I Decided

I am against marriage.

Ew, I was reading this confession section in an online magazine. Hundreds of members admitted to having extramarital affairs, and having NO GUILT or intentions of ending them. It was sickening.

Not that infidelity is a new concept to me. Just that the open display of it, and lack of remorse reinforced my already dwindling faith in monogamy and the integrity of humankind.

____________________________________

Now that I got that ^^ off my chest, let us discuss the rapidly spreading process of gentrification in the U.S. Who is it *really* benefiting?

What if U stumble upon forums where people share their stories about marital bliss ? Well, generally people who are happy dont spread stories so Ur observation sample has a bias 😉

I keep hearing it both ways. People get married to soon or they want too late to get married.

Good point, G.

But it's everywhere I look.

At my former employer, two of the partners were having an affair.

When I was at school, apparently, a ton of the staff were all sleeping together. Like one big orgy. Gross.

Yeah - on second thought it seems to be on the rise. CappyS has a valid point there.

So is there any right age/right time for marriage ? When do U know that Ur emotions are just ripe ?

From my POV, I think when you marry really depends on the person. You can be 23 or 73, when you are ready, then you are ready. By being ready, I mean, by understanding the responsiblities you already have before taking on someone elses. Also, you need to some how know yourself in order to know what you really want to do. We are all suppose to go through changes as we grow older but you need to have a good sense of self.

Well, G, it of course depends on the level of maturity of the individual. Whether they feel mentally, emotionally, and financially secure enough to enter into such a commitment.

I think those who warn against marrying too young do so because it is common for a person's self-image, ideals, and goals to change drastically during young adulthood up until 30 or so.

The notion of marrying too late probably reflects the biological clock and child-bearing window of opportunity, if one is to conceive naturally.

I know what you mean Aqualeo, I totally get that 🙂

DC,

I think everyone can be either good or ... the other 😉 It just depends on the path they choose. If a guy came along that I thought was the one I could commit too, then yes I would marry right now actually 🙂 Well, maybe in a year, I'm still trying to figure things out lol

ah, but ctoun theres never anything false ... about hope 🙂 I think people should really understand when something is over and move on already. Trying to stay and correct a bridge thats been burned to a crisp (thats what cheating is like for me) seems to be such a waste. There so much more out there to do and people tp meet and see, you know?

I still stand by my saying, "Men shouldnt get married before the age of 30, women before the age of 25-27."


I dont want to get married, for I too have no faith in humanity.

My faith went out the window just by observes others .. then I had to take along hard look at my relationships *shakes head* I didn't come up with a good conclusion, I attract creeps.

Apparently, when the creeps/ jerks find out how smart I really am, then things get complicated HAHAHAHA

I still stand by my theory, men can't stand to be around a smart woman, no matter what they say 🙂 Having a bit of fool in you drives men crazy.

Well, I shouldn't say all men, but some ... most.

LOL, true cappy. I am living in a new place with 3 guys and 4 other girls. One guy is closest to me and he admits to loving crazy women, he cant date a nice girl, b/c its just not exciting. My response to him was, "You and the rest of your kind...." lol


A smart woman has to wait awhile for a decent guy.

There's nothing wrong with being conservative ctoun, we are all one big pit of differences 🙂

But I can't lie, I cannot continue to be honorable and faithful to someone who has stepped out on me. No way, I know me better then anyone else and I am certain about this. Maybe that makes me no better then him, but you know what they say, "Theres no honor amongst thieves" 😉

To lie beside a man that I know has cheated on me is impossible to even imagine.

I've heard that too LadyM 🙂 They like the girls that see on TMZ 😉 Women are actually the same way. If the men isn't causing trouble or some poor broken soul who needs a head, women aren't interested hahahahaha!!!!!

Oh for sure Cappy, ladies never like the nice guy. (Im not one of them, but nice and attractive is sometimes difficult to find 😛)

Oh, it has nothing to do with age. If you havent noticed from DXP.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I agree with you lady 😄 Offline, I actually see older women acting worse then the ones my age. Maturity comes from learning from your experiences, the increasing number has nothing to do with it.


Neither can i,i dont belive in effort from only one side.

I don't either, we think alike 🙂 I always hear, its up to the woman to do this, its up to be the woman to do that. Whatever, what the hell is the man doing while the woman is trying to keep the relationship together?

we're all just animals. get over it.

''But it's everywhere I look.

At my former employer, two of the partners were having an affair. ''

SS, affair is all too common even when people are dating not just married - I'm always with guys due to work...it's not seen the same emotionally charged-way women see it as the gus don't usually fall into affairs with blind passion from my observations - it's systematic and logical...one guy said to me weeks ago 'I need a Mistress' only because he wasn't getting enough at home but was smart enough to hide all traces and respects his wife and kids too much to leave, but intended to actively look for a mistress 🙂 ...Should the woman feel respected or disrespected in this case? A lot of women will turn a blind eye as 'who does he go home to at the end of the day?'.

''So is there any right age/right time for marriage ? When do U know that Ur emotions are just ripe ?''

I don't think it's an age thing mostly - it's how much you can analyse yourself and situations you go into. If you want to wait till the 'right age' but age doesn't bring maturity....then waste of time waiting, right? There's just a lot of pre-conceived definitions of marriage that a lot of people use to define their relationships...I personally have no believe in the whole thing so don't even date...ssshhh, don't tell my mom 😉 Frankly, marriage concept and expectations is unrealistic sometimes.

The thing that always stands out as a major marriage prob is communication issues...

''I'd rather be lonely than alone!'' Aqualeo, can't say I get that one...

"we're all just animals. get over it."

Speak for Capricorns only, please.

"Well, G, it of course depends on the level of maturity of the individual"

Yes - true. And what CappyS and Zen said.

Is there any element of luck in this as well ? Do U believe itz in the planets/stars ?

You bring up good points Zena 🙂

However, as far as whether or not the wife should feel respected or disrespected just because he decides to come home to her after having sex with someone I think has to be with how the women feels about herself -- personally. And how she feels about the children too. I can care less whether or not he comes home or not, what he does when he's 'in my face' doesn't matter as much as to what he does when I'm not around him.

Trust is key, and if I don't have that, then I don't have anything. Whats the point in hacving someone attached to you if theres no honesty there. That's just like dead weight to me, why on earth are you here in the first place? Is it to save face? Is it to put on some front that we have 'the perfect' union or whatever. Please, I'd rather he go home to his mistress 😉 At least thats real and true. I say, get out of here if you don't want to stay 🙂

Yes - true. And what CappyS and Zen said.

Is there any element of luck in this as well ? Do U believe itz in the planets/stars ?

Actually, I think it depends on many things, the planet and stars being one of them. I wouldn't be on this board if I think that astrology/personalogy had something to do with many things, not just relationships but many things. I'm not closed-minded, think there are many things that effect us. We are not just shells walking with one fron in front of the other just for the sake of it. Oh no, thats not logical 🙂

Speak for Capricorns only, please.

LOL!!!! @ GA But you are a ram 😛

"Actually, I think it depends on many things, the planet and stars being one of them"

Very interesting CappyS - it hasn't been proved yet but perhaps it cant be discounted as well since with rapidly changing paradigms itz no longer feasible to dismiss such beliefs. I remember there was a study conducted few years back which drew conclusions that those males who suffered low fertility rates had their Jupiter ( index ? ) fingers differing in length by a few milimeters - lends some credence to Palmistry I guess ?

If U go by Indian astrology - then Ur life path is pre-ordained - almost governed by clock-work planetary movements - but thatz too fatalist I guess.

"LOL!!!! @ GA But you are a ram "

What do U think I chose to lock horns for, then ? 😛

''I say, get out of here if you don't want to stay''

but a lot of the partners never know *shrug*.

''Is there any element of luck in this as well ? Do U believe itz in the planets/stars ?''

GA, I'm afraid not luck - research's been carried out here: http://astrological-sun-signs.suite101.com/article.cfm/marriage_and_divorce_for_leo

Interesting read for me ?iif you scroll to bottom, you'll see review for another sign and go from there - not time to find the main page - sorry!?j.

I think the message is all signs can get together but some basic astro compatibility helps them stay together longer - can be moon, sun, etc...as well as common sense, maturity, upbringing - there is especially no luck, it constant hard work to build relationships - CONSTANT stressed.

pls excuse my typos

Question: If you knew someone's having extra-marital aff and doesn't have an open marriage, would you tell the partner if you knew them too? 🙂

""But lets stay positive. if god made us, there might be some good men out there who think like us?""

You're right, DC. That thought is comforting.

cap


We totally think alike.

""I still stand by my saying, "Men shouldnt get married before the age of 30, women before the age of 25-27.""


- Agreed.


Too bad I've converted to an anti-marriage stance.

zen

i've learned that in those types of situations, it is best to stay out of the personal affairs of others. otherwise, you'll end up the one at blame, or the one at which the fury is directed.

most times they know anyway, or at least have an inkling.

marriage -> overrated

you've been married?

i was for all practical intent and purpose married. We never legally tied the knot.

common law?

common law varies by state. my state does not recognize common law marriage.

Marriage is unnecessary, what does it really accomplish? Provides income for everyone involved in making the marriage happen and then for those that facilitate the divorce. Marrying someone does not prove your love and it certainly does not guarantee that either party will remain faithful or in love.

If you need a piece of paper and a ring to make you feel that you are loved unconditionally then you're missing a key point of love entirely; trust. If you both truly love each other unconditionally, why would you need anything else? Marriage is merely a tradition based in religion that has turned into a business, commercialized and bastardized just like Thanksgiving and Christmas, to the point where it only makes sense if you're profiting from it.

Being married is actually a hindrance to an honest relationship. Many people are unhappily married but stay together because of the financial devastation they would suffer if they divorced which in turn leads to the cheating. If there were no penalties then the couple could communicate to each other their unhappiness and desire to end the relationship, if they decide to work things out it will not be due to fear of losing money, hence much more honest.

The idea of marriage to declare yourself betrothed to one person forever has it's merits in a romantic way, but once the government gets involved in any aspect of our personal lives it becomes a clusterphuk of epic proportions and ultimately completely useless.

''i've learned that in those types of situations, it is best to stay out of the personal affairs of others. otherwise, you'll end up the one at blame, or the one at which the fury is directed.

most times they know anyway, or at least have an inkling.''

That's what I think too as women have fairly good intuitions - I know so many of those situations it's unbelievable - these days sometimes I say excuse me when the conversation goes that direction...if it's a juicy enough story, I hang around *shrugs*

Nope never been married - never even dated - find the whole thing's comical to be honest with you...

Being married is actually a hindrance to an honest relationship. Many people are unhappily married but stay together because of the financial devastation they would suffer if they divorced which in turn leads to the cheating. If there were no penalties then the couple could communicate to each other their unhappiness and desire to end the relationship, if they decide to work things out it will not be due to fear of losing money, hence much more honest.

You rise a good point SSP 🙂

There are many who think like you, but I can't help but wonder ...

What is the purpose of not legally committing? Why does marriage get blamed for the demise of a relationship/marriage? If there were no such thing around, then what would be the excuse?

Its up to people to keep things together, the government has nothing to do with it. Right now, if people don't know whats going with the economy, then they've been underneath a solid rock for seven years. Economic problems are bound to happen, thats why two people can put their heads together and come up with solutions or a way to deal. If you go into something thinking its going to be perfect, then you kind of setup yourself up for a letdown.

I personally think that those who want an open relationship but no committments are afraid of responsiblities -- well, responsibilites that don't include sex and earning money.

Mindless Self-Indulgence = my generation with a few gen-xers

*tsk*tsk*tsk*tsk *shakes head*

Question: If you knew someone's having extra-marital aff and doesn't have an open marriage, would you tell the partner if you knew them too?

Yes ma'am, I've done it four times already. Out of the four, I'm still friends with three of them 🙂

The one that I'm not friends with anymore is very stupid -- very, very stupid. She's a pisces (which shocks me because pisces women are usually alot smarter, but not this one). She thinks the sun rises and set in this Saggie guy. She has known him for a while, but I've known of him a bit longer. He's a douche who keeps her on a string, promising her this and that and I know and she knows that he's married ... well, she knows now.

''What is the purpose of not legally committing? .......Its up to people to keep things together, the government has nothing to do with it.''

I thought Govt = legal...two people decide to get together of their free will, no legalities, is this what you're saying?

''Why does marriage get blamed for the demise of a relationship/marriage? If there were no such thing around, then what would be the excuse? ''

DXP is a classic example as majority of the people here are not married but relationships are been made and broken fairly regularly.

''I personally think that those who want an open relationship but no committments are afraid of responsiblities -- well, responsibilites that don't include sex and earning money.''

Hmmm - I thought responsibility is taking care of one's duties and being accountable for your actions - I was under the impression we can decide what this is? Do we have choices of what to be considered responsible?

Please define 'Mindless Self-Indulgence''

But she just can't seem to let him be. She thought I was being bitter because I suggested that he was bad news. After she said that, I said "whatever", you're on your own babe 😉

With a cap friend of mine, I told her that her boyfriend was an asshole because I saw him out with another girl (this was a few years ago). She knows I wouldn't lie to her and I have no reason to. So, she believed me -- she caught him on her own after I informed her and she broke up with him -- to this day, he doesn't know that I'm the one who busted him 😉

There are simular conclusions to the other two situations -- my Saggie best friend and an Aries girl and my Leo and I don't know what sign that guy was lol

lol @ Zena

I thought Govt = legal...two people decide to get together of their free will, no legalities, is this what you're saying?

Umm, yeah Zena, I think what you wrote is what I meant 🙂 🙂

Hmmm - I thought responsibility is taking care of one's duties and being accountable for your actions - I was under the impression we can decide what this is? Do we have choices of what to be considered responsible?

Oh no zena, I meant taking on others responsiblites -- you can't really be concerned with only yourself when you are married. Well, I suppose you can but I'm not sure how that would work 😛

lease define 'Mindless Self-Indulgence''

That's just a term used to describe my generation. My prof is suppose to discuss it this week but she touched on it slightly. It sad really, I don't want that title 😢

''Mindless Self-Indulgence'' is kind of the era we are in right now. It like, you automatically get what you want, just because its there, you don't really have to work towards it. An example is something that my psy instrustor discussed a about a year ago -- women are readily available to men and vice versa. People can walk in and out and back into relationships again without any worries -- which creates problems.

I had to write a paper on it, I was one of the few who got an -A 🙂 hahaha, the topic was so hard. But writing that paper forced me to think about human interaction because I had to research it.