Virgo Man - More than Friends?

Guys I really need some help trying to figure out my male Virgo friend. I am a virgo also. We work together. We didn't speak at all for the first year that I worked there. He rarely speaks to anyone, never smiles, he just sits at his desk and works. One day, in an awkward situation I broke the ice, found out we had some similar interests and we have been inseparable ever since. People tell me that when I am there, he is a complete different person. Some said they never knew he could smile until I came along. We started talking outside of work, we talk constantly. Mostly through IM, we are both homebodies and thats pretty much always where we are. The story goes on and on. (I'll spare the rest of the details, its getting corny enough) Let's just say, everything was setting up just like a fairy tale and I was just biding my time until he got his slow virgo mind made up. Mind you we never talked about it. Not even hinted about us liking each other. Too shy for that, but all the signs were there.

That went on for about 6 months, we are now at month 9......

Now, things are starting to get awkward between us. Starting a couple on months ago, he almost stopped talking all together, both at work and home. I always knew that he was extremely private, that was ok at first, but now after all this time he still hasn't let me in at all. He even tries his best not to say 'bye' when he goes to leave now. He seriously tries to time it to where he can just slip away while I am busy with something else. Sometimes when I say it, he just flat ignores it and bolts for the door. The tension between us is almost unbearable. Everyone else seems to be picking up on it too. This is most days now sadly. Then there are other days when everything was like it used to be, all smiles and constant talking, and he makes it obvious that he missed me (without saying it) etc.

We are still as close as we were, but everything is different. Did I miss my chance because I didn't step up first and ask him out? Did he never like me and he figured out I liked him and he is distancing himself? Does he still like me and its just the Virgo man issues rearing their ugly head? My emotions are all over the place. Add on top of the fact that my over analytical Virgo mind has been in overdrive throughout all of this. I need advice. I can't ask him, because its he is the type that will run at the first sign of emotion, and I may lose my friend too. Please, any help would be appreciated....

Couple of worlds and nothing more

Leave him alone and be patience, he is an extremely private person anything you do is going to work against you.

my guess:

This guy definitely has personal problems and most probably financial problems too.

He was not ready for a marriage relationship but like everybody he too needs love. So inspite of being a recluse he responded to your smiles but has second thoughts lately and is avoiding you so as to not hurt you and also minimize his hurt.

I will bet he thinks about you all the time.

Now we have to be realistic and understand that we cannot solve others problems for them but ofcourse we can help, up to a point.

The most important thing to do is start communication and you stop discussing his personal matters with the girls in your office. But you should have someone to confide and thats important.

No harm in being close friends. Perhaps you could tell him that, to gain his confidence. Probably this guy is very possessive.

Oh i cant help thinking that one of his many personal problems could be cute damsel heads stored in his cooler along with liver delicacies. :0

You know, before we became friends I used to privately think that (if we had office superlatives) he would be the one we would vote "Most Likely to be a Serial Killer". After we became friends I found that is the farthest thing from the truth. He is a really sweet guy who would drop anything to help me, and always does. So I have to try and be careful not to ask for too much help. I don't talk about him to the other people at work. That would be an invasion of his privacy, and I know better. Besides I wouldn't do that to him anyway. People have always approached me about him to say those things I mentioned above. Even then I just kind of smile or something, trying not to give too much away.

I've tried my best to ignore him, thinking that he just wants to let go, for it to be over. After a couple of hours of this, I can see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me waiting for me to pay him some attention. Usually to tell me something really off the wall and unimportant. I have even tried ignoring that, in which case he usually gets up and comes to me.

He does have some social issues. That I will admit. I hate to make it seem like he is this really creepy guy, but thats the only way to convey him without actually knowing him. He really isn't. Like I said he just has some social issues. When you get him to come out of the shell for a minute he is just as normal as the next guy.

you are in this deep 🙂

Soulness, I'd like to know where in the hell you got the below from the OP?


"This guy definitely has personal problems and most probably financial problems too."

"He was not ready for a marriage relationship but like everybody he too needs love."

".. and you stop discussing his personal matters with the girls in your office."

"Probably this guy is very possessive."




Seriously .. I wish people would STOP conflating their own issues with other peoples. Nowhere in the OP is any of the above implied .. and yet, you would say these things as if they were real to the situation.

analyticalvirgo ...... this guy has found a friend in you, in which he apparantly really enjoyed. FROM YOUR OWN TESTIMONY OF YOUR SITUATION, it was when you realized you felt more for him that he began to get wierd on you, so this would lead one to believe that you having different feelings meant he is aware of these feelings, and picked up on the change in you.

"he still hasn't let me in at all"

The above portion of a quote was said within your post as you were talking about him avoiding you and trying to leave without you knowing his comings and goings .... so, this would leave one to assume that he feels like you are intruding upon his privacy in some fashion, as he would assess the situation.

It sounds like he feels like he is being crowded ... doesn't it sound that way to you? So, if he's trying to avoid you, then back off. If he wants to leave the building without you taking notice .. then let him leave without taking notice.


It sounds like he just wants to be let to live .. so let him.

Thanks for the responses. I really do appreciate it.

Its hard to explain 9 months in such a short space, so let me see if I can clarify a few things. First off, I started having feelings for him very soon after we became friends. Probably after the first month or so, when I started getting to know him a little. I started thinking, "wow this guy is really amazing". After about 6 months is where everything started getting weird. I wasn't acting any different. He wasn't acting any different. Everything was the same as it always had been. It was one of those things that just happened. One day everything was great, the next everything was different. It came out of nowhere.

As far as him not saying goodbye. I know it comes off as sounding trite and childish. However, let me put it to you like this. Would it bother you if you were having a conversation with someone online and at the end you say "bye" and they never respond? How about if you were in front of their face, having a nice conversation and as it winds down they turn around, grab their stuff and walk out the door with you still standing there....without a word? Actually, the other day he pulled that crap, I said "bye" anyway as he was turning a corner. Guess what, he smiled. I wanted to throw something at him.

I have at this point pretty much stopped initiating any form of conversation with him. I always wait for him. If he wants out, if he wants me out. All he has to do is not talk to me, but he always comes back. Literally, we can only make it about 1-2 hours before he is right there trying to get my attention. Oh and God forbid another guy comes to talk to me, he is in that conversation before I can get 2 words out.

Also, you guys might be interested to know that he is in his 30's.

(Once again, I really do appreciate the feedback. Please forgive me if I sound snippy. Its not my intention. I just spent a long frustrating day at work with him and am emotionally drained right now.)

AV,

The VirGuy is emotionally stunted...

He doesn't know how to move beyond Friend to Girlfriend - much less Lover!

Shit! That thought alone would probably make him wet his pants!

You need to forget about this thing going anywhere anytime.

V + V is tough enough when both V's are mature enough to handle adult romance. Your VG is still back at the Junior High wet spitball in your hair means I kinda like you stage of development...

This sentence spoke volumes to me: I can't ask him, because its he is the type that will run at the first sign of emotion, and I may lose my friend too.

Leave him be. Find yourself a Grown Man.

he sounds like he has some serious socialization problems. why would you want a relationship with this person? so what, besides the two of you he cannot socialize with anyone? imagine that! sorry mom and dad, he does not speak...sorry friends, he does not talk to people...

Dyar,

I do agree there on your analysis. I am 39 and when dealing with a 40 year old Virguy, the emotional maturing and adult romance is definitely something that makes a HUGE difference in how it progresses. Not at any time was I mislead, lied to, played with or gamed. He was honest from Day 1 and though he needed his OWN time to figure things out, he came around calmly, confidently and more frequently as part of his routine/duty even going so far as to gently speak of his feelings and say I'm not going to run away.

Being a Virgo myself, yes I analyzed things to its very core, upside down and backwards. At first, even with my Aquarius rising I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to figure out how the VG counterpart thinks and analyzes.

I stood back

I never got jealous or possessive, I was kind and supportive with my OWN life

I allowed lots of space and didn't pressure/demand what he could not give me at certain points in the relationship

I called 10% of the time in two years and left the other 90% to him (he would call and court more and more on his VG time once comfortable, but the 90/10 balance never wavered)

I built trust, appreciation and caring with him on a deeper level (paramount) with a slow and very PATIENT time frame

I inspired him to value himself FIRST and his gifts/talents

I allowed the push and pull once I understood it, without guilting, demanding or screaming BULLBUTTER, SCREW THIS WAITING CRAP! (most womens' egos/emotions taking over WAY TOO SOON at 1-3 months)... you MUST have PATIENCE, PATIENCE OH and did I mention PATIENCE?? I don't mean 3 months. Some VGs, even mature ones do feel comfortable after a few months and possibly feel "the one", but can take up to a year to test(her), analyze(her) and make sure the feelings are genuine. But the overall VG pattern never changes. As he said to me, slow and steady wins the race!

I am not saying that all VG's are like this. Some can't find maturity to save their lives. It's just part of the VG development process as they age. Some of them even at 40+ still can't figure it out.

You can tell right away when they aren't mature. Usually they're acting a fool and you're left sitting there blaming yourself for something that you didn't do or had nothing to do with. Sometimes it's just plain incompatibility. That's life.