Break-up or Make-up?

Hello 🙂

I've been reading this forum for a few weeks and decided to make my first post. I'm not so sure I'm looking for advice as much as to get it all out in words, but would definitely love some objective opinions.

He is cancer sun, gem moon, scorpio rising - I am gem sun, cancer moon, scorpio rising

This guy and I met in December on a dating app. I have always been too apathetic/lazy/wary to use online dating to its full potential, so despite having the app on my phone for over a year...he was only the second person I'd ever actually gone out with. He had just gotten out of a long term relationship 6 months earlier and I was his first date since. Our first date was pretty awesome...we were immediately comfortable with each other, like we'd known each other for years. We kept ordering more rounds even after saying it was the last one, and at the end of the date when I went to leave he kissed me which I wasn't expecting. He texted right after to say he definitely wanted to get together after we both got back from our homes for the holidays.

When we did get back, he invited me to a dinner gathering at his house and introduced me to all his close friends. That night ended up being awesome....when the gathering ended, his roommate was going to a show and we just kind of tagged along and went with the flow. I did end up sleeping with him that night, which is outside my MO (honestly usually have a strict 3rd date rule, so not that far outside my MO, but most people don't get to the 3rd date). We hung out twice more that week, including NYE...then continued to see each other once or twice per week for the several months following. We established exclusivity but no title. He still introduces me as a friend, but if people ask if he's my boyfriend, he will say yes...and all his friends refer to me as such. I have become close myself with his group of friends and have hung out with them when he was unavailable on several occasions.

He does have some very typical Cancer traits that have been hard to deal with for me, such as lack of communication, no initiative in making plans until 15 minutes before he wants to make them, being extremely involved and focused in his work, and being very guarded with his emotions. I have so much fun with him and truly know we could be something special, but have had a hard time getting deeper than this surface level relationship because I was afraid to upset the balance and voice that some of these things frustrate

me. I'm pretty easy, I don't need much at all...I love that he's passionate and focused on work, and have no problem not seeing him/communicating much during the week...I just wish he'd include me more in the big things that happen so I can be happy for his success. He also kind of adjusts plans in hugely significant ways without telling me then just springs it on me last minute which is something that actually does infuriate me lol, or shows up just ridiculously late to stuff. It's all things I can deal with, but coupled together it's always just made me wonder how invested in me he truly is (if at all).

Finally, in early July, he adjusted a plan that was very important to me (to attend a local music festival) and it really hurt my feelings because he knew I was counting on him to go. I finally spoke up for myself and said something about how it's hurtful to always feel like an afterthought. He responded that it was something he had heard before in previous relationships, but he also was doing that in this case because he could tell I was moving towards something serious and he wasn't at a place in his life for that with work. I was very confused, because the week before he had taken me to meet his sister for the first time (his suggestion, would have never pushed for that until he was ready) and we got along great...and had what I thought to be a really good weekend overall. He said he could tell I had been walking on eggshells not expressing my true feelings and it made him apprehensive. My first reaction was that he was breaking up with me entirely, but he assured me no...it's just busy season at work (which it totally is...he works in music and it's festival season). We agreed to be more authentic with each other, attend this music festival that weekend, and then take a break for a while (until after a specific fest was finished) so he could focus on work.

We went to the festival and it was amazing. We were connecting in ways we never had previously because we were afraid to disagree about things. Things were just light and fun and I felt really close to him, like it could be something just awesome. But then, of course, right after we entered into this break.

We haven't really talked in the weeks following sans a few drunk text exchanges (initiated by me - nothing heavy, just supportive), and a few snapchats (initiated both ways). I don't like this at all but I'm willing to do it to show my loyalty and support. Eventually, I was tired of hi

was tired of him being able to check in on me without actually communicating by using snapchat...and so I took him off of it. I think this hurt him and we've had a couple weird social media passive aggressive moves back and forth...but his friends are still communicative and he still responds positively if I do mess up and text him.

The fest I was waiting to pass was this past weekend. I know he has a lot of follow up work he probably has to do, and we don't usually hang out during the week anyway, but I can't help but feel a little hurt that he hasn't reached out at all after limited contact for the last month. He really did become a large part of my social life...not so much so that I wasn't able to keep myself busy outside of him, and none of my relationships are strained because of him...but I like the community and closeness of his group and prefer them to many of my own friends, so it was extra sad to be cut off from all of that as well. I'm worried he won't contact me on the weekend either and this was all just some elaborate plot to let me down easy, even though I was okay with breaking up. But then I think about it and just don't think he'd put me through that for nothing...and he must actually like me. It's weird to be 8 months into dating someone and not even be fully sure if they like you or not. I just tend to have exceptional intuition and can read people relatively easy, but he has always thrown me for a loop. In my heart of hearts, I think this is all leading to something greater....but I know I'll be so crushed if I'm wrong...not only because I truly care for him, but also because that would mean my gut (which I tend to trust emphatically) was wrong and that would set my moral compass off.

Just kind of in my feelings today and writing about it helped me get it all out...so thanks for the sounding board. Of course, if anyone has anything they might be helpful....I'd love to hear it =)

Sounds like you've been together a while ~6 months and the honeymoon phase has worn off. Now you need to smooth out the differences you've glossed over. The only thing I see that is a problem is possible boredom which probably hits you right in the gemini tooshie.

lol. ok my post was based on your first post but you've written 3 more since then... i'll read the rest and post more thoughts

OK, read the rest. He likes you and knows you want more than what he's giving so he's thinking it over and deciding if he wants to take that next step. The only problem is that the thinking might last a long time, longer than you want so that is where you are now. If he decides he cant or does not want to give what you're looking for then he will most likely end it (depending on his character) otherwise he's still mulling it over. I suppose your decision is how long you want to wait, 1 month? 6 months? 5 years?

Ughhhh yeah...I'm not sure haha. I approach relationships pretty logically, but also have been known to hold on to things past their expiration date. The last cancer took a year and a half to finally try to make it official and by then I was so disgusted with him that I said no. I was 23 then tho, so no harm no foul. But at 28 I definitely don't have a year and a half lol.

He's not making you a priority and that's the real problem here. Plus, he thinks it's okay to show up late and really you shouldn't have opened the door for him. You should have showed him your not a booty call. A man either is or he isn't in love with you and when he's in love, he makes time to see you, he plans dates, he treats you with respect and has a title for you...this is my girlfriend. Work is just an excuse. Since you asked for honest feedback, I'm gonna give it. You're Miss Right Now to him and that is all. He's intentionally keeping things "loosey goosey" so as to keep HIS options open. I have been in your situation and I walked when I figured out that he's not "in it to win it." Don't settle. Cancer men are more traditional than most so you're really wasting your time here. He knows what he's supposed to do and he's not doing it to have sex but no commitment. Therefore, you should walk and not look back. If this were gonna work out, it would have worked out after the first 3 months.

OMG this sounds like the Gem I just finished with he has a Cancer Venus, Cancer Mars, and a Scorpio moon (All watered out) and I am on straight silent treatment after the
"I am not looking to be too serious talk." and some being pushy on my part after he started acting weird even though I said I would be ok with that, but it is very infuriating and I honestly think in my situation he is reconnecting with someone or found someone new and is trying to keep me on the side incase it doesn't work out. Well not anymore I am done, you can test me all day long, but only if I know your gonna be loyal in return I can't deal with silence for weeks with out at least an initial explanation its not fair and I don't deserve it and you don't either.

I agree with the sentiment that not being a priority is an issue...but this definitely isn't a "just for sex" situation. We've never hung out with that being the sole purpose (and have hung out several times without that even happening)...and when we do hang out, it's usually with his entire core group of people and usually will last either the entire weekend or at least a solid half of it. And we did have several initial conversations about taking this break...not talking at all was MY idea, not his. I wanted to give him the space to figure this all out and then put a deadline on making a decision for it. He's not a dishonest guy, I don't think he's cheating on me (there would be no reason to), but I do think he is figuring out if he's invested in me enough to try a real relationship or just let it go...and that's the part I'm not sure how it will go. Like I said, i approach relationships pretty rationally...if he decides he doesn't want to move forward with this, then ok. Someone else will date me haha. But i said I'd give him this time and it'd be unfair of me to bow out of it before it's complete just because I was in my feelings one day and couldnt handle not seeing him for a few weeks. Like, in the grand scheme of things...what's a month? If it's a question of the next few years or forever, that's not very much.

I guess I should have added that part about the silence being my idea earlier lol...does seem rather significant in a Cancer forum. But if I text him, he always responds.

cancers will get a taste of you then fly away.. they just wanna prove to themselves how bad it was.. then leave

I feel like I came about this the wrong way. I wasnt so much looking for an interpretation of his actions or our relationship prior to the point I'm currently at. Like...I know what's up. Him being late to things is just him being an inconsiderate/immature human being in general....it's not me specific. And yes, work absolutely is an excuse in my world. If you are working 10 hour days and all weekend long(and your work often includes obligatory partying)...I get that you'd rather just like, work out and go to bed in your spare time. People are allowed to be busy. I'm actually generally really busy. None of this bothers me. I know either he does or doesn't like me...and I'll find out at the weekend. I think rabidtalker kinda got what I was looking for, if anything. So thanks for that 🙂

I think I kinda answered my own question and it's that astrology is only helpful to a point. if you get too deep, you start to convince yourself to go against your gut.

meh.. the typical double sided Gemini .. never settles on land!