How long 4 a Virgo to get over lost love?

I am curious if we as virgos typically take longer to get over heartbreak from a lost relationship. It seems to me that many people move on rather quickly to something new, and brush off the past like gathered dust. I myself tend to get stuck in the past and after I have really been in love and I was dumped or hurt badly enough to retreat on my own, that it takes months or even years to even contemplate being with someone again. I see many post here that indicate how Virgo's tend to back off after initial pursuit. So, part two of my question is: Do we do that because deep down we fear that to get too close to us will ultimately end in rejection? And, in so doing we simply perpetuate what we feel is our fate anyway? (Failure or Hurt)? Thoughts Please.

Jwalker

Do we do that because deep down we fear that to get too close to us will ultimately end in rejection?

I wont use the word ?rejection? but ?betrayal? instead?. You wont easily forget your (supposedly) beloved betraying you? let alone forgive her?!!

Sure you forget her in time? that forgiveness takes longer time? depending how gentleman you are..!!

Q..I understand that. I have been horribly betrayed and as my soul seems to be a playground for the past, I relive the betrayal on a daily basis in some form. But, do we as Virgos take longer to mend our torn hearts?

Brahn, Hi. I have seen you post on the subject of love, portraying that you don't think you have been there before. If you can imagine yourself there and then ripped away by either betrayal or incompatability, do you think you wait a long time to try again? Would you take it as a personal failure?

Unfortunately yes..

As long as your mind is active on the subject and trying hard to find a logical reason, you will suffer.. until you get saturated enough with the negative thought then hopefully you'll find the way out of this rut!

The time limits that I've mention it above depends on personal life experience..!! so for some might take longer.. for some might take shorter!

All in all.. don't give up on yourself.. everything is relative and subject to change, rather in surprising way?!! From love things down to material things!

It is stupid to attempt finding a guarantee for something that we have no control of its existence, people come and people go and you are in no position to control their actions and thoughts, the good thing is you are master of yourself and can/could/will/should take charge of yourself?!

Start today and good luck?.!!!

it took me a couple years as an aquarian but..heck.. a couple is average..^__^

you learn, you grow, knowledge and understanding will come around in time..

if not, then you can be a misgynist if you'd prefer- like haffo..lol

Well, I think I have somewhat evolved past my betrayal, but I was really interested in
comparing the Virgo to others who seem to bounce back out of hurt so easily. R.C. you say that 2 yrs is average. I envy those people who pick right up and move on, because I seem to have this running reel-to-reel in my head, and the projector light is always on. I'd like to know how to stop that especially when you KNOW you are being obsessive. There doesn't seem to be an "off" button here. Oh yeah, I carry on and get distracted by every day life, but when an issue comes up that is related to my past experience, I'm right back there again watching the re-runs. "Once bitten twice shy" type of deal. Is this a virgo thing or ME thing?

i am a victim of betrayal because i allow people to hurt me instead of consoling me, not because of love but because i am infatuated with the thought of love and the happiness it should always bring to me and i don't want to show my love because i was never sure if that person was worth it. i always had doubts never had faith.

i keep my mind set that there should never be problems happening in our relationship but only the likable ones.

but if i look more deeper and be honest with myself in the relationships i had and how they gone bad, there's always something in me that created it. my ex won't cheat on me if i was more open with what i wanted in our relationship. he think i was a player for caring less because i also know/aware that he is playing around. we had a relationship going on and he had an affair. i made the things i resent and these were all my choices.

i realize who i am, what i want in a relationship because i am a whole and healthy person now. if a person is eager to grow, they should also be eager to learn, know when to let go and when to hold on.

vgurl, are you saying that you deserved to be cheated on? Yeah there are things everyone does to add some of the negatives to a relationship but hey! Why were you even still part of their life if they wanted to go elsewhere? It sounds like you've convinced yourself that what they did was O.k. because YOU caused it. The courts still see murder as murder even if you enraged someone. The growth comes from being a better person and walking away, but not in taking on the other person's bullshit and justifying them. I agree with your last statement,but don't think you made your own resentments.

no i am not saying that they have the right to cheat on me. i realized all this when everything was over.

this is not self-pity either i am a virgo and i have my pride. i knew that i was playing around and is not ready for a serious relationship when i was young, that's why i settle for someone who is complicated because i myself is complicated. in short i settle for platonic relationships and not the serious kind.

vgurl: Have you ever loved someone? Just curious. Platonic is great if you know you aren't ready for the other. Loving someone takes serious self-sacrifice though and when you go to those lengths to sacrafice and hold onto the belief that you are equally loved, it can be a pretty hard blow to find everything blown out of the water. Even if you are level headed and healthy. (I am not using self sacrifice as a pity word) I mean it as in giving up certain freedoms verses being single.

yes i am inlove with my husband 🙂

Loving someone takes serious self-sacrifice though and when you go to those lengths to sacrafice and hold onto the belief that you are equally loved, it can be a pretty hard blow to find everything blown out of the water. Even if you are level headed and healthy. (I am not using self sacrifice as a pity word) I mean it as in giving up certain freedoms verses being single.

you got it right, kid. love is sacrifice.

well. in time, I just learned to laugh it all off. cause I know what I think of me and if the other person can't see it then I just think they suck at life and laugh it off...

if you fall in love with yourself then you don't have to worry about falling in love with anyone else!! lol

if the other person wants to betray you, don't you think that's pretty pathetic?

they'll get their punishment in due time..they all do.

if you know that you're well worth it and that person doesn't see it then it's their loss. so they can shove it. : P

Oh sorry I haven't been around the boards much and I didn't quite gather that you were married from these posts (my apologies)

Platonic is great if you know you aren't ready for the other.

common for those who can't make up their mind, who they are, and what they're value is. platonic is an illusion same as infatuation. there's always a justification with all their actions, they have reasons to break someone's heart because there's no commitment at all. it's a lose-lose situation. waste of time for mature ones but definitely fun for those who's just having the time of their lives.

Vgurl, You are confusing me making these contradictory statements. What is it...you prefer platonic or see it as an illussion? " in short i settle for platonic relationships and not the serious kind." "platonic is an illusion same as infatuation. there's always a justification with all their actions, they have reasons to break someone's heart because there's no commitment at all. it's a lose-lose situation. waste of time for mature ones but definitely fun for those who's just having the time of their lives."

How do you settle for platonic when you are married?

r.c. yeah I know I AM worth it. That is what keeps me puzzled about people who throw such gems in the river!🙂

🙂

How do you settle for platonic when you are married?

HUH? i was talking about my past. why will i do that?

oh..miscommunication I guess. You didn't speak as if you spoke of the past, and you didn't mention a husband..only your ex. sorry....again

I only went by your quote

ANYWAY..my question hasn't really been answered. I expected more feed-back on how long it takes us to "get over" someone special in our lives. I am also curious as to wether we self-sabotage our relationships by pinning past experiences on new people in our lives. Personally, I think I do. I think things to death and bury part of my own happiness for the moment because I'm too caught in the past. Are there any other virgos out there who do or have done this?

before i did and i only made a fool out of myself. you'll know when you'll reach the saturation point. i'm not sure about virgo men here. does it really need to have a time span on when to bury the past? and use people to nurse the wounds? what's the logic?

you can answer your own question, dearie

"deep down we fear that to get too close to us will ultimately end in rejection . .
and in so doing we simply perpetuate what we feel is our fate anyway?"

Jwalker, probably . . but, it appears to me that everybody likely does this, not just Virgo's. Most times, people tend to already know an outcome and play a part in the "cause" of their own grief.

Don't know if it's folly, or if there's some value to this kind of self-protection.

who is using anyone to nurse wounds— It's a simple question thrust out into the universe. How would I "use" anyone? What?-by asking a simple opinion? That's rather strong, as of course I can't lean on others to "Nurse" me. I didn't ask for a time span either, just in general,but once again you've skirted the question with double-talk. You never had a serious answer to begin with, and you need to clarify your responses so others where you are coming from......deary

thank you p-angel....someone asnswered anyway.

you know what, you know the answers to all your questions, you just want to think about things excessively. i've given you my opinion and you didn't like what you read, you're the one who's contradicting.

"deep down we fear that to get too close to us will ultimately end in rejection . .
and in so doing we simply perpetuate what we feel is our fate anyway?"

p-angel could have said it better.

grow up and stop whining.

I'm a freedom loving soul, and enjoy just waking up knowing that I can walk alone and be in my own little world thinking things over. I get over relationships pretty fast, because I'm just too logical. I think about what WAS, what IS and what WILL OR CAN BE. I think about the past, present, future tense of our relationship, but I enjoy being in the sky flying hi alone....people are there for you, then they aren't; I see no need to get to intensely wrapped up in that person just not loving you anymore. so long as there is no animosity, or ill-will, all is well.

people get wrapped up in the past because they still love the person, their egos got hurt when it they were betrayed, they think there's still more for them to give but hesitated to give (i'm talking about love).

if you love the person and you "think" the person hated you for reasons you "think" you know or don't know, but rather fear. then why not go for it to bring peace into your heart?

love is learned, earned and it grows. but if you continue to love someone whose heart is owned by somebody else like if that person is already taken or committed with someone else, then why love that person?

the answers are pretty simple -- non debatable. people tend to imagine things and live in their own illusions that oftentimes resent them when these illusions are not met, instead of solving these issues by being honest with themselves.

if the other person wants to betray you, don't you think that's pretty pathetic?

they'll get their punishment in due time..they all do.

if you know that you're well worth it and that person doesn't see it then it's their loss. so they can shove it. : P

i concur.

yeah I guess we should all find out who the person really loves before falling in love them...

hmm...for some reason that didn't stop me though. I always thought they deserved better. Darn it, I hate feeling sorry for people, it gets me emotional. It's the humanitarian trait of Aquarius. v.v

Why can't I be a virgo and care more for myself instead of the rest of humanity!!!

*cries like a baby*

jwalker - i think it depends on the person as far as how long it will take to get over a lost love.... i am scorpio and i think it takes me a loooong time when i felt in love and felt love in return..... however, if i felt like person dumped me or treated me bad or went off with someone else, then it would still hurt awhile and i might be sad or depressed, but then i get angry and strong and feel like i can do so much better and they weren't worth my love, time, etc..... and the time it takes to get over them is greatly shortened!

i have read that virgos (and scorpios too) once they have been severely disillusioned or betrayed -- that those two signs can cut people off with a precision knife type of motion....

so, i guess if you still love her and felt like she missed out on you then it may take awhile....

I think it's the amount of effort put into it, is the reason why it's so difficult, at times.

It's like, imagine studying for an exam . . you work your ass off, shrug off "friend's time" and stick your nose to the grindstone . . fail the exam. Yet, here's this person who partied all night, barely even opened the book and Aced the test. This particular failure would follow you for a long time because you tried your bum off, gave 200% and still failed, while others won with little, or no effort.

This seems to be what I find in Virgo's . . because they put forth so much thought and time into making sure that a relationship is going to work, that when it doesn't make it, the feeling lingers with the Virgo long after it ended.

A lot of other people put very little into relationships, so when they fail, it's no big deal . . they'll just find another superficial one. V's can't do that, it has to be real . . superficial won't work for them . .

However, a person DOES have to grow . . no matter how hard it is.

To linger in the stagnant waters of despair is far worse for a person's phyche than the actual seperation from the loved-one.

Hi Jwalker, I noticed by your profile you are in a relationship, if you are slill hurting from a past betrayel it must be hard for you to move on in another relationship

' beloved betraying you? let alone forgive her?!!..'

virgos are the biggest cheaters and betrayers...but when they cheat they EXPECT u to forgive and forget right away....u guys have DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!... You'll never forgive but expect forgiveness when you screw up ....