In love with virgo male - should I break up with h (Page 2)

Hi Sweethearts,
I think that is what we are all trying to figure out here on this board and none of us has been able to figure anything out at all. You have probably read all of my posts and those of the others here and how it's back and forth with them all of the time. My Virgo went from telling me how he has so many feelings for me and how he can't imagine us not together to telling me he doesn't want to see me anymore because he needs time to heal from his last relationship all in one weeks time also. He just left on a 3 week business trip this morning and as of last night we are now broken up. He bought me flowers last weekend, cooked me an amazing dinner on Friday night, went to a superbowl party with me yesterday where we had a really good time and then when it was time to go back to the house to get intimate he got really uncomfortable and nervous acting and all of a sudden looked at his watch and said that he needed to pack for his trip and basically sent me home with a limp goodnight kiss and hug. I got in the car to go home feeling very rejected and confused by his actions so I decided to call him and see if something was bothering him and he just broke up with me just like that. He told me he was scared and confused. He didn't say he needed more time or anything like that, he said point blank. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." I am in total shock right now. We just seemed to have a real breakthrough in our relationship and now he is totally running scared. In my experience giving them space does not work. Trying to get them to communicate doesn't work. NOTHING works with these guys. Even he doesn't know what is going on in his own head from one minute to the next. I have a feeling I will hear from again eventually, but I'm moving on. I am in no way going to e-mail him or contact him or try to convince him he is making a mistake. I'M DONE!! I would like to think that he could do or say something that might undo the damage but I don't really think so. Even if he does come around I don't think I can ever trust him again and I will always worry that he will run scared again and again. I really care about him but I beg for the strength to let it go and just move on.

Wow! I can't decide if I've landed in Virgo Heaven or Hell! I am a Pisces female whose experienced so much of what has been stated here. The last three men I've had an attraction for have ALL been Virgos. Currently, there is a Virgo male who I just adore. I think he's attracted to me but it's really hard to tell. I catch him looking at me but rarely does he never sit down next to me to talk. When is does approach there is always another body between us or someone else in the conversation. Only once has he saddled up direclty to talk to me; he even had to shoo some other guy away to get him to leave us alone for a while. They can be really sweet, then suddenly tackless. Right now I could use some input. My Virgo and I instanlty got along. It wasn't a thunderbolt, just felt like I met my long, lost friend. I didn't start out reading anything into it but it was obvious we liked each other from the start. Lately, things have ground to a halt. What used to be a river of feeling between us is now down to a trickle. Do most Virgo males behave this way? Do they behave this way if they are attracted to you.

Hi Catfish,
Have you not read any of our posts?? Like Cancerbuddy said. They are all train wrecks. 😉 I can't believe after going through 3 other Virgo's already that you are still trying. One was enough for me. I wish you luck.

it's all true..whats going on with virgo's on this board.

my update isn't much different from everyone else's. my last post I told my virgo what I need and he became a mushy man..and of coarse after that I didn't hear from him all weekend.

we went out yesterday and guess what happened? yeah..he says I'm to emotional and he doesn't need this stressful relationship...I look on in horror..what happens next? he grabs me and hugs me and says "I love you" (the first time he truely spit it out in those words) then literally ran to his car and speed off.

I really can't take this fricken roller coaster ride any longer...I'm telling him off this week...wish me luck.

Wow badkitty, He sounds really confused. I haven't heard from my Virgo since our big blow up on Sunday night and I hope I don't it will be much easier that way. I'm reading an e-book right now called "Catch Him and Keep Him" by Christian Carter. Boy have I been making some big mistakes according to him. Hahaha!!!

Ohh man?. I am blushing?


Cancerbuddy said something (positive) for a change about Virgos?

I am Honoured?

Honestly?

Virgo do this.. Virgo do that..
Virgo is responsible.. Virgo is—??.—whatever?.

You guys kidding me..?? Right..??

What the hell are you talking about..??... Personal experience..??... Well it is ?personal? aint it..?

You guys DESERVE IT if you ask me?!


Stop making those (fairytales) and (romantic) BS..It?s in your HEAD

Weather you like it or not..!

The truth is?

Read the story??.


While love has been addressed by thinkers ranging from Plato to Dr. Phil, the matter of the metaphysics and epistemology of love have not been given a great deal of attention. This brief essay is presented in the hopes of rectifying this situation.

When one person, Jane, loves another, Dick, the question arises as to what it is exactly that she loves. The easy and obvious answer is that she loves Dick. But that simply raises questions about who Dick is and what it is about him that she loves.

In the ideal of romantic love, Jane would love Dick himself and not his qualities or possessions. After all, those qualities and possessions change and can also be possessed by others. Intuitively, we do not regard the ideal romantic love as something that will fade with change or something that can be transferred to another person with similar qualities. For example, if Jane loves Dick because of his money or how he looks in a swimsuit, then she would presumably love Tom or Harry if they had the same (or more) money and looked equally good (or better) in a swimsuit. Such interchangeable love is obviously hardly romantic.

What is needed, it would seem, is something that lies beneath all the qualities and possessions. This something would be what makes the person, in this case Dick, the person he is and separates him from all others.

Fortunately, such an entity is readily available in philosophy-it is known as a bare particular. A bare particular is a rather mysterious metaphysical entity. It is bare because it does not have any qualities of its own beneath all the qualities that it supports. It is a particular because there is only one of each (and each one can only be in one location at a time).

In philosophical tradition the bare particular is supposed to be what distinguishes each individual thing for all other things. Such an entity would do quite nicely for the problem at hand. In ideal love one person simply loves the bare particularity of another as opposed to qualities or possessions that can change or be duplicated by another.

Unfortunately, there is a rather serious problem with this notion of love. When we interact with the world we interact with various qualities and properties. For example, Jane can see Dick in his bathing suit and she can see his bank account balance. But it would seem to be impossible for her to somehow be aware of his bare particularity. Since it has no qualities there would seem to be nothing to experience. Given this, it simply does not seem possible for Jane to be aware of Dick's bare particularity in order to be in love with him. This would seem to take love back to being about detectable qualities.

Of course, having love rest on detectible qualities might not be so bad after all. In fact, it seems more realistic and intuitive than the idea of some sort of ideal metaphysically based concept of love. When one person talks about why she loves another, she will talk about the qualities the person possesses. Dating services also make a big deal about testing people for various qualities and using them to find compatibility and love. Many scientists talk about the emotion of love as being driven by genes in search of suitable genes to combine with-presumably this drive is aimed at particular empirical qualities. Given this evidence, it seems reasonable to conclude that when Jane loves Dick, she loves his qualities.

But even that does not seem quite right. One thing

Hmm... Many gems of truth in that article...

That is the challenge of being in love is it not? To get to know someone well enough that the 'idea' you have of them is close to who they really are. Then you know that you are truly in love with that person. And that takes a whole lot of time and commitment. So when we say we love someone - think first - have we already put that time and effort into knowing the real person.

That's my personal philosophy, and why I don't take relationships lightly 😉. Of course that could partly be the scorp in me too LOL!

Scorpgal

And hey - we can still be 'romantic' even knowing all that can't we— There is the second challenge 😉

Scorpgal

If you pretend..??.. why not?

And hi.. my lady?

Missed you?🙂

Thank goodness one of the sexes believes in fairytales and romance or no one would ever end up getting together.:-)

Hi Qbone - good to see you too!!

No, I don't like to pretend... That's why I like to get to know someone before the romance begins... Then I can be genuine. But surely we can have a bit of romance before we fall in love with the 'real' person. That is part of discovering who they really are 🙂.

Scorpgal

Good to see u too my Scorpgal.. as I ve said.. missed you too..

How are you lady..??

This board (however) busted with IDIOTS.. you know..🙂

Hmmm...I'm a bit confused ScorpGal5 - you say you "like to get to know someone before the romance begins...then I can be genuine." What if you were genuine to begin with and allowed the relationship to unfold in it's own time - even during the romance as this too is part of the relationship? To me, if I desire a relationship with a "real" person then it must begin with me being real at the onset of any relationship. I also feel that we will always be discovering someone as long as we are in a relationship with them...change is constant. The choice is whether we want to go the distance and is this relationship enhancing my life, my world and me.

Awesome article "Q"! as always you crack open the door to let the light shine in 🙂

Thank you~

Hi Freebird,

I like to think I am always genuine... I was responding to Qbone's comment about pretending.

The conversation was about thinking we are 'in love' and who/what we are in love with. I just meant that I would never express that I was in love with someone early on in a relationship - that's just not realistic and doesn't fit with the idea of loving the real person that you can only get to know later. I would want to be more sure that I was in love with the real person - not just the idea of them - before I expressed any sentiments like that.

Hmm - not sure if that explains or not? I'm pretty sure we actually share similar views on this subject.

Scorpgal

I completely understand SG5 what you are saying now - thanks for explaining and...yes, we do share very similar views on this subject 😉 So, how ya doing these days?

My lady freebird...

I am chanting..... woow.. wooo. woooo... would you EVER.. replace your Virgo?. (I am still standing on the line)?😄

I LOVE TO PLAY WITH FIRE AND GET BURNED..

How are you my lady..?? long time no see..😢

I?ve missed your wisdom?..dearly..

My lady scorpgal5?

Most of the time.. We are creating and idealizing the person we are going to in love with.

In time? we get the truth, that this person is eligible or not.. ?but the IDEA still exist for the rest of our life time?.

Same as the religion and the belief? we need to hang on something ?and since we don?t trust outside effect, we idealize it even we actually living with our imaginations till the end?.

Imaginations/compromising?. These two elements are the main force behind every (love relationships).

Think about it sometimes?

This is the ultimate truth with the Virgo?s mysterious stepping back.

Waking up in to hard reality and calculating between the real LOVE.. or the IDEA of being in love. We can call it infatuations? its not LOVE?Its only the imaginations.

Be HONEST with your feelings?. And DO NOT IDEALISE?.

Qbone - You are right, the idea of someone does last for a lifetime. Maybe that is what helps us make it through those tough times 😉 . As long as we are truly being honest with ourselves that might not be a bad thing...

And Freebird and Qbone - thanks for asking after me. I am well - very busy at work. That is a good thing although it does take time from other things that I enjoy... Otherwise, life is relatively drama free at the moment. The past winter has been full of tension between myself and my Virgo friend - but today the sun is shining and the past couple of weeks have seen things ease and almost return to 'normal'.

Yes, the famous 'Virgo stepping back' struck a while ago but then it was my turn LOL!! I think it was Glee who mentioned a while ago about one particular dynamic between Virgo and Scorpio relationships which is the fact that both can be incredibly stubborn... But it appears we are both also equally as tenacious so here we are still (although as usual I'm not sure exactly where 🙂 ).

Take care all.
Scorpgal

Thank uoi my lady..

I hope your understanding helps other to find their path? in the mean time.. I missed you.. how are you lady. personaly..:??

no,no I didn't just fall in love with a idea of what I thought my Virgo man could be,I fell in love with his representative...and thats the problem.

the guy who threw himself into the relationship is the one I want not the one who when ever we take a step forward we take 3 steps back.

he put on a act and I fell for it,and thats not some thing some one deserves is it? I would say not.

the reason I'm trying to find out about Virgo men is because all of this stuff is baffling to me.

well a update on my Virgo man is I broke up with him.(or visa-versa depending on ones point of view) we went out again had a wonderful time,told each other how much we love each other and the next day he tells me we need to see each other less..so I told him "no I'm sorry thats not something I can do."

he then tells me he wants to marry me and can't right now but wonders if we can be friends,I tell him no,I tell it's because I love him that I can't go on like this and I'll miss him..so what does he say..well I won't miss you..*sigh* fine..it's over.

Bad Kitty,
I FEEL for you. Stick to your guns. No matter what happpens you will win out in the end.

thank you gslove

I'm sure your right...it will be best for both of us I'm sure..if he wants me he knows what to do..and if he can't then he won't come for me. thats how I look at it,and this will spare me more pain in the future.

like I had said once before this man is very honest..so chances are he indeed won't miss me there for I defiantly did the right thing...who wants a guy who wouldn't even miss them when there gone?

though he corrected his error and said he was being sarcastic..but who cares,whats said is said. he's a grown man why resort to games? or is that how he deals with pain or something..I don't know but I can't be bothered.

I'm going out to get sh*t faced and that will be that (I hope) I'm sorry to hear what happened with your Virgo gslove.I'm under the impression with Virgo men now that telling them what you need is not a option...it's their way or the hi-way.

Bad Kitty,

I know what you mean about them being so honest. I can't even be mad at my virgo. He gave me exactly what I asked for. The truth!! It is still so confusing though. My toothbrush (that he bought me just 2 weeks before all of this happened) is still sitting in the glass next to his on his bathroom counter and he will see it when he gets home from his trip. He had just cooked me a 4 course meal and opened up an $ 80 bottle of wine 2 days before our break up conversation. I can name you a million things that he did for me every week to show that he cared. Am I just fooling myself?? Could I have been that wrong with my instincts that he really cared for me? How could he do all of those things knowing that he was pulling me in closer every time just to push me away the next day. If he really needed to take it slow then he shouldn't have done all of those things to make me think that he was really ready for more. *sigh* I'm going to drive myself crazy if I don't stop thinking about the whole thing. I really need to just forget about it and move on, but I just wish I had more closure. I know if I contacted him he would talk to me but I just can't get myself to do it. If he cares about me at all then he will contact me. I have to leave the ball in his court. It will be a week tomorrow since our break-up and he is out of town on business until the end of the month. I wonder if he has even thought about the whole thing for even a minute. I wonder if he has any regrets at all or if he just feels relief to be out of the whole thing. It kills me that I may never know. In the meantime I am staying busy, going out with my friends and trying to move on. What else can I do?

Hi, I'm a virgo male, I'm 22, and I stumbled across this page.
I read all 6 pages. I'd also like cancer buddy and all of you to
look at the horrible traits that these virgos all seem to have,
and then imagine yourselves in their shoes. Second of all, it seems
many of you ladies are scorpios. Personally, I really don't like scorpios.
Scorpios have mean nasty vindictive souls, and never tell their whole story.
You know what i'm talking about. They are also from atleast my virgo standpoint,
very snappy and hot cold. You try too hard to be soft, because you dont want people to know that you are really hard, and shy because of that. Sometimes I wonder if you are only with men because youre supposed to be and its easier that way. Virgo understands this because he is similar. He liked you before any of his friends did, convinced them that they should probably think about being nice to you, and then got shit on by their egos as all of his guy friends started picking on him, cause he was waiting for the girl in the bus shelter posters rather than sleeping with the real ugly fat girl whos dad hit her and couldn't talk properly, and they were getting laid allll the time. He got called a homo,
and probably from 13 to 17 took it a little hard, cause he felt that he was right about treating girls with respect and not like animals. After that, the girls got into being animals, and wanted to be smacked around in the bedroom, in the way he would have killed his own dad if he even had one if that dick ever touched his mother like that. Most of the virgo guys I have met were abandoned by
their fathers in one way or another at an early age. They also seem to have a secret fear of making things happen just by thinking they will. Horrible things, like people getting in car accidents or being kidnapped. Try it, tell your virgo that if so and so keeps jogging by the lake, shes going to get kidnapped. You will likely get something along the lines of "with that attitude she might." Which seems dark, but virgo really believes in wierd shit like psychic connections, and "You get what you ask for." Don't complain to him that youre getting fat, and then buy ice cream. He might just not eat any to see how long it takes you to eat the whole tub. He'll probably tell you to stop eating the ice cream, but he'll gladly let you eat it if you don't listen. He probably spent so much time making sure his mom was happy as a kid, as his dad horribly mis-treated her, that he is afraid of becoming the man he tried to protect her from, as well as afraid of being seen as a mommas boy at the same time. (Especially by his guy friends, who called him a homo so much as a kid, because he actually LIKED girls, when they really didn't.) If you can figure that puzzle out, please e-mail the answer to every virgo on the planet ASAP.
Thank you. (My mom told me to be courtious in writing)
- MiLO83 (Don't call me no sissy)

I'm a gemini with a scorpio rising and a virgo moon,
he is a virgo with a scorpio rising and a aquarius moon.

so some of what your saying edison I can see on the surface with both of us..but he is a triple whammy in the cold ,detached, aloof department...I don't understand your puzzle that needs solved though...maybe cause I'm so in absorbed with my situation I can't concentrate on much of anything.

well I wrote in anouther thread I couldn't stick to my guns either..I wrote him a e-mail on monday he wrote back saying he's being 'kind '

then I talked to him on the phone a couple of times through the week..we are going to be friends but it felt strained. by friday afternoon we visit and he brings me games and some movies and we have a nice chat.friday night he leaves me a message that "he will miss me" *sigh* WTF? has something to do with last week I'm sure but damn him anyway. I didn't bother calling him back.

well I really have done all I can do right..I told him my feelings, I ran away , I came back what more can a girl do anyway? cancerbuddy; I really should listen to you and give him a rest...they are so enchanting and confounding all at once...a true puzzle to be solved.

Edison: You are only 22, give it time, please. Virgo and Scorpio, are AMAZING together!

The reciprocal calming of the nerves/neuroticism/fears/insecurities, the silence, the sex, the honesty, the simplest actions/situations/outlooks - it's ALMOST religious! And then, there are the orgasms..........

Thank you so much your posts have been very enlightening and it is nice to know I am not alone in my quest to make my Virgo lover really truly love me. I am a 35 cancerian woman and met Ed the Irish Virgo (bad combo for communication) three months exactly.

For the first month he was full on - told me that I was the woman he had been looking for, for so long, why hadn't I been snapped up by another man before now and could I get used to being with him for the next 80 years. At that time I wanted to take things slowly, as cautious crabs are known for - didnt want to show my vulnerability and acted all tough and unaffected by him (all a lie by the way as I knew from the first night of meeting him that I was attracted and thought he was the one - this very rarely happens to me)

So we had amazing sex for the first two months, I was feeling more and more like I could trust him even though at times he can come out with some weird comments that you just go to yourself huh?? what the hell is he on about.

Then in the last couple of weeks I have noticed that we dont talk about anything on a deeper level yet I am busting at the seams to tell him how I feel and that he is special to me. I dont want to scare him away by coming on too strong but then again I am worried that if I dont communicate to him about what he means to me then he will get bored and go and be left without knowing that I truly love him. Sex has also dropped off from doing it everyday to maybe three times a week. I crave to be with him and am now too scared to initiate anything in case I am rejected. He also has stopped any nice things that he used to say. He discussed his plans for the next 3 years (minus me and that hurt and I didnt pull him up on it I just listened and felt hurt)

He always wants me to come over each night but we just dont talk about anything -on Sunday we had brunch and it was pure silence. It is killing me - I need to say something to him but not sure what will hit the mark with him and after reading all the other messages from you guys worried that he will run and leave me.

Jeez I feel I am powerless and I dont like this feeling at all. It is my birthday soon and I would like to be able to tell him that he is an important part of my life and that I want him around. Is this enough to get him to open up and go back to how he was two months ago.

Thanks I appreciate your help

Joelle from Australia 🙂

Hi Joelle,

Your story sounds very familiar. I won't write it all out again, but you can go back through my posts and read my story which is very similar. I finally lost my head and could not be patient anymore and forced him into an answer about how he felt about me and his readiness for a relationship and I scared the hell out of him and he ran so far that he moved away. I thought I lost him forever. Now 5 months later, out of the blue he is sending me e-mails again telling me that he is moving back to town. I have no idea what that means, but I know this time I will be very cautious and I will continue to date other people. My suggestion to you is to try to do some things for you and give him some space. Start making yourself busy with your own interests and don't be so available so he will be challenged again like he was at the beginning. Be the first to get off the phone, the first to break the kiss, the first one to leave to do your own thing. This will make him realize that you are not trying to smother him and give him room to decide what he wants out of your relationship. Just watch how this will make him come forward again.

hello everyone:

ok boy i am i going through it. my virgo man i have been something (i say something because i don't what the hell we are/were) since feb 2003.

he moved out, about a month ago - because he had been out all weeekend, i seen him a couple of time through out the weekend. by the time sunday at 10pm came i was like "ok, the party is over come home now." so i called him - mind you i called hime that morning at 4am and he and i spoke for about an hour he was suppose to be on his way home from moms house, but as i said 10pmn he had not dhown up. any other time when i call he comes home - so called we spoke about up coming things he need to do that required money - told him i had him like i always had him in the past (for just about everything) he blurted out, i don't want to wait and i really don't want any money for you anymore i need to do it myself. so went on with how we don't communicate anymore he said our comm was great, i pounder at how he is stripping me of everything that good of me for him like fussing over his health (he has sugar, mind you that i got him on his feet with). he was silent for a moment, then i said either i am in or out. so he said he think it's time for him to go - i can do better with out him. he drinks etc. no job and he leaning on me in addition to having a gambling problem. i accept him for who he is and all i have been doing for the past three years was get him on his feet.

this past week he come by twice and wanted to have sex, i did. afterwards he just put on his clothes and leave before we moved in he would fall a sleep spend the day but now he just leaves. through out our entire realationship we have these up's and serious downs.

what the hell am i going to do. the moment i get over him here he comes. he and i have a baby - but now that he going through something the baby isn't his primary concern.

please help..

This is crazy. I am quite blown away by how similar all these stories are to mine. I used to be more of a cynic, but this is uncanny. There is definately something extra about Virgo men. Trust me to fall for the biggest challenge known to any woman. Mine hasn't been in contact for weeks, but I am so sure of the deep connection that I cannot believe it is my imagination. Friends say he could be screwing other girls, but I just don't think he is like that (then I tell myself I am probably being naive, I just don't like to tar all men with the same brush, it is too simple) I think he is scared. I dunno what to do. Anyway, it is late. I will post my story tomorrow if anyone is interested. Good to know I am not alone. It is doing my head in!
Could do with some male Virgo perspective...

Daniela06, reading your post is quite scary as it sounds exactly like what i am going through right now. Just yesterday i asked most of the same questions to my girlfriends. I have been seeing my Virgo male for about 2 months or so and i have never felt this way about any man before. I actually find myself trying to look for things wrong with him so as to protect myself.. but as i keep getting told, stop looking for something that isn't there.

I think as an Aries i am used to being caught up in emotion and passion and (i hate to say it) drama. I have never really had things go so slowly and carefully before. I feel like i have to keep proving myself to him. Most times i have to message or call him but he tells me that every time he hears from me he gets excited (why he cant pick up the phone himself). Just last weekend his whole attitude took a big turn (for the best) and he was openly, and overly, affectionate. Making me feel wonderful yet completely gobsmacked at the same time. I have been so used to him keeping me at an arms length that i was more than a little surprised. At first i thought the beer was talking but after spending a great night together he was the same in the morning. When he dropped me home however, there was NO mention of when we would see eachother again. My heart is going mental!! I can't help but think he let his guard down a little that night. For the first time i felt like i was seeing who he really was in a relationship situatinon.

I have no idea if he is sleeping with other people however, i suspect he isnt. (well i hope he isnt) He tells me he isnt looking for a gf but what is happening between us contradicts that (his words). So i guess i am a little lost. He also told me the other night that he should be paying me more attention.. How long do you hold on with Virgo men?? I really really like him and dont want to rock the boat too much but at the same time i guess i would like to know if its just the two of us that are cruising along and not him and someone else as well. Man, if only i could read his mind!!

Aries Chick,

Oh man, do I know how frustrated you are. My Virgo used to do the same exact thing. He would never say when we were going to see each other again. Like clockwork he would just casually show up at the coffee shop I go to every Thursday and casually say "We should go do this or that on Saturday night" like he just thought of it at the moment or something. He very seldom ever actually called on the phone for a date. If I were you I would keep your options open and go out with other men because it will be a long time before he makes a committment. Also, expect him to pull back a bit now that you have had a really intimate night together. He will probably back off in real Virgo style just when you thought you were getting ahead, but I hope I'm wrong. Let us know what happens.

Ok, this is my story, it is an extreme case compared to these others. I would be so happy if I could see my Virgo once a fortnight!
I met him about a year ago, at a place I would hang out in with some new friends I made in my local area. As soon as I saw him I took an instant liking to him, like a recognition of something similar to me, but I never considered him in the romantic sense, didn't cross my mind. Then I went to a party and he was there and he appeared to be without a girl, it got late, I was high, he was high and he was dancing with a big ol' grin on his face all sweaty and I could see him, really see the 'essence' of his soul (best way I can describe it!) and bam! I realised I just had to have him, no question, so I went for it, started dancing with him and we ended up dancing together for hours until dawn..the only people left on the dancefloor, just holding each other. it was very intense and I felt so connected. it is very rare for me to feel like this, in fact I think it was the first time I had felt this particular feeling, like I had known him for years and would know him for years to come ...the whole soulmate crap. Anyway, I went back to his (a mistake maybe) and we spent the next two days in bed together, which was amazing. Just talking and sleeping. he was the perfect gentleman. We had sex, but I initiated it, stupidly. Wish I hadn't, but curiosity got the better of me. Eventually I went home, he asked me to stay another night but I had to go home...
For the next week I was so ill, I couldn't eat, sleep or think about anything else. I was so sure I was gonna see him soon but tried to play it cool coz I didn't want to fuck this one up, I wanted to take it slowly (if only I'd known then!). I was absolutely beside myself, like my world had been turned upside down. I was dumb to think he would be feeling the same, coz after the mandatory 3 days I texted him, thinking he was playing it cool too. I got a nice enough response but no mention of when we would hook up and that made me feel worse than I already did. I didn't wanna look desperate and left it at that until the next week ( I was dying of impatience, almost about to have a breakdown!) when I texted him again and asked if he wanted to hook up. He didn't reply until 2 days later and asked what I was up to that night. I was so relieved, but pissed off he hadn't given me any notice. Thing is, I was so ill from all the worry that I couldn't see him, which was just as well as I proba

probaby would have rushed to him and made him think I had nothing better to do. After that we hooked up and it was great, we get on so well but not in a highly passionate way, but more in a meeting of minds, we think alike.. he says exactly what I'm thinking, so much so that it freaked me out a bit and I couldn't tell him in case it freaked him. We talk for hours before anything at all physical happens, he always holds back and i am normally the first to kiss him. He's so affectionate and remembers everything I tell him. But over the past 6 months we have never been on a date, he has just come round to mine, occassionally at his and he never says when we'll see each other. We have never talked about that first intense night together and have not even acknowledged anything is going on between us. I only see him once a month, if that and one time we spent 5 weeks apart before I gave in and called him. He seemed pleased to hear from me and it turned out we were both halfway through the same book.. spooky? I played it cool and asked if he wanted to go for a drink and that I would call him next week when I was free. Two days later he is texting me to go out. All is good again, I feel 100% reassured and I don't want to have the 'talk' coz I just enjoy 'being' with him. I never feel like asking. But i need to know! I always put it off until the next time I see him
Anyway, the last time we spent the night together I felt like we made a small breakthrough as in I felt closer and more connected than ever. I almost said something... but alas I haven't seen him since and he has been ignoring my emails, phonecalls and texts. not that I have been bombarding him... then I saw him at another party and we exchanged pleasantries (as if we were barely friends) and he seemed really keen to get away from me. I rang him a few weeks ago and asked him why he has been ignoring me. He denied the fact and said 'why would I ignore you?' 'I've been busy' lame! I asked him to be straight with me, it's cool, but he wriggled out of it and said he would call the next day. Didn't expect him to and he didn't. So I have left it at that.What else can I do?? I've shown enough of my cards. Although he still doesn't know how deeply I feel.
His behavior would be out of order towards a friend even and that's how our relationship felt, more friends than lovers, which I loved coz my last big relationship was focused on passionate sex and no friendship which fuct me up and burnt out.
I just wante

I just wanted to get to know him better, but I don't think he wants that. So frustrating! Everyone says forget him and reading this back I would say the same, but I can't ignore that deep connection. I need to get to the bottom of this and at least close the book. Did I imagine it? How can one person feel a connection? I am very sensitive to other people's emotions and can read people very well normally. I got the impression he was a good person with morals etc. he is very straight talking and unpretentious, which is what I love, but with me he seems to have gone all weird. I like to think he felt something too and felt out of control and dropped me whilst he could, it's too simplistic to just brand him a bastard. He doesn't seem the type to sleep around. Maybe I am just being naive, but i try to think the best of people until I am proved wrong.
So he is either scared shitless of getting emotionally involved (he told me one of his exes cheated on him after 6 years together, but i think that was a long time ago), is immature (though he is 33) and just wants to dick around with his mates, or just got bored of me and met someone else.
I know why I am attracted to him and I should just avoid the emotionally unavailable ones, but I can't resist. i am drawn to them like magnets. I get a lot of male attention but I am very fussy and always go for the blokes who seem totally disinterested in me (tip to guys on how to pull there). It is therefore probably doomed, but i just can't seem to fancy anyone that fancies me! I will end up a lonely old spinster!
Even though I am gutted it hasn't worked out, I am not letting it take over my life. I am not depressed like i have been in the past over men, just confused. I am not gonna waste time fretting over it and i am getting on with my single life (which I love btw, have never actively 'looked' for a boyfriend). If anything good comes out of this it will be that I really mustn't sleep with a guy until I know his intentions, but I live for the moment and get swept along... just goes to show, however sure you are about someone, you just don't know how they feel until they tell you themselves. I learnt my lesson for sure.
uh... so should I ever call him again? He is such a frickin coward. I am not too proud to call, but don't wanna look like a fool. Maybe i should wait until I bump into him again. Will he ever come back— Trust me to fall for the trickiest, most slippery sign. I do pick em!

and another thing, he does

and another thing, he does this thing where if i call him, 7/10 times he'll ask if he can call me back, like he can't talk right now. so frustrating! what is that? and then most times he won't call.
what a twat.

Jesus, sorry, such a long post! I'm embarrassed. I get carried away when I write.

Gslove,

You were right on the money. In true Virgo male style he pulled back and I am now more confused than ever. I had no indication that he was going to do this. Its like he makes me feel ok about where we are going and how i'm acting and then all of a sudden i'm so WRONG! I rocked the boat by daring to message him and see how he was going. Not only did the reply come over 2 hours later, but it was short and cold. I have never gotten a message like that from him before. I think i am playing this really cool. I have not gotten 'desperate' or 'needy' (I hate how men make us feel that we are) and i have been happy to go along at this pace with him. I feel ok about it this morning, last night i was not impressed at all! i just cannot try to figure him out anymore. it takes up too much time and effort. But at the same time i dont want to see anyone else and i havent been seeing anyone else. What makes all of this so much worse is that i am late and i have been throwing up every morning like clock work. I am off to the doctor and am petrified. I dont know what the hell i am going to do if i find out i'm pregnant. I just keep wondering if i tell him. What is he going to think of me? I knew starting things with him was going to turn my life around, but this is ridiculous.

Don't worry aries chick. He will come back around.

piscesdreamer I think your only hope is to just forget about him. The first day that goes by that you stop thinking about him will be the day that he calls again.

Scorpio, What's going on with your Virgo now? It's unfortunate that it is so hard for you to move on since you have a child together. That makes it rough.

piscesdreamer:

When is his birthday? It sounds like he is still immature and not emotionally ready. I already dated someone like that and I still think about him till this day. Which, I have no idea why.

30th August. Yeah, he is immature, that's why i fell for him. love the young at heart! So I can hardly expect anything else. acts like a 12 year old sometimes, but then again he can be very sensible and grown up - full of contradictions. It kills me, coz I am a very spiritually aware piscean and I can see IT. But he can't , or won't. But what can I do? nothing. Tis a tragedy. unrequited love is so romantic!
But you know, I'm not even sure I am ready for anything heavy (hence being attracted to this flake). not had a serious relationship for over 3 years and I love being single. But occassionally people just get to me. i love a challenge. so what's your story?

If you two only see each other once in a while then it really doesn't sound like anything will go anywhere. From what I have learned, if they don't stick around and give it their all to you then, you are just for the short term until the next girl. They can really make you confused and feel lost (like what happened, did I miss something?) and they go on with their lives like nothing ever happened between you and him in the first place. Does he have a stable job and a stable home? I know mine didn't and I think that has alot to do with their way of relating to women. Maybe you should tell him how you feel and see what happens. At least that way you will know what is going on between the two of you.

hell no! he is a right dodgy type and has a weird set up where he lives. But is a real sweetheart, ever so loyal to his friends, polite etc. But I guess I was just a bit of entertainment for a while. Yeah, he has probably forgotten about me. Hard to admit to myself. He just didn't come across as a cad at all. maybe he is a good actor?
How can they seem so keen then act like they never knew you?
it breaks my heart to think he is off with someone else. I worry about myself that I felt a deep soul connection with a bastard.

What do you mean weird set up and dodgy type? Sorry for heartbreak. Sometimes they just screw us up but we move on and they can live their lives and screw someone else up. Don't let him hurt you anymore than he has.

deals weed and lives in a studio with no bathroom - he's fitting a kitchen into it. From what he's told me he has had long term relationships before though. i can't believe it is as simple as him being a love 'em and leave 'em type. it doesn't fit in with his personality. but then i guess I never got to know him that well.

When did you guys start dating? How come you only saw him about once a month? It sounds like he was just playing with you and his life is not together right now or I could be wrong. You deserve someone who wants to be with you all the time and not just whenever it is convient. I started dating a Gemini and it is alot different.

It sounds like he probably could be dating other people if you don't see each other that much.

started seeng each other last December. Trouble is, even though he is a tricky dicky, I have never felt like this about anyone before, and I have had a few relationships and thought I'd been in love before. I felt like the way we were together was far healthier than anything I have had before with a guy. Real companionship. That is way I can't give him up yet. I will just have to tell him how I feel, if i ever see him again! but i don't want to freak him out. If there is any hope, I have to be very careful with the situation.
but now, I just need to know what happened. seeing as any kind of relationship looks unlikely. Sad fact is, when I met him i thought he was so fantastic that I just wanted him in my life, even just as a friend, coz I couldn't bear the thought of going out with him then it ending and not being friends with him (all of my past relationships have ended quite badly). I would happily be friends rather than lovers than to never see him. That is how much I like him.