In limbo with my Cancer Man! Help!!! (Page 2)

It's a guy's nature, yes. Men are able to control it if they truly care about someone.

Posted by deezie
Yeah... I smell badness on that note... Don't lose yourself in this.
You're a well spoken, fairly self aware, nice girl. Don't be afraid to pay attention to certain things.
You need not act on it right away, but pay attention.

Where are you in Canada btw?

Yes. i have been hyper aware, that seems to be the problem, because every sort of behavior change sets alarms off in my head, like the extra texting, the going out (he used to want to spend all his time with me), the lack of affection, the missing every day breakfast. just ETC. The fact he has extra mints on him, the way he holds his phone, the way he password protects his lap top now. Too aware.

I am in toronto.

Posted by DeeGee
Oh, ok, well, if they are still together, just cook him a nice dinner, share a glass of wine or two kiss and make up...🙂

OMG i wish it were that easy.
OK what he said - is that, this situation comes up for him in every relationship, he had thought our relationship would be different, but once he gets a thought in his head, he is so stubborn he cant get rid of it.

His stubborness is waaaay out of control. WAY. he listens to no one but himself.

Posted by DeeGee

Posted by geminijunebaby

Posted by DeeGee
Oh, ok, well, if they are still together, just cook him a nice dinner, share a glass of wine or two kiss and make up...🙂

OMG i wish it were that easy.
OK what he said - is that, this situation comes up for him in every relationship, he had thought our relationship would be different, but once he gets a thought in his head, he is so stubborn he cant get rid of it.

His stubborness is waaaay out of control. WAY. he listens to no one but himself.

What the hell is this thought?

click to expand

like we can't just make up and have dinner and kiss and make up.
he's stuck in his head. he has a grudge against me and that's going to last for as long as its going to last.
The situation of him wanting to bolt comes up with him in every relationship he has been in. (well obviously i guess since he never lasted with anyone).
I would LOVE to kiss and make up with him.

Posted by DeeGee

Posted by geminijunebaby

Posted by deezie
Yeah... I smell badness on that note... Don't lose yourself in this.
You're a well spoken, fairly self aware, nice girl. Don't be afraid to pay attention to certain things.
You need not act on it right away, but pay attention.

Where are you in Canada btw?

Yes. i have been hyper aware, that seems to be the problem, because every sort of behavior change sets alarms off in my head, like the extra texting, the going out (he used to want to spend all his time with me), the lack of affection, the missing every day breakfast. just ETC. The fact he has extra mints on him, the way he holds his phone, the way he password protects his lap top now. Too aware.

I am in toronto.

So you think he may have someone else?

click to expand

I thought he did. that's why i was flipping out. Because he has a strict sleeping schedule and he was staying up past his bedtime, and texting, which is what he did when he was with me. going out to bars with cologne on, he skipped out on work for a few days too. Its so hard to NOT think he has someone else when his behavior is so odd and he did say, we are single, he can do whatever he wants. I have asked him a few times and he said there is no one.

Yikes hey guys... So I just got home... Tried to make small talk with him, he paid a little attention but otherwise seemed annoyed..I told him my new motto to stay calm, he was like, what's wrong with you? Just leave me alone...

Man I miss him so much, my heart was beating so fast while I was coming home cus I was looking forward to seeing him.

This is going to be so hard. He's just sitting there behind me, seemingly contemplating something....

Posted by geminijunebaby
Yikes hey guys... So I just got home... Tried to make small talk with him, he paid a little attention but otherwise seemed annoyed..I told him my new motto to stay calm, he was like, what's wrong with you? Just leave me alone...

Man I miss him so much, my heart was beating so fast while I was coming home cus I was looking forward to seeing him.

This is going to be so hard. He's just sitting there behind me, seemingly contemplating something....

You stated your NEW MOTTO— What is wrong with you—?

Man I don't know anymore

Posted by Theultra79
Maybe you should just write a letter explaining how you feel and everything thats bothering you. Perhaps putting it all down on paper will release some of your pent up anxiety and emotions and help you to calm down. I'm not saying you should give him the letter just yet. Actually, don't give it to him. As an air sign you feel like you need to DO something or SAY something to fix things. Being inactive is against your nature but in your circumstance, I think it's the best course of action for now at least.

Yeah! I have been writing letters to myself or to him and then sending them to myself.
Ahhhhh is that why I'm like this— Yeah I keep finding myself in a constant need to try to fix things!!! It's so irritating!!!! Like its sooo hard for me to leave things alone... I had more things written on me... I just came back from the gym so it was showing on my arm, and he saw them and was like, what are you writing on yourself why is wrong with you— But he was smiling— I DoNt knoW...

When I came home, all the stuff I had taken down, I had put back in place, like his art, his miscellaneous items, and a note he left me on the fridge saying "I love you, that's all that matters"...
This forum is going to be really important for me in the next couple of weeks so I can keep my own self control....

I think this guy is a narcissist. And I also think you should run.

All the caring Cancers in here are trying to help you and are moved by your passion for this dude; however, any man that lives with you and makes you feel as if you are alone, or are simply roommates, is an azz. What did you do that is SO bad, he gets to take advantage of the fact that you are killing *yourself* over this. Everyone here on this forum is moved by your plight, and he? Doesn't give a da*mn. Let him go. The only love in this relationship is yours. Embrace it for yourself, rebuild your self esteem and let dude go.

If he's righteous he'll come back, if not, good riddance. I don't even want to ask what the money dynamic is in this arrangement you two have...smh

Just my two cents. And yes, I'm jaded, but I still stand behind my words here. Good luck.

Mocha

Well last night i left a note to myself to remember to get dressed up for halloween at work, and he wrote on my note saying haha he should leave the (green) toothpaste he puts on his face and go out with that (errrr he's been covering his face in toothpaste lately, from dabs to a whole face cover for the zits he doesn't even have)....
He likes to communicate in notes and text...

Posted by mochacaremel
I think this guy is a narcissist. And I also think you should run.

All the caring Cancers in here are trying to help you and are moved by your passion for this dude; however, any man that lives with you and makes you feel as if you are alone, or are simply roommates, is an azz. What did you do that is SO bad, he gets to take advantage of the fact that you are killing *yourself* over this. Everyone here on this forum is moved by your plight, and he? Doesn't give a da*mn. Let him go. The only love in this relationship is yours. Embrace it for yourself, rebuild your self esteem and let dude go.

If he's righteous he'll come back, if not, good riddance. I don't even want to ask what the money dynamic is in this arrangement you two have...smh

Just my two cents. And yes, I'm jaded, but I still stand behind my words here. Good luck.

Mocha

Hello Mocha
Oh no doubt he is narcissistic, or just a plain narcissist... He's very beautiful and he knows it.
I mean money dynamics... Ok when we go out to eat, he pays for everything so household stuff I would take care of, when we took a vacation to Europe he would try to pay for everything also, he insisted. I mean the last couple of months, we hardly went out, and when we did it was from groupons or deal finds I bought, so I became more conscious of my household expenses, since I did the grocery and house shopping. He would buy stuff too but only things he needed, so he was really bad at thinking ahead, he did sometimes call me and ask me what I needed.
He was always really caring and protective of me. The last month of this hell, he still kept me in mind for food and stuff, he talks to me about things he wants to talk about.. Last week I left him alone for a few days and when he went out, he left me a note to saying he was going out, which he really didn't need to do. I mean I don't know, I hurt his feelings right? I made him doubt the security of our relationship since I kept questioning it.... I read somewhere on these forums that cancers don't think they are good enough? He said he knows I deserve to be treated better and he needs to change his personality. I said, we both need to treat each other better... As for his personality I don't think he can change but I want to see how we do now that I have a new understanding....

Posted by DeeGee
Ya can't change you're personality but you can shift you're attitude.

He sounds to complicated...I'm exhausted just reading about him.

You sound very sad and confused. Love isn't supposed to feel that way....

Toughen up kiddo....hes using you for the fringe benefits and living "La Vida Loca" on the DL......

I agree with DeeGee... the vibe to me, coming off of this situation is not a positive one.... :\
Something just seems off.

Posted by DeeGee
Water men are very fickle....most of the reason why my relationships don't work with them is because I didn't set that ground work from day one...you didn't play hard to get with him ....you let him move in and have everything all at once...now he has no respect for you.

The only way to gain that respect back is by standing you're ground and take the risk that he may or may not stay.

Game, set, match and championship...that's one of the finest pieces of advice I have seen on how to deal with a Cancer male. Holding your position is very important but do so affectionately.


I would however point one thing out about "playing hard to get", make him work but don't turn into something which involves arousing his jealousy or making him feel comparatively less to another guy. that doesn't fly. Show the appropriate amount of interest but let him know that he has to work to earn it because you are an awesome girl. Basically, YOU are the prize not him!

wow you guys. his brother and sister in law just took me off their friends list on facebook. im totally going to throw up 😢
I know he has been talking to his brother a lot about what is going on.
I mean in this situation its over then 😢

you guys i think i give up.

sweets - it's not about giving up. It's about you recognizing a situation that is not in your best interests, and moving forward for your own good.

Don't look at this as defeat. Look at it as an opportunity to do better for yourself. Like I said to you yesterday... You seem like a nice girl, with a lot to offer (wacky, crazy gem ways 'n all!). Find someone that loves that about you, truly. Not someone that will tell you to your face that he wants to be with other women, whilest living in the same house as you.
That's ludicrous!

i feel like im going to throw up.
He was the most perfect man for me, i could never have dreamed up a better guy. I am so broken.

Posted by deezie
sweets - it's not about giving up. It's about you recognizing a situation that is not in your best interests, and moving forward for your own good.

Don't look at this as defeat. Look at it as an opportunity to do better for yourself. Like I said to you yesterday... You seem like a nice girl, with a lot to offer (wacky, crazy gem ways 'n all!). Find someone that loves that about you, truly. Not someone that will tell you to your face that he wants to be with other women, whilest living in the same house as you.
That's ludicrous!

Thank you.
You're right.

He's so not... perfect for you. The limited stuff you have said about him here, is enough to see that he is not who you are wanting him to be. Please see that....
This is about accepting what is right in front of you. Not what he could be, not what you want him to be.
Who is he at this very moment? Act as if that will never change. Because likelihood is, that it won't.

Perhaps at one tiny point, he vaguely resembled something that was perfect for you.
Whatever you have in your head of him, is definitely not what has been presented about him in this thread.

Call bullshit when you see it. And then get shovelling it out of your way 🙂
You will be fine. Use your energy on you, not this guy that is not currently appreciating you.

Best of luck my dear. Truly!

Damn it DeeGee, get outta my head! Or... I need to get out of yours. hahhaha WOooo!

Well i pushed for him to leave this weekend.
I mean he has been meaning to leave anyway. All the hope i had about us staying together, in my head.

He said, for the meantime we can't be together, and maybe the future will be different.
I said, serves me right for putting my life on facebook. such a drag to delete such a beautiful part of my life.
His response. "that's life"

So i said it would be best for him to pack some stuff and just take the rest of his stuff on the weekend, because we cant sleep in the same bed, we cant be so close to each other. So now he said he will sleep on the couch.

I said that he doesnt seem like the person i once knew. That i feel like i was in a dream and now woke up, and its hard to tell believe i once mattered to him at this point.
And he proceeded to get angry and said if i continue he would delete me completely from his contacts.

Im really really sad. But this is good. i can finally get some closure.

I dont know if I will ever hear from him again. I really doubt that I will. This is what he does.

This is why Cancers and Geminis should remain friends. lol.
Because, let's be honest..
We're PB&J all day as friends. Inseparable. I don't think I've had a single argument with a Cancer friend.
But romantically? Not cute. Cancers would rather not say anything if something is bothering them. And I think for the most part, Geminis are the opposite.

Hi Friends.

No. he was amazing. a really great amazing guy who loved me 100% .
HE was caring and took care of me, he was thoughtful and sweet, and loved me greatly.
He was also moody and had a temper and very selfish.
My faults were that i stopped looking at the good and started focusing on the bad.
I can't blame him right now, he is peeved because I hurt him. He gave me all of his heart and i hurt him, i said mean things to him, i took his love for granted. I questioned his love. I think i need a lot of reassurance and that pissed him off. I think way too much. I had to be removed from the situation to see how much he meant to me and how much he did for me.
We were best friends.
Its so sad.
I know it takes Cancers a lot time to forgive, that they hold a grudge for a long time.
HE has also acknowledged that I deserved to be treated better. However, he didnt say HE needed to be treated better, just that i deserved to be treated better....

I have to learn how to forgive myself. At this point i only focus on the good things i missed and not the things he did to hurt me, so i do start wallowing in a pool of self pity.

You guys, he was so perfect for me. He is the most beautiful man (and i mean that, superficially he is incredibly model gorgeous), and funniest, strangest, most entertaining creatures I have ever met, who loved me so much. I didnt understand him. I thought he was a big insensitive brute. a monster. we used to joke that he was a monster and he laughed at that.
I want it to work so bad.

But i know i cant force anything. Time will heal i suppose.

But he really really was wonderful, until that seed of doubt was planted.


Well he took today off. I expect to see his stuff packed up when i get home today.

I will be such a mess later.

sorry i meant. he didnt say HE needed to treat ME better. just that i deserved to be treated better... but not by him... as in his words, maybe with another guy, my traits wont be so annoying, and vice versa...

Stop blaming yourself please. If this guy was truely in love hed have worked through these things with you. I mean ive been reading over your posts and nothing youve written here even remotely suggests why hes acting this way. I mean you are walking on eggshells in your own place. My goodness if u have no peace in your own house.....Hed have been been outta my stuff just as sure as all my days are long. Let him go figure out his crap at his peoples house. Hes taking advantage of you. He knows how feel about him and is milking it for all its worth. He will move on when he finds another woman to fall in love with at first sight. He would not be using up my electricity, drinking up my juice, and having me walking on eggshells...in MY OWN HOUSE.....wooooosaaaaaawwww...This relationship ended a long time ago. Hes detached and dragging his feet leaving. You deserve so much better. I hope you realize your self worth and get mad soon at the way your being treated.

Your story reads alot like mine. I met my cancer man in March. It was love at first sight. We were gf/bf the first date. We moved in together four months later. Its like you suddenly fast forward and have alot more things to take on when u make such a step. Hes moody, cranky too, the whole nine. Weve been dating like eight months now. We have gone through alot of hard issues....I mean hard. His mom passed....loss of job, he relocated, etc. One of the things that kept us together was just wanting to be together. If anything, these things brought us closer. We were able to see our differences and see how we handle and can work through these issues together. Now, him being a cancer with alot fo gemini placements...he can get mad, and then he makes up fast and we move on. I am the one who lingers and needs to talk about it and keep it alive. He recently told me," you hold onto things and gnaw on it like a bone...then u shut down on me." My point is...we are different and we understand that and we respect that. You should be able to grow together and be youself with your partner. If u wanna IM me you can.

Posted by coldwater
Your story reads alot like mine. I met my cancer man in March. It was love at first sight. We were gf/bf the first date. We moved in together four months later. Its like you suddenly fast forward and have alot more things to take on when u make such a step. Hes moody, cranky too, the whole nine. Weve been dating like eight months now. We have gone through alot of hard issues....I mean hard. His mom passed....loss of job, he relocated, etc. One of the things that kept us together was just wanting to be together. If anything, these things brought us closer. We were able to see our differences and see how we handle and can work through these issues together. Now, him being a cancer with alot fo gemini placements...he can get mad, and then he makes up fast and we move on. I am the one who lingers and needs to talk about it and keep it alive. He recently told me," you hold onto things and gnaw on it like a bone...then u shut down on me." My point is...we are different and we understand that and we respect that. You should be able to grow together and be youself with your partner. If u wanna IM me you can.

Thank you for sharing your story, right now we only see our own differences and there is no solution on how to bring them together.
I am not sure how much he wants to be with me, except he doesnt know if he wants to or not... We dont communicate that much, not about our own relationship, at least not at this point, we have communicated a lot before, but right now he is mentally and emotionally shut down. And the respect aspect, well there is not much of that right now, there is too much anger on his part. I would love to grow with my partner....

Well i came home today and he had a suitcase packed. no where to be seen tho... he had today off and all he did was pack a suitcase... I am wondering what he is going to do tomorrow, i think he has it off again since he is not home.

Here is a strange thing, which i think might be just complete mindfuckery. but On Sunday, i had taken down his art. I think it was tuesday - i was feeling positive and put back all his art back up. Last night when i came home, he had started packing away some of his souvenirs, so I took down his art again.. So when i came home today, the art, he had put back up? What gives? Why put it up when he is just going to take it down later when he moves out this weekend? I

I'm blown away by your story OP.

Partly because I'm falling for a Cancer myself and I'm scared shitless now. And because , well you are one of the most patient Gem girls I've heard of lol. Seriously I don't know why you're still letting him stay in your place.

I have to agree with the girls though, please take the advice and run like the wind. No matter what sign he is, his behavior is unacceptable. WHat you're going through right now I once experienced with a Taurus man, minus the living together part. I was so infatuated with him I acted all psycho when the high started to come down, then I "calmed down" and made excuses for him because I missed the magic we felt in the beginning, waiting and hoping he would change again. I cringe just thinking about it. I was such a mess. Completely torn. But I had to open my eyes and so do you sweety. My Taurus was completely gorgeous too, which is what made it harder to break away from him.
Take off the rose colored glasses! He was talking shit on you to his family!!! I mean, really? If he was really hurt by whatever he thought u did wrong , he should have talked to YOU about it. He's living in YOUR house! Communicating through notes, what is he 15? Seriously, Kick him to the curb!!

Have courage and take care of yourself right now! get in touch with old friends, keep busy , find new hobbies, go party , pig out, work out, cry, laugh, whatever u need to do. It will hurt for a while, but eventually he'll start fading in the background and you will feel better.
hugs

OK Guys

Update.

I came home last night and he had packed pretty much everything and left.
He left a note saying he would be back for the small things.
I think he forgot there was some of his work stuff in the laundry room.
Really, he said he took 2 car trips to bring his stuff home, he couldnt have taken the rest of the stuff.

I want my keys back. So i told him he can not have access to my life. And he needs to get the rest of his stuff this morning.
He said he cant cus 1. traffic is bad (what?). 2. he had to go bed shopping. 3. he needs his dad's van to get the rest of his stuff. (i guess he decided he is taking everything he bought for the place when we lived together, like his patio chairs)...

He said he's a loose cannon right now, he doesnt know if he's gonna stay, maybe move to south america, caribbean or whatever.

I am so broken. I just spent the morning in the same position bawling my face off.

I am so sad and hurt by this situation. I have no idea what is going on in his head. I dont want to be home when he gets his stuff and drops off the keys (he can leave it with the concierge) He said he is prob not working next week so he can do it in the day.

Thank you for all your support here guys.

I have a girlfriend coming over later, 1. to make sure i dont get fat, since everyone is telling me to eat a pizza LOL. 2. to roll me over in bed. LOL.

It hurts so much.

hello...

by reading your posts,

you are truly one amazing gal. to also have plenty of patience.... cause it hurts, painfully, to have someone walk away from your life placing thru time's effort...

by the end of the day... is you, and you only, because...
only u decide to carry love within your heart... not the hatred or any type of negative emotion taking over, around or inside your heart.. and don't ever let that take over... cause emotions take over easily... but smile, for you... cry if you need to...

sorry this is happening... I can say that people learn from mistakes if we choose to... what to do and realizing the difference between the good and the not so good, what we thought was best for us, is sitting in front of us all along, or comes along a grand opportunity, with patience on our hands, using our past mistakes and knowledge...
you are one strong woman, you are able to overcome this obstacle...

think of it as a new beginning.... there's many sweet fishes in the sea waiting to be captured... best of wishes to you... i'm sure you will do fine, by the way you spoke on your last post 🙂

—

Sorry I didn't mean to sound rude when I said, "I'm sure you will do fine," I'm sure you will handle this situation properly, is what I meant. 🙂

Hi guys!
You guys are all so kind and sweet. Thank you for supporting me through this.

I spent the weekend curled up in my bed. then curled up on my couch. watching TV and eating thai food. lol.

"by the end of the day... is you, and you only, because...
only u decide to carry love within your heart... not the hatred or any type of negative emotion taking over, around or inside your heart.. and don't ever let that take over... cause emotions take over easily... but smile, for you... cry if you need to..."

LOL. the crying is pretty sporadic ... I am feeling better that he isn't living with me anymore. The free space is great... but empty and lonely.

He still has some of his stuff at my place, so I texted him.
I am not sure if he is being cold, or just hurting in his own way. He said, don't think this is easy for him either...I told him one of my managers suggested I take a week off to go to an all inclusive by myself, and he was like, yeah that's a good idea, I did that once when i broke up with a girl, I was like... wow you go through a lot of these, and he's like, yeah it just gets easier. And I was like... I havent... I said, i feel like this because i thought he was the one for me, and he's like, "you wont feel like this when you meet another guy, and you will"... I said, If you knew it wasnt going to work out, why did you drag it out for so long, that's when he decided he didnt want to talk about it anymore, and that's the end of that conversation. He said, for the present moment, there is no future... so i asked him, why does he keep saying for the present moment? and he cut it off at that again. end of conversation.
I said, "dont regret this lol" and after a while, he responded and said he read the (heartfelt) email that i wrote him... and that's all he has to say for now.

This morning, he texted me that he couldnt pick the rest of his stuff up today. and he hopes i have a decent day.

the "present moment" stuff - I've been there. I always got the "well anything's possible".
I think when I finally got the guy cracked (cancer) - he said "I love you, I'm not IN love with you though".

He's not ready for commitment. He may never be. He gets caught up in liking the feeling of having someone close, but then once he realizes it's the end of bachelor stuff - he runs.
That's what I'm getting. He knows he can't give you what you want, without giving up what he wants/your wants don't match up right now, and may never. Find someone that can.

Posted by deezie
the "present moment" stuff - I've been there. I always got the "well anything's possible".
I think when I finally got the guy cracked (cancer) - he said "I love you, I'm not IN love with you though".

He's not ready for commitment. He may never be. He gets caught up in liking the feeling of having someone close, but then once he realizes it's the end of bachelor stuff - he runs.
That's what I'm getting. He knows he can't give you what you want, without giving up what he wants/your wants don't match up right now, and may never. Find someone that can.

yeah i was fooled SO BAD.
he keeps looking for relationships, looking for a sweet, good, girl, but he has no idea what he wants.

he just texted me saying i should have lesbian sex with one of my girlfriends, and he would come and watch.
I was like... look im not one of those girls who is so desperate who will do anything to impress you, so what you can tell your buddies, "look what i can get this stupid bitch to do".. your level of disrespect for anything meaningful we had is pathetic. but it makes things easier so thank you.


what. an. idiot.

oh dear... lol

the sad thing gemijune, there are A LOT of girls who are so desperate they will do anything to impress a guy... just look around these boards!

it could have been much, much worse for you. A water sign that doesn't know what they want can cause some serious damage to a partner. not cool

side note - this is not to defend this Cancer guys behavior... but I've been with Air signs before and The Cancer is usually the one who carries the emotions in a relationship because they understand and regulate them better. When an Air sign gets emotional, their whole world can come crashing down and it is not a contained thing. It is all over the place. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't work.. hysterics, horrible things said in anger,ultimatums, talking to every friend who will listen etc.

Then the Air sign will flit away or get over it and the Cancer is left carrying the weight of all that outpouring. Some can let it go and others will come back and "re-pay" you with the emotional overload you caused. Half jokes to take stabs at you, vague comments about the future... because honestly.. you knew this was over a long time ago but you wanted to make it work. So it got dragged out and Cancer boy had to do many, many things before you finally believed it was over.

I think he stuck around long enough for you to "get" this was the end and be ok. This probably makes no sense to you but...

I'm just saying that when I have ended friendships/relationships with non water signs... it was I who had to hold their hand while they went through all of their emotions. I took a lot out of me during these times... also knew it had to be done cause the other person just couldn't handle it.

But with other water signs... it just ended, or paused or washed away. Their emotions were "contained" and we went our separate ways and dealt with ourselves.

Posted by shellshocker
oh dear... lol

the sad thing gemijune, there are A LOT of girls who are so desperate they will do anything to impress a guy... just look around these boards!

it could have been much, much worse for you. A water sign that doesn't know what they want can cause some serious damage to a partner. not cool

side note - this is not to defend this Cancer guys behavior... but I've been with Air signs before and The Cancer is usually the one who carries the emotions in a relationship because they understand and regulate them better. When an Air sign gets emotional, their whole world can come crashing down and it is not a contained thing. It is all over the place. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't work.. hysterics, horrible things said in anger,ultimatums, talking to every friend who will listen etc.

Then the Air sign will flit away or get over it and the Cancer is left carrying the weight of all that outpouring. Some can let it go and others will come back and "re-pay" you with the emotional overload you caused. Half jokes to take stabs at you, vague comments about the future... because honestly.. you knew this was over a long time ago but you wanted to make it work. So it got dragged out and Cancer boy had to do many, many things before you finally believed it was over.

I think he stuck around long enough for you to "get" this was the end and be ok. This probably makes no sense to you but...

I'm just saying that when I have ended friendships/relationships with non water signs... it was I who had to hold their hand while they went through all of their emotions. I took a lot out of me during these times... also knew it had to be done cause the other person just couldn't handle it.

But with other water signs... it just ended, or paused or washed away. Their emotions were "contained" and we went our separate ways and dealt with ourselves.

Interesting side point ShellShocker.
I agree that during our relationship, he always said he loved me more, i was the one who was up and down with my emotions and he was very stable with them. And when i did freak out and get emotional, he was pretty calm. So i always thought he knew how to handle me. You're so right tho, towards the end, i couldnt eat, sleep, ok everything you mentioned i did. I cant do anything right now. But i am 29, this is my 2nd serious relationship. The first one,

Weird! it got cut off!

Interesting side point ShellShocker.
I agree that during our relationship, he always said he loved me more, i was the one who was up and down with my emotions and he was very stable with them. And when i did freak out and get emotional, he was pretty calm. So i always thought he knew how to handle me. You're so right tho, towards the end, i couldnt eat, sleep, ok everything you mentioned i did. I cant do anything right now. But i am 29, this is my 2nd serious relationship. The first one, i met him when i was 23, ended when i was 24... it took me to meeting my Cancer guy to get over the first guy (Libra)... Cancer guy... wouldnt take any of my emotion, he couldnt deal with it, couldnt even see me cry, i think the first time we got in a bad fight he had tears in his eyes, it was very upsetting, then the fights before this happened, he was mentally exhausted. Did i know it was long over? I was questioning my feelings for him a lot, because he was frustrating me a lot. And there were things about him, selfishness, disrespectfulness, rudeness, that bothered me.

I dont know if he stuck around long enough for me to "get" it... he said to me, he had a grudge against me and he can hold it for a very long time. then it became, he doesnt know what he wants. he didnt hold me hand through anything. He stuck around, where as he could have left in a day, which he was able to do. He ignored me pretty much the whole month, the first few weeks were normal except no touching, the last week and a half/2 weeks, I was invisible to him. I sent him a heartfelt email, if he really did love me as much as he claimed he did, then what i did would have hurt him, I told him nothing could be fixed if he stayed. So he went from saying, he would leave whenever he wanted, to just leaving.
Who knows what's going to happen.

this guy is nuts.

he just said he was kidding and apologized.

Posted by DeeGee
JUST KIDDING? WTF!!!! YOU DROVE US CRAZY, TO SAY HE WAS JUST KIDDING? HELL NO!!!

MORE LIKE TOYING WITH YOU'RE FEELINGS....WANTS TO GET A RISE OR SOMETHING...."YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG"....

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED IS, HE WEIGHED OUT HIS OPTIONS...YOU MUST BE GIVING MORE, THAN THE OTHER ONE....

wait you know im referring to his stupid text this morning about wantint to see me do the gay sex with my gf. right?

I'm not giving him anything at all. ignoring til he picks his stuff up. then more ignore. he needs to figure it out himself.

Posted by DeeGee

Posted by geminijunebaby

Posted by DeeGee
JUST KIDDING? WTF!!!! YOU DROVE US CRAZY, TO SAY HE WAS JUST KIDDING? HELL NO!!!

MORE LIKE TOYING WITH YOU'RE FEELINGS....WANTS TO GET A RISE OR SOMETHING...."YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG"....

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED IS, HE WEIGHED OUT HIS OPTIONS...YOU MUST BE GIVING MORE, THAN THE OTHER ONE....

wait you know im referring to his stupid text this morning about wantint to see me do the gay sex with my gf. right?

I'm not giving him anything at all. ignoring til he picks his stuff up. then more ignore. he needs to figure it out himself.

WHAT? NOW GAY SEX....OMG...WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU? DO YOU SEE WHY YA CAN'T JUST LET SOMEONE MOVE IN WITH YOU?

WHAT OTHER SURPRISES DOES HE HAVE? JESUS, MOTHER MARY, JOSEPH AND GOD!

click to expand

hahaha! why are you freaking out DeeGee!
There's nothing matter with me, I can't control the things that come out of his head. He is crude and stupid. LOL.
I will not do anything that compromises my own integrity. Honestly moving in together, again made sense, if things dont work out, at least i found out now, 9 months in, and not like 3 years later, or 5 years later to find out we are not compatible. So many people i know who moved in AFTER a long period of dating together, or even getting married discovered they are not compatible living together, now they are separating after 10 years of being together, and a wedding....so it is realistic to see how we handle a relationship while living together.

Anyway, I am not desperate, and I have too much self respect to let him toy me around. I do love him, which is the problem. I just keep telling myself I can not control things. If it is meant to be, but what we had was very special, everyone is telling me that they saw he made me his world, I have a problem with taking people for granted. Neither of us are perfect but we had something great... sooooooo... we'll see. I am trying to be logical right now.

The problem with jumping right into things (ie: moving in so quickly) is that it screws with levels of disclosure. It rushes it along, and may encourage things to go faster than they should.

Disclosure is how you build trust with someone. This takes time. So when you eliminate the time element, the equation becomes unbalanced and then all of a sudden there is discomfort. To say that living together after 2 months of knowing someone will garner the same results as living with someone after having taken a steady pace to get to know them, is pretty crazy. Can it happen? Yes. Is it probable? No, I don't believe so.

You can't say it is realistic to see how you handle a relationship while living together while you are concurrently building the relationship with the living together.

These are my own personal beliefs (which clearly I pretty much think is correct lol) - but people will do what they think is correct. I'm just trying to point out the other side of thinking (based in psychological thinking and human nature). I'm just confused as to how you think this way I guess. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh in any way.

*You can say it is realistic - I just don't get how you would.

Also, differences are what make the world go round. So - carry on 🙂
I'm insanely interested in how people think, and what makes them tick - which is why I'm focusing on this part instead of on the guy who isn't here to explain how he thinks, or wtf is up with him 🙂

Posted by deezie
The problem with jumping right into things (ie: moving in so quickly) is that it screws with levels of disclosure. It rushes it along, and may encourage things to go faster than they should.

Disclosure is how you build trust with someone. This takes time. So when you eliminate the time element, the equation becomes unbalanced and then all of a sudden there is discomfort. To say that living together after 2 months of knowing someone will garner the same results as living with someone after having taken a steady pace to get to know them, is pretty crazy. Can it happen? Yes. Is it probable? No, I don't believe so.

You can't say it is realistic to see how you handle a relationship while living together while you are concurrently building the relationship with the living together.

These are my own personal beliefs (which clearly I pretty much think is correct lol) - but people will do what they think is correct. I'm just trying to point out the other side of thinking (based in psychological thinking and human nature). I'm just confused as to how you think this way I guess. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh in any way.

Between him, me, his parents, and my parents, we all thought this was a good idea. lol.
Im not sure if it was that everyone was just hopeful and thought it would be a fairytale - boy meets girl. falls in love. lives happily ever after. I think between both sets of parents, they were happy we found someone, and we are both adults.. at least physiologically. lol.

I was with my first bf for 9 months and he moved in... 1 week. it didnt last 1 week. LOL.

The thing, i know a bunch of people who moved in very quick in their relationship too, who are now engaged. So, who knows what is right, i dont think there is a correct answer when it comes to relationships, everyone is different.

Yeah... that didn't help me understand at all... lol. Actually, I guess it did somewhat. Hope. It was hope. That's understandable. I guess I'm just a little more reserved about banking on hope anymore. Sometimes hope needs to take a back seat (ironically: hope taught me this!). There is no correct answer, you are right. But there is a line of improving your odds of success.

Engagement doesn't equal "success". People show you what they want you to see. So to judge anything based on what you see others doing... is also crazy in my mind.

I'm not trying to beat down and drown the upbeat Gem, I swear! 🙂

Posted by deezie
Yeah... that didn't help me understand at all... lol. Actually, I guess it did somewhat. Hope. It was hope. That's understandable. I guess I'm just a little more reserved about banking on hope anymore. Sometimes hope needs to take a back seat (ironically: hope taught me this!). There is no correct answer, you are right. But there is a line of improving your odds of success.

Engagement doesn't equal "success". People show you what they want you to see. So to judge anything based on what you see others doing... is also crazy in my mind.

I'm not trying to beat down and drown the upbeat Gem, I swear! 🙂

Haha I know.
Who's the upbeat Gem? hehe.
But you know what, I am feeling A LOT better now that he is out of house, out of my view... yeah i know at some point i will have to wash the sheets cus i just roll in his scent like a dog....
I have so much support, from my family, friends, coworkers, you guys.
I feel like each day will get better 🙂