very odd 3rd date....advice please!!!

Just got back from a 3rd "date" and im very confused!!!!

Im an Aquarius, and have had 2 wonderful dates with Mr Virgo.
First date was chilled, had coffee and lunch and went to a bar. Second date we went out for dinner and again chilled at a bar. We can speak for hours and have so much in common.

Ok now last night he asked if i want to come over to his to see him and to watch a dvd and i said thats fine.
Tonight I came over to his and he was making himself dinner and offered me a drink. He didnt offer me dinner, which is rude. Ok so i sat on the sofa and he sat on a sofa chair near me to eat and only offered food while he was eating and i said im fine. I thought after he ate he would sit next to me on the sofa but he didnt. We just spoke about our weekend and about work. He had a crazy weekend away of drinking. He didnt really make any effort with me and hinted that hes tired so i got the hint and said he looks shattered and i should go...he didnt stop me.
Kissed on the cheek and i left, he told me to text him when im home and i have done and no reply.

this is really odd and im very confused! if he was tired why invite me over and then i leave after an hour. waste of my time!!

we haven't even kissed, only held his arm.

what do i do? leave him to it and not contact him? im stunned and very confused!!!!

Do you seriously think he can predict the future and knew the day before that he'd be too tired to have you over tonight? Maybe he didn't want to flake and despite being tired, didn't cancel on you.

The lack of offering dinner is kinda strange though.

And you texted him already. Ball's in his court. Let him contact you now.

i did say today that if hes too tired i can see him tomorrow or on wednesday but he said that was fine.
yep im going to leave him to it...

that is very odd about the dinner part since hes making dinner already wouldn't have been much effort to make another meal for you

Well he could just be having a bad day but still wanted to see you I dont know I find it odd that he hasn't even tried to kiss you by the 3rd date but then maybe he's being cautious anyways leave it in his court and see what he comes back with tommorrow .

Don't put too much thought into.
There's definitely a reason he didn't cook for yu...

Virgos are perfectionist, they worry, & some are very insecure
so if he can't cook like a iron chef he was probably be too nervous
to cook for yu. Any type of bad feedback would've f*ckd him up a little.

I haven't kissed in years literally so don't take it personally.
It's too intimate to me & certain things that I relate to emotions
make me run so I dodge kisses left & right.

He probably wanted to see yu badly even if only a brief
moment. Take it as a compliment.

Take the lead & pull him out of his comfort zone & do your research
on virgos it'll save yu alot of time&effort cause virgo/aqua relationships
are rough do to misunderstandings. If yu feel some type of way towards
anything, wether good or bad, bring it to his attention because I'm pretty
sure he sees it completely different than yu do. Trust me I was struggling
with my aqua since January & we still don't get each other because of this
smdh.

JazSexyAzz, yeah i might as well take it as a compliment that he wanted to see me.
He has been boasting to me that he can cook such amazing things but probably felt insecure i suppose?
I want to compliment him, which I have tried but he doesnt acknowledge it.
I had an ex who was a virgo, was with him for over 5 years and he took the kiss stage very slow too. Is it a virgo thing?
well i will see if he messages me or not today.
im just bewildered by his behaviour.

Yeah I think that's weird and rude. I'm kind of a crappy cook but I would never make a meal and eat it in front of a guest and not offer some from the start. I definitely wouldn't be contacting him again after a no reply, and even though it might've made me look like I have "princess" issues I would've called him out on the food thing. Not in a hostile tone but I would have to say something because I'd know I'd be wondering about it too much and trying to analyze it to death with my gem friend who would speculate with me for hours lol I'd have to do it just to save time.

sorry babe
drop the guy
he's got no manners
where's the fireworks?

Still no reply, looks like hes backed off. He would message me all the time before and today nothing at all. Hes gone distant and I will leave him to it!

What was he eating that was too...(i d/k) to share? Caviar?

As for dinner - did you arrive early? Could he have been trying to make dinner and eat before you arrived? If I was invited to someone's house, but NOT for dinner, and they were in the midst of trying to finish cooking and then proceeded to eat I would think nothing of it, nor would I find it rude that they didn't offer me any. I would just figure timing of the meal was off. *shrugs*

As for him sitting on the couch and eating in front of you - IMO, it would have been more rude to be invited into someone's house and then left sitting all alone for 10-15 min...

If he turns nice again, don't give him the light of day.

watercup he was eating stir fry!

lildol he knew I was going to be there for 8:30pm and I text him when I was on my way there. To be specific I was going over in his words for "something to eat and to watch a dvd"...And he ate while I just sat there and watched!

FUM thats exactly what Im going to do!

There is something called "COURTESY", Let-it-be.

If you want to be with a Jackass, who cooks for himself but only offers AFTER he sits on his ass and eats... Then that makes him a Jackass.

If you want to go for such type... then go for him. Not me!

Works just fine for me. Thanks for asking.

EEE, being a libra u know better. Manners, manners and more manners. Eating while somebody watches is double bad manners. U offer 1st then eat, not the other way around ESPECIALLY when ur the host..its rude

Let*It*Be, he offered me dinner when he sat down and was eating! im not going to say oh yes by the way im starving, like a tramp and hes put all the food on his plate! I do have some dignity!
Maybe dinner time for you isnt 8:30pm, but for him and I it is.

me "being victimized by men"?!

If the guy texts me constantly and every day, i reply! what should I do when he texts me?! stare at it?! how am i being the victim?! im telling it how it is!

And I dont care about his weekend away, so thats not the issue here. Im shocked by his behaviour.

Yes he has text me today which I havent replied to

Qwertty, u dont even need to defend this, the time is not the issue here..the guy lacks human decency. Its not like u found him eating, he was preparing when u got there, it doesnt matter if it was 8:30 pm or 3:30 am he still havent eaten yet until u got there. Again, this guy is a Flintstone.

Lib, its a 3rd date! Who wants to "speak up" about food on a 3rd date? On a 3rd date people are still getting to know one another and speaking up about such things wont be easy..besides, nobody wants to come across as a famine escapee to someone they just met. She did the right thing by keeping quiet

And nobody ever needs to push an air sign about communication, we got it down..we just dont use it if its unnecessary. Reminding/asking someone to dish up for you, AT THEIR HOUSE is pointless..the decision should come from THEM.

Aqua and Virgo seem like an odd coupling to me.
Both cool and low key, seems it would make a passionless relationship based on friendship.

Virgo men usually come on strong in public, I wouldn't dare be alone with them in private unless I am ready for a romp.

Maybe the 4th date won't be so odd. We all have our odd days. 🙂

Oh come on! Communication isnt an issue on the 3rd date? Communication about OTHER things, not starvation..if the food topic ever comes up, it should be about your fave foods and not "im hungry, why didnt u dish up for me?". They havent even kissed yet and she didnt wanna ruin her chances by coming off as a NOM MACHINE. I get her completely.

He made her uncomfortable about speaking up. He made it feel like her possibly being hungry was an after thought, which it was. What happened to good old fashioned manners? I thought virgos had those by instinct, by the way.

Posted by WaterCup
Oh come on! Communication isnt an issue on the 3rd date? Communication about OTHER things, not starvation..if the food topic ever comes up, it should be about your fave foods and not "im hungry, why didnt u dish up for me?". They havent even kissed yet and she didnt wanna ruin her chances by coming off as a NOM MACHINE. I get her completely.

Thank you Watercup!!

Posted by truecap
He made her uncomfortable about speaking up. He made it feel like her possibly being hungry was an after thought, which it was. What happened to good old fashioned manners? I thought virgos had those by instinct, by the way.

I was very uncomfortable by it, and thought best to not say anything as its only been the 3rd date.

Let*It*Be you do realise the issue here is not about the food, right? its about his odd behaviour towards me. so get over the whole food issue here!

and fyi im not worked up about the food, lol. you have totally missed the point

Yes really. I dont need to specify myself to you as the others understand where im coming from!

You will know a person best at some Eating out... or a travelling together. If your partner behaves selfish.. gets the bigger piece for himself kinda thing.. yes.. kick him out of your life. He can never be trusted for bad times.

Qwertty, dont worry about anything, a good man will come your way when the time is right. None of us are "lucky" in love, going by the threads on this site..ur one in a million and brave enough to put your "petty" complaints out there. I understand u completely. If this ends with the virgo, be happy, be happy that u didnt add "NOMinator" as one of your tags. People tag people after breakups and thats a facts. One girl actually described one of her exes as "the one with a small weiner" and i was like "i dont know who that is since ive never met his weiner" and she giggled and said "its Steve". I know who Steve is, but not his tag, lol. See what i mean? Trust the universe, real love WILL find you. Nobody is meant to be alone and ur not an exception *hugs*

Posted by Let*It*Be
"kick him out of your life. He can never be trusted for bad times."

YES...please spare that Virgo!!

LOL

spare him from sharing.

Lol, yeah^^^

I wouldn't have went over to his place without him putting in some of his energy to get me over to his place, meaning he come and pick me up, drive me there, what I'm saying is when we women go out of our way without communicating a certain level of standards men turn off and become a bit neglectful.

Of course this is just my opinion but my suggestion would be make him work to have you around, the more he invest his time and his energy in ensuring he gets quality time with you the less neglectful he'll be.

Sometimes being too available can turn a budding good situation into a bad situation just that fast. When he asked you to come and see him to sit on his couch and watch a DVD that was the time to negotiate what was going to happen, pick up time, cooking me dinner time, all of that has to be established or I wouldn't have went over to his house, nope not with my gas and using up my time and energy, I have a life, I have shit to do, I can sit at home and watch a DVD, that's the kind of energy that's needed sometimes, he has to feel your time is precious, you have life or he'll turn neglectful in some way by you not giving him any push back well he knew right then and there he HAD YOU, once a man know that he has you he'll become comfortable and start treating you like a friend, when that happens exit.

If my man, or anyone else for that matter, comes to my house while I'm am preparing food for myself, they are offered some, whether I have enough or not - if it was my man and I arrived at his house whilst he was preparing food and he didn't offer some BEFORE he sat down to eat himself, then I would consider that behaviour rude. Thankfully I don't have any friends who wouldn't offer food if you arrived when they are getting dinner ready. 3rd date or 100th date he, in his house, should have asked was she hungry prior to landing his arse on the chair. Personally my communication would have been along the lines of "I see you're trying to enjoy your dinner, I'll leave you to it" Buh bye - read my communication from that. If he had managed to get to the question of whether I was hungry or not while he was already chowing down then I would have said yes I am and I'm off to get myself something now - and then left.

He don't have to do ANYTHING, he did what he wanted to do, he can do what he wants but if what he chose to do didn't align itself with her expectations/standards then keep it moving.

Let*It*Be the way youre going on its like im having a personal attack towards you, you seem very worked up over this!!

tiki33, youre right! I totally agree with what you have said.

celticlioness i just thought his behaviour that night was very rude and odd!! Its just manners to offer something to eat while the other person is standing there! And then to offer food while hes eating it!!

Mel he text me saying that he cant wait to see me and that he missed me the day before the date.

He has got back in touch after what happened on monday. Even I think its odd that we havent kissed. Maybe hes shy? On the second date he did kiss my forehead, which was very unexpected!

Im just confused as I dont want to ask him whats going on, as its too soon?

Posted by WaterCup
Qwertty, dont worry about anything, a good man will come your way when the time is right. None of us are "lucky" in love, going by the threads on this site..ur one in a million and brave enough to put your "petty" complaints out there. I understand u completely. If this ends with the virgo, be happy, be happy that u didnt add "NOMinator" as one of your tags. People tag people after breakups and thats a facts. One girl actually described one of her exes as "the one with a small weiner" and i was like "i dont know who that is since ive never met his weiner" and she giggled and said "its Steve". I know who Steve is, but not his tag, lol. See what i mean? Trust the universe, real love WILL find you. Nobody is meant to be alone and ur not an exception *hugs*

Thank you Watercup 🙂 x

There is something the OP is leaving out, first she is appalled by his rude behavior, I questioned the timing, then she says that oh he did mention food when inviting her. So, the stories don't jive. Had she said in her initial "story" that he had invited her over for something to eat and didn't offer, THAT would be rude, but that does not appear to be the case. He did NOT invite her for dinner, timing was off and she should feel grateful he didn't leave here sitting by herself for an extended period of time. AND, he did offer... I don't give a rat's ass if it was before or during. He was not intending on her being there for dinner plain and simple!

Also, he only views her as a friend... it was NOT a "date", she is deceiving herself if she believes such. IF he were trying to woo her, he would have probably surprised her with dinner. Her description depicts a relationship which is purely platonic... this is what she is struggling with. It wasn't about the food or what she thinks was rude behavior, it's about the fact that he's just not that into her. She's looking for sympathy and justification as to why he's such a "bad" person so she can feel good about herself; in reality he's just not attracted to her but she can't accept that, there must be something wrong with him!

@Tiki - pick you up to go to his house?? That is absolutely ridiculous unless one does not have transportation!! Maybe going out to dinner, but not to go hang out at someone's house - would you ask your bff to come pick you up too? Same dif! I could never stoop so low as to expect a man to pick me up just to go to his house... don't think so, ain't gonna happen even if offered! Actually, if offered, just to hang out at his house, I would be so weirded out by that...

That's RIGHT pick her up, he offered for her to come over so he should do some of the heavy lifting, some women are just too damn easy to get, they feel grateful some man wants her that she reeks of desperation and then she wonder why he treats her like she's a friend, becomes neglectful and half ass with her, women have to raise her own damn standards if she wants better treatment.

You must drive to men lildol because you are riled up over my statement, your standards have been known to be LOW so I can understand you having a fit over what I said.

Qwerty I'm an Aquarius too so I know how you feel, if this isn't deal breaker then be open to the process, if he continues behavior that don't jive with you then please move on, don't settle.

Tiki, LOL I didn't get "riled up", I would just be suspicious if a man wanted to pick me up just to go to his house, I would certainly question motives if offered as it puts him in control of when I can and cannot leave; thus, it would leave me feeling extremely vulnerable and trapped by not having a means of personal transportation, by the same token I would have to rely on someone else *shudders*

i didnt realise that i have to be so specific and add every detail!!
He invited me over for a bite to eat and to watch a dvd.
We arranged to meet at 8:30pm and i let him know when I was on my way.
I got to his and he opened the door, kissed me on both cheeks and went into the kitchen.
He was making stir fry.
He asked if i wanted tea,coffee, orange juice or squash. I opted for squash.
We went into the living room and took off my coat which i gave to him and sat on the sofa with my drink.
He ast on the one seated sofa chair beside the sofa, eating his food and then asked if i was hungry, which i said no, because i felt awkward! i didnt want him to think im a tramp.
so while he ate i just sat there making small talk and he was talking about his weekend away.
He made out that he was tired so i said that he looks shattered and that i should make a move, as i didnt want to outstay my welcome!! so i got up, took my coat we said a few things and we kissed on the cheek and he told me to ttext him when im home. i was there for an hour!

all i wanted to know what why did he behave in that way? when he was away that weekend he was messaging me constantly saying he misses me and all that and really wanted to see me on monday.

Let*It*Be you dont know me so your judgements mean nothing to me. I know when im ready for a relationship!!

lildol how do you know what i mean?! It was about his rude and strange behaviour, and that is what i was questioning!!

WOW!! didnt realise i was under investigation here lol

Posted by lildol
Tiki, LOL I didn't get "riled up", I would just be suspicious if a man wanted to pick me up just to go to his house, I would certainly question motives if offered as it puts him in control of when I can and cannot leave; thus, it would leave me feeling extremely vulnerable and trapped by not having a means of personal transportation, by the same token I would have to rely on someone else *shudders*

Understood and yet it's a matter of having control and relying on someone else which leads me into why do a 3rd date if you feel that strongly about riding in a mans car. You don't want a man doing the driving in your relationship then why date a man at all. You've allowed men to drive you bananas with silly immature half ass behavior so what is the difference with allowing them to drive you up the street?

Posted by qwertty
i didnt realise that i have to be so specific and add every detail!!
He invited me over for a bite to eat and to watch a dvd.
We arranged to meet at 8:30pm and i let him know when I was on my way.
I got to his and he opened the door, kissed me on both cheeks and went into the kitchen.
He was making stir fry.
He asked if i wanted tea,coffee, orange juice or squash. I opted for squash.
We went into the living room and took off my coat which i gave to him and sat on the sofa with my drink.
He ast on the one seated sofa chair beside the sofa, eating his food and then asked if i was hungry, which i said no, because i felt awkward! i didnt want him to think im a tramp.
so while he ate i just sat there making small talk and he was talking about his weekend away.
He made out that he was tired so i said that he looks shattered and that i should make a move, as i didnt want to outstay my welcome!! so i got up, took my coat we said a few things and we kissed on the cheek and he told me to ttext him when im home. i was there for an hour!

all i wanted to know what why did he behave in that way? when he was away that weekend he was messaging me constantly saying he misses me and all that and really wanted to see me on monday.

Let*It*Be you dont know me so your judgements mean nothing to me. I know when im ready for a relationship!!

lildol how do you know what i mean?! It was about his rude and strange behaviour, and that is what i was questioning!!

WOW!! didnt realise i was under investigation here lol

I'm confused, sorry I'm not here to bash you up but you stated that you opted for squash, was this squash in drink form or was he offering you food?

Why would he think you were a tramp for eating food off his plate?

I have to say that is weird for a virgo. aren't they the planners? would be odd to invite someone over and not plan to have enough food for them, too. i get upset when no one eats my cooking, i have to persuade lol, even when it's not that great. Also, odd that you guys didn't watch the dvd. if all he wanted to do was chat, he should've just called or video chatted and ate in front of the webcam lol.

squash is a diluted drink where you add water 🙂

Qwertty, welcome to dxp, lol. Here, people expect u to write down EVERY single detail and being an aqua myself, i know we hardly bother with that...we go straight to the point bcause it makes sense to us...maybe not so to other people reading it. I've been accused of the same myself so..oh well. Write how you want, some of us will get it. Whether he saw u as a friend or not doesnt matter, the treatment should be the same...we are all humans here. And to an aqua being treated less than a human is a deal breaker ie. food is a basic human thing and so is offering it to people BEFORE a chow down. Btw, to those who dont GET IT, to an aqua, there is NO difference between a lover and a friend..theres ONLY people and NOBODY deserves more/less treatment than the other. She saw his action at the dinner table as inhumane hence the big deal she is making about it. To ask a person to peck off your plate is disrepectful and gross the way i see it. You dont give leftover/half eaten food donations, do u? No, you give people, ANY PERSON, "clean" untouched.by. your.lips food. Save your crumbs for animals, but NOT for another human being.

And Qwertty, sun signs aside, this guy is not for u if he doesnt have any common human decency and hospitability. Those things are clearly important to u, so like Tiki said, KEEP IT MOVING...you dont need this Tarzan jungle boy who cant offer u a simple human need in a proper time and manner. Hell, even people in the jungles of Africa share with the rest of the village whatever little they have...it might not be an exotic stirfry, but something as simple as wild berries...important thing is TO SHARE. Here (south africa) we have something called Spirit of Ubuntu which = spirit of human kindness, we are taught from an early age the importance of giving so i personally wouldnt date someone who lacks that just bcause im not fucking him or am not his gf, thats absurd. WE ARE ALL FUCKING HUMANS, a girlfriend title means zilch if u cant see a person as a person 1st and foremost. Disgusting!

Its irrelevant whether its a friendship or relationship, its irrelevant whether he asked her over for a bite to eat and dvd or just a dvd, basic manners - when someone arrives at your house and you are preparing food you invite them to eat. I do not know one single person who would not offer food in these circumstances, in fact where I'm from you check if someone has eaten and offer food the minute they come into your home, which can be a bit of a pain as some people keep pushing it on you after you've declined. It's also completely irrelevant what her previous dating history is. I suppose what you're prepared to put up with is what you get - OP doesn't seem to be prepared to be treated in a rude manner. I can only think that those who think that this behaviour is fine conduct themselves in the same manner.

Personally, when I have been invited to a mans house and have chosen to go I have either asked are we eating or eat before I get there, depending on the hour.

Lib, where is your mercury? Im sure its in the same place as that of a snail. Simplified: HE ASKED HER TO EAT INBETWEEN MOUTHFULS OF HIS OWN DINNER! Different story if he asked her BEFORE and she declined...besides, its rude to interrupt someone for anything while they are eating, so the OP being a cultured person that she is, passed on the invite and decided to let her friend eat in peace while she remained hungry. She has class! Btw, this is not a virgo thing, its a classless arsehole kinda thing... who happens to be a virgo. My mother was a virgo and i swear to God when i say, she used to take one street kid every xmas, bathe him, buy him new clothes and bring him back to our house for lunch. I grew up seeing that kind of generosity, so anything less is worth a gag. My mother had a lot of fire thou and fire = generousity (sadge moon, venus.mars and mercury in leo...cancer ascendant). And whats with the "u need to ask"? Nobody NEEDS to ask for food/anything whilst under someone else's roof...it should come as natural as a fart..from the owner of the roof! Just the fact that 'to ask or not to ask' is under debate is retarded and shameful.

Qwertty, virgos are classy people so dont let this man-beast turn you off them.

Thank you WaterCup and celticlioness.
I've decided to leave it and ive told him that I think its best if we just leave it. Im not going to put up with such rude behaviour. I havent been brought up that way and my parents have taught me manners and how to be respectful. Having manners means a lot to me.

Yes Let*It*Be, you know virgos.