For Scorpios, a breakup doesn't equal a breakup?

Hey, newbie here. Won't ask yall to be gentle - this is the Scorp board, after all 🙂

I'm an Aries, Taurus moon, Virg. ascending. Dated a Scorpio for a while. Things were going swimmingly until he said he felt like he was getting too close to me and needed to back off. He said he'd been gutted in his last relationships (girl before me got pregnant by a close friend of his, girl before her slept around with two of his friends. Needless to say, he dumped his friends and got new, trustworthier ones) and he feared being loved and loving someone who started getting close to him. He then said he needed to make himself a priority and care about others but do things for himself.

I was hurt, and after a few phone calls that ended weirdly or didn't start at all (ie, he ignored them), I assumed it was a wrap and dipped. I've been having fun dating and meeting new people but I have thought of this Scorpio often and was sad that things didn't work out but kept it moving.

Well, yesterday, out of the blue, he calls. I was surprised to hear from him after so much time (it's been a couple of months), and we catch up and such. He asks me if I was dating anyone and I told him "Eh, not seriously right now."

And he. Goes. Off.

"What? What do you mean you're dating somebody? I thought you and I were ..."

I was floored and reminded him of what he'd said about everything and he seemed amazed that I took it to mean he was through. He said "I needed some space and you kept calling me wanting to engage me in this and that. When you stopped, I thought you finally understood what I needed and I knew I could care about you and now come to find out you've been fucking other dudes?"

Well, let's just say the convo didn't end well and I'm once again on his shit list. I don't understand - is it only in the Scorpio universe that a breakup speech isn't a breakup speech? I'm talking to another Scorpio now (Oct. 29) and I'd like to get a handle on "Scorpio speech" before I go through this again.

Also, I have lurked a couple of days and see that Ariens are dogged here, lol, why? I know some can be obnoxious. I tend not to get along with March Ariens.

"For Scorpios, a breakup doesn't equal a breakup?"

LOL...sorry, I couldnt resist hon. No, it means he's taking time to think things over, don't ya know? They're not very vocal and they assume you'll be sitting at home waiting for them.

You did ok, don't worry about it. He wasnt clear and you moved on. If he wants you, trust me he'll come running back to fight for you. They get moody and think or rather hope you'll keep chasing after them.

I always say, dont chase. Just get on with your life. In true Arnie style , he'll be back 😛

You're on his shit list for now. He'll be on the phone to you in another week or two, once the sulking's over.

Thanks anotherscorp. I appreciate your perspective.

You said:

"But onto an answer of sorts: Always listen to your Scorp--do not assume you "understand" what they meant. Listen to the exact words. A Scorp doesn't beat around the bush he will always say EXACTLY what he means. He said he needed some time, right? Well that's what he meant. It looks like you assumed "need some time" meant "all over.""

Well, I'm not a reactionary person. But if your calls go unanswered 50 percent of the time, your invitations to hang go rejected with accompanying lame excuses and you get the sense that someone is just fucking with you, can't, at that point, assumptions be treated as fact? He told me he needed space and then proceeded to treat me like shit on his shoe when I tried to reach out. To me, that means "Fuck you, it's over you stupid bitch, leave me alone." So I did. For him to come now and say that I am somehow at fault for taking his actions at face value is very odd to me.

Hey, newbie. I spent a lot of time reading your threads, you are hilarious, girl! I like your style . It's interesting because you present more like a Fire sign than an Earth sign. I can't recall - do you have a lot of fire in your chart?

You said: "You did ok, don't worry about it. He wasnt clear and you moved on. If he wants you, trust me he'll come running back to fight for you. They get moody and think or rather hope you'll keep chasing after them."

Yeah, a Scorpio friend said that, but it's too weird for me. They treat you like shit if you chase after them, but then get all itchy when you don't? That's just too strange for me. I have no compunctions telling people I don't need in my life to fuck off and I guess I find it strange when others can't do the same in a straightforward manner. I wish I could read body language more.

"Hey, newbie. I spent a lot of time reading your threads, you are hilarious, girl! I like your style ."

Haha...thanks

"It's interesting because you present more like a Fire sign than an Earth sign. I can't recall - do you have a lot of fire in your chart?"

Let's just say I've got fire in all the right places 😛

"Yeah, a Scorpio friend said that, but it's too weird for me. They treat you like butter if you chase after them, but then get all itchy when you don't? That's just too strange for me."

You're not supposed to understand them so don't even try. Just be you and he'll find a way to fit in...not the other way round...lol
You've got a taurus moon. That's a good moon to handle a scorp. Just keep on keeping on.

Anotherscorp, haha, maybe I'm a little reactionary, but I think having an Earth moon sort of grounds me somewhat. I'm all about self-reflection, though, and appreciate any observation, even if it hurts me a little bit. 🙂

"Oh yeah, when i first started with both the bulls I dated, I really, really wanted to break it off in the beginning...I don't know why--maybe a little too much drama than I like or the whole laid back yet obsessed thing. But I stuck it out with them and it did get better--until it got worse..LOL..story for another time."

Laid back but obsessed? I would happen to think that would be a very GOOD thing, but if it got worse, lol, I suppose not!

Mata Hari, exactly. I mean, I'm not going to sit with my thumb up my ass for any guy. To me, he wasn't taking steps showing he wanted to be with me. It's fine - that's life. But I'm no mindreader and I don't like even the appearance of being treated like shit. We had something really cool and he got scared - again, that's life, but for him to get upset because I wasn't waiting with a candle in my hand seems a bit extra to me.

Hi, Jackdoniel.

"If he didn't actually say those words, why would you say he did? Whatever he told you was what he meant and whatever he did was how he felt like doing? that's all. Aries tend to assume, conclude and react so quickly to things, that they often end up fighting a battle that they created themselves. You can move on if you can't deal with him but don't assume that he meant F--k you, stupid b--ch if he didn't say so."

OK, point taken, but there comes a time where you have to just go on actions and/or gut feeling if the words themselves are not being spoken. A man in love with a woman isn't ignoring her phone calls, acting rude and distant when he does speak to her, or turning down invites to hang out. To me, continuing to engage a man like this is lowering your standards. No one likes to hear that a person they're into just isn't into them, but badgering them isn't going to change their mind one iota, and it seemed to me that this man was saying "I told you I needed space. Kindly fuck off." by his actions. So I did that and turned elsewhere.

I'm not knocking him for choices he made in any respect. I'm just baffled as to how he'd be upset that I assumed that it was over when he was acting in ways that even the most dense girl could perceive was the case.

Ha, I hear that, Newbie!

"You're not supposed to understand them so don't even try. Just be you and he'll find a way to fit in...not the other way round...lol
You've got a taurus moon. That's a good moon to handle a scorp. Just keep on keeping on. "

Ahh, so much of me wants to tell his ass off and the other part wants to just say "fuck it" and keep it moving and cut him off entirely.

"Also, I have lurked a couple of days and see that Ariens are dogged here, lol, why? I know some can be obnoxious. I tend not to get along with March Ariens."

We're all just a bunch of self-righteous pompous assholes, and if we did this in the real-world, people would kick our ass .. so, we burn off all our hatred in here 🙂

Aren't you glad you came to visit us now? 😉



Listen, Scorpios are about emotional control .... you have to fully comprehend this to see a clear picture.

The reason WHY he was vague, and then struck out for you not adhereing to it and making you feel guilty about it ... was for this emotional control.

They will NOT TELL YOU straight up .. instead, will insinuate the opposite of what they want .. and without ever SAYING it, then this gives them ammo to use against you to gain this emotional control over you, by proving to you that you betrayed their trust and now you have a job to do to prove to them that you are worthy of their trust.

Scorpios are masters at manipulation, don't ever forget that .. for if you do, you will fall prey. They wrap a loving world around you to make you feel like a queen, so you'll never see coming how you are tricked with backwards suggestions for you to react on to prove to them that you are just as loyal back.

Him saying to you about fucking someone else had absolutely nothing to do with the "sex" ... it had to do with you not adhereing to his emotional wishes of remaining loyal to him, eventhough he never spoke the words to you that you are to wait for him = control, be means of guilt. (see above about backwards manipulation, which is hidden inside of outward/verbal praise).


This is how they work .. bless 🙂 What you "hear" openly, directly, is how much you are adored to gain you .. hidden are the backwards suggestions with intentions to get you to do the wrong thing because you think this is what they want, so that they can use against you that they love you, do for you, and look how you betray.


Wrap that around your head and you'll understand what happened. Next time he infers something, without clarifying .. he's insinuating the opposite of what he wants, so IF you do what he is infering, then he has an emotional avenue in which to make you feel bad for betraying his trust.

See? Once you figure this out .. they are easy to relate to.

Hope that helps for you to understand exactly why you are now confused about what the hell happened, and good luck with him !

Here's an example of what I was saying BullMoon ...

It's common for a Scorpio to say, "You don't love me."

See how that's backwards?

Instead of asking, "do you love me" .. they will infer that you don't, to get you to say you do .... backwards emotional manipulation.


Scorpios are easy to relate to BullMoon, once you realize how they operate ..

And if you REALLY wanna piss them off when they throw that reverse psychology bullcrap at ya, (don't try this at home...unless he actually lives with you in that home...aka...relationship is established...unless you're just bored and feel like being a bitch)

Him: You don't love me
You: You're right, I don't

Then watch him squirm...lol. Evil, I know but sometimes its warranted.

"It's funny to see how fucked up Scorps come across to other people. No wonder we huddle together on this board!"


I don't think you Scorps are fucked up, anotherscorpio ... I think we are ALL fucked up in some fashion. 🙂

"why bother wanting to see me at all at that point. Wouldn't seeing me just spark it up again?"



ferdy, ferdy, ferdy ... you missed the concept of the whole backwards thing .. to understand your ScorpMan, you HAVE to wrap this around your head so you won't be confused.

Wow, thanks everyone for the perspectives! I find it interesting, too, that many of my Scorpio female friends said exactly what P-Angel said. That the whole "We're too close, need space" deal for a Scorpio is to see if you're going to just give up on him that easily - and if you do, he knows that you weren't worth wasting time on. One of my friends said "When he says he needs to back off, it's about him, it's not about you. And if you mirror him, he'll know all you're trying to do is please him and he'll see you as a fake bitch. Only back off if what you truly want is to not have him in your life."

This was after all was said and done. They said I was on the right track continuing to engage him in banter and flirtiness and that. I told one friend of mine that one of the last convos he and I had was about sex (I had gotten a new bed and the convo segued from that to ... other stuff) and he asked me how long it had been since I'd done it and I told him - and this was the truth - that I hadn't been with anyone since him and I was feeling a certain way. He asked me very belligerently "Well, what do you want me to do about that?" And I said "Well, I can think of 5 or 6 things I want you to do about that - well, 7 or 8 because I have a bed with a headboard now." He busted out laughing. My friend said I was melting him and then probably hurt him when I cut it short after that. I don't understand. The concept of saying "Hey, I feel _____" seems foreign to Scorpio men, but the females seem not to be that way.

Anotherscorp, I appreciate your insights. Yes, I figured after awhile I was being frozen out because I didn't "respect" his wishes right away and so I dipped. I thought the best way to show him I cared was to give him what he said he wanted. This seems to be your point of view as well, so it's interesting to get so many insights from different people, Scorpio and non.

Ferdy - Scorp men are a trip, aren't they! How do you feel about yours? Do you think it would work out if you all were in the same place?

Jackdoniel, thanks, I appreciate that. Yes, I suppose I am guilty of, um, reading a bit into things at times but I genuinely don't mean to do so. Most Ariens - esp. the women - are driven by pride, and as a Virgo rising, I'd rather chew off my own arm than look like a fool.

Aw ferdy...how can I put this eloquently?

He's FUCKI'NG with your mind!

You REALLY need to be tough when you start a relationship with a scorp. Your moon sign is so important, I'm not kidding. He's gonna try and run your emotions through the mill just so he can satisfy himself that you won't hurt him.

When he's sure then he crumbles. THAT'S when you can hurt him 😛

Seriously though, get those emotions in gear chica.

Newb, you're a Taurus, yes? How did you keep your emotions in check and can you (or anyone, but the person who said it to me said it applied mainly to Earth signs) tell me what this means? A Scorp male friend asked me if I'd ever cried in front of this particular guy or let him know when he'd hurt my feelings. When I answered no to both, the guy smiled and said "He's running because he knows you're perfect for him."

Wha ...? He said this applies only to Earth signs though because they are known to be "weepy."

"When he's sure then he crumbles. THAT'S when you can hurt him"



Oh don't do that though 😢

Scorps can't help it that they are insecure with this and so HAVE to twist you so that they can be certain .. it's just the way their made.

Please don't hurt them for it once you've captured them.

LOL

Bullmoon emotions are ruled by your moon sign. I'm an aqua at moon hehe emotionally independent. I didn't get the push syndrome as much as I'd have liked.

When he pushed I was going "Woohoo, SPACE" then he'd go WTF cuz I wasn't chasing and promptly PULL.

You keep your emotions in check by not stressing and just knowing he will be back. But you still get on with your life.

So let him go ferdy. Get on with your life. He'll call you but don't get all emotional about it. Just treat him as a friend and get on with your life.

No more chasing him, capisce?

Ferdy he's telling you all that bullcrap cuz he knows he has emotional control of the situation. You told him you didnt want to date other men. You NEVER tell them how you feel. Like EVER. (until he's telling anything that moves that you're his girlfriend)

My tactic to reverse psychology like "this isn't going to work" or "you dont love me" is silence. And then I change the topic..lol. If you remain a mystery, he keeps calling. If you reveal too much, he gets bored. I know this is a lot to digest but that's the way it works in scorpio man world.

If I were you, I'd employ Bullmoon's tactics...assume it's a wrap and dip.

from my exprience: initially they do the chasing, the talking, the manipulating and etc. then once they know they like you then he waits and hints for you to initiate some things. i think he does it to see how you really feel about him. my favorite is: why are you putting up with me and such😉 once he got "why" out of me and it was to his liking then he was all over me. they do those things non-stop and you should let him know that you know that he's playing a game and you can play back if you want. by now i think it's all a big joke and i play if i feel like. now he's talking how well we get along and we should be together. i kind of hinted that i think he's with me only for the physical thing and he was so upset with me that he almost bit my head off. he said some things when he was drunk that implied that he loves me and we should tell people that we're engaged. i don't take it too seriously for now but time will tell. so, my advice to you is to take it easy and don't let him manipulate you. push back in a nice way if you have to and let him know that you know about his head games😉

Sorry to hear that Ferdy...Those Dam_ Scorps will drive you to crazy house! LOL! What would you do if you didn't have all this great advice to help you gain some clarity? Good Luck!

Be careful Ferdy. Don't sit at home waiting around for a guy like that. Especially when he's dating other people. Not worth it.

This thread is old... But if he left me for months I would assume it was over too... Hell im a Taurus moon and after a week contact I'm looking for new affection. I'm best in relationships... So I would have thought no contact for so long meant moving on too ... Who leaves someone for months that you care about? You don't wonder if they ok? If you supposed to be a protector and safe haven how can you do that with no contact? Sounded like f u to me too... However since im dating a Scorpio moon I realize, you will go crazy figuring them out. He's never left me alone more than 2 days though. Or id be long gone too ðŸƒðŸ½ðŸƒðŸ½ðŸƒðŸ½

Posted by moondust
P-angel actually gave good advice back in the day

Still does.

Posted by moondust

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by moondust
P-angel actually gave good advice back in the day

Still does.

Once she said I know nothing about love because I'm an Aqua. I'm still holding that grudge against her.

click to expand

Hehehe Well, yeah, she's funny like that. I say drop it, it hurts you more than it hurts her. And I do think she gives some really good advice - she may be able to work on delivery, but...yeah.