Scorpion Man with Scorpio Woman - Scorp Men & Settling Down (Page 2)

tiziani - I'll keep everyone posted. LOL.

Okay I read the rest on the thread. Lol I probably should have read it before replying, but I was excited to see a familiar face 🙂.

I think you were given good advice. All I'll add is let him know how this made you feel and move on with your man by your side. Gentle direction is all that's needed. Make alternative plans, not to punish him (un huh, I know you're heated) but simply to have fun and shift your mood about things. He'll have fun, recharge, you'll have fun and come back together in the new year ready to move forward.

Given what you've written about the meet up with his frat bothers being a yearly tradition (minus a few years), the fact that you do spend every holiday (but this one) together and he generally does things to make you feel loved, it sounds like he wanted something that was familiar and fun given all he's been going through. Yes there was a level of selfishness because of the way it played out, but let's be honest when Scorps are feeling down, we are only focused on our feelings and shifting that. Relationship or not. That mellows out over time and with patience.

It was inconsiderate. It also sounds like it's something he needs right now to boost his spirits. Try not to see this as a reflection of how he feels about you (e.g. why wouldn't he want to spend time with his future wife?!).

We do better when we know better. Sometimes our partners need to help us out with the "knowing". So help the man out.

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by natural25

Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.

I love this! Thank you. The thing is that I honestly do not feel his behavior is being kind to me... With this isolated situation.

I don't see this as being anything to do with how he feels or treats you.

If he is doing bad things to you etc. Then maybe.

I don't think I have ever dated guys who were totally financially secure. It never made a diff to me. I am being totally honest with you. I have been treated so badly I know what is important in life. I know myself I know what makes me happy.



I won't tell you what to do though. Deep down you know.

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yup, I understand this. My first husband had no job, and we were very poor. no home if not for the fact that we could live with his mother for a short while. I was still going to school, and he had to go out and find a job. we were totally dependent on her financially. I got a job as a waitress but it was really tough. cause he still had no job, and got odd jobs in construction here and there.

edit - I was a teenager though, still a minor so that maybe be a big difference.

and you both are more adults,

so you all are thinking more of the future. not living day by day.

what dafuq does "settling down" mean??

Sooo.... I talked to him last night. He explained to me the importance of him spending the time with his fraternity brothers (tradition, etc.). I was transparent with him and explained to him that while I want him to feel free to maintain his friendships and social life I also want us to be able to balance our relationship with our social lives. I have friends and go out to dinner, drinks, happy hour, etc. I am deeply involved in a graduate chapter sorority myself. So, I get it and I want him to do the same. I told him I also would like for him to do it in way a that is considerate of me, previous plans that we have made, and my feelings. And with that, I told him that it is all good and that I made plans with some friends in Chicago.

This is when things took a turn. He got an attitude. He asked me about my plans. I told him that I am going check into a hotel after we land, relax for the day, meet some friends for dinner, and then go to this get together at a mutual friend's house. He said, "you guys are going to do all that driving in Chicago on NYE?" I told him that I am not driving; my friend is. Then he said, "Well it sounds like you have everything figured out! You don't need me for anything." Huh!?!??! I said that I did not want him to feel pressured to figure out a solution me and it all ended up working itself out. Then he said, "Well, then what am I supposed to do? What is my new role as your boyfriend since your redefining my role as your boyfriend." I explained to him that I am not trying to redefine his role as my boyfriend.

When we got off the phone things were better but he still had a little attitude...

Did you tell him about your plans in a way that would make him feel some kinda way? Jealous or off putting or otherwise?

Scorpios are good at that.

Like what was your intention or end game?

Cmon girlie this man aint got no job, would like to get an ego boosy from his friends, but doesnt necessarily want you to go off galvanting thinking your single even tho your pissed and may feel single on the inside.

LOL! I told him that we everything ended up working itself out and I decided to just hang out with some of my friends in Chicago to make things easier. Then he started asking questions.

Posted by natural25
Sooo.... I talked to him last night. He explained to me the importance of him spending the time with his fraternity brothers (tradition, etc.). I was transparent with him and explained to him that while I want him to feel free to maintain his friendships and social life I also want us to be able to balance our relationship with our social lives. I have friends and go out to dinner, drinks, happy hour, etc. I am deeply involved in a graduate chapter sorority myself. So, I get it and I want him to do the same. I told him I also would like for him to do it in way a that is considerate of me, previous plans that we have made, and my feelings. And with that, I told him that it is all good and that I made plans with some friends in Chicago.

This is when things took a turn.

Hmph. Be honest. Did you say this with an attitude as well (e.g. a little cold and indifferent like "bruh, do you because I'm gonna do me")?

I would have left out the "I have plans" bit at the end because it wasn't necessary to the discussion. Why did it even matter after you shared what the issue was suppose to really be about: his inconsideration?

You wanted to put a little sting in his a** for dropping the ball and he responded.

Posted by tiziani
Well it seems you both got sidetracked from actually showing one another compassion. But nothing ever really gets sorted over the phone either way.

I have shown him compassion and he has shown me compassion on countless occasion. When we talked about things last night, I think me acknowledging his desire to and the importance of him to nurture his friendships was also demonstrating a level of compassion. That said, I also thought it was important that I express my desires as well - related to wanting him to keep in mind balancing my feelings and considering me and our relationship while also maintaining his friendships. I thought that was fair, as I feel he acted selfishly over the weekend.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by natural25
Sooo.... I talked to him last night. He explained to me the importance of him spending the time with his fraternity brothers (tradition, etc.). I was transparent with him and explained to him that while I want him to feel free to maintain his friendships and social life I also want us to be able to balance our relationship with our social lives. I have friends and go out to dinner, drinks, happy hour, etc. I am deeply involved in a graduate chapter sorority myself. So, I get it and I want him to do the same. I told him I also would like for him to do it in way a that is considerate of me, previous plans that we have made, and my feelings. And with that, I told him that it is all good and that I made plans with some friends in Chicago.

This is when things took a turn.

Hmph. Be honest. Did you say this with an attitude as well (e.g. a little cold and indifferent like "bruh, do you because I'm gonna do me")?

I would have left out the "I have plans" bit at the end because it wasn't necessary to the discussion. Why did it even matter after you shared what the issue was suppose to really be about: his inconsideration?

You wanted to put a little sting in his a** for dropping the ball and he responded.

click to expand

Bwahaahahahaha!!! OMG! Hilarious. Noooo... I said that because we were discussing a solution for the issue. Or, that was the objective of the conversation. So, I had to tell him there was no need to have a full on brainstorm session because I had already made plans with friends. And I DID say it in a nice way. Lol. I was not mean at all!!! Honest engine!!

Lol @ "sting in his a** for dropping the ball".

So did he expects you to stay in whilst he was out with his mates...lol

Sounds a bit like double standards to me?

Posted by DMV
Did you tell him about your plans in a way that would make him feel some kinda way? Jealous or off putting or otherwise?

Scorpios are good at that.

Like what was your intention or end game?

..and good at double standards

*it's okay for me to do this, but not you*

Posted by tiziani

Posted by natural25

Posted by tiziani
Well it seems you both got sidetracked from actually showing one another compassion. But nothing ever really gets sorted over the phone either way.

I have shown him compassion and he has shown me compassion on countless occasion. When we talked about things last night, I think me acknowledging his desire to and the importance of him to nurture his friendships was also demonstrating a level of compassion. That said, I also thought it was important that I express my desires as well - related to wanting him to keep in mind balancing my feelings and considering me and our relationship while also maintaining his friendships. I thought that was fair, as I feel he acted selfishly over the weekend.

All right, well it's the way I read the words. But we don't know much from miles away. It read as if it was one of those conversations where it finishes with an edginess to it, where both people say they're cool to move forward but just kind of waiting for that edge to cut. And that's how you spend 6 months taking one another for granted not really talking or working on confronting the distance. But if you both feel you both listened to one another then that's what matters.

click to expand

Has what you described ever happened between the two of us? Sadly and shamefully, yes. I am guilty of it, but my anxiety ends up getting the best of me. I hate leaving conflict left to linger. It is hard for me to go on and act as if something is not bothering me, if it is. I also know things will only turn into larger issues if not addressed. So, I try to address issues, he does not always value the same approach as much. Lol. So, I find myself trying to balance and choose my battles. And as you mentioned, the distance does not make these kinds of conversations any easier.

Maybe, my words are reading colder over the computer without hearing my tone, etc. That said, as I said, I definitely picked up that he was still somewhat unsettled when we got off the phone last night. I spoke with him today and he was fine. But I have noticed he can do that very easily (I cant) - be upset but act like everything is fine and sweep things everything under the rug the next day.

I will more than likely check in with him about it again about it tonight...

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV
Did you tell him about your plans in a way that would make him feel some kinda way? Jealous or off putting or otherwise?

Scorpios are good at that.

Like what was your intention or end game?

..and good at double standards

*it's okay for me to do this, but not you*

click to expand

I think this is a little of what is going on. We were just texting and he said, "Are you sure you don't want for me to arrange for you to watch Christmas movies with my parents on NYE? Lol. Joking."

HE'S NOT JOKING!!!! Lol. Smh.

Posted by natural25

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV
Did you tell him about your plans in a way that would make him feel some kinda way? Jealous or off putting or otherwise?

Scorpios are good at that.

Like what was your intention or end game?

..and good at double standards

*it's okay for me to do this, but not you*

I think this is a little of what is going on. We were just texting and he said, "Are you sure you don't want for me to arrange for you to watch Christmas movies with my parents on NYE? Lol. Joking."

HE'S NOT JOKING!!!! Lol. Smh.

click to expand

No joking for sure girl. He wants to go out with his mates but for you to stay in! I have been around Scorps too long, including myself lol to not recognise this in a heartbeat.

Total double standards

Posted by Aquemini98
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.

The irony here is that if Aquaemini98 was your boyfriend and you followed this advice he'd be on here crying about unloyal 'thots' who only stick around for the money and don't care enough about you to last through the hard times.

Posted by Aquemini98

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Aquemini98
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.

The irony here is that if Aquaemini98 was your boyfriend and you followed this advice he'd be on here crying about unloyal 'thots' who only stick around for the money and don't care enough about you to last through the hard times.

Oh, yeah. You still think I'm Aquaboy. You're that kind of an idiot.

click to expand

Whose that?

Posted by tiziani

Posted by natural25

Posted by tiziani

Posted by natural25

Posted by tiziani
Well it seems you both got sidetracked from actually showing one another compassion. But nothing ever really gets sorted over the phone either way.

I have shown him compassion and he has shown me compassion on countless occasion. When we talked about things last night, I think me acknowledging his desire to and the importance of him to nurture his friendships was also demonstrating a level of compassion. That said, I also thought it was important that I express my desires as well - related to wanting him to keep in mind balancing my feelings and considering me and our relationship while also maintaining his friendships. I thought that was fair, as I feel he acted selfishly over the weekend.

All right, well it's the way I read the words. But we don't know much from miles away. It read as if it was one of those conversations where it finishes with an edginess to it, where both people say they're cool to move forward but just kind of waiting for that edge to cut. And that's how you spend 6 months taking one another for granted not really talking or working on confronting the distance. But if you both feel you both listened to one another then that's what matters.

Has what you described ever happened between the two of us? Sadly and shamefully, yes. I am guilty of it, but my anxiety ends up getting the best of me. I hate leaving conflict left to linger. It is hard for me to go on and act as if something is not bothering me, if it is. I also know things will only turn into larger issues if not addressed. So, I try to address issues, he does not always value the same approach as much. Lol. So, I find myself trying to balance and choose my battles. And as you mentioned, the distance does not make these kinds of conversations any easier.

Maybe, my words are reading colder over the computer without hearing my tone, etc. That said, as I said, I definitely picked up that he was still somewhat unsettled when we got off the phone last night. I spoke with him today and he was fine. But I have noticed he can do that very easily (I cant) - be upset but act like everything is fine and sweep things everything under the rug the next day.

I will more than likely check in with him about it again about it tonight...

All right. Maybe it's just the distance. Do you guys live far apart?

click to expand

TIZ!!!! I am going to whoop you!! Lol!!! Smh. I said in the op that we went from living 5 minutes away from one another to living 5 hours apart. So its an adjustment. But he's moving closer soon.

MyStarsShine - Right, because although I wasn't sappy sweet, I was not harsh in the least bit. Especially, not to illicit him getting snappy. He will be OK. I might talk to him about it again (a little) tonight, depending on the vibe. But he surely had me wrong if he thought I was going sit at home alone eating ice cream, waiting on his "Happy NYE" text. Nah. Not happening. Lol.

Posted by natural25
MyStarsShine - Right, because although I wasn't sappy sweet, I was not harsh in the least bit. Especially, not to illicit him getting snappy. He will be OK. I might talk to him about it again (a little) tonight, depending on the vibe. But he surely had me wrong if he thought I was going sit at home alone eating ice cream, waiting on his "Happy NYE" text. Nah. Not happening. Lol.

......with his mum and dad lol

He is one hell of a funny guy. 😄

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by natural25
MyStarsShine - Right, because although I wasn't sappy sweet, I was not harsh in the least bit. Especially, not to illicit him getting snappy. He will be OK. I might talk to him about it again (a little) tonight, depending on the vibe. But he surely had me wrong if he thought I was going sit at home alone eating ice cream, waiting on his "Happy NYE" text. Nah. Not happening. Lol.

......with his mum and dad lol

He is one hell of a funny guy. 😄

click to expand

LOL. Real funny. Awww.... He's my little sweet pea. He wants to go out and fun but his Scorpio possessiveness is rearing its ugly head. I'll assure him there wont be any funny business.

Posted by Aquemini98

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Aquemini98

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Aquemini98
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.

The irony here is that if Aquaemini98 was your boyfriend and you followed this advice he'd be on here crying about unloyal 'thots' who only stick around for the money and don't care enough about you to last through the hard times.

Oh, yeah. You still think I'm Aquaboy. You're that kind of an idiot.

Whose that?

Don't play dumb with me. You know damn well that I don't use the word "thot" in my motherfucking vocabulary. Leave me alone.

click to expand

Suuuuure you don't. I could go through your posting history to prove it but I'm not that bored.

Posted by natural25

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by natural25
Sooo.... I talked to him last night. He explained to me the importance of him spending the time with his fraternity brothers (tradition, etc.). I was transparent with him and explained to him that while I want him to feel free to maintain his friendships and social life I also want us to be able to balance our relationship with our social lives. I have friends and go out to dinner, drinks, happy hour, etc. I am deeply involved in a graduate chapter sorority myself. So, I get it and I want him to do the same. I told him I also would like for him to do it in way a that is considerate of me, previous plans that we have made, and my feelings. And with that, I told him that it is all good and that I made plans with some friends in Chicago.

This is when things took a turn.

Hmph. Be honest. Did you say this with an attitude as well (e.g. a little cold and indifferent like "bruh, do you because I'm gonna do me")?

I would have left out the "I have plans" bit at the end because it wasn't necessary to the discussion. Why did it even matter after you shared what the issue was suppose to really be about: his inconsideration?

You wanted to put a little sting in his a** for dropping the ball and he responded.

Bwahaahahahaha!!! OMG! Hilarious. Noooo... I said that because we were discussing a solution for the issue. Or, that was the objective of the conversation. So, I had to tell him there was no need to have a full on brainstorm session because I had already made plans with friends. And I DID say it in a nice way. Lol. I was not mean at all!!! Honest engine!!

Lol @ "sting in his a** for dropping the ball".

click to expand

Okay, well then he's just doing the typical Scorp double standards tantrum. It will pass.

I hope you have fun!

Posted by natural25

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV
Did you tell him about your plans in a way that would make him feel some kinda way? Jealous or off putting or otherwise?

Scorpios are good at that.

Like what was your intention or end game?

..and good at double standards

*it's okay for me to do this, but not you*

I think this is a little of what is going on. We were just texting and he said, "Are you sure you don't want for me to arrange for you to watch Christmas movies with my parents on NYE? Lol. Joking."

HE'S NOT JOKING!!!! Lol. Smh.

click to expand

Lol!

Well let us hope for him to make ways for you to get married. Just keep the relationship strong and calm yourself a bit. When the time comes, it surely comes.

"I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient."

I vote for being patient.