Virgo man ghosting me - is he completely done with me?

About 6 months ago, I started a relationship with a Virgo guy who is 7 years younger and used to be my work colleague 4 years ago.

I was in the process of breaking up with my long time boyfriend, and the Virgo sort of gave me a push to do make up my mind.

I currently live & work in another country, so during the 6 months, I could only meet with the Virgo 5 times, but we texted almost every day and it looked as if he was just throwing himself into the relationship, suggesting and even telling me he was in love.

Anyway, I told him I was breaking things with my boyfriend and I wanted to be with him, gave him a deadline when my boyfriend was moving out and constantly reassuring him we were on the same page (he told me he wanted a future with me and would do anything for it).

He seemed to believe and understand me, but also was getting impatient and upset a lot, as he felt I was not being honest with him about breaking off my current relationship.

He got upset that I once didn’t call him specifically to ask him to come over (although it was alreay agreed). Then, that I couldn’t call him one day when I said I would try (although I had sent a text saying I had a rough day at work and was not feeling well, and appologised for not being able to call him).

All of these, combined with a lot of manipulation attempts (e.g. saying things like "I would do anything for you, but I guess I don’t deserve anything in return.") were starting to get to me, and it all culminated in one evening, when he got angry I replied to a text from my soon-to-be-ex. He started saying things like I am always on my phone and don't pay enough attention to him. At that point, I decided I had enough and told him I want to end it with him.

The next night, he was in front of my building, texting me that he doesn't want to live without me and that I'll never hear from him again...

Anyway, though all of this, I never ignored him, yelled at him, acted emotional or angry. I always replied to his messages and tried to explain I feel I am not giving him what he wants. He left at "if you change your mind, you know where to find me".

2 weeks after the breakup, I had a change of heart and thought we could maybe talk things through and start fresh. I sent him an objective, yet sensitive text explaining how I did not handle the situation well and wanted to meet with him. No reply...

I texted him 3 more times after that and tried to call, he did not answer.

The last time I tried calling was on his birthday, and he had a woman answer his phone.

I am not a genius here, but it looks like he is trying to punish me in a really childish manner.

Just wondering, is this something Virgos do, or is he just immature and/or a bit of a psycho?

Is he completely done with me, or will he come back one day?

After all that don't know why you want him back.

Posted by Weeds

After all that don't know why you want him back.

Don't really want him back, I could never trust him again after this. But I am trying to understand what happened.

Also, when we were together he seemed genuinely sweet, generous and affectionate, opened up to me quite a bit (unlike what most Virgos are said to do), and always did everything to make it up to me after a fight.

So I am wondering if it was all fake the whole time.

Just trying to learn something from this so I can move on...

Posted by NinaD

Posted by Weeds

After all that don't know why you want him back.

Don't really want him back, I could never trust him again after this. But I am trying to understand what happened.

Also, when we were together he seemed genuinely sweet, generous and affectionate, opened up to me quite a bit (unlike what most Virgos are said to do), and always did everything to make it up to me after a fight.

So I am wondering if it was all fake the whole time.

Just trying to learn something from this so I can move on...

click to expand

What happened was he had too many insecurities and sounds too young if he is jumping head first and being all these kind things. Will he pop up again? Sure... months... years from now.

He could be immature or he is just done with you. I mean, sounds like he put up with a lot of BS from you, waited for you to break it off with your man and then you dump him. Why would he want to stick around? I wouldnt talk to you either tbh

Posted by SeaLion

He could be immature or he is just done with you. I mean, sounds like he put up with a lot of BS from you, waited for you to break it off with your man and then you dump him. Why would he want to stick around? I wouldnt talk to you either tbh

Thanks for this perspective, I believe that is how he must have felt.

Only, there was no BS, I was always upfront with him and had no idea it bothered him that much that I didn't get rid of the other guy fast enough. It's not my fault he didn't make it clear he was hurting and honestly, I was doing all I could to make things right, just had some special circumstances that prevented me from moving faster.

He kept saying he understands and is not jealous/insecure, but his actions said otherwise.

And I never ever led him on, I meant every promise I made. I mean, sometimes people just have to learn to communicate and be honest. What good does it do to pretend?

Posted by NinaD

Posted by SeaLion

He could be immature or he is just done with you. I mean, sounds like he put up with a lot of BS from you, waited for you to break it off with your man and then you dump him. Why would he want to stick around? I wouldnt talk to you either tbh

Thanks for this perspective, I believe that is how he must have felt.

Only, there was no BS, I was always upfront with him and had no idea it bothered him that much that I didn't get rid of the other guy fast enough. It's not my fault he didn't make it clear he was hurting and honestly, I was doing all I could to make things right, just had some special circumstances that prevented me from moving faster.

He kept saying he understands and is not jealous/insecure, but his actions said otherwise.

And I never ever led him on, I meant every promise I made. I mean, sometimes people just have to learn to communicate and be honest. What good does it do to pretend?

click to expand

You're complaining about this man and talking about him. While you are still referring the guy that you lived with as your "boyfriend" in the present tense.

And this is 6 months in, and your circumstances seem not to have changed at all.

Think about that.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by NinaD

Posted by SeaLion

He could be immature or he is just done with you. I mean, sounds like he put up with a lot of BS from you, waited for you to break it off with your man and then you dump him. Why would he want to stick around? I wouldnt talk to you either tbh

Thanks for this perspective, I believe that is how he must have felt.

Only, there was no BS, I was always upfront with him and had no idea it bothered him that much that I didn't get rid of the other guy fast enough. It's not my fault he didn't make it clear he was hurting and honestly, I was doing all I could to make things right, just had some special circumstances that prevented me from moving faster.

He kept saying he understands and is not jealous/insecure, but his actions said otherwise.

And I never ever led him on, I meant every promise I made. I mean, sometimes people just have to learn to communicate and be honest. What good does it do to pretend?

You're complaining about this man and talking about him. While you are still referring the guy that you lived with as your "boyfriend" in the present tense.

And this is 6 months in, and your circumstances seem not to have changed at all.

Think about that.

click to expand

He was my boyfriend at that time in the past and it would have been weird to refer to him otherwise.

And things have changed, he is now out of my life and I am living alone just as I said I would.

So I didn't change my mind, as the breakup had nothing to do with the Virgo guy, he was just extra reason to go through with it. And it only took too long because my ex had a hard time finding a place to stay. He wasn't an asshole, we just wanted different things, and it was hard for me to just throw him out after a 6-year relationship.

Maybe I have left some details out to avoid writing too much. Things with the Virgo were not serious at first and we both knew and accepted it. The whole part with him getting upset a lot and throwing fits was only in the last 2 months, after he revealed he saw a future with me and I agreed and told him I am talking care of things.

But true, I gave him less attention than he deserved, probably because it was hard for me to believe he was that serious about us.

Posted by NinaD

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by NinaD

Posted by SeaLion

He could be immature or he is just done with you. I mean, sounds like he put up with a lot of BS from you, waited for you to break it off with your man and then you dump him. Why would he want to stick around? I wouldnt talk to you either tbh

Thanks for this perspective, I believe that is how he must have felt.

Only, there was no BS, I was always upfront with him and had no idea it bothered him that much that I didn't get rid of the other guy fast enough. It's not my fault he didn't make it clear he was hurting and honestly, I was doing all I could to make things right, just had some special circumstances that prevented me from moving faster.

He kept saying he understands and is not jealous/insecure, but his actions said otherwise.

And I never ever led him on, I meant every promise I made. I mean, sometimes people just have to learn to communicate and be honest. What good does it do to pretend?

You're complaining about this man and talking about him. While you are still referring the guy that you lived with as your "boyfriend" in the present tense.

And this is 6 months in, and your circumstances seem not to have changed at all.

Think about that.

He was my boyfriend at that time in the past and it would have been weird to refer to him otherwise.

And things have changed, he is now out of my life and I am living alone just as I said I would.

So I didn't change my mind, as the breakup had nothing to do with the Virgo guy, he was just extra reason to go through with it. And it only took too long because my ex had a hard time finding a place to stay. He wasn't an asshole, we just wanted different things, and it was hard for me to just throw him out after a 6-year relationship.

Maybe I have left some details out to avoid writing too much. Things with the Virgo were not serious at first and we both knew and accepted it. The whole part with him getting upset a lot and throwing fits was only in the last 2 months, after he revealed he saw a future with me and I agreed and told him I am talking care of things.

But true, I gave him less attention than he deserved, probably because it was hard for me to believe he was that serious about us.

click to expand

I don't really care if presently you are with your ex or not. That really has no bearing in the present and future. What I have issue with, is the way you are describing the Virgo as some overtly emotional, asshole that caused you all these issues. You are minimizing all of the things you were doing that are quite honestly, pretty shitty. While simultaneously, relaying all these bad qualities the Virgo showed. Regardless if you are or are not involved with your present day ex, that was not the case when you decided to start dealing with the Virgo. You are a cheater. You cheated. You started another relationship with the Virgo, before the ending of your other relationship. Yes, the Virgo made the decision to continue with you. Yes, no one held a gun to his head. But for probably most of the 6 months, the Virgo was having to deal with you living with another man. And then wondering, why the Virgo would act in any emotional sort of way during that time. and then breaking up with him for being insecure about the situation. Do you not recognize just how convoluted that whole scenario sounds?

Did you really expect a relationship to be healthy, and the Virgo to not have some baggage when it started out with all of that in the first 6 months of it? You started a new relationship, before your last one even stopped. Hell, you started a new relationship before you stopped living with another guy. Quite honestly, you're the bigger asshole in this situation. So for you to feel anything that brooches towards anger or hurt, you need to look at what you put him through for all that time. And I find most of your responses weird because you respond and type in a way of absconding yourself from being an asshole, yourself. He is an emotional clusterfuck, but you aren't any better.

And I am going to honest here, this relationship WILL not be healthy in any sense of the word. If you two get back together, it will end up being toxic as all hell. With only a slim chance of working out long term. This whole thing is too messy, with too much shit baggage from the start.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by NinaD

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by NinaD

Posted by SeaLion

He could be immature or he is just done with you. I mean, sounds like he put up with a lot of BS from you, waited for you to break it off with your man and then you dump him. Why would he want to stick around? I wouldnt talk to you either tbh

Thanks for this perspective, I believe that is how he must have felt.

Only, there was no BS, I was always upfront with him and had no idea it bothered him that much that I didn't get rid of the other guy fast enough. It's not my fault he didn't make it clear he was hurting and honestly, I was doing all I could to make things right, just had some special circumstances that prevented me from moving faster.

He kept saying he understands and is not jealous/insecure, but his actions said otherwise.

And I never ever led him on, I meant every promise I made. I mean, sometimes people just have to learn to communicate and be honest. What good does it do to pretend?

You're complaining about this man and talking about him. While you are still referring the guy that you lived with as your "boyfriend" in the present tense.

And this is 6 months in, and your circumstances seem not to have changed at all.

Think about that.

He was my boyfriend at that time in the past and it would have been weird to refer to him otherwise.

And things have changed, he is now out of my life and I am living alone just as I said I would.

So I didn't change my mind, as the breakup had nothing to do with the Virgo guy, he was just extra reason to go through with it. And it only took too long because my ex had a hard time finding a place to stay. He wasn't an asshole, we just wanted different things, and it was hard for me to just throw him out after a 6-year relationship.

Maybe I have left some details out to avoid writing too much. Things with the Virgo were not serious at first and we both knew and accepted it. The whole part with him getting upset a lot and throwing fits was only in the last 2 months, after he revealed he saw a future with me and I agreed and told him I am talking care of things.

But true, I gave him less attention than he deserved, probably because it was hard for me to believe he was that serious about us.

I don't really care if presently you are with your ex or not. That really has no bearing in the present and future. What I have issue with, is the way you are describing the Virgo as some overtly emotional, asshole that cause you all these issues. You are minimizing all of the things you were doing that are quite honestly, pretty shitty. While simultaneously, relaying all these bad qualities the Virgo showed. Regardless if you are or are not involved with your present day ex, that was not the case when you decided to start dealing with the Virgo. You are a cheater. You cheated. You started another relationship with the Virgo, before the ending of your other relationship. Yes, the Virgo made the decision to continue with you. Yes, no one held a gun to his head. But for probably most of the 6 months, the Virgo was having to deal with you living with another man. And then wondering, why the Virgo would act in any emotional sort of way during that time. and then breaking up with him for being insecure about the situation. Do you not recognize just how convoluted that whole scenario sounds?

Did you really expect a relationship to be healthy, and the Virgo to not have some baggage when it started out with all of that in the first 6 months of it? You started a new relationship, before your last one even stopped. Hell, you started a new relationship before you stopped living with another guy. Quite honestly, you're the bigger asshole in this situation. So for you to feel anything that brooches towards anger or hurt, you need to look at what you put him through for all that time. And I find most of your responses weird because you respond and type in a way of absconding yourself from being an asshole, yourself. He is an emotional clusterfuck, but you aren't any better.

And I am going to honest here, this relationship WILL not be healthy in any sense of the word. If you two get back together, it will end up being toxic as all hell. With only a slim chance of working out long term. This whole thing is too messy, with too much shit baggage from the start.

click to expand

No, you are totally correct, about all of it. I did not expect it to be a healthy relationship, it never is when it starts like this.

I also did not expect him to fall for me, and vice-versa. And it was indeed shitty of me to ask him to wait until I solve my issues and I understand that the whole situation would have made the Virgo insecure and jealous. If I could go back, I would stop it all from happening, but I can't really do that. And while it was happening, I was really not seeing things clearly.

I thought I could talk with him about all of it, appologise for not having handled it differently and at least reassure him that he was and is important to me. I mean, I must sound like a hypocrite, but it's actually true. And yes, there was a time when I believed we could have started over, but I am aware now that it's not an option.

Long story short, thanks for your comments. Sometimes we can be selfish and not see certain things until someone points them out. Thanks to you, things make more sense - including why he may want nothing to do with me anymore. I still want to think he could have just told me to f*** off instead of ghosting, but I get that it may not be always that easy.

dumb question and also quite rude to ask if it's a virgo thing - as anal as they can generally be

But maybe you are made for each other because there's no way i could be given a date for when i can start being the new gf. What in tarnation

any time someone ghosts you, they are done. Just move on.