Do any other Virgos do this passive attention seeking thing?

And why? Why not be direct? Virgo guy and I are sort of half-assed talking again after a year and a half of not talking at all. But instead of just stopping me to say hello, or even calling or texting he will do weird little things that seem as if they
  • And why? Why not be direct?

    Virgo guy and I are sort of half-assed talking again after a year and a half of not talking at all. But instead of just stopping me to say hello, or even calling or texting he will do weird little things that seem as if they are designed to get my attention. Sometimes I will reach out and be like “yes, I see you” and he'll laugh and then we will have a conversation. But he will only be the first to reach out if I ignore his attention getting behavior for a long period of time.

    Examples, if I’m in my car in the parking lot he’ll make a point to drive by really slowly and make eye contact. Or he’ll delete me from the messenger app at work and then re-add me as a contact. You are notified whenever someone adds you as a contact and he’s worked here 15 years so he definitely knows that. He’ll stand at his desk and make eye contact until I have passed by.

    I suppose this is a step up from refusing to speak to me at all, and honestly while it used to work I’m kind of over it and I’ve just been ignoring the behavior. It just becomes more and more blatant for a couple of weeks until he either steps up and starts a conversation or disappears from view for a few weeks.

    Is he looking for reassurance that I’m not going to disappear again? Is it an ego boost thing? Curious behavior.
  • Unevolved Virgos are not worth the headache.
  • Posted by EveryOunce
    Unevolved Virgos are not worth the headache.


    I see that term used a lot here but what is the definition of unevolved? For awhile we were pretty close and he really started to open up. But since our fall out he's been like this. Always seems really excited to hear from me, but really hesitant to reach out first, and he does not open up in any way whatsoever. He will ask me a million personal questions, but if I ask him anything he's suddenly got somewhere else to be.

  • Damnata
    Best PIMP this side of the Atlantic.
    29 years old female
    Posted by CybeleRising
    Is he looking for reassurance that I’m not going to disappear again?


    *raises eyebrows*

  • Posted by Damnata
    Posted by CybeleRising
    Is he looking for reassurance that I’m not going to disappear again?


    *raises eyebrows*

    click to expand


    *sighs* ok maybe that was a stupid question

    I miss my friend, I miss this guy in my daily life - and I just wish I could set this right again
  • TheLadyScorpio
    She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
    from a figment of your imagination.
    Why did you disappear on him in the past ?

    Virgents, some of them, are very elusive / passive aggressive and cannot for the life of them demonstrate what they want until they have sorted out whatever it is in their head, in order to find the confirmation they need. It could be the silliest of things or it may not be, you will never know.

    Therefore CybeleRising, to bypass this, approach him and directly say what you have to say, tell him what you had noticed, ask him what he wants. Be friendly about it, but direct.
  • Posted by TheLadyScorpio
    Why did you disappear on him in the past ?

    Virgents, some of them, are very elusive / passive aggressive and cannot for the life of them demonstrate what they want until they have sorted out whatever it is in their head, in order to find the confirmation they need. It could be the silliest of things or it may not be, you will never know.

    Therefore CybeleRising, to bypass this, approach him and directly say what you have to say, tell him what you had noticed, ask him what he wants. Be friendly about it, but direct.


    We were friends for a long time, things started going in a different direction after a mutual confession of interest. There was a lot of hot and cold behavior on both sides and instead of talking about it we were just ignoring it. Pursue, hide, pursue, ignore, pursue, push away…it went that way for a long time before I gave up. We tried to just be friends for a while but that was equally as confusing as we went from being close to him putting up impenetrable walls. And it hurt, so to save us both any more pain I stopped all contact and asked him to do the same. We didn’t talk at all for six months and after that it turned into a couple of words here and there for a year or so. Now we’ve been talking again more regularly, but it’s like I said he will get my attention but doesn’t seem to want to be the one to approach and definitely is not letting down any walls. I’m wondering if he ever will.
  • TheLadyScorpio
    She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
    from a figment of your imagination.
    Posted by CybeleRising
    Posted by TheLadyScorpio
    Why did you disappear on him in the past ?

    Virgents, some of them, are very elusive / passive aggressive and cannot for the life of them demonstrate what they want until they have sorted out whatever it is in their head, in order to find the confirmation they need. It could be the silliest of things or it may not be, you will never know.

    Therefore CybeleRising, to bypass this, approach him and directly say what you have to say, tell him what you had noticed, ask him what he wants. Be friendly about it, but direct.


    We were friends for a long time, things started going in a different direction after a mutual confession of interest. There was a lot of hot and cold behavior on both sides and instead of talking about it we were just ignoring it. Pursue, hide, pursue, ignore, pursue, push away…it went that way for a long time before I gave up. We tried to just be friends for a while but that was equally as confusing as we went from being close to him putting up impenetrable walls. And it hurt, so to save us both any more pain I stopped all contact and asked him to do the same. We didn’t talk at all for six months and after that it turned into a couple of words here and there for a year or so. Now we’ve been talking again more regularly, but it’s like I said he will get my attention but doesn’t seem to want to be the one to approach and definitely is not letting down any walls. I’m wondering if he ever will.
    click to expand


    Simple, either you step up or he will. There is no room for pride or egos.

    If either of you, care enough for each other. Sit down, and have an honest talk about your feelings. Confirm the emotions of the other, discuss whether or not the both of you would wish to take it further.

    ... et voilà.

    It is not at all complicated.
  • Posted by CybeleRising
    Posted by EveryOunce
    Unevolved Virgos are not worth the headache.


    I see that term used a lot here but what is the definition of unevolved? For awhile we were pretty close and he really started to open up. But since our fall out he's been like this. Always seems really excited to hear from me, but really hesitant to reach out first, and he does not open up in any way whatsoever. He will ask me a million personal questions, but if I ask him anything he's suddenly got somewhere else to be.

    click to expand


    http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/astrology-101-the-evolution-of-your-sign/profile-of-an-unevolved-virgo/
  • Lilianni
    ?
    female from USA
    Since you guys are starting to see each other again after a "break up", I'm guessing he still harbors hurt feelings which is why he's so passive aggressive. Him deleting and adding you back is to make a point about how he still thinks about you but hates you (childish I know) or he doesn't want you but changed his mind. When he talks to you directly after you confronting him, its just him following normal social protocol-you talk to him, he talks to you.
  • Posted by Lilianni
    Since you guys are starting to see each other again after a "break up", I'm guessing he still harbors hurt feelings which is why he's so passive aggressive. Him deleting and adding you back is to make a point about how he still thinks about you but hates you (childish I know) or he doesn't want you but changed his mind. When he talks to you directly after you confronting him, its just him following normal social protocol-you talk to him, he talks to you.


    I have actually thought this might be the case, that he is just being polite by responding and doesn't really want to rebuild the friendship. But if I ignore the passive, attention seeking sort of behavior and don't reach out to him when he does it, he will always end up reaching out to me within a day or two. He wants to talk, he just doesn't seem to be ready to let me in and seems a lot more comfortable if I do the initiating. And that's understandable, I imagine it will take a lot of consistency and patience on my part to have any chance of rebuilding the friendship to what it was before. I just don't want to set a precedent that I am always the one the reach out, he always seemed comfortable with me and I want to help him feel comfortable again.

  • Lilianni
    ?
    female from USA
    Posted by CybeleRising
    Posted by Lilianni
    Since you guys are starting to see each other again after a "break up", I'm guessing he still harbors hurt feelings which is why he's so passive aggressive. Him deleting and adding you back is to make a point about how he still thinks about you but hates you (childish I know) or he doesn't want you but changed his mind. When he talks to you directly after you confronting him, its just him following normal social protocol-you talk to him, he talks to you.


    I have actually thought this might be the case, that he is just being polite by responding and doesn't really want to rebuild the friendship. But if I ignore the passive, attention seeking sort of behavior and don't reach out to him when he does it, he will always end up reaching out to me within a day or two. He wants to talk, he just doesn't seem to be ready to let me in and seems a lot more comfortable if I do the initiating. And that's understandable, I imagine it will take a lot of consistency and patience on my part to have any chance of rebuilding the friendship to what it was before. I just don't want to set a precedent that I am always the one the reach out, he always seemed comfortable with me and I want to help him feel comfortable again.

    click to expand

    Yeah, I imagine it would require A Lot of consistency. Ultimately its up to him to feel comfortable, and once he is, he'd feel more comfortable being the one to reach out to You
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