Cancer guy blanking me out

I've hooked up with my Cancer friend the night before I left town with him saying that he needed to feel a connection to have a physical relationship with someone. I've been in denial of my feelings for him and couldn't bring myself to tell him what I felt because it just wasn't the appropriate time, I had to move the next day!

I asked him what that hook up meant for him a few days later and the reply was a bold and really odd "guys just want to have sex 😉" and him saying months later that he was really scared that I could have feelings for him. I laughed it off with my ego and feelings destroyed and tried to remain friends but our conversations were shortened as time went by and the "read" notifications were usually where it ended.

I know he cared for me, I could sense the Cancerian moon when I was with him, always at his place and he even cooked a couple times. But I don't understand how I could suddenly barely be considered an acquaintance. He barely lets me in when I ask him what's going on in his life and it's eating me on the inside and makes me really dramatic, my Twitter has been a complete mess these past few months haha.

The only way I know how to deal is to cut all contacts with him and that's already started with deleting all his messages because it doesn't feel like the same person anymore. I just need to know what could be happening from his side? What would make a Cancerian person push a long-term friend away after having been intimate? I keep reading that it's their fluctuating mood but I know it's only a week tops and back to normal with him but I haven't heard from him for a month and I don't want to seem clingy for no reason.
Would it be a mean move if I deleted him off my life?

How far away did you move? maybe he feels "what's the point?" starting anything since you are not close by anymore..so in his own way he is detaching himself.

@virgorillaa - we're both really busy at the moment and he's out of the country for the next 4 months so I'll only see him in September and I planned to talk to him about it then but that's in a while...I don't want to lose him but I'm not the chasing type either and especially not the game-playing time. Should I just wait and see what happens until Sept? I should also mention that he has a lot of female friends that wouldn't mind getting together with him and I was their last "obstacle", haha.

@Moonbutter - I moved a 5-hour drive from there but we're often both busy. I just don't understand why he wouldn't even try holding a casual conversation, is this part of the detachment process?

Thank you guys for your answers, I greatly needed outside opinions!

Can you talk to him on the phone at least as opposed to text/email?

Biggest problem with cancer chasers is that they don't know how to approach them the right way. If you do and you have cancer problems and not problems that depend on the ways of the person itself then you will see how easy it can be to get a cancer to cooperate. A lot of chasers on here says cancers like to be chased just so they can turn them down and they like attention. No. Big no. They hate to be chased but they love it when no chasing happens. They want both people to put equal work in. Most cancer chasers think cancers like attention. No. They really hate attention. Especially the wrong attention brought by over dramatic people who keep overreacting to what they think is simple stuff. They like long lasting relationships so they want to know how durable you are. If a cancer is dating you for 2 months or over they are interested and see a future with you. If you drag your feet they won't take you serious and most cancers can tell when you're not being genuine. They hate fake ness. Ever seen a cancer talk to someone they first met vs someone they've known for a long time who doesn't show interest in them? With the new person the cancer is open like a book and doesn't hold back. That's what they want. That's what they need. So think of how they were to you when you first met. That's what they want. When people treat them how they treat other people especially ones they love they will give it back.

@Rowan - I've tried calling him but he rarely picks up and when he does he's usually with friends and I don't want to bother him

@StarChild63 - I'm quite confused by what you're saying, haha. I'm not a chaser by any means, I've been communicating with him just like I have in the past, maybe a little more to compensate just how little he has replied back. I just don't understand what changed in his head? He used to be the one contacting me most often and I liked feeling that he actually wanted me in his life but now with all the avoiding and no replies I'm questioning if he didn't just want the sex and nothing else? I mean it /is/ what he said after all.

@thinktoomuch - I'll admit I have had the hardest time to hide my feelings for him, hahaha. And it's really odd because I'm usually really effing good at playing poker face (my astro chart can testify! sag sun, gem rising, scorp stellium, venus in cap, I mean, could I seem any less emotional?) but he made the ice melt so hard it turned into steam. I'll be damned if he did all that just to bail out and not face the consequences!

StarChild, from your other topic and this, I think I'm finally getting what you mean? In that they need the same level of care, affection and communication as they give? The thing is that I'm really private and independant, it's not that I don't care or don't love them, it's who I've grown up to be and knowing him for five years, I just assume he knows that and that I'm not just playing hard to get or whatever. If I didn't care for him I wouldn't ask to meet him whenever I go back in town when he's blown me off before, I wouldn't still be trying to contact him when he's ignored me before.
I'm close to just giving up all my efforts because as I said, I am not a chaser. If he doesn't want me in his life anymore then so be it, we'll both live but it's 5 years of a strong bond where we've both shaped each other into the adults we are now. I need to be sure because I don't want to spend any more time trying to understand someone who acts like we never had anything to start with.

I guess everything could be solved with a straight talk but it's only going to be in September the earliest, what do you think I should do until then? Keep trying to talk to him, make more efforts or just leave it as is until we speak?
I know I'll still be hung up on him until I get closure but he could've moved on by then, I don't know how he feels after all.

I actually don't want more! The "Did all that" was meant to be taken light-heartedly, he's one of the few people in my life that have managed to make me open up and I cherish that because it's so rare that I feel so comfortable with someone. I'm not blaming him for being a great person, haha, I'm actually blaming myself more for being so closed down 🙂.

I think what's frustrating me at this point is that since we've had sex, it doesn't feel like he treats me as a friend the same way he used to, whether he knew of my feelings or not. I'm not looking for a relationship and I can understand that he may not have feelings for me but I'm pretty sure I deserve a little more respect considering we've known each other for a while and at least have a reply back to my texts that isn't "lol".

I'm sorry if I made him seem like the bad guy or that he was the source of all evil! We've both messed up along the way and I'm trying to work on what I can do but I'm no mind reader.

Well I dunno I think he had feelings for you...but you didn't reciprocate in the way he wanted so he crawled into his shell :/

The infamous Cancerian shell...has anyone found a way to really crack it or lure them out yet? haha

Posted by liya92
The infamous Cancerian shell...has anyone found a way to really crack it or lure them out yet? haha

There is no luring...only waiting 😉 We Cancer folk are very patient haha

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by liya92
The infamous Cancerian shell...has anyone found a way to really crack it or lure them out yet? haha

There is no luring...only waiting 😉 We Cancer folk are very patient haha

click to expand

I disagree. I can be lured out. But I suppose it takes the right person/people, or at least an ok person doing it in the right way with the right timing. Putting it that way makes it sound really difficult lol. But I don't think I'm actually that difficult & people in my life don't seem to think I'm very difficult. We Cancers can be insecure inside & cautious & so reassurance that the other person is still interested & thinking about us can be helpful. Silent waiting can make us think the person is not waiting or interested.

Maybe I didn't explain that clearly - I'm just on my phone so will try to explain better when I have time & am on my computer.

See, I've rarely been put in a situation where I actually wanted to work on keeping someone in my life. I usually just let people come and go because such is life and I know I'll be there if they need me and vice versa, I don't need constant communication for people to matter in my life. If I've trusted you once and you never done me wrong, we're still friends even after years of no communicating. Then again those people are usually dominant Sagittarius, Aquarian, Cap and Aries pals, haha. I guess my inexperience with water signs is showing despite my Scorpio-heavy chart!


I send him texts whenever something reminds me of him and like, little inside jokes. I don't want to come on too strong either, I already said I missed him last time we saw each other and he just bear-hugged me and said I was being sappy, lol.

I see it as you have 2 options liya92...you can either walk away from this guy completely ooor tell him your feelings and then you don't have to wonder "what if" and all that shit. Tell him and then he can make a decision based off the info and if he's interested he will reach out and who knows what will happen.

You're right, I should stop being so scared of loss and rejection, it's a part of life after all. I'll wait until I see him in real life and we'll talk, hopefully I'll have enough balls to open up completely 🙂
Whatever happens at least I'll have the closure I need. How can I tell him that if he doesn't have feelings for me I'll need not have any contact with him for a while without sounding like an ultimatum? Do you think he'll understand?

okay so i'm going to bring this back on the table although i don't feel as passionately as i did when i posted this topic...i guess it's for some sort of closure and whatever you guys feel like adding, i'm open to discussion so i can understand whatever is going on from an outsider/cancerian/psychologist/therapist/bystander point of view.


so i cooled down, occasionally sending him internet things he'd enjoy but usually our exchange would go like this :

Me : *sends link and witty comment*
Him : replies back on topic
Me : replies back on same topic
Him : NOTHING. Niet. Nada. Just a "read" notification.

I mean. It's literally all the time now and not only is it hurting my feelings but I also feel like it's gone beyond game-plays and he's just entered an asshole phase. I've stopped messaging him two weeks ago because I'm really trying to keep my distance but then he messaged me and dared to ignore me AGAIN after I replied. And it's like...I don't get it? Who does that?? Why is it a thing that people do?

Anyway, I've also heard that he'd tried to sleep (twice) with a (blonde blue-eyed Aquarian) friend I'd introduced him, the year before we slept together. So there's me feeling like I'd not only been third-wheeling but also used as last resort for some horny dickhead without me realising it.

Oh yeah, and real life conversation is still not possible because he's in whatever bullshit country for the summer.

I guess this has gone beyond astrology because I can't possibly link any of that to Cancerian behaviour unless it's a grand scheme in order to protect some fragile little heart and a sizeable ego like I've been the offender in all this.

Welp, you guys.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by liya92
The infamous Cancerian shell...has anyone found a way to really crack it or lure them out yet? haha

Just listen to the words that come out of their mouth. If they want space, they want space. If you make all these assumptions and add in your own insecurities and issues you will just lose them.

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True true... One for arielle andone for moonbutter

I did not reread all the old stuff, but everything you just wrote today sounds incredibly familiar to me. It is the most frustrating process. If my cancer never answered or reached out, or ever said anything that showed care, I would assume he wanted nothing to do with me. It is that checking in every once in a while that makes everything sooooo confusing. I for one am glad that mine keeps checking in. I do not want to let go. However, I can see how it would be preferable for many for the cancer to disappear so they can just move on.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by liya92
The infamous Cancerian shell...has anyone found a way to really crack it or lure them out yet? haha

Just listen to the words that come out of their mouth. If they want space, they want space. If you make all these assumptions and add in your own insecurities and issues you will just lose them.

click to expand

This! +1000
Don't read too much into. Cancers maybe master mind manipulators but they still have a heart. Not only is he telling you he's not interested and he's afraid of you falling for him but he's showing to you to he's not interested. Whether you want him in your life as a friend is up to you. But come on every girl coming in here saying they can be friends with feelings always end up getting used and abused and thrown away like used tissue. If you have self respect just let him come to you. If you mean anything to him he will come back. Patience is the essence of getting the cancers out of their shell. Poking and prodding only drives them in deeper.

Posted by xtina

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by liya92
The infamous Cancerian shell...has anyone found a way to really crack it or lure them out yet? haha

Just listen to the words that come out of their mouth. If they want space, they want space. If you make all these assumptions and add in your own insecurities and issues you will just lose them.

This! +1000
Don't read too much into. Cancers maybe master mind manipulators but they still have a heart. Not only is he telling you he's not interested and he's afraid of you falling for him but he's showing to you to he's not interested. Whether you want him in your life as a friend is up to you. But come on every girl coming in here saying they can be friends with feelings always end up getting used and abused and thrown away like used tissue. If you have self respect just let him come to you. If you mean anything to him he will come back. Patience is the essence of getting the cancers out of their shell. Poking and prodding only drives them in deeper.

I've stopped overthinking and messaging him, started to get rid of traces of him in my everyday life, etc. I guess I'd just rather he not contact me at all than reach out and bail, because that's confusing me more than anything.
I get less emotional and pissy about it now so there's that, haha.

Posted by LostBull
I did not reread all the old stuff, but everything you just wrote today sounds incredibly familiar to me. It is the most frustrating process. If my cancer never answered or reached out, or ever said anything that showed care, I would assume he wanted nothing to do with me. It is that checking in every once in a while that makes everything sooooo confusing. I for one am glad that mine keeps checking in. I do not want to let go. However, I can see how it would be preferable for many for the cancer to disappear so they can just move on.

click to expand

For a long time I did not want to let go but at this point our relationship isn't bringing anything new to the table and it's just desperate and sad so I'd rather cut it off to start anew. It's usually what I do with all of my other past involvem

I didn't read anything but the last page but I know when you have that thing going when a cancer reaches out and then disappears after that means they were too shy to get the conversation going but wanted to make the initial reach out. Those times did you say one word answers or not reply or say a basic common answer? They can see that as rejection because it seems like you're not interested in them or their conversation because it looks like your not engaged. That slight feel of rejection will make them throw their hands up and say I tried and it ain't working out and they'll go back to silence and check in later to see if they'll get a different reaction. If you keep giving the sane eventually they will disappear for good. That's why you'll notice the people who are just as energetic or into the conversation as cancers are are the ones cancers won't hide from. DONT EVER TRY TO ACT MODEST AROUND A CANCER because they will smell your insecurity and will know your being modest to put up a fake front or they will think you don't fuck with them. This was my biggest mistake with my friend since the beginning.

Posted by StarChild63
I didn't read anything but the last page but I know when you have that thing going when a cancer reaches out and then disappears after that means they were too shy to get the conversation going but wanted to make the initial reach out. Those times did you say one word answers or not reply or say a basic common answer? They can see that as rejection because it seems like you're not interested in them or their conversation because it looks like your not engaged. That slight feel of rejection will make them throw their hands up and say I tried and it ain't working out and they'll go back to silence and check in later to see if they'll get a different reaction. If you keep giving the sane eventually they will disappear for good. That's why you'll notice the people who are just as energetic or into the conversation as cancers are are the ones cancers won't hide from. DONT EVER TRY TO ACT MODEST AROUND A CANCER because they will smell your insecurity and will know your being modest to put up a fake front or they will think you don't fuck with them. This was my biggest mistake with my friend since the beginning.

That's such twisted behaviour.

I try to be engaging and light-hearted whenever we speak and that's how I've always been, I've never replied one-word answers or ignored him although he does it all the time. I even wrote a paragraph-long answer when he asked what's up and he just read and ignored. We used to speak for hours about nothing and everything, and I wanted that back.

If anything, I feel like I'm bothering him so whether it's games or the plain truth or some fear, I'm done with it because I'm unnecessarily hurting from it and he's got other girls to keep himself entertained.

But also, what do you mean about acting modest? Like, writing monotonously?