Virgo man problem

Hello. I have an issue with this Virgo man, I will try to be as short as possible. By the way, Cancer woman here.

We met at work, ended up having a one night stand at the staff party. After that I tried friendly approach and was met with his "I don't want a relationship" which I never mentioned. He started ignoring me whenever we would bump into each other at work but little by little it went from "Hi" to longer conversations. Among other things, I found out he still wasn't over his ex.

Few months after, he sent me a text basically inviting me over to spend a night and well, I went to him. After that we still kept being friendly at work, he would walk up to me and chat. We spent quite some time talking through texts, mostly him asking me about things, I had a feeling he was trying to get to know me. Then in one text he says, I prefer us being friends because sex complicates things and this will just blow up in our faces. Okay, I went along with it. Around that time he quit his job.

We went for drinks for my birthday. He opened up to me about some deep emotional topics about him and his family and told me he cares for me more than any of my friends and he wouldn't go out for drinks with anyone but would with me. We ended up at his place, nothing happened but during the night he told me he loved me and that I wasn't like any of his girlfriends. Maybe he was just too drunk?

After that, silence and avoiding. I saw him only twice in five months and only because I bumped into him by accident. In that period I tried keeping in touch and inviting him for a drink, it was always "Yeah we could have one" but it never happened.

Then few weeks ago he texts me and invites me to spend the night with him. I did. Sometimes in the morning he said something along the lines of now you'll try to put strings on me to which I replied no strings here. And I am not sure but it was almost like he was disappointed after he repeated what I said.

Now I haven't talked to him after that night, and while I am aware that he just used me this last time, I am just curious, what went on in this Virgo's head before that? Showing interest, opening up, saying he loves me, pushing me away?

Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading.

Thank you everyone, appreciate the responses.

Posted by ramsby
it was always "Yeah we could have one" but it never happened..

^All you need to know.

You're doing a lot of bending here to accommodate someone who could care less about your effort. He would have met you half way. You can pursue this and maybe he will come on board but from that point forward it will forever be your job to adapt to him and you will resent it.

Beware of forsaking yourself. Your "no strings attached" line is a lie you're telling yourself and it gives him the opportunity to keep you on a string and then tell you "well you said there were no strings attached, why do you want more now?"

Not your job to make sense of a confused person, no matter his reasons or logic he has in his actions. You did more than enough to present yourself as someone who is open to building something with him. He willingly is not meeting you half way.

Posted by TomSawyer
and I'm pretty sure you contributed to the growth.

= here is a pat on your head, a complimentary cookie and a gold star. well done helping him with his mental growth that he will use on pursuing other women.

conspicuously missing in the picture: him beside you.

Posted by TomSawyer

Posted by Damnata

Posted by TomSawyer
and I'm pretty sure you contributed to the growth.

= here is a pat on your head, a complimentary cookie and a gold star. well done helping him with his mental growth that he will use on pursuing other women.

conspicuously missing in the picture: him beside you.

So by this logic he should get with Op, stay with her even if he's not feeling anything and never search for the perfect girl for him.

Notice Op isn't bitching and crying over him but asking legit questions about what's going on in his head.

click to expand

No, by this logic she should walk.

I was agreeing with what you said. You stated the truth. She helped with his mental growth as a bona fide psychologist. Nothing else will come out of it.

Posted by Toti

Posted by TomSawyer

Posted by Toti

Posted by TomSawyer

Posted by Toti

Posted by TomSawyer
Mmhm.

Definitely rings a bell.



What you explained is basically detox.

I'm almost finished with this mental-cycle myself, so this should open your eyes to something new.



So imagine a person being on heroin and really thinking about quitting cold turkey, no metadone etc.

This person is preparing himself mentally and physically for all the toxins to get out of his body.

(You can't usually fight this unless you've really made up your mind and have a will of steel)

So he tries to go for 1 hour without..so far so good.

(In your case - let's have a one night stand).

Alright, next is 4h

(Him dodging you at work - withdrawal slowly kicking in)

Next is 5h

(He sidetracks the withdrawal - starts acknowledging you and says hi/+ you find out he's not over his ex/ and other feelings(heroin)).

Time goes on and he focuses on you in order to ignore the reality.

(he spews any kinda of bs like diarrhea out his mouth(let's not fuck but just stay friends).

8h in and ^This one continues on your birthday + alcohol definitely played a role in the stuff he was saying.

(Like a junkie he starts thinking about doing a little hit = He needed to get alot off his mind, you were willing to help).

2 days into withdrawal and he disappears for a while.

(this is when he knew it was too much and what had to be done)

(You reached out and he kindly lets you know that not now).

Finally close to the end of it, he's battled with this and won(some what)

and reaches out to you in order for you to say something positive.

You told him what you thought he wanted to hear - he goes into a negative state.

Now he's probably putting things in perspective.



Moral of the story is, mental growth is a bitch.

One has to go through it, if not, you're bound to repeat the same mistakes and stick to one pattern.



Anyway, you stuck it out the best way you could and I'm pretty sure you contributed to the growth.

^This is a shortened version of what sounds to be going on.

I may be wrong though.

I'll spare everyone the repetition of my story

^This made me smile

If a man wants you, he will do impossible. If he is flaky and disappearing ,he a.has someone else b.is gay 3. is mentally ill

#4 He's not that into you atm



But yeah, pretty much nailed it.

life goes on

Virgos are everywhere.

click to expand

Sounds like the prologue of a horror movie.