Is this Aquarius guy done with me?

The background. Known this guy for around 13 years. He’s 6 years younger than me and apparently had a crush on me when he was a teen. I’d only ever considered him a friend until a few months back when he started coming round. Was just watching tv and having some food but we were messaging constantly and messages were getting flirty and was asked to consider if I could see him as more than a friend. Another evening and we had a bit of a kiss and cuddle, another evening and we had sex. Still messaging every day. He was due to come over again but cancelled the day before as he offered to have his child an extra night (he has 50/50 custody) he had already warned me that he might possibly have to have his child that night but I still went nuts at him for cancelling. I kicked off a big fuss and from there the messages got less and less. No alternative evening was arranged and I could just feel him pulling away. I also stupidly asked him if he minded if I went on a date and he said no, I kicked off at that as well, saying that we aren’t on the same page if he didn’t mind that I went on a date with another guy. I said I wasn’t going on one but wanted to see his reaction. He said that he’s not one to get jealous or stop me doing something I want to do and that I shouldn’t have lied to him.

Things got worse and worse with him pulling further away, I got worse and was demanding that he come and see me which he did but he said he was only coming to stop me from doing his head in and said after he’s been he’s done and that’s it.

Tried messaging him a few times and sometimes he would answer, most times he would read and not reply.

That went on for about 5 weeks with me messaging him every couple of days and just being ignored. Then I left him for a good 2 weeks and then messaged him again and he replied and for a few days we were messaging like we used to. He knows how I feel about him he ended up staying over last week and we slept together. We were messaging okay for a week after but then he started ignoring me again until I asked him directly what was going on. He said he didn’t regret what happened but maybe it shouldn’t have happened. I asked him what I could do to be seen as girlfriend material and he just said I need to be more chilled but I think that was general advice and not what to do for him to see me as girlfriend material. I know if I was to message him he’s probably reply as I sent him something funny the other day and he replied but it’s been 3 days and I’ve not heard from him.

Is he done now, will he come back? He did say to me that the thing that put him off was me being nasty that time and the drama around it and he wouldn’t want to risk it happening again.

Plain and simple, stop playing games, stop disrespecting his relationship with child and stop being thirsty.

You’re 6 yrs older. Smh @ that Gemini immaturity.

He doesn't mind you seeing other men. That right there says alot on where he's at with wanting a monogamous relationship with you.

Don't fuck him again is my advice.

It’s only since I’ve been reading about Aquarius traits that I realised just how much they need space and don’t like high drama situations. He said before when we were still just in the friendly stage that he struggles to show his emotions, I’ve pretty much put him in situations where he’s been forced to say what’s on his mind.

I sound terrible kicking off cos he cancelled our plans to have his kid, I just assumed the worst and that he was lying.

He’s had a really bad time with his ex too with her kicking his door down and damaging his car so he’s extra heightened to people that could possess crazy tendencies.

I know I’ve acted really badly but I’m also not a fool and will learn from my mistakes. I wouldn’t react like I have previously if I was given the chance. It’s just I think I’ve done too much, he even said the thing that puts him off about me is me being nasty and he doesn’t want to risk it happening again. I suppose all I can do is give him his space and not message him at all.

I think if I’d been offered an alternative day I wouldn’t have reacted so badly. Like if he said I can’t come so and so day but we’ll reschedule for this day, I wouldn’t have minded that.

Like if I feel secure then someone can have all the space they need if I know they’re gonna come back.

I’ve got issues with rejection.

The main thing with my Aqua moon was the fact that me and his son were good from first time we’ve met. He keeps saying how happy he is that all played well and I am so good to his son.

What ta hell were you thinking when you threw tantrum about father and child specially after he warned you prior to cancelling the date that it might happen?

Honestly him not minding meeting other men is a result of him pulling away after your idiotic behavior. He had decided right THEN that you are done and over with! He nibbled a bit on you after probably mechanically...knowing that it’s goodbye fuck.

I am positive he isn’t going to forget that.

You showed your worse and now it’s time for you to forget and move on.

My Aqua boss just stopped communications with his brother because he said shit about Aquas sins and they are over 40! So...live and learn.

Posted by GeminiCusp

I think if I’d been offered an alternative day I wouldn’t have reacted so badly. Like if he said I can’t come so and so day but we’ll reschedule for this day, I wouldn’t have minded that.

Like if I feel secure then someone can have all the space they need if I know they’re gonna come back.

I’ve got issues with rejection.

Be had realized you are not smart woman and he don’t need another woman whom he has to watch out...he has his ex!

I am still shocked about your reaction to his kid involvement...🤦‍♀️

Shit. I have apologised many times about my behaviour and when he was here last it seemed like all had been forgiven. I can’t just contact him to apologise some more but maybe if I’m in a situation where I’m with him face to face I can give him a more specific apology and explain that it wasn’t the fact he was having an extra night, it was more my own insecurities thinking it was an excuse not to see me.

I’ve shown my hand now anyway, he knows I like him and have feelings for him. If I’m to show that I’m chilled I just have to leave him alone.

Posted by BathHouseCulture

Never ever ever attempt that jealous step mum bs on an Aqua.

They will bury you.

And he had done it!

Apologizing for what? Showing true colors?

Laughable and fake. Or plain stupid. Man is smarter than this. Rare jewel who chosen child over pussy! 💪👍

I think you’re concentrating on the child thing a little too much. I genuinely thought it was a brush off because no alternative date was given. I’m a mother myself and if a childcare issue came up I’d say I can’t do tonight but let’s reschedule for another night.

He seemed okay after that anyway it was when I lied about going on a date and everything else that followed that seemed to put the nail in the coffin.

But what do I know, maybe he was still pissed about the child thing and that’s what closed him down.

He knows I know that our children are our first priorities it’s just my child is a lot older than his and goes to her father at the same time every week so I can make more solid plans around the time I’m child free. He works shifts so his time changes and like the good person he is any extra time he has free he wants to spend it with his child. Yeah, fuck I was pretty selfish there, I just thought he’d already had his kid for 3 consecutive nights and 4 days, even writing that makes me feel selfish.

I don’t want to manipulate or convince anything, that’s not what I’m used to. I’m used to guys lying to me and using me for sex so I automatically think the next guy will be the same. Each time I get hurt I’m carrying all the previous hurt from previous guys to the point where I just want someone to reassure me that they like me and will stick around. When I don’t get that I try and push them for some reassurance instead of just being chilled and letting things progress organically.

I agree I’ve raised huge red flags which can’t be ignored but I have no malice in me, I just want to make someone happy. I will and have learned not to react the way I did again. I’d superglue oven mits to my hands to stop me going on a text assassination again.

Also the baby mama wasn’t a long term gf, they weren’t together when the baby was born and there was drama around her telling him the baby wasn’t his and things like this. He’s had another ex since her.

I’m just gonna have to move on from him and try and forget about him. He’s so bloody handsome though!

"He was due to come over again but cancelled the day before as he offered to have his child an extra night"

That is great to read....he is being a good dad

Find another man who is free to give you more attention and leave this guy to concentrate on what's far more important than having a girlfriend ....his child ❤️

So it’s too late with this guy. No amount of damage control can undo my previous behaviour?

It’s just scary, I rarely find people I like and when I do it’s like is this one gonna lose interest as well and that’s when my crazy behaviour comes out which is stupid cos if I didn’t react like I do I wouldn’t put them off in the first place.

It’s hard not reacting but I don’t want to let another guy slip through my fingers.

I wish I could wipe everything clear from my hard drive. It’s like someone says something to me and I automatically run through every scenario in my head instead of just accepting their reason, I always think don’t like me which makes me seek reassurance and come off as clingy.

I guess your only hope is to let it be for now.

You sound really insecure. So if I was you I would concentrate on myself and work on it, trying to find out why his behavior made you loose it.

In the new year, you could contact him and come clean, without putting any pressure on him. Just letting him know that he triggered your insecurities and that you are working on them and apologize for your behavior.

He sounds like a good guy 😊

Posted by Phangus

Posted by GeminiCusp

So it’s too late with this guy. No amount of damage control can undo my previous behaviour?

It’s just scary, I rarely find people I like and when I do it’s like is this one gonna lose interest as well and that’s when my crazy behaviour comes out which is stupid cos if I didn’t react like I do I wouldn’t put them off in the first place.

It’s hard not reacting but I don’t want to let another guy slip through my fingers.

I wish I could wipe everything clear from my hard drive. It’s like someone says something to me and I automatically run through every scenario in my head instead of just accepting their reason, I always think don’t like me which makes me seek reassurance and come off as clingy.

The thing about damage control is you can never undo previous behavior. Everything you've said and done has been said and done. That's why I suggested that you may not be compatible with someone who has a close hold on their emotions. They won't understand you having outbursts, because they don't have them. Work on your insecurities, but look for someone more understanding of this type of flaw.

click to expand

Actually Aquarius are very tolerant and helpful with emotional people. They will just stay grounded and not run with it. Something that is extremely helpful sometimes.

Posted by Phangus

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by Phangus

Posted by GeminiCusp

So it’s too late with this guy. No amount of damage control can undo my previous behaviour?

It’s just scary, I rarely find people I like and when I do it’s like is this one gonna lose interest as well and that’s when my crazy behaviour comes out which is stupid cos if I didn’t react like I do I wouldn’t put them off in the first place.

It’s hard not reacting but I don’t want to let another guy slip through my fingers.

I wish I could wipe everything clear from my hard drive. It’s like someone says something to me and I automatically run through every scenario in my head instead of just accepting their reason, I always think don’t like me which makes me seek reassurance and come off as clingy.

The thing about damage control is you can never undo previous behavior. Everything you've said and done has been said and done. That's why I suggested that you may not be compatible with someone who has a close hold on their emotions. They won't understand you having outbursts, because they don't have them. Work on your insecurities, but look for someone more understanding of this type of flaw.

Actually Aquarius are very tolerant and helpful with emotional people. They will just stay grounded and not run with it. Something that is extremely helpful sometimes.

That's good to know. My first boyfriend was an Aquarius, but I don't really count that experience for much because we were so young. In my experience, Scorpio moons are the only shy folks who are consistently understanding about it.

click to expand

He actually has Scorpio moon and Venus in Pisces if that makes any difference to my situation.

Like he’s messaged me today but it’s just general light hearted conversation. He’s not asking to see me or anything like that.

Yeah like he said before when we were still just in the friendly stage and he was talking about how he struggles with his emotions. I said I’m the complete opposite, said I’m blunt and always say what I’m thinking. I also said I can’t imagine not being able to express what I’m feeling and he said he can’t believe or understand how people can be so open! It’s like he’s introvert and I’m extravert.

I’m tempted to say something stupid like if he finds he wants to chill and hang out then he can come here but that’s making myself look like I’m allowing him to use me for a fuck isn’t it? I should know better than thinking you can turn a guy from fuckbuddy to significant other.

Past behavior is a good way of seeing what a person will do in the future. And you done fucked up, and fucked up bad.

Regardless of your own excuses and triggers believing that he was lying about having his child, thus making you react in an insecure way. He perceives it as you demanding to be priority over his child. He had already verbalized to you before, of the potential that he would have extended time with his child, previous to cancelling. So he had already given you warning that a scenario could happen. But you and your triggers, just decided to go ape shit nuts, and react. It is not on him to deal with your triggers. if you have them. As he is not your partner yet. And why would anyone want to reschedule with you, if you just go off on them in a nutty way, over what they perceive as spending time with their child? Hell the fuck no, would I want to actively schedule anything again, with someone I thought was. So HUGE mistake number 1.

Then instead of expressing to him, why you reacted the way you did, and clarified that it stemmed from your insecurities and not his child. You further dig a bigger hole by playing more mind games and seeing if he would get jealous over a pseudo date with a non-existent man.

Nope. Wouldn't even consider you ever again. Maybe for a good fuck every now and then, but that's about it. And I may give you another chance after all that, but if I saw weird clinginess, I would be for sure out.

You show weird clinginess. You show red flags of crazy I wouldn't want near me.

We weren’t anything other than normal friends to start. Like I’ve known him 13 years or so used to give him lifts when he was 17 before he passed his driving test. Over the years I would see him now and again, usually when he had girl trouble and would come to me for advice. I’ve asked him for lifts places over the years and he was just generally someone I could call on if I needed a favour.

It’s only the last few months that I’d seen him with different eyes. He’s no longer the annoying young shit he’s a 29 year old man that’s beautiful with a good job and is a father and has his head screwed on. I started seeing him differently. He said about when he was younger and I was an older girl that was out of his league and probably still is but that was at the beginning before I showed my crazy hand.

I think that he assumed as I was older I’d have my shit together and wouldn’t give him hassle like younger girls he’s dated. But then I went and messed up and messed up badly.

It’s not his fault I’ve been hurt many times in the past and I can’t let my insecurities from all the crappy behaviour I’ve experienced from other guys determine how I act with him.

I’m gutted now that he thinks I wanted him to prioritise me over his kid. The fact that he’s such a good father was what made me have feelings for him in the first place. He also knows my child from over the years and has met her many times when we were just friends and he would always bring chocolates or food for her when he was coming to watch tv and have food with me.

I don’t know how I could fit into his life because he has his daughter a lot and she’s only young, too young I feel for me to be introduced to her. It’s different for me as my child had already seen him around many times over the years and knows that he’s Mummy’s friend.

I love advice by the way so thanks all for contributing, I love hearing every possible point of view and I’ll always be honest in order to get the best advice.

Posted by Aquarelle

When you talk to him, do you talk about yourself all the time, just like you do here in your messages?

Well the problem is kind of with myself, I want advice based on my situation so it wouldn’t make sense for me to be discussing the woman who lives down the road would it?

Posted by GeminiCusp

I’m tempted to say something stupid like if he finds he wants to chill and hang out then he can come here but that’s making myself look like I’m allowing him to use me for a fuck isn’t it? I should know better than thinking you can turn a guy from fuckbuddy to significant other.

Its very possible to have a casual relationship that goes from netflix and chill to full on relationship. But thats not your scenerio.

He's known you for 13 years. Thats a long a $ $ time. He knows enough to know if he sees relationship long term potential with you... and from his hesitation to commit to anything more than a casual fuck the answer is no.

Stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't have the same end goal as you.

No amount of 'space' is gonna change that.

I’m on the cusp with cancer and also cancer moon so that’s the clingy crabby side of me.