Cancer man said he loves me now he's backing away?

My Cancer man was hurt in a past relationship. He's the first Cancer I have ever been with so I don't understand his mood changes, and why he told he loved me and now he's backing away. Does this possibly go back to him being hurt before?? One minute he loves me and the next he wants to just be friends?? What do you think??

Yes I'm a libra. This guy and I became good friends. Then we started hanging out and we started talking about relationships. I know he's scared to death about being hurt. Mind games dont scare me. I have really started to care for him and don't want him to shut himself off from anyone and everyone he gets close to. He's very caring does sweet things for me that he really doesn't have to do and when I try to do something back for him it scares him I think. How can things be going so perfectly and then BAM!!!

So basically let it go.. Runaway as fast as I can—

Just see what he does, if he leaves you then I guess its time to let it go but if he needs time to sort it out he'll come back

Patience... Ok. I'll wait it out.

EVERYONE has been hurt in past relationships.

Period. End of story.

Posted by Maddy
So he was hurt in past relationship what now? you have to treat him with EXTRA care?!! All of us were hurt in past relationship. That is a bullshit excuse. To me it seems like he can't make up his damn mind what he wants.
Leave him alone for a while, let him think things through and when he's ready he will come to you if he cares about you.


I love you crabs, but it's not always about you!

She doesnt have to treat him with extra care, but I would imagine is more or less ... understanding. He probably isn't ready for a relationship as much as he feels he is or maybe doesnt want one but is finding himself wanting to be in one with her. Or, very likely he's scared of loving someone again in fear of what it will lead to. Those are his problems, not hers. But her responsiblity in this is to accept that, or not, to be understanding or don't, for her to set boundaries or not.

I want you to think about something, Maddy. It is about us. Always. What most people fail to realize, is we understand ourselves more than most people get. Most of it is hidden thoughts and emotions. No one gets that. Everyone laughs at how Cancers say how deep those feelings and emotions go, but it's the truth. So it is about us, and because of that we also realize the burden that puts on people, the emotional upheavel, the brooding and needing space, going MIA and concentrating on ourselves. If we can't have that, let alone have someone who gets, accepts, and understands that, then we cannot be ourselves, and therefore are no good to anyone let alone be a good partner, which in the end? Is all about YOU. Our lovers, our partners, our companions, our best friends. So yes, it will always be about us. Because in reality it is always about putting other people before us, our needs, our thoughts and feelings, and needs and desires.

Ya ever stop to realize how many waterbabies are addicts? Think about it.

Posted by Maddy
So he was hurt in past relationship what now? you have to treat him with EXTRA care?!! All of us were hurt in past relationship. That is a bullshit excuse. To me it seems like he can't make up his damn mind what he wants.
Leave him alone for a while, let him think things through and when he's ready he will come to you if he cares about you.


I love you crabs, but it's not always about you!

Maddy.. I know you're going through a hard time... but I think you may be projecting your feelings a bit.
Instead of dealing with the pain of your situation, wholly on your own, is it possible you are alleviating part of the responsibility of handling it, by blaming your boyfriend for not being there for you.. in the way you want him to?

If he was cuddling you, and pampering you and giving you extra attention, you'd still have to handle your situation. His comfort would just be a distraction.
Now that he's not doing those things (I'm assuming) his lack of comfort is now the distraction...

Express your emotional needs to him, but make sure you are doing everything you can to meet your own needs as well.

I'm glad you two are still working it out! 🙂

DR, where's his Venus? Is this the Cancer we spoke of a few months ago? When did this go down?! 😢

No doubt, us Cancers are and can be a hand full. We def are not easy, and yes, can be self absorbed when it comes to our feelings, needs, etc. Cancer moons are quite "intense" I find moreso in men in general. I believe it's because they don't know what or how to process all the watery waterness. Men + emotions = constant internal turmoil and struggle. That's where Scorp men fall into "troubles" in figuring themselves out, and women understanding them.

Ellybean is a Cancer moon I believe and well, we all know how sweet she is 🙂 I've met, and dated one that I know of for sure, a Cancer moon ... he was a Sag sun ... of course, me thinking our placements would be perfect Sag sun/Can moon, and me Can sun/Sag moon, it was too much. At least for my likings. Another DXP member was dealing with a Cancer moon and he was cray cray too. But he too did the same thing (the Can moon I dated) all of a sudden just not show up for something or be extremely late with no phone call, and then look at you like you just ate his cat when you even asked let alone mentioned his untimeliness. >:k The cancerian trait, however like 1,000 fold.

So that's a difference rudeness/bad manners vs. needing a day/few hours of alone time. I'd be flipping houses and rooves if my guy ever disappeared for four days without a trace, clue, word, or trail. Now if we were fighting, or I had made it known in some way I was not happy with him? Then yes, I've just dropped for days or a day or two without another word.

I did that to my ex Cancer boyfriend ... he crossed boundaries, for like the umpteempth time, but this time was diff .. it really struck a chord in me of betrayal, so I explained to his Mom and left without saying goodbye to him (he was sleeping). He called and called and called. IMd me, etc. all day and night. I didnt return anything or speak to him for a week. By then he was pissed long before, but I didnt care it didnt phase a bone in me. During that week I cried like no one else, wrote, listened to Nora Roberts, stared at walls, took long showers. A lot of self reflection. I didnt answer the phone for anyone nor return any calls, nothing. I completely shut myself off to the world, including family. Out in public, no one wouldve known. Behind closed doors? Total self and internal mutiny.

It's really not a pretty sight when it finally weighs down enoug

It's really not a pretty sight when it finally weighs down enough and crashes. Not a journey I want to take anyone on, and only one person gets me, well maybe two, to a point that they realize the process I need to go through and where my mind goes ... and it's almost like it has to go to the depths in order to come out alive, and better than ever.

As I've grown older, I've learned to internalize a lot. Not many people to get it, let alone understand. That causes new problems, stress, etc. so it's better to not say a word but rather take and make time for myself and not feel like I have to answer phone calls, emails, FB, DXP, etc. until I know I can and have worked through it all enough where I can be a good friend, Mom, etc. This is where I was telling Maddy, it has to happen, at least for me ... otherwise I'm useless to others because my mind is focused on whatever is going on RATM, and not on others. And that's not fair either. Some call it selfish or self absorbed, and I suppose it is.

Okies, when did it go down though? When was the last time you two talked, text, duked it out? When was his trip. Did he completely shut you off, without another word? Speak to me lady!! 🙂

Talking out of both sides of my mouth alert: I cringe over vulgarity, but have the mouth of a drunken sailor especially when I'm mad or worked up 😛 But mind and mouth can switch, depending on who I'm around.

Did he come from a home of alcoholics, perhaps? I'm NOT saying you are an alcoholic, maybe his history is with family that drinks so he's more sensitive to that, and less tolerant because of it? Or old fashioned enough that women don't drink? What's his religious background vs. yours?

25 years old female

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Posted by 2libras
My Cancer man was hurt in a past relationship. He's the first Cancer I have ever been with so I don't understand his mood changes, and why he told he loved me and now he's backing away. Does this possibly go back to him being hurt before?? One minute he loves me and the next he wants to just be friends?? What do you think??


Did you tell him you love him, too?

Yes I did!

Went out with my crab man tonight. Kept it simple. Didn't talk too much about what's been going on with us. We had a great time! I know he's scared

I am going to be patient... Give him space and hopefully he'll come to me again. If not we will be great friends

Posted by 2libras
Went out with my crab man tonight. Kept it simple. Didn't talk too much about what's been going on with us. We had a great time! I know he's scared

I think that's a great idea 🙂 if he was hurt, then he has probably put up some walls which is making it very hard for him to open up again.. but he is interested in you. Take it easy, and bring those walls down with your libran charm 😉! Once he's more relaxed he'll be hard to get rid of. Even if it does turn into a great friendship, maybe thats just what he needs to fully let you in and blossum possibly leading to something more blissful for you both!

I have dated a libra, and he was wonderful.. he did have to go through some hoops to coax me though but once he did i was putty 🙂. Our relationship turned out to be something great for years, with awesome conversation & romance, and all around fun. However it did not end on great terms, but everyone has they're own stories and i wish you luck with yours! 🙂

Thanks. He's worth being patient for.

Thanks! All very good points.

Posted by KittyKnitter
once you say you love someone, you cannot take it back. once you realize that, fear can step in and take over. because
there are a lot of expectations usually attached to i love you. those can be overwhelming and there is a responsibility to follow through once we say it.some people might hardly ever say it but show it in a hundred ways. others say it a lot but it means nothing. maybe the more it means, the more scared we become that we are far too vulnerable than we like and we try to get back to a place where we felt safe.

fear happens to everyone. some talk about it. some don't. losing someone you love is hard. losing someone you realized you didn't really know is hard too. to life. to death. all hard. if you love someone that means wanting the same things for the other person as you want for yourself. you want control over your life, you don't want to be governed by fear or anxiety, you want free choice. to make a choice you have to know yourself and look at the different possibilities then take time to put thought and emotion into the choice you make. if it means supporting someone who wants time and space or just a little understanding, then of course you will give it. sometimes we are afraid to ask for help when we need it the most because we are afraid of rejection but it's worth taking the risk to ask, it's worth waiting for someone to say they love you when they are ready. it's worth showing it and it's worth knowing that something right will work.

if you fit into that person's life and they fit into yours, you will know it but it's not something that happens over night. also life has many ups and downs so what might be ok one day can change but change can be growth. if someone is uncertain of what is next after they say i love you, that's human and understandable. sometimes we are afraid of allowing the bonds to be stretched. it means taking the chance to grow together but accepting the possibility of growing apart. but the bonds will either break or strengthen throughout the ups and downs in life and it's better to know sooner than later that it's not built to last. communication is key to working out the differences in how we think and feel. if someone really loves you, they cannot help but show it sooner than later.

wow, i dont think you could have said it any better. my cancer said it and i didnt say it back because for one, w

It either 3 things

1.You compromise his security overall in someway, cost him unneeded expences down the line.


2.He realized a part of your personality can no longer be tolerated.


3.You might be good enough to shag, but not to marry or show to the family. You
want more and he knows it will never happen.





I give honestly, not advice

Well, did the Cancer call back??

We've hung out a couple more times. Kept it relaxed. I went with no expectations. Just enjoyed hanging out. I told him the other day in a text that I missed him. He ended up asking me to come over. I did. It was nice. Out of nowhere he asked me if I was thinking about him right then. When I said I was he was right next to me in a split second and holding me. It was very nice. He kept kissing my forehead and cheek. Eventually mouth. Seems like once he lets his guard down and we get close like that he retreats a little again. But we are spending time together again tomorrow night. We will see.

Posted by 2libras
We've hung out a couple more times. Kept it relaxed. I went with no expectations. Just enjoyed hanging out. I told him the other day in a text that I missed him. He ended up asking me to come over. I did. It was nice. Out of nowhere he asked me if I was thinking about him right then. When I said I was he was right next to me in a split second and holding me. It was very nice. He kept kissing my forehead and cheek. Eventually mouth. Seems like once he lets his guard down and we get close like that he retreats a little again. But we are spending time together again tomorrow night. We will see.

sooo, update is called for!

Seems to be slowly getting better. Walls may be coming down a bit. Amazing smile I love is back. Talk a bit more. Still hanging out. Guess I just gotta be patient