I got a respond...............

My friends told me to give up on him and that he is no good.
I didn't listen because I know they don?t understand him. Reading the post
had help to understand him, thanks everyone. That is the only reason I been hanging on this long.

Finally he responded to my e-mail, and it blew me away. He said he has a lot of things that he dealing with and told me he cares about me and I'm a great person.
Goes on to say, who knows the future (with a wink).

Is he opening up honestly to me or he is keeping me hanging because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? Is this worth the patience?

I think that he is telling you like it is. He has to deal with stuff before he can commit, and that he truly cares for you. It's up to you now, if you want to wait it out or carry on. If you love him, the waiting it out shouldn't be that hard, with the knowledge that he will be there when he comes out of it. If you can't wait, then best let him know that you are moving on.

Maybe the truth could be I am second choice just in case he fined someone better.

I don't fall in love easily, if I did, I would be in a relationship right now.

I told him that care about him. His responds, he is at a crazy time in life and it is hard not to be able to give people what they want and who knows the future.

I can see where my friend is coming from. The last 2 years I had a lot to deal with and never dated during those times. But if someone comes up to me and say hey I care a great deal about you, I would be more than welcome to have that person in my life. But I haven?t found anyone yet, but if I did I?m willing to give it a try.

I've read your posts Daydreamer about you and your Mr. T. and about his e-mails etc. and yours to him.....................

To be brutally honest, and I don't want to sound cruel or too insensitive - but the line "I'm going through a lot of stuff at the moment" well, it just doesn't sit well with me!!!.......unless someone is dealing with a life-threatening illness themselves or that a close family member!, then the "going through alot of stuff" fluff-line is just that....it's fudging, hedging for time, leaving the gate open, sitting on the fence stuffy! If someone really wants to be with you, then they will be with you, come hell or high water.....no waiting to sort themselves out or saying....you never know what the future holds.....

I am sure he does care for you and of course you are a great person.....but great people though don't put their lives on hold for anyone....I'd give him an "nice" ultimatum....You want to be in my world, fine.......if you don't, equally fine" and then I'd leave it at that...............and go do your own thing.
I was married to a taurean for 10 years, I know how they operate.......when you go, the good memories and the loss of what they once had with that special person kick in mighty fast.....and they return very quickly.........

So, Daydreamer.......remember you can't wait round forever......coz tomorrow ain't promised to any of us (as 50 cents would sing):-)

I wish you the very best DD.

Alana x

I agree with Alana. Unless it's very important thing such as life threatening or something, it's not worth anything saying like that.

But Al, I hardly doubt that people really get that deep with understanding their behaviours. What do you think?

*with understanding their own behaviours

Oh no I'm not sitting around waiting for him. That is just his response.

I just said to him when and if he is ready to have a relationship- I'm ready to give it to him. That doesn't mean I'm not ready to give to someone else.

It's not like that Daydreamer.

His words are in contradiction. From one side he says that you are a great person which means that you are important for him and from another side he acts like you are not really important for him. This kind of behaviour creates many suspicions that brings to conclusion to shoot him away (in Alana's and mine opinion of course).

What I said to Alana was that are people really understand that deep what they say or not?

From what I read on the Taurus board........
most of the advice given back is to be patience with Taurus and give them space to sort things out. It is suppose to be normal for Taurus to hide away for whatever reasons and resurface once they are better.

Gee I wonder where I got the idea to be patience with him and now I'm getting different advice....go figure!

"That doesn't mean I'm not ready to give to someone else" - hey now that's the kind of attitude I like to hear Daydreamer - that's very much what I like to hear:-)

"I just said to him when and if he is ready to have a relationship- I'm ready to give it to him" - I don't mean to nitpick or analyse too deeply but the above statement......when he's ready, you will be there......again this is all about HIM, everything seems to be on HIS terms.....when and if HE feels ready......I think this is very noble and loving of you.....but I don't think it's good to give this signal to this guy, any guy for that matter! - no matter how much you love or want to be with him.

If someone said this to me the above, (this is just me personally) - I would tend to think I could come and go and do with them what and whenever I wished or desired.....always there for me, devoted to me, willing to wait, at my beck and call....but when someone gives me an stern-ish! ultimatum like - this is the way I want things and I don't intend to wait around for you!.....I will rebel at first....but deep down I respect them because I know they won't put up with any blulshit!!! from me.

Haffo.....you and me agreeing.......now that's a first:-) or maybe a second!!!:-)
You're probably right H........people just don't understand that deeply their own, or anyone elses behaviour for that matter......and maybe it's just as well we don't - probably all end up in the nuthouse if we got to the bottom of our true motivations in life!!

Alana x

Daydreamer

Do you know that you act like a mother for him?

Alana

"probably all end up in the nuthouse if we got to the bottom of our true motivations in life!!"

True motivations!!! That's interesting. I just suppose that if his true motivation about this matter would be not seeking a mother, then he would act as he should be. Love affairs aren't for passive lovers.

I wrote in the letter that I gave him; he and I can not have any more casual sex encounters for I like to value and cherish people in my life. And goes on to say, it is his decisions weather he wants a relationship with me, but I don?t want anymore games.

I made it clear to him. He is not getting anything out of me unless he takes me serious. I don?t think he has to response to my letter, if sex was the only things he wanted.

I do believe he is enduring some hardship. He told me about some of the things that were going on in his life, but I don?t know the whole story.

He is dear of my mine and being a Pisces, something I?m too sympathetic and understanding for my own good. But my life is not put on hold for sure!

Good girl Daydreamer.

Now sit wait and let him to lift his own weight.

Haffo, you of all people who is a Pisces would a little more understnading of people behaviors.

I'm far from being his mother. The mother role doesn't suit me well. I'm better as a supporter and a freind.

Being supporter when things go 50/50 is Okish. But in your situation, it pretty obvious that it's not 50/50 for you. It simply comes to mothering because only mother loves her child without expecting anything in back. You are not his mother.

Hello Haffo,

No, I do not cook or clean for him and I don't go out of my ways to anything for him.

All I did was put the ball in his court and waiting to see if he wants to play.

And no, I do not regret writing the letter about confessing my feelings to him. It is merely a stepping stone for me to being a more open and honest person. The most important thing out of all this is my conscience is clear and I am no longer afraid of rejection for rejection was my biggest phobia.

When I said you mother him, I didn't mean that you cook or clean or something similair i.e. physical for him. I mean emotionally. It's obvious that he do not respond to you with same care and responsibility as you give to him. Actually he gives no real attention to you. He expects you to give him attention and therefore feel loved. This is very SELFISH and unfair for person who wants to love him. Love affairs are based on 50/50 attention, care and responsibility from BOTH sides. Love affairs cannot be PASSIVE as this is exactly what he tries to do. Active loving is when he do something according or beyound your need or understanding. Not when he EXPECT something from you. Do you see the difference?

Putting the ball to his court IS GREAT. Because you SHOW your own responsibility to him on your part which is also genuinely an integral part of your LOVE to him. If he really cares for you, he WILL change. I don't know how long it will take for him, but at least he will have a DESIRE to do so.

Just don't let such emotional suckers to feed upon you.

Thank you for your concern.

Sometime I make spontaneous decisions which I should learn to control.
I might have gave him an ego boost but it doesn?t bother me none.
I don?t disregard people because they don?t feel the same way as I do. I am very understanding and empathic.
I?m still smiling and going on with life. He might be drowning in his rut that he can?t get out of (Whatever that maybe).

Let say all your life, you only had seen or been in an unhealthy relationship, weather it is friend, family, or lovers?it becomes a comfort zone and familiarity. When someone come along and offer you a beautiful and magical relationship—you would freak out because it is out of the norm to you. I think you would scratch your head and say I think I need time to think about this.......

Of course, if the case is deep as what I just said??he is having turmoil within himself or I?m I too understanding too reasoning?