Which secrets to keep, when to lie...

My scorps step-sis was talking about his family (b4 his dad met her mom) and it slipped out that his real mom had mental disease issues. I was shocked! I didn't know anything about his mom having those kind of issues, though come to think of it, the 2 times i met her she seemed a little off.

WHY wouldn't my bf tell me? Or say anything at all?!! Now i want to know, but am to scared to ask.

From my experience, Scorps will not tell you about something until they are ready to- maybe he still needs to deal with that and come to terms with it....they usually do not respond very well to prodding; the whole "share your thoughts and feelings now" thing does not work so well. Give him some time and he will talk to you about it when he is ready. don't worry- it has nothing to do with you.....all I can tell you is from my experience with scorps, so I'm sure actual scorps will have more detailed or true to form info for ya...

That (a secret) of which they (the girlfried/boyfriend/spouse ect) do not know about, will not hurt them


- did i say that out loud..oopss

I think we learned in school something like 125 mental disorders are "inherrited". Realitve to your situation, I don't know. Although I would say honestly unless your b/f is displaying characteristcs of somebody with a mental health issue (and unless you or I are Mental Health Practitioners, last time I checked I wasn't, we can't diagnose that) it's hard to say what the issue of this "secret" is. I remember learning in school, that indeed if there is such thing as inherited mental disorder, the mutation of the affected gene is in DNA strand 36, affecting the X chromosone. I wouldn't worry too much about this issue.

I mean being reasonable, (as I'm a logical Taurus woman thinker) unless you outright asked him "does your family or mother have any mental illnesses?" so what's the relevance. My mother has a mental health issue, and I graduated college with a RN BSN, I honestly think it's just a mute point and something not to argue about at this point in time, but that's your decision.

guess I never considered them having children since everytime I see her posting it's because they're NOT getting along as opposed to getting along. I'm not a Mental Health Specialist thank god, but come on, is it really relevant at this point in their relationship? Some mental illness are said to be inherited yes.

ahhh, thanks... I always have tags sticking out the back of my scrub shirts, in fact I was in OR one time, in the middle of a total hip surgery and the surgeon said something about my tag sticking out my gown... *wink*

waterbearing: Good Point! We are a computer charting hospital, everybody has access to every medical record of every inpatient in the touch of a button, EXCEPT for the patients on the Behavioral Health Unit, they are all charted paper charting (old fashoined way) so that the only people who have access to who is there etc are the ones actually working on that unit on a shift. Protects their privacy better because society does judge so much.

and of course maybe he wouldn't want this mental health issue, used against him in the next argument or fight.

I do understand where you're coming from Emerald. I don't understand how an in-law having a mental health issue would be relevant enough to cause such emotional distress in a relationship. When I was married, my in-law had diabetes and CHF, my ex didn't tell me but where is that any of my business, and we still had kids together. Heck I didn't even know for two years that my father-in-law at the time had a colostomy bag, but it didn't affect me any.

I'm exhausted, just worked a 24 hour shift but can't get to sleep, nevermind me....

TG, you never mentioned if she was actively involved in his life and whether or not she was med dependent or using meds to control symptoms/issue. Some people can be totally "normal" (if there is such a standard) by usuing meds alone. I take Ativan for anxiety issues PRN but that doesn't make me "crazy"

If she is med controlled than what's the issue?

Thanks for the feedback. I felt kinda sad that he didn't tell me, keeping family stories is quite personal, and if he can't share them with me, he's keeping his distance. It does affect me though, as his dad was hot-tempered and violent, and knowing his mother's background helps me to understand where he's coming from, and why we do argue so much! It shows an unhealthy background to communication, which, if talks about we might have a chance at changing our understanding & communication style with each other.

I don't know if she took anything, put she definately seemed off, and he hardly ever saw her, seemed like he didn't want to see her. He feels like he has to call her though (guilt?), and I only saw her twice before we moved.

If you're already having issues in your relationship than don't let this be another straw on the camel's back, it may be the one that breaks it and it's so irrelevant. Mental Health issues are so common in today's society, thank goodness for Xanax, Lithium, Haldol i.e. Maybe he's ashamed, scorps are full of pride ya know, or so I've learned.

I've been floated to the Beavioral Health Unit several times, although not my favorite place to be, my outlook has defintely changed. The last time I was floated there, an employee was a patient there, I was SHOCKED, but the came to the realization that that could be any one of us at any point in our lives when a traumatic experience happens, stress etc...

People deal with things in different ways, so unless you know exactly the extent to her condition and the history it's hard to assume all bad. She may have had a breakdown once which may have classified her as having "mental health issues" it's amazing how people are classified on for certain things.

"She may have had a breakdown once which may have classified her as having "mental health issues" it's amazing how people are classified on for certain things.`

No doubt, I would too if I was married to his dad! Anyways, I guess I won`t ask him about it, and I might never find out...until...NO...NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I go crazy too!!!!

mental health issues - dating these crazy men! lol 😉

Yeah TG, it would be better that you keep the information to yourself and be more attentive and caring to him.

It is his fault that he has a mentally ill parent. He must be suffering a lot keeping it from you.

OOPs ! I mean it is NOT his fault that ............

I missed typing the NOT....