Spot the Asshole

I know this is probably not the best idea, but I have nowhere else to go. So this is a list about my husband and I really can't figure out if I'm the marker or he is.

If I am the marker, please let me know. Going through a difficult transit and I need objectivity.

p.s. we're both scorpios.

Good Stuff: *Wakes me up and brings me warm water *gives me a ride to my interviews or teaching gigs (I am new to his country, can't drive yet) *applies to jobs for me/helps me with interview prep,*cooks on weekends so I can work *won't harm me physically, *he hugs like he means it, *if his family says something mean about me behind my back, he does not let it come to me,*takes care of all finances (i'm new and still looking for work), *I like that we can both sit in silence together and listen to music or whatever.

Not so good stuff: *Extremely cheap (we sleep on mattresses on the floor), won't even buy curtains, his excuse: let's buy a house first.(we're not college students, he's a manager) Is not transparent about his finances, got angry and walked out when I asked. Wants all finances split half way when I start earning.

*Never wants to go out *No presents or gifts ever *No compliments *No honeymoon/ anniversary celebrations *Low key jibes about my weight or my body(I can't tell if they're out of love or not) *Does not like talking about deep stuff/emotions *I have started getting scared of him scolding me for little things. *we are having trouble communicating *does not believe in therapy or counseling.

Please understand, this may be a really stupid list or just making a list about my spouse and putting it online might be awful BUT i'm in a new country, very isolated and alone and definitely not thinking straight. I can't talk to anyone back home because I don't want them to worry.

I reallllly want my marriage to work, I need some objectivity regarding it.

Am I an ungrateful wife?

Do you feel ungrateful ?

Maybe he's broke and don't want to tell you idk.

You should add your own pros and cons to do a proper comparison study.

Why don't you get a job and buy a king size bed then?

If you understand that you're new to the country with no driver's license and that's temporarily an obstacle preventing you from working, why don't you understand that while you don't contribute monetarily things are a bit frugal?

Totally agreeing with no revealing of finances and when you start earning that everything goes 50:50.

You're both kinda assholish but you're living on his dime and that's where he gets a bit of leeway and allowance for being the bigger asshole.

you're not an ungrateful wife but you are making stupid mistakes.

have you spoke to him about the way you feel?

are you communicating effectively with him?

what can you do to make the situation better?

what complaints would he have about you?

have you asked him?

do you start each day thinking, what can i do to make my marriage better/stronger/closer?

you can come on here and bitch about him or you can find ways that you can contribute positively to your position. help the process of a new marriage where you are still getting to know each other.