Question of Virgo Lonliness

...which I consider to be an interestingly perculiar phenomenon....for all of the thinking and processing that virgos are known for, it is puzzling why the ones who seem to be perpetually alone (not just romantically but can't keep friends, etc) don't have life figured out any better than they do...particularly when it comes to dealing with people. Being resigned does not equal happiness, no matter how much energy someone puts into showing an unfettered, unbothered exterior outlook about whatever situation (e.g. lonliness) they've settled for...

On a comedic note I brought up this point to a very close virgo friend of mine during a heated debate and got a chicken bone thrown in my direction lol...I guess he couldn't deal with the question. Any takers?

lol...well notso it sure is a question dying to be answered...I mean, if someone is so intelligent and spends so much time thinking, processing, striving for pefection, etc....shouldn't there be a trend of wonderful happiness---proven to be most evidenced in happy platonic, familial, AND romantic relationships? At the end of the day we are only as good at relationships as we are at managing and balancing ourselves...it is not a badge of honor (nor impressive) to be perpetually alone because you can't work it out with anybody----and it certainly is not everyone else's problem if you are the primarily constant in the equation! lol

...hmm....maybe I'm just too results oriented. IMO nothing you do matters unless it produces a positive, impressive result. Anything outside of that is self-serving bullshit

I would have to agree with you Dy based on what I've observed with friends, family, and ex's who are virgos. Once again each sign has its positive and negative trends. I guess for me---in moments of heated debated once again---I would generally bring this up as a bubble burster----right after a beloved V in my life made some comment about how logical they are and how thinking things through and perfection were so important to them---usually in light jest lol---its like "OH YEAH—? Then why can't you figure out your OWN shit Einstein? lol.....

Also as a disclaimer to Dy....my comment about "self-serving bullshit" was something I posted before I read your post...so hopefully you won't take that as a reply to you because it wasn't. Thank you for your input!

Ok Dy I've been thinking.....you seem like one of the more intelligent people on DXP and pretty open, honest, and direct about your opinions so I'm going to ask you to comment on something. Above, you posted the following:

"A VirGuy may be aware that his isolation is not so splendid, but may not understand the reasons for it; and, without understanding the why, cannot think of a way to break free..."

Now to me that makes the most sense while one is isolated on say---Pluto. What puzzles me is that when the Virguys and gals in my life are told pretty explicity what the reason for this is, I've notice a pattern of refusal to change. Now I know that i have m any of the typical cancer vices....I can be lazy at times, very touchy feely, a bit of a ho while single, and yes if you don't give me enough arse when I'm with you yeah I'll probably cheat...but when I care for someone and they alert me to where I may be working their nerves even if I don't stop 100% I certainly work overtime to spare them like say----85% of the time....at least 50% . I also will try to play up my other areas like being very loyal, caring, industrious and hardworking (yeah I know an oxymoron with the laziness but most cancers have both lol)....by contrast, my virgo friends tend to be "proud" of their shortcoming and will even (and I've seen a LOT of this on DXP) launch into a tirade where they try to convice me their negative is actaully POSITIVE lol....amazing!

ok I can understand that dy....so if that's the case why do so many insist on rubbing so much salt in everyone else's wounds? And why try to convince the other person that these traits are something that they should appreciate as opposed to just copping to them and attempting to spare the person as long as the other person understands that you are human and to some degree this is just who you are (a two way street, both people of course should have this understanding)

"That's the way God made us..."

well it doesn't get any simpler than that Dy....lol. I'm astounded at your willingness to not have to try and justify everything. The virgos should crown you king. I can see VERY EASILY how you've maintained a 25 year marriage..i wish you 25 more!

Good and thats how it should be too!!

😛

How much for your soul Branh...
Ive got cash.


I seriously need to get off this board...look what its doing to me....

this seems so pointless....choosing to be alone is a choice, and being lonely is an affliction; personally I choose serenity at times because the chaos that man makes is annoying....being with a person, going here, and there, and back again with them; devoting you energies to making this person love you; trying to impress them.....heh, sounds like a couple of people have this equation ass backwardz....Virgs lol hehehehe critiscize all you'd like, I've got bigger fish to fry, and besides, it's only out of the love you see, or you know you feel that you criticize....you find fault becuase you can't stand to see something you believe in/love being anything less than what they actually are!

everything to me has value; the quality of that value is the only thing of variation; there are things that please the eye, and things for the soul....it's all worth while becuase we have needs that are all unique, and require different types of soothing....mercury seems to limit understanding, and encourage acedemia....

"choosing to be alone is a choice"

weeeellll not always so simple. MOST people who make the so-called "choice" to be alone only do so after many failed attempts and just resigning to not being able to compromise with another person. Then they act like something was wrong with everyone else when they are the constant in the equation. Not to mention that this post is not just talking about romantic lonliness. Most people who "choose" to be alone have difficulty keeping friends as well as lovers. And once again, THEY are the constant in the equation and hence the source of the problem.

"you find fault becuase you can't stand to see something you believe in/love being anything less than what they actually are!"

...the best place to use this is with self. How about this: save the people you care about on 50% of the criticisms that come to mind until YOU are as perfect as you are supposedly trying to "help" them to become. The best way to influence change in others is by your own example...not bird pecking them to death.......I'm surprised that some virgo hasn't figured that out in one of those infamous thinking/processing sessions.....what's the use without a more impressive result than is so common?

LOL @ dy with "P-Angel and her minions".........ROTF!

"How about this: save the people you care about on 50% of the criticisms that come to mind until YOU are as perfect as you are supposedly trying to "help" them to become."

..on second thought make that 75% ..a grossly imperfect person should spend less time giving advice and pointing out flaws of others and more time working on their own flaws....

lol I think someones crushin' on me....
*shutterz in response* as always cla, you spend alot of time shootin' the sh1t with a person/people you don't like; why? lol It's silly watching you get all riled up over something so trivial and small, I guess dxp makes even the most spinless worms appear to be the most powerful of foes! lol I enjoy hearing you rant like this lol but there are other 'toys' to play with....you seem to lose your luster after the first few rants lol

cutting things short, if I were any other sign, would you look at me/us in such a slanted way? lol funny someone must of did you RAW....hope you find the one, I'll be over here chillin' in the kut....

cutting things short, if I were any other sign, would you look at me/us in such a slanted way? lol funny someone must of did you RAW....hope you find the one, I'll be over here chillin' in the kut...."

ROTF!!!!!! What makes you think this post was ever about you? mere child, you come late, empty handed, and dribbling at the chin.

"I guess dxp makes even the most spinless worms appear to be the most powerful of foes"

LOL...sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of something VE....keep repeating those affirmations to believe what you need to....meanwhile, have you gotten your life together yet? lol...maybe you should spend more time in counseling and less time playing on the internet you little latch-key kid...lol

And as far as people I don't "like"....hell, I don't even "know" anyone on this board...this is simply a forum where I exchange ideas. But then again only a fool argues with a fool, so I'll stop there...

Personally speaking, making friends is no problem, keeping them, no sweat; wanting them around after they've served their purpose, and can have no more potential to yeild....problem; a loaf who wants to be lazy personally, and dosen't want anyone to believe in them and expects nothing from themselves obviously is weak, and suffering from some serious self-esteem issues.... and just as well deserving the sharp virgoan tongue...be glad that's the most you'll get, it could be worse.......although wasting time with emotions and arguing is pointless....simply trying to impress yourself is as useless ,(if not more so than) trying to impress others; claiming to be a iron clad warrior belies a gutless worm....but the reverse is more virgoan as I know; claiming to be a gutless worm, belies a warrior....

"Personally speaking, making friends is no problem, keeping them, no sweat;"

If that's really true about you VE (which I seriously doubt), then you were never the subject in the first place.

"a loaf who wants to be lazy personally, and dosen't want anyone to believe in them and expects nothing from themselves obviously is weak, and suffering from some serious self-esteem issues.... and just as well deserving the sharp virgoan tongue"

And that certainly doesn't describe me....so I'll let that land on whatever ghost from your past you're shadowboxing...

"although wasting time with emotions and arguing is pointless"

which only proves how pointless it is that you are a member at DXP lol....because that's all you do 24/7....whenever you join a post it somehow INSTANTLY turns from a discussion to a time-wasting argument over semantics that often are off topic to the original point. But I guess that's what happen when children interrupt grown up conversations.

"claiming to be a iron clad warrior belies a gutless worm"

...and since I've never claimed the above, and apparently this is so near and dear to you...that reveals what you are....but then I already knew that...lol.

Yeah, actually I was trying to convice myself of something Cla; why hadn't you seen someone in the hospital about a rape kit....someone screw'd you in the worst way lol 😛....ho, ho, ho, please, get over yourself, your pettiness is only making me look better if only in my own eyes....lol, I've already convinced myself of the one thing I need only know from you....you want a virgo, but have no idea as to how to relate to them; you waste so much time arguing to me and feeding me your prescious passions yet are desperately trying to convince yourself that you are without feeling and in control lol silliness 😛.....no sweat off my back! lol you seem to be petty enough to fault find with whatever I say, yet continue on lol You're making an excellent spectacle of yourself, being an old jaded adult afterall; the beauty of earth is that I know all that exists around me, and I leave nothing up to chance, so I don't get screwed or taken advantage of; sorry that it HAD to be you, but well, hey, I hope you heal though...in time of course!

btw since we are splitting details, I didn't claim that you were a warrior, nor worm....that was a general and objective term for those who put on a tough front only to know that the INNER TRUTH is that opposite, but hey, I KNEW that right? lol taking an interest in younger ones?! lol gotta watch out for you; the more attractive virguys are usually the first to go...lol hope I'm not on your hit list lol 😛

"Yeah, actually I was trying to convice myself of something Cla; why hadn't you seen someone in the hospital about a rape kit....someone screw'd you in the worst way "

lol...(scratches head, still tryinig to figure out where he gets this from)

"your pettiness is only making me look better if only in my own eyes"

those last 4 WORDS are VERY key to understading the VE psyche lol...that's right VE all hail....a legend in his own mind lol.

" You're making an excellent spectacle of yourself"

....this spoken from the mouth of DXP's token spectacle/buffoon/village idiot/juvenile delinquent/pointless rambler/tazmanian devil

"the beauty of earth is that I know all that exists around me"

hmm....a wise man knows that he knows nothing at all...so by default, that makes you a...

"I didn't claim that you were a warrior, nor worm....that was a general and objective term for those who put on a tough front only to know that the INNER TRUTH is that opposite, but hey, I KNEW that right?"

of course you did...its a classic virgo trait. everyone KNOWS that.....right? lol

was this WHOLE board a trap to feed/fuel your pathetically low sense of self CLA? lol heheheh, trap a virgo here becuase you've STILL got that axe to grind, and an ass er two to cut? lol.....sir you'll do well to remember I am a Virgo, not Cancer; I am possessed of no demons, or illusions that would bind me, and trap me; do you see me scurrying over to the cancer board starting a board about how I secretly (but so damned obviously) detest Cancer? lol No! I like you guys, but the emotional overload only does YOU harm .....as it's plain enough for even you to see through you obscure vision 😛

It's a shame Cla....still burnin' up cyber-space to say how you detest anyone who brings an opposing view in mind to you....lol I bet you hide this side of yourself until someone has you in a corner...yes, I see....is that it? I will not accuse you of anything; I will ask only that you give an explanation for you behavior....it's silliness; an adult who feels this child is so obviously beneath him yet continues only to argue...lol I want to understand you; I've gotten all the fun I can get out of you, watching you melodramedies, and I'd like to cut to the chase already.

lol...(*I've already begun to ignore VE so here's a public service announcement for the intelligent people*)

This thread started as a question---not a hate post---that was handled quite eloquently by Dy, a pretty smart guy....also a bit older a mature as to be above the juvenile dribble exhibited by....anyways....the discussion was basically OVER on about page....2? 3? somewhere in there.... then a young mental patient from the psyche ward EXCITED because he is finally old enough to purchase alcohol...descended on the computer while his dysfunctional parents were arguing in the next room and begin spewing nonsense that had little to do with the intelligent exchange of opinions that had already been discussed and brought to closure by actual adults minutes before.

AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING...

(*long, interrupted beep*)

oops! (*long, UNinterrupted beep*) lol

anywho, I've been thinking this topic over to myself; I am not lonely, I am surrounded by people, and loved ones; lonliness is a place we go to in our minds to decieve ourselves; even if we are surrounded by people physically, we CAN in fact be lonely; we long for a mental/emotional connection.....when this is denied we suffer, and that in turn is lonliness.....it is lonely to realize that you must impress people to win them over; it is lonely to realize that you must infact cover up the real self, and come off as a more slendid thing than what you are; seeing into that whole process and (intentions and all) it makes one almost revulsed, and turn to aloofness as a means of defense 'why must I be with them if they cannot accept me for who and what I am?' typically, I've learned that once these thoughts turn on oneself, they breed feelings of lonliness, and anger....when you feel as though you still need more of another, when you only need more of yourself.....you need to be comfortable with yourself. Which I am, and in turn makes me seem 'lonely'.....confident folk don't always want to be mired with others; lonliness comes from being an unconventional, free-thinking person in a clannish, and single-minded society....we should practice understanding, and acceptance.

when a person starts to 'turn' to another person to escape from their own thoughts, and feelings; to be swallowed by anothers love, and their good intentions, and their love, you really don't want to love yourself......and you become lazy and complacent, and you deny any good in yourself, when someone else sees it....you fool yourself....

btw, CLA I'm not old enough to by alcohol, and my parents ARE in fact dysfuntional; much to YOUR dismay I'm sure, I'm strong enough to hold my own, with out placing the responsiblity of my upbringing in obviously weak, and ill-capable hands.... 😛 lol You, and all those who try to break me, can only suceed in envigorating me.

lonliness can inspire oneself; the pain can breed feelings of love inside you that you might otherwise never known that existed; I've suffered a great deal, and honestly, I'm proud to say that! Without suffering, how could I know what all that is good, and pure feels like? Having a 'charmed' life can destroy a person in the long-run.....you never learn to deal, and in the end, end up with nothing; I am abundant in all that I can give, becuase I know sympathize/empathize with the pain of loss....so my ability to give love can help another lonely soul, and in turn helps to ease my own.....

*CLICK* (*DIAL TONE*)...

do people honestly believe that they can break me with a few so-called 'harsh words'? lol hhehehee amusing....one would almost believe they are some type of warrior lol I've been betted against my WHOLE LIFE; lol if I were anyone other than a 'juvinile delinquent' I suppose you would've suceeded in trying to make me cry lol 😛 It's becuase I don't have a mommy and daddy to run to that it's made me stronger, and able to suffer unflinchingly though anything, and that is true confidence; I'll not know the pain of lonliness, or loss of self-esteem.

lol STILL angry CLA? lol hehehe silliness....in trying to upset me, you are only doing the opposite....lol You cannot win lol, but have I at least explained through my subjective experience Virgoan lonliness?

* CRICKETS *

on which topic dy?

Is this only for Virguys— 🙂

I feel the reason why some Virgos(male or female) can be alone for such long periods of time are because most aren't "relationship driven."

They might be capable of making and keeping friends, having lovers, and sustaining long lasting relationships, BUT that isn't usually the main focus of their lives.

I have many friends and relatives of varying signs: Aries, Pisces, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius(wow, that's almost all of them lol). I have to say that they are ALL more "relationship driven" than I or other Virgos that I know. They all "have to" be in a relationship and/or "have to" be around friends and family ALL THE TIME!!! If there is any lapse in their company and they are alone for more than a few minutes(or days) they panic and get depressed. I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with this, it's just the way that they are. They need the presence and input of others to maintain their emotional balance.

While I enjoy being around others it isn't the focal point of my life. There are many things in my life that are more important for me like accomplishing certain goals, enjoying different hobbies and pursuits, growing in various ways(mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.), etc.

I haven't come to the point of enjoying my own company by way of being "screwed over" or hurt so bad that I've given up on relationships. I've just found that when my life is more balanced and not dependant on others I can enjoy someone else's presence much more. If I were sitting at home crying over not having 'whoever' in my life then I would indeed be lonely. But my existence isn't defined by WHO is in it or who I am in relation to others. It's defined by me and how much I enjoy my life(which I do very much). 🙂

I don't think there's anything wrong with others who's lives are "relationship driven" and I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying your own life *independant*(as in - not dependant ON) of others.

Wow beautifully put leo/virgo75 and VIRGOEXALTED !! you took the words right out of my mouth!

I also don't understand what is the big deal about aloneness is? as you guys said my life is not dictacted by who is in my life......and yes one is never alone and if they are that is not a bad thing either

i don't know why people make "relationships to be such a big deal" Now love I can understand but relationships........then again this could be my moon aquarius talking lol

yeah right on leo/virgo75. I'm an independent virgo and i am definitley not relationship driven. I'll take a good friendship over a sappy romance any day. I look at a relationship in terms of sex and efficiency. Does anybody agree that that's the virgo way? Or am i just being a typical guy?

Dy: "Hey Missy! How's tricks?? (or, are those, Treats?)..."

LOL..Hey big man..yeah all is as cool as can be expected. Could be better but hey ho..

Jay - I think that might just be the "guy" in you talking. 😉 lol

I definitely love the romance, the fun, and "useless" "inefficient" knickknacks that go along with dating/relationships. I won't be with someone just for *those* reasons, but they are a bonus. 🙂

great post leo/virg75 I say all the time that if you can't be happy with yourself you can't be happy with anyone else. Although it puzzles me how I've heard so many virgos perceive other signs who are more "relationship driven" th an they are as NEEDING to be relationships or even doing so "all the time"....of course there will be individual examples of this but I believe that most sane, centered adults can be ok both with someone and alone---even if they prefer to be with someone over being alone. I think that this is the main distinction between many virgos and the rest of us. I've known many who just simply prefer to be with themselves lol....and there is nothing wrong with that either. Self love and appreciations is never a negative. By the same token I'd say at LEAST 70% of the people who I have heard assert to feel that way do so largely out of default and failure in dealing with people. Some are virgos and some are not.

I agree with many of the virgos that a relationship is not needed to validate who you are but lets just be real the majority of people who preach that are not just being healthy they can be as unhappy by themselves they are with someone elsel there's just no one to remind them of it lol. This also goes for non virgos...I've just seen a disproportionate number of people (more than 1/12) who are like this be virgos so I asked the question. I have the highest respect for those who are just by themselves simply by choice and not because they are impossible for other people to get along ith.

oh yeah back to the "needing to be with someone......ALL the time" thing....it bothers me (and ALL signs do this) when every trait that a particular sign does not have they try to make every one that has it sound like its a deficiency....very much in the way that people try to make virgos sound deficient just because they can be alone (not out of default but the ones who truly choose to despite being able to be in a great relationship if they wanted to)