Crapmaster555
@Crapmaster555
10 Years
Comments: 25 · Posts: 132 · Topics: 28
Book?
Posted by ramengirl
I read chapter 1 and it's cute so far. ☺ I'll let you know how it is.
Thanks!
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
Posted by HappyCapper
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
That's fair. I'm going to work on that. And the planet she's on doesn't matter until chapter 5... Thanks for the criticism!
Posted by Crapmaster555May I ask, who is your audience? Just got curious after having read on.Posted by HappyCapper
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
That's fair. I'm going to work on that. And the planet she's on doesn't matter until chapter 5... Thanks for the criticism!click to expand
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555May I ask, who is your audience? Just got curious after having read on.Posted by HappyCapper
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
That's fair. I'm going to work on that. And the planet she's on doesn't matter until chapter 5... Thanks for the criticism!click to expand
Probably the people on Google+.
Posted by HappyCapper
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
I have nothing to describe.
Posted by HappyCapperare you a writer too, happy capper? it sounds like you know very well how to write.
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
Posted by Crapmaster555Who is that? What age group, for instance?Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555May I ask, who is your audience? Just got curious after having read on.Posted by HappyCapper
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
That's fair. I'm going to work on that. And the planet she's on doesn't matter until chapter 5... Thanks for the criticism!
Probably the people on Google+.click to expand
Posted by Crapmaster555I didn't understand that. What do you mean?Posted by HappyCapper
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
I have nothing to describe.click to expand
Posted by lisabethur8Hmm. Well. I have written stuff...Posted by HappyCapperare you a writer too, happy capper? it sounds like you know very well how to write.
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.click to expand
Posted by HappyCapperoooohhhhh share!!Posted by lisabethur8Hmm. Well. I have written stuff...Posted by HappyCapperare you a writer too, happy capper? it sounds like you know very well how to write.
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.click to expand
(if you like of course!)
Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555Who is that? What age group, for instance?Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555May I ask, who is your audience? Just got curious after having read on.Posted by HappyCapper
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
That's fair. I'm going to work on that. And the planet she's on doesn't matter until chapter 5... Thanks for the criticism!
Probably the people on Google+.click to expand
14-18 year olds.
Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555I didn't understand that. What do you mean?Posted by HappyCapper
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
I have nothing to describe.click to expand
My main problem is that I'm not good at stretching out the chapters with detail. And this is AFTER I made edits.
I agree with @HappyCapper. The story is moving way too fast...like movie plot fast (if that makes sense). Slow your plot down a bit. Give your audience something to anticipate.
Also, I think you could be a little more descriptive with your characters. You want people to get a clear picture of who they are in their minds. Other than that, it's a cute story 🙂
Also, I think you could be a little more descriptive with your characters. You want people to get a clear picture of who they are in their minds. Other than that, it's a cute story 🙂
Posted by lisabethur8Not sure what I have written that would be suitable for a forum, lenghthwise, and that I'm actually prepared to call completely finished. Hmm. Thinking.Posted by HappyCapperoooohhhhh share!!Posted by lisabethur8Hmm. Well. I have written stuff...Posted by HappyCapperare you a writer too, happy capper? it sounds like you know very well how to write.
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
(if you like of course!)click to expand
Posted by Crapmaster555That's probably good. And you could go even a bit lower, imo. Just remove the "go back to" part, as that makes the reader fall out of the story and the younger reader would not identify. Again, imo.Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555Who is that? What age group, for instance?Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555May I ask, who is your audience? Just got curious after having read on.Posted by HappyCapper
I also only read the first chapter and tbh, I think you could spend more time on characterization and setting.
The part that I liked the most in terms of characterization was "The bad kids sat in the back and the good kids sat in the front, so she figured that in between was fine with her." But I need more. Why should I care about this girl - what is so special about her - I need it to be more idiosyncratic.
The setting also needs more work. imo. In the prologue, you tell us about "her home planet," so at least I expect to get something that will make me come more to terms with where I am, in order for me to really be able to get down to and enjoy the actual story.
Imo.
That's fair. I'm going to work on that. And the planet she's on doesn't matter until chapter 5... Thanks for the criticism!
Probably the people on Google+.
14-18 year olds.click to expand
Posted by Crapmaster555Do you feel like you know your characters? Can you be inside their heads?Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555I didn't understand that. What do you mean?Posted by HappyCapper
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
I have nothing to describe.
My main problem is that I'm not good at stretching out the chapters with detail. And this is AFTER I made edits.click to expand
Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555Do you feel like you know your characters? Can you be inside their heads?Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555I didn't understand that. What do you mean?Posted by HappyCapper
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
I have nothing to describe.
My main problem is that I'm not good at stretching out the chapters with detail. And this is AFTER I made edits.click to expand
Yeah. I imagine the story as I write it.
Posted by Crapmaster555Your main character,Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555Do you feel like you know your characters? Can you be inside their heads?Posted by HappyCapperPosted by Crapmaster555I didn't understand that. What do you mean?Posted by HappyCapper
Read to chapter five and it is, imo, way to fast. It's like you want to cram as much information onto the pages as possible, but at the same time that you are restraining yourself from writing what you actually want to write. Relax!
You've got the imagination, you've got the drive and you've got the passion and most importantly, you're actually doing it! Now, all you need to do is to "find yourself as a writer." It seems to me you want your story to be exciting and funny, but that the actual writing is limiting you. Again, relax! Find your own voice. Don't hold back - just write!
Again, imo.
I have nothing to describe.
My main problem is that I'm not good at stretching out the chapters with detail. And this is AFTER I made edits.
Yeah. I imagine the story as I write it.click to expand
Does she have any siblings?
What's her relationship with the sibling(s) if she has any?
What kind of toothpaste does she use?
Does she like veggies?
Alone on a park bench or in a coffee house in the city?
Which subjects does she like in school? Gym? Math? English?
What's her first memory?
You don't have to give us all this info, if you don't want to, ofc, just consider if you really know the character.
When you imagine the story, how much do you see? Where is "the camera," so to speak?
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