SophiaGem
@SophiaGem
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 102 · Topics: 6
Confused over Cancer
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Please go into how long Yall have known one another. We need timelines here. How.long before the sweet.nothings started n wrapped up?
He sounds genuinely confused and now you are too. That's the main conundrum I see. The only way around that is to be upfront about your side (it is the only story that you can tell him anyway) and don't get carried away with your emotions. If you like him, you like him, but you said it yourself, you can't stay on hold while he figures things out. So just live your life and keep yourself immersed in the things you enjoy doing. Don't feed into it. If he comes around, great!, and if not, oh well! You can't force anyone to do anything.
Posted by Peanutbutter
Please go into how long Yall have known one another. We need timelines here. How.long before the sweet.nothings started n wrapped up?
Hi Peanutbutter
The sweet nothings and the closeness were immediate. He just kept hugging me spontaneously he stared at me alot - we laughed alot he held my hand - then I think he got that 'crabby' thing about retreating and saying he did'nt think we would work out (he has been very hurt in the past by relationships) he also opened up to me about alot of things - this is why I was so confused and hurt as I could'nt comprehend why —?? Then he text'd to ask if I was OK - did I want contact then he phoned everyday to talk and responded to my texts immediately. However I have to say at this point, there was no 'sweet nothings' coming from either of us I kept it in the FriendZone ............
When I said to him I did'nt know what it was he wanted from me - he said he did'nt know either he was F..... confused I then told him I could'nt be his friend (as I have feelings for this guy and I do want it to work) we are still in touch but not as much however recently he offered for me to use his flat when he is away on business trip and what would I like
for him to bring back for me as a gift——— Ummmmmmmmmmmm
One part of me wants to move on however the other part of me does'nt I'm quite vulnerable as my husband died just over two years ago and he is the first guy I have been with (I have had other dates but) I like him alot we were just so comfortable in each others company .................... I am trying to keep rational but my emotions swing like a pendulum ............ is he playing games with me?? OR is this the sideways crab dance thing??
x
Posted by ninjamu
He sounds genuinely confused and now you are too. That's the main conundrum I see. The only way around that is to be upfront about your side (it is the only story that you can tell him anyway) and don't get carried away with your emotions. If you like him, you like him, but you said it yourself, you can't stay on hold while he figures things out. So just live your life and keep yourself immersed in the things you enjoy doing. Don't feed into it. If he comes around, great!, and if not, oh well! You can't force anyone to do anything.
Hi Ninjamu
Confusion being the main issue - I keep asking myself why does he want to maintain contact - sometimes I think he is just using me until something better comes along. I have told him I'm not confused I know what I want but if it's not with him then it will be with someone else. Why would he say things like 'I don't want to hurt you again' is that not indicative of the fact that 'I'm not the one' .............. but then why does'nt he just disappear !! This is why I think I am just been strung along but then he will wrong foot me and say things like 'what would I like him to bring back a gift ' ........... reading most of the forum messages this seems like normal behaviour for a Cancerian. He is a terrible proacrastinator - he is typically cancerian - he is a loner - but he loves talking to me!! Never met anyone who he liked so much so quickly ........... and it goes on and on !!
People say you should work with a Cancerian it takes them ages to commit but ............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he WANT SECURITY woman. can't you see? i am in love with a cancer guy too. and recently something we weird happened.. so * welcome to the family*
he says you and him won't work out, ask how how is he so obvious about it. love him the way u want him to love you, to hold you close. would it hurt if u cared him more? i guess not. you WANT him ? then GET HIM. no BUTS.
he says you and him won't work out, ask how how is he so obvious about it. love him the way u want him to love you, to hold you close. would it hurt if u cared him more? i guess not. you WANT him ? then GET HIM. no BUTS.
Posted by Honeybees
he WANT SECURITY woman. can't you see? i am in love with a cancer guy too. and recently something we weird happened.. so * welcome to the family*
he says you and him won't work out, ask how how is he so obvious about it. love him the way u want him to love you, to hold you close. would it hurt if u cared him more? i guess not. you WANT him ? then GET HIM. no BUTS.
Obviously I can't see it and maybe I can but maybe I'm also trying to protect myself as well.
What was the 'weird' thing that happened ?? Tell me your story and experience with a Cancerian.
Thank you for welcoming me to the family xx
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by Honeybees
he WANT SECURITY woman. can't you see? i am in love with a cancer guy too. and recently something we weird happened.. so * welcome to the family*
he says you and him won't work out, ask how how is he so obvious about it. love him the way u want him to love you, to hold you close. would it hurt if u cared him more? i guess not. you WANT him ? then GET HIM. no BUTS.
Obviously I can't see it and maybe I can but maybe I'm also trying to protect myself as well.
What was the 'weird' thing that happened ?? Tell me your story and experience with a Cancerian.
Thank you for welcoming me to the family xxclick to expand
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/help-he-is-making-me-crazy-in-love-he-hugged-3477346/#3477356<BR>
this is what happened.. and one more thing. if u kept guardingu r self, you wont get him. if u want him, stop fearing 🙂
Posted by JLwhittaker
Are you gemini?
Yes I am 31st May he is 9th July how astute you are !! Can you help me please
xx
He's stringing you along. He has no intention in developing anything serious with you. Good for you for stopping him in his place at a reasonably early stage. He will waste as much of your time as you give allow him to.
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by ninjamu
He sounds genuinely confused and now you are too. That's the main conundrum I see. The only way around that is to be upfront about your side (it is the only story that you can tell him anyway) and don't get carried away with your emotions. If you like him, you like him, but you said it yourself, you can't stay on hold while he figures things out.
Hi Ninjamu
Confusion being the main issue - I keep asking myself why does he want to maintain contact - sometimes I think he is just using me until something better comes along.
Why would he say things like 'I don't want to hurt you again' is that not indicative of the fact that 'I'm not the one' .............. but then why does'nt he just disappear !!
People say you should work with a Cancerian it takes them ages to commit but ............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!click to expand
SophiaGem...
I wouldn't give to much credit to advice given by Honeybees... talk about the blind leading the blind. Listening to (Honeybees) an Aquarius who IS NOT in a relationship with a Cancer and has a history of lying, being superficial and amazingly stubborn may get you a sympathetic ear.. but not give you much insight.
Ninjamu gave you great advice!
Honestly... I think he likes you as a friend. The mental connection is there but the "love" aspect is missing. I think you have done excellent by being firm and sticking to the fact you don't want to be just friends and you don't want to be lead on.
I know it is hard and confusing but as Ninjamu said, try not to get caught up in all the "emotion". He is pulling it out of you. I don't think he can give you what you want... and partially it's true that he is getting what HE wants from you... until someone else comes along.
😢 sorry...
Posted by BommyKnocker
He's stringing you along. He has no intention in developing anything serious with you. Good for you for stopping him in his place at a reasonably early stage. He will waste as much of your time as you give allow him to.
whoa...
creepy pants
Where did that come from ??
i posted before reading your post and thought the sentiments were similar. creeped me out for a moment, lol
Ah.
I was being over sensitive, again.
Never mind, *sends complimentary hug to SS*
I was being over sensitive, again.
Never mind, *sends complimentary hug to SS*
Posted by shellshockerPosted by SophiaGemPosted by ninjamu
He sounds genuinely confused and now you are too. That's the main conundrum I see. The only way around that is to be upfront about your side (it is the only story that you can tell him anyway) and don't get carried away with your emotions. If you like him, you like him, but you said it yourself, you can't stay on hold while he figures things out.
Hi Ninjamu
Confusion being the main issue - I keep asking myself why does he want to maintain contact - sometimes I think he is just using me until something better comes along.
Why would he say things like 'I don't want to hurt you again' is that not indicative of the fact that 'I'm not the one' .............. but then why does'nt he just disappear !!
People say you should work with a Cancerian it takes them ages to commit but ............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SophiaGem...
I wouldn't give to much credit to advice given by Honeybees... talk about the blind leading the blind. Listening to (Honeybees) an Aquarius who IS NOT in a relationship with a Cancer and has a history of lying, being superficial and amazingly stubborn may get you a sympathetic ear.. but not give you much insight.
Ninjamu gave you great advice!
Honestly... I think he likes you as a friend. The mental connection is there but the "love" aspect is missing. I think you have done excellent by being firm and sticking to the fact you don't want to be just friends and you don't want to be lead on.
I know it is hard and confusing but as Ninjamu said, try not to get caught up in all the "emotion". He is pulling it out of you. I don't think he can give you what you want... and partially it's true that he is getting what HE wants from you... until someone else comes along.
😢 sorry...
click to expand
Posted by JLwhittakerPosted by SophiaGemPosted by JLwhittaker
Are you gemini?
Yes I am 31st May he is 9th July how astute you are !! Can you help me please
xx
Oh I wish :B I just saw the "gem" on your username... hahahah
OK, he's a cancer, so you'll have to be patient........
I think he likes you, but he's confused, something is bugging him, seems like something is always bugging a cancer. You don't have necessarily to know what is the problem, or it will despair or he'll go trough it.
If he is not avoiding you or running from you, he do not dislike you. He send you texts, he answers right away, these are signs that he likes you, and i guess he might regret saying it wouldn't work out.
If you are not tired already, i'd say keep talking to him, don't give up, from what I know he likes you. Ask him how it is gonna beclick to expand
He's away right now but I'm staying in his flat (he invited me I came up on Saturday great sex I asked him whilst we were making 'love' if we had a connection he said we we had a very good connection) .......... he thinks I'm an ANGEL cos I helped him so much getting ready for something he was so oi scared about about o scared abgoutht 'business trip tresed about
Don't do that.
Don't believe the single positive response in this thread because you want to believe that there is still hope.
What I do know with absolute certainty, is that he will waste your time and energy; and might never get what you want.
You're basically his fuck buddy, who never got the memo.
Stop it, walk away. You sound like a nice person, you don't deserve what's ahead in this road.
Don't believe the single positive response in this thread because you want to believe that there is still hope.
What I do know with absolute certainty, is that he will waste your time and energy; and might never get what you want.
You're basically his fuck buddy, who never got the memo.
Stop it, walk away. You sound like a nice person, you don't deserve what's ahead in this road.
ps he was so stressed about attempting to give him confidence and self belief which he is lacking in greatly and which brings out my natural nurturing instincts!! Hoqwowever I know he is holding back he has been so hurt in the past I';ve found love notes from his previosu lovers I think I need to cut a gp before he sucks me in too far as its' proclaimed if a Cancerian man loves you he shows it (so I'm accpeting crumbs like what would you like me to bring back from AmericA) HE thought about this as I am an Aromatherapist and make my own perfume which he loves) so he thought about bag size atomiser for me !! It's really not enough for me!! Before he left I overheard a conversation he was having with his sister he mentioned me!! WHICH was a surprise ..................HELPME HELPME HELME Ii've give so much of myself to him but I know i NEED to walk away with dignity !!XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Posted by BommyKnocker
Don't do that.
Don't believe the single positive response in this thread because you want to believe that there is still hope.
What I do know with absolute certainty, is that he will waste your time and energy; and might never get what you want.
You're basically his fuck buddy, who never got the memo.
Stop it, walk away. You sound like a nice person, you don't deserve what's ahead in this road.
Posted by BommyKnocker
Don't do that.
Don't believe the single positive response in this thread because you want to believe that there is still hope.
What I do know with absolute certainty, is that he will waste your time and energy; and might never get what you want.
You're basically his fuck buddy, who never got the memo.
Stop it, walk away. You sound like a nice person, you don't deserve what's ahead in this road.
Posted by SophiaGem
I';ve found love notes from his previosu lovers I think I need to cut a gp before he sucks me in too far
as its' proclaimed if a Cancerian man loves you he shows it (so I'm accpeting crumbs
oh lord...
you know what's up even.. and you are ignoring it. He's a bad Cancer for doing this to you, but you have no control over his actions.. only your own.
It is your choice whether you want to get hurt or not, I don't care how good the sex is (and I know it's good)
But then women like you come here and cry about it and ask what went wrong even though you are FULLY AWARE of what is wrong. All that sadness is hard to take!
I'm going to go hang out with the Virgos... 😢
AND he has you house sitting for him.. *facepalm*
Ok firstly I need to apologise for the typo's in my last posts (laptop kept freezing)
Just to clarify a few points
He did not ask me to flat sit - I needed to be in London and had no where to stay he offered me his flat whilst he was away - so he was being accommodating. He did'nt have to do that!! and this was post me telling him I could'nt just be his friend!!
He also told me we would talk when he got back from America.
I know he likes me alot as he had told me this
I also know that Cancerians are very slow in commiting to anyone (if the threads/topics on this site are anything to go by) his behaviour is perfectly NORMAL albeit very frustrating.
We have only know each other a short time (2 months) this is only the second time we have been together in that time.
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
He has obviously discussed me with his sister, to whom he is very close !! What does that say ??
He is very careful and protective of himself as he has been bashed around emotionally
We are extremely comfortable in each others company it's easy (if you know what I mean)
There are alot of conflicting messages on this site, which I am finding confusing. However what seems a common thread is that Cancer men are notoriously bad at commitment. They need security, they need to be nurtured, they need a strong woman who will look after them.
Just to clarify a few points
He did not ask me to flat sit - I needed to be in London and had no where to stay he offered me his flat whilst he was away - so he was being accommodating. He did'nt have to do that!! and this was post me telling him I could'nt just be his friend!!
He also told me we would talk when he got back from America.
I know he likes me alot as he had told me this
I also know that Cancerians are very slow in commiting to anyone (if the threads/topics on this site are anything to go by) his behaviour is perfectly NORMAL albeit very frustrating.
We have only know each other a short time (2 months) this is only the second time we have been together in that time.
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
He has obviously discussed me with his sister, to whom he is very close !! What does that say ??
He is very careful and protective of himself as he has been bashed around emotionally
We are extremely comfortable in each others company it's easy (if you know what I mean)
There are alot of conflicting messages on this site, which I am finding confusing. However what seems a common thread is that Cancer men are notoriously bad at commitment. They need security, they need to be nurtured, they need a strong woman who will look after them.
Ok firstly I need to apologise for the typo's in my last posts (laptop kept freezing)
Just to clarify a few points
He did not ask me to flat sit - I needed to be in London and had no where to stay he offered me his flat whilst he was away - so he was being accommodating. He did'nt have to do that!! and this was post me telling him I could'nt just be his friend!!
He also told me we would talk when he got back from America.
I know he likes me alot as he had told me this
I also know that Cancerians are very slow in commiting to anyone (if the threads/topics on this site are anything to go by) his behaviour is perfectly NORMAL albeit very frustrating.
We have only know each other a short time (2 months) this is only the second time we have been together in that time.
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
He has obviously discussed me with his sister, to whom he is very close !! What does that say ??
He is very careful and protective of himself as he has been bashed around emotionally
We are extremely comfortable in each others company it's easy (if you know what I mean)
There are alot of conflicting messages on this site, which I am finding confusing. However what seems a common thread is that Cancer men are notoriously bad at commitment. They need security, they need to be nurtured, they need a strong woman who will look after them.
Just to clarify a few points
He did not ask me to flat sit - I needed to be in London and had no where to stay he offered me his flat whilst he was away - so he was being accommodating. He did'nt have to do that!! and this was post me telling him I could'nt just be his friend!!
He also told me we would talk when he got back from America.
I know he likes me alot as he had told me this
I also know that Cancerians are very slow in commiting to anyone (if the threads/topics on this site are anything to go by) his behaviour is perfectly NORMAL albeit very frustrating.
We have only know each other a short time (2 months) this is only the second time we have been together in that time.
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
He has obviously discussed me with his sister, to whom he is very close !! What does that say ??
He is very careful and protective of himself as he has been bashed around emotionally
We are extremely comfortable in each others company it's easy (if you know what I mean)
There are alot of conflicting messages on this site, which I am finding confusing. However what seems a common thread is that Cancer men are notoriously bad at commitment. They need security, they need to be nurtured, they need a strong woman who will look after them.
Posted by SophiaGem
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
LOL! sorry... that line was funny
You obviously know better than any Cancer that has posted on your situation.. why are you here then, exactly?
Seems like things are going just great! good luck with everything...
Posted by shellshockerPosted by SophiaGem
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
LOL! sorry... that line was funny
You obviously know better than any Cancer that has posted on your situation.. why are you here then, exactly?
Seems like things are going just great! good luck with everything...click to expand
On the contrary I don't know I'm just reading all of the threads and trying to decipher the situation!!
Then listen to what they tell you.
But when you ask Cancer's for advice, and then pick out what seems to fit what you want to hear, and defend against the rest of the information provided.... that's why shellshocker was using sarcasm in saying "you obviously know better".
Note to thread: sarcasm will be lost. Keep it straight 'n narrow over here.
But when you ask Cancer's for advice, and then pick out what seems to fit what you want to hear, and defend against the rest of the information provided.... that's why shellshocker was using sarcasm in saying "you obviously know better".
Note to thread: sarcasm will be lost. Keep it straight 'n narrow over here.
Posted by deezie
Then listen to what they tell you.
But when you ask Cancer's for advice, and then pick out what seems to fit what you want to hear, and defend against the rest of the information provided.... that's why shellshocker was using sarcasm in saying "you obviously know better".
Note to thread: sarcasm will be lost. Keep it straight 'n narrow over here.
Thank you Deezie
I suppose you are right !! I am being selective in what I want to hear take onboard and believe thereby refusing to face reality of the situation. I so wanted this to work and I feel very sad and lonely about the situation.
He did say we would talk when he got back from US so I will make my decision then based on what he says
Can you clarify from me 're what Bombknocker said about 'what's ahead' also the love thing - would he have professed that already albeit that Cancerians are notoriously bad at doing this ?? I think this is my confusion
Thank you for your help infact thank you all for your help
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by deezie
Then listen to what they tell you.
But when you ask Cancer's for advice, and then pick out what seems to fit what you want to hear, and defend against the rest of the information provided.... that's why shellshocker was using sarcasm in saying "you obviously know better".
Note to thread: sarcasm will be lost. Keep it straight 'n narrow over here.
Thank you Deezie
I suppose you are right !! I am being selective in what I want to hear take onboard and believe thereby refusing to face reality of the situation. I so wanted this to work and I feel very sad and lonely about the situation.
He did say we would talk when he got back from US so I will make my decision then based on what he says
Can you clarify from me 're what Bombknocker said about 'what's ahead' also the love thing - would he have professed that already albeit that Cancerians are notoriously bad at doing this ?? I think this is my confusion
Thank you for your help infact thank you all for your helpclick to expand
Infact he may become MY FUCK BUDDY until someone better comes along
Posted by BommyKnocker
He's stringing you along. He has no intention in developing anything serious with you. Good for you for stopping him in his place at a reasonably early stage. He will waste as much of your time as you give allow him to.
Thank you for all your help I really do appreciate all your support
However I am now getting angry and I want to reverse the tables ............. can you tell me what buttons to press to really piss him off !
Posted by shellshockerPosted by SophiaGem
With hindsight perhaps I was pushing things along too quickly (simply because as a Gemini I cannot disassociate sex from love)
LOL! sorry... that line was funny
You obviously know better than any Cancer that has posted on your situation.. why are you here then, exactly?
Seems like things are going just great! good luck with everything...click to expand
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit ....... they say however I take your point on board
I've posted to Bombknocker so I'm asking you the same what buttons do I press to really piss him off as I'm angry now
and I want to turn the tables!! He is now promoted to MY fuck buddy ........ the shit !!
It's still wit. Any which way you cut it. It's not prop humour. I could go on, but I won't.
Anyway - irrelevant. I'm no Cancer but I would not advise for many reasons (maturity, karma, Cancers know exactly how to win because they know exactly where to hit people)... messing with him.
This is part of what BK was saying about "what's ahead". If BK is correct about this guys intentions. The further you get yourself involved, the more you are asking to be raked across the coals essentially. The "what's ahead" is a cyclical disaster downward, where you end up worse off than you are right now. Carry on, if you want to see what's ahead.
And I warn you, if you do anything disingenuous in action towards this guy, he will see RIGHT through it, and you'll regret it. So if you want to act like you don't care, and he's your fuck buddy... make sure it's really true - or get ready for a world of heartache. He'll play right along, but he's going to be doing exactly what he wants to do. There won't be an angle, or ulterior motive.
Best of luck!
Anyway - irrelevant. I'm no Cancer but I would not advise for many reasons (maturity, karma, Cancers know exactly how to win because they know exactly where to hit people)... messing with him.
This is part of what BK was saying about "what's ahead". If BK is correct about this guys intentions. The further you get yourself involved, the more you are asking to be raked across the coals essentially. The "what's ahead" is a cyclical disaster downward, where you end up worse off than you are right now. Carry on, if you want to see what's ahead.
And I warn you, if you do anything disingenuous in action towards this guy, he will see RIGHT through it, and you'll regret it. So if you want to act like you don't care, and he's your fuck buddy... make sure it's really true - or get ready for a world of heartache. He'll play right along, but he's going to be doing exactly what he wants to do. There won't be an angle, or ulterior motive.
Best of luck!
Posted by deezie
It's still wit. Any which way you cut it. It's not prop humour. I could go on, but I won't.
Anyway - irrelevant. I'm no Cancer but I would not advise for many reasons (maturity, karma, Cancers know exactly how to win because they know exactly where to hit people)... messing with him.
This is part of what BK was saying about "what's ahead". If BK is correct about this guys intentions. The further you get yourself involved, the more you are asking to be raked across the coals essentially. The "what's ahead" is a cyclical disaster downward, where you end up worse off than you are right now. Carry on, if you want to see what's ahead.
And I warn you, if you do anything disingenuous in action towards this guy, he will see RIGHT through it, and you'll regret it. So if you want to act like you don't care, and he's your fuck buddy... make sure it's really true - or get ready for a world of heartache. He'll play right along, but he's going to be doing exactly what he wants to do. There won't be an angle, or ulterior motive.
Best of luck!
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by deezie
It's still wit. Any which way you cut it. It's not prop humour. I could go on, but I won't.
Anyway - irrelevant. I'm no Cancer but I would not advise for many reasons (maturity, karma, Cancers know exactly how to win because they know exactly where to hit people)... messing with him.
This is part of what BK was saying about "what's ahead". If BK is correct about this guys intentions. The further you get yourself involved, the more you are asking to be raked across the coals essentially. The "what's ahead" is a cyclical disaster downward, where you end up worse off than you are right now. Carry on, if you want to see what's ahead.
And I warn you, if you do anything disingenuous in action towards this guy, he will see RIGHT through it, and you'll regret it. So if you want to act like you don't care, and he's your fuck buddy... make sure it's really true - or get ready for a world of heartache. He'll play right along, but he's going to be doing exactly what he wants to do. There won't be an angle, or ulterior motive.
Best of luck!click to expand
So basically what you are saying is 'walk away' and walk away NOW!!
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by deezie
It's still wit. Any which way you cut it. It's not prop humour. I could go on, but I won't.
Anyway - irrelevant. I'm no Cancer but I would not advise for many reasons (maturity, karma, Cancers know exactly how to win because they know exactly where to hit people)... messing with him.
This is part of what BK was saying about "what's ahead". If BK is correct about this guys intentions. The further you get yourself involved, the more you are asking to be raked across the coals essentially. The "what's ahead" is a cyclical disaster downward, where you end up worse off than you are right now. Carry on, if you want to see what's ahead.
And I warn you, if you do anything disingenuous in action towards this guy, he will see RIGHT through it, and you'll regret it. So if you want to act like you don't care, and he's your fuck buddy... make sure it's really true - or get ready for a world of heartache. He'll play right along, but he's going to be doing exactly what he wants to do. There won't be an angle, or ulterior motive.
Best of luck!click to expand
If you are not a Cancerian how do you know this ??
Posted by shellshockerPosted by SophiaGemPosted by ninjamu
He sounds genuinely confused and now you are too. That's the main conundrum I see. The only way around that is to be upfront about your side (it is the only story that you can tell him anyway) and don't get carried away with your emotions. If you like him, you like him, but you said it yourself, you can't stay on hold while he figures things out.
Hi Ninjamu
Confusion being the main issue - I keep asking myself why does he want to maintain contact - sometimes I think he is just using me until something better comes along.
Why would he say things like 'I don't want to hurt you again' is that not indicative of the fact that 'I'm not the one' .............. but then why does'nt he just disappear !!
People say you should work with a Cancerian it takes them ages to commit but ............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SophiaGem...
I wouldn't give to much credit to advice given by Honeybees... talk about the blind leading the blind. Listening to (Honeybees) an Aquarius who IS NOT in a relationship with a Cancer and has a history of lying, being superficial and amazingly stubborn may get you a sympathetic ear.. but not give you much insight.
Ninjamu gave you great advice!
Honestly... I think he likes you as a friend. The mental connection is there but the "love" aspect is missing. I think you have done excellent by being firm and sticking to the fact you don't want to be just friends and you don't want to be lead on.
I know it is hard and confusing but as Ninjamu said, try not to get caught up in all the "emotion". He is pulling it out of you. I don't think he can give you what you want... and partially it's true that he is getting what HE wants from you... until someone else comes along.
😢 sorry...
click to expand
do u mind reading my ur inbox.. thankz... and sophiagem she is right. it is better you don't take my advise coz a cancer can tell you about a cancer more better than an aquarius.i agree to her on that point. but i would be happy it u consider it still thanks
phiagem...i'm gonna break this down for you.
please note: i do not sugar coat, so don't take offense. i'm here to tell you what i think based on what you're laying down, not based on what you want to hear.
Posted by SophiaGem
OK here goes, met this guy (Cancer) great chemistry, etc., sweet nothings etc., then he told me he didn't think it would work out between us .............. I was very upset at this outcome as I assumed that we had gelled quite well he told me he had never been drawn to or liked someone so instantly as he had with me I was one of the most likable, interesting people he had ever met ........... confusing signals. We had had sex (which was entirely against my own rules) but hey ho so double whammy for me
did you:
a) sleep with him and then
b) he said it wouldn't work out
OR
did you:
a) sleep with him after he told you it
b) wouldn't work out
either way...he told you he didn't think it was going to work out. that's about as direct as a crab can get. that's your glaring signal to collect your losses and walk away. there are no questions, there are no other signs, there are no hidden meanings. crabs like to build homes, not erect a tent and take it down.
So I am now not only hurt but feeling quite cheap as well!!
if you're going to sleep with someone without having a relationship with them first, you have to be prepared for what happens next. i know of maybe 1% of the girlfriends i have in committed relationships that slept their way into one. and that goes double for sleeping with a crab before the time is nigh.
Couple of days later he contacts me by text to ask if I am OK - I said GREAT how are you?? He said he had the blues but didn't want to talk about it ........ would I like contact I said OK however I kept the conversation on a 'friendzone' level as did he - however as I liked him so much my feelings were developing even more over this period of time.click to expand
i'm confused here...why do you like someone so much that made you feel cheep and discarded? this always perplexes me when stories start off sunshine, then turn to thunder, complaints and problems, only to have the girl still pining away for this person. what did he do that affected you in such a way to continue to like him when he showed you such blatant disrespect?
CONTINUED....
More confusion - he called me everyday - he responded to my text within seconds - however I was concerned he was just stringing me (he is a loner) and I was just someone to talk to.
how can this be confusing? he asked if you'd like contact (i.e. a friendship) and you said yes. he's contacting you. how is that confusing? he's trying to be your friend, but you're reading into it because you have this glimmer of hope you can change it unless he's throwing in more than friends convos or actions. crabs are very indirect creatures. was he acting as if there was more?
a loner crab is just that: self-sufficient. sometimes it's shyness, sometimes it's a preference to self-reliance, sometimes they've been burned so bad that it pains them to allow people into their shell so they are in a constant struggle personally and reach out only when they feel that safety is there.
After much introspection and during our telephone conversation I said to him ' I don't know what it is you want from me' ............... he said he didn't know either he is confused ........... and didn't want to hurt me again - so I told him I couldn't be his friend, which upset him as he said he loves talking to me but I felt strong enough to say that I wasn't prepared to hang around whilst he sought 'clarity' as I valued myself too much and I had other offers on the table and he was holding me in a place. Finished the call by saying I maybe would call him when I was next in town !!click to expand
ok...props for laying down your boundaries by telling him that you weren't prepared to hang around while he gains clarity but you already proven that wasn't the case when you allowed him back into your life to be his friend. if you weren't capable of the friendship to begin with you shouldn't have offered it. now he's confused and hurt because he tried to be your friend (and perhaps build something) and you took it away from him because he wasn't ready to define his feelings for you (even though he had in the beginning). was there anything physical at all going on during this time that would cause you to think that he may be wanting something more??
p.s. don't ever tell a cancer you have other options...cancers are the mayors of passive aggressive town!!!
CONTINUED...
Few days later feeling sad and sorry 'AGAIN' I texted him to said I missed him terribly and I hoped he was OK ?? ........... he responded by saying he was missing me too but he was so stressed he can't think straight (workload) and probably would be like this until he returns from his business trip which is couple of weeks away - he finished text by saying he Hoped I was OK ??
*facepalm* you're all over the place here and completely inconsistent. a crab cannot feel safe with someone who's constantly testing them and being inconsistent which doesn't enable trust to be established. trust is key for crabbies!!
WTF is going on here - what should I do — Move on (which is not what I want to do) I want him, and I want to love and care for him but I have to get some clarityclick to expand
again...what is it that is so special about a guy you have to question? if someone isn't treating you the way you want and need to be treated in the beginning, they're not going to change. you're a gem...your patience will get away with you as well as your mind. typically crabs act on emotions, while gems act upon logic. in this situation it seems as if the roles are reversed since you are reacting on your emotions and being spurned where he's relying on his hurt past and being logical about approaching relationships.
when i say crabs want to build homes, i mean they want to establish roots, brick by brick. they're not just going to set up camp for a weekend to walk away to another campground the next. if you want to build something with this crab, then you go at it at his pace and not think, well, things are going smashingly so i'm gonna ask him what's up and then when he says he doesn't know, i'm gonna throw in his face that i have other options and bail. you have to be patient and consistent or you will never hail this man's heart.
Posted by wineauxisbackFew days later feeling sad and sorry 'AGAIN' I texted him to said I missed him terribly and I hoped he was OK ?? ........... he responded by saying he was missing me too but he was so stressed he can't think straight (workload) and probably would be like this until he returns from his business trip which is couple of weeks away - he finished text by saying he Hoped I was OK ??
*facepalm* you're all over the place here and completely inconsistent. a crab cannot feel safe with someone who's constantly testing them and being inconsistent which doesn't enable trust to be established. trust is key for crabbies!!
WTF is going on here - what should I do — Move on (which is not what I want to do) I want him, and I want to love and care for him but I have to get some clarity
again...what is it that is so special about a guy you have to question? if someone isn't treating you the way you want and need to be treated in the beginning, they're not going to change. you're a gem...your patience will get away with you as well as your mind. typically crabs act on emotions, while gems act upon logic. in this situation it seems as if the roles are reversed since you are reacting on your emotions and being spurned where he's relying on his hurt past and being logical about approaching relationships.
when i say crabs want to build homes, i mean they want to establish roots, brick by brick. they're not just going to set up camp for a weekend to walk away to another campground the next. if you want to build something with this crab, then you go at it at his pace and not think, well, things are going smashingly so i'm gonna ask him what's up and then when he says he doesn't know, i'm gonna throw in his face that i have other options and bail. you have to be patient and consistent or you will never hail this man's heart.click to expand
YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENCE My emotions have been swinging like a pedulum - sad, happy, mad, etc., BUT...............
Wow!! YOU are so right!! I handled the situation badly and obviously have compounded matters. I've decided not to pressure him into anything and allow things to flow at his pace!! He is away right now and he said we would talk when he gets back, however I have decided not to initiate this conversation and leave it up to him. In a way I am mentally prepare
Posted by wineauxisbackFew days later feeling sad and sorry 'AGAIN' I texted him to said I missed him terribly and I hoped he was OK ?? ........... he responded by saying he was missing me too but he was so stressed he can't think straight (workload) and probably would be like this until he returns from his business trip which is couple of weeks away - he finished text by saying he Hoped I was OK ??
*facepalm* you're all over the place here and completely inconsistent. a crab cannot feel safe with someone who's constantly testing them and being inconsistent which doesn't enable trust to be established. trust is key for crabbies!!
WTF is going on here - what should I do — Move on (which is not what I want to do) I want him, and I want to love and care for him but I have to get some clarity
again...what is it that is so special about a guy you have to question? if someone isn't treating you the way you want and need to be treated in the beginning, they're not going to change. you're a gem...your patience will get away with you as well as your mind. typically crabs act on emotions, while gems act upon logic. in this situation it seems as if the roles are reversed since you are reacting on your emotions and being spurned where he's relying on his hurt past and being logical about approaching relationships.
when i say crabs want to build homes, i mean they want to establish roots, brick by brick. they're not just going to set up camp for a weekend to walk away to another campground the next. if you want to build something with this crab, then you go at it at his pace and not think, well, things are going smashingly so i'm gonna ask him what's up and then when he says he doesn't know, i'm gonna throw in his face that i have other options and bail. you have to be patient and consistent or you will never hail this man's heart.click to expand
YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENCE My emotions have been swinging like a pedulum - sad, happy, mad, etc., BUT...............
Wow!! YOU are so right!! I handled the situation badly and obviously have compounded matters. I've decided not to pressure him into anything and allow things to flow at his pace!! He is away right now and he said we would talk when he gets back, however I have decided not to initiate this conversation and leave it up to him. In a way I am mentally prepare
Posted by wineauxisback
hey there sophiagem...i'm gonna break this down for you.
please note: i do not sugar coat, so don't take offense. i'm here to tell you what i think based on what you're laying down, not based on what you want to hear.
Posted by SophiaGem
OK here goes, met this guy (Cancer) great chemistry, etc., sweet nothings etc., then he told me he didn't think it would work out between us .............. I was very upset at this outcome as I assumed that we had gelled quite well he told me he had never been drawn to or liked someone so instantly as he had with me I was one of the most likable, interesting people he had ever met ........... confusing signals. We had had sex (which was entirely against my own rules) but hey ho so double whammy for me
did you:
a) sleep with him and then
b) he said it wouldn't work out
OR
did you:
a) sleep with him after he told you it
b) wouldn't work out
either way...he told you he didn't think it was going to work out. that's about as direct as a crab can get. that's your glaring signal to collect your losses and walk away. there are no questions, there are no other signs, there are no hidden meanings. crabs like to build homes, not erect a tent and take it down.
So I am now not only hurt but feeling quite cheap as well!!
if you're going to sleep with someone without having a relationship with them first, you have to be prepared for what happens next. i know of maybe 1% of the girlfriends i have in committed relationships that slept their way into one. and that goes double for sleeping with a crab before the time is nigh.
Couple of days later he contacts me by text to ask if I am OK - I said GREAT how are you?? He said he had the blues but didn't want to talk about it ........ would I like contact I said OK however I kept the conversation on a 'friendzone' level as did he - however as I liked him so much my feelings were developing even more over this period of time.click to expand
i'm confused here...why do you like someone so much that made you feel cheep and discarded? this always perplexes me when stories start off sunshine, then turn to thunder, complaints and problems, only to have the girl still pining away for this person. what did he do that affected you in such a way to continue
I slept with him before he told me it would'nt work out!! The situation was rather contrived on his part. However, he was incredibly affectionate, spontaneously hugging me - pulling me to him - telling me about things - his relationships (not in detail though) previously and the fact he had been bashed around. So I made assumptions. Then he told me he was confused but he never felt so drawn to someone so quickly that I was one of the most likeable people that he had ever met ....... but he did'nt think it would work out between us however that sentiment remained. After that he phoned me everyday without fail, responded to my texts immediately,then I threw a grenade in saying I could'nt be just his friend !! So we had minimum contact 'then I text him saying I missed him terribly and hoped he was ok' (Jesus who wants to be a Gemini) He said he missed me too and lets talk when we are a little stronger as he was going through a very stressful time preparing for this job - and that we would talk when he gets back from the states - so I let him have his space and we had odd tentative texts - then I needed to come to London he offered me the use of his flat and also asked me what I would like brought back from America)suggested I come on Saturday as he was leaving early Monday morning and we slept together again and made fierce passionate love at which point I asked in heightened passion if he thought we had a connection and he said YES we have a very good connection whether that be physically or other I don't know!! In order to alleviate his 'stress' I did some work to help him 'he thinks I'm an Angel' but there is a reserve there with him insomuchas he is not spontaneously cuddling me now ....... however I hugged him before he left telling him he would be 'great' and that I had every confidence in him!! He phoned me from the airport thanking me again for all my help !!
However I've emailed him whilst in states and asked if he were OK but no response ———
Contd/.......
However I've emailed him whilst in states and asked if he were OK but no response ———
Contd/.......
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by SophiaGem
With hindsight what I should have done was to continue with the friend zone and let things unfold at HIS pace, but I felt that he was maybe just stringing me along as I don't understand Cancerians however I know alot more now than I did before. My problem is - that I get conflicting messages 'he is a bad Cancer for doing this to me - He is using me as his fuck buddy - get out now!!
I know that this guy keeps holding on or in Crabspeak 'clinging' however at a distance. I keep asking myself these questions:-
1. Why did he stay in touch if was not interested?
2. Why would he care about where I stayed and invite me to his flat - FOR SEX ??
3. Why would he ask me what I would like to be brought back from the us ?? and He thought about this gift as he recommened something to me that you can't get in UK - (related to my profession as an Aromatherapist)
4. He trusts me I know and I know he likes me too ......... but does he ??
5. Why would he remain in contact with me if after my grenade re friends thing
6. He has obviously discussed me with his sister (if that means anything)
these are the questions that go round and round in my head and being a complete freak I blow hot and cold (not with him though I was very relaxed, light, helpful and joked and teased him and we laughed alot)
Should I be here when he gets back I think he is expecting to see me or should I go (how would that affect him) ??
ALL SUGGESTIONS WELCOME. Thank you x
well aren't you in a pickle! let's take the whole 'revenge' thing out of the picture and focus on zee crab. with crabs you must BREATHE. patience is not a gemini trait and can be quite a mindfuck for someone who isn't used to having to be that way...for anyone. when you want something, you want it yesterday!!!
crabbies like to be in the driver's seat in the beginning. they don't like aggressive people and they don't like to be cornered (questioned, put on the spot, attacked...etc). have you ever watched a real crab being poked with a stick? they'll either scurry off or clack those claws at you in defense!!
wait for him to contact you...you've already put yourself out there. he knows exist, you don't have to remind him 😛
crabbies love independent, strong, feminine types as they love to be nurtured and taken care of however this doesn't mean they want to be emasculated. it's a delicate balance to try and keep yourself strong yet sweet, loving yet not clingy. let him be the man. let him ask the questions. crabs 'feel', gems 'talk'. he wants to feel/sense your feelings for him and you want him to vocalize them. this is why crabs & gems have a hard time communicating.
sugar, i hate to tell you, but this is how it's going to be for awhile. give him some time and give him some room and he might just come out of his shell! but if you don't check yourself, you'll have him running back into that shell never to come out again.
crabbies like to be in the driver's seat in the beginning. they don't like aggressive people and they don't like to be cornered (questioned, put on the spot, attacked...etc). have you ever watched a real crab being poked with a stick? they'll either scurry off or clack those claws at you in defense!!
wait for him to contact you...you've already put yourself out there. he knows exist, you don't have to remind him 😛
crabbies love independent, strong, feminine types as they love to be nurtured and taken care of however this doesn't mean they want to be emasculated. it's a delicate balance to try and keep yourself strong yet sweet, loving yet not clingy. let him be the man. let him ask the questions. crabs 'feel', gems 'talk'. he wants to feel/sense your feelings for him and you want him to vocalize them. this is why crabs & gems have a hard time communicating.
sugar, i hate to tell you, but this is how it's going to be for awhile. give him some time and give him some room and he might just come out of his shell! but if you don't check yourself, you'll have him running back into that shell never to come out again.
Posted by wineauxisback
well aren't you in a pickle! let's take the whole 'revenge' thing out of the picture and focus on zee crab. with crabs you must BREATHE. patience is not a gemini trait and can be quite a mindfuck for someone who isn't used to having to be that way...for anyone. when you want something, you want it yesterday!!!
crabbies like to be in the driver's seat in the beginning. they don't like aggressive people and they don't like to be cornered (questioned, put on the spot, attacked...etc). have you ever watched a real crab being poked with a stick? they'll either scurry off or clack those claws at you in defense!!
wait for him to contact you...you've already put yourself out there. he knows exist, you don't have to remind him 😛
crabbies love independent, strong, feminine types as they love to be nurtured and taken care of however this doesn't mean they want to be emasculated. it's a delicate balance to try and keep yourself strong yet sweet, loving yet not clingy. let him be the man. let him ask the questions. crabs 'feel', gems 'talk'. he wants to feel/sense your feelings for him and you want him to vocalize them. this is why crabs & gems have a hard time communicating.
sugar, i hate to tell you, but this is how it's going to be for awhile. give him some time and give him some room and he might just come out of his shell! but if you don't check yourself, you'll have him running back into that shell never to come out again.
He just emailed apologising for not being in touch - asked if I was OK was I happy in the flat etc., BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
and I know what you are saying Wineaux I won't hassle him I'll let him lead please keep in touch with me as I value your advise I'm thinking of cooking him a nice meal on his return what do you think but I'm going to keep it light and natural and relaxed! Do you think he still likes me or is interested in me despite my attempts at sabotage. xxxxx
Posted by SophiaGemPosted by wineauxisback
well aren't you in a pickle! let's take the whole 'revenge' thing out of the picture and focus on zee crab. with crabs you must BREATHE. patience is not a gemini trait and can be quite a mindfuck for someone who isn't used to having to be that way...for anyone. when you want something, you want it yesterday!!!
crabbies like to be in the driver's seat in the beginning. they don't like aggressive people and they don't like to be cornered (questioned, put on the spot, attacked...etc). have you ever watched a real crab being poked with a stick? they'll either scurry off or clack those claws at you in defense!!
wait for him to contact you...you've already put yourself out there. he knows exist, you don't have to remind him 😛
crabbies love independent, strong, feminine types as they love to be nurtured and taken care of however this doesn't mean they want to be emasculated. it's a delicate balance to try and keep yourself strong yet sweet, loving yet not clingy. let him be the man. let him ask the questions. crabs 'feel', gems 'talk'. he wants to feel/sense your feelings for him and you want him to vocalize them. this is why crabs & gems have a hard time communicating.
sugar, i hate to tell you, but this is how it's going to be for awhile. give him some time and give him some room and he might just come out of his shell! but if you don't check yourself, you'll have him running back into that shell never to come out again.
If you can confirm that his reactions as one of like and interest in me then I WILL work with him believe me you x
He just emailed apologising for not being in touch - asked if I was OK was I happy in the flat etc., BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
and I know what you are saying Wineaux I won't hassle him I'll let him lead please keep in touch with me as I value your advise I'm thinking of cooking him a nice meal on his return what do you think but I'm going to keep it light and natural and relaxed! Do you think he still likes me or is interested in me despite my attempts at sabotage. xxxxxclick to expand
patience!!! 😛 good things come to those who wait. i think it's a lovely idea for you to cook for him. a way to a crabbyman's heart is through his stomach and don't forget dessert either!! and yes, keep it LIGHT & NATURAL. btw, i did this once...wore pears, heels & a super cute apron from anthropologie. he ended up wearing it later. ha! i can't speculate on his feelings for you as it's still touch and go with you guys for the moment. stay positive and stay consistent and pppaaaaattttiiiieeeennnnntttt.
Posted by wineauxisback
patience!!! 😛 good things come to those who wait. i think it's a lovely idea for you to cook for him. a way to a crabbyman's heart is through his stomach and don't forget dessert either!! and yes, keep it LIGHT & NATURAL. btw, i did this once...wore pears, heels & a super cute apron from anthropologie. he ended up wearing it later. ha! i can't speculate on his feelings for you as it's still touch and go with you guys for the moment. stay positive and stay consistent and pppaaaaattttiiiieeeennnnntttt.
Tarte au Citron perhaps ??
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OK here goes, met this guy (Cancer) great chemistry, etc., sweet nothings etc., then he told me he did'nt think it would work out between us .............. I was very upset at this outcome as I assumed that we had gelled quite well he told me he had never been drawn to or liked someone so instantly as he had with me I was one of the most likeable, interesting people he had ever met ........... confusing signals. We had had sex (which was entirely against my own rules) but hey ho so double whammy for me.
So I am now not only hurt but feeling quite cheap as well!!
Couple of days later he contacts me by text to ask if I am OK - I said GREAT how are you?? He said he had the blues but did'nt want to talk about it ........ would I like contact I said OK however I kept the conversation on a 'friendzone' level as did he - however as I liked him so much my feelings were developing even more over this period of time.
More confusion - he called me everyday - he responded to my text within seconds - however I was concerned he was just stringing me (he is a loner) and I was just someone to talk to. After much introspection and during our telephone conversation I said to him ' I don't know what it is you want from me' ............... he said he did'nt know either he is confused ........... and did'nt want to hurt me again - so I told him I could'nt be his friend, which upset him as he said he loves talking to me but I felt strong enough to say that I was'nt prepared to hang around whilst he sought 'clarity' as I valued myself too much and I had other offers on the table and he was holding me in a place. Finished the call by saying I maybe would call him when I was next in town !!
Few days later feeling sad and sorry 'AGAIN' I texted him to said I missed him terribly and I hoped he was OK ?? ........... he responded by saying he was missing me too but he was so stressed he can't think straight (workload) and probably would be like this until he returns from his business trip which is couple of weeks away - he finished text by saying he Hoped I was OK ??
WTF is going on here - what should I do —
Move on (which is not what I want to do) I want him, and I want to love and care for him but I have to get some clarity (we live at a distance fro