almost dumped

I was over my bf's place alone and I was bored as everything he has entertainment wise is very macho. I noticed a his old cell phone and I proceeded to look at pictures and videos (he has not problem with me going in his phones ... so there's no privacy issue here) I found 6 short videos of a woman naked and being fondled by my bf and other men voice as well as other mens voices on the videos. I was hurt. Then I checked the date of the videos And I realized this occured white we were together.shortly after this he came back and I confronted him. He said his friend had hired a dancer and he did not have sex with her. I believed him but I was still hurt so I said "I believe you " and remained silent. Then he starts yelling at me and asking me if I am still gonna be with him. I'm hurt and shocked and can't believe he's yelling at mewhen he did wrong...I remain silent. I get up to leave and tell him I can't talk to him right now ...I need to think
(I'm a cap) He runs behind me and continues sccreaming at me if asking Im breaking up with him. I jump in my car and he gets in also. And he refuses to leave until I talk 2 him I tell him I'm not like him I need to think...he's screaming that if I won't tell him .....that its over. I couldnt believe what I heard. My heartbroke. He left and since I was unable to drive comes back 5 mins later apolgizing telling me how he loves me and by now I'm so emotional and confused i m just glad he's back. Then the next day after some make up sex he tells me no matter what he says....he loves me more than ill ever know.

I've had some time to think and I just can't figure out.....was he trying to dump me and then just felt bad and switched up? Does he really even care? If so how could he play with my emotions and hurt me like that? Was he just trying to avoid giving me the details of the encounter with the dancer? did I just let him walk on me?help

I was trying to get aries imput since he's an aries. Any response

Alright .. since nobody else is talking, I'll try to help you .. however, you'll have to keep in mind that I'll tell you exactly as I see it .. blunt and direct.

First of all .. people normally only have an emotional spike when they are "feeling" something about the situation. In this case, his emotions were screaming GUILT all over the fucking place. Something that was perfectly innocent wouldn't have warranted this kind of a response. So, him freaking out on you was because he was busted doing something he shouldn't have .... so, my mind would automatically go towards it NOT being an innocent video of a dancer.

Furthermore, because he was worried about you breaking up with him is another clear sign that he felt guilty .... if someone accidently did something perfectly innocent, why on earth would they fear their partner breaking up?

All guilt ....


Second .. you gave him mixed signals as well. As we know, men are physical and women are emotional. Right now, you are having emotional hestitations and concerns about what he's feeling, what's going on. Yet, because he is physical and will measure how much you love him by the physical love between you ... by sleeping with him without hashing this out, in his mind, is your forgiveness of him for whatever he's done. That's why after the sex, he was all mushy and loving .. whatever fuck up he did .. you completely forgave him by laying with him. Of course, I'm a girl, so this isn't how I would see it ... this is how men see it.

You're sitting back wondering and worried whether he was trying to break up with you ... whereas with me, my mind would be elsewhere, such as: Why the hell was he fondling another woman. It's not an acceptable excuse to say, "Because it was a dancer" .. that's just explaining WHO the woman was, but NOT justification to put his hands on her.

If you forgave him, and accepted his excuse this time ... then that just opened the door of you tolerating this kind of behaviour.

OMG!! I'm an Aries female but I have also dated Aries men, not to mention there are a lot of Aries men in my family. With that, I think I understand them quite well. It is true that men (and especially Aries men) have no problem separating love from sex. When men get together with strippers, they all want to show off (why, I have no idea the woman is being paid!!).

I have to agree % 100 with P-Angel. Having sex with him after was not a good move. This is for your sake, your peace of mind, you should have that before you give him your body. In the end, you know your situation better than anyone but please protect yourself. Not only your heart but if this guy has friends who he goes to strip clubs with or hires them and does things with them, um, let's say I've seen some pretty unsafe activities. Strippers want to make as much money as they can and that isn't good for you. You have to ask, if what he did didn't mean anything to him then why did he make a video of it? Obviously he thinks it's pretty great. Think now about whether your values match his. I'm sorry you had to see that but I'm also glad you know the truth. Use that to make your decision about him.

P-angel is right ....I was weak and overwelmed in the moment I knew it the next morning.. I just didn't know what to do I'm no good with those types of situations....I never know quite what to say or do I just go blank and silent.

Mistrey, I always protect myself physically. I emotionally is where screw up

We're female, dali .. men know how to get us where we're going to crumble .. stroke our emotions = tell we're beautiful, they love us and we melt. I'm quite sure that he probably zeroed in on your feelings, to get you to concede.

But, that doesn't mean it's too late to lay your cards on the table about how you feel. In fact, it may even be better this way because now he'll relax and stop hounding you about whether you're going to break up with him .... and this will give you time to sort this out in your head.

aries are mental like that...

I think that maybe it could also be that he was trying to make sure. I mean, we Aries have a thing about our ego. It cannot be bruised, we cannot get our feelings hurt, it's weak..
So, he wanted to know if you were breaking up with him so he would know how to act. We "jump bad" when we feel like we are being attacked.

Due to insecurity usually

So he's guilty and was afraid I would leave him so he stabbed me in the heart and then ran to mend it back and I went 4 it....so far. Honestly the video cliips were from 06 and while they hurt me I was almost mortally wounded by how he acted after I confronted him. That's what I'm still pondering almost a week later.

Harue, are you saying aries guys hurt the ones they so called care for to protect themselves from hurt even when they are clearly in the wrong? I hope ur not cause I don't think my heart can stand that.

I don't think that they necessarily hurt someone to keep themselves from being hurt. But then again, I know with us Aries, we always have to be right and number 1.
We like to be in control, it's our way or the highway. So if we actually care for you, you got us. We are very defensive and aggressive, but soft on the inside.
He was probably afraid he was going to lose you so he "jumped bad" or he probably got scared.
Right now, I'm kinda going through a situation where my ex broke up me because of his own personal issues. We kick it from time to time and I still want him, but yet, I think about his history before me. I want to open to him (he's a Cancer) but yet I'm scared. If I call hiIm, or text him, he might think I'm "sweatin" him. We can't lose control. So, I try not to call him or ask about him, or text him or anything. I try to force myself to forget about him, even though on the inside, it kills me. We can never be weak in front of anyone.
So, he acted that way to stay in control over the situation. He wanted to get rid of you before you got rid of him. Do you understand?
And yes, maybe he was guilty, too. But then again, I think that shouldn't have looked through his phone. There's a saying, "What you don't know won't hurt you." I think that comes to play here. You were asking to find something. Let him have his privacy, and you have yours. He may seem as if he's cool with it but if you keep doing it, his gonna go off. We have short tempers. Also, with strippers, they are nobody. They get paid to dance for these men. They have no intentions of being with these women, unless they are desperate. He was just having fun, as long as he wasn't sleeping, kissing or anything like that, let it be. What do you think he's gonna do the night before you get married, if you guys do?
Hope that helps, mama....

"ha! you can always tell when an aries man is in the wrong - when he starts yelling."


Not just the men, Roxi .....

Dali, an Aries man has to reminded of his "responsibilities" all the time. He may not naturally be sensitive or domestic, but if you succeed in establishing that behavior shows the class (evolutionary )of a man, you may hope for better times. Of course you would have to administer this diplomatically.

Your man perhaps didn't think twice befor indulging in those acts and couldn't stand the possibility of his image being tarnished when caught. Very irresponsible. We think of ourselves as infallible and beyond any reproach but such mistakes can cost us our honor, the very thing which is an eternal quest. Hence a panicky, unsavoury and nervvy display of defiance.

* I found 6 short videos of a woman naked and being fondled by my bf and other men voice as well as other mens voices on the videos. I was hurt. Then I checked the date of the videos And I realized this occured white we were together.

wow. I don't think I would not be cool with that at all.

* was he trying to dump me and then just felt bad and switched up?

nah. they just get defensive. he knew he was in trouble so he went on the attack. "if you are going to leave me, i will leave you first." it is a pride thing. he was hurt, scared, and freaked out.

he didn't want to dump you. he didn't want you to dump him. he just acted without thinking in an effort to save his pride.

keep you eye on the puck. don't be confused by him turning the tables on you.

how do you feel about what he did with this woman. that is the REAL question.

* I'm no good with those types of situations

No one is. Seeing that video would be excruciating for anyone.

Guarav.... I think the first half of you post is right....when I mention something I like or dont like one or twice he responds accodingly. as for the second part of you post...well I don't know.

gemini....sound fun but its not my thing. However I did ask him how he would feel if it were in reverse and he just refused to even imagine it. fairness doesnt seem to be one of his qualities.

lil sparrow...thanks 4 the advice, he is very proud, he even told me women are supposed to give in, he a man and he can be weak, and I just fed into that whole way of thinking. but now I know better.