What does he want from me— (Page 2)

Stringsattached...yes there has been make out sessions, yes he addmitted to liking me, he tested the living shit out of me...he even got a little posessive and jealous and took major interst in my family and who i am and i got to him open up to me when he told me he was "closed" and how hard it is for him to verbally express etc....

so it wasn't exactly just a standed friendship...he pursued the crap out of me and then one day.....just went shy and thats when his behaivour went weird. lol

No....i never had sex with him, even when it was on offer and i'm glad i bloody didn't!...because i hate the feeling of being used and that is exactly how i would have felt if i caved in.

He even told me some real dark and disturbing secrets about himself...even told me "i hate myself" and the secret he told me is soooooo full on that of course it's going to effect him getting into personal relationships.

I haven't been giving him any attention. All i get from him is that virgo stare, you the one you can't interpret?

I actually dealt with one young and much reserved Virgo 5 yrs ago in grad school. We broke up right before graduation because he did not want to have any serious relationship, he was going back to his hometown and did not know what would happen to his life there. I was an unnecessary baggage so he decided to leave me behind. The strange thing is, he kept calling me once in a while for a couple of months, then one day he told me he had a new GF. Never heard from him again. The trust? No, I had not built any trust in this relationship beforehand. It happened so fast and we basicially were carried away. But we were both young...

Why trust if the guy is CP? Well, if we were trusting each other, I do not think he would have left me. Because later on he confessed that he thought I would leave him first. He said he never realized I had such strong feelings for him. He also said he had a weak personality and he was afraid he would screw things up and it freakened him out. He basically did not want to deal with it and took the nearest exit.

Trust sometimes helps people to overcome his/her own weaknesses and find the strength in the other person. Relationships are tough and every now and then you need someone to lean on. CPs find this kind of power hard to believe in.

By the way, two days ago I emailed my Virgo suggesting going out for a drink sometime. He was out of town again but replied to my message from the airport at 4:30 in the morning 🙂 and said he would love to. He'll call me later this week to set up a time.

Posted by Ike
Being rejected is probably the most hurtful thing I have ever felt, If I don't have to deal with it, then why should I?


I agree with ya mate . Are any of your planets in leo by chance ? Because i think its even worse for leo infulenced people .

Both my Moon and Venus are in Leo. So all my emotions are essentially that of the mighty Lion.

Its just not fair for guys to take on so much risk and make all the moves especially not with so many manipulative sluts out there .

And ladies this is the kind of men you stay away from, you will never feel cherished, wanted nor loved, this response is typical of a man that wants to control, he's fully aware of the power women have in being the choosers so he quickly manages you down to being the pursuer which takes all your power away, look around DXP so many women chasing these damn men and wailing and crying, that is typically what these men are trying to avoid so they covertly get you in that position and he can lean back and be lazy as he watch you trip over your shoes trying to CONVINCE him why he should choose you.

As stringsattached said, you want real men, men that aren't fearful of rejection, men that will stand up and go get the woman they desire, there are way too many woman haters out here...be careful

Ike is the kind of man you AVOID when you want something real, we women are natural givers, fixers, we tend to meet men half way yet I'm aware of the kind of women he's speaking about, most of us here don't qualify the position of that kind of woman. This is the typical attitude that men are projecting these days (not all) but there is a huge shift were the men are wanting US to pursue them because they know the person pursuing has less power. Meeting half way should not mean women chasing men, women pursuing men, women doing and being the whole relationship which is what it leads to, yes we can ask men out but typically these men are not meeting us half way and again it creates and enables laziness. They say one thing but if you notice, look around the boards, they are doing something else, they know there power and you better start learning yours or continue eating crumbs.

I'll be arrogant and hated, hate turns into love as far as I'm concerned, I choose to believe it's confidence and as far as 50/50 well it's just as important to women as it is to men. Yet if you notice ladies the mental mind set of a man, the concern is about disadvantage instead of courting and love, that says a lot...

IMO there are some scandalous women out here, I'm not even suggesting there isn't but were does that leave the huge majority of women that are not this way, it seems a huge majority of good women are being misled, they give there 50 but were are they being met half way, look on DXP and there is a huge population of women being misled in some way, they are being encouraged to fall in love and still misled, it's not by chance this is happening

tiki, I fail to see how only MEN are capable of doing what you said to women.

Women do it too!

It all comes down to the level of maturity with the people involved.
I play games with women, but I never mislead them and I never toy with dangerous emotions.

The men you describe do, take that up with them and stop generalising.

Posted by Cajunspirit
tiki, I fail to see how only MEN are capable of doing what you said to women.

Women do it too!

It all comes down to the level of maturity with the people involved.
I play games with women, but I never mislead them and I never toy with dangerous emotions.

The men you describe do, take that up with them and stop generalising.

I never said women don't do it and as for generalisations I made it clear that I am not speaking about all men and I'm definitely not talking about good men, I know what good men are capable of, I am talking about women and there experiences with a certain type of man if your not that kind then don't worry about it Cajun.

If your playing games with women then you fail to see how your actions are interpreted by women, many women grieve and hurt over these actions and there is no way to say your actions don't create dangerous emotions, take a look around DXP with all the women who are hurt over this game playing, game playing does mislead and create dangerous emotions in women. Find another sport

Posted by hikoro
Tiki

What about women trying to get pregnant by a man in order to "keep him"?

In my opinion, this is one of the most disgusting-manipulative acts any person could ever commit.

Again never said women don't have there own agendas, I'm not speaking about that dynamic, I know it exist but there is another dynamic that I see playing out between men and women and that is my focus.

"in the Western world leads young adults to treat their lovers/partners as if they were a gadget from Best Buy. And all of us know the way we treat technology."

Couldn't have said it better Hikoro

Even the person who has good intentions ends up losing those values because hey, you can't be a sheep among wolves, can you?

LOL, good point

So are you saying if you can't beat em join em and would you join em?

Posted by Ike
I don't understand why tiki and strings attached are attacking me and calling me names , when i am simply expressing my observations from the real world . I also speak from a understanding of guys fears and i feel they are just as valid as womans because i know how diffcult it is to put yourself out there, and not know the nature of the woman . I also point how women say things like "man up " as a way to trick guys into making all the moves unfairly . I don't think i am a bad person or a control freak like these women are trying to portray me as . I definetly love women , but i just want to say something that has been bothering me .

I never called you names and I certainly feel no need to attack you, I thought we were having a 50/50 point of view but okay Ike, I concede, I will try not to address you but I too have my own observation and any man that call women sluts to me is a man to be avoided, you have cleared that up by saying you love women. Yet your words send up red flags, slut, tricked, then you see things in terms of disadvantage, damn were is the love?

Then I have to ask myself what kind of women are you dealing with to even use that kind of language and if that is the attitude you take with all women and how do you work out the good from the bad when it comes to women.

I apologize, I am sorry Ike if you felt attacked, never my intentions...

Posted by StringsAttached
Oh hell no--I love gettin' mail. Can't wait to open it. LOL

LMAO!!

As for the 50/50 I was never against it, I'm all for it, I'm for chivalry and I'm also for women asking men out, I'm for anything that doesn't manipulate and head f*ck women or even men for that matter, I actually see both sides of it, I'm mostly speaking about a certain type of dynamic that I'm seeing play out between men and women, if that is not you (you meaning any man in general on DXP) then it doesn't apply.

Posted by StringsAttached

Posted by Ike
And you refer to whom?

To a very mysterious lady behind the veil...................

Okay, that can't be tiki. (Your post followed hers, so I was in question.)

Look. He's already got his eye up to the wall! Lol.

click to expand

LOL...nope, he is not referring to me

LOL....i can tell my virgo doesn't like it when i stiff him either. The last time i saw him i was sitting outside by myself and he came walking out with a friend, i turn around to find him staring RIGHT AT ME and he waves and i just looked away and didn't pay him any mind all day. I know for a fact that he HATES it when people intentionally ignore him but as you said stringsattached...what else does he expect?....yeah, i don't like it but i'm just trying to gain some power back. It's actually very unlike me to cling onto some guy so i can feel secure.

The hard part for me is that one of my very close friends(who has years of experience with virgos) has told me that he's simply not going to run around telling everyone who he has feelings for because it's not his way. He won't even talk about what/who is close to his heart because he considers it to be a weakness and he hates feeling weak. He hates to admit that he could possibly start really "feeling" for a girl and is going to do everything in his power to fight it off (sad, he should be fighting for it)...create a different reality and mislead people because the idea of being exposed scares the living shit out of him. The part that id even more hurtful is that he is under the impression that i've rejected him (due to a major misunderstanding)....

Either way..i'm still going to pull away and get my composure back.

:: My ears are burning!! ::

Hate that I missed this lively discussion!

The original question: What does he want from me?

My answer: It depends.

First, men are hard-wired for sex - a lot of sex, with a lot of different women. We produce way more sperm than would ever be needed to mate with just one woman, and we can get an erection from just a few visual cues without the benefit of a penis-bone -- unlike the vast majority of male mammals -- there'd be no multi-billion dollar porn industry without these facts of human male biology...

Second, men can differentiate between having sex and making love in ways that most women cannot. Some men only care to have sex, and have no desire for any kind of emotional involvement with any woman beyond what it takes to get her legs open. But, most men do want that emotional bond with a woman -- and just one woman. I call these guys Grown Men versus the Big Boys...

Third, women are often torn between conflicting desires. On the one hand, the Big Boy is assertive and sexually exciting; but on the other hand, she realizes that the Grown Man is the better long-term match -- though probably not as hot in the sack. What's a girl to do? Try to make the Big Boy grow up? Good luck with that! Try to get the Grown Man to be sexier? A coin toss. Marry the Grown Man, but have the Big Boy as a secret lover? Lots of choices, but there are no guarantees of success, or of long-term happiness...

So, the first thing a woman has to know is herself -- who she is, and what she wants in a man, BEFORE she enters the dating pool - even at the shallow end. (But if she wants a Virgo Man, she's gonna have to swim into the deep end.)

If she wants the Grown Man, she's going to have to look in the right places -- some pools are cesspools where no one should drink the water! It slays me when I hear women gripe about never meeting any decent guys at the bars... Duh-fucking-huh! Big Boys are at the bars to get laid. If there are any Grown Men there, they're probably already taken, and are just hanging out with the guys...

Down South, Grown Men can be found at church, at Lowe's, Home Depot, AutoZone, sporting events, and AT WORK. Grown Men generally have REAL JOBS -- they're not the guys with 50 tattoos & 10 piercings, who recline on a bench behind the counter at a music store...

For the woman who wants a Virgo Man: What the hell are you thinking?!! We are about the most difficult guys to meet, let alone date, and we'll probably wear your patience down to a nub before you finally throw in the towel! I've written tons of shit on how to attract, date, and marry a Virgo: Be Yourself. Don't send mixed signals, hoping to hit a note that sounds good to him. All you'll do is confuse him, and make him think you're a faker...

If you sense mutual attraction, similar interests, and agreeable temperaments between you, let him know it. You don't have to ask him out, but he does need to know that you are an achievable goal. This guy who seems so poised and mature is riddled with self-doubt, and he needs that extra boost that Big Boys don't (they're full enough of themselves already!)...

Finally (!): Yes, some men will always look but not touch - they'll never take the plunge and have a real relationship with a real woman - call them what you will. BUT: If you've been talking to a Virgo Man for more than six months beyond the simply casual, and he hasn't asked you out, HE'S NOT GOING TO!! For whatever reason, it ain't gonna happen. If you have to know to save your own sanity, then ask him out, and see what happens. But honestly, if you're at that point, it's time to move on...

~DY

DY you nailed it, oh gawd, I don't think I could have said it any better!!! A few statements I loved!

she realizes that the Grown Man is the better long-term match -- though probably not as hot in the sack. What's a girl to do? Try to make the Big Boy grow up? Good luck with that!

Some men only care to have sex, and have no desire for any kind of emotional involvement with any woman beyond what it takes to get her legs open. But, most men do want that emotional bond with a woman -- and just one woman. I call these guys Grown Men versus the Big Boys...

So, the first thing a woman has to know is herself -- who she is, and what she wants in a man, BEFORE she enters the dating pool - even at the shallow end.

If you've been talking to a Virgo Man for more than six months beyond the simply casual, and he hasn't asked you out, HE'S NOT GOING TO!!

For whatever reason, it ain't gonna happen. If you have to know to save your own sanity, then ask him out, and see what happens. But honestly, if you're at that point, it's time to move on

Posted by Scorpchick
LOL....i can tell my virgo doesn't like it when i stiff him either. The last time i saw him i was sitting outside by myself and he came walking out with a friend, i turn around to find him staring RIGHT AT ME and he waves and i just looked away and didn't pay him any mind all day.

He won't even talk about what/who is close to his heart because he considers it to be a weakness and he hates feeling weak. He hates to admit that he could possibly start really "feeling" for a girl and is going to do everything in his power to fight it off (sad, he should be fighting for it)...create a different reality and mislead people because the idea of being exposed scares the living shit out of him. The part that id even more hurtful is that he is under the impression that i've rejected him (due to a major misunderstanding)....

Either way..i'm still going to pull away and get my composure back.

The thing is this Scorpchick it doesn't matter if there was a misunderstanding, it doesn't matter if he's scared what matters is he's DOING nothing to save it, he's doing nothing to express himself, he said before he avoids you because you seem to go over the edge, well it shows by how you respond, your pouting and turning away like a school girl, NOT ATTRACTIVE.

Grown men don't stare but Man-Boys do. It's a sign of immaturity, I'm not saying what he's doing is wrong but it definitely is not satisfying to you, it doesn't make you feel anything but frustration and raise up more unanswered questions and that alone should make you assert some distance. There is nothing wrong with reciprocating an acknowledgement, if he smiles and says hello, I see nothing wrong with responding to that. Stop being immature and cold because he's not doing it your way, there is no requirement for him to ACT on his thoughts and feelings with you, some men are not ready for the responsibility that comes with love, women and relationships, that is why he could show you so much PHYSICAL attraction during that courting time but couldn't go any further than that and the more you punish him by turning away from him without validation will just create the very thing you don't want. Leave the door open, give him the freedom and space to walk through it if he chooses, if not, big deal, move on and continue to focus on yourself. Be angry but leave room for reconciliation.

Posted by StringsAttached
tiki, we must be inter-telepathic or something. How do we wind up on here at just the same moments?!

I've got to get going, however. Just amusing myself with Dy's reads.

Hey Strings! Well I wasn't going to post today but I couldn't respond fast enough to his great post LOL

He wouldn't stop looking at me today when he thought i couldn't see him, his face turning bright red at one point and then he runs. He's still "there"....though not giving me the same attention he used to. He was even standing in a particular place where he knew i could see him and did nothing. He also looked really sad (saying he hurt his leg...i didn't know hurting your leg could result in sadness) and then i find out that a friend told him about me hooking up with a guy on the weekend....(i'm single why not?)

seriously.....

No...he doesn't have a girlfreind. I think this girl has a thing for him but she doesn't know him, understand what hes like and personally i think he's trying to stay in his comfort zone. Meet and charm a girl until he gets her in the sack, start finding faults in her personality to push her away and eventually do it.If he offeres her sex, i think she would take it because as i said, she would think "something" of it. She is very beautiful so it's just a lusty thing.

With me, he couldn't get me in the sack, instead i got him to open up (i didn't force him, he could have avoided the convo)...but we did that all the time. every coversation we had, we would learn something new about eachother. I actually couldn't blieve how he was sitting there picking himself apart after he would walk around saying he's "the bomb"....he doesn't talk about anything "personal"...so i could tell her was beginning to open up and trust me.


I said there was a huge misunderstanding which i got a feeling resulted in him being put under the impression that i rejected him when infact...i didn't.

If i got his veins all stirred up, what is he going to do?

If it was such a good thing why the hell hasnt he made proper contact with her? If he had those feelings (anybody had strong feelings for somebody) wouldnt you do what it takes to make things right or resolve a friendship/relationship? I mean seriously, this is like High school (and yes Ive lived it myself) drama.

She's ignoring him because she doesnt want to be hurt and she has to protect her dignity....why the hell would she want to go backwards now? I think thats very very bad advice. She's already had to do the hard part and gone through the worst stage, why go back?

Seriously?

I can tell you that if I cared deeply for somebody and they simply didnt bother to talk to me anymore for whatever reason? Id do everything in my power to find out why and if I was at fault rectify it....THATS REAL FRIENDSHIP and that is REAL love.....not these games.

Sounds like a frustrating situation... good luck with that.

Well the misunderstanding could have been resolvod if virguy was just simply honest about how he truly thinks and feels.

But first off today at work he was looking and watching me interact with friends (you know the norm) and then i find out that he heard about me hooking up properly (by the girl who saw it and filmed it on her camera...hey it was funny) and she was going to show him and he said "no i don't want to ufcking see that shit"....ha! he didn't want to seeit and then out of the blue i'm hearing about him being on light smokes because the other girl doesn't like him smoking hard ones. They are not together and as i said he just wants her for sex...even his best friend told me this today. I had not heard him say one thing about this other girl until today and my instant reaction was because of my hook ups (okay it was 2 guys)....but i don't know..what do you think?

and when this misunderstanding occured he tried his HARDEST to get into my good books on the day it happened. I saw him walking into the store with her and he was looking directly at me and i became mad because it felt like he was trying to get a reaction out of me...(he did this alot...tried to make me jealous)...and i had enough. He doesn't use his words (at least not directly) so i could see that when he looked at me that day...he was concerned and sad.

This issue got out of hand very quickly because he told people about a call our friend made saying that he shouldn't do that to a girl blah blah blah and how much i like him and how much he knew about it and thats when he started denying everything. He got real nasty through the week, he got real nasty saying that it was this call that pissed him off yet I got the abuse and not our fresay "no" and rip me to shreds saying i always eyed him off and wouldn't leave him alone, he even said that he was going to put a restraining order on me!!!!!!!!....i couldn't understand WHY he was lashing out at me like this when i never made the call that he was apparently pissed off at. then our friend said that for months poeple were in my ear saying that he was a sleazebag etc....and his reaction was not good. He became VERY ANGRY to the point where he had to stand up and walk around the room. He said that it was all making sense to him (he had been aware of my behaivour which wasn't what he described so i knew he was making it up...it was him who was like this with me)

after he calmed down our friend said (the one who filmed me with the guy) said..."maybe she just wants to be friends?" when she knew damn well that i was in peices after what he didbecause i have feelings for him. He then requested to be alone for a while on that day yet still said "i'll tell her that i don't like her like that"...yes, he said he was going to talk with me.
Even that day when he was FURIOUS at me, he still would turn and look at me real seriously and with what looked like sadness on his face.

After this settled down we slowly began talking to eachother again...very slowly. Only a few words and i saw him make efforts but i was still hurting (or am should i say) because he simply isn't being honest and i knew he wasn't going to have this talk with me. i asked him "is it okay if i call you tonight?"...and he said it was, that he'll put him phone on charger but he didn't answer. When i saw him again at work, he acted as if everything was fine....he saod sorry for not answering and i coouls see him trying with me and i was trying with him....and then he goes and starts being real cold towards me...still watching me and knowing where i was in the store but became real distant.

He told my friend that he didn't know how to say "no" without "tipping me over the edge" (i didn't think it was about playing because i don't know if he was... judging by his reaction when he found out people were telling me this)....he gets this girls number infront of me (he does this alot but it still hurt) and then continued to watch me from afar (like today) only this time i would catch him and he would look away quickly....it feels like he is still holding onto something. It 's all a big mess because HE won't talk to me about it (surly he must know by now that he will lose more than just a "freindship")

whenever i'm emotonal...he won't go near me and when our friend told me about the light smokes crap...although i didn't see his face while she said, i don't think he found it amusing that she told me that because when i sawhim...he was red in that face.

sorry..i've got tones of spelling mistakes because i was typing a little to fast so i hope you still understand what i wrote 😛

That part that makes this situation and him as whole frustrating is that he NEVER tells anyone what he really thinks and feels. When he is happy, he won't say WHY, if he is angry, he won'y say WHY,if he is sad, he won't say WHY and i found it highly weird that he likes 2 girls, can admit this but when my name gets brought up...he can't talk about it. His way of communicating is beyond odd. He sees love and all that as "weak" and even told me this (he even pointed to his heart and said it with such nervousness..like he was feeling when he told me this)...and yet, he admitted to me about liking me which wasn't easy for him when he did. He put his head down and was all ".arrrghh....yeeesss"

We REALLY took our walls down for eachother and i told him while we were struggling to say goodbye "lets not tell anyone about what we talked about"...and he kept his word and still to this day has kept his word.

and then a few months later...goes and does all this

When he reacted in such a cruel way when that whole issue went down...i just thought "he's overeacting and lashing out at me because he's heart broken"...when i never rejected him.

no offense SC but that whole misunderstanding story seems immature and childish, you have to be a bit of a commitment phobe yourself to endure all that mess.

Well no girl wants to here that the guy she has feelings for could be a player....even though 95% of me didn't believe it. The situation to me became childish when to many people beacame apart of the mess...plus i wasn't actually there when all this went down so it was out of my control.

A man that gets phone numbers in front of you is not that into you, he's showing signs of disinterest along with interest, his ambivalence means he's not that into you. A great book to read and even go to her website is http://rhondafindling.com/rhondas-books.htm seems she has ebooks now as well, if you want to read excerpts of her books http://rhondafindling.com/excerpts.html

Some men don't have the emotional capacity to deal with a woman beyond the courtng, wooing phase, it's not you he's running from, many women struggle because they feel rejected and they feel if they just sit down and talk it will be okay and it won't, he's done, he's gone, what most men like this guy is running from is everything a real relationship represents.

He doesn't want it, nothing will make him want it and he's showng you he has no interest in it. Does that mean he's not attracted to you? No but being attracted to you means giving you more than what he's capable, relationships represent everything he's incapable of having because he doesn't want what comes along with being with any woman, being together, mutual communication, compromise, having both feet firmly planted in the relationship amongst a few other things. He just wants to play

Ambivalence (am-biv-e-lens) n. 1. The existence of mixed feelings toward someone or something. Difficulty in reaching a decision.

Ambivalent Man (am-biv-e-lent man) n. Abbreviation: AM. 1. One who exhibits or feels ambivalence toward women. 2. One who plays games. He wants a relationship; he wants to break up. He's confused, mixed up, inconsistent, and unpredictable. Yet he's irresistible and easy to fall in love with . . . and almost sure to cause a broken heart.

The Ambivalent Man can be anyone- the cute guy from the office, the hunk from the gym, or the intellectual from the coffee shop. No matter how you define him, there's no denying that it's easy to fall for him- and tough to get over him. He's charismatic and exciting. he says all the right things. Each time he calls, you drop everything to be with him. But just as things start heating up, he pulls away, leaving you wondering what you did wrong.It's not you, it's him!

Well today i was just going about my day and he would not stop looking over at me, staring then looking away quickly when i would look up and catch him and he has said that he doesn't want to be a "ucnt"...and that apparently he feels guilty for inviting all our work mates to his place on the weekend ...but not me. This apparently explains his staring lol....for what the whole 9 months?...and then he started trying to get my attention again. Talking about pointless crap and trying to get near me....i just don't know what he is trying to do.lol

SC I would suggest you read the commitment cure by Rhonda Findling, it's less than $ 10 and you can download it and read it online. He isn't trying to do anything but waste your time. He's arbitrarily excluding you which means he has no no REAL interest outside of playing games which he is clearly doing.

The ambivalent behavior, the staring but excluding you is driving your scorpio mind crazy. I would suggest avoiding this clown for awhile, maybe even transfering or keeping it strictly platonic work talk.

He's not interested in a real relationship, he wish you weren't either so he could continue to play with you but he must keep his distance as to not lead you on and create drama. I know you girls wish it was this huge mystery why these guys act the way they do but it's not, it's pretty simple once you know ambivalent commitment phobic assclown language.

Sigh...again

Ambivalence (am-biv-e-lens) n. 1. The existence of mixed feelings toward someone or something. Difficulty in reaching a decision.

Ambivalent Man (am-biv-e-lent man) n. Abbreviation: AM. 1. One who exhibits or feels ambivalence toward women. 2. One who plays games. He wants a relationship; he wants to break up. He's confused, mixed up, inconsistent, and unpredictable. Yet he's irresistible and easy to fall in love with . . . and almost sure to cause a broken heart.

The Ambivalent Man can be anyone- the cute guy from the office, the hunk from the gym, or the intellectual from the coffee shop. No matter how you define him, there's no denying that it's easy to fall for him- and tough to get over him. He's charismatic and exciting. he says all the right things. Each time he calls, you drop everything to be with him. But just as things start heating up, he pulls away, leaving you wondering what you did wrong.It's not you, it's him!