Office Gossip and an angry Virgo - yikes!!! (Page 3)

Here's his text after I said I really didnt think it was a good idea to keep talking about alana (the girl) or the gossip, or our breakup or anything, that we talk another time but that we're both hurt right now and need to take better care of ourselves and eachother better than what we were doing, that we should get some sleep so we could function:..."Yeah we are better than these people and we do need to take care of ourselves. Im going to ignore this rubbish and get on with my life. All I ever wanted was to be happy and find some joy in this world. You have made me laugh and giggle like a school boy. I thank you for that and for being such a great friend. I hope we dont lose that. I am here if you need me. Get some sleep and take care. Goodnight".

So P-Angel what does one write to that? He made it clear he was going to get on with his life and ignore everything. He said he'd be there if I need....You all told me not to be so needy and clingy so WTF?

Its over, it cant be resolved, we are the casualties of office gossip, not my needing him to drop her, I never asked that of him, not once. I would have liked to have understood the whole thing more but I never will now and IM sure her rides will continue. Their lives will continue like nothing ever happened because NOBODY knew about us. He'll hurt and I'll hurt but it will be quiet and nobody will be involved.

I think Im doing the right thing by respecting his wishes dont you?

I realise all too well about the work thing and thats why it took him so long to get me to go anywhere with him, I said that to him the first time he asked "I dont do the work dating thing"....he said he understood but he wore me down, it took him months but I finally caved and well the rest is history.

I was well and truly on his scene before Miss need a lift came along....didnt take her long to have all the boys running around after her....not that I blame her but its just the whole situation...what makes me so sad though is that yesterday she was just walking around like she didnt have a care in the world and she now knows that Virgo and somebody (she doesnt know its me) have been a casualty over this.....he didnt even come into work and I was, well, not so good but funnily enough without his help she got to work and back and she got a lift at lunch for the obligatory 1&1/2 hour lunchbreak they seem to take everyday. Funny that huh?

Doesnt matter anymore....There's no looking back, not when a Virgo is done.

You're probably right, he wants to talk but cant seem to bring himself to do so...so I have to understand again *sigh*

What do they say? "the way to get over one man is to get under another"?? LOL...not that thats going to happen but yeah, I guess Im allowed now to go and say yes to other dates....he didnt stand by me through thick and thin, there's the answer in short.

well i am with tiki and ginger.

i think he screwed her. he broke up with you in a fit of guilt. yup. clear as day to me.

his reason for breaking up was one of the stupidest i have ever heard. yet, it makes perfect sense if he knows he is about to be caught cheating.

and the chicky swanning around telling ereryone..that is the sign of the pleased girl who does not want the "secret" relationship you have with him...so she will make sure everyone knows and forces his hand.


do not contact him anymore. i do not care if he seems like a nice guy. he two timed.

"I was well and truly on his scene before Miss need a lift came along....didnt take her long to have all the boys running around after her....not that I blame her but its just the whole situation...what makes me so sad though is that yesterday she was just walking around like she didnt have a care in the world and she now knows that Virgo and somebody (she doesnt know its me) have been a casualty over this"



Your jealousy over this other woman reeks ...


Pretty much, the only valuable information you could ever have came from a Virgo on page 7 from Nassau when he said ... he needs to be trusted by the woman he cherishes, without that you got nothing he wants.


If you don't trust, Chatz, then you're worthless to him ... instead of causing all this drama over not getting all the attention because Miss need a lift stole him from your ego because she was in transportation need .... why don't you realize that the issue here is yours, not his?



He has done nothing except help another person .... you on the other hand, have by this thread alone, nominated yourself for an Academy Award over it.

"I have shown him NO jealousy and that is why I came here...he does NOT know the extent of how I feel right now.

I am hurt, I am angry and Im sorry but if you're in a relationship the normal thing to do is to be able to communicate"




I'm not surprised by this (good eye, VGM) .... it all adds up to the Attention Seeker.


Why would an attention seeker/drama queen actually talk to the other person for purposes of resolving a serious issue?

I mean, if she did that, then there would be nothing to dramatize over because the problem would have been solved calmly ..... through adult communication.

i think she has spoken o him several times about her feelings. he has chosen to be secretive and non communicative. she cannot force him.

further, his out of the blue breakup.....which followed his lets get exclusive crap...is ridiculous and juvenile.

Posted by leokitten2
i think she has spoken o him several times about her feelings. he has chosen to be secretive and non communicative. she cannot force him.

further, his out of the blue breakup.....which followed his lets get exclusive crap...is ridiculous and juvenile.

And Chatz attempted to talk to him and he blew her off and said he didn't wanna talk about it, I can understand his damsel in distress syndrome yet why wasn't Chatz a priority is beyond me, I'm sure he's going to continue on taking this girl to and forth and yet Chatz is thrown back into the casual friend box and he's FREE FREE FREE which is what he really wanted all along, he wanted the casual loving and felt threatened that Chatz was going to pull the rug so he offered up a relationship only to regret it, seems he was getting casual love and whatever ego stroke he was getting from Ms.20 something and it all collided together so he bailed out, I feel there is a ring of truth to that rumor, which parts are truth no one knows but he sure didn't do much to dispel the rumor with Chatz, I feel he got BUSTED, he got busted and opted to break up. I just feel the break up shouldn't have realistically happened if there was no truth to any of it, I think he realized he can't play 2 women in the same work place without it blowing up in his face and I also feel like he mislead Chatz by giving her a relationship only to break up days later and that whole let's wait a month thing was absolutely absurd. All that texting feeling stuff he's doing is crap, I would cut his ass off and bring him to his knee's, he will not respect Chatz if she accepts his crumbs of friendship......

Ms.20something doesn't have a care in the world because that rumor was put there for a reason, so could continue on with her interoffice super man so called friendly liason, she still has what she wanted which was him taking care of her needs...

I have told him now that I am unable to be friends with him, that it is unfair to expect me to sit there being his "best buddy" at work all the while hoping to rekindle something we had.....he and I know thats how it would be so Ive decided to cut all ties with him.

Yes Im sure she will get her rides, I doubt as often anymore to be honest but she'll still get them. As you put it Leokitten and Tiki, that is exactly what he did...he didnt bother to come to me and tell me what it was all about and so now I also believe there was some truth to the rumors which I didnt want to believe. This same woman (20yo) was the woman I took along (with others) on a work Xmas function where she and almost all the others (I was the designated driver) decided she'd send her boyfriend at the time home while she continued to party....I ended up taking one of the guys (he's a married man to a woman who works there too) along with Alana (miss 20yo for the ride) home as taxis were so slow...Mr Virgo was in my passenger seat and oblivious as he too had had way too much to drink.....whilst driving the 2 backseat passengers she undid her seatbelt and climbed on top of him (wearing a dress and him a Kilt (dont ask) and they were going for it. I was in sheer disbelief that they would behave in such a way in the back of my car and now one wonders why I have fears over a girl who did this in clear view of people she works with, with a married man to a woman she also works with.

I was asked the Monday after this happened to not say anything to anybody (which I didnt do, I thought I'd just put it down to drunken behaviour and try to put it away) but you'd think given that it was in my car, Virgo was in the car with me, it happened in front of us (well behind really LOL) that he would have made some time to make me feel more comfortable about the situation, hell I could have taken her home, other people drive past her way every day to come to work....he went OUT OF HIS WAY. That was the part I could not understand and for those who really do believe that I gave him a hard time? You havent read this story correctly at all...I asked to talk many times over the past 2 weeks and he brushed me off each and every time, he had made himself busy so we couldnt catch up, therein to me now lies some truth to the rumours. People talk, its up to those who are the topic of such talk to make their partners feel more comfortable...

Without being able to communicate like 2 mature adults about an issue that should never have been? you dont really have much.

Yes lesson learnt and yes Im sure he wont ever see what the problem is and yes she will never have to go without her rides.

As I said, its time for me to accept other dates now and yes, I do believe its time to cut off all communication with him. He cant have best friend status at work just to keep me hanging....we all know thats what I'd do.

Sorry to have troubled you all - thank you for some good and some not so good advice.

This story really is now over....it was a fun ride for the most part but yes Tiki, you're right, he wanted his freedom but to also keep me on a shelf so I didnt go away...he threw the crumbs and I gobbled them up....duh!!!

Thanks again.

love does not hurt and Chatz you are so worth it and if this clown can't see that he found his weight in GOLD when he found you then he's a LOSER, if he can't see the error he made by choosing rumors and the office hoe over having you in his life then you don't need him and honestly you shouldn't want a man that has a skewed priority system, anyone that would quickly discard you as he did says a lot about him, he was wasting your time....

in reality...the man clearly was not ready for any deep emotional entanglement. the 20 something office slut...she is not emotional entanglement...she is carefree fun in the sun🙂

chatz....it sucks. but you will manage it well. second, no more work stuff!! i did a work thing when i was younger...omg, the blowup. i avoided it ever since.

hahaha its all good....we talked last night and Ive decided that if we do the "lets be friends" thing it'll be on my terms...I told him last night when we talked that I wont be sitting around being left on the shelf and I wont be waiting for him. Thats normally why guys want to be friends isnt it? He's not going to get a FWB thing with me....I want it all or nothing now. He knows where I stand.

He's already asked this morning if I want to do lunch this week...blah, WTF? No way, thats just making me hang so Im saying no, its too soon, just way too soon and now he wants to give me time?? He had the last 2 weeks to give me time and its him who dumped me.

LeoKitten I didnt want a work relationship, I worked really hard against his initial attempts to take me out...it took him months to break down my walls, months....at first it was just friends, it grew - neither of us knew we'd get to where we did...my mistake, Im taking it on board, Im taking the hit and I will continue on with my life and live it as it is meant to be lived....to be his friend will now be on MY terms...simple....no more me hanging on for him or any man...I did the patience thing, I did the understanding thing but enough time has gone by for him to get himself out of the "I feel sorry for myself" state he's in....he aint the only one whose lost a loved one...if he cant get over her he should be playing the dating game, simple as that.

I told him that I didnt feel he was ready to be in any relationship, and that I wasnt going to be waiting for him to make up his mind and that being friends as we once were is not fair on either of us and that it would only go back to flirting and going out and going back into the same rut we got into and for what? for him to back out again when it gets too serious again? no thanks...he knows where I sit - its all or nothing and I deserve to have that if that is what Im ready for...I made it clear that Im ready for a serious relationship and if he's not, that I would now move on and put myself out there again. Harsh perhaps but he didnt feel sorry for me during all this time when I needed him.

I wont be nasty, I'll always be polite and if and when he chats to me I'll answer him but I wont encourage it - I dont think its fair to believe we can be as we were before we became intimate....it hardly ever works out, and especially at work? that make it doubly hard.

Im happy with my decision and Im proud that I could tell him I deserve more.

yeah screw the friends thing honestly. nice you said it...but i would waste no time on enacting it.

"I did the understanding thing but enough time has gone by for him to get himself out of the "I feel sorry for myself" state he's in....he aint the only one whose lost a loved one...if he cant get over her he should be playing the dating game, simple as that."



You really are very cold.


I think it's ironic how people view other people according to impressions made, rather than acutal energy of the person.

What you are inferring is that ... according to you, he should be over himself by now after the death of his wife, and you would mock him if he isn't ... and this is all based on your own personal feelings, and not his at all, and yet, he should have your feelings first and foremost in his life, while you reserve the right to NOT have his first and foremost in your life, as is obvious above ... self-centered.



Your whole bitch here is that he didn't hold your feelings above the girl ... and yet, you would not have his feelings in high regard either if you would say something like ..

"enough time has gone by for him"
"if he cant get over her"

..... you think you have been fair to him, while he's been unfair to you ... and this is false because you believe that his heart should be, as according to what you deem, as it pertains to his deceased wife.

But, you talk nice to people in here .... so, your real energy flies over thier head and they cannot comprehend that you're actually a bitch ... if you would really have a hidden attitude that this man (((should))) be anything as it pertains to his personal feelings about his deceased wife and how he needs to proceed in his life after she died .... according to your standards of life.

"Harsh perhaps but he didnt feel sorry for me during all this time when I needed him."



Feel sorry for you?


He was being a good semaritan in helping another person and all this drama you have testified in here was all about him not pitying you?

When you wrote the above quote .. you left the impression in my mind that this is medicine you are giving him, his just reward ... like a vengence would be.


"he knows where I sit - its all or nothing and I deserve to have that if that is what Im ready for...I made it clear that Im ready for a serious relationship and if he's not, that I would now move on and put myself out there again. Harsh perhaps but he didnt feel sorry for me during all this time when I needed him."


It's in the way that you said it .... this is where I'm sitting and he knows where it is because I made it perfectly clear ... perhaps it was harsh but he didn't feel sorry for me, so he deserves it.

That's ^^^^ how you make it sound.


Chatz ..... the best thing that could happen to him is to realize you are a bad mistake, and swim as fast as he can wiggle his fins. He is trying to get past his wife to whom he is realizing that she isn't coming back and he needs to get on with his life. I just hope that you didn't fuck with his head so much with your selfishness that he isn't able to find a real woman who would be sincere and genuine in being interested in his best interest instead of her own so that he has a nice person to mirror his love/life.

well done chatz. i truly think you did the right thing for both of you.

P i really think you are wrong. I am about 98% positive this dude was having himself a little fling with miss young thing. good samaritan was his cover, not the reality. it is pretty clear.

plus, even if he was good samaritan, his behavior was erratic and odd. they were not committed and chatz had no obligation to take all his erratic shit....maybe miss 20 yr old is willing to take it though.

and not only has his wife been dead for three years...but it was not even an unexpected death. so call me evil...but i am in the get over it all ready camp as well. and if you cannot? if you just cannot move past your grief...fine, live with it, do not date and do not subject your emotional insecurity on other people, it is unfair.

her first post was nothing but a super ramble really. it has all been repeated in smaller segments that are easer to follow.

of course he's confused and I am too.

P-Angel get over yourself I never once told him anything bad about his feelings towards his wife...I do think he should get counselling (he hasnt had any) and I do not believe its healthy to keep her belongings in the cupboard (all her clothes), in his private bathroom he has a box of shampoos/conditioners, deodorants, perfumes, hair brushes with her hair still in it.....Im not saying he shouldnt and I didnt but I dont believe its healthy -they are my beliefs and they are mine to have....doesnt mean I ever said a thing, not about them, not about the pictures he has in the other loungeroom of his house..not once did I make him feel bad about him still loving his wife.

You say he's trying to get on with his life? not on your life....he is hanging on to her like there's no tomorrow.....NOBODY will compare because he wont let ANYBODY in. HIs house is cold, its beautiful and its clean and tidy but it is not a home....there is nothing warm about it.

He sits in his own grief and we are all allowed to do that...its his way and so he can have his way.

What do you think I should do P-Angel? be his best friend right now? do you think thats healthy for either of us? do you think reminiscing over the past is healthy for us? we all know he's trying to keep me where I was before he made this choice, to be that girl on the shelf who might just mellow and come back to watch movies, go to dinner and then go back to his bed?? We all know thats what will happen if I keep the work chats going. The flirting will start again, the jokes, the conversations about our lives, him knowing what I do at nights, me knowing what he does, the good mornings, the Im off to lunch, the "goodnight, hope you have a great night, look forward to chatting tomorrow"....thats a mini online relationship!!!! Do you really think thats healthy for me or him— I dont for one moment believe thats healthy and ESPECIALLY straight after a breakup....whats in that?

Why already say lets do lunch? why already spot me when Im out shopping and hope that I can see him looking at me? Im trying to get over a relationship breakdown, one where I was the only one invested and he was simply seeing me as a casual but good friend. No, thats not fair...and no not once did I give him a hard time about his wife.

I ate up the crumbs he threw me.....get over yourself.....you have no idea. Your assumption of my behaviour and how I feel? ridiculous.

He knows I care for him, he knows Id take him back in a heartbeat right now. But he's too involved in his own misery and he has made his choice....what do i do? beg?

Do you honestly expect me to be his best friend right now? Why should I? whats in it for him? He wont move on and I wont move on....we both dont want this but he said "what else can we do, what other options are there"....why put it back in my court? what am I meant to say or do? He made the choice and he wants me to fix it? how? why? when?

Time is meant to make things better so why try to be best friends right from day one again? Do you seriously think that would work? Do you not think I'd sit there hoping he'd ask me out? hoping we could fix this mess? the more I keep chatting with him will keep me pinned to him, so why do that to myself?

Why do you think I now dont have the right to just get on with my life and grieve for this broken mess the way I need to, why do you think he now needs MY support through this? why should I be his best friend through this? He's the one who thought it was best to part.....WTF P-Angel??

he does NOT need YOUR support.


he needs therapy.
and quite frankly, you need to stop speaking or dealing with him beyond anything that is work related or civil.

Exactly. I enjoyed his company, I still would like that but he made that choice.

Today he tells me that he spent last night home alone watching DVD's and fell asleep - why tell me that? I didnt ask what he's now up to basically because its not my right and I dont want to hear or see things Im not prepared for.

This afternoon on the way home I saw him get on his motorbike ready to go home and he smiles, waves and then he follows me like some mad man on the bike to park behind me at the lights (normally he lets his engine idle for quite some time)...he could have chosen any other lane, he flashed his light, waved, then rode up beside me just to look at me and wave again....WTF? I knew he was there and I did wave the first time but WTF?

Is he seriously waiting for me to fix this all up? Secretly Id like to be the one he was watching his DVD's with but I cant, he hasnt asked me. This is EXACTLY how I knew it would be if i continued being his "friend". All he needs to do is give me the hint he wants back in, not do these little things that he did before we broke up. Does he think that we'll just slide back as we were without having "that talk"?

its very confusing but sweet at the same time because yeah, like Ive always said, I cant imagine my life without him in it. I just dont want to be the online g/f at work and a secret to everybody else.

P-Angel Im sure you'll think that'd be ok for eternity....to take the crumbs forever...blah with that. Ive not had a harsh word with him, nor he with me. We broke up in a nice environment, we took time in doing it, it was as sweet as it could be even though neither of us understands why it has to be this way LOL.

LIke I said, its very confusing right now

Nope not afraid he'll leave me if there's no sex, not at all because I know he wont and Im not leaving him, but I think for the time being it is best for him and I so we can remove our feelings. To hang on would be unhealthy. Friendship in a few weeks? sure, that makes sense....I cant see him not being in my life and Im not being nasty or ignoring him, Im just trying to get through my pain as he is getting through his - is that so hard to understand?

As far as blaming him loving his wife and me blaming the 20yo for everything? are you serious? Where did I say I dont understand he still loves his wife? the man said to me himself "Im screwed in the head, I have issues, I miss my wife, I still love her and I wish she was still here, I am unable to commit to you or anybody" which he said way back in early January when we had 'the talk'....I took taht on board and we remained friends and he slowly started dating me again...only 3 weeks before this crap happened he sat with me (not drunk) telling me "he was falling for me, that he didnt want me to date other men, he wasnt seeing other women and wanted to make us official "in time".....so you see THAT is why I would have stayed around. I dont care if he lived in a trailer park, its not the house, its not the wife, it is the fact he now says he is unable to commit when he already had said he wanted to be a couple....he's been wishy washy, I get that, but to now "let me go" because of whatever reason? Am I really expected to understand EVERYTHING— Does any of this make sense to anybody?

So he gets to tell me he's not ready, then he pulls me aside and says he is getting ready, then tells me he's not ready again? Im meant to just take whatever he dishes out?

WTF has this got to do with his wife or the 20yo?? I dont give a crap about the 20yo...she can go screw every guy at work for all I care and it wont be my hassle, I understand his grief for his wife but that does not mean I dont deserve to move on and find somebody who is ready for a relationship does it? Im meant to now stick around because that would be unfair to leave because he's not ready and said so himself? But now he wants to hang on again? Thats fair?

You people have a strange sense of reality here

and NOBODY said I wouldnt be his friend, I want him in my life but hey, give it a couple of weeks yeah? He's doing ok, seriously, he's doing ok...so am I but this back and forward stuff? It does NOT make sense.

Im not at war with the man, not in the slightest but he has made it clear he is not ready and I made it known I was, I didnt think I was when i first became friendly with him in early July 2008 but the months went on and its now April 2009...we've been dating since October 2008 - seriously I have understood his position for quite some time and I will continue to do so but he also needs to understand mine where it hurts and I miss him and I wish I was with him but if he continues to do what we did the day before the breakup with no break?? is that healthy on me? is that healthy on him?

WE'll just go back to the same scenario

P-Angel and Virgotme, are you the same person? You have some twisted ideals

and ummm he can take as long as he likes to go through her things.....as I said, I did not say a word, it truly didnt become an issue, I did not live there nor did he flaunt it but I personally dont believe its healthy to have her clothes still hanging there - that is my right to believe that, Im not sure whether it were me whether I could have gotten rid of things either but that would be my right to either toss them the next day or keep them for 40 years. NOBODY told him any of that but I do know that had my brother not helped my mother take out my fathers clothes after he died, she would STILL be hanging onto him - she even said this herself when I asked her how that felt now that I was in this position. She told me at the time that it was the best thing he made her do. Everybody is different and it wouldnt bother me if he keeps them for the rest of his life - that is up to him. Do you think I go around telling him he should be doing this or that? are you insane? Why would I? he is a grown man who can make his own choices.

Its clear he needs time without anybody pushing him? EXACTLY, BINGO!!!! Im not pushing him, Im being the girl he dumped because he chose to do so....why would I be his BEST FRIEND right now? I am his friend and we will be back to where we were at some point but this one single fucking time he will have to understand that I hurt too, that this is not the greatest position to be in and that I miss him like no tomorrow.....I am not giving my pain to him, I am not turning to him with my pain, he is not turning to me, he is welcome to but he doesnt and in a way, thats a good thing yeah— We are BOTH hurt and unhappy right now and it is not healthy to turn to the other for comfort.

SIMPLE UNDERSTANDING TO MOST PEOPLE EXCEPT MS P-ANGEL/VIRGOTOME....WHATEVER!!!!!

Get over yourself, you're an evil, caustic woman who can not give a single piece of good advice, you do not have anything good to say, you are a waste of space on these boards which you seem to frequent all day long, giving people grief.

Im not holding his hand through this, he's not holding mine, that is his choice too. If and when he does get through his grief and Im still single? who knows? it might work but for now its a case of "maybe in another lifetime"

I will not be leaving my job...I have been there for 7 years and I am up for long service leave and I happen to enjoy my job. I do not have to see him everyday unless we bump into one another or see eachother at the shops/food court, etc.....no I wont leave and nor will he - there is no need.

Yes I am trying to let go - I dont want sympathy, but I did want an understanding...no real drama......I dont understand and thats for me to deal with.....but yeah this whole freaking thread has gotten out of hand....Im done though I think, Im truly done 🙂

More than happy for this stupid thing to finish now. I do intend not to answer the phone or emails, etc...thats my whole point and then madam says Im being hard on him and wonders why I cant be his best friend...duh

i really have no sympathy for this guy. and i do not understand why anyone would/

she cannot "get him to committ to her?" wtf? is there some trick she should try? like it is her failure....it is not her failure at all.

the man is all over the damn map. why, because his head is all fucked up.

and you know what...he can grieve as long as he friggin wants to..but that does not mean he has the right to drag everyone else into his fucked up head along with him. further, if he cannot handle an emottional relationship, and he is a mature adult male...then sitting someone down and sayign you want an exclusive relationship one week and then two weeks later changign yoru tune entirely...well that is just being an assclown.

chatz has every right to want a real relationship. and this idiot has every right to keep his head up his ass and grieve. but you know what, those two situations are not compatible. and hence, chatz should not be pursuing anything further with this man.

and if you have followed the story, she has been open and understanding. they were not exclusive...they were friends. HE PUSHED FOR THE MORE..drew her back in...and then he bailed.

sorry, i have no sympathy for the man. should i? because his wife died? what does that give him a free pass on ass clown behavior? lol. i don't think so.

i do agree with virgotome on one thing...

stop the yo yo. it will never actually go anywhere chatz. ever. so i would even stop with the lets be friends crap. it is not worth your time.

Ya'll are funny. Poor guy.

"P-Angel get over yourself I never once told him anything bad about his feelings towards his wife."


I never said that you told him anything about his feelings for his wife .... read, comprehend, then comment.



"and I do not believe its healthy to keep her belongings in the cupboard (all her clothes), in his private bathroom he has a box of shampoos/conditioners, deodorants, perfumes, hair brushes with her hair still in it.....Im not saying he shouldnt and I didnt but I dont believe its healthy -they are my beliefs and they are mine to have....doesnt mean I ever said a thing, not about them, not about the pictures he has in the other loungeroom of his house..not once did I make him feel bad about him still loving his wife."


It doesn't matter whether you said anything to him or not ... what matters is that you have this attitude, these feelings .. of what is right that he should be, and how he develops/grows as a person stemming from a tragic life-experience.

If you have this attitude, these feelings about what he should or should do .. then this comes out in your behaviour on the subconcious level for him to pick up on the vibes.


Which he will soon .. I have faith in Virgos .. they may be slow at times when feelings are involved .. but, sure as I'm sitting here, I KNOW they get it once they put their feelings aside, and I KNOW they will do the right thing.

"we all know he's trying to keep me where I was before he made this choice, to be that girl on the shelf who might just mellow and come back to watch movies, go to dinner and then go back to his bed?? We all know thats what will happen if I keep the work chats going."


NO, we all don't know what you will do .. however, you just mentioned here how weak-willed you are and how you know ahead of time how easily you fall into victim mentality, who is helpless to help yourself, and at his emotional mercy .... for you said it, just above in the quote. If you talk to him at work then your clothes will fall off.


"I ate up the crumbs he threw me.....get over yourself.....you have no idea. Your assumption of my behaviour and how I feel? ridiculous."


Yes, obviously you are afraid that you will still eat up the crumbs he throws you, for this is why you made that comment in the first quote of yours I copied here ... you know how weak you are and that if you have a conversation with him then you will find yourself in his bed, as you already testified to.

Apparantly, this is all about you being weak, and really nothing to do with him.

Get over myself, and I have no idea?

Ummmmm, yeah ... you posted it in here already.

".. and then go back to his bed?? We all know thats what will happen if I .."

"He knows I care for him, he knows Id take him back in a heartbeat right now"


The other night at work this young man (Cancer) of about 24 asked me a question. He is a nice boy, maybe a little geeky, but still a nice boy. And he said ..

"Angie, why is it that girls eat up and can't get enough attention from men who treat them badly."


I'm left speechless, of course .... why do women want men like this?


Later, our relief showed up and I asked a woman (Gemini) this question, and he was listening intently to the answer, and I would imagine it's because he probably has a difficult time keeping a girl because he's nice to her .... and the Gemini woman said (not her exact words, but the gist) ..

"If you find out the answer to that, let me know because then I might be able to save myself some heartache." ***** sighs in tone to suggest victim of own feelings ****** "Seems like the worse he treats me, the more I can't get enough of him and want him."


We've just gone through pages and pages of this .... you making claims that you know he treated you badly, you saying that the gossip may have been true, you say he is cold, his house is cold, you say he (((should))) have communicated with you, you say he put her feelings in front of yours, you say all these bad things about him, about his character, about how he treated you ..... and then you justify my showing you through turning the tables around on you that you are the one who is fucking up here by saying .....

"he knows Id take him back in a heartbeat right now"

"why do you think he now needs MY support through this? why should I be his best friend through this? He's the one who thought it was best to part.....WTF P-Angel??"



What the hell are you babbling about ^^^^^^^^^


do you have such reading comprehension problems that you think I said he needs your support throught this and that your place is to nurture him?


I said, in a couple different ways >>>>>>>> the best thing that could happen to him right now is to realize you are a bad mistake and drop your ass like a bad habit.

How the hell do you get ... "why do you think he now needs MY support through this" out of that?

Chatz 4/7/2009 6:46:37 AM | ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx


and NOBODY said I wouldnt be his friend, I want him in my life but hey, give it a couple of weeks yeah? He's doing ok, seriously, he's ...........


******** at 6:46am on 4/7/2009, Chatz says ^^^^ she wants him, but they just need time.



Chatz 4/7/2009 8:02:14 AM | ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx


Yes I am trying to let go - I dont want sympathy, but I did want an understanding...no real drama......I dont understand and thats for me to deal with.....but yeah this whole freaking thread has gotten out of hand....Im done though I think, Im truly done


**************** then an hour and a half later, says she's done .. truly.

My Virgo mind has overloaded. I must go back when I have time and read the last 3 pages. Thank you.

Chatz don't allow anyone including me to distort the reality of your situation, you have been through a hard situation, you have went above and beyond understanding, patience and love with this man. You owe nothing to anyone but yourself, most women would most likely have not put up with things you have seen and dealt with, an impatient woman, filled with little to no understanding would have dropped virgo man the moment she saw another womans pictures and clothes in his closet and toiletries in his bathroom especially after 3yrs of her passing. I know you have your wants and wishes and then you have the task of doing what's best for you, doing what's in your best interest and that is a very hard and painful place, take your time with this, you will get through it as we all have had to do at some point in our lives...

Tondalea dont waste your time reading through it, seriously its a waste of time 🙂

P-Angel, its me whose been done the favour, he was my mistake and you have absolutely no idea what you are on about. You're the piece of work by saying "why cant you be friends"....simply because I dont want him to be my consolation prize, to always have to remember what we did have and how easily we had to end. Maybe in time but not right now, just not now.

Him driving through the streets chasing me so I know he's there? I freaking well knew he was there, thats why I was trying to not look in my rear vision mirror or my side mirrors and catch his eye....does he not realise this hurts me now? Why freaking chase me? And to want to catch my eye at the mall? WTF for? did he think Id want to join him for lunch? after he dumped me? Did he think Id want to follow him home if he waved to me on the bike, not only once but 3 times? WTF?

Ive figured Im better off without him in any sense right now, that Im going to be busy with my own life. NOBODY knows what the future holds but I will let him go off and find somebody new to play mind games with. Not that it was an issue, but like he said "you're the only one who doesnt freak when I speak of my wife".....so there you go, he cannot let go at this point and others before me have dumped him for it. I never dumped him, not did I make an issue out of it - the issue was his and I was prepared to keep taking things slow UNTIL he said to me I want us to be an exclusive couple, then the mind fuck started. I understand he cant move on, only he will realise when he's ready...we werent meant to be, simple as that. I wish him well for the future and Im sure in time he will find somebody who gives him happiness.

Im now allowed to be sad, Im allowed to remember some good times but Im also allowed to now analyze the ugly sides and times and Im damn well allowed to walk away and not get messed about by a man who thinks its ok to just be friends now..no thanks. So P-Angel I wish you well with your caustic ways.

wholeheartedly agree. this guy is far from perfect. in fact, i would venture to say he is an emotional idiot. any woman, not just chatz, would have a difficult time with this retard.

listen he lost his wife. if he needs therapy, he should get it. it is no one else's responsibility except his own.

int he meantime, he should seek to avoid emotional entanglements when he is far from ready.

no, P, this virgo dude is the emotional retard. i suggest he is better off lying down next to his dead wifes grave and crying his heart out...versus pretending he can date.

chatz...you ARE a kind soul. but drop this dude like a hot coal. he is useless to you and your purpose in life is NOT to fix HIM/

move on. there are less damaged goods out there.

I am leokitten....Im letting go, its too hard