How does one change? I need to change.

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Soul
@Soul
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Really you just do it. When I quit smoking I just did it. Same with drinking. When I got overweight I started working out more. Change is so simple yet hard at the same time. You have to make your mind feel that this change is a task that has to be done at all cost no matter how much you dislike the process of change. It doesn't need to be done, nor is it just an idea that can be done. It absolutely has to be done. That's the best mindset for change, at least for myself. You literally just do it and don't stop.
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
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Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
I want to change everything. My thinking, fear and anxiety to try anything new (even normal things that others do put me on edge). Go to school and choose a completely different career lose weight.

My problem is when i start to "change" it will go for a while 30 days until i hit a wall that requires me to make a decision that requires me to step outside my comfort zone and family responsibilities.
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Virgorean
@Virgorean
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Posted by VenusStar
I want to change everything. My thinking, fear and anxiety to try anything new (even normal things that others do put me on edge). Go to school and choose a completely different career lose weight.

My problem is when i start to "change" it will go for a while 30 days until i hit a wall that requires me to make a decision that requires me to step outside my comfort zone and family responsibilities.
Change comes from execution. It's not enough to only have a plan, but it's a beginning point.

Start off small, simple, and give yourself deadlines. In the business world it's known as SMART objectives, but can be applied to self. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant/Realistic, Time bound. Example. You mention losing weight, but ask yourself what you need to do and be specific about it. First, aim for a short term goal. Say your short term goal is you wish to lose 20 pounds by your next birthday. Well, one SMART objective is to workout. But say you don't have access to a gym. Then youtube videos of alternatives to working out at home. Which would lead you to develop a task-'Workout (do 1 set of push-ups, 1 set of crunches, 1 set of squats, etc.) 30 mins. A day for one week.' And from there you'd expand-increase it to an hour and then when you start noticing slight pound decreases, you can then focus on losing a set amount of pounds per month.

The key is to stick to what you propose and believe in it. The challenge is your will-power. Secondly, maintain positivity. The more you tell yourself you 'can't do it' the more you'll believe in it. Thirdly, share your goals with friends, family, people. Their support multiplies your determination to completion. I'm not a social butterfly, but I was able to take on adventurous opportunities because of this mentality. I hope this helps ?
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SofiaV87
@SofiaV87
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Posted by VenusStar
Posted by SofiaV87
It all starts in the mind .. The mind is everything hunnie ?

I understand that. Its also a matter of finding a job. My family is putting pressure on me to find a job because they have other things that they would like to do and they expect to leave me behind to take care of an ailing parent. Hence no life.

click to expand

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it all works out for u in the end ?

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VenusStar
@VenusStar
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Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by SofiaV87
It all starts in the mind .. The mind is everything hunnie ?

I understand that. Its also a matter of finding a job. My family is putting pressure on me to find a job because they have other things that they would like to do and they expect to leave me behind to take care of an ailing parent. Hence no life.


I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it all works out for u in the end ?

click to expand


Thanks. Praying.
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by jeane
This popped up on my Facebook feed. Might help?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-s-mental-health-matters/201612/7-ways-get-yourself-unstuck
Thanka jeane. Today ive made the decision to stop complaining and get unstuck.
click to expand

Good luck. I genuinely wish you only the very best in your endeavours. I think I can confidently say we all have confidence in you to get and live the life you dream of.
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
I feel awful and alone. Cant stop crying. Like have no other choices in life.


What has helped me is remembering that

life ... time keeps ticking.

New opportunities come. Be in this

now (maybe this funk) but things

always change. Hard to see

sometimes though. Hugs*
click to expand


i feel like my life has alwys been in a funk what ipsets me is yhat i thiught ny 32 i would be married with one kid or at . least living on my own with money and ? one to care for but myself. But i find in the last four years i lost my income, savings,401k, my good credit, the respect of my family and my hope and prospect of love (despite being a taurus i dont attract men ever inless they are over 60 or im their nlast resort)

All i qialify for wiyh my skills is for my last or data entry work at the poverty level.

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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by rabidtalker
Posted by VenusStar
My life has been lived for other people I have nothing to show for it.


Posted by VenusStar
I feel awful and alone. Cant stop crying. Like have no other choices in life.
Change your scenery. A move does wonders for a lot of people. Maybe you need this?

click to expand


Cant unless i kidnapp my parent and move. Thats why im upset. Im not focused and didnt do anyone svhooling in the last few years and broke.

My sibling who jelped mebtake carebof parent are moving soon and im still in my childhood home rotting.
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jeane
@jeane
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Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
I feel awful and alone. Cant stop crying. Like have no other choices in life.


What has helped me is remembering that

life ... time keeps ticking.

New opportunities come. Be in this

now (maybe this funk) but things

always change. Hard to see

sometimes though. Hugs*

i feel like my life has alwys been in a funk what ipsets me is yhat i thiught ny 32 i would be married with one kid or at . least living on my own with money and ? one to care for but myself. But i find in the last four years i lost my income, savings,401k, my good credit, the respect of my family and my hope and prospect of love (despite being a taurus i dont attract men ever inless they are over 60 or im their nlast resort)

All i qialify for wiyh my skills is for my last or data entry work at the poverty level.

click to expand


when i find i am like this, i find i need a plan.

first work out what is your biggest problem?

sounds like it is money.

so you have two options; get a job or get an education while doing a job which will get you where you need to be. if you can't afford an education, get a student loan. if you are on minimum wage, do it until you can find something better paid. just start moving.

when you get a job, you can get a place.

by the time you get a place, you'll be confident.

when you're confident, you'll get a partner.

don't put yourself in a race on an imaginary timeline. our lives are our lives. they don't always work out like we imagined. sometimes that is a good thing! sometimes we limit ourselves by our thinking.

at 32, i felt behind the curve as well. all my friends were married with children and mortgages with stunning careers. i was temping, living off credit cards, single (very single), i couldn't afford a car. i was renting in a shitty house with no heating, i had fallen out with my family and most of my friends and living in a city where i knew no one. i tried to foster a cat but i found i was allergic. even that didn't work out.

things change. things will change for you too but you need to start and once you start, you need to keep going. you have choices. there are always choices.
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by jeane
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
I feel awful and alone. Cant stop crying. Like have no other choices in life.


What has helped me is remembering that

life ... time keeps ticking.

New opportunities come. Be in this

now (maybe this funk) but things

always change. Hard to see

sometimes though. Hugs*

i feel like my life has alwys been in a funk what ipsets me is yhat i thiught ny 32 i would be married with one kid or at . least living on my own with money and ? one to care for but myself. But i find in the last four years i lost my income, savings,401k, my good credit, the respect of my family and my hope and prospect of love (despite being a taurus i dont attract men ever inless they are over 60 or im their nlast resort)

All i qialify for wiyh my skills is for my last or data entry work at the poverty level.



when i find i am like this, i find i need a plan.

first work out what is your biggest problem?

sounds like it is money.

so you have two options; get a job or get an education while doing a job which will get you where you need to be. if you can't afford an education, get a student loan. if you are on minimum wage, do it until you can find something better paid. just start moving.

when you get a job, you can get a place.

by the time you get a place, you'll be confident.

when you're confident, you'll get a partner.

don't put yourself in a race on an imaginary timeline. our lives are our lives. they don't always work out like we imagined. sometimes that is a good thing! sometimes we limit ourselves by our thinking.

at 32, i felt behind the curve as well. all my friends were married with children and mortgages with stunning careers. i was temping, living off credit cards, single (very single), i couldn't afford a car. i was renting in a shitty house with no heating, i had fallen out with my family and most of my friends and living in a city where i knew no one. i tried to foster a cat but i found i was allergic. even that didn't work out.

things change. things will change for you too but you need to start and once you start, you need to keep going. you have choices. there are always choices.

click to expand


(tears) your story sound similiar to mine and feels good to have some who was in the same situation make it out. There's hope.
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
I feel awful and alone. Cant stop crying. Like have no other choices in life.


What has helped me is remembering that

life ... time keeps ticking.

New opportunities come. Be in this

now (maybe this funk) but things

always change. Hard to see

sometimes though. Hugs*

i feel like my life has alwys been in a funk what ipsets me is yhat i thiught ny 32 i would be married with one kid or at . least living on my own with money and ? one to care for but myself. But i find in the last four years i lost my income, savings,401k, my good credit, the respect of my family and my hope and prospect of love (despite being a taurus i dont attract men ever inless they are over 60 or im their nlast resort)

All i qialify for wiyh my skills is for my last or data entry work at the poverty level.




I understand.

Believe me I do.

You...

One medicine we must give ourselves

in something like this is to forgive where

we are. Its about you ~ not others thoughts

of you. Its your your your story. Not theirs.

You do the best you can with what you

"Know" and what you have.

We can all struggle with this. Accepting.

I struggle with this at times. But..



In the mean time, maybe working on

your subconscious. Maybe look into

Your subconscious?

Look at and change beliefs that

don't serve you to start reflect what you want.







click to expand


yeah i do feel like other judge me. I still ashamed to tell people how long i wss without a job.

How do you worn on hour subconcious?

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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
Posted by Ajna
Posted by VenusStar
I feel awful and alone. Cant stop crying. Like have no other choices in life.


What has helped me is remembering that

life ... time keeps ticking.

New opportunities come. Be in this

now (maybe this funk) but things

always change. Hard to see

sometimes though. Hugs*

i feel like my life has alwys been in a funk what ipsets me is yhat i thiught ny 32 i would be married with one kid or at . least living on my own with money and ? one to care for but myself. But i find in the last four years i lost my income, savings,401k, my good credit, the respect of my family and my hope and prospect of love (despite being a taurus i dont attract men ever inless they are over 60 or im their nlast resort)

All i qialify for wiyh my skills is for my last or data entry work at the poverty level.




I understand.

Believe me I do.

You...

One medicine we must give ourselves

in something like this is to forgive where

we are. Its about you ~ not others thoughts

of you. Its your your your story. Not theirs.

You do the best you can with what you

"Know" and what you have.

We can all struggle with this. Accepting.

I struggle with this at times. But..



In the mean time, maybe working on

your subconscious. Maybe look into

Your subconscious?

Look at and change beliefs that

don't serve you to start reflect what you want.









yeah i do feel like other judge me. I still ashamed to tell people how long i wss without a job.

How do you worn on hour subconcious?




Well in short....

It's like when we are children,

We are open to sucking things

in. We suck in the language,

the beliefs, everything around us.

Even challenges that our guardians

had around us when our ego was

not yet molded can be one with us.

That's why we can attach ourselves

with parents view of the world, how

to go about the world etc etc.

If they were depressed..

If they were abusive...

We attach. But..

When you sleep...

When you meditate... or

Even when you are not paying

attention, things can go in again

like when you were a child/ subconscious

and through repetive work can

attach new beliefs. You are then

'Open' again like a baby or animals.nature.



Some would say when you change

the core, you change everything.





click to expand


Sounds exactly what i need. Get rid of baggage

Waiting on your links thx.
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by VenusStar
(tears) your story sound similiar to mine and feels good to have some who was in the same situation make it out. There's hope.


there's lots of hope! my life hasn't worked out they way i thought it would but you know, that's ok.

the older you get, the less you care about what other people think and honestly, most people are too caught up in their own problems to give the state of your life much thought. for those that do, well,what does that say about the lack of credit in their own sorry tale.

i realised early on that every hurdle and obstacle i've had (we all have) make us who we are. i've had some very dark days in my life but they all taught me valuable lessons which brings me to my present. and yes, i still have problems but those problems and overcoming them will eventually lead me to a place that i hope will bring me contentment.

all these troubles you are having now will make you stronger, more determined, wiser and more resourceful. in 10 years you are going to look back and be grateful for this time now.
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by jeane
Posted by VenusStar
(tears) your story sound similiar to mine and feels good to have some who was in the same situation make it out. There's hope.


there's lots of hope! my life hasn't worked out they way i thought it would but you know, that's ok.

the older you get, the less you care about what other people think and honestly, most people are too caught up in their own problems to give the state of your life much thought. for those that do, well,what does that say about the lack of credit in their own sorry tale.

i realised early on that every hurdle and obstacle i've had (we all have) make us who we are. i've had some very dark days in my life but they all taught me valuable lessons which brings me to my present. and yes, i still have problems but those problems and overcoming them will eventually lead me to a place that i hope will bring me contentment.

all these troubles you are having now will make you stronger, more determined, wiser and more resourceful. in 10 years you are going to look back and be grateful for this time now.
click to expand


I hope so. I want to be greatful in a "ill never let my life wnd up like that again"

I am willing to responsibility for some bad choices ,habits and not chanhing course when a situation did not work out.
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Deedee86
@Deedee86
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Comments: 3 · Posts: 3225 · Topics: 93
@VenusStar, don't be so hard are yourself. Everyone hits lows, we have all been there, it's all about getting back up. It is not hopeless, things will get better. You just have to sort it out in your head. Imagine where you want to be in one year and then make a plan to get there. Every step, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.

If you don't mind me asking, where abouts do you live?
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wagtail
@wagtail
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Can totally relate!

You've gotten some wonderful advice based on experience in this thread and I loved reading the contributions ??

All I can sayeh is you've definitely taken the first steps already!

The key part is no time like the PRESENT to get started ??

I wish you luck and right there with you too, change is gloriously scary but within our grasp ~onward and upward my dear~
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
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Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by wagtail
Can totally relate!

You've gotten some wonderful advice based on experience in this thread and I loved reading the contributions ??

All I can sayeh is you've definitely taken the first steps already!

The key part is no time like the PRESENT to get started ??

I wish you luck and right there with you too, change is gloriously scary but within our grasp ~onward and upward my dear~
Thanks . love your avatar.
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VenusStar
@VenusStar
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Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by Deedee86
@VenusStar, don't be so hard are yourself. Everyone hits lows, we have all been there, it's all about getting back up. It is not hopeless, things will get better. You just have to sort it out in your head. Imagine where you want to be in one year and then make a plan to get there. Every step, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.

If you don't mind me asking, where abouts do you live?

Thanks DeeDee
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Sagun Shrestha
@LeoSunPiscesMoon
9 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 80 · Topics: 4
Put your thoughts into action.

Think positive, and block all negative thinking.

===

I changed my life few months ago.

I dropped 15kg weight.

I got back to practising Martial Art to keep fit.

I dropped sugar, including Coca cola and or other sugary stuffs.

I watched a lot of movies that I did not have time for previously.

I re-joined facebook and started posting my evolution and people/friends liked and boosted me.



Cycling 15-30 km per day helped.

I am still alone, and I still feel sad internally whenever I feel like going out because that life I left 16 yrs ago.

Hard to convince my brain that it won't be as bad as I think. But again I know for fact that I just need to do it once and get over it. Rest will be just a repeat and rewind.



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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by LeoSunPiscesMoon
Put your thoughts into action.

Think positive, and block all negative thinking.

===

I changed my life few months ago.

I dropped 15kg weight.

I got back to practising Martial Art to keep fit.

I dropped sugar, including Coca cola and or other sugary stuffs.

I watched a lot of movies that I did not have time for previously.

I re-joined facebook and started posting my evolution and people/friends liked and boosted me.



Cycling 15-30 km per day helped.

I am still alone, and I still feel sad internally whenever I feel like going out because that life I left 16 yrs ago.

Hard to convince my brain that it won't be as bad as I think. But again I know for fact that I just need to do it once and get over it. Rest will be just a repeat and rewind.





Its encouraging to read about the changes youve made in your life. It couldnt have been easy. What other changes arevyou looking forward to next year?

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VenusStar
@VenusStar
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 59 · Posts: 1755 · Topics: 94
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Okay live with parents or be broke while school. I was doing both for a while. And guess what I was such in a hurry to study hard and pass, make sure to get another job, have the money, and move out as fast as I could. You can do it. Good luck.

Dont have mych of a choice. Im broke. So while im here ill have to do that and go back to school and do something else.
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Sagun Shrestha
@LeoSunPiscesMoon
9 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 80 · Topics: 4
Posted by Seraphlight
Well I am so impressed with your life style changes. I really admire that! Martial arts sounds interesting. You sound interesting you won't be alone for long. And learning to 'feel' new and different ..it will come ..Happy Christmas. You'll have a great new year :-)
I had to punish myself for making a Scorpio go silent on me.

She won't tell me why 😢 No reply to emails and bard me from visiting her, blocked me on fb. 😢

I have grown spiritually as well.

Every time I go cycling or walking, I reach my destination before turning back home no matter what.

That includes marching on through freezing rain, high wind, etc.

Tell you one of that day when I kept going even when it was raining hard and temperature was freezing. I just told myself that I must complete what I set out to achieve. That was my fire. Hands were numb, could not feel my toes, clothes all wet, but kept going.

And know what?? the sun decided to show up at my destination and I knew I passed my test. And I also learned that this as a lesson which I need to apply in all aspects of my life.

And also, when I was just about to return back, there was a rainbow. It was so magical, it lasted just few seconds.

Thank you for your lovely comment. I am waiting for her return. I know she will. Don't ask me how, I just know. 🙂
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