Loyalty

How loyal are we Scorpios, really? I'm referring to both romantic relationships and friendships. Do you other Scorpios find it hard to stick it out with one person over the long haul? Do you find yourself being attracted to, or even getting caught up in affairs with people other than your partner? We are the sign of Sex, Death and Rebirth--how do you relate these famous scorpionic symbols to our interactions with other people? How does this symbolism affect these relationships?

I find myself periodically taking stock of what I have, and trying to do away with what's useless or harmful, and replace it with the useful and helpful. However, when I hold on to those things or people which are no longer "good" for me, I find myself almost unhealthily attached to those things or people; trying, at all costs, to salvage what is often unsalvageable. On the flip side, I sometimes find myself having so little patience with others that I discard them the first time they cross me--which could be seen as too unforgiving on my part, and I have made mistakes in the past by being too unforgiving.

Your thoughts, fellow Scorpions (as well as those who have known some of us)?

~Heather~

Hey! Miss Heather,

You always have these difficult two-part questions. Let see if I can tackle some of them.

1. Do you find yourself being attracted to or even caught up in the affairs of others, other than your partner? And doe this symbolism affect these relationships?

I think it's not only normal, but very healthy. This is why there are numerous soap operas on TV and voyeristic type programs that are very popular today. You may have a higher degree of intrest People relating to one another is facinating to me too! For some reason it fulfills our needs that may or may not be met in your everyday life. Not to say that we are bored or boring, but we just like all the elements of humans realting and expressing emotions. You seem to be a curious type of person who loves connecting and relating to all types of people. It shouldn't be a problem unless you are acting out some of these hidden fantasies or trying to create a world that is not real. Live your life in the moment and enjoy every second of it for what it is. If you are happy and you are not hurting anyone, then I don't see a problem!!!

2. I find myself holding on to people that are no longer good for me, I find myself almost unhealthily attached to those people or things at all costs. On the flip side, I sometimes have no patience with others and discard them the first time they cross me.

Could I say this and not be offensive. If I do come off that way, please understand that it is not intended to be hurtful. It could be you are making something out of nothing?? In other words you read way too much into something that you deem as causing you 'pain'. Is it really hurting you or are you just telling yourself this. We only continue in behavior that is bad for us if we enjoy it! Scorpio's seem to make either very deep connections with people or none at all. The friends they make are made for life, and in every definition of the word 'friend' they exceed in it. That's why I wonder if someone is bothering you, it may be because you are unsure if you want to make the connection at all and you are making excuses for reasons not to. Scorpios love people uncondiitonally and it is for life. Don't let little problems get you out of whack. We all go through all the emotions when we are in relationships. We fight, and then we resolve it and then love them some more.

I can't say for sure what may be going on because of the obvious lack of details, but it could be that if someone overly sensitive. Does the offense fit the punishment— You tell yourself you are hurt and then it manifests itself into resentment and anger. Try telling yourself more postive things like. Oh, maybe they are having a bad day and this will change. I would say a little distance and not to take things too personally. Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes or cut them some slack. We never know if that person you had a problem with is having their own problems, and they may have been caught of guard. I know that has happened to me before, and later I felt terrible when I found out what the circumstance really were. I would say if you care and it sounds like you do, then just give it some time. Life has away of working itself out and all we have to do is be loving people. As a friend said to me today, when you do your best, then you have nothing to be worry about. And yes, practicing forgivness is the correct way to run your life. If we can't forgive, then we shouldn't expect it for ourselves either. It is a two-way street.

Stay happy!
Susan

I can't say for sure what may be going on because of the obvious lack of details, but it could be that (if someone overly sensitive.) Does the offense fit the punishment—

Text in parenthsis should read-- you are being overly sensitive. Ok! maybe someone out there with some real insight like I-sun or Durri or Star can help you more!!! I know you at least will get three very different but logical answers.
S

Susan, thank you for your response. You definitely gave me some interesting things to chew on. I probably am a little too sensitive sometimes; I've also been told many times, "Heather, you're reading into this too much". Maybe it's because I know how much I hold back from saying, and then when I do say something, I often speak between the lines, if that makes sense. Thus I assume that others are relating to me that exact same way.

You are right, there's a lot to my questions...to clarify my post a bit, I was wondering how much truth there is to the often written about Scorpio loyalty--particularly in relationships. Because while I desire a one-on-one commitment deep down, I often seem to get caught up in the attentions of/attraction to another...not that I always act on that, but I'm not claiming total innocence either. I wonder why I (or we) do this? It is almost as if when I am offered a "secure" future with someone, or things become too comfortable, I am the one who is enticed to stray. Yet, I always imagine myself being totally committed to just one person; completely monogamous. I suppose some of this is just me venting my own frustrations with myself, and some of it is asking for others to share their experiences and thoughts about all of this. I will say that I've never been disloyal to a friend. It just seems that my weakness shows itself when I'm supposed to be in a committed relationship. What the hell is that?? LOL.

In any even, thanks Susan, I will be thinking about what you said (and no, none of it was offensive). : )

Hope to hear from more of you all.

Heather

I can't answer the last post Heather. That is a tough situation to be in because either way you go your kind of hurting any attempt for a secure relationship. I have never ever wanted another person once I was in a committment. It seems my whole being tells me this is my mate, my other half, and they are all I want. It is nice to get compliments and feel validated for being attractive and wanted, but if you new that about yourself and were sure then you would only take it for a nice gesture say thanks and remain true to your partner. Loyalty is a must in a committment. Without it there won't be any trust and it will kill any chances for a deep and loving relationship. Just my opinion. You are still very very young, so maybe just sow some oats for awhile, get it out of your system, and then try settling down.
Susan

There is alot of similarities between our personailities and where the stars were when we were born. Just look at the way people express themselves throughout the board here. But, you can take it and gain insight from it and minimize the negative sides and emphasis the good. Just because we are Scorpios and Libras doesn't mean we we should or need to live up to all of these traits. Alot of times we should'nt, we should do the opposite and live em down. Just use your good judgenment and lead a solid life with integrity!!!!! You'll be alright!
S

One last thought, too much of anything will end up desensitizing you to it.
S

Susan, right on...awesome post(s). I suppose you're right, I am only 20, pretty young still : ) -- I just hate the fact, when I think back on it, that I've only been faithful to probably 2 guys that I've ever dated in my whole life. I truly don't want to hurt other people, but for some reason I often end up straying outside my relationships. That doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with other people, but straying in other ways. I can be very faithful in the beginning of a relationship, but after a few weeks...I don't know what my prob is. Usually it's when that "brand new relationship" feeling has worn off and the differences between my partner and I start to really surface. It's like I want to try to work through these things and stay committed regardless of the arguments or general "settled in" feeling that crops up; then someone else comes along (or comes back into my life) who seems more suited to me, but I'm not sure and nothing is certain so I (not all the time, but sometimes) give in and surrender in some way to this new person, while staying in the first relationship and trying to overlook or ignore the difficulties. It's as if I am so afraid that who I'm REALLY "meant" to be with is the NEW person, and to disregard their persistance and advances could mean walking away from the person who is really my "soul mate", that I test the waters just to be sure while for the sake of security and stability, remaining tied to the first relationship.

Right now I am in the painful process of trying to "choose" between someone I've been with for over 3 years and someone I've known for like 7 years, used to date, and who now has asked me to marry him (several times). Each of them gives me different things, and brings out a different side of my personality. I have no clear idea of which one I should really be with, if either! Very frustrating. I wish I didn't think so much! : )

Thank you so much for your help thus far; I'm processing it all...

Take care,
Heather

In response to the first question, I can understand where you're coming from. There are lots of temptations out there, and every once in a while I'll see someone who's cute that catches my eye, yet instantly I tell myself "They can't compare to who you have now." I'm extremely devoted in my relationship, even though we've only been together for almost a month.

For the second question, I can also understand where you're coming from. My theory (feel free to comment) is that Scorpios have a hypersensitive intuition. I can tell when someone's lying, trying to hide something, etc. I just get these vibes that something's not right. The vibes, plus I can read people very well by their actions help me determine how they are really feeling.

My question to my fellow Scorps is: Are you devoted in just relationships, or in everything you do? I notice that I'm always all or nothing with everything I do, especially friendships. While I do enjoy being in a group of friends, I find my really deep friendships are always when it's a one-on-one friendship. I'm more able to devote all of my energy and effort to the friendship. Comments? 🙂

~Mario~

I'd have to say Mario, you spoke for me and I have nothing else I want to add to it! That's a relife because I feel like I go on and on about everything and try to explain and usually end up making it worse. Someone out here understands and that is a good thing!!!
S

Heather,

First of all, i had two relationships with scorpios and they were constantly straying on me. I dont know if it was for sex but it was definately for attention. It almost seemed to me that if i gave them everything they wanted they wouldnt be happy but if i didnt give them everything they wanted, which i didnt, they cheated on me anyway. I felt as though i couldnt win and may i emphasize the fact that when i did succomb to them, they werent happy anyway! I dont care about this anymore as this is in the past.

In response to your post, i think you are young and you dont have to decide on a life long partner yet. I see where you are coming from about not wanting to "miss out" on your soulmate but wouldnt you KNOW it if you met your soul mate? Would you really be hesitating this much?

Also, i have a rule now. Instead of jumping in head first and getting to know someone inside a relationship, i will invest a little time before hand and get to know them as well as i can first. I have done this for the past couple of years (with a few different people) and believe me, i have saved myself a lot of heart ache. This may sound a little tentative but believe me, i have had enough abusive and relationships that were wrong for me to let it happen again.

Just some thoughts.

Hey S, it's a relief for me to know that someone else has a similar problem trying to get people to understand their thoughts. Some people just don't like thinking deep like I do, which makes it seem like I'm weird or something. 🙂

~Mario~

wow, so this is what is happening with you heather when i was having my vacation.

you sound like you are in such turmoil in your relationships.

well i can only say that most people are masochists, they love pain, chaos, complications, pain and suffering. it seems that a perfect life style with a partner is somewhat not enough... there has to be some drama to unfold. it seems that a flawless life style is not enticing for some people because of a mysterious unsatisfaction with a "set life" with a partner.

from what i have seen infidelity has mostly become the culprit!

also, i think that loyalty comes into play when we just love to fix something that is seldomly deemed unfixable or immutable. it is the "messiah complex" in all of us, we have to save someone we love from complications; or even the "martyr complex" in all of us, we have to take the beating in a relationship to prolong an unnoticed agony.

what can you do? we are only human, and we learn and mature from our mistakes. in hopes to find some sort of stability in our lives.

your thoughts?

Yup, and most true Scorpios thrive on it!!!
S

"also, i think that loyalty comes into play when we just love to fix something that is seldomly deemed unfixable or immutable. it is the "messiah complex" in all of us, we have to save someone we love from complications; or even the "martyr complex" in all of us, we have to take the beating in a relationship to prolong an unnoticed agony.


Everyone is entitled to feel love in their lives! Doesn't matter how you get yours or I get mine. What counts is that we all can receive it! And we need to let it out! Love each other!

Well, that was a really well-written post i-sun...and I agree with almost everything you're saying, but on the other hand, I'm a little confused. Do you mean that I might be actually doing this all on purpose out of some dark masochistic need to feel pain with my pleasure? I suppose that's possible, deep down...maybe...and I do think you may be on to something with the stuff you said about being "saved" and all of that. I've noticed that even with friendships, most of my interactions with people are spurred by either them needing me, or me needing them in some way. Nothing hugely dramatic or anything, I mean I'm not the damsel in distress standing on top of some cliff awaiting my Prince to come and rescue me...but you know what I'm saying. There's often an element of "I need you" or "you need me". Am I understanding you post right even? lol. Good to hear from you i-sun...

~Heather

P.S. Thank you as well Mario for your insight. : )

P.P.S:

i-sun--you asked if this is what's been going on since you've been gone. Well, it's an extremely edited-for-content and shortened version. It's the general idea, minus the details.

Heather

Get It While You Can

In this world if you read the papers darlin you know
everybodys fightin off with one another.
There ain't nobody you can count on baby, not even your own brother.
So if someone comes along
they gonna give you some love and affection
I say get it while you can
Honey get it while you can
Hey hey get it while you
Don't you turn your back on Love

Don't you know when Lovin anybody baby
your takin a gamble on little sorrow?
but then who can't baby
cause we may not be hear tommorrow
an if anybody should come along, he gonna give you his love and affection, I say get it while you can!!
Get it while you can
Don't you turn your back on Love!
Hold on to somebody when you get a little lonely dear
get it
want it
hold it
need it
Get it while you can!!
Janis Joplin

Get It While You Can

In this world if you read the papers darlin you know
everybodys fightin off with one another.
There ain't nobody you can count on baby, not even your own brother.
So if someone comes along
they gonna give you some love and affection
I say get it while you can
Honey get it while you can
Hey, hey get it while you can
Don't you turn your back on Love

Don't you know when your Lovin anybody baby
your takin a gamble on little sorrow?
but then who can't baby
cause we may not be hear tommorrow
an if anybody should come along, he gonna give you his love and affection, I say get it while you can!!
Get it while you can
Don't you turn your back on Love!
Hold on to somebody when you get a little lonely dear
get it
want it
hold it
need it
Get it while you can!!
Janis Joplin

Great song! I love Janis! Thanks for posting that! : ) Is it possible to feel greedy and good at the same time do you think? (lol)

I forgot to thank 210--thank you for your post as well...I am sorry that you have experienced these things with scorps. All I can say is that we do evolve constantly...I wish you luck with us in the future.

Heather

210, it's also very interesting what you said about, "if this is your soulmate, wouldn't you KNOW? Would you really be hesitating this much?"...see, that's a big part of this whole inner conflict I'm having. I *don't* know, and I don't know if I'm just thinking too much, or if my feelings aren't really what they seem, or if I'm in love with the *romanticism* I recieve from this guy, the way he takes care of me and spoils me in every forseeable way, whether I'm just not satisfied with my current relationship (with a Leo) and I'm intrigues by this whole scandalous affair, whether I should really allow myself to be swept away by someone who is so controlling (the Taurus)...oh blah blah blah. How much more annoyingly indecisive and (seemingly but not really) weak can I be—! (lol)...I laugh but it's really not very funny, it's actually making me very melancholy. It's making me wonder if the gods (or God, whatever you believe in) are about ready to punish me yet for being so evil--at least I feel evil.

Aaaarg!

Love to y'all,
Heather

That would be, "...I'm INTRIGUED..." yada yada.

Heather : )

Heater

God wouldn't do that!!! He is with you in whatever decisions you make whether bad or good, but they are yours!

I have many times been in a feast and faminine situation. Too many choices! But what ended up happening in reality--I waited too long, and lost them all! This is true. Especially when it comes to work. I could have three opportunities all at the same damn time, after having none; and then well, you get the picture. There are NO GUARANTEES Heather. Make a choice and if it doesn't work out so be it. Live and Learn. Or maybe easy come easy go— What you're doing now is gonna drive you nuts. And your potential partners too, unless they already are?? You might end up losing them anyway. Don't worry about what is the best. Just make a decision and stick with it!!! Geez, I am glad I don't shop with you!!! LOL j/k

ps you do have alot of planets in Libra!!!
S

That should be Heather not heater but that might be your new nickname!!! j/k

S: Your post cracked me up while making some very good points all at once--I need to learn how to have that attitude of (horrible at French, but here I go...well, try) "Kay Serah Serah" (you may now laugh at my feeble attempt at spelling the famous French phrase)...WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE. I guess that way of being or thinking, while I admire it in others, has never come naturally in me. I am being way too introspective and letting fear of the unknown decide my life for me. I need to let go. Gosh it's hard though. I feel very alone sometimes, but it's completely my fault. I retreat whenever I'm going through something because I'm certain that nobody else can really understand, and if they do, I convince myself they don't really care. That in the end, they are more concerned with themselves. However, I have made a good friend in i-sun. And many of you on these boards (including you, S). Right now I am just hiding out from everyone. From the world. I am tired of analyzing, thinking. Sometimes I wonder if being alone would be the best thing for me. And then I start wanting that male companionship and protection. What I need is a good male friend who has no ulterior motives (i.e., sex). I feel I have that with i-sun, but I need that in my actual physical, daily life (for lack of a better description). Thinking back, every close male friend I've had has eventually turned into a romantic partner. I don't think that's a good thing. It's also probably a common phenomenon...but it still bothers me.

Take care everyone, and please, if anyone else has opinions, don't be shy about expressing them! : ) To all who have responded thus far, thank you!

Heather

Do what is right for Heather! We love you just the way you are. Please stay that way! You have to be true to yourself. You know all that already!
Leave your mind alone for awhile and just relax. Rent a bunch of movies and just cocoon, so to speak. Tomorrow is another day! Love and much respect always!
Susan

Susan, I FREAKING LOVE your idea--just "cocoon". I'm going to do that. I just have to think about it for a while first (totally kidding) ...lol.

That love and respect is given to you, also, threefold. I never will forget your kindness and help! Thank you! : )

I think I will have a slice of cheesecake now. And watch a Tom Cruise movie. Or maybe a Ben Affleck movie.

I'll be back soon, and keep the posts coming to all who want to say something...

Love to you all.
Heather : )

/me sneaks into the cocoon before Heather notices. mwahaha. :-)

scorp25 makes mysterious entrance then disappears...

Too bad, I love the way he writes and it would be great to get another person's perspective : ( ...

Heather

...although, since we're both in this cocoon now...... : )

Heather

I would say Scorpio (25) is around alot more than you know!!!!
S

I'm going outside and I'll be back in a little bit!

read your email for my perspective heather

i-sun

Heather,

I just had a thought. Maybe you are playing with the taurus guy because you know, deep down underneath, that it is 'over' with the leo guy and secretly you are hoping the leo will find out and break if off for you! You know how it is, sometimes it is easier to make the other person do the 'hard work' for you! What do you think?

if you would ask me i would rather pick the leo over the taurus.

but thats just me and what i know.
i-sun

Ditto Mario.

First question I have one thing to change. Instead of cute, insert Attractive. I'm older. I'm totally devoted to my husband of 27 years. I'm married, not dead. I look but never touch.

Second question. Right on target. No ands, ifs or buts. This is a fact that I live by. The vibes are never wrong.

Answer to your question. I'm all or nothing. I do well in groups also. But one-on-one works much better for me.

Scorpio female here. Some of us do not stray!

PS. Heather you are young yet. Trust me, you'll know when your soulmate comes. I married mine at sixteen years old. I love him more today than yesterday. Good Luck.

Thanks so much you all!! I'm really sorry it took me so long to get back to this topic. Whoever said that I may secretly hope for the Leo to break it off with me...well there may be some truh to that, as disturbing as that may sound. I do have a hard time outright hurting people. Aaarg. It's still complicated, but I will post again on this topic if any new major developments come up.

Thanks again--to EVERYONE!

Heather