Women who have wanted to be mothers since a young age

Did you suffer from depression/self esteem issues before you had children, and were those issues solved once you had children?

I’m trying really hard to see it this way.

Backstory:

My childhood libra friend recently told me she’s planning to have a baby next year. This is the same libra who was numbing her problems out with alcohol, but she’s sober now so I’m proud of her in that regard.

The thing I’m concerned about is she is convinced having a baby will make her depression and self esteem issues go away.

I told her she should see a therapist because they teach you coping mechanisms and what not, but she is too scared to go to therapy and instead thinks a baby is the solution. She’s currently struggling to pay off student loans but she thinks she can afford a baby.

I’m also concerned because she seems to think a baby is the golden ticket to getting spoiled by her fiancés parents. She’s currently upset because they wouldn’t buy her a car like they bought her future sister-in-law a car, but she thinks they’ll buy it for her if she has a baby to tote around.

Originally this was her plan a few years ago, but I called her out and said it was wrong. She lashed out at me, but a year later came back saying I was right. But not much has changed for her between now and several years ago.

I just don’t want to call her out on it again because she is the lowest I’ve ever seen her and I don’t want to strip her of her hope if she really believes a baby will help.

Which is why I would like the perspective of mothers who’s mental health was improved by having children.

Omg she should honestly be one of the last people bringing a baby into this world with her mentality. She’s literally living in hopes that a baby will bring her a car from her potential future in-laws!

How old is she?

I feel like women have an unrealistic expectation of pregnancy, birth, and that first 2 years. Its painted out to be magical and lovely and shit when the reality is your pretty likely to shit on your kid as you push him out.

My nephew ripped my sister clit to anus. He is over 1 year and she is still going to physical therapy. Sex is painful for her. She went through horrible post-partum depression. Her man tried to help but when they are that young they aren't crying for daddies titty so there is only so much your dude can help with. Its all on you to keep the little one alive.

I'm confused by the math of having a baby to get a car. Like babies are really expensive. Just with what she'll spend at the hospital to have the fucker she can get a new car instead, or at least have a good down payment.

But at the end of the day its her life and if she wants a baby theres no time like the present.

No one is ever truly ready to be a parent, you just step up to the challenge when its time.

Well sometimes having a baby will make one grow up super fast, & they will be a great mom. I have seen it. But, other times nope.

She doesn’t need to be having a kid now, especially for her reasons. She obviously has no clue how expensive kids are & that life changes forever. I’m not sure anything you say will make a difference though..

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Well sometimes having a baby will make one grow up super fast, & they will be a great mom. I have seen it. But, other times nope.

She doesn’t need to be having a kid now, especially for her reasons. She obviously has no clue how expensive kids are & that life changes forever. I’m not sure anything you say will make a difference though..

I think she thinks her fiancés parents will cover a significant portion of the expenses, and that his mom can babysit so she can pursue her life.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Well sometimes having a baby will make one grow up super fast, & they will be a great mom. I have seen it. But, other times nope.

She doesn’t need to be having a kid now, especially for her reasons. She obviously has no clue how expensive kids are & that life changes forever. I’m not sure anything you say will make a difference though..

I think she thinks her fiancés parents will cover a significant portion of the expenses, and that his mom can babysit so she can pursue her life.

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Oh boy that could be a big gamble. And what if she’s wrong?

Posted by Whorpio

Did you suffer from depression/self esteem issues before you had children, and were those issues solved once you had children?

I’m trying really hard to see it this way.

Backstory:

My childhood libra friend recently told me she’s planning to have a baby next year. This is the same libra who was numbing her problems out with alcohol, but she’s sober now so I’m proud of her in that regard.

The thing I’m concerned about is she is convinced having a baby will make her depression and self esteem issues go away.

I told her she should see a therapist because they teach you coping mechanisms and what not, but she is too scared to go to therapy and instead thinks a baby is the solution. She’s currently struggling to pay off student loans but she thinks she can afford a baby.

I’m also concerned because she seems to think a baby is the golden ticket to getting spoiled by her fiancés parents. She’s currently upset because they wouldn’t buy her a car like they bought her future sister-in-law a car, but she thinks they’ll buy it for her if she has a baby to tote around.

Originally this was her plan a few years ago, but I called her out and said it was wrong. She lashed out at me, but a year later came back saying I was right. But not much has changed for her between now and several years ago.

I just don’t want to call her out on it again because she is the lowest I’ve ever seen her and I don’t want to strip her of her hope if she really believes a baby will help.

Which is why I would like the perspective of mothers who’s mental health was improved by having children.

This is gross. Your friend is a terrible human being, wanting to have a child just for material gains. This makes her no different from those parents who have dozens of kids or foster kids just for the welfare cheque.

Posted by PhoenixStorm

Babies are amazing life changers but having a baby would probably make her depression worse. It throws your hormone levels out of whack, you gain weight, you feel miserable physically, self esteem tanks and there is just way more than what meets the eye.. I struggled a lot with depression after having my son and just now starting to get myself back 5 years later. Furthermore, she cannot and will not be a good caregiver to a child if she cannot or will not take the time to care for herself FIRST.

I was thinking, postnatal depression.

Idk what it is with some leebs



They'll have two husbands, children, house and divorce. All by 30

With much grace and positivity

@gobby @arielle83 @marai

I guess I’ll say something when she gets her birth control removed next year (I don’t want to say something now because maybe something could happen before next year than changes her mind).

It’s just hard having these confrontations with her because she’ll end our friendship (which I’m always fine with) but after a significant amount of time as passed she’ll randomly call me crying saying there’s no other [whorpios] out there and no one understands her like I do. It’s the return that always taxes my energy sources so I’d rather not do something that will lead to that again. I’m trying to break the pattern.

Posted by Ram416

This is gross. Your friend is a terrible human being, wanting to have a child just for material gains. This makes her no different from those parents who have dozens of kids or foster kids just for the welfare cheque.

Last time I pointed that out she called me a gold digger and said I have no room to talk. I was like “bish at least I don’t need to have a baby to get what I want”. I didn’t actually say that but I was thinking it.

But I also think she genuinely wants a child. She loves kids, especially babies, and she helped raise her younger sisters. So I’m torn between believing maybe a baby can help and thinking it’s a terrible idea.

Posted by tiziani

I'd have a kid for the free labour tbh. If that makes me a bad human being, so be it. But then you have to hang tight for the first five years where you can't put them to work.

That’s one of the selling points my boyfriend tried to use to convince me to have kids. But what happens if you have a bratty one who doesn’t want to do shit?

Posted by tiziani

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by tiziani

I'd have a kid for the free labour tbh. If that makes me a bad human being, so be it. But then you have to hang tight for the first five years where you can't put them to work.

Haven’t had to do more than a few dishes in years and it’s a sweet life.

I'd probably make them chop firewood.

Then the PTA meetings would say "you can't put an axe in a child's hands"

"nonsense, he's fine. Look at him swinging away with that thing."

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Sending them up chimneys?

Posted by tiziani

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by tiziani

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by tiziani

I'd have a kid for the free labour tbh. If that makes me a bad human being, so be it. But then you have to hang tight for the first five years where you can't put them to work.

Haven’t had to do more than a few dishes in years and it’s a sweet life.

I'd probably make them chop firewood.

Then the PTA meetings would say "you can't put an axe in a child's hands"

"nonsense, he's fine. Look at him swinging away with that thing."

Sending them up chimneys?

With all the firewood we sell, then hopefully we'll be able to afford a chimney.

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Luxury!

Posted by Whorpio

@gobby @arielle83 @marai

I guess I’ll say something when she gets her birth control removed next year (I don’t want to say something now because maybe something could happen before next year than changes her mind).

It’s just hard having these confrontations with her because she’ll end our friendship (which I’m always fine with) but after a significant amount of time as passed she’ll randomly call me crying saying there’s no other [whorpios] out there and no one understands her like I do. It’s the return that always taxes my energy sources so I’d rather not do something that will lead to that again. I’m trying to break the pattern.

The reality is that you need to feel important by telling others how to live their life.

If you truly wanted to break the pattern, you'd actually end the friendship (which you're always fine with) and ignore her, so that there is no opportunity for her to come back.

Posted by _Dazed The reality is that you need to feel important by telling others how to live their life.

If you truly wanted to break the pattern, you'd actually end the friendship (which you're always fine with) and ignore her, so that there is no opportunity for her to come back.

If she was anyone else I would end this friendship. But I genuinely believe her when she says I’m the only person who understands her, and I’d feel bad if I removed myself from her life, especially since she does have depression and suicidal thoughts. What if she ends up killing her self because she feels alone? To me that’s a sadder ending than 1) letting the pattern continue or 2) me avoiding any confrontations to catalyze the pattern.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by _Dazed The reality is that you need to feel important by telling others how to live their life.

If you truly wanted to break the pattern, you'd actually end the friendship (which you're always fine with) and ignore her, so that there is no opportunity for her to come back.

If she was anyone else I would end this friendship. But I genuinely believe her when she says I’m the only person who understands her, and I’d feel bad if I removed myself from her life, especially since she does have depression and suicidal thoughts. What if she ends up killing her self because she feels alone? To me that’s a sadder ending than 1) letting the pattern continue or 2) me avoiding any confrontations to catalyze the pattern.

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Which is it? You're fine with ending the friendship? Or you're not?

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by WhorpioIf she was anyone else I would end this friendship. But I genuinely believe her when she says I’m the only person who understands her, and I’d feel bad if I removed myself from her life, especially since she does have depression and suicidal thoughts. What if she ends up killing her self because she feels alone? To me that’s a sadder ending than 1) letting the pattern continue or 2) me avoiding any confrontations to catalyze the pattern.

Which is it? You're fine with ending the friendship? Or you're not?

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I’d be fine under the condition that she went on to live a happy life and never came back.

But history repeats itself so if she’s just going to come back I’m not fine with the friendship ending.

some young girls have strong baby instincts. It's just natural instinct.

And I also think it's probably tied with the instinct of being a bratty bitch and a gold digger

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by WhorpioIf she was anyone else I would end this friendship. But I genuinely believe her when she says I’m the only person who understands her, and I’d feel bad if I removed myself from her life, especially since she does have depression and suicidal thoughts. What if she ends up killing her self because she feels alone? To me that’s a sadder ending than 1) letting the pattern continue or 2) me avoiding any confrontations to catalyze the pattern.

Which is it? You're fine with ending the friendship? Or you're not?

I’d be fine under the condition that she went on to live a happy life and never came back.

But history repeats itself so if she’s just going to come back I’m not fine with the friendship ending.

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1. You end the friendship and she kills herself because she's lonely without you and a child.

2. You don't end the friendship, she has a baby (because ultimately it's her decision), and you end up ending the friendship anyways because she needs your help now to babysit.. and she kills herself, there by leaving a baby without it's mother.

Tough choice.

Posted by _Dazed

1. You end the friendship and she kills herself because she's lonely without you and a child.

2. You don't end the friendship, she has a baby (because ultimately it's her decision), and you end up ending the friendship anyways because she needs your help now to babysit.. and she kills herself, there by leaving a baby without it's mother.

Tough choice.

#2 isn’t likely to happen because I live 900 miles away from her, so idk why she’d ask me to babysit. Plus she makes it seem like her fiancés mom will always be available for child care.

But like I said once her birth control expires next year and she gets it removed I’ll say something if she doesn’t replace it.

I really hope she doesn't get pregnant....

Anyone that thinks a baby will fix them or heal their mental health issues is very naive.

The chances are the issues could be exacerbated.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Whorpio

@gobby @arielle83 @marai

I guess I’ll say something when she gets her birth control removed next year (I don’t want to say something now because maybe something could happen before next year than changes her mind).

It’s just hard having these confrontations with her because she’ll end our friendship (which I’m always fine with) but after a significant amount of time as passed she’ll randomly call me crying saying there’s no other [whorpios] out there and no one understands her like I do. It’s the return that always taxes my energy sources so I’d rather not do something that will lead to that again. I’m trying to break the pattern.

Are you friends because of the history?

Or because she needs you?

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The second option 😬

But she thinks we need to be friends because of history. She’s mentioned how it would be unnatural for us not to be friends.

Posted by Arielle83 Maybe.

Or you’ll outgrow her

I already have outgrown her. She thinks I still like the same things I liked in high school because she never asks what I like now (and I guess since we don’t see each other often anymore it’s hard for her to make observations on what I like).

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by _Dazed The reality is that you need to feel important by telling others how to live their life.

If you truly wanted to break the pattern, you'd actually end the friendship (which you're always fine with) and ignore her, so that there is no opportunity for her to come back.

If she was anyone else I would end this friendship. But I genuinely believe her when she says I’m the only person who understands her, and I’d feel bad if I removed myself from her life, especially since she does have depression and suicidal thoughts. What if she ends up killing her self because she feels alone? To me that’s a sadder ending than 1) letting the pattern continue or 2) me avoiding any confrontations to catalyze the pattern.

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Do you think she's mentally capable of having and raising a child?

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Arielle83 Maybe.

Or you’ll outgrow her

I already have outgrown her. She thinks I still like the same things I liked in high school because she never asks what I like now (and I guess since we don’t see each other often anymore it’s hard for her to make observations on what I like).

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Then it's time to cut the cord. Sometimes you have to learn to accept that there are some things you cannot change. If and when she goes ahead to have a child, and does have one, you will become obligated to see to the welfare of the child. Do you think that's fair to you?

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Ram416

This is gross. Your friend is a terrible human being, wanting to have a child just for material gains. This makes her no different from those parents who have dozens of kids or foster kids just for the welfare cheque.

Last time I pointed that out she called me a gold digger and said I have no room to talk. I was like “bish at least I don’t need to have a baby to get what I want”. I didn’t actually say that but I was thinking it.

But I also think she genuinely wants a child. She loves kids, especially babies, and she helped raise her younger sisters. So I’m torn between believing maybe a baby can help and thinking it’s a terrible idea.

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That is the difference between fantasy and reality. Helping to raise siblings is very different from raising your own child that you carried for 9 months.

Posted by Ram416 Then it's time to cut the cord. Sometimes you have to learn to accept that there are some things you cannot change. If and when she goes ahead to have a child, and does have one, you will become obligated to see to the welfare of the child. Do you think that's fair to you?

I think her fiancés parents would be moreso seeing the welfare of it. I would be worried about her smoking weed and drinking while pregnant though, since the parents aren’t around for those kind of activities. I like to think she isn’t the type to do those while pregnant, but if she falls into depression I know she’ll do anything she can to alter her state of mind.

That said, I don’t exactly think she is in the right state of mind. Maybe I’m just hoping the baby would make her happy so I can have my opportunity to leave without worrying about her mental health.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Ram416 Then it's time to cut the cord. Sometimes you have to learn to accept that there are some things you cannot change. If and when she goes ahead to have a child, and does have one, you will become obligated to see to the welfare of the child. Do you think that's fair to you?

I think her fiancés parents would be moreso seeing the welfare of it. I would be worried about her smoking weed and drinking while pregnant though, since the parents aren’t around for those kind of activities. I like to think she isn’t the type to do those while pregnant, but if she falls into depression I know she’ll do anything she can to alter her state of mind.

That said, I don’t exactly think she is in the right state of mind. Maybe I’m just hoping the baby would make her happy so I can have my opportunity to leave without worrying about her mental health.

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Financial welfare yes. Emotionally the child will still need a mother, grandparents can provide only so much. I have seen what happens when grandparents are left to take care of their grandchild and the mother is more or less absent.