Scorpio

found this funny, had to post it. I'm sure it'll inspire hateful comments.
Sarcastic View of Scorpio (LOL)
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.

I'm disappointed. I wanted this to be funny.


Bring me something better. I'm a procrastinator welcoming distractions atm so I need you to step your game up. Otherwise, I'll actually have to do all this sh*t that I'm avoiding right now.

I'm surprised there's so little of these.

7. Scorpio (October 24-November 22)

Scorpios are the most highly sexed of all the signs of the zodiac.
Dynamic, passionate & aggressive, a Scorpios first date with someone
normally ends in rape. The back seat is where he/she makes his/her
moves. The trunk is where he/she keeps your EX...and his/her "toys".
Because of their obnoxious behavior, Scorpios are often challenged to
duels. Their choice of weapons is usually a tactical nuclear device at
30 paces.

Scorpios are prone to excesses: booze, drugs, sex, bad puns, etc.
They usually exploit the weaknesses of others, who fall victim to
their capacity for total lust & sexual abberation. In youth, Scorpios
hide in locker rooms of the opposite sex, waiting for just one person
to remain. In adulthood, they hide in dark alleys. And in old age,
they hang around playgrounds with bags of candy.

Charles Manson is a Scorpio.

Other famous Scorpios include Richard Burton, Dick Cavett, Will Rogers,
Son of Sam, the Hillside Strangler, the Boston Strangler, the Heimlich
Manuever Strangler, Teddy Roosevelt, Billy Graham, Katherine Hepburn,
& about 1/12th of the rest of the human race.

Scorpios posess great intellectual curiosity & creative talent. They
think they are rebels & are arrogant, proud, conceited, and worth every
penny of it. Despite all these shortcomings, they make loyal & devoted
marriage partners, at least for the first 5 minutes. After that, it just
depends on what catches their eye. Scorpios always want what they can't
have, and generally manage to get it...sometimes legally.

Scorpios are held in awe by their enemies & are admired passionately by
their friends...both of them. And Scorpios return that loyalty...until
someone says "Good Morning" to them in a funny tone of voice. Scorpios
fear nothing. Most Scorpios are murdered in their beds.

Posted by WiserThruHeartbreak
I'm surprised there's so little of these.

7. Scorpio (October 24-November 22)

Scorpios are the most highly sexed of all the signs of the zodiac.
Dynamic, passionate & aggressive, a Scorpios first date with someone
normally ends in rape. The back seat is where he/she makes his/her
moves. The trunk is where he/she keeps your EX...and his/her "toys".
Because of their obnoxious behavior, Scorpios are often challenged to
duels. Their choice of weapons is usually a tactical nuclear device at
30 paces.

Scorpios are prone to excesses: booze, drugs, sex, bad puns, etc.
They usually exploit the weaknesses of others, who fall victim to
their capacity for total lust & sexual abberation. In youth, Scorpios
hide in locker rooms of the opposite sex, waiting for just one person
to remain. In adulthood, they hide in dark alleys. And in old age,
they hang around playgrounds with bags of candy.

Charles Manson is a Scorpio.

Other famous Scorpios include Richard Burton, Dick Cavett, Will Rogers,
Son of Sam, the Hillside Strangler, the Boston Strangler, the Heimlich
Manuever Strangler, Teddy Roosevelt, Billy Graham, Katherine Hepburn,
& about 1/12th of the rest of the human race.

Scorpios posess great intellectual curiosity & creative talent. They
think they are rebels & are arrogant, proud, conceited, and worth every
penny of it. Despite all these shortcomings, they make loyal & devoted
marriage partners, at least for the first 5 minutes. After that, it just
depends on what catches their eye. Scorpios always want what they can't
have, and generally manage to get it...sometimes legally.

Scorpios are held in awe by their enemies & are admired passionately by
their friends...both of them. And Scorpios return that loyalty...until
someone says "Good Morning" to them in a funny tone of voice. Scorpios
fear nothing. Most Scorpios are murdered in their beds.

That's better, but I read this one before.


Why don't you try making one up? Off the top of the head. Show me what ya got!

More importantly, can anyone tell me why my eggs aren't scrambling? Like, what the hell? They look like mush!

Posted by Let*It*Be
Re: eggs..dismiss what I wrote I was thinking about when you open them. If you mix too much milk or over whisk them they become mushy. Just stir them alittle easier or break into pan and stir them up.

Yep, I broke them into the pan. Think it might've been the fact that I threw cold green peppers into the mix without cooking them separately first?

Posted by Let*It*Be
Re: eggs..dismiss what I wrote I was thinking about when you open them. If you mix too much milk or over whisk them they become mushy. Just stir them alittle easier or break into pan and stir them up.

Yep, I broke them into the pan. Think it might've been the fact that I threw cold green peppers into the mix without cooking them separately first?

Posted by WiserThruHeartbreak

Other famous Scorpios include Richard Burton, Dick Cavett, Will Rogers,
Son of Sam, the Hillside Strangler, the Boston Strangler, the Heimlich
Manuever Strangler, Teddy Roosevelt, Billy Graham, Katherine Hepburn,
& about 1/12th of the rest of the human race.

Katherine Hepburn never strangled anybody, did she?

What's up wih all the double posts though?

Posted by notJTG1984

Posted by Let*It*Be
That was rather boring...and it came from a Cap, go figure.

We don't claim him as one of our own.

click to expand

That's a hypocritical statement considering the majority of Caps are all independent and don't categorize themselves into groups of people. Unless of course you're excluding yourself, which still makes you a hypocrite.

Posted by Let*It*Be
"Yep, I broke them into the pan. Think it might've been the fact that I threw cold green peppers into the mix without cooking them separately first?"

absolutely, tons of (good) water in the peppers, that's what it was, but at the same time the eggs had that good pepper taste..

Damn, I should've known that. Looks like I'm a long way from being ready to audition for "Hell's Kitchen". Ugh.

Posted by notJTG1984
Can someone tell me why my text ended up the box with what I thought I was quoting?

Dude, that kept happening to me! I was like, "What the hell, man?" But then it magically stopped.

Posted by scorchedearth

Posted by exoskeleton
scorched, i normally smoke on the balcony. the tub is for special times. 🙂

i once quit for 3 months or so, but fuck it. i enjoy 'em too much. 😛

i don't mind smoking that much. it's just the health issues you'll suffer later that make me want to quit. i won't have to deal with those for 30 years or so but it's still scary thinking about the future. =\

click to expand

I used to smoke like a freight train.
Just try to back off the cigarettes little by little.
Your best bet.

Posted by exoskeleton
i know. good luck with quitting, scorched. 🙂

When I started smoking, it was a slow build up. peaked to 3 packs a day and I am now back down to 1 pack a day. sometimes a smidgeon more, sometimes a smidgeon less.

^^^ So... I am thinking it's probably best to just work at in reverse.