Virgo Disarmed this Scorpio...

And took off with my entire life force.

Can someone please explain to me how it is that this virgo male somehow managed to disarm me so completely over the course of two years, and now I feel like I've been run over by a bus?

Long story short, we were co-workers who fell in love, and he has a young daughter from his previous marriage. (He still lives near his ex, which means he lives quite far from me).

Our two-year relationship was phenomenal on all levels (our connection was something we had never experienced before, and our friends had said that we made an amazing couple). 7 months ago he lost his job, and doing the typical virgo thing, he went into hiding repeatedly. I stayed by his side, and kept telling him to take his time, and that if he needed anything at all, I'd be there for him as his supporter.

Throughout those 7 months he was temperamental... being really self-deprecating, and even taking his frustrations out on me by occasionally saying he couldn't take us anymore (he felt stressed out over having to balance finding a job, his daughter, and finding time for us even though we only have time to see each other once a week, if that - which worked for us). He finally got a job last month and told me things were going to get better, that he appreciated that I stood by his side.

Three weeks later, I got a text message saying "I need to be more of a father. We need to talk." Meaning: we needed to break up. We never talked about it, he just went into hiding for a while. In true scorpio style , I badgered him for answers - I hate investing all my energy, trust, and love into someone that doesn't seem to have any regard that we spent a phenomenal two years together. We agreed to be "friends" - which apparently did not equate to any changes physically and emotionally. Just a label change.

We saw each other last night for coffee, and he told me that the reason we broke up is because he "underestimated being a dad" (he's been one throughout our relationship, so I don't know what changed), and that even though he regards us as "soul mates," he doesn't have the heart to make us work.

I think it's a cop-out. What I want to know is why is it that I can't just let him be? Why do I have this incessant urge to find more answers and find more ways to see him? I've always been able to let my exes go in the past, but this man has completely disarmed me, even though he's hurt me beyond belief in the span of 3 weeks. *frustrated*

MAYBE YOU FEEL FOR HIM AND WISH TO HELP HIM AND LOVE HIM.. WHY DO ALL WOMEN DO THIS.. ONLY YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS, SO EXAMINE IT.. IS THIS YOUR FIRST CHILD? BINGO HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE? HAS A MAN EVER MADE U FEEL REJECTED? BINGO... DO YOU FEEL THAT MAYBE IT'S YOU AND BLAME YOURSELF? IT'S THE CHALLENGE YOU SEEK... IT'S TURNING YOU ON...

Most Scorpios I know have the same feelings you are experiencing right now when they are break-up'ee .... if the break-up'er, then exact opposite feelings are present.

So, my suggestion to you, so you can feel better, is to do everything in your power to get him back, continue to obsess until you get him back, and then before he has the chance to do it to you again .... break up with him.

Then your life (Stinger) will still be armed.

LOL... now *that* sounds like a true scorpio tactic.

It's weird because everything was going relatively well, and I felt soooo blindsighted. We had always talked about how if things got to the point where we thought about breaking up, we'd talk about it first before doing anything rash. And he went and ended two years in a text msg.

There's a *huge* part of me that wants to be vindictive, and another part of me that loves him too much to hurt him like he hurt me... and that's *not* like me... I'm typically eye for an eye.

See, the problem with trying to get him back is the more I pursue, the more he's been pushing away. Should I just give him time to come around and then go for the sting? =P

If you really love him, let him go. He'll come back to you if he's meant to. He just needs the space to realise that. I know 2 years is a long time but when you've been with someone a whole lot longer than that and especially when one is a scorpio (male in this case) you will inevitably go through a whole lot of break-ups and make-ups.

It's all about needing space to figure oneself out and some people are unable to simply say "I still want you but I need some space to figure things out" so instead they go straight for the kill - "let's break up". Stress at the time clouds emotions of the one who is stressed.

So...just let him go.

I see what you're saying. I'm the scorp (female), and he's the virgo (male)... I'm just petrified he'd never return, even though it's been shown time and time again that he does return.

Emotion overrides all reason right now.

I've been in other long-term relationships (some longer than this) but he's been the only one with whom I've felt this profound a connection.

I just hope one day he comes back (I sound like one of those whiney, depressive, clingy girls...argh!).

"...but he's been the only one with whom I've felt this profound a connection."

Just think about it this way...if he's yours no one else will have him.

And remember, men cant multitask. If they are stressed in one area, they cant handle anything else on top of it.

Just tell him you love him and you'll be there for him if he needs you (if that's how you truly feel) then walk away.

chrix ... Virgo men are like no others. Thier sense of duty supercedes all else, even Capmen's .... especially to loved ones.

What I think has happened here, is that while he was on his 7 month involuntary sabatical, not only was he irritable and fussy with you (which btw, you're an angel for standing by a fussy man that long), he was likely also neglecting his child **emotionally**, or perhaps, instead of neglecting, he was probably being a dick to her also.

Though, he would also consider you a loved one, you are an adult, she is not and is dependent upon him to be one of her examples in life to learn how to grow up.

Virgos take their roles very, very, very seriously ..... and I'm certain that he is carrying around some guilt for how he behaved (self-deprecating) BECAUSE he is a father, and this is just unacceptable behaviour when you are the example of a child.

Additionally, Virgos process everything internally, which takes them eons to come to terms with themselves when they feel like that have been a disappointment to another person. What you are experiencing right now is quite common in the Virgo. This is within his natural state to become distant and uncommunicative when he feels small or inadequate any way within himself.

The good news is ... Virgos are also extremely realistic, and once he gets out of his funk and has plenty of time to re-balance his engines, he will then return to his normal self, and seek out conversations with you to explain to you (or try to) that it was just something he was going through and that it wasn't anything to do with you, or something you did wrong.

Virgos just work that way. Some people have to express, vent, gain insight .. some people sink into depression and are gloomy .. some people need to submerge themselves into distractions .... we're all different ... and the Virgo needs solitude within his mind, with no distractions, no interuptions .. he needs to sort this out by himself because that's how he's made.

In your position, I would put a whole lot of distressful engery into it, and try to understand that this is what he needs to get through how he feels like he let people down who depended on him, by showing his weakness.

He'll come back to himself, and to you if you have his heart ... don't worry. Just give him space, for now and let him heal himself. 🙂

"I would put a whole lot of distressful engery "

*** wouldn't ...... I wouldn't put a whole lot of .....

That's some wonderful insight. I will definitely give him space.

Just one other question though - my being freakishly clingy the last two times we saw each other... is that going to be a *huge* deterrent in his decisions to let me back into his heart (in whatever capacity)? Or will he realize I was reacting (irrationally) out of pain?

He will definitely consider that you reacted.

I can't even tell you how many times my Virgo husband has witnessed me having an emotional moment through the years ...... and after he's walked away to find solitude to hash everything over, he comes back with no resentment.

They know that women are emotional and will respond that way .. don't worry about that.

You know what I would do if I were you? I'd write him a long letter and explain to him that you understand that he needs time right now, and remind him how much you care ..... and, well, you know what you need to say to him 🙂 .. thing is, in a letter, you can control your tone, your emotions from getting in the way.

Scorpios feel intensely, so I know this is a difficult time. You know what? Virgos and Scorpios go together .. perfect compatibility.

what decans are the two of you? Are you within the same numerically?

VIRGO

1st Decan ? 24th August - 3rd September: Ruled by Mercury, you live by the very highest standards and demand the same of others. Logical, intelligent, with a great memory, you learn fast, work hard and can forge a brilliant career. A lively and intuitive partner, you raise love-making to an art form for your lucky lover.

2nd Decan ? 4th - 13th September: Influenced by Saturn, you are sterner and more ambitious than other Virgos, with a talent for organisation and high earning power. Your understanding of people and the world make for business success. You are a steadfast, sensitive and resourceful lover. But a cheating partner may never get a whisper of a second chance with you.

3rd Decan ? 14th - 22nd September: Influenced by Venus, you are less aspiring than most Virgos, happier in your being with a warm, affectionate nature. Home is your sanctuary, a place of real beauty. Your love- style is sensuous and satisfying, and you are a patient, caring, understanding life partner.



SCORPIO

1st Decan ? 24th October - 2nd November: Ruled by Pluto, you are an irresistible force who mixes passion and compassion, magnetism, insights, intimacy and ambition. Sheer single-mindedness assures that you're a winner in love and in work. Your feelings are complex but utterly genuine.

2nd Decan ? 3rd - 12th November: Influenced by Neptune, you're driven but your moderating streak of charity and self-sacrifice means that seek job satisfaction above prestige. Arousing and mysterious, empathetic, and faith-inspiring - you make a wonderful lover and life-partner. You have so many sexual fantasies to share with your lucky partner.

3rd Decan ? 13th - 22nd November: Influenced by the Moon, with an aura of enchantment, you are caring, abiding and more domesticated that other Scorpios. Canny, subtle, adaptable, with stunning powers of concentration, you charm your way to worldly success - and into a lover's heart.

Perfect compatibility between Virgo and Scorpio .... especially if the two fall within that same numerically ..

1st Decan Virgo with 1st Decan Scorpio
2nd Decan Virgo with 2nd Decan Scorpio
3rd Decan Virgo with 3rd Decan Scorpio

Yeah, we're third and third. Everything about him rings very true. I'm not so sure about myself (he'd be a better judge of that), but we'd both agree I'm not quite there on the domesticated scale lol.

I usually don't hold out hope once a relationship ends, but he's the first who's ever got me to this point of complete and total admiration for everything that he is. I used to believe that love was about two complete people coming together and forming a bond. Now (for the first time in existence) I truly do feel he is my other half (as cliche as that sounds).

This is why I'm so upset about what's transpired over the past few weeks.

Well, there's tons of other influences of a person too ... other planets and aspects .. so many your moon isn't so domesticated and that's where it's coming from.

No wonder you feel this way about him, since you're both 3rds. If there is ever a such thing as a soulmate ... yours would be a 3rd Decan Virgo 🙂

Try the letter ... Virgos love love letters. Heck, they just love the written word, period. Try not to freak out because being a Virgo, he's supposed to pull away when he feels like he was inadequate in some way.

I have to go .. hang in there 🙂

Thank you *very* much for putting things into perspective. I will send him a letter sometime this week (just to give both him and myself a few days to recover from us seeing each other yesterday).

You've been a great help!

I really get what you're saying, and given that you don't really know the context or our dynamic (or my tone at the time of posting), I really understand how you'd jump to the conclusion that I'm being selfish. In some respects, you may be right. I am aware that virgos define themselves through thier jobs because it's tangible and gives them a sense of purpose (he's told me this before). I would help him with the job search, help him fine-tune his resume, help him network (when he asked me to help... he hates when people do things out of pity/charity for him). The situation is not about me wanting to hurt him for being with his daughter - I respect him for that. The situation is far more muddy than that, and I'm upset that after all the struggles we've been through together (and we had become all the stronger for it), he jumped ship without warning, without discussion. I don't want to hurt him at all... what I said was with regards to a knee-jerk reaction (albeit emotionally immature) to feeling a pain I have never known.

He hasn't been in an easy situation, but nor have I. And to save a long discussion about both of our personal histories, we've both been working through our own stuff, and we've been each other's support networks for the most part (until he started disappearing for weeks at a time).

I've always been supportive of him having a child to raise... he and his ex are still amicable, and live really close to each other. He and I live about an hour away from each other. We only see each other once a week (during the evenings) so he can be a father and a provider (and so I can work on my full-time education and my five jobs). This was never an issue for us (at least, he never made it seem like one for two years).

And while one could say I may have been a "motherly" figure, this wasn't the case. I'd often ask about his little one, but he's hardly talked about her. I've never even seen a picture after two years of being with him. It's as if he doesn't want the two worlds colliding for whatever reason.

And for the record, I was never going to act on ideas of revenge. Again, knee-jerk response to pain. It's emotionally immature, but I've never had to deal with losing someone who (as we both believed) was my soul mate. I know I'm being vague about details, but I wanted to make it clear that it's not about me being a spoiled brat who didn't get her way. We've both made our sacrifices to make us work, and he bailed on us just as things wer

...just as things were finally starting to get better after 7 months of constant stress, pain, and heartache for both of us (again, I was going through my own stuff in addition to helping him out with his). *shrug*

That's a very good point - we are definitely not immune to having stressors affect our relationship. It just boggled my mind that the day prior to us breaking up, he said to me "I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. We're meant to be together. I'd never end it with you," and then out of the blue I get a text saying he can't do this anymore. Surely you can understand why I'd be stunned, hurt, upset, and completely blindsighted, regardless of the reasons behind his departure.

I didn't find out a lot of the reasons behind his departure until yesterday (3 weeks after the fact), and even then, a lot of questions remain that he refuses to answer, which upsets me because we were always able to talk about things that were bothering us or dragging us down. We still regard each other as best friends and soul mates, but he said he doesn't have it in him to make us work. He won't really say what the deciding factor was. The only thing I have to go on is a text saying he wanted to be more of a dad. Being emotional, I just want answers, and I know I'm going about it the wrong way. At least, not in a way that benefits either of us.

I understand he needs time to get his own bearings straight after 7 months of chaos and uncertainty, but I'm also someone who's driven by emotion more so than reason when something hugely unexpected (such as this) happens. And part of the problem also is that we still kiss, we still love each other, we're still sharing our most intimate moments together, and then at the end of it all, he says "don't walk away with any false hopes about us." I mean I'm confused and hurt, as I'm sure most would be.

Oh, and re: daughter, I'd never force him to introduce me to that part of his life until he was (if ever) ready. Basically, I want him to do things at his own pace, but I also (selfishly) don't want to lose the greatest love I've ever known. =)

like P angel said, give him some space.. write him a letter.. im a virgo with a scorpio man and i too feel that way about him.. he's opened me up in a way that no other men ever had.. he will think about you constantly while he's away and certainly will miss you but we virgos are good at hiding our feelings. i say writing him a letter is good too cuz we like to read things over and over and think, analyze.. i used to read a text from my bf sayin that he loves and misses me and blah blah over and over, thinking about him while we were apart.. but make sure u check up on him onnce in awhile cuz out of sight, out of mind.

I sent him an email yesterday saying that part of me understands his rationale for ending things, but another part of me can't wrap my head around it, so for him to understand that because I'm human and it's hard watching the one you love walk away. I told him space was necessary between us just so we don't end up in a battle of the wills (which was starting to happen) over me trying to cling on for dear life, and him wanting time apart. Said that I love him and I'd be there for him no matter what, and that we'd be in touch once we both feel we're ready.

Would you wait on him to contact me first? Or should I contact him in a few weeks? Or would that be too soon? (I'm bad at this stuff!)

sagigoat: "i have this impression that many virgos men can only do one thing at a time."

No, we can handle a lot. BUT, our Job / Career is central to who we are, and if that's not settled, we're not settled!

Ladies, y'all should NEVER start dating a VirGuy who's not established in his career. He WILL NOT be able to make you Priority #1 until his Job is done...

A big reason for my stepping way outside my comfort zone and dating a Scorpio woman is because everything else in my life at that point was settled. I could not have dated her in my 20's, and it would've been hard in my 30's. But shit! Not only did I marry her, but I let her talk me into starting another family in my 40's!

Yeah, we can handle a lot -- even Scorpio Twins! -- but we have to be at place in our lives where we feel like we can do it...

Timing is everything!

chrix: "Would you wait on him to contact me first? Or should I contact him in a few weeks? Or would that be too soon? (I'm bad at this stuff!)"

I know it's hard as hell, but let him go...

If it's meant to be, he'll come back to you -- when he knows he's ready.

I hate where you're at, but I understand. Scorpio & Virgo can get really crazy about each other. But, sometimes Love is not enough...

"maybe just think differently because perception is everything."

Sagi... you KNOW us Virgs can't think differently! And, as my beloved Scorp says all the time, "You think too much!"

"once you lose/miss certain things in life you may not ever be able to get it back."

True, and it sucks, and we fully realize it... but, we also know our own limits, and we try not to break the system -- bend it, yes, but not break it -- that hurts!!

"i mean sometimes it can take years to build up one's career or life to a point that's stable."

Yes, and part of the problem for me and LibraEX was that we married before I went into the Air Force, and that career preparation took a toll on both of us!

"anyway sorry dy...i know i'm shooting the messenger"

No need to apologize. All opinions are welcome here -- even when they don't coincide with mine!

I hate it for this Scorpio Gal, but it doesn't look good.

I took a chance with my Debra, but I was at a point where I could...

MIA: "that was entertaining."

So... Where's my applause??

Sagi,

I fully sympathize. It's no consolation, but we hurt, too.

I came pretty close to not starting anything with my Scorp. THAT would've been awful for both of us, not to mention The Twins, who wouldn't even be here!!

You have a T'riffic Tuesday!!

so what was his response?

hey chrix,
also refer to virgo message board titled "Why do Virgo men dissappear without a reason"
i know it is not exactly what is going on with u but i just wanted to point out that if he is really in love with u, he'd make an effort.. as i am a virgo myself, i know for a fact that virgos like to compromise for their loved ones, especially scorps.. i've tried to ask for space, a break, simply disappear, this and that in my previous relationships cuz i didn't CARE enough at the point. i would encourage you to move on, but i know how it feels when u truly love someone.. so if ur willing, wait for him and let him know that ur still there for him contact him once in awhile but make sure to give urself some time to see if u can move on too.. cuz once virgos are gone, they're gone.

oh and on that board.. i cant agree with caprigirlwithvirgo and p-angel more.. they've said everything i want to tell ya about virgo men

Wow... this thread got big fast! I know I'm going to torture myself (and all of you who are reading/responding to this)...

he just sent me an e-mail in response to my heartfelt email yesterday. He simply said "hi...got your email, wanted to wish you well"

Has he officially given up?

(Gawd... now I feel like I'm over-analyzing).

aww.. doesn't that sound cold.. hey, i say just wait it out. and after time goes by see if u feel the same way.. i know it will be HARD but u will be fine.. i'm having a hard time with my scorp too and i know i love him enough to try my hardest but at the same time im kind of getting tired and i know he needs to try as well u know. so just go out have fun with some female friends, work hard, wait it out and see what happens. so.. no more contacting him for awhile!

thanks, merc! 😄

I'm *really* trying to not contact him (though it is difficult). He called my cell at 12:45 in the morning (I didn't answer, and he didn't leave a voice message). He called from his work this morning at 9 am (I can never remember his work number, so I picked up by mistake), but the second I said "hello?" he hung up. He hasn't tried contacting me since.

I want things to be far more straightforward than this... I...need...strength! lol.

i bet you were relieved in a way to get his calls.. thinkin that it's not really over yet. u know u cant focus at work or stop thinkin about it.. it sucks!! then i'd get happier than ever to get a text.. lol anyway, he might not last long.. he might even contact u sooner than u think. good luck.. hope he realizes that ur more important to him that he thought and everything works out. but play it cool, k !

Haha you know *exactly* how I'm feeling. I hope in time it does get easier... I'm so close to caving. He's the first man I've ever been with who I haven't been able to just get up and walk away from once things were declared "over." It's soooo frustrating sometimes.