@virgoOPPP
7 Years10,000+ Posts
virtue signalling?
Understanding Virtue Signaling in Relationships
Virtue signaling in relationships involves showing moral superiority or generosity to gain approval or validate oneself. It often manifests as demanding praise or recognition for actions like paying for dates. Recognizing these behaviors helps clarify underlying insecurities and promotes healthier communication based on genuine care rather than validation.
Too long to read but just send him a #solo from Skype and it will done
what is a 'solo?'
does that mean act 'like i'm single?'
Just cheat on him with an exciting Fire sign man like what other virgals do.
just FYI his ex cheated on him and she's a pisces woman
i'm really starting to understand her
i've taken her side once when i lost my mind the first time
Just cheat on him with an exciting Fire sign man like what other virgals do.
just FYI his ex cheated on him and she's a pisces woman
i'm really starting to understand her
i've taken her side once when i lost my mind the first time
Plot twist he is the one cheating on you with a local girl, that's why he doesn't want you to come.
Now you have this idea in mind you won't sleep during two days, yw.
click to expand
jane austen overkills never do that
makes me trust him but also hurts me sometimes with archaic crap
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
Money
Before
Love
😬
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
click to expand
So why waste energy on this non relationship, which is hurting you?
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
So why waste energy on this non relationship, which is hurting you?
click to expand
i mean i've felt this way so many times in general
this only the 2nd time he's done this
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
Do you feel tired? Do you feel like the same is playing over and over?
click to expand
this the 2nd time he's done this. and i'm always very detailed about what hurts me. i write paragraphs man. but it's like sometimes his good guy methods can't process how this one thing can lead to me getting hurt. but he's so intuitive with everything else except for appreciating my plans.
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
So why waste energy on this non relationship, which is hurting you?
i mean i've felt this way so many times in general
this only the 2nd time he's done this
click to expand
So are you going to wait around for a third time?
You Are Crazy!!! So what if he thinks it should be on him, doesn't mean he is stuck in old fashioned roles to the point it will become a problem. Chill!
you don't get it
we're going to continue to see less of each other and i've been feeling disengaged with the relationship
it's the lack of quality time, the sense that i'm making an effort and how it's being discarded
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
So why waste energy on this non relationship, which is hurting you?
i mean i've felt this way so many times in general
this only the 2nd time he's done this
So are you going to wait around for a third time?
click to expand
what are we supposed to just quit on every flaw?
what i wanna know is how to get my point through his skull
You Are Crazy!!! So what if he thinks it should be on him, doesn't mean he is stuck in old fashioned roles to the point it will become a problem. Chill!
you don't get it
we're going to continue to see less of each other and i've been feeling disengaged with the relationship
it's the lack of quality time, the sense that i'm making an effort and how it's being discarded
click to expand
I totally get it
What if you say to him that you're not able to keep making the effort all the time and if he wants to input more into the relationship then that would be good
See what comes back....
Hmm, well you've all expressed yourselves.
What next? What would you like to see happen from here on out?
i can't stop crying
why do i have to feel like i'm buying time
god i hate it coz i've felt this way so many times now
So why waste energy on this non relationship, which is hurting you?
i mean i've felt this way so many times in general
this only the 2nd time he's done this
So are you going to wait around for a third time?
what are we supposed to just quit on every flaw?
what i wanna know is how to get my point through his skull
click to expand
Not but you need to decide what you want from a rship...
You Are Crazy!!! So what if he thinks it should be on him, doesn't mean he is stuck in old fashioned roles to the point it will become a problem. Chill!
you don't get it
we're going to continue to see less of each other and i've been feeling disengaged with the relationship
it's the lack of quality time, the sense that i'm making an effort and how it's being discarded
I totally get it
What if you say to him that you're not able to keep making the effort all the time and if he wants to input more into the relationship then that would be good
See what comes back....
click to expand
exactly. it's like finding out how hurt i was over something just forces him to act. that's why trying to appease me feels 'forced' to me right after that. we haven't seen each other in months, i try to fix that and you're.... virtue signalling? you can't spend all your time working and act like i still know you. we've spent more time apart than together, please be realistic. i've asked him directly why i have to feel like i'm paying for his time if he was so 'honorable.'
You main killer or survivor?
You Are Crazy!!! So what if he thinks it should be on him, doesn't mean he is stuck in old fashioned roles to the point it will become a problem. Chill!
you don't get it
we're going to continue to see less of each other and i've been feeling disengaged with the relationship
it's the lack of quality time, the sense that i'm making an effort and how it's being discarded
I totally get it
What if you say to him that you're not able to keep making the effort all the time and if he wants to input more into the relationship then that would be good
See what comes back....
exactly. it's like finding out how hurt i was over something just forces him to act. that's why trying to appease me feels 'forced' to me right after that. we haven't seen each other in months, i try to fix that and you're.... virtue signalling? you can't spend all your time working and act like i still know you. we've spent more time apart than together, please be realistic. i've asked him directly why i have to feel like i'm paying for his time if he was so 'honorable.'
click to expand
Yes
Why are you sending him money if he works so hard? Does he accept despite the resistance?
It is old school thinking because he is a capricorn before everything else 😂🤣😂
Remember the headphones I bought my Cap?
Similar situation. He wanted to see the link to make sure I got the right ones and the first thing he said when I shared it was....YOU PAID WHAT— THAT IS TOO MUCH.
I told him to shush it and just be happy.
It will always be a thing for them so you just have to deal.
I don't have your watery moon so I don't internalize the feels. You have to let it go and let it be what it is. If he doesn't like it....well....tough shit? He can deal or not deal, that is his choice. Don't take on his feels and yours too.
I guess they don't understand that giving freely is selfish on the givers part (is for me because Libra bits and it makes me warm and fuzzy....probably for you because of all that Virgo service junk).
Let me give....but don't take. It is a fine line for me.
as a virgo, it's very hard for me to be with someone who doesn't seem to want to be pleased. i don't see a mission anywhere. if i don't feel like i'm necessary in the picture, then there will be no point to be in it.
where is the main quest? i need to get there.
You main killer or survivor?
survivor main
usually claudette or dwight
i suck as a killer
can't track for shit
didn't read thread and maybe there's more detail but it doesn't seem like a big deal...normal thing for a guy to say, and do...plenty of men who are still old-fashioned like that and don't like a woman paying for things, especially if its significant...its just as much virtue signaling if you have an issue with that....
You Are Crazy!!! So what if he thinks it should be on him, doesn't mean he is stuck in old fashioned roles to the point it will become a problem. Chill!
you don't get it
we're going to continue to see less of each other and i've been feeling disengaged with the relationship
it's the lack of quality time, the sense that i'm making an effort and how it's being discarded
I totally get it
What if you say to him that you're not able to keep making the effort all the time and if he wants to input more into the relationship then that would be good
See what comes back....
exactly. it's like finding out how hurt i was over something just forces him to act. that's why trying to appease me feels 'forced' to me right after that. we haven't seen each other in months, i try to fix that and you're.... virtue signalling? you can't spend all your time working and act like i still know you. we've spent more time apart than together, please be realistic. i've asked him directly why i have to feel like i'm paying for his time if he was so 'honorable.'
Yes
Why are you sending him money if he works so hard? Does he accept despite the resistance?
click to expand
he accepts coz i force it on him but he doesn't spend it
we try to one up the other with financial support
but it's stupid coz we just bounce money back and forth
though this is better than the usual scam i get
r/imarriedmydad
Literally all you had to say was,
“Okay, babe, when that money comes in plan something nice for me. But for now I miss you and have to see you so let’s have some fun.”
I think you are taking out all your stress about the situation and Covid out on each other and of course you will become distant if you are doing that.
Time to recenter. This is not a hill to die on unless you really do not what to be in a relationship with him anymore.
You say you understand why his ex cheated on him. That is pretty cold/cruel. Maybe you just need to move on if your respect has dropped so low?
i was super emotional and hurt
was going to throw any word i can at him
and that came out
Sounds like a typical slow moving cap
And Virgo relationship. This pairing is really good when both have enough patience, maturity and understanding to grow with each other.
I Don’t understand the whole sending money to his account. To a cap man, that might be insulting. I could be wrong though. Maybe try being more creative with coming up with ideas to meet and arrange dates if you want to take initiative and pay.. sounds like a lot of work though.. caps 🤦🏾♀️
also - not sure if your culture is the same, but its considered good manners in many that have a strong emphasis on reciprocity, to reject or at least put up resistance to an extravagant gift, even if you ultimately accept...The driver there is to stay out of the person's debt....so I don't think its necessarily a chauvinistic or paternal thing....
Literally all you had to say was,
“Okay, babe, when that money comes in plan something nice for me. But for now I miss you and have to see you so let’s have some fun.”
I think you are taking out all your stress about the situation and Covid out on each other and of course you will become distant if you are doing that.
Time to recenter. This is not a hill to die on unless you really do not what to be in a relationship with him anymore.
You say you understand why his ex cheated on him. That is pretty cold/cruel. Maybe you just need to move on if your respect has dropped so low?
i was super emotional and hurt
was going to throw any word i can at him
and that came out
I understand that but lashing out, from personal experience, only drives a wedge.
You can’t take words back.
Maybe if you get that upset take a while to sit with your feelings until you’ve calmed own and then try to talk once that reaction is over.
I am very reactionary by nature so I totally get this, but it is not helpful if you want to keep this person on your life.
click to expand
i act so cool only to lose my mind after
sometimes i feel oversensitive like some people won't think much of what he said
but man i died on that hill, that was my waterloo 😭😭
I mean I could read this whole situation as you virtue signaling to him by making a romantic gesture and then throwing a fit because he didn’t give you the reaction that would get you off.
But it just doesn’t seem like a hill to died on as I said. Unless there is more going on.
just a minor philosophical quibble, but I never understood complaints around virtue signaling...its sort of self-defeating, bc if you have a problem with it, you're basically virtue signaling...
I mean I could read this whole situation as you virtue signaling to him by making a romantic gesture and then throwing a fit because he didn’t give you the reaction that would get you off.
But it just doesn’t seem like a hill to died on as I said. Unless there is more going on.
just a minor philosophical quibble, but I never understood complaints around virtue signaling...its sort of self-defeating, bc if you have a problem with it, you're basically virtue signaling...
I can see people’s point in the social justice version. When you just talk or join to follow a trend on social media but don’t actually put in the work behind that. I’ve been guilty of that at certain times in my life.
But I think relationships should be built on showing your virtues to someone. 😂
click to expand
I can see that...most times I see it used though its premised on the assumption that the person is insincere in whatever values they're espousing though. I guess if you have actual evidence that its a fake demonstration of those values, then it works...
Literally all you had to say was,
“Okay, babe, when that money comes in plan something nice for me. But for now I miss you and have to see you so let’s have some fun.”
I think you are taking out all your stress about the situation and Covid out on each other and of course you will become distant if you are doing that.
Time to recenter. This is not a hill to die on unless you really do not what to be in a relationship with him anymore.
You say you understand why his ex cheated on him. That is pretty cold/cruel. Maybe you just need to move on if your respect has dropped so low?
i was super emotional and hurt
was going to throw any word i can at him
and that came out
I understand that but lashing out, from personal experience, only drives a wedge.
You can’t take words back.
Maybe if you get that upset take a while to sit with your feelings until you’ve calmed own and then try to talk once that reaction is over.
I am very reactionary by nature so I totally get this, but it is not helpful if you want to keep this person on your life.
i act so cool only to lose my mind after
sometimes i feel oversensitive like some people won't think much of what he said
but man i died on that hill, that was my waterloo 😭😭
Maybe just think about that. Like I said I usually make mistakes when I act on my emotions in the moment. I’ve made messes for sure.
You can always try to apologize to him.
He just might not accept if you’ve hurt him beyond what he finds it okay.
click to expand
hurt him? he's the one who hurt me. and he apologized. me taking his ex's side was an old argument we had.
sometimes when i get hurt, i stop thinking.
anything i do after that isn't me as a virgo anymore.
I think it’s more of a distinction between are you doing it for the cause or doing it for yourself.
Which I guess could be applied to a romantic relationship but I just don’t see that being the correct term.
All I see here is someone not wanting to be in “debt” to the other which is a whole different issue.
He wants to be the one to take her out and do things which is coming from a place of love and affection, I assume. It may be a little patriarchal/old school but I think she could have side stepped his pride and it wouldn’t have been an issue unless he literally refused to meet. Just making comments about it and expressing feelings isn’t a bad thing. It’s good. But if you are shut down and old fights brought up for expressing your preferences it really won’t make you want to come back to the table.
I mentioned the same....with how they've discussed that people have taken advantage of her financially, it may also be a matter of him safeguarding against developing that dynamic in the relationship out of real consideration, not just posturing...
Literally all you had to say was,
“Okay, babe, when that money comes in plan something nice for me. But for now I miss you and have to see you so let’s have some fun.”
I think you are taking out all your stress about the situation and Covid out on each other and of course you will become distant if you are doing that.
Time to recenter. This is not a hill to die on unless you really do not what to be in a relationship with him anymore.
You say you understand why his ex cheated on him. That is pretty cold/cruel. Maybe you just need to move on if your respect has dropped so low?
i was super emotional and hurt
was going to throw any word i can at him
and that came out
I understand that but lashing out, from personal experience, only drives a wedge.
You can’t take words back.
Maybe if you get that upset take a while to sit with your feelings until you’ve calmed own and then try to talk once that reaction is over.
I am very reactionary by nature so I totally get this, but it is not helpful if you want to keep this person on your life.
i act so cool only to lose my mind after
sometimes i feel oversensitive like some people won't think much of what he said
but man i died on that hill, that was my waterloo 😭😭
Maybe just think about that. Like I said I usually make mistakes when I act on my emotions in the moment. I’ve made messes for sure.
You can always try to apologize to him.
He just might not accept if you’ve hurt him beyond what he finds it okay.
hurt him? he's the one who hurt me. and he apologized. me taking his ex's side was an old argument we had.
sometimes when i get hurt, i stop thinking.
anything i do after that isn't me as a virgo anymore.
You don’t think that would hurt him? Or you don’t care if he’s hurt if you are hurt?
click to expand
he knows i didn't mean it
and that's not part of the issue we're having now
if anything, i'm more hurtful when i'm quiet
I’d be more pissed off that he’s prepared to miss a sexy fun time with me in a hotel. Who’d pass on that?
🔥
You told him about the guy who scammed you/ was only trying to use you for your money. He's not about that life and is making sure you KNOW that he's in this for you, not what he can get outta you. Thats why he questions you spending your money on a fancy hotel when any hotel will do. He's not showing up to get 5 star room service, he's showing up to see YOU.
Your being offended over nothing really. But I get it. When your unable to see each other your mind starts acting crazy and the insecurities creep in. All of your problems would be non-issues if there wasn't a freaken pandemic going on.
What the fuck is this crap?!
You pull away from him because keeping in contact, while being away from him , makes you sad - to such an extent that even he has noticed. Surely, that's selfish? And then, when he makes a point about financing a reunion, you go berserk?
Woman, I'm not going to sugar coat this but your're projecting your own failure, to keep the relationship alive, onto him.
You want to distance yourself from him, for self-preservation, and then treat him as the villain for discussing something practical (and you have to give him some respect for wanting to financially contribute)?
Sorry but it is YOU who needs to grow up. Fucking Virgos...
*smh*
i'm not trying to kill it
This is the typical Virgo crap I come across every time, which has completely put me off dating one again.
Virgos are shite communicators and expect others to read their minds. And all it does is create problems.
This thread is just another example...
i communicated this to him in DETAILED PARAGRAPHS
also: tell him he's your bitch now
What the fuck is this crap?!
You pull away from him because keeping in contact, while being away from him , makes you sad - to such an extent that even he has noticed. Surely, that's selfish? And then, when he makes a point about financing a reunion, you go berserk?
Woman, I'm not going to sugar coat this but your're projecting your own failure, to keep the relationship alive, onto him.
You want to distance yourself from him, for self-preservation, and then treat him as the villain for discussing something practical (and you have to give him some respect for wanting to financially contribute)?
Sorry but it is YOU who needs to grow up. Fucking Virgos...
*smh*
i'm not trying to kill it
I never said that but, being a Virgo, you're unnecessarily complicating matters...
click to expand
excuse me?
he's the one who can't relax and insists on paying all the time
why can't this be equal?
i swear i make a thread and only that @tiziani understands my parade's end problems
What the fuck is this crap?!
You pull away from him because keeping in contact, while being away from him , makes you sad - to such an extent that even he has noticed. Surely, that's selfish? And then, when he makes a point about financing a reunion, you go berserk?
Woman, I'm not going to sugar coat this but your're projecting your own failure, to keep the relationship alive, onto him.
You want to distance yourself from him, for self-preservation, and then treat him as the villain for discussing something practical (and you have to give him some respect for wanting to financially contribute)?
Sorry but it is YOU who needs to grow up. Fucking Virgos...
*smh*
i'm not trying to kill it
I never said that but, being a Virgo, you're unnecessarily complicating matters...
excuse me?
he's the one who can't relax and insists on paying all the time
why can't this be equal?
Once again, this wasn't in the OP. Once again, a Virgo is reminding me of what shite communicators they are...
click to expand
it's literally the point of the OP
What the fuck is this crap?!
You pull away from him because keeping in contact, while being away from him , makes you sad - to such an extent that even he has noticed. Surely, that's selfish? And then, when he makes a point about financing a reunion, you go berserk?
Woman, I'm not going to sugar coat this but your're projecting your own failure, to keep the relationship alive, onto him.
You want to distance yourself from him, for self-preservation, and then treat him as the villain for discussing something practical (and you have to give him some respect for wanting to financially contribute)?
Sorry but it is YOU who needs to grow up. Fucking Virgos...
*smh*
i'm not trying to kill it
I never said that but, being a Virgo, you're unnecessarily complicating matters...
excuse me?
he's the one who can't relax and insists on paying all the time
why can't this be equal?
Once again, this wasn't in the OP. Once again, a Virgo is reminding me of what shite communicators they are...
it's literally the point of the OP
Please quote the passage in the OP because I can't see it.
Also, this:
"i feel like i'm the only one really making an effort to save our relationship"
What?! By being emotionally distant towards him, for all these months, and then investing in ONE DAY for a 'hook-up'?!
click to expand
are you serious? just coz i admitted to being distant doesn't mean that i'm not communicating. it's the mood of the entire thing, there's this vibe okay? all i'm saying is that he tends to talk more than i do especially recently. and this isn't the only time he's done something like this. you have no idea how i have to compete for his time man. so i drink and game with my time so what? he works so it's fair, right?
You told him about the guy who scammed you/ was only trying to use you for your money. He's not about that life and is making sure you KNOW that he's in this for you, not what he can get outta you. Thats why he questions you spending your money on a fancy hotel when any hotel will do. He's not showing up to get 5 star room service, he's showing up to see YOU.
Your being offended over nothing really. But I get it. When your unable to see each other your mind starts acting crazy and the insecurities creep in. All of your problems would be non-issues if there wasn't a freaken pandemic going on.
It’s a fancy hotel to set the damn mood.
No one wants to do it in a La Quinta or some shit.
click to expand
Fancy smancy. Lots of mid range hotels do the trick.
As long as there is a bed they really don't need much else.
But I guess theres no winning with the dxp crowd. He wants you to save your money? Gasp! Dump his ass immediately. Smh.
i swear i make a thread and only that @tiziani understands my parade's end problems
LOL
I might watch it again, I'm not getting much done in this weather.
click to expand
i've finished it and still on the wife's side
the struggle of being with a man like that 😢😢
tell him you bought his ass , and tonight you're going to make him walk with a leash naked
for a couple months now due to travel restrictions, i'm not able to see this cap sun/pisces moon. there's a steady line of communication but i admit that i spent more time playing DbD than i have doing relationship maintenance activities. so i've been accused of being cold/distant, that i treat him like we're just friends texting each other instead of him being my boyfriend. i mean he's right and i've told him that i've been feeling so disengaged lately and that i just wanna drink. i've been gaming, drinking and just overall trying my best not 'to be here' and forget this situation but he doesn't understand that it's coz i really miss him and having no concrete plans of seeing him is just making me depressed. and keeping contact for too long at a time makes me even sadder about the whole thing. am i making sense? our relationship was built on making plans but lookie where we are. and what else is there to talk about? my online sales? how i feel powerless coz i can't do anything to fix this?
but then enforcement became less tight so i can finally move around a bit. and i got offered this new finance job so now we have like a week left before that takes over my life and we get to see each other again the end of july. but i'm not even asking for a week, just for ONE DAY. so i decided to go all out and book something fancy. haven't see him in months and won't see him again for another so why not, right? i thought i've set everything just right. called him, told him about it and that new job too. of course he's happy but main thing he said: "how much though? don't want you to spend too much money. i should be the one doing most of the shelling out. i'm not sure when exactly but there's this money coming in and i'm waiting for that so i don't want you having to do this."
first i cried a lot, then pitied myself and then:
i went B E R S E R K
imagine there's a broken bridge separating us and i FIXED it but you're like: "how much did that cost though? blah blah blah excuses i wanna virtue signal."
you know why he virtue signals so hard?
coz i told him about about this one time i dated this pisces sun/libra moon guy. but you know what? even if that was a scam, at least it was a FAIR scam where he actually spent time with me. i was just asking for ONE DAY how hard is that? i was super chill the whole couple months and i'm just asking for this day. i feel like i'm the only one really making an effort to save our relationship, while he's mostly all talk while i actually put my money where my mouth is. we have at various times these couple months sent money to each other back and forth (i can't explain, maybe coz we're both earth signs?). but why does money first came to mind than seeing me? i'm so hurt.
so i went crazy BUT to fix that whole 'waiting for money to come in,' i decided to send him money to his account so he'll have no excuse but noooo virtue signal demands that he can keep his honor only if he pays for everything. it's sooo stupid, old fashioned, IMPRACTICAL. will this man die if i buy him lunch? why can't i just get a normal guy who doesn't scam me but is also not a jane austen overkill? now i've lost my appetite even more.
it feels like r/deadbedroom and i'm only 26 😭😭
I like you.
Seriously you realised you are at fault and understand wgy, so you want to do something big to make up for it on your end. Kiddos to you.
Fuck it seriously copy past everything you just said to him and let it simmer. See If that knocks done sense it to him. Because this sounds like a copout or mostly a pride issue for him.
Also sounds like your in the middle of a depression spell. You just did something to pull yourself out of it. Don't get discouraged because it didn't work out and fall back into that trap. Because yes real depression does in fact trap you...
He didn't reject you. You just need to agree when and where to meet. Try not to go berserk (aka throw a tantrum) each time he wants something different from you. Where you meet, is almost irrelevant.
Just agree with a date, and you'll feel better!
Paragraphs. Dudes don't like paragraph expectations. That's about what i gathered lol.
Chill dude.
Paragraphs. Dudes don't like paragraph expectations. That's about what i gathered lol.
Chill dude.
people say to be more communicative but now... don't? it's sensible to have expectations within relationships. are you copypasting advice from hypocrites instead of thinking on your own? it's reasonable anywhere really be it a job or any other situation. he had expectations of how 'engaging' i should be in texting, why can't i have any?
Paragraphs. Dudes don't like paragraph expectations. That's about what i gathered lol.
Chill dude.
people say to be more communicative but now... don't? it's sensible to have expectations within relationships. are you copypasting advice from hypocrites instead of thinking on your own? it's reasonable anywhere really be it a job or any other situation. he had expectations of how 'engaging' i should be in texting, why can't i have any?
click to expand
This relationship you are having is not equal. Put your glasses on.
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for a couple months now due to travel restrictions, i'm not able to see this cap sun/pisces moon. there's a steady line of communication but i admit that i spent more time playing DbD than i have doing relationship maintenance activities. so i've been accused of being cold/distant, that i treat him like we're just friends texting each other instead of him being my boyfriend. i mean he's right and i've told him that i've been feeling so disengaged lately and that i just wanna drink. i've been gaming, drinking and just overall trying my best not 'to be here' and forget this situation but he doesn't understand that it's coz i really miss him and having no concrete plans of seeing him is just making me depressed. and keeping contact for too long at a time makes me even sadder about the whole thing. am i making sense? our relationship was built on making plans but lookie where we are. and what else is there to talk about? my online sales? how i feel powerless coz i can't do anything to fix this?
but then enforcement became less tight so i can finally move around a bit. and i got offered this new finance job so now we have like a week left before that takes over my life and we get to see each other again the end of july. but i'm not even asking for a week, just for ONE DAY. so i decided to go all out and book something fancy. haven't see him in months and won't see him again for another so why not, right? i thought i've set everything just right. called him, told him about it and that new job too. of course he's happy but main thing he said: "how much though? don't want you to spend too much money. i should be the one doing most of the shelling out. i'm not sure when exactly but there's this money coming in and i'm waiting for that so i don't want you having to do this."
first i cried a lot, then pitied myself and then:
i went B E R S E R K
imagine there's a broken bridge separating us and i FIXED it but you're like: "how much did that cost though? blah blah blah excuses i wanna virtue signal."
you know why he virtue signals so hard?
coz i told him about about this one time i dated this pisces sun/libra moon guy. but you know what? even if that was a scam, at least it was a FAIR scam where he actually spent time with me. i was just asking for ONE DAY how hard is that? i was super chill the whole couple months and i'm just asking for this day. i feel like i'm the only one really making an effort to save our relationship, while he's mostly all talk while i actually put my money where my mouth is. we have at various times these couple months sent money to each other back and forth (i can't explain, maybe coz we're both earth signs?). but why does money first came to mind than seeing me? i'm so hurt.
so i went crazy BUT to fix that whole 'waiting for money to come in,' i decided to send him money to his account so he'll have no excuse but noooo virtue signal demands that he can keep his honor only if he pays for everything. it's sooo stupid, old fashioned, IMPRACTICAL. will this man die if i buy him lunch? why can't i just get a normal guy who doesn't scam me but is also not a jane austen overkill? now i've lost my appetite even more.
it feels like r/deadbedroom and i'm only 26 😭😭