is there anyone i can talk to? need help emotionally

Hi everyone....long time lurker her.....it's very late from where i am posting and there is no one i can speak to right now. is anyone out there?

I'm vry upset and really need someone

What’s wrong?

Shoot.

Posted by Aliensusedourbogroll

The suspense is killing me.

A verified Scorpio, right there. lol

Hi, thank you all for replying. It's my marriage that's troubling me.

it has barely been 6 months since i got married and my husband and i live in different continents. i'm still living in my home country because i am waiting for my papers. He visited me for about 1.5 months in these six months.

Here's the problem, I * feel * he's a subtle liar and manipulator and am finding it hard for me to trust him. he's slick so he has answers for everything. if he doesn't have answers. he storms out and it becomes a fight.

he has changed completely post marriage, we only talk for ten mins a day right before he leaves for work...he doesn't text or reply to my texts, i keep telling him, it's not enough for me and it's hurtful but he doesn't make any changes.

Here's the issue, i don't know if it's the long distance or if i'm crazy or these are genuine red flags. i don't want to leave my country and my whole life for someone who doesn't love me.

And please understand that i am asian, and this was an arranged marriage, we met through our parents, 'dated' for a week, got engaged and then got married after 6 months of the engagement. (there were no issues till the wedding)

oh, and we're both scorpios 😭

Posted by ab88

Hi, thank you all for replying. It's my marriage that's troubling me.

it has barely been 6 months since i got married and my husband and i live in different continents. i'm still living in my home country because i am waiting for my papers. He visited me for about 1.5 months in these six months.

Here's the problem, I * feel * he's a subtle liar and manipulator and am finding it hard for me to trust him. he's slick so he has answers for everything. if he doesn't have answers. he storms out and it becomes a fight.

he has changed completely post marriage, we only talk for ten mins a day right before he leaves for work...he doesn't text or reply to my texts, i keep telling him, it's not enough for me and it's hurtful but he doesn't make any changes.

Here's the issue, i don't know if it's the long distance or if i'm crazy or these are genuine red flags. i don't want to leave my country and my whole life for someone who doesn't love me.

And please understand that i am asian, and this was an arranged marriage, we met through our parents, 'dated' for a week, got engaged and then got married after 6 months of the engagement. (there were no issues till the wedding)

it sounds like hes done with you sorry, when scorpios like people they always show a gentle side, if hes only being mean and distant and storms out fast i guess u either did him wrong or hes just bored of u....

Posted by imascorpio10

Posted by ab88

Hi, thank you all for replying. It's my marriage that's troubling me.

it has barely been 6 months since i got married and my husband and i live in different continents. i'm still living in my home country because i am waiting for my papers. He visited me for about 1.5 months in these six months.

Here's the problem, I * feel * he's a subtle liar and manipulator and am finding it hard for me to trust him. he's slick so he has answers for everything. if he doesn't have answers. he storms out and it becomes a fight.

he has changed completely post marriage, we only talk for ten mins a day right before he leaves for work...he doesn't text or reply to my texts, i keep telling him, it's not enough for me and it's hurtful but he doesn't make any changes.

Here's the issue, i don't know if it's the long distance or if i'm crazy or these are genuine red flags. i don't want to leave my country and my whole life for someone who doesn't love me.

And please understand that i am asian, and this was an arranged marriage, we met through our parents, 'dated' for a week, got engaged and then got married after 6 months of the engagement. (there were no issues till the wedding)

it sounds like hes done with you sorry, when scorpios like people they always show a gentle side, if hes only being mean and distant and storms out fast i guess u either did him wrong or hes just bored of u....

click to expand

It's possible...but we've never really lived together or spent real time together...my rational brain tells me to calm down and give it time till it's just the both of us...but my heart just hurts...it feels like it would explode

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by ab88

Hi, thank you all for replying. It's my marriage that's troubling me.

it has barely been 6 months since i got married and my husband and i live in different continents. i'm still living in my home country because i am waiting for my papers. He visited me for about 1.5 months in these six months.

Here's the problem, I * feel * he's a subtle liar and manipulator and am finding it hard for me to trust him. he's slick so he has answers for everything. if he doesn't have answers. he storms out and it becomes a fight.

he has changed completely post marriage, we only talk for ten mins a day right before he leaves for work...he doesn't text or reply to my texts, i keep telling him, it's not enough for me and it's hurtful but he doesn't make any changes.

Here's the issue, i don't know if it's the long distance or if i'm crazy or these are genuine red flags. i don't want to leave my country and my whole life for someone who doesn't love me.

And please understand that i am asian, and this was an arranged marriage, we met through our parents, 'dated' for a week, got engaged and then got married after 6 months of the engagement. (there were no issues till the wedding)

Is it possible for him to visit you anytime sooner before you get your papers and spend time one on one without outside/family influence? Or have you guys done that?

Are you aware of any underlying issue that might make him to lie or manipulate you? Or feel betrayed/lose interest? I mean did anything happen to bring this marked change in his behavior towards you if he was good towards you during the engaged stage.

click to expand

I honestly have no idea....when i talk to him about the change he says, that was fun time and now this is real life. we went for a very short trip away from family and that was fun.

it could be family influence, but if he is someone who can be influenced by family...should we be together?

Again, please let me make it clear that my dilemma is because of 2 reasons:

1. i can't figure out if this is all in my head or not.

2. marriage to me is a sacred thing, i took vows, i cant just walk away BUT how much is too much?

Posted by LadyLuna19

Sounds like hes creating some distance. I'm not a scorpio but I would imagine wreaking havoc if you've spited me or if there's a disinterest and I want to get rid of you and have no care of your feelings.

If you want to try saving the marriage, maybe talk calmly to him and see what's causing it. Maybe hes frustrated with the distance but doesnt see the destruction from the lack of communication. Maybe he feels hes putting more effort? Not to be rude, but maybe he feels it was a mistake? I've seen some men start feeling the stress of commitment

1. he says it's hard going back after two months of being together, so the more he calls, the more he misses me.

2. he's not much of a textr, but i told him the phone is all we have so i can't let that go

3. i asked him if he thinks he made a mistake, so far he hasn't said yes.

I hope you understand, for us, marriage is not dating, it is very hard for us to separate (culturally and spiritually). so maybe that's why he didn't say what he really feels. but i'd like to help ease the stress he is feeling because of the commitment, but i can only do that if he tells me what it really is and allows me in.

i haven't slept in very long. I am just so stressed. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Posted by LadyLuna19

Posted by ab88

Posted by LadyLuna19

Sounds like hes creating some distance. I'm not a scorpio but I would imagine wreaking havoc if you've spited me or if there's a disinterest and I want to get rid of you and have no care of your feelings.

If you want to try saving the marriage, maybe talk calmly to him and see what's causing it. Maybe hes frustrated with the distance but doesnt see the destruction from the lack of communication. Maybe he feels hes putting more effort? Not to be rude, but maybe he feels it was a mistake? I've seen some men start feeling the stress of commitment

1. he says it's hard going back after two months of being together, so the more he calls, the more he misses me.

2. he's not much of a textr, but i told him the phone is all we have so i can't let that go

3. i asked him if he thinks he made a mistake, so far he hasn't said yes.

I hope you understand, for us, marriage is not dating, it is very hard for us to separate (culturally and spiritually). so maybe that's why he didn't say what he really feels. but i'd like to help ease the stress he is feeling because of the commitment, but i can only do that if he tells me what it really is and allows me in.

i haven't slept in very long. I am just so stressed. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

It's all good, marriage is a huge commitment. Maybe try easing the pain of the distance by sending small things to have him remember you. Or when you do take the time to bond take pictures and make a scrap album together.

I've only been with a scorpio once, and from what I felt, at least with him. They appreciate little things, especially things they feel will go unnoticed.

I do hope it gets easier, are you guys planning on moving together soon at least?

click to expand

oh, iv'e done that, i've sent hampers that i felt he'd like, but i don't see him reciprocating, he sent flowers on valentines day only after he realised, i would probably kill him if he forgot....and i know love is not about reciprocating, it's not an equation but i'm finding it hard to figure out how he shows affection. i mean i can't even get him to respond to my texts or links or pictures that i send him.

am i being too much of a girl here?

yes, my papers will be ready by the end of this year and we'll move in.

Posted by LadyLuna19

Posted by ab88

Posted by LadyLuna19

Posted by ab88

Posted by LadyLuna19

Sounds like hes creating some distance. I'm not a scorpio but I would imagine wreaking havoc if you've spited me or if there's a disinterest and I want to get rid of you and have no care of your feelings.

If you want to try saving the marriage, maybe talk calmly to him and see what's causing it. Maybe hes frustrated with the distance but doesnt see the destruction from the lack of communication. Maybe he feels hes putting more effort? Not to be rude, but maybe he feels it was a mistake? I've seen some men start feeling the stress of commitment

1. he says it's hard going back after two months of being together, so the more he calls, the more he misses me.

2. he's not much of a textr, but i told him the phone is all we have so i can't let that go

3. i asked him if he thinks he made a mistake, so far he hasn't said yes.

I hope you understand, for us, marriage is not dating, it is very hard for us to separate (culturally and spiritually). so maybe that's why he didn't say what he really feels. but i'd like to help ease the stress he is feeling because of the commitment, but i can only do that if he tells me what it really is and allows me in.

i haven't slept in very long. I am just so stressed. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

It's all good, marriage is a huge commitment. Maybe try easing the pain of the distance by sending small things to have him remember you. Or when you do take the time to bond take pictures and make a scrap album together.

I've only been with a scorpio once, and from what I felt, at least with him. They appreciate little things, especially things they feel will go unnoticed.

I do hope it gets easier, are you guys planning on moving together soon at least?

oh, iv'e done that, i've sent hampers that i felt he'd like, but i don't see him reciprocating, he sent flowers on valentines day only after he realised, i would probably kill him if he forgot....and i know love is not about reciprocating, it's not an equation but i'm finding it hard to figure out how he shows affection. i mean i can't even get him to respond to my texts or links or pictures that i send him.

am i being too much of a girl here?

yes, my papers will be ready by the end of this year and we'll move in.

If you want my two cents, no I dont think you're being too much of a girl. I think like anyone in a relationship, a slight sign of affection could mean a world of a difference. Maybe he shows his in a practical sense like with the paperwork and getting it processed through. Or maybe he'll show more affection once you're under the same roof

click to expand

I'm trying to look for those signs. But right now, I'm just so confused, i can't tell if i'm the problem or if there is a real problem with us.

do you know anyone who can counsel based on synastry? the planets would know what's up, right?

Posted by Fallen2Pisces

this might sound cray, but did you let him smash?

um, yes....everyday, sometimes twice a day

Posted by Fallen2Pisces

Posted by ab88

Posted by Fallen2Pisces

this might sound cray, but did you let him smash?

um, yes....everyday, sometimes twice a day

welp

click to expand

like i said, we're scorpios

Posted by Fallen2Pisces

Posted by ab88

Posted by Fallen2Pisces

Posted by ab88

Posted by Fallen2Pisces

this might sound cray, but did you let him smash?

um, yes....everyday, sometimes twice a day

welp

like i said, we're scorpios

lol freaks!

click to expand

come on! this is al we were going to get in one whole year...it's a desert now that he's gone

Posted by Toti

As a fellow Scorpio myself, ill tell you not to overthink it. But also don't put away your intuition only because of some social norms. Marriage is important and it is for the next decades to last. It is your life. If he doesn't make you feel comfortable, talk to your parents about it. I'm sure there is someone around you who will listen.

Just out of curiosity...what's his sign. Please don't tell me a Taurus.

no no, he's a scorpio....i couldn't find a grown up to help because i feel if i talk to someone from his side, they'll not like me very much and obviously take his side...if i talk to someone from my side, then since they do not have a clear picture of him they may not be about to guide me.

that's why i thought, synastry migtt help. maybe, i'm going through a bad phase and my imagination is running wild.

and that's the real issue here, how can you tell what's real and imaginary when it comes to life problems?

i don't ever want to look back and think, oh i wish i had a clearer perspective back then, it was nothing.

(am i making any sense?)

Hey, I hope you feel better. I send you a virtual hug. I wish you lots of happiness.

The most important thing is that, you have to believe that your future will be better.

I wanna say also that you are not alone. There are many people who feels this way, including me. I also feels the same, I feel like that everyday.

But you just have to keep FIGHTING, cause the world is a beautiful place and you will meet people who will love you and understands you.

My advice for you is to distract yourself from these dark feelings, I know its realyyy hard, but you just have to do it.

You can watch a movie or make something you like to do. JUST DO NOT GIVE UP.

Recently I watched the movie Wonder, its interesting. You can watch it if you want.

Posted by ab88

Hi, thank you all for replying. It's my marriage that's troubling me.

it has barely been 6 months since i got married and my husband and i live in different continents. i'm still living in my home country because i am waiting for my papers. He visited me for about 1.5 months in these six months.

Here's the problem, I * feel * he's a subtle liar and manipulator and am finding it hard for me to trust him. he's slick so he has answers for everything. if he doesn't have answers. he storms out and it becomes a fight.

he has changed completely post marriage, we only talk for ten mins a day right before he leaves for work...he doesn't text or reply to my texts, i keep telling him, it's not enough for me and it's hurtful but he doesn't make any changes.

Here's the issue, i don't know if it's the long distance or if i'm crazy or these are genuine red flags. i don't want to leave my country and my whole life for someone who doesn't love me.

And please understand that i am asian, and this was an arranged marriage, we met through our parents, 'dated' for a week, got engaged and then got married after 6 months of the engagement. (there were no issues till the wedding)

you have alot of paranoia about him. I know what you're going through because i have extreme paranoia issues if my man for example is not with me. I will accuse him of everything, because my jealousy is intense and this will make everyone miserable.

he has answers for everything because he doesn't want to "confront" you ...and it tires him the hell out ...and makes him miserable too. so he avoids. Of course this is what i'm concluding..from this post alone.

yes it's long distance...because you can't SEE or know what's going on and your mind is conjuring all kinds of stuff. you believe there are ghosts where there is none.



ok...it's an arranged marriage? hmmm that can be tricky.

yeah i would be super paranoid. because i dont know if he married me for just me or for because of the money and connection/family...

your fears are completely RIGHT.

well... let us know the update later.. because ur marriage is just beginning..

Posted by dreamer18

Hey, I hope you feel better. I send you a virtual hug. I wish you lots of happiness.

The most important thing is that, you have to believe that your future will be better.

I wanna say also that you are not alone. There are many people who feels this way, including me. I also feels the same, I feel like that everyday.

But you just have to keep FIGHTING, cause the world is a beautiful place and you will meet people who will love you and understands you.

My advice for you is to distract yourself from these dark feelings, I know its realyyy hard, but you just have to do it.

You can watch a movie or make something you like to do. JUST DO NOT GIVE UP.

Recently I watched the movie Wonder, its interesting. You can watch it if you want.

thank you so much 🙂

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by ab88

Hi, thank you all for replying. It's my marriage that's troubling me.

it has barely been 6 months since i got married and my husband and i live in different continents. i'm still living in my home country because i am waiting for my papers. He visited me for about 1.5 months in these six months.

Here's the problem, I * feel * he's a subtle liar and manipulator and am finding it hard for me to trust him. he's slick so he has answers for everything. if he doesn't have answers. he storms out and it becomes a fight.

he has changed completely post marriage, we only talk for ten mins a day right before he leaves for work...he doesn't text or reply to my texts, i keep telling him, it's not enough for me and it's hurtful but he doesn't make any changes.

Here's the issue, i don't know if it's the long distance or if i'm crazy or these are genuine red flags. i don't want to leave my country and my whole life for someone who doesn't love me.

And please understand that i am asian, and this was an arranged marriage, we met through our parents, 'dated' for a week, got engaged and then got married after 6 months of the engagement. (there were no issues till the wedding)

you have alot of paranoia about him. I know what you're going through because i have extreme paranoia issues if my man for example is not with me. I will accuse him of everything, because my jealousy is intense and this will make everyone miserable.

he has answers for everything because he doesn't want to "confront" you ...and it tires him the hell out ...and makes him miserable too. so he avoids. Of course this is what i'm concluding..from this post alone.

yes it's long distance...because you can't SEE or know what's going on and your mind is conjuring all kinds of stuff. you believe there are ghosts where there is none.



ok...it's an arranged marriage? hmmm that can be tricky.

yeah i would be super paranoid. because i dont know if he married me for just me or for because of the money and connection/family...

your fears are completely RIGHT.

well... let us know the update later.. because ur marriage is just beginning..

click to expand

thank you for hearing me out....i had a good cry and took a bath and now i feel a little bit better....i really love him and i do want my marriage to work.....maybe i should just let go of any expectations till we're actually living together....and then see what it really is....

Thank you so much for your kind words

Posted by Toti

Posted by ab88

Posted by Toti

As a fellow Scorpio myself, ill tell you not to overthink it. But also don't put away your intuition only because of some social norms. Marriage is important and it is for the next decades to last. It is your life. If he doesn't make you feel comfortable, talk to your parents about it. I'm sure there is someone around you who will listen.

Just out of curiosity...what's his sign. Please don't tell me a Taurus.

no no, he's a scorpio....i couldn't find a grown up to help because i feel if i talk to someone from his side, they'll not like me very much and obviously take his side...if i talk to someone from my side, then since they do not have a clear picture of him they may not be about to guide me.

that's why i thought, synastry migtt help. maybe, i'm going through a bad phase and my imagination is running wild.

and that's the real issue here, how can you tell what's real and imaginary when it comes to life problems?

i don't ever want to look back and think, oh i wish i had a clearer perspective back then, it was nothing.

(am i making any sense?)

I've been there... The feeling when what you have isn't what you need or want. It lasted eight years for me. He was the love of my life but I think he never really loved me. After eight years of trying to be the best wife, to change myself for him, ... I realized that wasn't the way. No matter what I did it was never good enough.

Whenever he travelled be never took me with him. He never talked to me much when he was away. Sometimes, when he was away for two months he never called or texted.

Finally I had enough. Turned my back, left and divorced him. I was alone in his country. I changed my life for him. I left my career, everything. Was it worth it? No.

But, I came out stronger. Much stronger. It hurt a lot. I was 35 when I divorced him. Now ill be 37 within couple of months. But, now I'm like bit again. I laugh, travel, enjoy my life. He is just a memory now. He married a couple of months after we divorced. I hear he is miserable now but that is not my business anymore.

Listen to your heart. Listen to it well. Eventually you will know what to do. All the best!

click to expand

this is the nicest post i've read in a long time....thank you for your courage, it's inspiring and helpful to me....and makes me feel this isn't the end of my life

thank you so much.

please just know tat your story helped elevate someone's state of being.

god bless you.

Posted by AneemA04

Can you try to divert your focus away from your husband for a while?

While waiting for your papers, do something that can make you feel valuable.. Learn new skills, take more care of your body, read more, meet up with new people, etc so you will feel better about yourself and therefore you will feel better about life generally and so will you about your marriage.

yes, i believe this is a very practical way to move forward....to raise my value....thank you

Long distance is tough, but the real work begins when you guys are actually living together.

Don’t worry though Op, he’ll soon find out that you can’t easily be dismissed, lied to, manipulated, or placed on the back burner ;p Happy you’re feeling better

I don't think I'd marry someone after one week of 'dating'. That's not even dating.

The problem here is that you don't know him because the 'getting to know yiu' stage was entirely missed. This is due to the arranged marriage situation.

I think, in my opinion, if someone is a bit of an arsehole and/or you're not compatible then it's going to be the same after one week or ten years.

Some work. Some don't.

Unfortunately, I don't think you have any choice but to make this work.