In Extremely deep pain

I have been 'friends' with a virgo since early 2006. Up until the end of August 2008, things were nice with us, and I /we were ABOUT to commit to each other. I am a Cap and so it took a long for both of us to make up minds.

In Sep. 2008, the virgo came across another cap at his work. Since then, he is distant to me, all of a sudden extremely nice on the surface ,but, you can't feel him. I knew in my heart that something did not seem right, that was confirmed by a common friend at his work who asked me if we were still together. When I inquired, the friend was hessitant initially,but, told me how the virgo behaves with that cap at their office coffee shop.

The problem is, since past 3 years, I have been extremely loyal to my virgo to the point I have not thought about any one else. The other cap girl, makes more money than me, has higher social status - or that's how she shows - than me and I can see the virgo can benefit a lot from her than from me. I can give him more emotions, less of the materialistic world. I am deeply wounded, since I am a loyal person, even if I want to, I can not forgive him for treating me like this after 3 years. He is doing exact same things of flirting to the new cap like he did with me. Both are flirting at a very high speed with each other, hardest thing is my virgo does not tell me to break it yet and kind of trying to use me to please her since both of us are caps- I think.

In my mind and heart, I have already broken it off, no way I am going back to him, my only question from life is, WHY? Why is this happening to me? I am a very loyal person and have never cheated on any one. I do not understand life's logic on why is it happening to me. Is it a testing time of our commitment? Where have I been wrong to misunderstand him in my heart? Should we never trust our heart? I will never be able to love any one with all my heart with this damage. I am not sure, when will I be ready to see some one new. Have not broken it off officially with him..

In terrific pain, do not know how to heal myself, or deal with this situation or should even try to get him back - just do not know.. Why me—

as hard as it is to hear the truth, furryleo is speaking just that.....

I dont think this is a Virgo thing, its a general male thing, if you're handing it out and he didnt have to commit? he's gonna take it isnt he? You need to stop giving what he wants, and have a talk to him, tell him that you believe he's after another chick and to give you the truth - one thing I know about MOST Virgos that I know, is that they are straight down the line, there's really not much grey areas and its pretty much black and white. You need to talk to him, not sit back and ask others (although yes this is the place where you can get some amazing advice from a lot of genuine people).

At the end of the day you have sat back for 3 years having a "thing" but there has been no label and you've been good with that but suddenly a new woman enters the territory and you're freaking out....I think its high time you asked where you're heading with him....if you're saying you're already out of it then you need to walk away from this disaster.

Should you go back? ummmm....talk with him, get the facts then make a decision.

You say you're heart broken which is awful (Ive been there many times myself) but the only thing to do is to keep unbelievably busy, go out with other friends and find a man that will suit your loyalty but dont go down that path again of giving everything for nothing. Its clear you want to be in a relationship by being a loyal partner so for the time being personally I would find out what the go is and then whichever way it pans out, keep busy, go out with friends, tell them that you need cheering up and that you need to hit the town and meet other guys.....If Virgo doesnt want to commit to you after 3 years, then its time he needs to be let go.

Personally, and I only speak for myself here as im not sure how other women feel about this but I cannot call a relationship "friends" although yes, friendship is the most important thing in a relationship....you're either friends without sex or you're lovers/partners/in a relationship....I dont think women are wired to have FWB (not for long anyway) and from what you write it would seem you have/had a FWB situation going on and any guy whose getting it without having to commit and he's that way inclined, isnt going to give that up til something better comes along.

Go and talk to him and lay it on the table is what I'd suggest

strange -- honey...

I sympathize with you as I experienced the very same situation as you. Don't blame yourself for anything; there is nothing you can change at this moment.

I hope you recover soon... it is easier said than ever done, but you need to get over him.
No writing of emails, no love announcements or anything else with help. HE for he is a virgo man and set up his mind you cannot change.

Perhaps in the future he will know what he had but some are just plain bastards and cowards to end offically!!!

It's not you, it's HIM!!!

forgive me virgos... I am talking about this (some) percent of virgos who choose silence when they leave a person and hope they just GET OVER IT as time passes. Another victim...

May be furryleo has a point.. I allowed him to USE me. that is what i feel at the moment. But I do not think he faked it all for 3 yrs. I felt he was emotionally involved too. If you know what telepathy means, that is what we had. At times I got up at midnights and he had called within 5 minutes - like a perfect synchronization of minds!
I do not think he faked all of it...I am not that stupid. If he faked some of it, my question is why did he lead me ON? He worked hard to impress me and get my attention using his charm and flirt to the point he copied my ways of doing things which I felt very special and unique.Was he all flirt without emotions? Still trying to cover up he did nothing or is doing nothing!

I am a very giving and dedicated person and do get attached to a person after a while and it takes longer for dettaching myself from someone.

Someone said, "until they get someone better"? What is a definition for it? Some one with more status or money? What about qualities? And what about emotions? What if a third person , yet better than his current object of affection comes in his life? What is a third person enters the life after they two are married? Would he replace the second person too? I mean, I believe only if you FEEL for someone and have emotions as a part of package, you won't look for "someone better".

I do not think, I will have the talk with him. I can not allow second chance in these matters for the above questions I am asking to myself, no matter how hard it will be on me. How can I trust some one who MAY always keep looking for "something yet better"? In my mind, they are just opportunists, not worth any thing.


Bastard word does not fit my heart, for once I have loved him more than me, I have just lost RESPECT for him, to me, respect comes before love.

I am angry on myself, may be on my stupidity for any thing if I have missed to notice in him, for my weakness of being extremely loyal which I thought was his priority too for life, for passing through all his tests and for him making me fail for believing in him and in us, for being able to interpret his subtle ways of doing things and responding to him which I thought was something that existed between the two of us only!!!


Still can't believe this is happening between us.

listen to what he has to say, even if it kills you... listen to all of it.. one day, you'l b happy that you bothered to find it out and from HIMSELF, not second sources.
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Even if I will try to talk it out, I won't be able to look into his eyes, for I have no respect for him.

I am going to keep quite.

Archer- yr first post made me almost cry for I have never felt this weak in my life....

what if he gets replaceD by someone someday exactly for the same reasons??

Hmmmm somebody better doesnt necessarily mean they are better in the sense of the word, just in the other person's mind/heart at the time....whether its excitement, looks, personality, or just the plain fact a person is bored in their current situation and looking for fun, enhancement, ego stroking.....

Again, I just say talk to him....Archer is right - you'll be doing yourself a HUGE favour by having that talk

whether its excitement, looks, personality, or just the plain fact a person is bored in their current situation and looking for fun, enhancement, ego stroking.....

*******
So are we saying after 10 yrs of marriage if i am 'bored'with current situation I will break off every thing that we worked hard to make it work and teardown shared memories, for 'excitment'?

I do not believe in those excitments...




Can't sleep... Tried hard for it...

Yes my dear that is exactly what people do and many a marriages have been torn to shreds because of one persons' boredom, need for something different and in most cases it is just that they thought "the grass was greener on the other side of the fence"......not all people are as loyal and thoughtful as yourself and yes its usually somebody like yourself that is hurt in the process....life isnt fair and I guess thats why so many people avoid marriage/commitment because they just know how easy it can be that the rug gets pulled out by one stupid act.

Its best you talk with that man of yours to find where you stand.

You should be taking extra care of yourself right now with rest, good nourishing food (you cant think/function properly if you eat badly and dont sleep). Get a friend to lend their shoulder/ear and get it off your chest...keep busy (cant say it enough coz I have been where you are a few times now).

he owes you an explanation, thats the least he can do.

**********

I meant whys in philosophical sense.

As for his 'explanation' , I am not curious to know the answer from him. Perhaps he was not as committed as I was and I somewhere along the course I could not notice his game playing. Lots of times accidently doing things of my liking and then disappearing and then reappearing and so many ways, sort of tricky to "trick' me in... When I was finally IN, he is out or en route to exit!

I will try not to beat myself up and will also try to accept something I can't control / I would not like to control. For my insticts, I think some day he will realize what he had, unfortunately it will be too late by then, in which both of us will suffer for whole life, before lack of real love. I see at this point he is after the "status" thing and more money. It's all deception of self, at both ends, seeing what they are doing to attract each other. Ours was slow , steady, pure, this is dramatic and going at high speed. Whatever, I do not need to analyze them, did not attend his call for this weekend plans..

One thing is sure, most virgos - not all- are very charming, dramatic, materialistic and shallow. They pretend they are good, in reality they are not, they do things to "look good" as opposed to actually being good. For their every move, they have multiple calculations and manipulations behind it, which is what I am realizing after a long time.
I also think, what comes around goes around, I bet some day life will present him the same situation he is putting me in today.

Yes my dear that is exactly what people do and many a marriages have been torn to shreds because of one persons' boredom, need for something different and in most cases it is just that they thought "the grass was greener on the other side of the fence"......not all people are as loyal and thoughtful as yourself and yes its usually somebody like yourself that is hurt in the process....life isnt fair and I guess thats why so many people avoid marriage/commitment because they just know how easy it can be that the rug gets pulled out by one stupid act.

**********

Thanks - I'll try to take care of self.

you said something very true above, that's exactly why people avoid commitment.
What if the "grass" does not turn out to be greener at the other end?

I would never put security of any thing in trouble for superficial wild dream for excitment. This side of him is totally new, never noticed, or he has changed or all of his burried fantasies are speaking out loud! You never know what is in their heads as some are born actors and masters of dramas!!!

One thing is sure, these types of events make us inconfident in self and make us question our own belief system..
He has caused me a great damage, he is taking me for granted and is going to get surprise from me. I doubt if the other cap has any idea, I do not think she would even sense any thing. I feel bad for her, who knows she may get replaced too some day, at this point I can't rain on their parade and will never do so. I will leave it to his "karma"...He will pay for his deeds and deceptions some day.

May be dogs are better than some people when it comes to loyalty.

"Perhaps he was not as committed as I was and I somewhere along the course I could not notice his game playing."


What the hell?


Just because an experience is over, doesn't mean he was playing games with you ... for 3 years, you felt special, you felt important.

You know, nothing is suppose to be forever ... life is about experiencing, enjoying and living to the fullest .. and then the experience is over.

We're suppose to have these so we have fond memories when we look back to see how we paved our road of life.

If you view every relationship as if it's suppose to be forever, in which it cannot be, and so this makes you wallow in this kind of gloom .. then this is all you will be able to see when you look back on your life.

Alls you will ever see is pain.

Why not walk away from this with your head held high, and your heart filled with happy memories of what you two shared?

Wouldn't that make your life worth more to live for?

Things end .... all things end, even the very breath we take.


Relationships with one person aren't suppose to be life-long ... this is why we see so many people in this same kind of distress you are in right now .... because instead of enjoying their moments, they are instead worried to death about counting time.


For 3 years, he made you feel wonderful ... isn't that something worth remembering, rather than this misery you are in now because you counted time rather than embracing moments?


And in reality ..... it's all speculation. Look how you've let yourself get right now .. completely emotionally out of control .. and without any proof of truth .. at all.


Think about that .... would a man really want a woman who is so insecure that she would allow herself to freak out over what could be nothing?

I agree, lk ... and it's very frustrating when women get theirselves all bent out of shape emotionally like this when it was only an imagining, a want ... without actually doing anything to get, and just hoping that it will all catch up one day. Because inevitably, we see exactly what we see here .. a broken heart because it jsut doesnt' work that way. A woman cannot trust in hopes that another's heart will catch up ....... two hearts are either one, or they are not ... they cannot be one in fantasy, and this be a foundation for a woman's heart to feel safe.


This always is so messed up.


They were friends, and the only thing to do now to make the past 3 years worth it ... is to change perspective.

Certainly, there was something in this experience worth honoring, worth remembering, worth loving ....... and then grow.

Just woke up. Was noce to be able to sleep.

P_angle and fl, it is no poo poo of commitment.. If my words are not enough to describe what we had, does not mean it was not commitment. It has reached at our family ends and both families think we are the one for each other, yet they do not know what is going on at the memonet. Both of you, please do not twist the truth.

angle has a point when she says every thing is not supposed to be forever. I agree and am learning to accept it.

--that you felt there was a relationship...and he really did not.
For most part he was the planner of things and at times had used his friends and family to get my attention, now is a complete U-turn at his part. I do not even notice people that fast, in particular in personal matter. In fact, lately we were into discussing wedding dates that will be most suitable for every one to attend. He had proposed once, I had accepted and then we had broken up once during this 3 yrs. We'd started it again after 4 months break and it was much better than before. I thought it was a test of time that both of us had passed. Things just changed , very recently with the entry of a new person into his group at work. Their field of work is very common.

-- your heart filled with happy memories of what you two shared?

I wish it was that easy, it is not..

6 Months mark sounds a good limit, but, believe me for virgos it is nothing, they need too much time. Slow and steady and then complete U-turn after wasting everyone's time.


--I agree with some points you made above; I'd say that MOST immature/young virgos go through the personality phase that you just described

Thanks for understanding, atlest some one admits having this behavior in virgos. They are subtle, very very charming, get into heads slowly and for long and have the potential to screwup well being. Again not all virgos, my father is a virgo too, he is the sincerest and loyal person I know. What about selfconciousness or a feeling of guilty for playing with others in emotional matters. He would use his family or freinds to make me do something he wanted to do and then pretend as if he did not know! I had learnt it at a later time, thought he was shy of emotions but seems he was playing it all ..Still not sure how much of he did was real vs fake.

Withing one month? effectively? That is fast, I remeber we were casual for about 4 months and then he had mentioned of dating officially. Physical in a month sounds fast for cap and virgo both. But, you never know, sometimes it may just click in a minute.

Do you two work together? I wish you good luck for that. It's good, both are comfortable with each other. Do you see yourself making a decision within 6 moths from now?

typo: within

I do not know about fire and all that stuff you are mentioning but I know virgo and cap are earth signs and are supposed to get along well. Fire is not that good, but, again I am no expert on astrology.

I meant commitment decision in 6 months. I do not think, I can ever do that, not sure for others.

I agree with what you said and that's how I think too. It involves 2 people not just one.

I think this board is very informative and has power to teach a lot about people irrespective of signs. I wish I had known it before. It would have saved me heartbreak.

"please do not twist the truth"


I have no idea what you are talking about.


You never pushed this guy for a commitment, while hoping in your head and heart that one would happen because of how loyal and dedicated you were to him ..... that is what I interpret as I read what you wrote.

Is that not what happened?


You kept saying "why me", and commenting on how loyal you were, and look what he did to you .... yet, you remained on the same level with him and only wished for it to go further.


This is what you described as happening ... how is that turning it into something else?

Or, perhaps what you meant was ..... if I'm not agreeing that he was a complete wanker, while you've remained harmless in this ... then it's not turning it around because that is what you want to hear.

Not only did you give yourself to a man unbeknownst to him with clarity of your feelings ......... you also, are breaking up with him without talking to him ... you said you aren't going to approach this with him, just bounce.

The whole problem is communication. You're not talking your feelings to this man .. and then feeling sorry for yourself.

This deep-seeded pity and sorrow is something that is talked about on the Cap board quite often ... it appears to be normal for Capricorns to wallow in their gloom, rather than face the reality of what causes this misery.

I would suggest you put up this topic over there, or just a thread addressing your defeatists attitude ... the girls over there who are Capricorns will surely pip in and tell you how they deal with the agony of self-defeat.

This is an inherent trait you are suffering with here ... it's very common for Cap women to feel like they've been shit on in this world when alls they ever done was to be there with dedication.


Go over there ....... the women over there will know exactly what you are talking about, for they too suffer the agonies of self-defeat on a daily basis.

I think the better part is that you have found this place. If you feel you need to share your feelings and pain, there will some who will be here for you. I've been through all this myself... so did skys, and I don't know of april's story, however, they may agree with me that as time passes, the pain gradually subsides....

I discussed and thought about my situation over and over and over and over again. I went on a longterm vacation. I couldn't work. I felt depressed. I cried everytime I went out to places we went before. I couldn't exercise. I couldn't watch romantic movies.

strange --- even if it takes a million times of discussing the same and thinking about your times over and over again of where it went wrong, you will find that you will feel better about yourself as time passes.

I wish I could hate virgo man myself but I can't.

So... take care of yourself.

AND fucking ignore this P-ANGEL she has no clue of how it feels like fucking bitch!

Unless I'm reading strangers post wrong or intepreting it wrong, he's a friend UNLESS he was/is a friend with benefits...I'm puzzled on why stranger is in pain and now that her virgo has chosen to flirt with another woman he's suddenly the bad guy...confused

".. if you feel that you need to talk to him about it .."



::: shakes head :::


You two are so hell-bent on being in defiance with anythign I say that you don't even comprehend what you read. You would encourage her, as if she has stated she wants to take this communication avenue ... when in fact, this is the avenue she does want to take.

She wants to ignore communicating with this man ... and you two think she does want to talk to him and so are telling her how to accomplish it.


She's a freaking Capricorn .... she just needs to wallow in her despair until she gets it out .. NOT talk to him.


lol ... you two are a hoot. You have this mission in place, only you don't even know where the place is.

Okay so since when did lovers have loyalty to one another and why was she not dating other men?? This wasn't a relationship, at least it seems it wasn't for him, I dunno, I'm not trying to be hard nor callous but it just seems strange has misintepreted things with this man plus she's not communicating her thoughts or ideas, she's choosing to slink off and sulk about it which means she knew and know that this wasn't a full on relationship so to save face she's choosing to brood in silence....I know she's hurt but I'm thinking she's mostly hurt by her own actions be letting her heart be with a man in hopes at some point he would feel the same way only to find out that her loyalty, her love is not reciprocal plus the time loss without reciprocation would make any woman feel humiliated. I'm sure he doesn't even realize her true feelings

Pardon .... three of you fools who are blinded by an emotion I evoked in you pertaining to another situation in which has nothing to do with this .. yet, because if this "stuck emotion" .. you have no awareness of the issue at hand.


Funny shit ....

"she's not communicating her thoughts or ideas, she's choosing to slink off and sulk about it which means she knew and know that this wasn't a full on relationship so to save face she's choosing to brood in silence"


Yep ^^^^ your reading this scenerio right tiki. Communication is key, and certainly a Capricorn would know this. The problem here is what you are alluding to .... she knows it wasn't a relationship in which she could voice these concerns to him, so she has no other recourse except to wallow in despair because he never stepped up to her silent plate.


"I'm thinking she's mostly hurt by her own actions be letting her heart be with a man in hopes at some point he would feel the same way only to find out that her loyalty, her love is not reciprocal plus the time loss without reciprocation would make any woman feel humiliated. I'm sure he doesn't even realize her true feelings"


Not yet .. but, she would be able to grasp it better if she went to go talk to the Caps girls. This is something that is discussed frequently with them ... Sagigoat would be able to help her to understand.

strange ... you really need to talk to your girls over there.

Being a defeatist is a Capricorn trait, both genders.

Add her not communicating to him properly on top of this .. and there's nowhere else to go except into this gloom.

A woman cannot just sit back and Hope for life to happen with her love-life .. well, any person cannot just Hope for anything in life to happen. And this is what is going on here.


Strange .... no woman can talk to a man who is just their fuck-buddy about being in love with him. For this reason is why women aren't suppose to give ourselves to men without having feelings reiterated.

In the future .... never, never, never, never sleep with a man to whom you haven't discussed the terms of the relationship with .. or you'll find yourself in this same place.

"she's mostly hurt by her own actions"


I would have to agree .. it's written all over this thread.

She feels stupid because she has betrayed herself. For now, she'll spew off saying it's him, that he did something to hurt her .. but, I have faith in Capricorns .. after she has released this energy, she'll realize that she's the one who fucked herself up.

there she goes again... I see Ps head spinning... oy oy...dear..

by the way... she can't look down..

"The other cap girl, makes more money than me, has higher social status - or that's how she shows - than me and I can see the virgo can benefit a lot from her than from me. I can give him more emotions, less of the materialistic world."


Stranger .. I'm unclear as to why you would feel in terms of his benefit. Like there's a contest going on and whichever girl can offer him the most will win him.

This just reeks of low self-esteem ... to make the suggestion that your worth to him, for his benefit, is all the worth there is.

Your entire account in here speaks of your measurement of yourself and your self-worth based around what it is you can, and have, given to him.

You don't have a desire to measure your self-worth according to what you deserve .. you would wallow in self-pity if you don't get what you think you deserve from him for all your loyalty .. but, you haven't presented this to him for terms within the union, according to your standards and values.

You have pretty much laid all responsibility upon him to prove to you that you are worthy of yourself by means of him accepting and approving of you .. for you to feel secure.

This is something that happens a lot to women, I'm afraid .. and we see it on a daily basis in here. A woman would hold a man accountible to make her feel good about herself, by means of giving and giving to him for his pleasure and benefit, and with hopes that he will be approving of her enough to want more.

You have to stand for yourself, Stranger .. you have to be a woman of substance and confidence .. you can't just hope that a man will give you what you deserve .. you have to walk the walk that you KNOW your worth everything.

This has nothing to do with this man, this pain you are feeling .... and everythign to do with you wanting another person to appreciate and honor what you do for them, by means of making you feel good about your self-worth .... and that's where women fuck up.

You have to know, for yourself, that you approve of yourself.

how beautifully put, starfish 🙂

LOL yeah...even those who seem to have it all get cheated on, cant seem to be able to hang onto their men/women.....ultimately everybody is vulnerable of what has happened here...everybody.

Im thining that Strange has read all the advice on here and will have to slowly accept that she was a party to what happened although a very painful lesson. There are no quick fixes though to a broken heart except for time and to date, date, date and to not accept any compromises of what she truly wants. If its a relationship you want Strange, you will need to make it clear right from the start but if you enter into a FWB situation, 95 out of 100 will end in no relationship because you're giving a man his primal needs without him having to commit in any way. Only very few FWB make it to the next level because there's been no chase, there's been no real courting.

Personally IM not a fan of FWB in the slightest....it only works for the man because they aren't wired like us women and yes I found myself in one of those relationships because I was naive coming out of a long term relationship, and I heard the bitter truth and yes from some on here LOL. They were right and now I live my life completely differently and I refuse to compromise on certain things.

Strange, IM really sorry for your pain and yes you're a Cappy and OMG I know Cappys so incredibly well and yes you will find doom and gloom but then you will come out bright and chirpy on the other side ready to start again. I agree though, give yourself some healing time, enjoy your singledom and go out with the girls, let your hair down and go paaaarty!!! Life's too short to dwell for too long - we only get one shot from what Im told LOL

"and yes you will find doom and gloom but then you will come out bright and chirpy on the other side ready to start again."


Definitely, it's the Cappy way.

They are creatures that have to become a broken vessel, in order to be reborn anew ... I have faith that she will do just that.

Sometimes, people are only in our lives to teach us something about ourselves, and not even intended on being a long-term partner .... rather a building block for self growth.

Oh my God!

You all wrote so much, thanks. And please do not fight.
My head was spinning and I was able to get some sleep.

Thanks to all of you for support and kinds words and motivation to be stronger, especially the last post.

I have decided to talk to him some times soon , in a week or so. Most likely I plan to say him Goodbye no matter how good of a cover up he may come up with.

Most likely he will be honest about it, I would suggest you not discard the feelings that you both shared, he could have very well found in someone else what he once found in you and decided to move forward with her but IMO flirting doesn't mean relationship, it means flirting and if he didn't have a relationship with you he most likely won't have one with her, I know you felt crushed but to assume he wants her over you is a huge presumption because from what you say unless again I'm mistaken in how I understand what you wrote, he's just a friend of 3 years that involved intimacy....

I would suggest taking some time to really think about if your hurt is valid enough to move on from this friendship or was it some kind of misintepretation that caused this pain your enduring, most of us here have been through what you are going through and it sucks to realize when a man just wasn't that into the friendship relationship as the woman....

Never be a mans stepping stone, if you give him sex, you give him your heart, you give him YOU without a commitment there is a huge chance that he will take your love and STEP OVER YOU to get to someone else and give the other woman the relationship you always wanted....remember that

I'm never the follower Evan but you sure seem to be, is it me or does it seem you can't stop stalking certain people on dxp, keep it up and I might just think you like me but on second thought you do seem to kiss ass moreso than anyone else guess your puckered up today hmmmmmm

Bless ...... we can always count on your words, SG, and they speak the truth.


It's all about the self ... only we can pave our own roads.

One thing I can tell you why you are feeling miserable is because YOU YOURSELF allow it. YOU are not strong enough to control your mind and emotions.
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Well Said! How ever I thought being emotional is a human thing and loving some one too.
I did not realize till now it is a major weakness. Things is, things have been perfect until some one "better" entered the scene.

I agree, I need to change the perspective because I can see I am being saved by God by not letting me screwup for life with a dramatic person who changed after 3 years, right after wedding talks.

I say this, because today I called him to meet up , he said he has to go for helping his friend to move. By chance his sister called me in the afternoon and accidently told me, he is out with that new cap to help her buy something. His sister and me get along very well. His sister was puzzled that I did not know it. So -- Now I have a proof that he has started to lie to me and I will not allow this to go further.

I will finish it to say goodbye, in person, as soon as I can. Seems to me he wants to drag me for as long as he can and it is enough at my end. Why can't he tell me the truth and be upfront? Instead, he asked me to plan something for next weekend for two of us, we are not that casual, all of a sudden extra sweet on the surface while dishonest internally. I thought I knew this man from inside out, seems I have been wrong. I plan to meet tomorrow, in the evening, and FINISH IT OFF.

If I change my perspective whatever is happening it is for good, I can't live my life with a liar...

Things is, things have been perfect until some one "better" entered the scene.

*** Lets change this way of thinking right here, not "better" than you, it is NOT about you, it is about HIM! And still yet.....NOT ABOUT HER EITHER!
In my opinion, and Virgo guys correct me if you think i am wrong here, but I believe w/a Virgo and a MAN, that this way of thinking about yourself, maybe exactly what is NOT attracting him towards you still. THAT is a WEAKNESS! NOT LOVING!

THe "lies" not excusable, but, he does NOT want to hurt you and it is NOT about you....once again, you already knew and you already know.......let it go.

I would say, for him, the "goodbye" is done, if it is "closure" you need, by all means ask him for it, but my experience w/men and Virgo especially, is you may not EVER get it, it will be up to you to get it from within yourself, cause they dont typically want to "close" anything for good. Do what you have to do to get the closure you need, leave the rest of the "game" alone, for it is already over and finished.

This is my opinion of what i have read here and the best fastest way to go forward and move on for you i have to offer. I wish you didnt have to go through it, but it is all part of learning lessons we must all go through to grow within ourselves.

BA22, out of all honesty here, who is to say this wont work out w/new Cap girl on its own and he will realize and come back for what he hopes he can appreciate? Or even yet again, the new "Girl" may be "the one" for him, why cost someone that? If you truly care about or "love" someone, you want them to find happiness just like you hoped you could give them when it was not the "relationship" of a lifetime for the two whom it did not work for.

Just because he has found someone else to "play" with, does not mean it wont be the love of his lifetime, its just not right to interfere where there was no "marriage" or "violation" to begin with.

We are all living and exploring and hoping to find that "love" of a lifetime.

Again, the "other girl" or "new Cap" or "new mate" has nothing to do with what has been exchanged between the two of them.

I will be honest, y'day the thought came to my mind to "inform" the other cap. Then I thought she needs to learn her lesson on her own like I am learning mine now. Last night, I beated myself up for having that thought because if I do that to her, I will not be feeling good in my soul for myself , I'd feel I interferred with some one, and that is not who I am.
If that is the fate, that we are not going to be together, that's fine. I already accepted it and if they two work it out, it will be their fate. I do not think the other girl is the reason, HE IS THE REASON , she does not have any idea about us. I do not believe in forced relationships on anyone including the virgo.

This is a lesson for me that people can change when they see greener grass, they can lie , fake it , play behind your back etc. None of these qualities are of my liking and hence I will let this GO. I will not wait to see if it works for them or not, I do not care it any more.

I even thought, was it ALL fake for these many years? I thought and rethought and rethought, I think not all of it was fake, some might have been, the way it has been in extremely subtle way makes it hard to seperate.

Strange, I would have to strongly disagree with the idea of telling this other lady anything about the man.

The only reason a person would do somethign like that is out of vengence to get even with the man because he hurt you .. and that's a price your own soul and/or karma will have to pay. That doesn't punish anybody except yourself.

Also, it's highly likely that this woman doesn't even know about you, in which cause, she is innocent in this. So, if you said somethign to her, it would cause her pain in which she didn't deserve.

Don't make her an innocent victim of this circumstance. That just doesn't seem fair. I fully realize that people would say to do this to fuck him over .. but, in the process, an innocent person gets hurt, also.

That's just wrong.

She's not the one who did this to you, she's not the one who is suppose to be loyal to you .. she did nothing to harm you.

Additionally, I know because you are a Capricorn that closure is important to you. For some, it's easy to just walk away and never think of him again ... but, I know for you, your peace of mind will only be found when you get closure.

I'm happy that you came to this awareness that you needed to talk to him .. and I knew you would come around to it once you pulled yourself out of pity mode, and started thinking rationally.

You're going to be just fine now. 🙂