Got a DOOZY

So I was thinking in the future aspect of where I may or may not want to move when I'm done school getting my degree. I brought it up with my Virgal, Cali was a choice, a few of my friends have moved out there, Colorado another, or somewhere down south. My Virgal immediately stated that she would only move to Cali after graduate school, (psych major, but she just finished her first semester in community college, she's got a ways to go) and if I put a ring on her finger, specifically stated a diamond which I didn't particularly enjoy hearing as I felt it was a tad demanding. Especially this early in the relationship. She stated in the beginning that she has no desire to have children or get married. So, naturally I asked what the difference was between a diamond ring on her finger and an engagement ring. She then came up with this illogical statement that she wants to have a dream wedding but not exchange vows and have no legal binding contract. Which makes no sense to me, and she made it seem as though I'm the weird one for never hearing of it. I'm rather conservative with marriage and rings on fingers, if I'm putting a diamond ring on your finger, your ass BETTER be marrying me, cuz the only other thing I can think of is a promise ring but that just seems so juvenile! As for the plans of moving to Cali or wherever, these plans had been bouncing around in my head since years before we started dating, and it also depends on where my career takes me. I feel like a total asshole saying this, but I'm not gonna stay around waiting for her to finish graduate school which is years down the road, and she made mention of if a cali move happened, it'd put a strain on our relationship. Honestly, I don't do long distance relationships. If I move to Cali without her, I'm not maintaining a relationship with her when I'm on the west coast and she's on the east coast. I don't see that as fair to either of us, especially if she doesn't want what I want on the long term.

Posted by capinc
Why is this a doozy and what are you even asking?

I guess at the time I was perturbed still.

you mentioned you two have only been dating a short time? How short exactly?

Posted by GenethliacLover66
Hmmm okay. Just because she doesn't desire it doesn't mean she wont do it for you. She might marry you sometime down the line, but marrying you isn't ideal to her which I understand. You say you are more traditional and more committed, but you're fooling yourself. She doesn't want to marry you because she doesn't fully trust you. She wants a fairy tale relationship it seems like, but she knows she can't get that with you. However, she's still very committed to you, and to me it seems like she is practically begging you for the same kind of commitment, but it's just not happening. I'd advise her to stop hoping. I don't really have advice for you. Wait, yes I do. You can't just say "let's move to this place". You have to have a plan of action if you want a virgo to listen.

Ok I gotcha. To be honest, I wasn't really adding her into my plans of moving. We argue a lot, and her ideas on marriage and such make me feel as though the relationship has no future. 😢 This move idea wouldn't happen til after I get my BA. That's 2 or more years down the line and no one can really project whether or not we'll still be together by then. (we argue a lot, but are crazy about each other) I see where you're coming from, but I feel as though I can't change those types of views within myself when they were instilled in me from the way I was raised, and that I would really like to have kid(s) someday. You're right, her devotion is unmatched, but I just don't believe in the fairy tale relationship anymore. I used to, but I think I'm too emotionally damaged from past relationships to let myself be that vulnerable again. My bad, I didn't pose a question did I? I was more looking for opinions of other people to try n gain a different perspective on the situation.

Posted by Peanutbutter
you mentioned you two have only been dating a short time? How short exactly?

3 months I believe. I know it is WAY too early for these types of talks, but it was brought up because of a facebook status update I made publicly asking my out of state friends what they would suggest an area to move to outside my home state. A pipe dream, really. I'll have a BA in Computer Science, and as far as I know, I'd like to be away from Philadelphia, too many bad memories and drugs are taking over. It's an anywhere but here type of scenario.

You never know what can happen....3 months is just really to early to tell anything.