Relationships

I am a Sagitarius and my husband of 16 years is a Capricorn. We have three children 7, 12 and 15.

When we met it was love at first sight and the passions between us grew and are still there.
BUT. We have a huge struggle with intimacy.

He rarely shares his emotions, thoughts, needs or desires with me. He is a hugely passionate lover, but silent.

I have a great need to share these things with him. I like to express my love in a variety of ways, But, I guess caps just don't go there, at least not verbally.

For the most part we have a stable, loving, peaceful life. I love it! But every once in awhile I crave adventure, excitement, something deeper and magical.

After 16 years I thought I have accepted this, yet, I have found I haven't.

His uncomfort to talk and express his feelings is very disturbing to me. The more disturbed I get, the more he withdraws from me. And when he knows there is a problem it takes 3 weeks to deal with it. He withdraws and internalizes everything.

I have learned to look within too, but, I want desperately to get things out in the open, on the table, resolved and overwith now!

I have learned to step back and be patient out of respect for his way of dealing with things, but I refuse not to make known to him my feelings and desires. I bring them to his attention, because I hope that it will help us to get closer.

We have separated twice. The first time was while I was pregnant with our last child, about seven years ago. Then again last september.

These both were very hard times for both of us, and each was for a 3 month duration.

I know he loves me deeply, yet our difficulties hurt us both deeply. Why must this be so hard?

Each time we were split up, he turned to stone towards me. He was respectful and courteous towards me but, the total absence of any affection or hint of feeling towards me was unbearable.

During this last split I was able to really grow. I made a career change from a secretary to the challenging and rewarding world of sales. My whole image has changed from the inside out. As strong as I have become, I still yearn to love and be loved.

I hope with all my heart we get there.

Are there any Caps and Sags out there that have a wonderful love life?

All sounds a very familiar to me I,m neither of your signs but I am a fire sign and my wife was an earth sign the same as your combination I struggled just as you are doing for over twenty years and never found the answer until after we parted and it was very simple really.
She just was unable to demonstrate her very deep feelings.
I tried every day to find the reason why
I suffered unnescarily so for to long.
We parted over seven years ago and I have never seen or spoke to her since despite us having three sons.
I did hear a few years ago that she regretted the split but again she never had confidence to contact me she must still be suffering with her feelings.
Things changed for me and I have never regretted parting.
I am not suggesting that you do this but I do know how it drives you crazy there is no solution when two people are a little incompatible.
Incidentally a while ago I had a relationship with a sag phew it was the best I had ever known you sags really do know how to turn a person on.
good luck from the uk

Just reading what you wrote about with you and your husband mad me llok at things. I am much young in my 20's he is five years older than me. I am the same star sign as you and he is a capricorn. He shuts away his feelings and he doesn't let me share his hurt and pain. I want to help but it is trying to climb over brick wall to get to the other side. We have been togther for 1 year now and living togther which has showed us what we are both like as a person. But some times he makes m feel hurt and confused. I don't want to spend life like this. But I feel some of your pain that you have gone through.

Wow. A lot has been happening since I first posted my story.

My Hubby is very unhappy with his life and is leaving me to find it. Ouch! It hurts.
Yet, through this I am learning so much about myself and relationships. I have discovered that I have made lots of decisions, big and little, based on fears.

I am taking baby steps and I don't know if you have ever seen a baby take her first few steps, but it's an amazing thing. It takes courage and determination, which I am finding out that I do have.

I truly love my hubby with all my heart. I have found that I always feared that he would leave me. Well, he is. But, I truly want him to be happy.

I believe he loves me too.

I am choosing to let him go. You know that old saying...If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, it was meant to be.?

Anyway, at first my guts felt like they were full of worms. But, as I continued to take my baby steps in admitting my fears to myself and making decisions based on what I think is best for me now, well, I am feeling stronger, from the inside out.

Today, I am taking myself out fishing. Something I love to do, but haven't done in a long time. Who knows, maybe I will catch one!

My advice for everyone is this...

HAPPINESS ON HOLD...

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby then another.

Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we get a nice car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with and remember that time waits for noone.

So, stop waiting...
...until your car or home is paid off
...until you get a new car or home
...until your kids leave the house
...until you go back to school
...until you finish school
...until you lose 10 pounds
...until you gain 10 pounds
...until you get married
...until you get a divorce
...until you have kids
...until you retire
...until spring
...until summer
...until fall
...until winter
...until you die

There is no better time than right now to be happy!!!!

Happiness is a journey, not a destination!!

So, work like you don't need money!!

Love, like you've never been hurt!!

And dance like noone's watching!!

Best wishes and happines to all!

Thanks for the encouragement.
You sound sweet.
All my best for you!

Wow things raelly did move on.
I would only add that Happiness is a feeling not an outcome.
There is a book I read called what women really want I found from amale point of view to be one of the best books I have ever read all women should read it it covers all your points and the dependency needs which women are unaware of releationshops instead of meeting womens needs actually increases them.
Good luck with your small steps.

Thanks for the book suggestion.
You know us Sags, always hungry to learn new understanding about life.

Hey, I caught 4 fish yesterday! It was an awesome experience for me. Next weekend, I am taking Grandpa (hubby's dad) and the kids with me. I found the perfect fishing hole.

Grandpa is staying with me and the kids. He is pretty distraught about hubby's decisions and has become very supportive to me.

I really believe that the world has many gifts awaiting for me, I am moving my heart forward, little by little to discover those gifts within.

Ooooh, sounds deep huh? It is.

Cheers to all!

Sounds good to me
go fishing you never know what you may catch.

I go fishing every day not always at the waters edge.

Be lucky

Unknown-
I am scared to face this fire.
My enthusiasm for the lessons I can learn is waning today.
I fear being alone, or running into a relationship that will full of my past patterns of destruction.
Why can't things go back to what I knew?
Are you really happy?
You said you were in a relationship with a Sag recently.
Are you alone?
I don't want to be alone.
I don't want a series of short relationships.
I risked everything with my Hubby, I don't want to start over.
I hurt.
I'm afraid to fish.

This hurts to read this I recognise your pain and feel it with you.
I am alone but your not.
Things can go back if really want them to. Is not tommorow a new day which we all have to start over life can at times be a risk. We are all afraid of change it is the only constant the only thing that does not change is that everything changes.
Maybe you are upon the brink of change we all like familarity things can stay as they are if you really want but do you really want that. Somewhere along the line you must have wanted things to change perhaps that is why you are where you are now.

No need to go fishing they will probably come to you. Trust

Thinking of you

You are an angel of encouragement to me.

I had a bad day yesterday.
I feel better today.

Tonight, I took a chance, a risk for my heart.

I wrote a letter, very honest but full of the love in my heart and soul.

I even attempted to deliver it, but my love was not there.

I will see him tomarrow, we work at the same place- I am in sales and he is in the shop.

I am afraid that the risk I take to share and speak the things in my heart will drive him further away.

Yet, I feel I must, for they may be the things he needs to hear from me.

We both have been going through changes this year. I believe he is afraid of what these changes will do to us. I think maybe he is giving in to his fear and getting out now to avoid the disasters he foresees.

I believe we have a true and abiding love for each other. We have come through a lot already. I think that true love grows even stronger, more passionate and deep if you can work through each change, each trouble and fear together.

I don't believe that a life without difficulties and changes produces that kind of love.

I want to grow old with my hubby and be able to sit, walk and just be, knowing that we had been through much, and overcame and grew in our love for each other.

I am a Sag, yet I have never been bored with this man. The passions and excitement keep growing for me. I do not want to see this end, not until one of us dies.

But, it is his choice. He must choose what he wants. If he chooses to come back I will be happy. If he chooses to leave me, well, then i will wish him happiness and try to start over.

I believe I can, but, it will be a long process to let go of all that is in my heart for him and for us.

I hear that sags aren't this serious about relationships. They're supposed to bounce from one to the other with ease. But, I don't think I am made that way. I have only had two relationships, and I am 35. I am not an ugly girl, I'm slim but curvy and athletically built and I have been told that I have lovely eyes, they're wide and hazel green.

Now that people at work know we are separated, I have gotten all kinds of attention and dinner offers.

It's nice. But, there is only one mans' attentions I crave, but, alas, he stays at a distance.

I have kept my distance too. I want him to know I respect his decision and that if this is what he truly wants, then I will do my utmost to accept and adapt. I believe with all my heart that he truly does love me, he is afraid of something.

If I ever discover what his fears are, I will do everything in my power to love those fears away.

I don't know what my rising sign is because I don't know what time of day I was born. But, I am very curious because it has become a much stronger trait than the free and happy-go-lucky sag is.

At any rate, I am discovering more about who I am, and what is inside of me, and what I want in life.

Many thanks for your sharing with me. You have a unique perspective for me.
It stimulates me to ponder and explore.

All my best,
Laurie

laurie,
Remember that relationship that I was in with a sag. She felt exactly the same as you and she was also in despair because three months prior her world fell apart in her short marriage.
She was also a lot older than you and feared the worst. There was a very happy ending in her case far removed from what she wanted.
#
I have re-read your postings and mine too.
In your first and I think its something which you may have put aside. You were desperate for him to show his feelings and I think that you were prepared to do something about it.Now that no longer seems to be the issue. But if you got back together and I hope you do if thats what you want that problem or difficulty would re-surface again guaranteed. If you need some forms of expression in love you can,t make soemthing be that just won,t. Your fire and it will just drive you crazy.
Also remember in marriage I also went through the same process and I could not change things I could only change myself and as much as I adjusted it always left me feeling unloved in soem ways. I now know people love in different ways and we all think love should be the same for us all. Well yes it is then it is,nt. This is what causes the problems.
There isno doubt that you are feeling wretched up and down its all part of the process of adjustement to change.
I feel for you and maybe you don,t want to read this but you can love again resist if you must who knows where this will lead.
Would you really go back.
I note when people get desperate they will agree to anything to make the pain go away. Its called a quick fix how do you get over an addiction.
I feel for you I have been in the place where you are right now.
I hope some of this may help.

Be better today

Dear Angel,

Did I bore you with all my love mush? It sounds pretty dreamy now that I look at it on a new day.

Thank you for responding so honestly.

I really believe in my love dream, I have for a long time, but, I think the universe wants me to let that go, at least with my hubby.

You're right, it hurts like hell. And I am afraid to hope for anything or anyone different.

I don't dare to dream it.

Hubby said many times that he just can't love me the way I need or deserve.
I hate that! That makes me feel that I am a love-crazed firey monster.

What if I dare to dream of someone else and we get close and this new person begins to see me the same way hubby does?

I think I am doomed. If hubby doesn't come back to me, I feel I am doomed.
If he does and nothing has changed in that area of our intimacy, I guess I would be doomed again, and have to go through this pain all over again.

He says that he truly believes he is doing this for me as well as for himself. I believe that that is what he truly thinks.

My heart is not so sure, as I wrote earlier, but after reading your last post, I am thinking.

I feel like I am on a cliff and someone is urging me to jump in, the water is fine! But, I am so afraid. What if I lose it all? What if I lose my soul? What if everything that is good in my life disappears? What if after all that I can't go back? What if it kills me, my very essence? And I am left with a nothingness, empty.

It sounds like I believe my whole being and life is dependant upon my relationship with hubby and the life we tried to have.

That sounds immature to me. No wonder we have problems.

It seems to me I need to look at that and challenge that belief.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my posts Angel. You have helped me very much. I appreciate your thoughts, honesty and insight.

Blessings my friend!
Laurie

Laurie.....

You did,nt bore me at all nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing mushy about love. Love is everything as you know.
This is a dark time for you a journey into the unknown. Go back if you want,
fate is leading you somewhere else it would seem.I ask again would you go back

Somewhere you asked for things to be different maybe what you wanted could not be provided. If you were the gods how would you go about it.
Could they change a persons character just for you overnight or could they provide something else.
You have already said your not short of offers so what is this whats going to happen. Its a mystery at the moment.
I,ve stood at the cliff,s edge walked a few tightropes sometimes gone through quicksand and always walking through a minefield every day.
I know a few things and I can relate to what your wonderful hub is saying it is just as much for you as him.
Laurie its easy for me to say things will get better because I guarantee they always do. Just as you said about re-reading your postings did I write that really.
Your upset and have a dis-torted view of reality. You are entitled to feel as you do I can feel the care and love that you have and the sense of hopelessness.
But it always gets better I am glad I got out of my relationship even though I had no choice. Somewhere for me I must have sub-consiecousley ticked the box which said in or out and chose out.
I,m on my own and its not so bad and I did love again and will do so again.

I have one question

Would you go back to where you were

yes or no?

May this day that you read this be better than the last.

Kelly

Hi Kelly.

This is a dark time for me.

A few years ago I took a class on change. The chinese symbol for the word change is made up of 2 symbols- danger and opportunity.

Through this change in my life, I easily sense or fear danger, mostly of the imagined kind, but, I do not see the opportunities, yet.

You keep asking me if I really would want to go back. The answer is hard, for there were many things I would love to go back to that I had with hubby. Only a few things I wouldn't want, unfortunately, those few things are crucial.

So, my answer is no. I wouldn't want to go back to where we were. It was painful in too many ways.

Today, I started learning to play the guitar. My husband made me a beautiful violin about 3 years ago. I love to play it, but, lately I find It makes me sad. So, I picked up his guitar that he left behind and I found the sound is beautiful. It isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I've learned 6 chords and three songs. That is way faster than I did with the violin.

I don't know what my future holds. I want to believe that I have lots to look forward to. But, I don't see it yet.

Right now, I feel lonely, rejected and hurt. I know that feelings come and go, I am trying to make decisions on what I think instead of what I feel. It's hard, because the feelings seem so intense- fear, loneliness, ache.

I believe as I make decisions to build and move forward in my life, the good positive feelings will come. Courage, strength, happiness and maybe even joy and passion. I hope and pray.

It will be a long process I'm sure.

If I were a God I don't know what I would do, every option that I think would be the answer, I think would create more problems. I am thankful that I am not a God, too much responsibility for wee little me.

Kelly, what sign are you? I am curious- you seem like the perfect guy. At this time I haven't met anyone that I would even consider having a relationship with. A few I have been physically attracted to, but their personality drives me crazy.

But, what am I thinking? I probably am not the greatest catch either. I know my personality can be crazy for most. I even drive myself crazy!

Really, right now, I am not ready for a relationship. I need to continue going through this school of hard knocks and learn all I can about myself. I don't want to take all this baggage in with someone new.

Thankyou,
May you have a good day.

Laurie

Laurie,

Good day to you, I loved your last message posting there were many positive statements and thats good. Music can be quite soothing its good that you recognise its worth. Maybe your choice in instruments could be questionable you know like photos from before all revive the memories which at the moment can be quite painful.
Are you paying too much attention to your smiles in any given day or to how long you have cried in the days since.
You know my friend Life does not always go the way you want it to or plan that it will. It moves at its own pace which is usually faster or slower than you would like.It moves in its own direction it opens up when you least expect it and shuts down at the most awful times. Then it gives for no reason and takes away for the same. It starts abrubtly and then stops short of the goal. It changes then refuses to change again it feels good for days even weeks sometimes months then it makes you feel sick just as you do now.
Whats it all about Alfie thats an old english song whats it all about. Then it still applies.
I am Aries and good to you I am like a lifeboat out at sea awaiting any soul who are in trouble and need a helping hand sometimes the souls have gone so far out it takes a while to return to the safety of the shore some come back less than what they went out with others come back having learned a lesson or two but they all survive and so will you.

Be patience a while longer us fires are dreadfully impatient think of you in a queue at the bank on a Friday afternoon
can you make that queue go any quicker.
I think your doing great and would like to encourage you to kep going.

Its sunny in England today may it be sunny when you read this.

RDGS
Kelly

Hi Kelly!

I had a good day. I hope you did too. Glad to hear it is sunny in England. It has been cloudy and rainy here in the NW.

This morning hubby and I had a good talk. Moving forward to closure. Thanks to you and your insistence on the question "if I would really want to go back", I have worked through the emotions and was better prepared to have this chat with him.

He felt safe to talk with me, that is important to me. We will have to deal with each other much in the future because of the kids,(he is a very devoted dad, they are his life) so, I want very much to be able to communicate on both sides as openly as possible.

I feel that this initial time will really set the tone of the future.

Your philosophy on life makes you sound older and wiser than I. I am encouraged that you call it your friend. I am starting to believe that I can trust in life too.

In looking back it seems that life has moved along appropriately for me. Allowing me to prepare for the things to come. In a very large sense I believe I have been protected and cared for, even within this latest developement of changes.

Kelly, I am feeling stronger and more hopeful. Nothing has changed, I just feel it welling up within little by little.

I am very thankful that you took the time to read and respond to my postings. Our conversations have helped me to face many of my fears. You have been a huge source of encouragement to me, you have helped me to- accept my circumstances, to face my fears and question them to see if they were valid, to have patience, to look forward to the future, to be happy and to allow my hubby to seek his happiness.

Take care Kelly,
Have a wonderful day!

Laurie

Dear Laurie and Laurie,

I,m glad your facing up to things and looking at your situation with dry eyes.
Everday will be different for you for a while some will be better than others.
I am also glad that you are able to communicate to your hubby as you have been doing. In this difficult time you can make it much worse for yourself if you want.I sense the love that it still there albeit changing from a dependant version to something maybe more which will take some adjusting too.
I love reading your postings they really come direct from your heart.
I will always try to help if I can someone is listening probably more than one. Your not alone.

Oh I amolder than yourself but not that much I can still put a 4 before the other number and as well fires do burn brightly together mix nicely with air very respectful toward water for obvious reasons but earth what a struggle remember I was married to an earth for 20yrs never again.

Be great today England is your friend too. We all would help

Kelly.

Hi Kelly!

I am sort of in a funk today.

I received notice from my landlord that my rent will increase next month. Now that my hubby and I are separated, I really can't afford to pay more than I am already paying for rent. I am forced to consider moving. Ughhhh!

I will have to consider much regarding the kids and school etc...

I don't know. Clarity will come I'm sure. Right now, it is foggy.

Hubby is planning a motorcycle trip mid August with his dad and brothers. I don't want to upset that.

You were right to say that I would fluctuate between feelings, I am. The reality of my situation seems to keep slapping me in the face. I don't know how much I can bear.

I guess I will get through it. I don't want to think about moving the kids and all. It seems to hard to think about right now.

I guess I will have to do what I have to do.

I can't get excited about meeting anyone new. Fire or air or whatever, that is the furthest thing from my mind.

I wish it were settled and stable, I want to be happy. I will try to be patient, for today.

Glad to hear you are well. Is there new romance in your life?

Your not as old as you sound. In fact you're pretty young. I wish you all the best.

Laurie

Dear Laurie,

I bet you wish it would all go away eh
On one of my courses the endless one,s I take. I was told that when a stone is thrown into the water there is a splash and the ripples that follow take time to subside until there is no more trace of the cause to the ripples.
It does apply to you the cause has been effected you are now in the ripples process. It takes time.
Its awful for you I know I,m sure your sick of hearing that things will get better. There are many ways to bring a sense of normality back to your life.
Finding them is hard. I,m pleased that you cannot consider entering a new relationship most people do forall the wrong reasons end depressions recover from a previous relationship end lonelinessand so on. You have come a long way in a very short space of time.
Try to use the time before you effectively. I,m sorry that your rent has increased and this adds to your difficulties there will probably more hurdles to overcome it just takes time life opens us when we least expect it and shuts down too when we don,t want it to. Soon you will be able to put together a couple of days where you feel good then three or maybe four. But it will change its the only constant the only thing that does,nt change is that everything does change.

Try to have some faith something is being worked out for you.

I wish you well,

P.S,
my romantic life took a massive swerve and I don,t know where this one is going

Rdgs.
Kelly

Hi Kelly!

You always say just the right things to help me to accept, adjust and even hope. My last posting was in the middle of a bad day.

The transmission in my car froze up on me. I usually call hubby with all car problems and it was weird. I called him, but I learned that I can find other ways to take care of my needs. Even car issues.

Having to think about moving really got to me. Is not anything in my life sacred from this? I read a horoscope that said Pluto is giving me a "spiritual" enema. Everything in my life that is not good for me is gonna go.

At the end of the day I saw Duane getting ready to go and I went out there and talked with him. I was feeling vulnerable and helpless, overwhelmed- there was a point when he asked me what I wanted from him- I thought about that, nothing. It's just that he had become the one who I always went to first, he helped me work things out. He was always there for me.

I went to him out of habit. I really don't want him to come back, it is just hard to assimilate and face all the changes without him.

After that I got mad. Mostly at myself for feeling so dependant on him. I went home and picked up the kids and went over to my mom's.

Mom was a blessing. She let me cry and gave me some paper to get my thoughts and priorities down. ( Paper is my passion, my tool to bring clarity out of chaos)

She offered that the kids and I could stay with her for awhile, even throughout the school year.

I really appreciated that. I talked with the kids and am considering it. They really want to. We moved out here to the country a year ago, and they miss their friends in town.

Anyway, she gave me a bunch of boxes so I can start packing. I have looked forward to that all day! I am really excited to go through our stuff and make decisions as to what I keep and what goes. And to move.

Whether I find a place of my own, or go to my moms, either way it is good.

Tomarrow morning i am taking my car in to the shop. It will be fixed soon. For now I have been driving the truck. It's a beast, but I get around and it is dependable. Hubby has a motorcycle.

Anyway, life has thrown some curves, but provision, help and hope has been around every corner. Life is being good to me. really, I can't complain too much.

Today I feel young, strong, sexy, smart and happy. Funny huh?

I am starting to get excited about my future. I don't know what to expect, but I think it'll be good and even fun. I am looking forward to the adventure more so than fearing the unexpected.

So, your romantic life took a massive swerve. Hmmmm.

I wish you all my very best.

Your friend,
Laurie

Laurie hello,

I love reading your postings your so honest open and crystal clear. This I feel is the old you but more important the new you. I sense the first signs of recovery have emerged. I hope that this is the start of something good for you.
The feeling that you have now of happiness try to remember it because it is so important. So many things can make you happy but happiness is a feeling that is within us all and we can access it even under the most dire circumstances. I think the proof is that your current circumstances would normally prevent any-one feeling good but somehow you managed to feel happy.
I checked yor stars for the week coming and you may find yourself under a bit of pressure I guess thats the enemina but things will quickly get better.
Good news too about the motor hope the bill is not too bad.
It would be great if we could take people into the garage or wherever and just get fixed. I think I,d be on the ramps for a while.
Anyways its really good that you are making plans. I love making plans soemtimes never carry them out but I love it all the same.
I wish I could work my romance out by plan but its always out of your control.

So take it easy I know you will,

L,amour

Kelly

Hi Kelly,

Hoping you had a terrific day.

Yesterday I was busy and I had planned on a busy day of sorting and packing today, but ended up over at my sister in laws' relaxing and soaking up some sun and playing music with friends. I had a really wonderful time. I was completely happy for the whole afternoon.

I had a really good chat with my niece, got to encourage her a bit. She is in high school and is going to work with me this week to answer the phones and do light typing etc... while our secretary is on vacation. She is excited to earn some money for back to school.

I had a bad dream last night. It was about hubby and a girl that he works with. I woke up really upset. I got up early and went online and got a lot of info about divorce. I downloaded all the forms and found tons of advice, I think I am ready to move forward with that. I think it will help me to get closure.

At first I was upset, but, I really think that this girl is everything that I think he would like and need. She is quiet, sweet and polite. I like her. I tried to be that, but I usually ended up speaking my mind eventually, and I laugh out loud and am pretty forward when I am excited. I always sensed that I embarrassed him somewhat. I never really felt that he accepted and liked me for who I am. I don't feel any competition, we are so different, like sun and moon, night and day. So, I am ok with it all. I hope for every happiness for him and me.

I believe that there are men out there who would love me and accept me just as I am, and if not then they aren't for me I guess. I don't ever want to feel that way again.

I avoided looking into his eyes for fear that I would see the disapointment. That was a huge stress. I am seeing how deeply that affected me. I am looking into people's eyes much when I listen and speak to them. I am finding people are opening up to me on a deeper level than ever before. I really enjoy that, the openness and trust feels so good.

I guess I am a romantic at heart, I long for true love. Open, honest, intensely passionate. Maybe, someday I will find such a thing, I will hope and dream for it.

I read some fire sign profiles and found that Aries and Leo look very compatable. I have no idea, never met any that I know of besides you, that I know of. When I am ready, I think I will definately look for a fire kind of man.

The profile said that an Aries man would understand me and meet my needs. I would love to discover that. I would love to have you here closer to me, that I could meet you. You have understood me and known me better than anyone I have ever met. I feel totally safe and accepted by you.

Sometimes I feel I want to find someone now, but, I really want to wait and make sure. Just not quite there yet. Like I said before, I do not want to take baggage with me into my next relationship. I want to be free to love and be loved without complications.

I know that there will be some complications, I am not that naieve, I was married for a long time and I have 3 children, but, that doesn't mean I can't experience love in the future does it? I think it can happen.

Anyway, there I go again. Preoccupied with the mushy stuff. I should be working through something. It's just nice to take a break and dream of what could be - you know?

I hope you are enjoying the romance ride you are on. You say it is out of your control, and certainly not by your plan. But, really would you have it any other way? Would'nt it be dull if it were all going to plan?

I wish you all my very best in all aspects of your life.

l'amour, 'till tomarrow.

Laurie

Dear Laurie,

Thanks so much for the last posting.
I was glad you had a good day with your sis in law which one though?
Bad dreams in the night insecurities thrive on unrealistic expecatations and thats all it was un-real. The girl from you dreams was that meant as the signal for closure was that the reason for your parting would that be more acceptable to you. Please don,t think of this as rejection because its not right. I believe as said before that it is what you wanted or somehow asked for.
Your needs were not being met and they never would be.
We concentrate on your well being and happiness I,m sure he will see to his own.
Also I am here to tell you that without even meeting you that you are the most perfect desirable person any-one could wish to meet.If any-one is lucky enough to touch your heart it is they who will be the benefactor and much love will be given in return. Of that I have no doubts.
It is now a time of great awakening for you looking into peoples eyes is only the start of a new insight into what you really want. There is no rush no need to panic three beautiful children too what more can any-one ask. These come with you and love will not be detered. Remember I have three sons and I never gave it a second thought.
As well to why should,nt you bring baggage with you if the person to whom you give your love should at the least try and heal some if not all of the previous hurts and shortcomings that you have suffered. Is,nt that what love is is,nt that what love does its are only hope. To love and be loved.

I remind you again as I have been down the path that you now walk soon the scenery will change for you and things will be very different. You may be tempted by some ringers on the way but you will know when love comes your way again. It always does. Not because you,ve asked for it just expect it no need to be grateful when it arrives because it was expected.

I will continue my good thoughts for you and thanks for your wishes for me

Mon amour

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

I am grateful for our friendship.

I think that my bad dream was my inner self coaxing me to accept that reality- another preparation. This morning Duane and the other girl took the day off. I don't know for sure if they spent it together, it is just another coincidence in a series of coincidences.

I believe that my energy mustn't be spent on wondering what Duane is doing or not doing- rather I must focus on myself. He will do what he will do, and I have the freedom to do so also.

The only boundaries I have placed upon myself, is "Honesty and Respect" First with myself, then with everyone else. Sounds simple, but it isn't. But, so far I have been doing well. I believe that as I seek to do and say things in respect and honesty, then I will not have too much to regret.

I have found that I am surrounded in love and support. My boss is giving me a vacation to attend to things at home. I have arrainged with my sister in law (Duanes' brother left her last August) to care for my children for a few days in order that I may have some privacy to fill out the divorce papers. I plan on filing them with the court early next week.

Did I mention that Duane's father, and two brothers have all left their wives within the last two years? All four of them. There may be a connection there. I do not know. All were marriages of close to twenty years.

You have challenged my thoughts on love. Maybe you are right. There really isn't anyone who hasn't experienced hurt of somekind. Such is life. Maybe there is someone out there for me that we may experience a deep love that provides healing for both.

I will not worry so much about my hurts when and if I have the opportunity to love and be loved. For now though, I will deal with bringing closure to this chapter of my life.

Thank you for expressing to me that I am desirable and of good heart. I have shared much with you and I think you know me well. You always seem to hit right on to what I need, and you express it in a kind and loving way, easy for me to accept.

You were right about this week being a difficult one. It is, but I have courage and the strenth to get through it. I believe things will be brighter. Soon. When the timing is right. For now, I will do my best to make room for all the future has in store for me.

I must get some rest now.

L' amour,
Mon Ami
Your friend,
Laurie

Dear Laurie,

Thanks for the last I always love reading what you say. I,d love to be able to write to you in a more loving way without mis-leading you,maybe just to show you what is there for you. Anyways I am so glad that you are getting the support you need. I know its not enough and that you want more.
So he took the day off and so what if he spent it with some-one else albeit a female. Its pretty thoughtless of him sorry. Its more likely that he is suffering too just in a diferent way.
I also without doubt believe in your integrity and dignified manner in which you are conducting this. In time you will be glad and really pleased that you did not lower yourself.
Interesting about the connection with the break-down of the partnerships in his family. I wonder what that was all about. Maybe these people are just attractive to others and easy to fall in love with.
So its now got really serious with the legal steps when you first posted I doubt you thought that it would get to this. Perhaps you were suffering more than you knew. Do you think that you would be able to recognise true love when it comes to you. You are well placed to receive it you know there is love being created in your heart. Love can come through physical attraction but you do need to discriminate between that and physical attraction. Real love can never only be be physical.
I,d like to ask you something...
what do you want?
do you know maybe if you could think ahead.
Sorry I am banging on a bit its just the way I feel today thanks for reading this.
I hope your o.k.

much good and sweet dreams to you

Mon amour mon cherie,

Kelly

Dearest Kelly,

I sense the great passion and love you have inside of you. It is remarkable to me that you so freely can express and give such richness.

I understand that you sense I need, and desire desperately to feel this. I want it. But, because of the circumstances, I fear I may fall in love with you. I wish I could say that my intelligence will prevail over my heart, but, I don't want to kid you or myself. I am vulnerable right now.

Please don't stop writing to me. I don't mean to scare you off, if I could do such a thing. You seem stronger than that. I just mean what you have been doing has helped so much. I would really miss you.

I see what you mean. Maybe allowing myself to fantasize about the future will help me to figure out what I want. What i need, so that i don't settle for less than that. This makes sense.

Today, I had a bit of a romantic daydream. Noone I know, yet, just a wonderful, warm loving embrace. It made me wonder beyond the embrace. What type of person is he? How deep / shallow is his heart and mind?

I was in traffic and looked around. I felt very picky and judgemental, there was noone around that I saw that I could feel this desire for.

But, then again, my first infatuation was with a young man that I did not like at first. But, over a course of time my feelings grew for him. We dated for about a year before I met Duane.

With Duane it was instantanious. It was in August, he was outside working on a truck, welding. My father worked with him also, and brought me over for their company picnic. He went to introduce me to Duane, and when he lifted his welding helmet and our eyes met, I instantly melted inside. Electricity shot all through my body. He shyly smiled and I knew I wanted to be with him, to find out more about him. I saw something in his eyes. Something intriguing and compelling. I had to know more.

I have never felt that way before with anyone. I was eighteen almost nineteen that summer. He immediately asked me to dinner and we started dating. We married in January just 6 months later.

He was wonderful. Shy, but wonderful. I had to initiate everything. Holding hands while looking at the moon over the river, our first kiss.

Over the course of our dating, I progressively get more assertive and flirted and would tease him, and he would blush and grin and not know how to react. I thought that was cute then, but over the years I expected him to learn how to play. He never would flirt or play with me. I began to think I was bad in some way for wanting and doing those things. Eventually, I stopped. I think I may have forgotten how now.

I never met anyone like him. My experience with men previously, was they were huge flirts, aggressively, relentlessly. I used to think I had some weird strong sexual power that made even grown men behave this way toward me. But, not Duane. Maybe that is why I was so strongly attracted to him. He was quite a challenge.

Before him, I went to many parties and social things, every weekend. That was another big adjustment, I lived for the weekend. By the time Friday came I was raring to go. But, Duane wanted to stay home. He was happiest at home. He was very uncomfortable taking me out. One time he took me dancing. We danced one song and he sat down. They started to play another and someone asked me to dance, I saw Duane headed for his seat, so I said yes. He never forgave me for that. And he never took me dancing again.

That hurts. I have forgotten all about that. So much we have missed out on. Because he got hurt or angry with me about something I would do or say. Yet, he never would come out and tell me what it was that made him mad.

By nature, my own personality was a constant source of strain on him. And he to me. Damn. How miserable we both were. That is why I said that this new girl was good for him. She is everything I always

Hi Laurie and Kelly,
I feel guilty that I got caught up and read the whole thing...it must be the eternal romantic in me! I just want to say that time in between is good to focus and to make sure it is not to just fill the void...but, you two must remain friends and meet each other some day...

Just my opinion...

Laurie, if you are the same one who posted about fire signs and rising signs...I left a few messages for you...I am an Aquarian female who is compatible with both of your signs...which is why I checked Sag out...seeing if an old friend is around...

I didn't mean to intrude. I wish you both the best!
Bellezza

Bellezza,

Welcome!

Funny how a person can be so intimate on a message board huh? I knew that others would come along and read, but I took the risk. I needed to share my story with Kelly. He has been soooo helpful.

So, you were looking for a friend? Did you find him / her?

Tonight I took my kids over to my sis in laws and ended up in her front yard with all her neighbors and the family sitting around yakking. That happens a lot over there. It's great.

Anyway, one of her neighbors is a recently divorced male Aquarian. He is so great! He is very talkative and funny and very buff. He works out his agressions on the weights. His divorce is still icky. Bitter. Poor people.

I have visited with him before, but tonight was different. He was paying a lot of attention to me. It was nice. But, a bit scary. He has been with four women since his divorce. He said he is looking to love and be loved, he wants that very much. Wow. I couldn't even speak, I just nodded my head.

I just left there. Had to come home. I am not comfortable in my own mind and body. I feel too weird. I can't wait to get through this and feel good about myself, others, life.

I am afraid to meet Kelly. What if he turns out to be everything I need and want? He lives in England. I live here. I am a small town girl, always have been. My job forces me out and about but, that's work.

Anyway, wonderful Kelly, has a wonderful hot romance going on for him right now. He is very happy. I am glad for him.

You take care. I hope you find your friend.

Drop by anytime.

Laurie

Kelly,

I reread all our conversations and found that happiness thing I posted. I admire it greatly, but have trouble implementing the concept. I guess that is understandable.

Laurie

Hi Laurie!
It is OK. Take whatever time you need...it is good you listen to your intuition.
I date men, but I have been a single parent for 12 years...it can be done...

I am still gunshy...but, that is me...

I, too, am from a small town and would almost bet that mine can top yours! Population:83!!!

Never let who you are slip away...but, that doesn't mean that you cannot live elsewhere...just don't lose sight of who you are...do you know what I mean? I'm trying to say something like not being afraid of what is out there but to keep what is important to you close to your heart...not to change for someone else...

My daughter's friends say that I am "buff" also...I lift weights...I am a nurse and finds that it helps me to keep in shape for my job!

You sound like a wonderful person, and I do wish you the best!

(No, I did not find my Sag friend...but he is not the only one out there....)

Bellezza

Dear lovely Laurie,

Mon dieu some-one has discovered us in our little hide-away down here. I thought we were alone and I was getting ready to ask you to dance the night and your heart-aches away with me still all is welcome who care to help Laurie. So a hello to Belluzza. What a wonderful name. I would also like to thank-you for your input.
So now the secrets out I adore Laurie and her postings and I,m not going any-where I am going to stick this out. As if I,m not enjoying it.
Again your posting was straight form the heart. There is a happy ending here you know Laurie.
I would love to have been part of the day dream you would not have been dis-appointed. I have been in that car I have thought those same thoughts I would guess many others have too but I always think not like me no-one knows nobody has ever bothered to listen or find out. Funny I met my ex in Sept and by the following March we had married too. I was attracted to her because she looked like Cher I only wish she could have sung like her it might have helped.
Oh by the way I was nineteen too nnnnnnnineteeen remember that song probably you don,t. It does,nt matter.
Another odd thing too she was a one dance wonder said I always showed her up. Must have been something to do with me swinging from the chandeliers.
O.k enough about me cause its all history now which is what all this will mean to you too.
You know you are moving forward maybe a tear or too less each day and more smiles. mmm so a friendly aquarian appears I wonder where that one,s going they are great people and very compatible too.
Anyways mon cherie I am always here maybe its only a dream I conceal so much Love as not to burden or trouble those. All my support and understanding is with you at this time because I think you need it so, your emotions are swinging from one to another. I am troubled by your concerns of the other woman. I know its only natural to look and compare. Will she be able to share and confide in those which set you apart. These things are so important passion is not confined to sex. Passion is deep interest and enthusiasm about some-one it is from there that we truly sow the seeds of love. This I feel was maybe missing from your partnership. Fall in Love and you can forget all the stuff which is so important to you because it hardly seems to matter any more. I learnt so much after my partnership broke down. We could never go back again and now I know how it all works. After many years passed by my ex said that she never knew what she had till she lost it. That made me feel so good because I did try and I got much right and I wonder if this will apply to you.
I know it will.

For so many reasons please keep in touch but I know some days are so good and we all need a break.

Mon amour

Kelly,

P.s
my romance became so impossible there was nothing that could be done.

Hello again Laurie,

I used to live in New York many years ago. I was there for two years with my parents.
Just thought I,d say that.

Kelly

Hello again! I am going to leave you to your privacy now...as much as a message board will allow! You do know that Aries and Sagittarius can move mountains together, don't you?! For myself, I avoid Earth and Water signs...
I do have a wonderful male Aquarian friend...we really like each other but, are taking it slow...we are planning a vacation together next summer though...
You both take care. I wish only the best for you.
Bellezza

Hello my Dearest Kelly.

I was thrilled to read this one. You make me smile from the inside out. Your words are like soothing oil to my soul. I know that if we were to meet, you would not dissapoint me - you fulfill much and I haven't even seen you. I could hardly sleep last night. I have been thinking many warm thoughts. Too warm.

I feel alive lately. Lots of sunshine here, maybe that has something to do with my increased energies. I think too, that it is because I have been working through and releasing much. I have had more and more happy thoughts for my future.

Don't be troubled that I mentioned the other woman. She does not concern me. I feel that my ex gave up a lot when he decided to leave me. I do not feel jealousy, it is more of an understanding. I don't know.

Tonight he came by to pick up the divorce papers. I caught him many times looking at me. He hasn't allowed himself to look at me since this all started in July. That's ok. He can look all he wants, but, I never will go back. I, like you, have realised we could never really be fulfilled and happy together. Not the way I need and want. I am trusting you that I can have that. Even if I can't, I don't want to feel stuck and frustrated for the rest of my life. It would be better to be alone, I think.

Anyway, I got the divorce papers all together today. I really dreaded what my reactions might be. I prepared for the worst. I bought a bottle of the finest rum, my favorite red wine and even some beer. As it turns out, I didn't drink at all. I didn't want it. I got up very early this morning and made some coffee and got right to work. It took me six hours. With every completed section I felt stronger, lighter even soft and happy.

I wanted to celebrate tonight. But, I can think of noone I want to celebrate with. I have a few friends, but I feel very passionate tonight. I rushed home to check this board, and you were there. I am celebrating with you. My favorite person in the whole world right now.

When I read your letters, I feel you are here with me. I wish I could physically feel you. I would love to see your eyes. I have a feeling that I know what I would see in them.

I would love to snuggle in close into your chest and have your arms wrap around me and hold me. It would be so nice to hold on to someone right now. To feel your warmth and hear your breathing. This fantasy is growing more vivid, i hear you whispering "L'amour Mon Cherie"

Is this dangerous? I am seriously wondering if this is good for me. To dream is good, but to fill my loins with this rising passion, makes me ache. I want to come and find you tonight to satisfy my hunger.

I am sorry your romance did not work out. But, I am selfish really at heart, because I can pour forth with my words the stirrings in my heart without worrying that I am behaving as an "other woman". I do not want to be difficult for you.

Yes, our secret is out. Now I know how I feel about you. Kelly, do you think my affections for you have grown just because of my circumstances? Maybe. Do you think that a relationship like this would be a bad thing? Would it really hurt to continue to allow my feelings and thoughts for you to grow? Other than the fact of the miles between us, yet more than once now, I have been reminded that that is not really a barrier. Like you said, you lived in New York once. Maybe we could meet one day. I wish it were today. I wish it were now.

I love happy endings. But, you knew that didn't you.

Sweet Dreams Lover.
I know mine will be sweet indeed.

Laurie

It is a new day Messieur Kelly.

I wonder what it will bring into my life and thoughts. I feel open to whatever may be. I will be working for the most part, packing. Later, I am headed to the river with the family to picnic and play.

I have five more days of vacation, it's a good thing I am so busy with much to do to move, for I would be figuring out a way to travel to England.

As practical and hard working I have to be, lately, I find myself having thoughts and daydreams of the exotic. The scenery has been changing, I think from the inside out. I am seeing it in new ways. Everything is more vivid than it was. Like I am living in a dream. It seems I have been going through the extreme in my feelings, sadness and fear to passion and hope. They all have been strong and intense.

I know these feelings will pass, for now, I will be open to them, and let them flow. What other choice do I have? To suppress them? Never!

Have a great day, mon ami!

Laurie

Sweet Laurie
I have so much to say this may come in several parts as and when I can switch my thoughts from your thoughtful postings which as always are so moving and heartfelt.
Thank-you lover from my heart for all that you say for this I would like you to know that I can hold you hold you closer than you have ever been held before and take you to un-believable moments of passion you never knew existed. Create new desies and fantasies which you may have thought were not possible. I would touch you softly in so many ways that you will believe for the first time in romantic insanity and yet for all this I am a stranger, someone who has entered your life for a reason and purpose that is yet to be discovered.
We all dream and we are all in pursuit of a dream to some it is not a peaceful one to the others its not worth pursuing to the few remaining it is life itself its what we live for.
Although we are far apart we are as close as our intials in the alphabet we shall both choose our steps carefully.
Some people care deeply about many things. I care about you for you are a patient in my intensive care and in need of hope warmth and love you can stay as long or as little as you like. There are no rules charges or conditions just blankets of love.

I will be in your dreams as you are in mine.
Today, mon cherie as I write the birds are singing but the animals are becoming restless. I wonder why, what do they know.

Regarde vous mon amour,
xxxxxooooh

Kelly,


Ps
More will follow v soon

Sweet Laurie
I have so much to say this may come in several parts as and when I can switch my thoughts from your thoughtful postings which as always are so moving and heartfelt.
Thank-you lover from my heart for all that you say for this I would like you to know that I can hold you hold you closer than you have ever been held before and take you to un-believable moments of passion you never knew existed. Create new desies and fantasies which you may have thought were not possible. I would touch you softly in so many ways that you will believe for the first time in romantic insanity and yet for all this I am a stranger, someone who has entered your life for a reason and purpose that is yet to be discovered.
We all dream and we are all in pursuit of a dream to some it is not a peaceful one to the others its not worth pursuing to the few remaining it is life itself its what we live for.
Although we are far apart we are as close as our intials in the alphabet we shall both choose our steps carefully.
Some people care deeply about many things. I care about you for you are a patient in my intensive care and in need of hope warmth and love you can stay as long or as little as you like. There are no rules charges or conditions just blankets of love.

I will be in your dreams as you are in mine.
Today, mon cherie as I write the birds are singing but the animals are becoming restless. I wonder why, what do they know.

Regarde vous mon amour,
xxxxxooooh

Kelly,


Ps
More will follow v soon

Messiuer,

I am absolutely smitten with you. Yet, you are a mystery to me. I am intrigued and very curious. I want to know more about you. What do you dream of messieur? What do you desire? What are you looking for?

Have you helped many women like me? Are you a doctor? You have become my doctor of love. Please continue. You must prescribe something to help me bear this ache I have deep inside. I fear it will consume me.

I think I will run today. Running helps. I have many open fields on the mountain here, they are beautiful. Wild flowers and tall grasses. Everything is in many shades of green. I cannot count the different greens I see here, though I try. My children and I have been very blessed to live in such a beautiful carefree place.

eagerly awaiting more from you messieur.

Laurie

Tonight I will call you mademoiselle,

I still have more to say and yet I now have questions to answer about me.
I am a complete mystery to myself I amaze myself at what thoughts come to me my life has always been that of a simple Englishman.
Yes it is true I have helped others. I never received any help during my seperation and suffered badly. I think now that I instantly recognise when people need help in an emotional way.
Main stream medicine does not always recognise internal suffering particulary in England where we are supposed to show a stiff upper lip and bear it all.
Laurie I am not anything special that appeals to most. I just have a diferrent personality to others. I have never met my match in certain areas loving comes very naturally to me. I always have difficulty with the very first hurdle and once I,m over that the skys the limit or in England the limit is the sky.
So mademoiselle if your interested I have opened a new email address called
lamourdelaurie@yahoo.co.uk
it would be great to hear from you as I dread to think what any-else is thinking about us.
Well maybe its not so bad.
I,ve got to de-post now because I want to read so much more about what you say.
I could listen to you for hours and re-read all your postings over and over.
Its late here in the uk and I wish also that you were here I know I could reach you. I would wisper all the words and sounds I know you would love so much.
I would take it a little higher each time. I hold your dreams close to my heart.

Remember you can leave at any time.

amourex
xxxxoooh

Dear Laurie,
It sounds absolutely gorgeous where you live quite fitting I think where else would you find a gorgeous person but in a gorgeous place.
Fitting as well that you describe so many shades of green I wonder which is me for that is part of my name. I think your children are blessed in so many ways one is to have an outstanding mother.
Laurie, I know your feelings are moving around at an alarming scale they are being monitered you know we all feel like this its just that you are experiencing them in an intensive way thats why your in my care.
Love brings rise to fear and fear brings rise to love. Have you ever told someone that you love them and the next thought is fear in case you don,t hear it back. It is at that moment you face your biggest fear the moment when you offer your love.
I still have much to say I would love to run with you anywhere really thes days I tend to cycle more which is where I,ll be over the next few days.
My first vacation (5 days) in over a year starts today. I am close to France surprise surprise and also to holland Ireland and Scotland and I hope to try and visit these places I usually take my cycle with me. Whether I get there is another thing something always hi-jacks what I try to do.
I will always be in touch with you starting tommorow.

Your postings are incredible you are very very talented.
Thank-you for everything Mrs Amazing

Mon amour mon cheriexxxxoooh

Messieur Kelly,

Ahhh, it must be very late for you there. I have tried desperately to email you at the new address just for us. In my haste, I misspelled it twice. I hope it comes to you. I am curious as to what your questions are to yourself messieur? You are amazing to me.

Have a wonderful vacation cycling. Hoping nothing hi-jacks your plans. Sounds like you plan to cover much ground in 5 days. I will miss you. May you achieve everything you desire.

L'amour, mon ami'

Love always,
Laurie

Messieur Kelly Green,

I will never look at the greens around me again without thinking of you. I am so enamoured. I must be crazy! So be it.

You say I have talent, messieur it is you who brings this out in me. I am compelled to speak to you. I am driven to ask of you, what do you need? What are your wants and desires? Are you content to live a simple Englishmans' way of life? It sounds like it must be good. Though, you do not seem so simple to me. Very complex.

I am not a doctor, or I would heal myself, at least I would know the remedy to do so. But, you are the one who brought the idea up that love can heal even the deepest of scars. You said it was our only hope.

Messieur, what do you think about us? I am beginning to believe that you are my only hope. I have never been able to speak to anyone the way I can with you. I have never recieved responses from anyone the way you respond to me. I am eager to experience more with you.

You said you have never met your match in certain areas. What did you mean? In love? In expression? Are you the superman that no woman could keep up with? Are you so intellectually endowed that no woman can conversate with you and keep you interested? Is your soul as deep as the ocean that no woman can go deep enough to touch you?

I am philosophically speaking. I want you to know that I accept you. I think you are wonderful in every way that I have discovered. I want to know more though.

I give to you the same messieur, you may leave at anytime. I am grateful for what we have shared so far. I will always remember you and hold all of your letters dear to my heart.

I will always cherish your every word.

You are the lover of my dreams.

Love,
Laurie

Mon cherie Laurie,

I too am having dificulties accessing the email address. My password failed and I,ve got to wait for the new one coming in. Its 1am here.I would have loved to have read the latest but tommorow will have to do.

I always have pc access wherever I go which now is not at least until Monday.

I,m not leaving you.


So Mrs amazing I still have much to catch up on with you. All that wine and rum save some for me.
I re-read your posting on happiness I think it was perfect.
So much truth I,m glad you found out you can never make something be that just won,t be.

I have to leave you just now I have only just moved into this place and sometimes I find it cold here with no heating life in England is so much different to the states.

I,m going to imagine that you here with me and be extraordinary passionette.

You will know love when you realise its not what you say its who you are and what you do.

lamour Kelly

xxxxxooooh

Mon cherie,
I could not resist, I too will gaze upon Englands finest hills and greens and now think of you who has turned a new leaf in your life. The future holds so much for you.
What do I need my wants and desires are so few. I,m sorry I appear so complex I never want this to be. I have a longing in my heart that remains un-fulfilled and sometimes well sometimes I wish I did,nt feel like this.
Love and only love can heal I was wrongly taught that love was conditional and that experience cost me dear. I have learnt my lesson well.

May I ask you in these moments of love have you felt better can you sense some changes.
If I am your only hope then my gift to you is of enduring love. I have learnt the secrets of abundant love and the principles of happiness.
This for you is the beginning or the begining of the end of your suffering.
As for my match I am no superman I seek not to win anything but love.
I am happy conversing with children to those who are downtrodden or those that cannot help themselves. I am interested in those that can only say hello. I am inferior to every-one.

You write which such warmth and great beauty part of being in love is to take each other to the most highest level of love and understanding not to hold one back through fear to grow together to learn together. There is so much more to than this if I can help bring this out in you that which has been suppressed for so long then your fears will no longer be where they are now.

Every foot that you run every view that you see will take you closer to all that you want to be.

Mon Amour Kellyxxxxxxoooooooh

Messieur you are cold?

It is mid August here, very hot. I would do anything to be there to keep you warm. I wonder what you said about " I will know love by what I do" This is true. Words are coming easily to me now, but these feelings are becoming intense. What will I do?

Please try to email me at Laurietta1@juno.com

I miss you.

Laurie

Oh Kelly, the fates must be laughing and toying with me. Why would they send me the most wonderful man that abides so far away from me? I feel so torn.

Why am I not thinking, using my common sense? You have been more wonderful to me than any of my imaginations. I don't even pretend to imagine how wonderful it would be with you.

I will wait and be patient. I will see if the fates will allow us to take this further or not. They seem so cruel at the moment.

Yet, as I look back they have been good to me. Like I said before, I sense that they look over me, helping me. I wish I knew what they want me to find.

I am silly to think of such things. I am a grown woman, an adult. I make choices and decisions and there are results and consequences.

I do not fear you sir. I fear my own passions. I fear my own impatience.

I am glad you will be with me for a little while longer before Monday. I am hopelessly infatuated with you right now.

I have printed out all our conversations. I am trying to take your advice to wait, yet here my heart is taking over. I cannot, will not, in this moment, let these stirrings subside. I am on fire and it feels so good. Yet, it is not satisfying to be so far away from you. It is frustrating.

Arghhh! It is like my marriage with my ex, only in reverse. He was physically close. I could touch him, feel him, even hear his breathing, yet, he would withhold his feelings from me. And with you, you give me more feeling and passion than I ever even imagined, yet, I cannot touch you, or feel you.

What can I learn from all of this madness?

Must I accept a life of endless frustration? I am sorry. I know not what to say or do. I have trouble thinking straight. Maybe a little glass of wine will help. I am sorry Monsieur Kelly, I cannot wait to share my drinks with you. I need something to take the edge off that I may sleep tonight. But, I will definitely save you some.

I hope you are having sweet dreams my lover,

Laurie

Oh Kelly, the fates must be laughing and toying with me. Why would they send me the most wonderful man that abides so far away from me? I feel so torn.

Why am I not thinking, using my common sense? You have been more wonderful to me than any of my imaginations. I don't even pretend to imagine how wonderful it would be with you.

I will wait and be patient. I will see if the fates will allow us to take this further or not. They seem so cruel at the moment.

Yet, as I look back they have been good to me. Like I said before, I sense that they look over me, helping me. I wish I knew what they want me to find.

I am silly to think of such things. I am a grown woman, an adult. I make choices and decisions and there are results and consequences.

I do not fear you sir. I fear my own passions. I fear my own impatience.

I am glad you will be with me for a little while longer before Monday. I am hopelessly infatuated with you right now.

I have printed out all our conversations. I am trying to take your advice to wait, yet here my heart is taking over. I cannot, will not, in this moment, let these stirrings subside. I am on fire and it feels so good. Yet, it is not satisfying to be so far away from you. It is frustrating.

Arghhh! It is like my marriage with my ex, only in reverse. He was physically close. I could touch him, feel him, even hear his breathing, yet, he would withhold his feelings from me. And with you, you give me more feeling and passion than I ever even imagined, yet, I cannot touch you, or feel you.

What can I learn from all of this madness?

Must I accept a life of endless frustration? I am sorry. I know not what to say or do. I have trouble thinking straight. Maybe a little glass of wine will help. I am sorry Monsieur Kelly, I cannot wait to share my drinks with you. I need something to take the edge off that I may sleep tonight. But, I will definitely save you some.

I hope you are having sweet dreams my lover,

Laurie

Bellezza,
Just in case you ever come back out of curiosity....
This lover of my soul has opened up a more private means of communication for us. We will not be posting here anymore. He is checking into the time differences between us and maybe even a flight. I am excited to meet him. I hope I do not dissappoint. Thanks for the encouragement you shared. I wish you all the best in all of your adventures of the heart!

Laurie

Bellezza,

I would also like to offer my thanks for your kind wishes and advice together with our best wishes for your hopeful liasons.
Laurie as I am sure you would agree is as lucid as the sky above us all.
I have my dreams but they are surpassed for the affection that I feel for her.
Best wishes,

Kelly