@NinaScorp
3 Years
Trying to figure out a relationship pattern
Understanding Relationship Patterns for Scorpio Women
Scorpio women often attract secretive partners due to their intense emotional depth and desire for privacy. This pattern may reflect subconscious needs for control, safety, or fear of vulnerability. Recognizing these tendencies can help you choose healthier relationships where transparency and mutual respect are prioritized.
P.S. Just wanted to add that I know I am messed up emotionally and I do deserve whatever judgement for having an emotional affair with a married ex.
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?
Posted by NinaScorp
Hi, Scorpio woman here in my mid thirties. Looking for some insight into a pattern I am seeing.Over the years, I dated 3 men( Virgo, Leo, Cancer), all of them pursued me but then wanted to keep me a secret.
One of them even said, " I didn't want to show off that I am with you" The other said " My ex is unstable, I didn't want to anger her". All of these relationships ended because our lives were moving in separate directions/countries.
Eventually, I met my husband(Scorpio) who didn't tell his friends he was engaged till one month before the wedding. He said " I didn't want us to get the 'evil eye'". This turned out to be a highly abusive marriage, that I finally got out of.
One of the ex-es (cancer) contacted me and pursued me again when he found out about my separation and we had a no-strings attached emotional affair for 2 months. Which has to end because he is married. Yes, I know I am an idiot here but I was vulnerable and gave into his pushing. NGL it helped me heal faster.
Clearly I am a mess when it comes to relationships but why am I looking for/accepting relationships where I am a secret. I don't look like a troll, all the men had a strong emotional connect with me ( except for my husband) so what am I doing wrong that this pattern is emerging?
Please help I'm feeling really stupid and raw.
Congratulations on recognizing you are part of the reason. That is hard for a lot to do and accept. Hugs woman.
I would explore the reason/feeling that got you to accept the relationship or let yourself get into a relationship with them first.
For the love of God. Be kind to yourself about this. Being human and everything is messy. Past is the past it's behind you. It is also the path that led you to now. You can take different roads and routes for now on. And that is a matter of the now/today what is something you can change.
Understanding why you did what you did in the past will allow you to choose something different, to change.
Ask questions, explore what you felt and thought at that time. You do this not to hate, resent, degrade yourself.
You do this as your own best friend who will listen to understand, who loves you, and looks out for your best interest and welbing.
Any questions?
Nothing wrong with ya love
In the good old days people just accepted abuse as part of a relationship, now that we don't there are a lot less relationships that last. People aren't really meant to be together for a long time, that's all a fairy tail and marriage was all about wealth and land transfer wasn't it. We aren't even built to live till we are much older than 40, medicine has solved that for us.
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?
I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
Posted by IceStorm
Have you already looked at your birth chart? Can you look to see if you have Venus in the 12th house and/or hard aspects between your Venus and Neptune placements in your birth chart? If you’re not familiar with how to look for this you can post an image of your birth chart here.Venus/Neptune aspects or Venus in the 12th house (ruled by Neptune) can manifest in these ways… secret relationships, being attracted to unavailable lovers, ignoring red flags and falling in love with the idea of being in love. I have these aspects and have had similar experiences.
Ohh thank you for that insight. I have a Libra Venus in the 10th house but yes, it could definitely be Neptune.
Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
I have Neptune in the 5th and experience this. also when his Neptune is at hard aspect to your personal planets. since life is bringing these men to us, all we can do is vet harder or take the consequences as they come
Yes, I agree. Acceptance is important.
Posted by NinaScorp
Hi, Scorpio woman here in my mid thirties. Looking for some insight into a pattern I am seeing.Over the years, I dated 3 men( Virgo, Leo, Cancer), all of them pursued me but then wanted to keep me a secret.
One of them even said, " I didn't want to show off that I am with you" The other said " My ex is unstable, I didn't want to anger her". All of these relationships ended because our lives were moving in separate directions/countries.
Eventually, I met my husband(Scorpio) who didn't tell his friends he was engaged till one month before the wedding. He said " I didn't want us to get the 'evil eye'". This turned out to be a highly abusive marriage, that I finally got out of.
One of the ex-es (cancer) contacted me and pursued me again when he found out about my separation and we had a no-strings attached emotional affair for 2 months. Which has to end because he is married. Yes, I know I am an idiot here but I was vulnerable and gave into his pushing. NGL it helped me heal faster.
Clearly I am a mess when it comes to relationships but why am I looking for/accepting relationships where I am a secret. I don't look like a troll, all the men had a strong emotional connect with me ( except for my husband) so what am I doing wrong that this pattern is emerging?
Please help I'm feeling really stupid and raw.
Congratulations on recognizing you are part of the reason. That is hard for a lot to do and accept. Hugs woman.
I would explore the reason/feeling that got you to accept the relationship or let yourself get into a relationship with them first.
For the love of God. Be kind to yourself about this. Being human and everything is messy. Past is the past it's behind you. It is also the path that led you to now. You can take different roads and routes for now on. And that is a matter of the now/today what is something you can change.
Understanding why you did what you did in the past will allow you to choose something different, to change.
Ask questions, explore what you felt and thought at that time. You do this not to hate, resent, degrade yourself.
You do this as your own best friend who will listen to understand, who loves you, and looks out for your best interest and welbing.
Any questions?
click to expand
Love this. Thank you so much for being understanding and kind.
This is definitely a message I needed to hear.
Posted by TemporaryAccommodation
Throwback
Did you have a similar experience as well?
Posted by Walk_on_by
Nothing wrong with ya loveIn the good old days people just accepted abuse as part of a relationship, now that we don't there are a lot less relationships that last. People aren't really meant to be together for a long time, that's all a fairy tail and marriage was all about wealth and land transfer wasn't it. We aren't even built to live till we are much older than 40, medicine has solved that for us.
Wow, thank you. My marriage helped me understand abuse and hopefully now I'll be able to see the signs better.
Posted by Jade_Alexander
You have a pattern with emotionally unavailable men. I bet they probably love bomb them manipulate and gaslight you.I would suggest therapy as you struggle to red flags, likely connected to your own childhood chaos or whatnot. This is a pattern you can break through self awareness, rebuilding your self concept and having a better relationship with yourself.
Yes, the love bombing (by the Leo, Cancer and the Scorpio) was really something. Scorp husband was the master gaslighter.
Yes, I am starting therapy now. Hopefully it'll uncover more insights about myself.
Posted by MysteriousHeart
Welcome to my life. I am probably the most unstable female on dxp right now with a knack for picking the most unavailable men imaginable or either I find a way to screw things up. I’m in therapy now, but I really do feel there is no hope for me. I am one very screwed up Scorpio that’s for sure.
I hope and pray you find your way out and have the great relationship you deserve.
I just wanted to say, thank you so much everyone for your help and responses. You were very kind.
I posted this message on Reddit and was called a home wrecker and many other terrible things.
Thank you for not being judgemental. I really appreciate it.
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
click to expand
So maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships and invest in some therapy to help you gain confidence.
I used to fear being alone but now insist on it 😂. Quite the turnaround hey?
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
So maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships and invest in some therapy to help you gain confidence.
I used to fear being alone but now insist on it 😂. Quite the turnaround hey?
click to expand
Haha, yes.
I am taking a break from relationships and building up a better sense of self. Therapy is helping too.
Posted by IceStorm
Have you already looked at your birth chart? Can you look to see if you have Venus in the 12th house and/or hard aspects between your Venus and Neptune placements in your birth chart? If you’re not familiar with how to look for this you can post an image of your birth chart here.Venus/Neptune aspects or Venus in the 12th house (ruled by Neptune) can manifest in these ways… secret relationships, being attracted to unavailable lovers, ignoring red flags and falling in love with the idea of being in love. I have these aspects and have had similar experiences.
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
So maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships and invest in some therapy to help you gain confidence.
I used to fear being alone but now insist on it 😂. Quite the turnaround hey?
Haha, yes.
I am taking a break from relationships and building up a better sense of self. Therapy is helping too.
click to expand
That’s good
What’s your moon sign Nina?
Posted by Jade_Alexander
You have a pattern with emotionally unavailable men. I bet they probably love bomb them manipulate and gaslight you.I would suggest therapy as you struggle to red flags, likely connected to your own childhood chaos or whatnot. This is a pattern you can break through self awareness, rebuilding your self concept and having a better relationship with yourself.
Yes, the love bombing (by the Leo, Cancer and the Scorpio) was really something. Scorp husband was the master gaslighter.
Yes, I am starting therapy now. Hopefully it'll uncover more insights about myself.
click to expand
Scorpio men can be very controlling 🫨
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
So maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships and invest in some therapy to help you gain confidence.
I used to fear being alone but now insist on it 😂. Quite the turnaround hey?
Haha, yes.
I am taking a break from relationships and building up a better sense of self. Therapy is helping too.
click to expand
That’s good
What’s your moon sign Nina?
click to expand
Scorp Sun, Caner moon. I certainly need a lot of help!
Zodiac : Tropical Placidus Orb : 0
Sun Scorpio 7°02' I ASC Capricorn 11°37'
Moon Cancer 12°12' II Aquarius 17°43'
Mercury Libra 19°14' III Pisces 25°14'
Venus Libra 0°21' IV Aries 27°58'
Mars Pisces 29°54' V Taurus 24°44'
Jupiter Gemini 4°04' R VI Gemini 18°08'
Saturn Sagittarius 28°46' VII Cancer 11°37'
Uranus Sagittarius 28°17' VIII Leo 17°43'
Neptune Capricorn 7°54' IX Virgo 25°14'
Pluto Scorpio 12°19' X MC Libra 27°58'
Lilith Virgo 18°48' XI Scorpio 24°44'
N Node Pisces 12°29' XII Sagittarius 18°08'
Sun in X MC
Moon in VII
Mercury in IX
Venus in IX
Mars in III
Jupiter in V
Saturn in XII
Uranus in XII
Neptune in XII
Pluto in X MC
Lilith in VIII
N Node in II
Not entirely sure, how to post a chart here....
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
So maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships and invest in some therapy to help you gain confidence.
I used to fear being alone but now insist on it 😂. Quite the turnaround hey?
Haha, yes.
I am taking a break from relationships and building up a better sense of self. Therapy is helping too.
click to expand
That’s good
What’s your moon sign Nina?
Scorp Sun, Caner moon. I certainly need a lot of help!
Zodiac : Tropical Placidus Orb : 0
Sun Scorpio 7°02' I ASC Capricorn 11°37'
Moon Cancer 12°12' II Aquarius 17°43'
Mercury Libra 19°14' III Pisces 25°14'
Venus Libra 0°21' IV Aries 27°58'
Mars Pisces 29°54' V Taurus 24°44'
Jupiter Gemini 4°04' R VI Gemini 18°08'
Saturn Sagittarius 28°46' VII Cancer 11°37'
Uranus Sagittarius 28°17' VIII Leo 17°43'
Neptune Capricorn 7°54' IX Virgo 25°14'
Pluto Scorpio 12°19' X MC Libra 27°58'
Lilith Virgo 18°48' XI Scorpio 24°44'
N Node Pisces 12°29' XII Sagittarius 18°08'
Sun in X MC
Moon in VII
Mercury in IX
Venus in IX
Mars in III
Jupiter in V
Saturn in XII
Uranus in XII
Neptune in XII
Pluto in X MC
Lilith in VIII
N Node in II
Not entirely sure, how to post a chart here....
click to expand
Sensitive chart, you really need to protect yourself from negative people
Water sun+moon is also very intuitive so you will know what the score is with people and therefore need to (((shield))) yourself from
harm.
Posted by NinaScorp
Hi, Scorpio woman here in my mid thirties. Looking for some insight into a pattern I am seeing.Over the years, I dated 3 men( Virgo, Leo, Cancer), all of them pursued me but then wanted to keep me a secret.
One of them even said, " I didn't want to show off that I am with you" The other said " My ex is unstable, I didn't want to anger her". All of these relationships ended because our lives were moving in separate directions/countries.
Eventually, I met my husband(Scorpio) who didn't tell his friends he was engaged till one month before the wedding. He said " I didn't want us to get the 'evil eye'". This turned out to be a highly abusive marriage, that I finally got out of.
One of the ex-es (cancer) contacted me and pursued me again when he found out about my separation and we had a no-strings attached emotional affair for 2 months. Which has to end because he is married. Yes, I know I am an idiot here but I was vulnerable and gave into his pushing. NGL it helped me heal faster.
Clearly I am a mess when it comes to relationships but why am I looking for/accepting relationships where I am a secret. I don't look like a troll, all the men had a strong emotional connect with me ( except for my husband) so what am I doing wrong that this pattern is emerging?
Please help I'm feeling really stupid and raw.
You haven’t learned to walk away in instances like these
Posted by MyStarsShine
What stops you from saying to these men either they don’t keep you a secret or there’s no relationship?I think it was low self-esteem and just having someone who loves me back. Also, the fear of being alone.
As a scorp it used to be hard to find someone who understood me so I settled for less.
So maybe it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships and invest in some therapy to help you gain confidence.
I used to fear being alone but now insist on it 😂. Quite the turnaround hey?
Haha, yes.
I am taking a break from relationships and building up a better sense of self. Therapy is helping too.
click to expand
That’s good
What’s your moon sign Nina?
Scorp Sun, Caner moon. I certainly need a lot of help!
Zodiac : Tropical Placidus Orb : 0
Sun Scorpio 7°02' I ASC Capricorn 11°37'
Moon Cancer 12°12' II Aquarius 17°43'
Mercury Libra 19°14' III Pisces 25°14'
Venus Libra 0°21' IV Aries 27°58'
Mars Pisces 29°54' V Taurus 24°44'
Jupiter Gemini 4°04' R VI Gemini 18°08'
Saturn Sagittarius 28°46' VII Cancer 11°37'
Uranus Sagittarius 28°17' VIII Leo 17°43'
Neptune Capricorn 7°54' IX Virgo 25°14'
Pluto Scorpio 12°19' X MC Libra 27°58'
Lilith Virgo 18°48' XI Scorpio 24°44'
N Node Pisces 12°29' XII Sagittarius 18°08'
Sun in X MC
Moon in VII
Mercury in IX
Venus in IX
Mars in III
Jupiter in V
Saturn in XII
Uranus in XII
Neptune in XII
Pluto in X MC
Lilith in VIII
N Node in II
Not entirely sure, how to post a chart here....
click to expandFirst off, I'm glad you took a good step back and reevaluated it and noticed for yourself. I hope you'll take a good focus on your own path to heal. And ngl I almost sorta resemble of this story as I noticed myself with my own relationship pattern, in which I have made my decision to take a huge break from that.
I noticed you have sun-pluto in conjunct of 5 degree. Did you by any chance has an issue with your own father? And noticed something similar of your parents relationship with your relationship pattern?
click to expand
Hmm, thanks for pointing that out. It took me a looong time to understand my scorp father but I get him now as I am older.
With my leo mom, however, I thought I was fine but I crave an emotional connection which she is unable to provide. It's my moon that feels tired and dry that I try to fix with relationships.
The cancer is amazing at that but of course we can no longer be together.
did your parents have a 'favorite' child?
Posted by virgoOPPP
did your parents have a 'favorite' child?
Yes, my younger sister who also developed some mental health issues as a teen so obviously got more attention. But my dad liked her more since the beginning. I was just....invisible.
How did you figure that??
Posted by virgoOPPP
did your parents have a 'favorite' child?Yes, my younger sister who also developed some mental health issues as a teen so obviously got more attention. But my dad liked her more since the beginning. I was just....invisible.
How did you figure that??
click to expand
just generally i think it affects how people turn out as adults. same way how kids who grew up being praised to the high heavens by their parents might exhibit traits deemed 'narcissistic'. i'm no professional, but I just like shooting in the dark.
Now I'm thinking, is there a way to reverse engineer a chart for a potential partner from your own chart?
I mean, going by my chart, I could look for someone with a libra mars, water moon and water sun? I don't know...
I think this is going to be a recurring lesson for you to learn about your boundaries. Define those and respect yourself to stop attracting these types of men
Posted by nanochip
I think this is going to be a recurring lesson for you to learn about your boundaries. Define those and respect yourself to stop attracting these types of men
Yes, thank you. I started therapy and we're working on boundaries and cementing a sense of self 🙂
Have you considered becoming a storm chaser?
Posted by StubbornSag
Lilith in 8th house is the impression I got and turns out that's where yours is."Black Moon Lilith in 8th house can be an indicator of problems with sexuality. You can be restricted from experiencing it fully, or alternatively, you can be involved in many affairs. This placement can suggest that your early perception of sex was that it is violent and humiliating. Your sex life becomes better in the second half of your life."
There was something else I knew that indicated that pattern but I just can't remember...if it comes to me some time later I'll write again😅
Matches my kinks perfectly 🙂
Looking forward to understanding what the other thing could be.
Posted by Walk_on_by
Have you considered becoming a storm chaser?
Lol my anxiety would never.
Why though?
I think you need to work on yourself, loving yourself, and your goals in life. It will help you not worry about others so much and not allowing what is unacceptable & get stronger. When you do you will make a better partner & not allow the unavailable guys. Seems there is a whole lot of taking advantage of you. Just because they want to be with you, doesn’t mean you need to be. Also, if you’re anything like my daughter ( also Scorpio), sometimes the emotions overrule the brain. And you need to learn to use your brain more so you don’t end up in these situations.
Sounds like you are working on it. Stay away from the married guy. Sounds like he came after you. No judgement here, but best for you to stay out of it.
Be kind to yourself ❤️
Posted by Walk_on_by
Have you considered becoming a storm chaser?Lol my anxiety would never.
Why though?
click to expand
Seems like you're always attracting bad weather.
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Hi, Scorpio woman here in my mid thirties. Looking for some insight into a pattern I am seeing.
Over the years, I dated 3 men( Virgo, Leo, Cancer), all of them pursued me but then wanted to keep me a secret.
One of them even said, " I didn't want to show off that I am with you" The other said " My ex is unstable, I didn't want to anger her". All of these relationships ended because our lives were moving in separate directions/countries.
Eventually, I met my husband(Scorpio) who didn't tell his friends he was engaged till one month before the wedding. He said " I didn't want us to get the 'evil eye'". This turned out to be a highly abusive marriage, that I finally got out of.
One of the ex-es (cancer) contacted me and pursued me again when he found out about my separation and we had a no-strings attached emotional affair for 2 months. Which has to end because he is married. Yes, I know I am an idiot here but I was vulnerable and gave into his pushing. NGL it helped me heal faster.
Clearly I am a mess when it comes to relationships but why am I looking for/accepting relationships where I am a secret. I don't look like a troll, all the men had a strong emotional connect with me ( except for my husband) so what am I doing wrong that this pattern is emerging?
Please help I'm feeling really stupid and raw.