In Extremely deep pain (Page 2)

I could see that LK, and that it would be beneficial to her .. however, that isn't how this suggestion came across.

It was presented with a begrudging against him attitude to suggest it be done to secure some kind of punishing him for it because he did this.

Intentions .. that's what makes karma.

If she did tell her, and it came from a place of punishing him .. then this telling to her would come out as trying to gain some kind of vindication.

Of course, it was BA who suggested it .. and she is one who thinks the mother of her SugarDaddy's children is useless and is besides herself that this woman still has a relationship (shared parenting) with her man who likes to fantasize about fucking a child when she rides him.


So, with a person like that .. it really isnt' surprising that BA would counsel this woman on telling the other lady out of spite.

I pray you end up like your deranged dead mother, only a nutjob could produce a piece of trash like you.

uhm yeah that statement wasn't called for....

p-angle, please read my post again. I already said, I am not going to tell/do/say any thing to that girl. I think the virgo needs to tell her. I fully agree, doing something like that will only hurt my soul and I do not do those things to others.

Sorry about that Strange ... it took me awhile to type that out because I got distracted .. and it wasn't until after I posted it that I read yours where you said you weren't going to talk to her.

woman came to me and tell me your story with my new date i'd appreicate that very much so i can open my eyes a bit wider. most cap women are sensible and don't do those stupid cat fights as long as you are sensible also. just my 2 cents.
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SG- You are making me think something. I did put myself at that other cap's place and felt if some one gives me an advance warning in these matters, I would appreciate. At the same time I feel it interfering to someone unknown on personal matter.

If I tell her, I think it will affect my soul, thinking I did it because I am selfish.
Other burden of truth is, if I do not tell her, I will think I did not do the right thing to save some one from possible disaster. God knows, why am in this position of needing to think this deep.

My weekend has been the worst so far in my life. Cried, got angry on self and on some others, can't focus on talks to someone, at times feel weak and at times feel strong - no balance in any thing, can't seem to think any thing properly, thought so much, did sleep for sometime then woke up again and it goes on..... I do not think I will be able to trust any one new for any thing..

People- stop fightting and using angry words for not so important things..

I wish , no one, not even my enemies go thru the phase I am going thru...

"I did put myself at that other cap's place and felt if some one gives me an advance warning in these matters, I would appreciate."


To talk to the other woman in a situation like this for that purpose would seem appropriate .. for the intention is in place to protect her from emotional injury, rather than cause harm.

However, I think it was PGA who made the assertion that there's no way of knowing whether these two people are supposed to be together, and it's possible that they belong together.

Just because a man is wrong for one woman .. doesn't mean he is wrong for another. And sometimes, people bring out the worst qualities in others .. while some people bring out the best qualities in others. So, there is no way for a woman scorned to make the determination that the man who hurt her, is going to cause this same pain in another.


I know this hurts, Strange ... there's nothing you can do except take each second as it passes, and to try and stay focused on your path.

Strange~ I think you should listen to PA, and do with it what you feel is right, you already said you have to live with it, no one else. But again, what PA said, is so true and its not the "average" woman whom can see this and not act out on the "new" gal.

The expected from a "scorned" woman, is exactly what you have considered and how we all would like to just inflict upon others what has been inflicted upon us, we can reason it into "protection of another" but come on, she is a woman, grown, he is not forcing her to do a thing.
Its not always the best feeling to live with,rejection, redirection, i am glad i dont conduct myself in this manner and consider that if i loved someone, then it was not all bad, or wrong. Love is never wrong, just sometimes does not seem so right when it ends. When did we ever think "pain, hurt, anger, or betray" was right/good/or healthy........when its over, and you have moved on, and love again, it will look so much different then. Now, its all just too much to bear.
I got u, and I am sorry you are feeling it all, it hurts so bad, no words can express, been here, and if he was anything like the one i deal w/well, lets just say "I didnt marry my girls dad that i spent 18 years with,but i would marry that man in a heart beat" (the Virgo man i would). That screams volumes, i dint think i would ever, NEVER marry again or consider it. It just feels that right, deep, good, solid, etc, the words can not express, and he is a keeper, but obviously not mine to keep, I refuse to now hate him or hurt him, not for the fact its not me he "picked".

I came back home early from work.

Can't do much without focus, while i know I need to be very busy with work to forget everything.

Strange,

Pull out of it......been here, done this, its up to you to get out of this rut and realize, he is NOT doing the same.

Sometimes, its easier if you just get out, stay out and walk, think, work through the thoughts outside your home........make it a goal not to leave work anymore, it is not what is best for you.

he is NOT doing the same.

make it a goal not to leave work anymore, it is not what is best for you.

These two things will work to get me focused. True, I should not have come back, will not do so anymore.

You know what .. maybe you should write out an angry and horrid letter to him. Doesn't mean you have to send it, you can throw it away ... but, it would let you rip him apart, get out all your anguish, you can throw the pencil around, stab the paper, yell .... just get it out.

Get it out of your system .. rather than holding it in to bring you down to this kind of despair. Once you release the energy, then you'll be able to gain a little more control over your mental focus.


Work is where you should be, I agree with PGA ... you need to have your mind distracted. If you are at home then you'll just wallow in your glooom and sorrow. Go out, go shopping .. buy a new outfit and a pair of shoes.

Say to yourself .. this is a new me, a me without him, and I'm going to be just fine, and this is my victory present to myself.

I think that should work too.. A new me without him! Which was horrbile to imagine till now... He has become a habit , there are some things we did many times like scheduled activities..Like doing things on every Friday eve. Going forward, I will hate each friday and weekend, I wish I can forget all now, including him...

I think I know why this has happened to me. 5 yrs back there was one cancer guy, we dated and he had started falling for me soon. In fact he did care a lot for me and loved me. Being a jerk cap, I thought it was too emotional for a man to be very sensitive. After 8 months, I had backedoff from him as he cared too much for me. At that time, due to lack of experience or stupidity I did not allow that love in my life, in fact I rejected it. That's exactly why this is happening to me. This proves it that cancer had really loved me and may have completely broken at that time like I am now.

Damn, I just love this quality about Capricorns .. you guys are so deep, and introspective, soul-searchers ... how can anybody not love Capricorns, is my question.


Stranger ... you're not being punished, eventhough, it bowls me over to see a person realize themselves like this .. self-awareness is the answer to everything in the world, you know. When people realize that they are doing, all problems go away, because then we realize that we created our own realities.

Jesus said: Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.

And I don't think he was talking about the ones crucifying him .. I think he was talking about all mankind .. we go about life, not really knowing what we are doing.

Caps do know ... and it brings me to my knees everytime.


Strange .... your karma is good, and that's obvious ... the Virgo man doing this to you is not a punishment for your relationship with the Cancer man. The Virgo man's feeling for you changed, that's all. Why they changed, I've no clue .. but, they did, and it had nothing to do with your karma because it's clear that your heart is in the right place. Maybe it's his karma .. maybe the lesson in this is for him, not you.

It is MOST DEFINITELY about him, not you!

New hair, new hair style , color, perm, nails did, pedicure, outfit, shoes, accessories, earrings, make up, take your pick, any of them is change, for you, which is what you need and are going through, and walk with pride, nothing was wrong, and nothing wrong w/you!

To love, care, share, feel, well......never regret something that once made you smile!

Let me share my favorite piece i have ever written, i wrote it too Aqua male, and have kept it since .........the males that have read it, what a impact......

"One day, he is going to wake up and realize how much he cared for her, and when that day comes, she will be waking up next to the guy who already knew."

Pangel and gemangel - Thanks for being with me during the tough phase.

I liked this : One day, he is going to wake up and realize how much he cared for her, and when that day comes, she will be waking up next to the guy who already knew.

I do not wheather the lesson is for me or for him, but I do believe everything happens for a reason.

"One day, he is going to wake up and realize how much he cared for her, and when that day comes, she will be waking up next to the guy who already knew."


Wow, PGA .. I like that ... can I write it down with all my other sayings I have hanging on the wall? Not steal it, rather, just enjoy it. I have a wall with all kinds of sayings on it, and the name of the author (if known) with it.

This is your work, so I don't want to steal ... just use, with your permission.

She's right, Stranger .... one day you're going to run into him, when your healed, and have moved on to a man who KNOWS that he has a treasure ... and when you do, he will see from how you weren't beaten-down, that he once had that, but, was too blind to see it.


Be that woman ... KNOW your worth.

BA~ Sorry to disappoint you or anyone, may i ask what did i do to disappoint you?



Strange~ Glad you liked it!

PA~ I wrote it, Jan 15, 2007 for Aqua male we have discussed. With that said, feel free to enjoy it and share it, I have it all over the internet, I like to share and help others w/my own downfall.

LOVE HURTS~ But its worth it!

I haven't yet told him anything because I was reading astrology board and got the idea to look at his chart. Yesterday emailed data to one astrologer as I do not know astrology.
Today the astrologer mentioned this virgo has uranus in house seven and that is why he is going through this which affects me too. Astrologer said uranus in house seven is generally not good for marriage.

I do not know if this is true or not. Where can I read details of house 7?
I also thought long and hard and am still thinking extremely deep before breaking it off as I know both of us have shared so much in 3 yrs. Basically I am making an attempt to make a rational and educated decision.

Not spying but found out this morning they are both on facebook and flirting online at 180 speed. He is like a child in responding to everything she does by copying her online and then she copies him inturn.. What I see is she is adding people of higher positions and status in her friends list and he is responding to it by adding even higher status people. These "higher status" people are the ones we are very casual with and they are not close friends. Actually I found , I do not even know some of them! So he is faking some of it to impress her, I do not understand how did he become "friends" with so many people overnight? I do not know if all friends of cap's list are her "close" friends.

It looks both are magnetically attracted to each other and the pull is powerful. If so, I have no problem , I accept it, only problem is he has yet not told me any thing to cut off with me and instead have asked me to make plans for two of us to enjoy it together.

I might get my chart done too. Another shocking news is I see her birthdate is same as mine, not sure of the year!!! Can't believe this! May be he is using me to get her by pleasing her with the things I like. That internet copying and flirting thing is a product of our invention when we were in initial stages, only difference is we used different website than what he is using now for her.

As I dig deeper, I find things I do not want to see/know and do not like, but it is the truth. I realize he is probably a big time player, his family thinks he is the best son any one can have! What I think? - Still in trauma..it hurts less though, have not been sleeping/eating well , yet, not tired or may be I am,but,I am getting STRONGER. I feel I have accepted to let him go and will be able to do so this weekend.

One more thing is, I thought in personal relationships we see intimacy and true connection, ofcourse it involved friends and family, but the first thing is the real connection, at soul level that is not based on social status/name/fame/money/glamour.
I thought my virgo was , sorry not "mine" but "THE" VIRGO, a sober ,calm guy not after glamour. I found out that the other cap is a part time stage/theater artist, plays drama and acts too during her free time in addition to her job. Her profile pictures are very attractive and glamorous with various hair style s! This is getting interesting,minute by minute.

They are having great fun in flirting and playing with each other!Can't say I am happy,but, somehow I do not feel pain and I am not as unhappy as before! Even I find that weird seeing how fast my deep feelings for him are fading away.

I'm not surprised in the least that your pain is subsided so quickly, Strange .... this is what happens when we have our eyes open to the truth. Before, when you first came here, your eyes were closed and the only thing you could see was that you'd been injured and couldn't figure out why .. it's the "why" was this happening to you, that was the cause of the pain, and not the man, himself.

Any person to whom had done this .. this same pain would have happened. So, it was the not understanding of "why" it happened that was causing you emotional distress.

Now you know .. you know why .. you know it wasn't you, so there's no point in asking why me? It was him .. you are able to release the energy fast.

"only problem is he has yet not told me any thing to cut off with me and instead have asked me to make plans for two of us to enjoy it together."

I think you should go ^^^ .. set this up, go ... so you can see just what he is really made of. If he doesnt' come clean with the truth, and pretends to continue in this relationship as if nothing happened ... then you will no longer need to look online at what he's doing, you will no longer need to think about him, you will no longer need to even remember he is alive.

You will then be able to hold your head up and proudly look to the horizon for your soulmate .. because you'll know the truth.

then you will no longer need to look online at what he's doing, you will no longer need to think about him, you will no longer need to even remember he is alive.

You will then be able to hold your head up and proudly look to the horizon for your soulmate .. because you'll know the truth.

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you are not worthless.
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Thanks ladies. and thanks leok.

I read you all and we are meeting up tomorrow. I asked him to meet tomorrow, before the regular weekend saying its important. We are definitely meeting tomorrow and I am all set to let him go and FREE myself from this.

No more wastage of time on him. Even writing this makes me somewhat relaxed!

seeing that the new cap has the same birthday as you, strange, she may likely fall for him too. it'd be a great service if you talk to her. i don't think it's a bad karma at all. win-win for both of you ladies. as for him who cares.

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SG, I am thinking in the same direction, reason being I see on facebook today he is completely deceiving her by showing her the side of him which does not exist. I am saying this because, his parents immmigrated from Asian counry but he is born and raised here. He does not like Asians. That other cap seems to have Asian and US balance on her profile.

What this bastard is doing, he is adding Asian friends in his list and please note I know these are the Asians he does not like around being. He is tricking that girl, I feel angry and sad for that cap. You can not believe what I am feeling now... Glad that I am free after 3 years of trap, she will perhaps get trapped for life. But, she seems to be materialistic from her online behavior. You have a point, I bet she has already fallen for him - more than him and faster than him.

Here is a question - what if after couple of years of wedding the cap finds out the real him—

I can't wait for this evening, today is his D-day. Cheap, cheap , cheap. Who says virgos have morals? Psyschology says, those who say they have high morals are the ones most likely to go to the bottom of it.

About the other cap, no decision yet. I can find our her no. or email from thie bastard's sister, whom I am going to loose as my friend. She is not going to like this side of her brother and I will cut off COMPLETELY.

And oh yes this is payback for hurting the cancer guy which also proves you were never looking for love in the first place which was what he provided you with if that was what you really wanted you would have stayed with him.
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Very much possible, reason being I still remember him, and that means my heart had liked him but head had screwed me up then. I would say one thing though, the depth and intensity of all feelings - love, anxiety, curiocity and all of that, and now this unbareable anger - has been extremely deep with this virgo. I had never felt these much intensity of any kind of feelings from any body else. Perhaps we are soulmates, to teach each other lessons. There were unexplainable intensity, coincidences, telepathy, instant rappo in this bond... It actually scares me, the intensity of all of it..

now you know how to better recognize love.
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Agree!

All three of us are second generation of Asians. Our parents migrated here thirty years back. I am Asian in looks but American in every thing, so is he. The other cap seems balance of both cultures. You are right , he is not worth any thing any more for me.


I am analysing so that other guy can't fool me, I am doing it to also find my mistakes..

"or email from thie bastard's sister, whom I am going to loose as my friend. She is not going to like this side of her brother"


Wow, so you would hurt his sister's feelings?

wtf is happening here?

Maybe what you are seeing online is just a silly game they are playing .. and are putting up people they don't like, calling them something else? You have no clue what thier motivation is for what you can only speculate is happening from your own interpretation.

Sounds to me, now, rather than moving on, you are entertaining vengence. You may call it protecting/helping the other girl, but, you know it's not ... you know you are looking for vindication if you do that because you are watching their every move, looking for something to tag him with, like his not liking Asians and pretending to.

Wouldn't you feel like the fool if you did this .. and they laughed at you === because it was just a game they were playing.

Not meaning to hurt your feelings ... but, this is how I see it.

Everything you know so far about this other lady comes from second hand information or speculation .. you've yet to find out from the horses mouth. And now you are spying on their personal business and making conclusions as to what it means, when in reality ... you don't anything to be the truth.

You are responding/reacting from what you've woven in your head as a belief, without anything to back it up, except what you suspect.



wtf is going on? I thought you were moving past this?

I will not call her BEFORE I finish it off with this idiot. I am talking about informing her AFTER the two of us are DONE this evening for ever.

because it was just a game they were playing.


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I have a powerful sixth sense and I know in my heart something is up. I will confirm it this evening.

"I will not call her BEFORE I finish it off with this idiot. I am talking about informing her AFTER the two of us are DONE this evening for ever."


I really wish you would think very long and hard about this before you do it .... you know, people who adore each other will defy against another persons accusations, even if they are the truth.

Like the whole ... blood is thicker than water deal .. same thing applies to two people who are smitten.

It is understood that in the throws of being a woman scorned .. that this woman will make the assessment that she would want to be informed of her man's infidelity .. because at this moment she is so beside herself that he hurt her, that she would contemplate anything irrational, as rational.

It is also understood that two hearts that are embracing .. will stand and defend against an intrusion, or anything that resembles an assault .. even if the accuser is 100% accurate.


Look at this from a different relationship level, like in here for example .. people will stand and defend each other, on principal only ... when there isn't even emotional investment in each other.

Think about how fiercely this defense would be in a situation where there is emotional investment.


I think you should think about this, outside of your emotions, so you can see the sensibility in this ....... love is blind, if she loves him, the only thing she will comprehend is that you want her man, and is approaching her because you want her out of the picture, so you can take your man back = her man.

You will do what you will and I cannot force you to see reason .. but, I guarantee you that human's behave according to their emotional grounds as they experience them and your words will likely fall on ears that will react contrary to your intention.


The water is in front of you ... I cannot drink from it for you.

well sure it is sensible not to do anything....sure.

but hell....i would be lying my ass off if i said i would not do it. i totally would. when i found out that sag cheated on me...he got wine on his head in a bar. was that mature? no way.

do i regret it? not really.

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though...it should be noted...that many a friend of mine have said they would be afraid to ever really cross me. i believe liars should be exposed. and i could care less what people think of me...and i will risk my own rep to expose others

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That is all understood, leokitten ... it is understood that the intentions are to expose the man for what he did, to find retribution for him to suffer in.


However, along the way, if another person other than him gets harmed ... then this is unacceptable, and cruel. A person who is a vigilante must be aware of who is an innocent, so they don't get victimized.

IT IS OVER AS OF YESTERDAY. I was right on with my guts.

We met and started talking casually as I wanted to see if he opens up himself. He asked me what am I planning for coming weekend, cold answer I gave was nothing. He was bit surprizsed and I started that I had something to talk.. I asked him where was he last weekend after cancelling our plan, he replied he was exactly there where he told me. I told him me and his sister had talked that day and I know where he was. He was shocked, tried to hide that and strated to act as if he run into her naturally. At that point I asked straight if he had any thing to tell me..I think he did not have guts to confront so I told him I did not like the fact he lied to me and is being deceptive lately.Even after that he did not start, I asked direct about the facebook games and he got bit angry, started to hide and I declared I do not want to be with him any more, even if he has nothing to do with that cap.

First he begged me to stay and then he opened up that he had started developing something for that other cap and until he felt 100% sure about them, he did not want to "hurt" me. All the more reasons, I must leave him. We had emotional, hot arguments and he concluded we should not spoil our "beautiful" bond of 3 years and he will cancel his facebook account. I refused to be in relationship any longer,I asked him to never contact me again and also told him to not be deceptive with that other cap for I know he is faking a lot on the Internet.

In the end, I told him get out bitterly, screwed his ego and he was out of my place with trauma.

It ended, cried a lot y'day/today/healing very slowly but do have some sense of peace in my mind. Damn it, it is over after 3 years!!!

Ahhh, I am sorry for the outcome but relieved for you too, you have your closure, satisfaction and walked w/your head up and his down. Shame on him, but, typical too.

((((HUGS))))

It should be easier to mend, no regrets!

strange -- as much as it hurts, time is the only healer...


When I went through this pain myself... I appreciated the many people on here who continued their support up to this day.

You may go through many different emotions and questioning over time, but hang on and keep faith that this shall pass... at least it will lose its state of power. You will be more yourself over time. Hope it will be a fast healing for you.

I am just reading things after posting yesterday.

No doubt, all of you have been a great support and strength especially when I am feeling very low in my life at the moment. It is amaing to see unknows people can help to comfort us in crisis while the one we care for generally cause the pain. I sincerely thank all of you for your support, help, strength and kind words.

Sagi- Very true, taking a step when it comes to us is very hard. Also true, when we do not respect someone we just can't love. An outstanding lesson as you said about knowing the behavioral traits of people and once more understanding that most people are weak when they see more money and status. Very few are strong enough to walk the long and hard road of achieving it by themselves as opposed to using others. One is after the status, the other is after money, as I had observed on facebook. This must work! If it does not, then both of them will screw two more people. I have decided to not tell any thing to that cap for she needs to learn her lesson on her own. Only experiences can teach us somethings that no one else can.

I am going to be busy at work over the weekend.

Thank you all again.

I thought of teaching him yet another lesson by telling the other cap.Then I decided to not do so, because, if I do that, he will have his eyes open and lesson learnt.
That will make him not do it in life and will benefit him. Since I want him to screw up in his life like he did with me, I will let him continue to fool the other cap.

I am angry.

BA- Thanks for taking time to post the detailed truth. I agree and do feel better after reading your post. This weekend just does not pass. I am keeping myself busy, but, it has not been easy.

You wait for some one for a while until they get emotionaly ready , you adjust to them, make sacrifices, allow them to grow, accept them with their flaws and one day they leave you wondering you did everything wrong. He wronged me, I do not feel defeated but feel like I was stupid to not recognize the real him. How could I be so blind for so long?

His sister calls me to tell me how "miserable" he has been. I see he had doubled the speed of flirting on facebook. I know it is an indication of his insecurities.
How nice?!

I have become a bad person, I am enjoying seeing him getting insecure, stressed and tense.
It should not be that way.

I told his sister to never contact me.

this is a long ass post lol

Yup!

Somehow I feel very strong today. Seriously not in pain any more, infact I smiled and laughed by heart today. I see he is so insecure and unhappy.
I like that.

"one day they leave you wondering you did everything wrong. He wronged me, I do not feel defeated but feel like I was stupid to not recognize the real him. How could I be so blind for so long?"



Stranger, this isn't something that went on the whole time, this is something that is a recent event. You can't allow yourself to believe that he was running some kind of game from day one ... because you know yourself that before, before his feeligns changed for you, that he was a different man.

And the only wrong I recognize that he did was not to tell you that his feelings for you and the relationship had changed and tried to keep you along for the ride. As for the acutal changing of these feelings ... is his right.

At the very beginning of this you said that there is no way that the was faking it when times were beautiful, and I believe you .... so, this isn't something you've been stupid about for so long, as you said about how you are feeling.

Are you and his sister friends? If so, why would you hurt her?

If she's not your friend ... then she's expendable.

We are friends.
I do not mean to hurt her, and that is why keeping her out of the loop.
Besides, at this point I need to think for myself. If I talk to her, she will remind me of him and many other things we went through together. I need to isolate myself from all of them. I may even move out of town.