need help with aqua man!! (Page 2)

Like i said they have no choice. 1st coz its kind of normal in their family and 2nd coz of his temper and that he is the earner of the family. I am angry and sorry for myself too.

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by pisceswoman123

You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.

I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.

Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.

I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.

True.

But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.

The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.

So i should just let it be and not push him to resolve things?

You can tell him what you want and don’t want. What hurts you and what makes you happy about the things he does and then let it be.

You can not make him change.

If he loves you and he doesn’t feel like you are trying to control him he will change by himself because he won’t want to hurt you.

That is probably the best piece of advice ive heard since all this happened. The only problem is, he is not so much of a "lets talk it out" kinda guy. He likes things on his own terms. So if he doesnt wana talk its like talking to a wall. Nothing goes in and nothing comes out. Should i wait till he wants to talk to me and then say as u advice? Or should i make the 1st move? I did try to talk to him like 3 days ago and it was just a mess and he just kept hurting me with hus words coz he wasnt intereted. So...wait or try again?

click to expand

Thank you.

Right now because of everything he is on the defensive. He won’t want to talk. And if you force him to do it you will just argue.

Wait. Always wait. Don’t push an Aquarius.

He knows very well what you want to talk about. He has to realize by himself that he should talk to you and find a happy medium, but you cannot push him because it will always backfire specially now that things are so bad.

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by pisceswoman123

You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.

I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.

Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.

I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.

True.

But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.

The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.

So i should just let it be and not push him to resolve things?

You can tell him what you want and don’t want. What hurts you and what makes you happy about the things he does and then let it be.

You can not make him change.

If he loves you and he doesn’t feel like you are trying to control him he will change by himself because he won’t want to hurt you.

That is probably the best piece of advice ive heard since all this happened. The only problem is, he is not so much of a "lets talk it out" kinda guy. He likes things on his own terms. So if he doesnt wana talk its like talking to a wall. Nothing goes in and nothing comes out. Should i wait till he wants to talk to me and then say as u advice? Or should i make the 1st move? I did try to talk to him like 3 days ago and it was just a mess and he just kept hurting me with hus words coz he wasnt intereted. So...wait or try again?

Thank you.

Right now because of everything he is on the defensive. He won’t want to talk. And if you force him to do it you will just argue.

Wait. Always wait. Don’t push an Aquarius.

He knows very well what you want to talk about. He has to realize by himself that he should talk to you and find a happy medium, but you cannot push him because it will always backfire specially now that things are so bad.

click to expand

Thank you so much. As much as it hurts. Ill wait it out.

Posted by bricklemark

It's not a very long story, you just made it long because you're immature and stupid.

Lol. Slow it down

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Hey all. Um.. so ..i remebered a few days ago that i posted up in here asking for advise to understand my then fiance now husband( let the eyerolls begin) better. A little update would be i have a 3 yr old son with him and ...the one thing that is distroying my marrige now is that he had an affair with his close family member til my son was 6 months old..and..ofc i cant get over that till now. So..im in such a rut that i wana leave him but i cant bare my son having to deal with the drama of it all. Question for other aqua men out there....does a love affair die out? Or one sight of her and all those feelings are back? Also..can they be faithfull again? Ive become a jealous, suspicious wife now with a bad temper and anixity...he has clearly told me to my face and our parents that he doesnt want me coz of me being suspicious and all that. They tell me its just his anger talking and that i need to give him time to cool down. I dont know if he means it or not. Pls help me understand and deal with this issue...

No it won't die out, one sight of her can surely melt him again. But yes they can be faithful to you. They will never reveal that, sight of her has made their heart and mind move again. They will control themselves and store everything inside them. Yes you can probably trust him bc he will never do anything that will harm you or your feelings.

That is exactly what happened..i noticed something was off ...he was more interested in her than usual but he never seemed like that for a long time. So..he was impacted by her but didnt show me. Thats why i thought he was over her. And then it started comming up? Or was i just paranoid?

It would be better if you share other placements too.

It didn't suddenly started coming up, it was always there.

But this is all for me, he is much older and very much matured, he probably should not be having feelings for her. So calm down!!

What details would you require? Im willing to answer. About trying to stay calm, i usually am calm about this situation. Like it said it had been years before i saw anything suspicious and then it all started comming up one after the other. Small things that made it look like they were either in contact or that he still had some feelings for her. And thats when i couldnt be calm anymore.

Other placements as in his and your signs of mercury venus etc....

Im not sure how i can find that out. But i can give you our date of births and my time. So im 30 nov 1987 around 3:45 in the morning and he is 3rd feb 1987 not sure what time.

You cam chek here...adding your birth place details....

So you won't have to tell me here...

https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php<div class="bqfade">click to expand

So my sun is sagittarius

Moon is aries

Mercury is scorpio

Venus is capricorn

Mars is scorpio

For him im not sure about his time of birth but his

Sun is aquarius

Moon is pisces

Mercury is aquarius

venus is sagittarius

Mars is aries

Posted by rayofhope

About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.

No. He will see the example of his mother continuing to keep herself in an abusive relationship and accept the abuse. He will see the example of how his father treats you. And he will emulate this cycle of abuse in his own interpersonal relationships.

How can you think you'll be able to 'teach him to respect and care for the women in his life' when you don't respect or care about your own well being by staying in an abusive relationship.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by rayofhope

About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.

No. He will see the example of his mother continuing to keep herself in an abusive relationship and accept the abuse. He will see the example of how his father treats you. And he will emulate this cycle of abuse in his own interpersonal relationships.

How can you think you'll be able to 'teach him to respect and care for the women in his life' when you don't respect or care about your own well being by staying in an abusive relationship.

click to expand

Dear, i understand your concern and it is not the 1st time ive heard it, as you can see from the other responses. If this was such an easy thing to do trust me i would leave. I have alot of other aspects i need to think about. My parents are old. I cannot just pack up and live with them and be a burden with my son. The country that i live in doesnt favour the women in such cases no matter how bad the spouse is. Like i said before, walking would be the absoulte last option for me. Please try to see the whole picture. No one enjoys to be hurt. No matter how hard it feels to leave. There must be some reason to stay back in an abusive relationship and i have mine.

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by rayofhope

About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.

No. He will see the example of his mother continuing to keep herself in an abusive relationship and accept the abuse. He will see the example of how his father treats you. And he will emulate this cycle of abuse in his own interpersonal relationships.

How can you think you'll be able to 'teach him to respect and care for the women in his life' when you don't respect or care about your own well being by staying in an abusive relationship.

Dear, i understand your concern and it is not the 1st time ive heard it, as you can see from the other responses. If this was such an easy thing to do trust me i would leave. I have alot of other aspects i need to think about. My parents are old. I cannot just pack up and live with them and be a burden with my son. The country that i live in doesnt favour the women in such cases no matter how bad the spouse is. Like i said before, walking would be the absoulte last option for me. Please try to see the whole picture. No one enjoys to be hurt. No matter how hard it feels to leave. There must be some reason to stay back in an abusive relationship and i have mine.

click to expand

I understand your situation is difficult. I never said you should leave.

I was addressing your 'hope' that your son will look past your toxic relationship. That's naive. Children emulate what they are taught and the examples around them.

The only thing i can do is hope. And try my best to raise him the way i want to. If i cant change the examples for a male role model that he will be looking up to then atleast i can teach him how they should be.

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Aquaman2

Posted by rayofhope

Hey all. Um.. so ..i remebered a few days ago that i posted up in here asking for advise to understand my then fiance now husband( let the eyerolls begin) better. A little update would be i have a 3 yr old son with him and ...the one thing that is distroying my marrige now is that he had an affair with his close family member til my son was 6 months old..and..ofc i cant get over that till now. So..im in such a rut that i wana leave him but i cant bare my son having to deal with the drama of it all. Question for other aqua men out there....does a love affair die out? Or one sight of her and all those feelings are back? Also..can they be faithfull again? Ive become a jealous, suspicious wife now with a bad temper and anixity...he has clearly told me to my face and our parents that he doesnt want me coz of me being suspicious and all that. They tell me its just his anger talking and that i need to give him time to cool down. I dont know if he means it or not. Pls help me understand and deal with this issue...

No it won't die out, one sight of her can surely melt him again. But yes they can be faithful to you. They will never reveal that, sight of her has made their heart and mind move again. They will control themselves and store everything inside them. Yes you can probably trust him bc he will never do anything that will harm you or your feelings.

That is exactly what happened..i noticed something was off ...he was more interested in her than usual but he never seemed like that for a long time. So..he was impacted by her but didnt show me. Thats why i thought he was over her. And then it started comming up? Or was i just paranoid?

It would be better if you share other placements too.

It didn't suddenly started coming up, it was always there.

But this is all for me, he is much older and very much matured, he probably should not be having feelings for her. So calm down!!

What details would you require? Im willing to answer. About trying to stay calm, i usually am calm about this situation. Like it said it had been years before i saw anything suspicious and then it all started comming up one after the other. Small things that made it look like they were either in contact or that he still had some feelings for her. And thats when i couldnt be calm anymore.

Other placements as in his and your signs of mercury venus etc....

Im not sure how i can find that out. But i can give you our date of births and my time. So im 30 nov 1987 around 3:45 in the morning and he is 3rd feb 1987 not sure what time.

You cam chek here...adding your birth place details....

So you won't have to tell me here...

https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php

So my sun is sagittarius

Moon is aries

Mercury is scorpio

Venus is capricorn

Mars is scorpio

For him im not sure about his time of birth but his

Sun is aquarius

Moon is pisces

Mercury is aquarius

venus is sagittarius

Mars is aries

click to expand

Hello aquaman, can u please advise based on the information provided above?? Awaiting your response.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by rayofhope

About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.

No. He will see the example of his mother continuing to keep herself in an abusive relationship and accept the abuse. He will see the example of how his father treats you. And he will emulate this cycle of abuse in his own interpersonal relationships.

How can you think you'll be able to 'teach him to respect and care for the women in his life' when you don't respect or care about your own well being by staying in an abusive relationship.

Dear, i understand your concern and it is not the 1st time ive heard it, as you can see from the other responses. If this was such an easy thing to do trust me i would leave. I have alot of other aspects i need to think about. My parents are old. I cannot just pack up and live with them and be a burden with my son. The country that i live in doesnt favour the women in such cases no matter how bad the spouse is. Like i said before, walking would be the absoulte last option for me. Please try to see the whole picture. No one enjoys to be hurt. No matter how hard it feels to leave. There must be some reason to stay back in an abusive relationship and i have mine.

I understand your situation is difficult. I never said you should leave.

I was addressing your 'hope' that your son will look past your toxic relationship. That's naive. Children emulate what they are taught and the examples around them.

click to expand

What are you talking about?

Children are not mindless sponges that can't think and comprehend complex ideas.

They are very capable of recognizing unusual behaviours.

What helps them understand and learn is support and communication about what is happening around them.

The world is always going to be filled with things that aren't right. Shitty people and shitty situations.

So you talk to your children about it, let them express their thoughts and opinions.

You parent and help them develop critical thinking skills.

Your flawed assumption hurted my brain.

OP you knew what you were getting into.

You seem stubborn and must hit rock bottom before you do something about it.

I guess you'll figure out what to do when you get there.

My Aqua ex was a gaslighter, you couldn't tell him anything. It was always my fault.

He's a good father and we're friends now but it took many years and me leaving him

Stay at your parents as long as you can.

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by aquasnoz

This might not be a popular opinion. I mean my own thought is leave and do what makes you happy but I suppose that's the easiest thing to say especially for westernised cultures. I thought I'd share this instead. Oh and also I don't think it's an aqua thing, people will generally take what they get, in regards to the affair and seems to be your husband is one of those takers.

My grandmother and my aunt have been in your situations, my grandma more so I feel, had to put up with a lot of things my grandpa got up to and that included sleeping with other women. For comparison sake it was the pacific war generation and my grandpa was one of the generals and certain exudes the man and dominance ideal, in fact, though she never told me I'm certain my grandma was more given to him at least this is what I gathered when she had to console my aunt when she went through the same thing.

Anyway, though I never heard about their honeymoon or lovestory I often hear about how much joy her kids brought her. She's one of the strongest person I know and I adore her, I think it was her perseverance and her love for family that pulled her through. She also had a lot of friends and extended family and she said it really help her through it but one thing she said to me was that she was never not happy just that for her there were no other choice. That conversation was the first time I've seen her cry and even the years before my grandpa passed she still looked after him.

Now my aunt spoke out verbally and gave my uncle an ultimatum and while that worked it still feels like they are just clutching at straws since the problem is that it already happened. They're staying together because of familiarity and nothing else. So I don't know how old you are but I will tell you your son's probably going to be affected one way or another and my personal view is to get out and raise him happy. I just can't dismiss the other option is that you can suck it up and never tell a soul until they've all grown up but that would be entirely up to you.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and stories. I feel like my life with him would most probably be like your aunts. Sucking it up and mot being verbal works for me for sometime till im done keeping it all in and then i blow up and it goes down hill. Your message did give me other options and maybe i need to pick one of the two things. Either i try and bury all my feelings for sake of my family and my son or i leave the thought of us being happy togther and just continue this marrige for the sake of it. With no strings attached for him or for me.

click to expand

I sincerely hope you choose your own happiness. When my mum left my dad it was tough but really we all grow up eventually, not saying it was easy but it's all part of growing up. I know how things will look or will continue to look to certain groups of people but I think for you as a Saggi it would eat you up inside out.

Time dulls everything given enough of it.

Oh God! thank you so much @aquaman, @aquanoz ans @arielle83 for stepping in. The reason i havent come up here and said anything till now is because i got tired of explaning why i cant just walk out! Im just here asking for help on how to deal with him based on his sign. I am not asking for relationship/marrige advice! I can go to other websites legal authoriites if thats what i wanted. No one in their sane mind loves to be toutured! I am well aware of my situation. What i have mentioned here is just 30% of my 13 year relationship here. And the only reason i got into details was to give you all a better picture to understand him and my situation. I just want to know how to make my life a bit easier with him around.

I cannot thank Aquaman enough for helping me from the start. GOD BLESS YOU!

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by rayofhope

Dear all, i was hoping to get some advice in terms of his sign and how to deal with the situation keeping his star sign in mind. I dont want to leave him for the sake of my son. I know its easier to walk out and be independent and look after my son. Being an educated women its easy for me to earn a living. But i am not wanting my son to come from a broken home. In my personal experience ( from my family members) the child is the one who suffers no matter how good you treat them. Hence, divorce would be my absoulte last option. If i am scared for my life, or my sons, i would leave. But so far its just alot of mental abuse. Nothing physical.

I would really appericiate of someone could give me some insight on how to deal with him and the situation knowing that he is an aquarian.

I also do want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been so nice to advice me and reply back. It means alot.

Dear one,

Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. It eats away at your self esteem and emotions. This can and will take a toll on your health eventually. Its effects damaging your body without you even realizing. You can do better than this. I tell you there is nothing more freeing than the ability to just be yourself without someone constantly insinuating you aren't enough. Your son will respect you fighting for yourself. Being in an unhealthy marriage is just as damaging as the after effects of a nasty divorce. I think deep down you know what would be best. Just don't wait too long. All the best....

Thank you so much for the well wishes and advice. I do know that it would be better if i left. But there is just so much attached to it. Where i come from, it is highly disliked in my culture and religion to get a divorce. Ofcourse it is not like it doesnt happen..but its really difficult and there is alot of suffering attached to it. I dont know if i want to go through all that with my baby boy. Deep down, yes i know i should leave. Its not good for my health and im already in pain mentally, but i fear it will just get worse if i left. Somewhere i hope that things will settle down and he will come around. Im currently not with living with him (im at my parents for a couple of days) hoping it will give him time to think and miss us. Thats the best i can do as of now

I understand it's all about keeping face and your "reputation" is at stake. So I'm going to assume in this Middle Eastern country you chose to sneak around and date for 9 years. Did you not care if ppl found out? Wasn't your reputation at stake as well? Correct me if I'm wrong.

click to expand

Tbh im offended by your message. But correct you as you requested. No, i wasnt "sneaking around and dating for 9 years". Half of my family(not extended family as they dont live in the same country) knew about and his entire family( extended as well). And anyways, i think its a bigger deal when people get divorced rather than whoes dating who?. Please do not try and make me look like a fool. I might be one in your eyes but that is far from the truth. It is really not a written rule that a person MUST act upon every single advice they get. I understand very well what i got myself into before the marrige and i do to know as well. You really think that i didnt look up into the consequences of divorce? In my country, i coule very much lose the custody of my son. Do you think i would want to be in that position? Have i not been saying that i want to make it work for the sake of my boy? Somethings are bigger than ones ego and self respect and that for me is my love for my son.

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

I am not sure how to delete posts but i had reposted the previous message by mistake

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by rayofhope

Dear all, i was hoping to get some advice in terms of his sign and how to deal with the situation keeping his star sign in mind. I dont want to leave him for the sake of my son. I know its easier to walk out and be independent and look after my son. Being an educated women its easy for me to earn a living. But i am not wanting my son to come from a broken home. In my personal experience ( from my family members) the child is the one who suffers no matter how good you treat them. Hence, divorce would be my absoulte last option. If i am scared for my life, or my sons, i would leave. But so far its just alot of mental abuse. Nothing physical.

I would really appericiate of someone could give me some insight on how to deal with him and the situation knowing that he is an aquarian.

I also do want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been so nice to advice me and reply back. It means alot.

Dear one,

Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. It eats away at your self esteem and emotions. This can and will take a toll on your health eventually. Its effects damaging your body without you even realizing. You can do better than this. I tell you there is nothing more freeing than the ability to just be yourself without someone constantly insinuating you aren't enough. Your son will respect you fighting for yourself. Being in an unhealthy marriage is just as damaging as the after effects of a nasty divorce. I think deep down you know what would be best. Just don't wait too long. All the best....

Thank you so much for the well wishes and advice. I do know that it would be better if i left. But there is just so much attached to it. Where i come from, it is highly disliked in my culture and religion to get a divorce. Ofcourse it is not like it doesnt happen..but its really difficult and there is alot of suffering attached to it. I dont know if i want to go through all that with my baby boy. Deep down, yes i know i should leave. Its not good for my health and im already in pain mentally, but i fear it will just get worse if i left. Somewhere i hope that things will settle down and he will come around. Im currently not with living with him (im at my parents for a couple of days) hoping it will give him time to think and miss us. Thats the best i can do as of now

I understand it's all about keeping face and your "reputation" is at stake. So I'm going to assume in this Middle Eastern country you chose to sneak around and date for 9 years. Did you not care if ppl found out? Wasn't your reputation at stake as well? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Tbh im offended by your message. But correct you as you requested. No, i wasnt "sneaking around and dating for 9 years". Half of my family(not extended family as they dont live in the same country) knew about and his entire family( extended as well). And anyways, i think its a bigger deal when people get divorced rather than whoes dating who?. Please do not try and make me look like a fool. I might be one in your eyes but that is far from the truth. It is really not a written rule that a person MUST act upon every single advice they get. I understand very well what i got myself into before the marrige and i do to know as well. You really think that i didnt look up into the consequences of divorce? In my country, i coule very much lose the custody of my son. Do you think i would want to be in that position? Have i not been saying that i want to make it work for the sake of my boy? Somethings are bigger than ones ego and self respect and that for me is my love for my son.

I was simply curious about how you were able to date for 9 years in a conservative religious Middle Eastern country. So you're saying both of your families were ok with you dating? You would meet with him alone and go on dates before being engaged? I honestly don't believe you and I also do think you're a fool so do whatever you want and stay miserable. *shrugs*



"Usually in our culture, the parents or elders of both the families step in and try to resolve the problem. If that doesnt help and the couple still dont want to stay togther then it moves on to the religious heads. They will usually advice seperation for a few months. And if still they do not want to be together then it moves on to govermental courts and proceedures which can take years for the final verdict. And during this period, from the start till the end, there are hunderds of mouths talking absolute crap about the couple and families. And not to mention, its a highly "man domintating" society. The women is always at fault and the one to blame. The man walks away with just a few bumps on the way.In my case the elders have talked and hence im at my parents home now. Although my family understands my side of the story and so support me, they would still insist that we work things out. "

click to expand

Lady, why on earth would i lie to a complete stranger? Lol Am i scared of what you might say? Well, havnt you been attacking me already ? Im not worried about what you think of me. I am already going through alot and really do not care about your preception of me. I came up here to ask some people for help on how to deal with my husband who is an aquarian. Thats all. Some people have adviced, some have told me about their personal experience and i have heard them all. But i will not allow a stranger to put me down in such a way where i feel worse than i already am.

Posted by Vicktoria

You also never said anything about possibly losing your son until this very minute.

The kids stay with their mother. Explain why and how you would lose your son. Enlighten us. What country are you from?

Please go through my previous posts. I have always said im worried about my son. Do i really need to go through ALL the details of why? Is that what the subject is? Kids stay with their mother until they reach the age where they can decided for themselves. My son is old enough to miss and want to spend time with his father. And i saw that when i was at my parents home. It was for three days and he was crying before sleep each night saying i want daddy. Do you know my much it hurts to see your child miss his father? I live in a joint family and my husbands family is big. He missed them all. And i dont want him to go through that emotional stress of missing his grandparents uncles and anuts. I do not want to put him in the position where he grows up and waits for the day where he gets to see his father. Please understand that where i live and etc is not the issue here. I do not want these kind of thoughts in my mind. Like i said, im already going through alot. I do not want to think about the "what ifs" if i left my husband. I cannot let these types of negitive thoughts cloud my mind even more. If you were to say i am not a strong person then i will admit, i am not strong enough to see my child being divided coz i was being selfish. Simple as that.

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by rayofhope

Dear all, i was hoping to get some advice in terms of his sign and how to deal with the situation keeping his star sign in mind. I dont want to leave him for the sake of my son. I know its easier to walk out and be independent and look after my son. Being an educated women its easy for me to earn a living. But i am not wanting my son to come from a broken home. In my personal experience ( from my family members) the child is the one who suffers no matter how good you treat them. Hence, divorce would be my absoulte last option. If i am scared for my life, or my sons, i would leave. But so far its just alot of mental abuse. Nothing physical.

I would really appericiate of someone could give me some insight on how to deal with him and the situation knowing that he is an aquarian.

I also do want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been so nice to advice me and reply back. It means alot.

Dear one,

Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. It eats away at your self esteem and emotions. This can and will take a toll on your health eventually. Its effects damaging your body without you even realizing. You can do better than this. I tell you there is nothing more freeing than the ability to just be yourself without someone constantly insinuating you aren't enough. Your son will respect you fighting for yourself. Being in an unhealthy marriage is just as damaging as the after effects of a nasty divorce. I think deep down you know what would be best. Just don't wait too long. All the best....

Thank you so much for the well wishes and advice. I do know that it would be better if i left. But there is just so much attached to it. Where i come from, it is highly disliked in my culture and religion to get a divorce. Ofcourse it is not like it doesnt happen..but its really difficult and there is alot of suffering attached to it. I dont know if i want to go through all that with my baby boy. Deep down, yes i know i should leave. Its not good for my health and im already in pain mentally, but i fear it will just get worse if i left. Somewhere i hope that things will settle down and he will come around. Im currently not with living with him (im at my parents for a couple of days) hoping it will give him time to think and miss us. Thats the best i can do as of now

I understand it's all about keeping face and your "reputation" is at stake. So I'm going to assume in this Middle Eastern country you chose to sneak around and date for 9 years. Did you not care if ppl found out? Wasn't your reputation at stake as well? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Tbh im offended by your message. But correct you as you requested. No, i wasnt "sneaking around and dating for 9 years". Half of my family(not extended family as they dont live in the same country) knew about and his entire family( extended as well). And anyways, i think its a bigger deal when people get divorced rather than whoes dating who?. Please do not try and make me look like a fool. I might be one in your eyes but that is far from the truth. It is really not a written rule that a person MUST act upon every single advice they get. I understand very well what i got myself into before the marrige and i do to know as well. You really think that i didnt look up into the consequences of divorce? In my country, i coule very much lose the custody of my son. Do you think i would want to be in that position? Have i not been saying that i want to make it work for the sake of my boy? Somethings are bigger than ones ego and self respect and that for me is my love for my son.

I was simply curious about how you were able to date for 9 years in a conservative religious Middle Eastern country. So you're saying both of your families were ok with you dating? You would meet with him alone and go on dates before being engaged? I honestly don't believe you and I also do think you're a fool so do whatever you want and stay miserable. *shrugs*



"Usually in our culture, the parents or elders of both the families step in and try to resolve the problem. If that doesnt help and the couple still dont want to stay togther then it moves on to the religious heads. They will usually advice seperation for a few months. And if still they do not want to be together then it moves on to govermental courts and proceedures which can take years for the final verdict. And during this period, from the start till the end, there are hunderds of mouths talking absolute crap about the couple and families. And not to mention, its a highly "man domintating" society. The women is always at fault and the one to blame. The man walks away with just a few bumps on the way.In my case the elders have talked and hence im at my parents home now. Although my family understands my side of the story and so support me, they would still insist that we work things out. "

Lady, why on earth would i lie to a complete stranger? Lol Am i scared of what you might say? Well, havnt you been attacking me already ? Im not worried about what you think of me. I am already going through alot and really do not care about your preception of me. I came up here to ask some people for help on how to deal with my husband who is an aquarian. Thats all. Some people have adviced, some have told me about their personal experience and i have heard them all. But i will not allow a stranger to put me down in such a way where i feel worse than i already am.

I'm simply quoting your statements and responding to you when you quote me. You could lie because you want ppl to feel sorry for you so they can tell you how to appease the Aqua. I know you want solutions and you have every right to do whatever you want. I also wasn't trying to make you feel worse. I just detest weak women who want to stay with abusive, cheating dicks.

click to expand

I used to have the same feeling for women who used to stay in abusive relationships but it turned out that i am in one of them now. Trust me, the last thing i want from posting here is sympathy. I wanted solutions like what aquaman suggested. Simply based on star signs and how the act and react. Thats all.

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Phangus

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Phangus

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Phangus

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Phangus

You're asking for advice on how to stay in an abusive relationship where you will continue to be abused because the abuser has flat told you that you are the problem.

Your children will be impacted by that, by the way. They won't respect women, for one thing, because they've watched their mom not have a spine.

Maybe i am so upset with what ever has happened in the past month or so that i dont feel its important to mention that when things are good between us, they are really good. He is loving, caring and provides for me and my son. But..all that being said, when he gets angry there is no stopping his mouth and words. Once he decides that he wants to fight he does it with all his ego and all his might. Otherwise, he is super caring towards our son and his family as well. He has been stressed out for the past month or so and i will say that venting out on me isnt the best way to deal with but he has been doing that. Because of this and the other lady comming into picture (i have not caught him red handed, just noticed he started getting friendly with her all of a sudden and it bothered me) i lost my temper and so did he. To say that he is ALWAYS abusive is not the right statement. But yes, in an argument or when its about him being at fault, he gets very hot headed and abusive, distant etc.

About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.

I think what you're experiencing is more typical of an abuser than you might realize.

The image you posted....is exactly what is going on. I dont know if i should laugh or cry to be honest lol

I'm really sad that's the case. It's easy for Americans to advise you to leave. I don't know what it's like in your country. Are there people you could talk to and get help? Maybe women's groups or someone in your family?

Thank you for understanding 🙂. Usually in our culture, the parents or elders of both the families step in and try to resolve the problem. If that doesnt help and the couple still dont want to stay togther then it moves on to the religious heads. They will usually advice seperation for a few months. And if still they do not want to be together then it moves on to govermental courts and proceedures which can take years for the final verdict. And during this period, from the start till the end, there are hunderds of mouths talking absolute crap about the couple and families. And not to mention, its a highly "man domintating" society. The women is always at fault and the one to blame. The man walks away with just a few bumps on the way.In my case the elders have talked and hence im at my parents home now. Although my family understands my side of the story and so support me, they would still insist that we work things out. I will go back in a few days. To be honest, i am just really not strong enough to deal with everything that will follow if i decide to leave. Its too much stress for my son as well let alone me. I just wanted to know how can i break his walls so that he understands whats at stake. If not for me, then for our child.

I wish I could speak with more authority on what might be best. I can really only see from my own experience, and I would have probably left long ago.

But you have to do what will be best in the long run for you and your son. What about this affair with a family member thing? Do your families know about that? How is he not taking extreme heat for that?

So ..this lady is extremely close in relation to him. 1st cousins. And they've been togther since childhood. There was an inside joke in the family that they'd marry each other. But..she fell inlove with another guy and married him and during her marrige is when i met my husband and we have been togther since. So 13+ years. Now she is super close to his family like i said. Almost best friends with all his siblings and his mom as well. He isnt getting extreme heat for thier affair as it might mess up the whole family relation. I know that it seems unfair but the maximum i can do is talk to her and tell her to back off since she is married and has 5 kids. This is what i had done 3 yrs ago when i found out about the affair. And things seems to be okay since then but a family event recently changed things. They werent as friendly as i saw them during this time. Which lead me to think that something is going on. I dont know if it helps but the relation he had with her wasnt just causal flirting. They were very much physical. So...him not getting any heat is also coz of his temper and him being the bread earner in the family. Hope this helps.

What did his cousin say when you confronted her? Does her husband know?

Did you catch them yourself being physical? Were they making out or sleeping together?

click to expand

She said she was sorry and she would back off. Her husband doesnt know. Yes i did catch them nyself and they were sleeping together.....

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by notafollower

Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.

As much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly



I just got off the phone with him asking him why he did what he did to me (with regards to yet another recent fight) and again he had all the points to only blame me. How can one make an aquarian understand anothers point of view? As the convo got heated i couldnt keep up and said i want a break from this relationship. He just said if thats what you want then take it but i know you will come crawlinhg back and when you do i want you to come with an appology for your mistake. I am sick of appologizing for things i didnt do. I know that eventually i will have to marry him and this will also die down. But i want him to realise what he does to me and make his move 1st. Is it coz of my ego? How can i make him, being the stubborn aqua he his, see from my point? Or is this impossible to do and i will just have to give up on him one day?

click to expand

I’m an Aquarius & have lots of experience with other aqua men. You have to give him a taste of his own medicine from time to time. Aquas like a chase, give him some time to be in his head because he’s taking you for granted. He’s probably getting a little bored so he’s picking at you and starting fights because he’s either bored, or insecure. Both you can fix lol. He’s playing a head game with you to tear down your self confidence so you never leave. Don’t let him. Give him a few weeks of playing cat & mouse. When he wants to hang out say you’re busy, then hang out w friends. Try a new hobby or go on vacay without him. He’ll wonder where these sudden interest are coming from. He’ll either admit to his wrong doings and actually show actions of him changing, or he’ll be stubborn and keep it moving. And in that case you don’t want him anyways. Hope this helps.

Posted by Vicktoria

Five kids, huh. I sure hope your husband is not the father of any one of them.

Wow so he cheated smh. Now I say move on. It’s going to eat at you until you do. Think of your mental health for your child. Or tell her husband shit I would. He’s picking on you because he’s cheating on you & comparing you to her. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you he probably does. It’s prob just the thrill. But damn. Me just finding out I got cheated on I feel you girl. Best of luck and I pray God helps you thru whatever path you take.

Posted by Vicktoria

@rayofhope, What would happen if you tell her husband?

I have a feeling that the couple are in an agreement that you mind your own buisness and i mind mine. He doesnt seem much involved in the relationship. For all i know he already knows and doesnt really care coz he is living his own life. But the are together for the sake of being together.

Posted by Purpleaqua01

Posted by Vicktoria

Five kids, huh. I sure hope your husband is not the father of any one of them.

Wow so he cheated smh. Now I say move on. It’s going to eat at you until you do. Think of your mental health for your child. Or tell her husband shit I would. He’s picking on you because he’s cheating on you & comparing you to her. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you he probably does. It’s prob just the thrill. But damn. Me just finding out I got cheated on I feel you girl. Best of luck and I pray God helps you thru whatever path you take.

click to expand

I honestly dont know how i survived the initial stages of finding out. Its really not easy. But i made it through.

Posted by Purpleaqua01

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by notafollower

Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.

As much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly



I just got off the phone with him asking him why he did what he did to me (with regards to yet another recent fight) and again he had all the points to only blame me. How can one make an aquarian understand anothers point of view? As the convo got heated i couldnt keep up and said i want a break from this relationship. He just said if thats what you want then take it but i know you will come crawlinhg back and when you do i want you to come with an appology for your mistake. I am sick of appologizing for things i didnt do. I know that eventually i will have to marry him and this will also die down. But i want him to realise what he does to me and make his move 1st. Is it coz of my ego? How can i make him, being the stubborn aqua he his, see from my point? Or is this impossible to do and i will just have to give up on him one day?

I’m an Aquarius & have lots of experience with other aqua men. You have to give him a taste of his own medicine from time to time. Aquas like a chase, give him some time to be in his head because he’s taking you for granted. He’s probably getting a little bored so he’s picking at you and starting fights because he’s either bored, or insecure. Both you can fix lol. He’s playing a head game with you to tear down your self confidence so you never leave. Don’t let him. Give him a few weeks of playing cat & mouse. When he wants to hang out say you’re busy, then hang out w friends. Try a new hobby or go on vacay without him. He’ll wonder where these sudden interest are coming from. He’ll either admit to his wrong doings and actually show actions of him changing, or he’ll be stubborn and keep it moving. And in that case you don’t want him anyways. Hope this helps.

click to expand

This helps a ton! And i agree with you. He is the type where if hes angry he will walk away and if during that time i try to talk to him he just acts so blunt and rude. This time i havnt gone to talk to him for 4 to 5 days and yesterday he was finding ways to talk to me. Asking about his dinner and trying to small talk. I still gave him one liners and didnt show him any interest. I dont want to say im playing the game with him but i honestly just dont feel like talking to him. I was at a point yesterday where i just wanted to tell him to stop trying to talk to me. If i wasnt bothering him the why is he? But i didnt do that coz i didnt want to show him im being affected by what hes doing. I dont know if im doing the right thing or not, but right now i feel better knowing that im in control of when and how i want to talk to him. For now, i dont want to.

Posted by Vicktoria

Five kids, huh. I sure hope your husband is not the father of any one of them.

No he isnt, the affair started long after and her kids are all grown up

Posted by Vicktoria

@rayofhope My apologies if I seemed harsh. Btw, I don't think I expressed what I wanted to say very well about you dating for 9 + years. Just to make things clear, you have every right to date and do whatever you want. I just wanted to know how you were able to get away with dating in a religiously conservative country where a girl's reputation is at stake but you took the risk. You also stated a divorce is not favored and would also ruin one's reputation. Yes, I know dating is easier than a divorce. I understand it's not easy and you have a son to think of so I get it. I just think it's crazy and scary that religious scholars have to decide your fate.

Appology accepted 🙂 its okay. I know i am to blame here but after all is said and done im not left with many options. Im just trying to make it through with the help of some knowledge from others. I know its easy to judge when u dont know the whole story so its alright 🙂 no hard feelings. Yes it is scary but at the end of the day ill get maybe 60 to 70% of the things i want in the final decision. But the rest of the things matter as well. And lets not forget, its SO MUCH harder for a divorced women to get married again rather than the man in our culture. Anyways thank you for understanding.

Posted by Vicktoria

Posted by rayofhope

Posted by Vicktoria

@rayofhope, What would happen if you tell her husband?

I have a feeling that the couple are in an agreement that you mind your own buisness and i mind mine. He doesnt seem much involved in the relationship. For all i know he already knows and doesnt really care coz he is living his own life. But the are together for the sake of being together.

Oh. wow.

click to expand

Hahah i know right