scorpio men... what is he thinking?

He asked me if I was looking for a relationship or a friend with benefits...

What is he thinking/feeling to ask this?

Is he only looking for the friend with benefits and doesn't want to hurt me if I'm wanting more?
Or is he wanting the relationship and doesn't want to get hurt by me if thats not what I'm after?

"Is he only looking for the friend with benefits and doesn't want to hurt me if I'm wanting more? "
^That's probably the one.

I agree, he probably is looking for a "fun friendship".
Because, my reasoning at least tells me, if he was looking for a relationship, he most likely wouldn't have brought up the issue altogether.
Of course, this is most likely, not for sure. The only way you can find out for sure is to get an honest answer out of him

72, he's testing the waters. He is playing it cool, but yep, he wants a friend with benefits.

Turn the question around on him...what is HE looking for? Make it open ended...don't give him options; just ask him "What are you looking for?"

"He asked me if I was looking for a relationship or a friend with benefits..."

maybe he just really wants to know where you stand on this before he decides how much he can open up to you/emotionally invest in your relationship.

but rather than speculating (i've made the mistake of making assumptions far too many times 😛)...i agree with HP, i would just ask him what is he looking for straight out. i mean, he's the one that brought the question out in the open so it's fair game.

am curious, what was your answer to him?

Boy...another one bites the dust. Cancer and Scorpio...

I think he's testing the waters..Friends with benefits seems to be a trend these days..gawd sakes..its just another way of saying I just want sex

72 doesn't really matter what he is thinking. Just tell him what you want. If you want a relationship, tell the truth. If you want a fun sexy time, tell the truth. Don't try to give him the answer you think he wants. Find out if you are truly compatible. He will either step up or step off.

thanks little sparrow - that's exactly what i wanted to say....and that's why was curious as to how she answered that question...if 72's still around—??

Well I answered "whatever is meant to be between us, although I think its a relationship". Because of the connection I feel with him, I can not turn him away.

His response was "friend with benefits would be ok with me"

I should also add that this started out heading into a relationship... A couple of dates and I pulled away because I was freaked out how I felt about him, and had stuff going on with a divorce. So I gave him reason to think I wasn't fully interested.

"His response was "friend with benefits would be ok with me"

He has someone on the side.

"Well I answered "whatever is meant to be between us, although I think its a relationship". Because of the connection I feel with him, I can not turn him away.

His response was "friend with benefits would be ok with me"

hate to say this... but sometimes we just need to take things at face value. i think when women communicate they expect the other person to read between the lines, whereas men communicate directly.

now if there was no communication about this issue at all then obviously there's room for speculation, but in this case it seems you've both stated your positions...

Just tell him you want more than that and sorry you aren't interested in that sort of arrangement.

He will either come back or he won't. If he comes back, you get a relationship with him ... if he doesn't you get a chance to find someone who can give you what you really want. And that is how you are true to yourself. 😉

DB, I adore you, but... I can see many things in other's facial expressions. Not only scorpios can do that..

🙂 How's life, btw..?

No, I don't think everyones has the capability of reading expressions the way scorps do..sorry to disappoint. I am not just talking about reading facial expressions, I am talking about inner intentions etc..the whole hog

Good lord!..Are you married DB? since when?

"And why can't he be clear instead of trying to send mixed signals??"

Well I am beginning to think he was testing me, and I didn't give the totally correct answer so it was easier to not reveal his feelings. My belief is that both scorpios and cancers have a wall up to the outside world, and we are quite careful of who we let in. Time shall tell the truth.

Do you test others before you let them into your life AB? If so, then I don't see a problem with it..and don't understand why its a big issue...you can't just let any tom, dick or harry waltz in whenever they like..one has to be selective..

"Why do Scorpios think they're so much better to test others and to make others prove themselves??...If I don't know you either, you should be proving yourself to ME!!"

Err...

AB: "use good judgement and intuition" - Really? Well thats what we do as well..but apparantly we play cat and mouse games..Such as what?..Give an idiot enough rope and he will hang himself quite willingly..if thats seen as testing, then so be it..

Heres the thing, we are private people, we don't like to hang out in crowds and look popular, or seemingly have lots of friends etc...Its not about image, its just about what we feel is worth having in our life..something we can love unconditionally..be it friends, lovers, family..I know I am extreeeeeeeeeeeemely selective when it comes to friends and any group for that matter..That doesn't mean I am rude to just about everyone else. I am extremely polite..unless your completely stupid.

And so what if we test..if you don't like it, theres the door...and I am speaking in generic terms not to you!. Everyones entitled to their opinions, so your entitled to yours..you can be scorp hater..Theres a reason behind everyones action..

Precisley..hating uses up too much energy and at the end of the day, the only person who will suffer is yourself...I can't be arsed with hate, don't have enough time to waste on hate..If they aren't worthy of friendship/relationship ditch the dimwits and move on...which I can do pretty damn easily..

I know you have fun on these boards and I know you are quite opinionated..which I like..stand firm in what you believe blah blah..

I must say I am guilty of not returning phone calls, or actually never calling..not because I don't like you or anything, just because sometimes I just can't be arsed..and yes I expect people to call me..Its just the way I am..I don't see it as games..sometimes I go into reclusive mode and nobody is to blame for it..I just want to be left alone and unfortunately anyone trying to "make me feel better" is just going to get a lashing and a half..lol..I can feel when others do the same too..

I have 2 close Aries friends (male and female) and I get along just fine with them..that fiery temper, aggressiveness etc..we have that in common..We understand each others humour as well...I have no problem with anyone..I like people who are all out there and say what they mean and mean what they say!..can't stand bullshit fake people and I can detect them a mile off..

Phew!..gosh I hate long posts..

*** didn't give the totally correct answer so it was easier to not reveal his feelings.

If you told the truth about what you wanted/needed ... how is that the wrong answer? Don't make things more complicated than they are. It doesn't matter what he wants. Be truthful about what you want and you will either be compatible or you won't be.

AB: "agreeing with each other all the time shouldn't be the objective in a frienship"

I can't stand that. I prefer people who are opinionated..shows they have half a brain. And its interesting having debates etc..I think I would die of boredom if someone agreed with me all the time..mututal respect is where its at..