In love with virgo male - should I break up with h

Hi everyone,

I posted here a few days ago but now my situation has changed and it would be awesome if you could give me some advice again.

So I've been dating this virgo guy for 2 months (1 month of which I was out of town). He is 28, has a pretty demanding job and is therefore very busy most of the time. Sometimes I don't hear from him for a little while but everytime we see each other we have the greatest time. I felt that we connected right from the beginning and I already like him a lot.

A few days ago we had the talk. I initiated it cause I was wondering if he was sleeping with other people too. He said no and that he really likes me a lot and wants us to date exclusively. (There was someone else though during the time I was gone but since we were casual I guess it's ok for me.) He said that he likes how things are going right now and that he wants to get to know me better and wants me in his life right now. However, he said that he isn't ready to be in a new relationship right now cause he broke up with his ex 5 months ago (he said she was too controlling and emotional for him) and that he has been in relationships since he was 20 and that this is the first time that he thinks he is finding himself and finally becoming who he really is. He is afraid of getting too attached to me and of getting hurt and said that he might be a little walled-up sometime. He said that he can't be bf/gf right now which is a very serious thing for him but said that he might be there sometime in the future and that he would sit down with me then and really make a commitment.

It made sense what he said cause we've only been dating for a very short time and I want to get to know him first too. However, I'm afraid that I'll get too attached to him which I told him. He totally understood what I meant and said that he doesn't want to hurt me and offered that we could stop sleeping together for now if that would be easier for me. I said no cause that isn't really the problem for me. I told him that we can take it slow right now and that all I wanted was to know that we aren't seeing other people and that I want to see where this goes. I said that if, let's say in a couple of months, he thinks that he still isn't ready for a real bf/gf thing, that I would want to know. He agreed with me, said that it usually isn't going to take several months till you find out whether you're right for each other or not and that he understands that I don't want to waste my time and therefore he will let me know.

He is really sweet and considerate when we spend time, often talks about things that we've done and remembers every detail of it and is also cuddly in a non-sexual way. He also told me that his friends like me a lot. We just spent the whole weekend together and even though it was supposed to be just one evening he asked me if I want to stay and suggested things we can do so it was all him. He also offered me to leave some things of mine at his place and he already made plans with me for the next weekend (which is unusual for him).

It was really nice that he told me so honestly what is going on inside him right now but at the same time it scares me a lot. I know I'm totally able to give him space and I don't need a big commitment right now but I just need to know that there is a chance that we will get to the next stage at some point in the future.

My questions:

1. Based on all that, do you think he is serious about wanting to get to know me better? Does he see our dating as sth that might lead somewhere or is he just having a good time and not ready to move on? What would be normal for a virgo in that kind of situation?

2. I know virgos are testing their partners carefully before they commit and I also think he wouldn't want to spend most of his free time with me if he didn't like me. So considering his virgo personality, do you think that there is hope? Is it likely or unlike

Why are you asking complete stranger people on the internet if you should break up with someone?

lol tia,

one question - dead on!

sorry, daniela. this is too specific. everyone is different. i'd enjoy the time together, if it's really as good as you say, and not worry about the next step. but this could be absolutely wrong for you!!!




any native english speaker around? i have a translation problem!

Daniela06, I thought I was reading a post from myself. I also have been dating a Virgo man for 2 months and he is doing all of the things that your Virgo man is doing. It really is so confusing because he seems to like me so much when we are together but when we are apart it is like I don't exist. He also never says when we will be seeing each other again. Then instead of calling me he always tries to run into me somewhere casually and then he will ask me out for Saturday night. We only see each other once a week. He drives me absolutely crazy. I have never been with any one like this before. I'm a scorpio by the way.

woah

I've been visiting this board for a few months now because of my Virgo...I seen this thread and also felt like I wrote it so I finally registered.

mine has been doing the push me,pull me thing for *ack✨ about 9 months...trust me it doesn't get better...slowly it has grown into more but truth is I still don't have a clue whats up with this guy.

the only thing I seem to know is no matter how he acts he still sticks around and usually comes on stronger when I finally throw my hands up and am ready to have a break from the confusion...truly thats how it goes. he'll say this and that (like he thinks about me all day and stuff) then nothing for days..when I turn around and do the same and he's deeply shocked! and says things to encourage me to chase him...then he does the same ol junk that turned me away...I'm stymied here.

I'm a Gemini with moon in Virgo and Scorpio rising (evil combo...but the scorp in me is probably keeping me possessive and Virgo side is trying to solve him...but the gem in me says run like hell ,but yet fascinated by this aloofness ha)

woo I need luck :-)

Daniela, hey! I don't usually add comments here, but after reading your post, I have to say just like anyone else who's dated a virgo, we all could have written a similar story to your post. I dated a wonderful guy for over four years (virgo) and I can honestly say, as lovely as he is, he is the biggest mind **** I have ever encountered. Push pull the entire time. I have just let go, and we date other people, but we both deeply still love one another. However, I talk to him only 1-2 times a month and only when he calls. I had to let go of expecting things to be how I wanted and learned to love him exactly how he is. I wish I would've learned this lesson about 6 months in, rather than 4 years later... maybe that will help? Just don't hang on too tight.

Oh no, Please don't tell me that it doesn't change. I thought that Virgos have to be 150% sure but once they are sure they are totally committed. He even told me that himself. My Virgo broke down and told me how much he cared about me the other night because I told him that I had been feeling rejected by him and his actions and we had our closest conversation and night yet, but then the very next morning he pulled out a magazine and started showing me pictures of houses in another state and told me that he had been thinking about moving there. He didn't ask me what I thought or if I would ever be interested in moving. He just said what he was thinking of doing. I can't figure out if he was showing me the magazine because he is seeing me in the picture and hoping that I would want to move with him or if he is just trying to tell me that he didn't mean anything he said the night before and don't get too close because I'm leaving soon. Then we went to breakfast and he bought me flowers. I feel ridiculous that I'm on this forum totally obsessed with this guy and this whole thing, but I just have this overwelming need to figure it all out and for some reason I think this guy is worth it. I with someone one of us could figure out the key to how to handle the Virgo man :-)

Hi Everyone 🙂 I too am involved at the moment with a Virgo man. I say "at the moment" because truly that IS all that we have. It has been with my experience that when we begin to "expect" a result of how the relationship SHOULD be, we then slowly begin to destroy what we so badly desire. We put expectations on the other person as well as ourselves rather than just "being." In other words...relationships are a great avenue in learning the Law of Accepting Differences and letting things be as they are and mostly enjoying them for what they are.

We need relationships for they help us to heal. When a button is pushed by the other person it is because of something that needs to be healed in you from a past experience and this is perhaps why this other person is in your life - he has become your "teacher."

gslove - you say, "I wish someone of us could figure out the key to how to handle the Virgo man :-)" A c'mon now....you don't really want to figure him out...life is about discovery...and in truth, it is the Virgo man who is teaching you how to handle yourself - alone and in relationships. I'd also like to mention that when a man has said to me...."you are too hard to handle." what he is really saying is, "I cannot CONTROL you. Handle=Control and this will never work in a relationship...the only one who needs to be controlled is our own lovely Self.

Try to focus on yourself...enjoy your life as YOU create it...don't let someone else create your life for you. Enjoy each moment with him without any expectation - only for the wonderful moments that you are creating while being with him. He will feel free to express his thoughts and the real him with emerge. The most important thing here is - YOU must be happy with YOU first and foremost - the rest will fall into place and it will be easy 😉

My bestest wishes to you and you Mr. Virgo - they truly are gems 🙂

Hi Freebird,

I appreciate your comments and I totally agree with you. I do however have expectations and I know what I want from a relationship. I'm only 2 months into this relationship with a Virgo man and I am expecting to be treated the way I am intending on treating him. I do have this urge to figure him out because I don't want to be having this same conversation four years from now. I feel myself getting sucked into that trap that so many other women are getting into here on this site with their virgo men where he keeps giving me just enough to keep me hanging on. He is very addicting. When we are together he treats me better and we get along better than anyone I have ever been with and I truly believe he really likes me and totally respects me and that he is a really good person and that he is not purposely playing any games with me. I believe it truly is his personality, but I have to stay true to myself and a relationship that is this hard seems to be really draining. Maybe it's impossible, but I'm hoping to find the shortcut to 150% certainty so that we can just get on with our happy life :-) Me being the intuitive Scorpio and so in tune with myself It's just hard for me to understand why someone doesn't just know immediately that someone is the one. I'm 42 years old and have had only 3 experiences of love. It's been 7 years since the last time I had anywhere close to the feelings I have now and I just know that we should be together and It's hard for me to understand why it isn't hitting him in the same way. At the beginning it did for him as well, but now the brakes have been put on and I feel that he is analyzing every little thing and putting me to the test to have to prove myself worthy even though I know that it is himself that he is not sure is worthy. Freebird, it sounds like you have found some confindence and peace with your Virgo. I hope I can find the same with mine.

I seriously think that the key to loving someone like these people, is to LET GO and get on with your own life instead of trying to "figure" it all out. Trust me I know. Once you are sure you've figured it out, they turn your world upside down. With flowers. And then don't call you for three days or whatever. It's just the way they are. So if you are the kind of person who sits around waiting for the phone to ring, then don't date a virgo man. However, if you can live with it as it is and you are the kind of person who needs as much space as they do, then it's great. If you like lots of attention and affirmation, then I suggest dating a scorpio. You know?

I can also say, that I have never been challenged by other past relationships as I have been with this particular guy, because the relationship tested me on every level. I learned more about myself than I had known prior. So in that regard, you will benefit however things turn out.

I totally agree with you freebird. I have been involved with a Virgo man for the past 2 years, and initially it was quite a test for both of us. But part of the reason why things were so difficult was because we were not allowing the relationship to grow to where it was meant to be. WE both kept forcing it...hoping, pushing it to a certain level, when in all reality what we should have been doing is enjoying things as they were. I realize in relationships we project things onto others that we need validated and often feel insecure about. Being a pisces-(cancer moon/sco rising)-I need that constant validation because I am quite insecure. But after spending time with him, allowing him to get a feel of things and allowing myself to trust him, I found that he is a great friend. The worst thing I think I did was expect him to fill some void that I had, to fix me, and me to fix him. Granted those things naturally happen by loving someone, but it shouldn't be the sole reason for searching out a relationship. One has to be comfortable enough in their own skin and own thoughts before those things can genuinely be shared and embraced by another person. That has been something that I have learned both through my own soul searching and through my interactions with him.

My best advice for anyone pursing a relationship, not just with a virgo, is to find it in yourself to accept what it is that you bring to the table; good and bad. Know who you are before giving pieces of yourself away. And if you feel like you are being sucked into a trap, as Daniela put it, don't be. Things will only proceed if BOTH of you decide that the adventure and journey is worthwhile. Don't give him all of the power to decide whether or not things will work, just because you are willing to explore things further. In my experience, Virgos are very multifaceted and crave the stability that relationships and friendship offer, but they don't give it away like candy. Be patient and be honest. There is nothing he will respect more than your honesty. But don't put yourself or your heart on the line just so he can decide. You are worth more than that.

But he will test you and test you again..make you jump through hoops so to speak in attempts to make sure that his heart is safe with you. This is something my virgo did on many occasions. At first, it bothered me that he couldn't trust me; but after talking to him, I realized that he trusted very few people because he had been betrayed so many times. He guarded his heart very closely. Emotions scared the living day lights out of him, but in a way, I think also intrigued him. Intringued him because I gave mine away so easily; I accepted him for who he was without question. And in the end, he opened up, trusted me, and began to see what it was that I truly wanted: He as he was. Trust is the biggest hurdle for these men to jump.

He is very addicting, so I completely understand the difficulty of just letting this one go, especially after it's been so long since you have shared this with anyone else. I wish the best for you and hope that your virgo friend teaches you much and you learn from him as well. They truly are beautiful, compassionate people. You just have to be strong enough to break through that rough, outer facade that they seem to show everyone. Their strength and sensuality truly lie hidden. It just takes a patient person to see that and encourage them to open up.

Good point Aquarianna!! I have only been dating my Virgo man for 2 months and I know everything is going at the pace it should be for the amount of time we have been dating, but if it is still going this same pace a few months from now I definitely won't be happy with that. I need to feel closer to someone than just a once a week date with no communication in between. Funny, I'm usually the one trying to slow things down in the beginning of the relationship and now the shoe is on the other foot. I think Scorpios have trouble trusting and we need a lot of encouragement that we are adored in order to fully commit and trust and Virgos are the same way so someone needs to give in order for it to work and I feel I have really been the one to persue more than I ever have before in this relationship, but in his eyes he probably doesn't see that I'm persuing any at all. He has no idea how it kills me when I don't hear from him for four days or when I ask him to do something and he says no and I feel rejected. How can he not feel that sense of urgency to devour me sexually every time he sees me? How can he calmly be patient for hours before we finally have a wonderful night of sex and closeness? I'm starting to slowly change that and let him know what I need. I don't want to bombard him but I need to let him know how his actions make me feel and if that scares him away than so be it. So far every time I have opened up to tell him how I feel he has had a positive response and it brings us just a little bit closer. If nothing else he is really teaching this scorpio patience and the ability to ask for what I need and to communicate and be vulnerable. All things that don't come naturally to me. I would much rather just continue to let him think that I am totally confident and have no insecurities, flaws, or vulnerability but obviously that's not going to work with this Virgo man. He is going to see right through me and I think I have met my match. The universe has put him in front of me for a reason.

Indeed this is true! They are no bs people and are not weak to manipulation. They are also very cerebral and would rather think than talk but they are happy to listen, I have found. This will definitely teach you patience the the nth degree! But it is so worth it.

definatly something I've found out as well with my virgo...no BS..he is straight up honest,to a fault almost...he can be quite tactless.

when we should have be falling foreach other in the earlier stage where most couples are totally infatuated..he flat out told me he thinks my lack of patience will get on his nerves...I was stunned...I've never in my life had someone who was getting to know me be so critical...the more he got to know me,the more he'd pick apart our future..negitivly to..but I was intrigued by his honesty and the fact I was exact person he shouldn't be saying this to..yet he was.

yes, we need to just go on about our life and enjoy them while they around but not become obsessed with them where we have to have them around all the time...we will find our selves on a starvation diet.

I know I am..I haven't talked with mine till today (it's been four days) and it was a cut and dry e-mail with nothing but crumbs. and invite to go to lunch on friday?? WTH

thats a virgo for you..hmmph

Badkittykitty, How long have you been with your Virgo? Do they ever want to see you more than once a week when they learn to finally trust you and realize that they are in love? My Virgo was exactly like I wanted him to be for the first month. I guess it was until I slept with him and then it's been push pull in the month since. At first I ignored it and just thought that he was scared because he keeps coming back so he must like me, but now I'm losing my patience and I have started to voice my concerns and he seems to be responsive to that. He was so upset when I told him that his actions were making me feel rejected. He told me that it would break his heart if we weren't together anymore when I asked him if he wanted to break up. The whole conversation made us much closer, but I have the feeling that it won't be the last time I have to have that conversation with him.

gslove--the EXACT thing happened to me-omg. Things were perfecto the first month, then after we slept together he started to push pull, testing me every chance he had. I felt like I couldn't even sit correctly without his harsh and quite painful criticism. Constantly fixing my hair, my jeans, telling me my friends weren't good enough for me. I was astonished and frankly, humored. He wants the very best of the best which I gave up trying to be a looooong time ago. Now we talk about 1-2 times a MONTH, and he says he loves me more than anything in the world. Okay. Well, that's great, but my life moves to the beat of my drum--not his. He really respects that I don't wait for him. Oh, and in regards to receiving emails, IF I am lucky enough to get one, pure crumbs. No flirtation. When they are at work, it's alll work.

Hi Aqua,

One good thing is that my Virgo is not critical of me at all. At least not yet. I have heard him be critical of others though. He puts me up on a bit of a pedestal though that I'm not sure I can live up to. I hope you are dating other people aqua. That is ridiculous that he only contacts you once or twice a month. How long have you known him? Men treat you the way that you let them treat you and if you act like this doesn't bother you he will continue to keep you far away and nothing will ever develop. I think you need to tell him that his behavior is no longer acceptable to you and be prepared to give him up if he doesn't care enough to comply. My honest opinion is that you may lose him for a while but I think he will eventually come around if he really cares. I know I don't know your whole story, but even if the reasons he doesn't contact you is because of work I really think that is no excuse. There are cell phones and e-mail. I think the only way you will be able to get him to respond is to say you are moving on and mean it. I'm trying to gently set the rules from the very beginning. I told my virgo that I have a friend that is dating a guy that never calls her when he is on a business trip (he is also a virgo)and how awful and selfish I think that is of him and my virgo said to me "note to self, call her when I'm out of town." and he does. Not every day, but about once every 2 or 3 days. I also told him that being a scorpio that I also like my space but that I also like to know where I stand and that I will be checking in with him from time to time to make sure things are moving in the right direction. I thought that telling him these things would drive him away, but so far so good. I don't ever ask him where he sees the relationship going in the future though. I think that is a big no no with not only a virgo but any man who is in the early stages of a relationship. I stay in the moment.

My virgo is going to be out of town on business for about 3 weeks. He is going to be gone over Valentine's day. It's been a very long time since I have had a boyfriend on Valentine's day and I was very excited until I found out he was going to be out of town. I have been hoping that he will ask me to come and meet him somewhere over that weekend. He did ask me to go away with him before we slept together over Christmas and I said no that I didn't think that we knew each other well enough yet and he has not asked me since. I don't know if it is because he is afraid I will say no again or if he just doesn't want to ask me. Do you guys think I should bring it up to him that I would like to meet him somewhere for a weekend while he is gone or do you think that is too much for a virgo to handle after only 2 months?

gslove--that was a very insightful post. thank you. To answer you, yes I am seeing other people-but I am also in the moment, so I don't need a boyfriend per say. If I meet someone I want to get to know, I do that. The relationship with the virgo has been over for a long time now, but we still talk. He is very lonely and I value his friendship.
As for your little situation: if you really want to spend Valentine's Day with him and you are sure he doesn't have any other girls in other ports if you know what I mean, then I would plan a secret rendevouz and make it a night to never forget! You're a scorpio, so this is your best department. You girls are the best at planning romance and virgos loooovve it since they are so uptight... But make sure first, that he isn't
spending time with other women...

Hi Aqua,
It's too bad it didn't work out with your virgo. I hope you find someone worthy. You seem like a great person.

I am absolutely sure that i'm the only woman in his life, but i'm not sure a complete surprise would be appropriate at this point. He does love a mystery, but showing up unexpectedly I think would be too much pressure for him. I could just see his face if I just showed up at his hotel room without telling him I'm coming. Hahaha!! He is too much of a thinker and a planner to go for that I think. However I was thinking of wearing a pair of red panties to his house the last night I see him before he leaves and giving them to him and asking him to pack them in his suitcase and think of me while he is gone. How about it Virgo guys?? Is that something that you would like? He always says he loves my scent.

That is a great idea! Good thinking.

My ex still carries my tshirt with him on his business trips--STILL. They love the whole smell thing. In fact he still calls requesting clothes..hmm. We are over, but we aren't. You know what I mean? I don't think it will ever be entirely over.

I don't understand if you still love each other why you can't somehow work it out. How about if the two of you just try to let down all the walls and be vulnerable and just see what happens. Go out and get drunk or something and let it all out. Hahaha!!

Right?! That sounds so lovely. I wish..I moved away for grad. school, and so we live 2000 miles apart. So all play time is over the phone. Phone sex is fun though. We meet in major cities when we can afford the time and money. Last time we met in Chicago, and wow! Do I even need to tell you how that was?! He blew my mind. Then we didn't see each other for 6 months. Every time we see each other he has to know if i've slept with anyone, but he can't handle the truth. He prefers that I lie to him about that, which I understand. But I don't lie. Anyway, you know relationships aren't cut and dry are they? At least your lovely boyfriend is in the same city as you. Imagine being miles away. I would die of loneliness if I didn't get out and get to know other people.
In regard to your love interest,I was suggesting that you plan a romantic night with him either before he leaves or after he comes home. But the panty idea is to die for. That will torture him the entire time he is gone. LOVELY. And then when he comes home he will be more than excited to see you.
You seem to have spectacular boundaries with him.

I don't understand if you still love each other why you can't somehow work it out. How about if the two of you just try to let down all the walls and be vulnerable and just see what happens. Go out and get drunk or something and let it all out. Hahaha!!

hey ladies :-)

gslove to answer your question..I've known my Virgo man for a year and a half..but we started having relationship about 9 months into that.

actually it was more the opposite of your question "Do they ever want to see you more than once a week when they learn to finally trust you and realize that they are in love? "

the first month or so he tested me and would be seem surprised when ever I came after him (of coarse with this guy I did most of the chasing,so thanks mostly to me we seen each other about 3 times a week and at least called or wrote more frequently...but like I said he'd still do push me/pull me junk that baffled my mind ) but we didn't really tell each other how deeply we feel till about 2 months ago. so after that I'd swear it nearly completely pushed him away from me all together.

I'm not sure if he's now so confident in our relationship that he can throw crumbs at me from time to time and think it's fine,or now he knows he has me wrapped that the fun is gone or what..thats where I get confused.

after my last post I had to see what the hell is keeping us together anyway...generally if someone acted like this,I really wouldn't be bothered..but yet I keep coming for more.

so I did his star chart here at this site [url]http://alabe.com/freechart/[/url]

and it all made perfect sense to me now. Im a Gemini with a moon in Virgo and my rising sign in Scorpio...as it turns out he is a Virgo with a Aquarius moon and also a Scorpio rising.

before I did the chart,I thought to myself...hmm it has to be the sex thats drawing us together...because when we are around each other..we can even stop staring...and he also confessed that his mind is blown by our intensity.

so that just boiled it down for me..I'll live with crumbs I suppose (for now),if I can keep a devil in the bedroom...from time to time of coarse. but being a woman I do need the emotional aspects of a relationship..and in all seriousness..I'm not getting enough of either..so I am doubting it will last much longer.

Whoops sorry, I don't how that one posted twice. Thank God I have been reading about the Virgo man. Like I said, I'm setting the rules from the very beginning about what behavior I will accept from him. I honestly think that is the only way it will ever work out. I'm a scorpio and I demand attention damnit. Hahaha!! Just kidding. He has mentioned moving lately and I'm not sure if he is thinking of including me in that move if we are still seeing each other or if he is just planning on leaving without me. If he moves though I will not be able to keep in touch with him. It will be too hard. I would have to break the ties or I would never be able to move on from him and he will have to understand that. I am definitely going to do the panty thing and I'm also going to e-mail him some photos from New year's eve that he hasn't seen yet. That's the night we first slept together so hopefully that will affect him and make him miss me even more. :-)

He has talked about moving?? Ugh. I don't wish that on anyone. For work?
It's tough not having him to hold every night, talk to--very difficult. I am an aquarius so I seem to be able to handle not seeing him very often, but there are moments when I can't freakin' stand it and I cry, and then I let go of it. I think that if we are going to be together, then we will come together one day again but we are apart now so i date other people. I'll tell you this though, no one has come remotely close to touching my heart as he has.
Your photos will have an excellent effect, since he can look at them over and over again. That's great. TORTURE HIM!!! Then when he comes home, maybe you could make him a lovely,sensual dinner with candles and the works --class all the way. Are you two the same age?

BKK--And that sums it up really. I mean, if you need more, then it's not worth it to spend years trying to get something from someone who is just not wired to be emotionally available like you want. There are other guys out there (scorp. men are fabulous for being attentive) who would adore you like you deserve. Like we all deserve actually.
It is very difficult for me to express myself emotionally, so I am can be timid for a long time. I wish I had a more assertive personality.

Hi Badkitty,

I'm going to try to really keep the lines of communication open with my virgo. I know of one successful relationship with a cancer woman/ Virgo man and she had him moved in within 2 months and then married before a year was up and they are now trying to have a child. Completely unheard of for a Virgo right? She does have some of those same Virgo issues with him, but she is always communicating to him about how he makes her feel and what she needs from him to feel validated and he tells her what he needs too and they totally compromise. I think Virgo's want to make you happy you just have to let them know how to do it. With my Virgo I call him on his shit all the time. The other night we were in the car and I told him that I know that he needs his space and that he has a need to take things slow and that I know that he is the type of person that needs to be 150% sure of a relationship before he dives right in, but that I need certain things too and that he needs to communicate to me and that I need to always know where I stand and that as long as I know that I will give him all the space that he needs. His response to me was that he wanted me to know that once he does commit that he commits fully. Then we barely got into the house and he tore off all my clothes and in the throws of passion on the kitchen floor I told him that he was totally worth being patient for and that I was totally worth the effort too. He didn't respond to that. He just moaned😉 As long as it continues to go like this I will be happy with the challenge.

Hi Aqua,

Yes, we are close to the same age. I'm 42 and he is 45. We both look really young and thought the other was too young for us when we first met. We were both relieved that we were the same age.

I really am worried about him moving. I can't believe that he would be able to just move away if things are going well. To answer your question no, there is no reason at all for him to move. He is just thinking about it he said and he was showing me pictures of houses in a magazine from there. I really didn't know why he was showing me the pictures. It was probably some sort of test and I should of said right away that I didn't want him to move away, but I didn't. I just played it cool and told him that the area and the houses looked nice. Next time he mentions it I will defintely say something to him. I can't be afraid to hear the answer he gives me.

Right. You can't be afraid, and he probably was in some way testing you. But is he considering moving out of town?

How Cool, this site changed my bad word to "I call him on his "butter" all the time instead of sh@#. I love that.

Not only out of town but to a whole other state. He is trying to sell his house now and I asked him if he was planning to move after his house sold and he said maybe but I'm sure it's going to take forever to sell my house. So I have no idea what to make of all that. Even if he does ask me to move with him I can't see myself giving up my life and doing it unless I have a marriage proposal. My home is where the heart is not where I live, but I would have to know that his heart is with me too. Like I said. I'm not the type that would let him move and continue to be friends. I would definitely have to cut off all ties. It would just be too painful. Obviously if he moves away he doesn't care enough about me so I would have to just give it up totally and move on as miserable as I would be about it. I think that there may have to be a conversation about that before he gets too much in love with this idea of moving away.

I agree with you about that because it sounds like you are really falling for this guy. Don't fall too far without knowing ... I moved away with the understanding that he was going to come out later--he never did. Apparently he had some secrets that he felt he couldn't tell me that affected my ability to trust him later. He felt that omission wasn't the same as lying. I believe withholding information is the same as lying and so I was hurt by what I found out. So there is this huge void between us - we rarely address it but it has definitely hurt things.
Just make clear that you need things on the table--not for drama's sake, but for your sake, it's only fair to know everything upfront.. the longer you wait to talk the worse things can get.

Good advice! Thanks!!

hey ladies :-) these virgo's are maddening aren't they?

Aquarianna you are right..if I know what I need why should I settle for less? after my last post I called him and was friendly as possible..can you guess what he said to me?

he went over his mins last month and he needs to limit his time talking to me! can you believe that? I've really had it here..so as crumby as this is I just wrote him a "dear john" letter...

I'm sitting on it for a min cause I know after I mail it he won't be groveling at my feet for forgiveness or anything...and I really will miss him...we also have plans for lunch and the weekend..part of me really wants to give him a chance another part of me wants to kick him out my life thud.

I know once gslove my Virgo was talking about moving as well..didn't sound like I was in his plans at all..when I asked him WTH? he basically said he was thinking out loud to me and shouldn't have and he has no intension on going any where...your Virgo might be over imagining out loud to.

I do believe my virgo and trust what he says to be true...thats the one great thing about him..but yes Aquarianna my virgo also has said to me about lying that not telling things isn't the same as lying...where do they come up with that logic eludes me.

I know, it just blows my mind when a man doesn't think omission is the exact same damn thing as lying. But if I were to withhold info., he'd drop me like a bad habit. I can't dig the double standard and different rules per gender. I truly believe in complete equality.
But, with my ex boyfriend, I knew quickly that communication was very difficult for him and so I had to be very patient.

Hi girls,

badkitty, you need to definitely send that Dear John letter. Maybe you should post it here first and get some opinions about it from us before you send :-) I think if there is any hope it all for this relationship it will be from standing up for yourself and demanding better treatment. he has been doing this because you are allowing it. I have a lot of girlfriends who are in relationships with Virgos and they all say you have to slowly and carefully keep asking for what you want in the right way. One thing about Virgos is that they don't like to displease you and when you bring up what is bothering you it will a lot of times get you the response that you want as long as you are not being accusing and you come from what you need and not what he is not giving. I know it's scary because they are also brutally honest and you may not want to hear what they have to say. Maybe he is trying to break away from you by telling you that his minutes are up and this Dear John letter will bring that out and you can get on with your life...or maybe it will bring something else up and make him break out of his safety comfort zone and step up to the plate.

Aqua,
I agree with you. If we don't slowly force these Virgos to communicate nothing will ever happen. As painful as it is for them I really think that once they get used to it they may actually like it. We have to be prepared for the pull away though every time they open up a little. :-) I think though that the more they open up the more they will learn to trust.

I have a friend who has been dating a virgo for over 9 months and at first it went so very very painfully slow. He used to go out of town on business for a month at a time and would never call while he was gone. It took him 7 months to hold her hand for the first time and didn't kiss her until New Year's eve. He would actually almost run away from her if she made the slightest move towards him. They just had sex for the first time last weekend. Since that first kiss, Now all of a sudden he has totally changed. He wants to see her every day. He wants to meet her entire family. He is on a business trip this week and called her 3 times yesterday. I asked her what happened and she has no idea. She is curious to know how it all changed all of a sudden too so she asked me to pretend like I'm talking to him about my virgo and ask him what made him change. hahaha!! I think it's a good plan.

Yes, and the difficult trick is not assuming - not trying to figure out what caused the change. Just let it be. That, is difficult, very. But it's a great life lesson to not try to figure it out. What's going on in someone else's head is usually very different from what we think is going on. Communication is a must. How to do that, is also very tedious with a virgo man, since they pull back as soon as they give.

yes, I actually thought that my virgo was pulling back really hard after he opened up to me last weekend especially since he told me he was thinking of moving the next morning, but he actually also seems to be coming a little closer at the same time. Right after he told me he was moving he bought me the flowers then he actually made a plan for the next weekend which he never does and I've talked to him by e-mail 3 times this week and he hates e-mail so I know it's not much, but it is a little progress :-)
I usually don't hear from him at all during the week. He just usually tries to run into me at the coffee shop on Thursdays and casually asks me out for Saturday. I stopped going to the coffee shop on Thursdays so that it forces him to actually contact me for a date now.

Hey, I'm back! Thank you all for your posts! It was very interesting to read about your experiences with a virgo.

So my situation changed last Friday. We had a very open and honest talk about us and we both decided that it's better to be friends for now. When he told me a while ago that he still isn't ready to fully committ again and can't give 100% right now, I thought I could handle the situation and we said we would just take things slowly. However, everytime we saw each other after that I felt that he was holding back which made me hold back in return. I like him so much and I always want to be around him but I realized that I couldn't really be myself because of that situation and it was killing me.

So on Friday we had a very romantic dinner. We started to talk about us and it was clear to me right away where this was going. I told him that I thought I can handle the situation but that I realized I can't. He told me that if he would just listen to his heart then it would be clear to him but his head tells him that he's not ready yet. He took my hand and was holding it all the time while he told me very personal things. He said that he's falling in love with me but he doesn't want to ruin things cause he isn't totally emotionally available yet. He's worried that if things go on that way, it would drive me away from him cause he's a little walled-up sometimes. We agreed that we should stop having romantic dinners, sleeping together, etc. It was very sad but I knew it was the right thing to do. He also said that he doesn't want to date other people again and that this is only about us and about getting to the point where he can have a serious relationship with me and not about wanting to date other people again. He also made me promise him that if in a while from now I think that I can't do the friendship thing anymore and it's either all or nothing for me, that I won't just walk away from him and disappear but that I will tell him so that he can do something about it.

In the end he looked me deeply in the eyes and told me that he really likes me and that he knows he can't expect me to wait for him but he said "Please don't give up on me yet". The way he said it was so intense and he almost looked teary-eyed. I was totally moved. I told him that I really like him too and I don't want to give up on him. It was the most intense moment we ever had. He said that this was all he needed to know.

The next day I wrote him a long selfless I-set-you-free-letter and left it outside his door. I told him that I want him to take all the time he needs and that I want him to concentrate on himself for now and not worry about me or us and that I'm always there for him. I also said that no matter what the outcome is, in the end he will be happy and free again and that's all that's matters. And I said that while he's taking his time to figure things out, I want him to know that I really like him and that I won't give up on him. He found the letter the next day and said that it was wonderful and thanked me a lot for it.

We hung out at a cafe yesterday, had a great time as always but it was hard for me to be just friends. When I said goodbye he wanted to give me a little kiss but I turned away and just hugged him even though all I really wanted was to kiss him. We'll keep hanging out (he asked me if I want to do sth tonight) but I'm going to miss being close to him so much. Well, if I really can't do it then I'll call him and tell him like he made me promise him.

He is the first guy I ever met where I think he could be the one and I want to do things right. I think my obsession and being in love with him is turning into love and I don't want to lose him. I'm wondering if I should really act like a friend now, give him a lot of space and hope that he will miss me and that this will make him get over his past faster, or if I should keep in touch a lot and show him every once in a while that I

Oh boy. Well, I don't know if there really is a possiblity of you two being just friends since that line has been crossed. Seeing him is too difficult since you love him. I find that just keeping the relationship to phone conversations is less painful, but still just as frustrating. He sounds very confused. Poor guy. But listen. I heard the same song and dance from my mr. virgo, and now it's been 4 years and he is still a mess, expecting me to be there only on his terms, and never emotionally available for me. I guess in the end, you owe it to yourself to realize that you have very important needs. He's not the only one with needs. And if your needs are going unmet for an extended period of time, this will eventually hurt your self-esteem, which takes alot of work to rebuild. Ponder how to invest in yourself here and still love him. I don't envy you. This last relationship nearly ruined me because I was so scared of losing him, that I sold my soul so to speak to be at his every beck and call.

Hi Daniela,

I have to agree with Aqua. I know exactly how you feel though. I'm so worried that my virgo is going to give me that speech. I really hope not. In fact I thought he was going to give me that speech on Saturday night but thank goodness he didn't. He just asked me to be patient for a little while longer, but that he does really care for me and he can't imagine us not together.

I don't think you should see him at all. I think with virgo men that they have so much control that they can handle having a relationship with no intimacy as long as he can still see you and know that you are waiting for him, but if he really has feelings for you I don't think he will let you go completely from his life and he will have to get control of his fears and try a little harder if you get strong about it. The fact that he told you that he wants you to tell him if you think you can't handle just friendship is very telling. I may be wrong but I think that if he feels like you have lost patience and that you are feeling rejected and that you need to move on because you need to take care of you it might just scare him enough. Virgo's do not like to be rejected either. Maybe if you leave it open ended tell him that you have too much respect for yourself to stay in such a painful relationship where the feelings are not reciprocated but that if he ever changes his mind to call you and if you are still available that you would gladly give it another try. It just might work. Then after a month or so try somehow to just happen to run into him somewhere.....:-)

If I ever get that speech that is what I'm going to do. There is no way I could handle trying to be just friends.

I think you will meet someone else in no time at all and he will end up being really sorry in the end. I just had an ex e-mail me out of the blue that I broke it off with because he said he wasn't ready to move on after his divorce (he had been divorced for 4 years for god's sake). He was not a virgo. It's been almost a year since we broke up and NOW he wants me back. It was very satisfying to tell him that I had met someone else and that it was too late. I really thought that I would love him forever. There really is something to that old saying that if you love something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be. He told me that his next girlfriend he won't make the same mistake.

Update with my Mr. Virgo. He actually sent me another e-mail yesterday (4 in one week)to make sure that we were still on for tonight and told me that he was going to cook for me. He went out and bought a new dining room table and plates and everything so he is excited about his kitchen. Then he asked me if I knew of any super bowl parties we could go to. Yay, I'm so excited. It's Thursday and we already have 2 plans for the weekend. I think that talk we had last Saturday really worked. It sounds so stupid to get so excited, but it is the little things with these guys you know?? Baby steps!! Let's hope nothing happens to scare him off again this weekend LOL!!

It's over.

He just called me and told me that he needs to talk to me in person when he comes back from a weekend trip on Sunday evening. I asked him good or bad cause I already knew what it was about. We talked a bit on the phone then. He said that he feels things are awkward and he realized that he can't go on like this. It's either all or nothing for him and he isn't ready for "all" right now. He said that if he was ready for a new relationship it would be with me but he isn't ready right now.

So we're going to talk on Sunday but it's practically over already. I'm so shocked. I thought that I had finally found the right guy and I'm totally in love with him.

Daniela06

I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship ending..that sucks. so when he's ready for a relationship it will be with you..does he think your gonna wait around for him or something? well defiantly don't wait for him..thats isn't fair to you at all.

it seems all of us here are in a very different stage of development with our virgo's.

I sat on my dear john letter...like I told yens about and told myself I'll listen to you guys and tell him exactly what it is I need in our relationship or I can't continue..the results shocked me.

I didn't even get to bring it up..he did! but in his lumped up virgo way of coarse...he announced our relationship isn't satisfying..I looked shocked and said "damn right"...and then he went on about how it's all his fault and loves his time with me and misses me terribly,huh?

so then I told what I need..he said he will find a way to communicate with me everyday..even if it's a paragraph in a e-mail..he'll do it...then I said he wasn't emotional enough either and women need reassurance from time to time..he says well I'm a man..I was like yeah and? he didn't say anything.

so he suddenly became more mushy than ever..he says he thinks about me all the time and is always worried that I'll get fed up with him..that he'll never be enough for me..that he doesn't have the time he wants to give me and he knows it isn't enough and he's sorry.

I think this is a start but I am still skeptical of coarse cause I don't get how any one can feel all this and not talk to the one they love for a week solid and throw them scraps...so I won't hold my breath.

infact I'm guessing next week will be same old same old. *sigh*

Hi all,

Daniela, I'm so sorry that it's not working out with your virgo. I would ask him what he is feeling ackward about and why he feels that he can't go on like this. Do you know what he means by that? If you have only been dating 2 months why does he feel that it has to be all or nothing? Does he feel pressured to make that decision right now? Why is he not feeling safe to take things slowly and just see how they develop? Does he feel that you have given him some sort of ultimatum? Has there been some sort of misunderstanding between the two of you? Has your telling him what you need made him feel like he can't make you happy? These are the questions I would ask him on Sunday. Maybe this kind of talk can salvage something IF you really want to salvage it.

From my personal experience Daniela, the talking will just continue to be cyclical. In the end, you either may go MAD, or close to it. Letting go may be your only choice to save your emotional well being.
Remember: you are responsible to see that your needs are met. If he can't participate in this relationship with you, cut him loose and you will meet someone eventually who can give his all to the relationship.
It hurts doesn't it? Man I know. I truly do.

I would tend to agree with Aqua if this had been going on for years, but then again it has only been two months. I don't think he has had enough time to develop enough feelings for you yet and you might be being impatient like I have been with my virgo.

When I told my guy last Saturday that I realized that he just got out of a long, bad relationship just 6 months ago and that I know he isn't totally ready for a relationship yet and that I understood and would try to be patient and that we should just have fun it really seemed to help a lot and he now seems much more relaxed and able to open up and just let the feelings for me develop instead of worrying that I'm going to try to force him into something that he isn't ready for yet. It does worry me though because when I think about the shape I was in 6 months after my last serious relationship there is no way I would have been even able to be as intimate with anyone else as he has been with me that quickly.

He is getting ready to go out of town on business for 3 weeks and he said something about "I wonder if my house will be sold by the time I get back" and I told him that I hoped not because I didn't want him to move away and he just kind of dismissed it and said that would be a long time away. I'm hoping that means he isn't really serious about moving to another state. That makes me feel a little bit calmer now. My defense mode was making me want to break it off with him before I got too attached and he moves away, but I realize I'm already attached so I might as well see where it goes for a while. I guess I will just see where we are at the 6 month mark before I start getting impatient again. :-)