What does it mean? (Page 2)

Posted by xy_sigh

In other words, she thought you were going to say something else.

Posted by Phangus

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Phangus

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Posted by Phangus

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Posted by Phangus

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Posted by Adreamuponwaking

any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.

which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.

I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.

Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there

I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.

I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.

You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?

I'm sexually frustrated.

I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.

people say it's awesome.

as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.

also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.

with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.

with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i.

Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.

maybe.

but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.

she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.

the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.

but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.

I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.

Lol no .

I understand the differences .

People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .

Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!

( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).

Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .

If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.

I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.

As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol

I’m not going to lie .

I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....

All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .

Just purely listening and observing .

I don't know. I avoid people I don't like, and would be very upset to find that someone I thought was a friend secretly didn't like me. I'd feel tricked, to be quite honest, especially if that person was trying to get sexually intimate with me.

I don't dislike her. The narcissistic thing makes me feel like I'm in control and is comforting. I knew what to expect from her. Needless to say my family dynamics are pretty messed up. Manipulation and control ( of me) are what I know....and manipulating manipulators is also what I know. Vulnerable narcissist play weak or rather emphasize their weakness to test people. People reveal more to you when they don't see you as a threat..and the more you know about people..the more control you have over the interaction with them. You can't necessarily control them but you can control what you do around them and avoid certain outcomes. They won't ever really be able to hurt you this way.

I know it's not healthy.

If you know that it is unhealthy, why do you continue to do it and expect a good outcome?

lol I didn't say she owed me anything..did I?

Also this is something I recently learned about myself. I'm literally talking last month (December).

I already brought it up with my therapist. It something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.

This is a mechanism that has developed over 31 years via having an unstable living environment and developing insecure attachment. I'm anxious avoidant...I've at least known that for the past decade and have been working on it.

The narcissism thing again is new.

You didn't exactly. But it seems like you felt you were led on, and you seem to question the motives of all of her actions rather than take any of them face value, while simultaneously not revealing anything about yourself. Is it possible you're projecting?

Two things

numero uno -

I don't think I am comfortable with the phrase "led on" because I associate it with being salty or upset ... as people usually are when they feel like they were led on.



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Also Phangus quick question- when divulging intimate things about yourself to your friends when you were In college ...I'm assuming you did that after you had known them for awhile right and they were truly your friends?

This gemini did it the first time we hung out. For me that was a red flag...and my therapist agrees. It was an attempt to manipulate me ..to make me feel closer to her.

Which worked as I did form an attachment to her...but because I liked that she was trying to manipulate me/wanted me to like her....as it felt familiar. It's how I was raised. Also huge ego boost. when a narcissist identifies another ( accomplished) narcissist who is trying to pursue them....... it's like an ultimate jackpot kind of pay off/feed for the narcissistic supply

Yeah, I read saltiness. I suppose I read that into it since you don't feel that way.

I think sexual sadism is on another axis/plane/whatever than narcissism, isn't it? It's difficult for me to understand as well, but I understand them as not necessarily related. Verbatim parroting is weird. I'm not sure I've seen that behavior.

yeah I think it could be but I actually wondered if her equating inflicting pain with pleasure came from being assaulted in HS. One of her primary experiences being intimate was being assaulted . I do know it's definitely why she started getting piercings. It helps her to dissociate ( from the site of her trauma) . She has a relatively thick skin-ego as most narcissists do according to the work of Didier .



Also I just realized that the controlling of pain in it's various forms ( the pain she gets from her depriving herself from not eating, or when she gets pierced or the pain she gives to others ) also is maybe a part of a coping strategy born from the trauma she's suffered growing up in an unstable environment as well as the assault she experienced. Whenever she is stressed she resorts to one of these..as it gives her a sense of control since she is literally controlling the time and parameters included the magnitude and type of pain experienced.

What good does it do you to diagnose her?

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Posted by the_verdictofkiki

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by the_verdictofkiki

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by the_verdictofkiki

I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?

Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...



Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.

True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.

People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.

Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.

As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.

And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).

As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.

my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.

she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.

I'm sorry you were put through that by your mother... but you are not her...nor have to be like her... its ultimately your choice.

I could never be like my mother. I do know for a fact I possess more empathy than she does.

I also fluctuate between narcissistic traits and echoistic traits...which makes sense given my upbringing.

My narcissism I would say has manifested the most in shitty jobs that I have had mostly also in group work.

In the past I would not understand/realize other people's needs and be concerned about my own\which I convinced myself is the same as my own.

For example ( e.g- working on an assignment for my past internship I thought was BS because there are ethical issues with the research we were doing). I took time/kept engaging my "team members" getting to know everyone else...especially their views about what we were doing not understanding that their views and knowledge base even were distinct from my own.

In the following meeting...it was obvious that I was seen as being disruptive.That project fell apart btw because it was BS.

In most of my interpersonal relationships I'd say the narcissism takes a different form. I more of a vulnerable narcissist / echoist. I suppress my needs and fear being a burden which in turn makes me feel like I'm deserving of love because I "care so much about my loved ones/am considering their needs that I am willing to sacrifice my own".

im not exactly sure i would call that being a narcissist... did you say you go to counseling? did they diagnose you with that?

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Posted by the_verdictofkiki

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by the_verdictofkiki

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by the_verdictofkiki

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by the_verdictofkiki

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by the_verdictofkiki

I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?

Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...



Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.

True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.

People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.

Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.

As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.

And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).

As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.

my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.

she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.

Narcissism is a psychological condition... so no I don't think a baby or babies are a perfect example for this... at least what I'm talking about:

*Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.*

There could be other possible conditions that could be causing her behavior not just being a narcissist... because this is very specific type of behavior... does she need constant validation from you? And if she doesn't get it does she go get her narcissist supply elsewhere?.. because that is how a real narcissist behaves... they need their validation drug supply and will go to crazy extents to get it.



.

Again you are conflating narcissism with NPD. Narcissism itself is not a disorder.

Not everyone has NPD but everyone does have narcissistic tendencies at one point or another .

"Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.

However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological."

and to answer your question YES she does. she constantly fishes for compliments and or attention.

the minute I turned her down for a hangout...because I was nyc...then she started to act really moody/flaky around me

even when I told her about my attraction...she was probing for my info....mainly to stroke her ego.

Well I'm only familiar with the psychological disorder... so if you think that's what she has and you think you have that too then that is that. But I don't think that is the correct way to be classifying this particular situation... but to each their own. You blowing her off and her not reciprocating just sounds like just that... simple rejection.

\

one final thing...did you even read about all of the things I mentioned as to why I thought she was one.

like all of the atypical behavior ( boasting about control, / how sex is for mind control , likes inflecting pain on others , the mirroring. , the self aggrandizement , and the attention seeking)?

im not disagreeing with you... shoot i dont even know you or the girl that you're talking about... my only point was that not everyone is a narcissists.... and maybe im having a hard time seeing it because I am not one... self centered... smarty pants.. totally but i don t need a person to validate me... i know* im coooooooooooooooooooooooooo

never said you were

i know im just saying i cant see it like you do bc i aint one... and neither are the billions of* ppl around the entire world bahahahahahahahahaah

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