Passive-aggressiveness and Scorpios

If a Scorpio is passive-aggressive with you or you feel he/she is being so, how best to address it? Straightforward or let the instance go if it's a one-off situation?

Hmm, okay. And if they tell you what you are concerned about is not a big deal, does it usually mean it IS a big deal and they don't want to deal with it, or it isn't a big deal and you (or in this case, me) are a fruitcake?

To me, yes. To him, it possibly is not, and I have polled others and some say nip this in the bud stat and others say if I bring it up, I will look like an insecure nutcase. Lovely to have so many choices, eh? 🙂

Sorry, I'm not trying to be mysterious about it, I just wanted to ask generally.

Basically, he is dealing with his family situation and has been more attentive than ever. He has thanked me for being patient and loving and we've been talking more and opening up more. It's great. Yesterday, however, I feel like we hit a snag, and you know Virgos we like to analyze. Basically, he texted me once and called me twice. I was in transit both times and got back to him when I could, like within 15 minutes. He expressed that I seemed to "never hear my phone" and I told him that wasn't true I was just not right there when he called/texted.

About 4 months ago, I was jumped in my neighborhood and robbed. He knows this, and has been lately asking me to call him when I get in so he knows I got in safe. Last night, I was on my way from the train and he called. My purse is a mess so I could not find the phone and by the time I did, it had stopped ringing. When I got home about 5 mins later, I called and his phone was off, which I found odd since he knew I'd be calling. I got on MSN and he messsages me in seconds saying "There she is!" I ask him what's the deal with me going straight to VM and he said "I turned my phone off." I was shocked. Then he asked me if I liked when he calls/texts me during the day, and I said of course i did. I just felt from the tone of his conversation that he felt I wasn't "appreciative" of his texting/calling earlier in the day because I wasn't able to jump right on it, and when I missed yet another call from him, he decided to sulk and turn off his phone. I love hearing from him and it was just bad timing. It just feels like he didn't believe that and turned his phone off after I missed his call to punish me. Maybe not, but that's what I am thinking.

Half my friends say it's not a big deal, he messaged me right away online so there's no beef. The other half says like you, elena, that if it bothers me I need to bring it up. But I don't know how much of this is my Virgo worrying and how "Scorpio" this is. I probably would be less annoyed if he hadn't ASKED me to call him when I got home.

FuckinA, that is what I told my friends who told me to just let it go. I said even if he feels like it's no big deal, he should still listen to my concerns just as I would listen to his, because they are MY concerns. I feel I need to talk to him about this. If he acts shady, then I will know exactly where I stand with him.

Sounds like you might have an insecure possesive scorp on your hands. You need to tell him exactly why you don't always answer your phone and DO NOT I repeat DO NOT start carrying your phone in your hand 24 hours a day just to make sure that you don't miss any of his calls. Don't let him bully you into doing things his way. He won't respect you if you do. He just needs to learn that you not answering a call is not a rejection.

Thanks, gslove! I don't mind the possessiveness, but my heart breaks at the insecurity. His last gf didn't give a shit about the sweet things he tried to do for her and it really hurt him. We are going to see each other tonight and I will bring it up in a loving (and hopefully nonaccusatory) way. I mean, I don't know WHY he turned his phone off specifically. I don't read minds. But I do want to impress upon him that I love hearing from him and if I don't respond immediately it's because of some reason and I'm not looking at the phone going "Oh, it's John. Well, shit, his dumb ass can wait."

He turned his phone off because he is trying to gain power and control over you. He did do it to punish you and you should just completely ignore that he did that to you. Don't let him see that you even noticed his imaturity. In fact the more shit he does like that the longer you should wait before returning his calls so that he realizes that his passive aggressiveness doesn't work with you. I also think that you should tell him a story about a "friend" who has a very possesive boyfriend and how you would never put up with such behavior so that he will get the hint.

I don't know about that gs. He turned off his phone. He asked her to give him a call but he called her. I know when I do that, it's usually because I want to get some sleep and don't want to wait up for the call. He might've been wanting to ask her to text or something when she got home because he was going to bed, and he might not even have realized he turned his phone off. I know I've done that.

I take slights at the drop of a hat, but I don't really see manipulation or control here at all, but I could be wrong!

Well she said that when he didn't answer the phone that she instant messaged him and he answered right away and said Oh there she is. I don't believe for a minute that he turned his phone off because he was going to sleep. I think he just wanted to show her how it feels when he doesn't answer the phone when she calls to put the shoe on the other foot. The difference is that she doesn't do it on purpose and I think that in this case that he did do it on purpose.

I might be dense, but why would he do something like that on purpose? Or maybe a better question is why would he think she is not answering her calls on purpose? Virgo, maybe if you can shed light on that, that might help you here.

Also, what is he hoping to gain from doing such a thing? Scorpio motives are murky to me. Does he hope she'll never miss a call again, what?

Yes, gslove, I agree with you, he did it on purpose and I feel like it was a test to see if I'd just leave it there, because as soon as I got on MSN, he messaged me (I didn't messsage him). So I feel like he was trying to see if I REALLY wanted to talk to him and what lengths I would go to. I don't like these sort of tests. I explained to him what happened, why can't he trust me. Gslove, you are a Scorpio, right? Is it really so hard to trust?

Supposedly he was so worried about if she was getting home alright which is why he asked her to call and why he called her so if he was so worried about her then why would he have turned his phone off so that he could go to sleep? She said she called him back about 5 minutes later when she got home and he had turned his phone off already. I would agree with you VR if he had never asked her why she doesn't answer her phone when he calls. I think he is definitely being passive aggressive and insecure because it's exactly what she said. I think that he is so insecure that he thinks that she just looks at the phone and sees that it's him and purposely doesn't answer the phone.

Get used to it worrywart He will test you and test you and test you some more. I am a scorpio and my BF is a Scorpio so we both know what each other needs to feel secure in a way that no other sign can understand so we don't have that much of a problem. From the very beginning we both have tried to make sure that the other is very secure. From the second date we both agreed to go off of the dating site that we met on until we saw where the relationship was going because as Scorpios we would have never had stood for anything less. We live far apart so we don't see each other every day, but we make sure that we talk by phone or text every day and that the other person knows that we are thinking of one another. If anything sways from that there is an instant insecurity feeling. I will give you an example. I sent my BF a picture text last night at about 10:30 and said sweet dreams and I didn't hear back from him. He was probably just asleep right?? But in my head I started to think if maybe when we talked earlier in the day or in one of our messages that we exchanged that maybe I said something that he took the wrong way and that he was mad at me for something because it is unlike him to not respond to me. Those are just the things that go through some Scorps heads. But it's wrong to be so insecure that you get passive aggressive about it and start doing the game playing thing. It will only make things worse. I know that my scorp is the same way that I am so if I now ignored his message on purpose things would start going through his head too and all of this mistrust would start. It does take a long time for most scorps to trust completely. Even though my scorp has never given me any reason not to trust him I am still very guarded because of things that happened in past relationships, but that will change in time the longer we are together.

Definitely AM2 it is a fear of rejection thing. No doubt!! But he needs to learn to deal with this differently than just getting passive aggressive.

Here Here!! Don't reward him for his passive aggressiveness or he will never learn. The problem with some Scorpios is that they like to appear that they are totally confident and can't stand for other people to see their weaknesses so it is very hard to even get him to admit that he is insecure or feeling rejected. He will probably deny it until he is blue in the face. He will make it all about your rudeness that you won't answer the phone when he is obviously just concerned for your wellbeing.

Scorpio, passive-agressive?? You will know if a scorpio is pissed. When a scorpio is upset about something, they erupt like vesuvius!

yeah Galileia, but only after you ignore all of the passive aggressiveness for a while do they erupt and tell you their true feelings.

Maybe it's just because I'm family that my dad and sister by-pass all of the passive-agressive stuff and just go straight in for the kill.

it is definitely a feeling of being rejected. when i feel that way, i respond the same. if i'm worrying about the person i love or i want to hear their voice, that already renders me vulnerable. to reach out and call you is in a way a risk because if you don't answer it makes me feel rejected. i know this is absurd, trust me. if i feel that i've tried multiple times and i still recieve the same response, i am apt to have the urge to behave in an immature way such as he did. but, i stop myself. it's defensiveness, self-protection at work. if he was hurt before he is most assuredly more self-protective and defensive then he even started off being. have you made him feel secure and safe? do you express how you feel about him? i think that's the biggest thing- if we don't know how devoted you are and how much you feel for us, we assume that you aren't and that you don't feel that much.
if he told you it was no big deal it could be that he does not want to talk about what he did as he knows it was immature. you can tell him it matters to you because you want him to know that you love that he calls you, and when you miss his call you are always going to get in touch with him when you can. he may feel embarressed to make a big deal out this because again, it exposes an insecurity in him (we don't like that). you could wait until something like this happens again. maybe it won't, as probably he knows he was over-reacting. generally if something happens once, i let it go. if it happens again, it's possibly a pattern and best to address it.
in general, make sure he knows how you feel about him and how devoted you are to him (if you are). once we feel safe and are certain that we can trust you, we don't do things like that. at least, i know i don't. it takes a while but if you're persistant you will prove it to him that you deserve his trust. and i don't imply that that means you should answer your phone every time, or be there at his beck and call, that's ridiculous and unhealthy. he needs to understand your perspective as well and give you space to do your own thing, be your own person, have independence, and he needs to work on his own insecurities that cause him to react that way. what i mean is that just by doing the things that you would naturally do as someone who is devoted to the relationship. he'll notice those things. and show and tell him what he means to you. and don't neglect yourself- he needs to express how he feels about you as well.

I think that even when a scorp gets angry its all about insecurity and rejections issues.

"sent my BF a picture text last night at about 10:30 and said sweet dreams and I didn't hear back from him. He was probably just asleep right?? But in my head I started to think if maybe when we talked earlier in the day or in one of our messages that we exchanged that maybe I said something that he took the wrong way and that he was mad at me for something because it is unlike him to not respond to me. Those are just the things that go through some Scorps heads."

hahaha oh so familiar gslove. so true.

Isabel of course he called me first thing this morning and said how cute my picture was and that he was watching the olympics and didn't hear his text message beep and didn't see my text until really late last night. Now I feel like an idiot for even giving it a second thought. The torture that we scorps put ourselves through. LOL!!

I know that the longer we are together and the more I get to know him and learn to trust him that this will all go away. I am one of those proud scorpios that would never let him know that I was feeling insecure or not completely trusting though. I also would not do the whole passive aggressive thing because I know that these are my issues and he doesn't deserve to be punished when he is not doing anything wrong. When I finally do trust completely I will tell him what an idiot I was and I suspect that him being a Scorpio too that he is feeling the same exact way. Damn him though, he is pretty good at hiding it too. I did see his insecurities come out a little a time or two and me being the sick Scorpio that I am I enjoy seeing that he is also able to feel insecure. LOL!!