Cancer the Narcissist

Many writers have described the 'narcissistic adult' as NOT one who has been 'spoilt' by too much attention, but someone whose life has been spoilt because those who cared for him in infancy or childhood were unable to see or know who he was, and respond to that. Instead they saw a reflection of their own needs, or someone who intruded upon their needs.

Richard Sennet writes:

"The manifest content of such a distress is "I cannot feel"; the latent content, however, is that the Other, the other person or the outside wold, is failing to arouse me. The statement of inadequacy is double-edged. I am inadequate; those who care about me, by their very caring become inadequate for my needs and are not really the "right ones'...
The person caught in this bind feels that those trying to get close to him are violating him, giving him no room to breathe. and so he flees... on to the next person who is idealized as perfect until he or she begins to care."

Hmm... sound familiar to any of you Cancers? ... past or present?

I've often wondered about the self-absorbed Cancer, who delights in draining and using the people around them. The materialistic ones, always searching for the next gadget or 'item' that will make them the envy of all their friends.

thoughts?

That whole topic is a big mess but I recognize that I demand to be understood. Being interested in me is not even close to being enough. I never felt like my parents wanted to know who I am and that's why I've cut them off from my life.

I honestly don't get the narcissism connection at all.

😢

Narcissists react emotionally when their ego is threatened, usually internalizing failure. Their emotional response to failure is to feel shame, as opposed to guilt felt by non-narcissists. They will avoid this emotion at all cost and externalize blame to events, situations or people.

They are overtly or subtly arrogant, vain, manipulative and greedy for admiration. They are also prone to rage or projection of emotions.

Now there is 'healthy' narcissism and 'pathological'. The healthy kind is described as having 'own love' or a strong feeling of love for 'who we are'. The ground work is set from childhood.
If it's not developed, the pathological kind can find a foot hold.

This is human nature and not distinct to any sign, but wouldn't this have more of impact to the already highly emotional Crab? When a Cancer goes against their nature and tries to deny their feelings, they can take on that narcissistic lack of interest in warm and caring interpersonal relationships. Thus, pushing people away and becoming an emotional nightmare.

idk, just ideas on Crabs Gone Bad...

Posted by MoonBunny
We're narcissistic, or not narcissistic. You are merely half right.

Knowing who we are gets us a better edge with dealing with the world. The harsh world that pricks on sensitive Cancer in every angle imaginable. Thusly we must adapt. To defend.

Very true...

Insight and analysis are two very different things. Coming up with a theory about oneself or someone else is not the same as knowing yourself and how you tick.

Knowing how you relate to people, developing your empathic ability to 'see' or help others... all the while still helping yourself, is so important to Cancer survival. Adapt and defend.

A wise Cancer will not let another person convince them that their emotions are perceived, unrealistic or subjective. Our intuition tells us that they are not... and it should be trusted at ALL TIMES.

Unfortunately we are not born wise, and must learn our lessons the hard, messy way. Lots of pain, suffering and heartache... sometimes it gets spread to those around us.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts MoonBunny.

Posted by gemtaur


And silence def doesn't indicate ignorance; more often than it it's the opposite. That's why the most ignorant are always yammering away lol

Careful what you say about them wimmen.

gemtaur... I have no doubt that you are an intelligent person with a ton of capabilities. I also know, that you will not let up until I respond to you in some way.

So here it goes...

My comments were not directed to you personally, I did comment on the difference between insight and analysis. (analysis being a word that you used) The rest were based on what MoonBunny said.

This thread is about Cancers and possible influences of what makes them the way they are. The sign tends to be misunderstood by many... I was interested in thoughts from other Cancers. Your offer to 'aid' me with my perceived problems is... interesting.

I don't have problems with my personal relationships, I HAVE in the past... but I've learned and adapted. Like most people in general benefit by learning from their experiences and mistakes.

I close myself off, yes... but only to people who have no positive influence in my life and people who WANT something from me. I get this vibe through my intuition, and it's never wrong.

Don't worry about me... and I won't worry about you.

Posted by shellshocker
Narcissists react emotionally when their ego is threatened, usually internalizing failure. Their emotional response to failure is to feel shame, as opposed to guilt felt by non-narcissists. They will avoid this emotion at all cost and externalize blame to events, situations or people.

They are overtly or subtly arrogant, vain, manipulative and greedy for admiration. They are also prone to rage or projection of emotions.

Now there is 'healthy' narcissism and 'pathological'. The healthy kind is described as having 'own love' or a strong feeling of love for 'who we are'. The ground work is set from childhood.
If it's not developed, the pathological kind can find a foot hold.

This is human nature and not distinct to any sign, but wouldn't this have more of impact to the already highly emotional Crab? When a Cancer goes against their nature and tries to deny their feelings, they can take on that narcissistic lack of interest in warm and caring interpersonal relationships. Thus, pushing people away and becoming an emotional nightmare.

idk, just ideas on Crabs Gone Bad...

I call them Camp 2 Cancers, myself.

Posted by ScorpioFish

Posted by shellshocker
Narcissists react emotionally when their ego is threatened, usually internalizing failure. Their emotional response to failure is to feel shame, as opposed to guilt felt by non-narcissists. They will avoid this emotion at all cost and externalize blame to events, situations or people.

They are overtly or subtly arrogant, vain, manipulative and greedy for admiration. They are also prone to rage or projection of emotions.

Now there is 'healthy' narcissism and 'pathological'. The healthy kind is described as having 'own love' or a strong feeling of love for 'who we are'. The ground work is set from childhood.
If it's not developed, the pathological kind can find a foot hold.

This is human nature and not distinct to any sign, but wouldn't this have more of impact to the already highly emotional Crab? When a Cancer goes against their nature and tries to deny their feelings, they can take on that narcissistic lack of interest in warm and caring interpersonal relationships. Thus, pushing people away and becoming an emotional nightmare.

idk, just ideas on Crabs Gone Bad...

I call them Camp 2 Cancers, myself.

click to expand

is Narcissist your word of the day?

I was married to a narc and my ex best friend is a narc. He's Taurus and she's Virgo. I don't think signs have anything to so with being a narc or not, and that goes for any emotional or mental problems.

Narcissism and self love are actually polar opposites. Narcissists don't love themselves contrary to appearance. They are very unhappy people who feel disempowered and that's where all the yuckiness comes with in dealing with them. It is all about them because they are so miserable. They are stuck in their own misery. Yes, I do believe the roots come from a familial deprivation of love and not over indulgence. The problem is they have jailed themselves and alienate themselves thru their negativity. I don't think Cancers are any worse than any other narcissist as it's rooted in family history not zodiac signs. What I will say is that Cancers tend to hold on to the past too tightly and that means the hurt feelings. That kind of dynamic provides fuel for a narcissist's fire. But honestly, I think more often than not, the Cancer's just having a bad hair day. We're a moody bunch.

It all sounds pretty stupid to me.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by MoonArtist
I was married to a narc and my ex best friend is a narc. He's Taurus and she's Virgo. I don't think signs have anything to so with being a narc or not, and that goes for any emotional or mental problems.

What are those two up too these days?

click to expand

Probably fucking like little earth grubs. I'm not sure...I told her several times in the last year that we were no longer friends and she would back off for a month or so and then call me, pretend to care and try to fish for information, would slip up and tell me when she had last seen him (my ex) and inevitably she would end up defending him and berating me. I finally called her out on her entire game and made it more than clear that we were NOT friends and that I was completely done with her, didn't want to hear from her and regretted ever having known her.

Sorry for that one...Me, I'm sure not in Love with myself because I'm too busy helping those less fortunate around me and I try to stay busy so I don't become miserable to a possible Narcissistic state. (Lord help me if that ever happens!) because being a feeling water sign of July 9th for me has been a journey of awakening to a world of pain and suffering, (Anybody watch the news?) There is a lot of pain and suffering going on in this world so even though I try and fight against being an emotional sponge. It's a war I cannot win. I can connect too much with the cruelty of my environment and the world for that matter.

Posted by Arielle83
Can someone explain why cancers are "misunderstood"? I don't feel this way at all.

consider your post under logic + cancer.

Posted by Arielle83
I dont feel misunderstood thats why I'm asking. I want to know why others claim we are and it cant all be related to logic and emotion because all signs are capable of expressing themselves in the same way.

Not all but a lot. Was referring to that as an example. For the cancers I know personally and myself, others tend to not listen to what we say and concentrate on our emotions. One cancer is usually accused of being withdrawn, and unable to handle criticism even when a criticism wasn't made! She isn't withdrawn she is frustrated. No one listens to her or appreciates her point of view because they are overly focused on her emotions even when she isn't . So she goes into her shell. I've noticed this pattern when her contributions make everyone else look stupid.

Woooow!
Don't remember this...

Posted by kim30

Posted by Arielle83
I dont feel misunderstood thats why I'm asking. I want to know why others claim we are and it cant all be related to logic and emotion because all signs are capable of expressing themselves in the same way.

Not all but a lot. Was referring to that as an example. For the cancers I know personally and myself, others tend to not listen to what we say and concentrate on our emotions. One cancer is usually accused of being withdrawn, and unable to handle criticism even when a criticism wasn't made! She isn't withdrawn she is frustrated. No one listens to her or appreciates her point of view because they are overly focused on her emotions even when she isn't . So she goes into her shell. I've noticed this pattern when her contributions make everyone else look stupid.

click to expand

girls girls girls... I believe that misunderstanding is mostly, cancers even with their good hearts and intentions tent to be confusing on the actions and words... not because you are mean or anything... because even for people who listen to what some of you say, but my experience is say one thing done the opposite or change your mind on the fly :-/ see my point it might not be a cancer trail itself but for the most i attribute the misunderstanding to that...

correct me if im wrong

Posted by kim30

Posted by Arielle83
I dont feel misunderstood thats why I'm asking. I want to know why others claim we are and it cant all be related to logic and emotion because all signs are capable of expressing themselves in the same way.

Not all but a lot. Was referring to that as an example. For the cancers I know personally and myself, others tend to not listen to what we say and concentrate on our emotions. One cancer is usually accused of being withdrawn, and unable to handle criticism even when a criticism wasn't made! She isn't withdrawn she is frustrated. No one listens to her or appreciates her point of view because they are overly focused on her emotions even when she isn't . So she goes into her shell. I've noticed this pattern when her contributions make everyone else look stupid.

click to expand

girls girls girls... I believe that misunderstanding is mostly, cancers even with their good hearts and intentions tent to be confusing on the actions and words... not because you are mean or anything... because even for people who listen to what some of you say, but my experience is say one thing done the opposite or change your mind on the fly :-/ see my point it might not be a cancer trail itself but for the most i attribute the misunderstanding to that...

correct me if im wrong

Narcissistic? It's Leo not Crab

I used to give a fuck. Then that ran out.

I'm a vain cancer... narcissistic no, vain yes...I think it has more to do with my sun in the first house.