When aqua is in love he'll/she'll...

do what? 😉

typically nothing....you fall in love with an Aqua because of them. what you see is what you get, so why change or act differently?

When I am in love with someone I want to be around them all the time. We don't have to do a lot of talking.. just being. I also, while not talking, am thinking up strange things to do to them... one day. Good things (or bad things depending on how you look at it), but they'll never know it. I am good at keeping my own secrets...

Why, aqua keep secret of thier feelings?

yeah. I can definately agree with what's been said.
I've contemplated changing ME for someone else...oh no no no v.v it just won't happen.
we'll feel worthless..we'll feel like someone's puppet.
what's wrong with the way we are anyway?..X_X
aren't we stimulating, constructive, fun, honest and loyal..I guess a bit unpredictable..but that's what makes it fun!!..being predictable is too ordinary and boring..what's the fun in doing the same thing over and over again....X_X
what happened to the idea of hover boards, spaceships and quantum time machines?
lol what happened to enlightenment, new experiences, and freedom?

oh how aqua of me....

"When I am in love with someone I want to be around them all the time"

-this seems to apply more to aqua females more than males...

"When I am in love with someone I want to be around them all the time"

Yeppers to that one. It will fade back to normal after a bit but the initial falling in love stage I want to be around my love 24/7. Have to stop myself sometimes to avoid overkill.

sweetbabes..."Why, aqua keep secret of thier feelings?"

bc it is hard for us to express ourselves. Especially if we do not think the other party can handle us or comprehend where we are coming from... We know the power of our intelligence, strength and love and most can not handle it's intensity. Until we know we have found one who can, we keep it to ourselves... It is still being used, just internally instead of externally... it's weird but I think most aqua's know what I am speaking of..

"It will fade back to normal after a bit but the initial falling in love stage I want to be around my love 24/7. Have to stop myself sometimes to avoid overkill."

You just put a major smile on my face for the label. I so do that and I have to tell myself all the time 'patience; you don't want him getting the wrong idea' because I can definately go in for overkill with the friendly constant being there unless I keep myself in check.

I can now blame the starsign for the personality quirk that I try and sometimes fail to keep in check.

And yeah aquarianbrat... that makes total sense.

yeah our aquarian faults make the love connection suck..dang.. oh well.

what do we do? try try try again??

when I am really in love...the fear of losing that person becomes heightened to the Nth degree..yeah..exponential degrees @_@

Is it possible for an aqua male to be in love and not know it or accept it? Due to past heartache and years of not letting anyone close to them, is it possible that an aqua could be in love but out of fear let his logical side take over so much that he's convinced himself he doesn't love someone

I think that's what mine's doing. We've been with one another for two and a half years. I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words so i never needed to hear i love you from him, his actions and the look in his eyes made me feel loved and thats all i really needed. He broke up with me, saying that he doesn't love me, said he thought i he stayed long enough (we lived together for 1 1/2 years) that he would love me but doesnt'. he said he loves the person i am, and that he couldn't ask for anything more in a woman that what i've been to him, that he does have deep feelings for me and cares alot about me. this was back in october, he's called me a few times telling me he miss's me, and more recently he offered to come to the house and fix a project he did, even though i never asked him to, he brought it up and offered to come out. so i am just a bit confused, yeah i know join the club. it just amazes me that he would stay and live with me as long as he did without being in love with me, so it occured to me because of his past experience with a woman he was deeply in love with that he may not even know he's in love. this was 10 years ago that he was in love and has never loved since. thanks for the info.

I guess we have to jump on that loveboat of risk then..._>

I guess it's true what they say "Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all"

oh the PAIN...

*cries like a baby*

*_>

lol

"he said he loves the person i am,"

-funluvn...i think you should read virgowithalittlelibra post about "the idea"...b/c this sounds very similar to what he was talking about!

I have moved on, he moved out back in october. But he's still calling, twice in november which seemed to be only to tell me he missed me and to find out if i was with someone else yet, and to let me know that he has not been with anyone else. which those two calls ripped my heart out. Most recently he called me at the beginning of the week (at 4:45 am while i was getting ready for work), again with no specific reason for the call, but we talked for about 20 minutes and he volunteered to come fix the siding on my house this thursday. I said it would be ok, i figure he will come do it when i'm not home. Either way the house needed fixed and if he's willing to i'm not going to tell him no. But as for us getting back together he would have to do alot of convincing and a lot of communicating which involves the word love and i don't think that will happen so it is what it is.

I say that she needs to ask him why. Let him come fix the house. Say thanks. Then say in a far off voice, 'part of me wishes that you didn't offer. If you don't love me, I deserve someone who does and will. Part of me still loves you so part of me wants to believe that you showing up means that you love me. But if you don't, it's best to just go now. I want only the best for both of us.' Or however else she feels needs to be said. It doesn't have to be said in anger. Remember how you talked as a teen in the ideal version of love? Sometimes that innocent chatter is how to approach a guy... it's not a game. It's simply saying without hurt what it is that you want from him.

JMO on the matter but communication is the key.

aquaj wrote
I don't know about others, but I will be super-affectionate and go out of my way to get him whatever he needs.

why would you do this? just curious

lady v wrote
I say that she needs to ask him why. Let him come fix the house. Say thanks. Then say in a far off voice, 'part of me wishes that you didn't offer. If you don't love me, I deserve someone who does and will. Part of me still loves you so part of me wants to believe that you showing up means that you love me. But if you don't, it's best to just go now

he's very introverted and does not communicate well, honestly i told him all of this when he moved out. I told him that if he didn't love me and didnt' want to be with me that he needed to live with the decision he made and respect me by staying away and not contacting me because it hurts too much. i told him we could not be friends because things had changed for us, we started as friends but due to the fact that i am in love with him and he's not with me it creats nothing but pain for me to be around him knowing this, that i wouldn't want to see him with someone else in a relationship where he did love someone other than me and that friendship is just not possibile but he gave it almost a month and called anyway saying that he missed me and thought i needed time.

funlvn,

my aqua girl contact me after a weeks...even after she gave up the relationship and i had told her clearly "we can't be friends right now, maybe one day, but i need time, we can be in touch".

i respected her decision so she had to respect mine...i thought...

she called me weeks after. they are gone for a little while, but never for too long, that is the stories i've heard here over and over.

so, it is in your best interest to either move on from him or not.

like ladyvie said...you need to give him a chance only if you still want that.

i didn't respond to any of my xaqua contact tries for months...but eventually i gave in...and now we are back.

it will be up to you to either move on, and lost all contact for while, or have hopes to rekindle things and in that case fight your pride and try to ask things again, like ladyvie mentioned.

if you dont pick up his calls and messages...and move on with your life.

he may come forward and look for you and tell you how he feels in indirect ways or he may give up eventually...which in either case may be good for you, depending on what is it that you want. it is YOUR choice now.

vll

with him, YOU will have the one that sets the boundaries. aquas can easily become friends with xlovers, unlike other signs, and also can start getting back with xlovers as friends first...so it is natural for him to do either...YOU need to watch out for your heart and set whatever boundaries you need...depending what you want. he is just being his aqua self...you will have to set the parameters.

vll

yes, but VLL...how many times can one take someone back— funluvn has already taken this guy back a couple of times now, and yet the vicious cycle continues...
she is human, not a yo-yo...she cannot keep going back and forth with him, it is not fair to her at all...and it is always at his leisure on top of it, which is typical of an aqua.

fun....i think it is over. he has just not moved on, maybe due to sex. why do you want a guy who after all that time cannot decide if he loves you?

If it's over why is he calling me—? why is he offering to fix things that i haven't even thought about. as far as the sex thing goes we have not had sex in over 3 months since we broke up/ actually a while before. I've decided to not let him come afterall, when i think about it his reason for coming out was lame at best. i haven't cared about the siding on my house it's two pieces that's popped out, why is he thinking about it. I called and left him a message that tomorrow is not such a good day, it's my dads birthday, and it will also be raining. I told him that i think i looked at it and belive i can fix it on my own but thanks for offering to help i really appreciated it.

"guess i would never do that. a guy dumps you after you invest a ton of time and then you have to make the "i still love you" statements....no way in hell would i ever do that. no way. but then, i am a leo..."

Then it's not honest. I respect myself and I respect honesty ALOT. What I really admire about the guy that I'm with is that he doesn't let me hedge around all that much. And he likes that I try to be direct. So I say direct and open communication is the way to go and who the beep cares about the defenses of the heart. The ego heals.

What I read here means that she loves him. Only she decides what she wants. I am not advocating anything but honesty. It's better to say it out loud what she thinks to this guy in a nonconfrontational way IMO. It's not fishing or manipulating as he doesn't have to respond.

The guy can only respect someone who respects herself and is straight honest. I don't know, perhaps everything I say is because of the mood I'm in.

Sometimes admitting what our dreams and hopes are is a good thing instead of living in the dream world. He's coming to fix the house, so that would be a good time.

There is a line that every female walks in a relationship. Honesty in admitting your heart's desire versus self respect. I'd rather be honest and get punched in the gut (metaphysically of course as if anyone hits me, he better kill me because he'll lose everything.) If you can't display your heart, then really can you get what you want?

I don't know the whole story though but either way she's still pining for the guy or she wouldn't be here. Her choice is either to open her heart to him or close off. I know for me that it's far easier to say to yourself "I tried and failed" then close off and regret.

If she's honest with him in what she wants and he says 'no thanks' or 'I don't know what I want' then the dreams about this guy are easier to brush off as he's stupid. BUT if she tells him and he says that he's still dreaming about her too, then he gets a chance to prove that he loves her too. You don't get what you want without honesty. JMO though. And yes being vulnerable goes against the grain of ego, but honestly if you know yourself then self respect can take it without losing confidence.

well as a virgo i would approach this issue with tactic...

logic vs. feelings...

to come to a conclusion, i would ask myself the following questions:

-what has worked better with this guy?
-is my heart ready to take another chance, even if he would want to?
-are my feeling (heart) enough to make this relationship successful?

i think you have ALL the right to chose to see him or not funlvn...

i agree with the aqua ladies, be honest with your heart, but i also agree with moonchild and leokitten...think think and think again...what is that your heart needs right now...were feelings enough last time? if not, how would that change?

because even if he doesn't come fix the house now, he could call a month from now with another bright idea...we don't know his intentions...but you will again have to make a choice.

so right now is not so much the house or making sure he doesn't show up when he wants...it is about you making a decision or not to completely get over him or give him a chance...and then the next question will be "when".

vll

-is my heart ready to take another chance, even if he would want to?
-are my feeling (heart) enough to make this relationship successful?

I think the answer to both questions is no at this point and forever for that matter, i'm very successful in my job, i own my home, and i'm a good mother, what he's dishing out i don't need which is why i left the message i did. He has not called me to confirm he got it and honestly i don't think he will, then again he may just show up anyway either way i've made plans for tonight just so i wont be there just in case he acts like he didnt get the message.

Honesty admitting your heart's desire versus self respect. I think the logical answer is respecting myself but it's very hard when you love someone. I think he and i could have lasted a lifetime had he not had all the insecurities he had and never admited to, i think his childhood and things his ex wife put him through left him forever scared and until he works through those emotions he will do this to every woman he's with. honestly he's a really good guy, very kind very sweet, giving and caring but in between all of the good stuff maybe once or twice a year he's overcome with his thoughts and fears and does the sabotage our relationship thing. I don't want to do this anymore but its so hard for me to shut him out mainly because we were friends to begin with before we had a relationship and i think its hard to let go of the friendship than anything. i know i should but i guess in some ways i feel sorry for him now. He's his own worse enemy, i was the one that broke up with him in a sense, i caught him leaving a bar with another woman in his car, it's a long story but to make it short he says he didnt have sex with her but the possibility that he did is very real to me and that he just lied to me saying he didnt out of fear i would not forgive him and it would end all chances of us . fact of the matter is i think if i had not caught him when i did he would have slept with her even if in fact he didn't that was only because i rolled up on him when i did. I followed him with this woman in the car for a while, he realized it was me and tryed to lose me but when he realized he couldn't he called me from her cell phone saying that it wasn't what it looked like he was just giving her a ride,

that he knew i would never trust him again now, and that he was planning on moving in a couple of weeks anyway, and that he didn't understand why he doesn't love me because theres no reason he shouldnt that i'm a great person, and he's never been as happy as he's been over the past couple of years being with me but he just doesn't love me. he said he feels empty inside and the things that should matter doesn't and he never wanted to hurt me and that he loves the person i am and does have feelings for me. He said he had been talking to his mother for the past month about his feelings for me (which i think had something to do with this, she's just weird, she's been alone most of her life and he thinks he's like her and was meant to be alone). I think he does love me he just doesn't understand his feelings. its been so long since he's had to deal with feeling anything it scared him. either way i'm done and it's just a matter of avoiding his calls and avoiding him. thanks everyone for all the good advice given, it's helped me see that respecting my self is so much more important than the feelings i have for him, he didnt' respect me or my friendship by what he did so why should i care about him.

thanks leokitten, but i am now more confused than ever. I left the message for him and since i didn't hear anything back from him i assumed he got the message and got the hint. but yesterday "thursday the day he was origianlly scheduled to come" came still no word from him and most of the day had went by so i figured all was well. At 1 pm he calls my work, I'm like whats up, he says you'll never guess what i'm doing, I'm like gee i wouldn't know, he kept aggitating me until he finally said he was on the computer, i said what computer he said yours, i said why are you in my house and how did you get in, he said i told you i was coming out today and i had the key from when you gave it to me to move my things months ago, he said he was eating my left over chinese food so i told him it had been there for over two weeks (not really just the night before) and he freaked out but i did tell him the truth eventually. he did the chit chat thing like he never got my message. ironically i got a flower delivery while he was there weird timming, he asked who it was from i said i don't know, he said do you want me to look i said no i will see when i get home. but i know he looked anyway, it was a sympathy arrangement (my grandma passed away). why is he so bold and why does he just make himself at home. he came to the house spent most of the afternoon there and left right before i got home, and called me on my cell, he said where are you (which i saw the caller id and i knew he was at his place already) so i told him i was just leaving work, i had to stop at the store and then i was going to my dads, he said well i'm not there i told i didnt' think he would be that i had other plans anyway due to it being my dads birthday. subject changed alot, he told me he scrubbed my tub, did a load of laundry, cleaned my mirrors, and my air purifier, and a lot of other things that are not his concern. what the hell is wrong with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know his nosey little ass went through all my stuff, he just made himself at home, how do i get him to go away and leave me alone!!!!!!!! i want my key back also, i have asked him for it 3 times now, and i've already paid to have the lock changed once when i decided that he had another place to live (long story). what kind of person comes out to the house anyway after being told not to, cleans your house and does your laundry and makes themselves at home.

A self centered guy does this kind of thing. Funluvn I agree pretty much fully with what Leokitten has been saying. This guy has too many issues and you are a god person who deserves somebody with their head screwed on properly. It sounds to me like he offered to come out and do a repair on your house to clear his own conscience and make himself feel better. So even in doing this he was doing it from a selfish motivation.

There is no point in keeping up contact with him because you have loving feelings for him and he doesn't know what he wants or loves. Keeping in contact with him will only cause you frustration and hurt so I think you should cut contact now. It will also do him a favour also because letting him think he can get away with behaving like a selfish jerk is not any good for his own emotional stability.

You also need to clear him from your zone so that the horizon is free for other worthier guys who are out there and know what they want and have loads more to offer.

If needs be, I'd suggest you get your locks changed again but this time make a committment to yourself that you will not be giving him a key to your door again. It may hurt for a while knowing that you won't be seeing him again as a lover or a friend but after that while you will come into your own again and realise how much you have going for yourself and how much you deserve a great guy who appreciates everything that you are.

yes i know i handled the situation in a weak manner, i do love this man and it is hard for me to get in his ass the way i need to. I am getting better though, mostly i was just so damn shocked at how bold he was in the first place, and it did take me off guard and somewhat speechless. He calls maybe once a month so i doubt he's a stalker, i have only spoken to him on the phone and seen him one time since he moved and the only reason i saw him was to help him because he ran out of gas. I have made my mind up that i am going over to his place after work today and demand my key back. if he doesnt give it to me then i will change the locks again. I honestly cannot wrap my head around why he would do what he did, that's not normal. I even asked him why, he said because he does still care about me alot and wants to be friends. i care about my friends alot and honestly i would never come scrub their shower and toilets ever!! not to mention i don't have my friends house keys and if i did i sure wouldn't just come in make myself at home and then leave before they get home. if they were my friends i would want to see them, he doens't give the impression he wants to see me, either that or he's just toying with me either way it's unacceptable. I am a very passive person, and it's almost impossible for me to shut someone out if i have feelings for them let alone be in love with them. i know i need to woman up and tell him where to go, i just haven't gotten there yet, i am getting close but i guess it's a process. this has left me just furious which is probably the response he wanted.

"I am a very passive person, and it's almost impossible for me to shut someone out if i have feelings for them let alone be in love with them. i know i need to woman up and tell him where to go, i just haven't gotten there yet, i am getting close but i guess it's a process. this has left me just furious which is probably the response he wanted."

That last bit you said doesn't sound like you are resolved to finish it with him. Funluvn I don't know you personally but I think you really have to finish it conclusively with him. No half measures. As Leokitten said, open communication is paramount and this guy sounds like he is cagey to the core. You are right: it is not normal to screw around on a woman, tell her you love her but you don't, call her once a month and then decide on a whim that you're gonna call over to her house and clean her toilet and showe and do her laundry and eat her left over Chinese. He has some cheek! If he did this to me I would rage at him and the if he didn't return my key, I'd get the police on him. He needs to start listening to what you are saying whether you are passive or not and I don't think he is listening or heeding what you have been saying probably because he thinks you will let him do as he pleases.

You do not need a guy like this. Tell him to f*** off.

That last bit you said doesn't sound like you are resolved to finish it with him

No probably not, but i am in love with him and i can't just turn it off like a light switch. I am trying, but it's not easy for me, i am a very passive person. I know all of this sounds bad on his part, but other than the two instances of infidelity (which one was while we were just friends/w/benefits) He's been very good to me. The major problem is his inability to commit and love again. Until i can convince myself that he doesn't love me i wont be able to walk away totally, he was my friend before anything else and its just all messed up.

i agree with mellowdee...i think he only did it to clear his guilty conscience...to make himself feel better about what he did to you...that's not right.

"I don't think he is listening or heeding what you have been saying probably because he thinks you will let him do as he pleases."


-ABSOLUTELY!!!

listen, this guy is a loser. you need to respect yourself more at some point. pretending you love him just to keep it going makes you feel bad continually.

Sure he has issues (who doesn't) but i wouldn't consider him a loser. he's always held a job and taken care of his responsibilities, he's been there for me when no one else has, and dispite his two instances of bad judgement he's been a great man to be with. I've been with losers, he is not one. And honestly i don't pretend to be in love with him to keep it going, I honestly and truely love this man, i never intended to or wanted to but it happens. I wouldn't be going through this if i didn't love him i could walk away without another thought. He and i were friends long before we were anything else, and due to how he was raised, and things that have happened since this man keeps his guard up high. Both times he screwed up alcohol was involved, and i persoanlly have been in a bad state of mind and screwed up myself before (not with him but other relationships and i didn't do it because i wanted to hurt them or because i didn't care it was just a lapse of judgement). He's never known what it's like to be in such a good relationship and it scares him, he's admitted that to me before. I don't excuse his behavior but i cannot base the entire 2 and a half years we spent based on two screw ups one that occured before we were ever even committed to one another. I read people well and this man is really upset over what has happened and i think thats why he's not tryed to come back, but he does miss me and he does care about me. He has told me he doesn't want to cause me anymore pain than he already has but he does still care and he does still miss me and he regrets what happen. I'm not saying i would take him back, but my life without him seems very empty, i've given it months now and this love i have for him and this emptiness i feel has not eased, i've had alot of really bad relationships this was not one of those, the time he and i shared was the best i've ever felt with someone. knowing what i know now i would probably do it all again even knowing the pain it caused in the end because the good times out weighed the bad.

you are rationalizing away TWO MAJOR SCREWUPS. HE CHEATED ON YOU TWICE

Like i said before the first time we were not together, we were friends w/ benefits and i could have done the same. we were not committed therefore it wasn't cheating, although it may have hurt just as badly technically he was free to do what and who he wanted so was i. As for rationalizing, yes maybe i do rationalize to a certain extent, but i am not contemplating taking him back or letting him move back in. The question on the table is wheather our friendship is worth salvaging. I am not lonely, I rather enjoy having the house to myself, yes at first i missed his presence at home a great deal but i have a daughter (and a cat) that keep me more than occupied. I work two jobs and i am a very busy lady so being lonely is not whats in question here. I genuinely have feelings for this man and regardless of what anyone thinks i know he's a really good person, he's just got issues himself. He did hurt me by what he did but I don't think it was intentional malice. He did not set out to ruin my life and hurt me. What happened happened, it can't be taken back, I accept that but i will never believe he did this stuff intentionally to hurt me. I guess my concern is the fact that i am in love with him and i am not sure how i can be friends with a man that i so deeply love, maybe i shouldn't and i'm setting myself up for heartache by allowing us to continue being friends, the relationship is over but where does our friendship stand. I have many ex's that i am still very good friends with, problem is i loved them yes but not as deeply as i love this man. I am not sure if i can be just friends and it's a hard decision to make in regard to that, but as far as a relationship goes he and i won't be together again, that resentment i have for what he did will always be there and it's like beating a dead horse, but he's always been good to me and a great friend so should i throw that away also. they say you can count your true friends on one hand and honestly he's always been in that category but this complicates that.

lk, obviously i didn't tolerate what he did to me, i changed my locks and had him move out. I have not seen him in two months other than the occasional phone call. I have moved on and i am doing alot better, i used to cry everytime i talked to him and i missed him terribly. he and i were friends before we were anything else and it is hard for me to give up on the friendship even though i don't think we could ever be in a relationship. this is why i am so confused, it's hard to return to a friendship after having such deep feelings. i accepted what's happened and moved on. But i don't think his mistakes are a reason not to be friends but they are a reason not to be in a relationship. I just want to be sure i can handle it, the last thing i want is to be involved like that with him again. and honestly part of me wonders if he even deserves my friendship. i respect your opinion and I have taken in all that you have said, but he's not some monster that treated me horribily, he's always treated me very well and respected me as a friend, yes he made mistakes he's human, are you saying you've never had a moment of weakness?

Thanks starfish, you hit the nail on the head when you said "I think that your Aqua friend has a ton of issues" because indeed he does, but deep down he does have a good heart. I know he did not do what he did to intentionally hurt me, and i have moved on so to speak. I do miss him and i yearn for what we could have had, but his issues are too great for him to overcome in the time we shared. I still wish him well and although i know we cannot be together i still have apathy for him. he deserves to be happy also he just doesn't feel like he deserves it and alot of that comes from his past experiences that he was unable to over come, that doesn't mean he's a bad person. I've been with bad people that did things to intentionally hurt other people and i do know the difference. I want to remain friends with him but it's difficult for me because even though logically i know we can no longer be my heart has yet to get that memo. But i appreciate all the input i have received. take care.

when I fall in love, I will fixate and fixate and fixate until I figure him out and then I'm ready to move on, that's soooo lame but I find that it's been a pattern for me in the past. I'm on a different path, I face my fears head on now.

I'm working on being a better person overall, spent 5 years being single and I believe I have conquered alot of my intimacy fears, but I must admit one on one relationships rattle the heck out of me, I get nervous, can't talk blah etc etc.

I'm much better now, communication is key.