Is this NORMAL? (Page 2)

Would you is suggestive you're woundering if the person will do whatever it is on your mind to do. Will you is straight out asking what you want done. Both are indications that you would like this person to do whatever it is that you're asking. A man is not going to tell you he is a hoe lol wish it was that easy. There's no REAL way to know that but to spend time getting to know him. Just because a man was one way with one woman doesn't meant he's going to be that way with you. In that case I would not be with my man if I based who he was by what went on with his past women. How he treats me he didn't treat them that way, why because I don't allow it. He knows not to get to thinking he's irreplacable. No this is not about right and wrong its about standards. You set the bar for how a man treats you and what he will and won't do just don't get upset when you want to change the bar and he doesn't agree to the change.

A man with children that doesnt commit to the mother is a red flag in my book as much as a man that comes towards me in a suggestive way. That either means he doesnt take having children seriously, he doesnt take establishing a family seriously, and he doesnt take his example to those children (especially boys) who will one day become fathers themselves seriously. And that's just without background in a general sense because I have a friend who was planning on marrying his babymama soon after she got pregnant only to find that she was already married.

Its not a dead end if they answer the questions correctly, I think it depends on how the question is answered. When he asked me if I would make a sex tape I said no and explained why I wouldnt, and oddly enough, he agreed that I had made a good point and has never brought it up again but did stick around to be my man. Sometimes questions are asked for answers sake and not to make some sort of subliminal hint or suggestion.

Just because you dont know any couples that made it exclusive doesnt mean they dont exist. Just trust that there are different experiences from yours.

"he agreed that I had made a good point and has never brought it up again but did stick around to be my man."

So you'll are exclusive?? Its not about my situation. No man will ever have a chance with me talking about sex porn anything along those lines if we are not in a relationship. I don't have sex with anyone I'm not in a relationship with. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. And if ask men they will tell you that if their coming at a women with sex on their minds thats all they want from her and when he finds who he wants to SERIOUSLY be with she's gone.

Asking someone "would you" doesnt mean that you WANT them to do it. "Would you rob a bank?" if the person answers honestly is a good question to judge the persons character, but it doenst mean by any means that you want them to rob a bank. "Would you marry someone you just met" doesnt mean you WANT them to marry you if you just met them but its a good way to know how impulsive or sensible someone is.

Assuming that someone wants you do to do something they ask if you WOULD do is a surefire way to misread the persons intentions. Like I said, I would ask a guy if he WOULD have a 3some, it doesnt mean by any means I want one because I would NEVER do that, but my knowing if he would or wouldnt tells me a lot about who he is.

Who said anything about having sex with him outside of a relationship? He asked me a question and I answered it. Obviously he was feeling my answer because like I said he stuck around. I never made any tape with him and I dont honestly think he ever wanted that he just wanted to know IF I would ever do it.

There are ways to find out how a person is without being disrespectful.

A guy might ask questions to find out how much milk he could get and you never know if he's looking for someone who will give the milk or someone who wont at that point in time.

Most young men will want the woman that WILL give up the milk but as they mature they will want the woman that WONT give up the milk. My guy already admitted that when he was younger he went for the party girls with everything hanging out, but now that he is older he is more or less looking for the woman that he could be proud to marry and have his children with.

SF I used not having sex without being in a relationship as an example of setting standards. If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. Which is why men do what they do because no one has any standards anymore. A man can disrespect a woman and she'll think its cute or he's really interested in her when if a man is seriously interested he's not going to degrade of disrespect you in any shape form or fashion. A man only does what he is allowed and they don't want to do no more than they have too. Its up to you to want more for yourself or settle for what they give you.

I already said that because she didnt give a word by word we dont know if he said will you, would you, or if it was more or less a joke. And I already mentioned that that situation is a different situation MsPi. What Im trying to say is more general, just because a guy asks you about "sex" doesnt mean that he already has you pegged as just someone to have sex with.

I hope yall dont seriously think that my guy asked me about making a video in the first conversation. We were friends for 7 months before we ever went out on our first date. And he wasnt standing in the nude with a video camera to his eye either, it was a conversation in which we were both asking one another questions to more or less find out where the person was.

There are plenty of young men that WANT the girl who is not giving up the milk. Thats who he makes his woman. He goes and gets milk from other chicks thats giving up the milk and even if the guy doesn't want a chick thats not giving up the milk at the end of the day he has nothing but the up most respect for her.

*******NOW MIND YOU IM NOT SAYING THAT THIS GUY WAS NOT DISRESPECTING HER, IM SAYING THAT SOMEONE ASKING YOU A QUESTION PERTAINING TO SEX DOESNT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN THAT THEY SEE YOU AS SEX OR A BOOTY CALL.*******

Being disrespected and feeling disrespected are 2 different things. I learned early in life that people feel very different about the 2. When you find someone with whom you share good conversation and a bond then you will easily know whether they are disrespecting you or not and what will disrespect them and make them them feel disrespected. Like I said early about building rapport (dictionary.com if you dont know what that means)is almost essential before you can ask certain questions or ever call people certain names. It's the difference between your homegirl calling you a bitch and a stranger on the street calling you a bitch. Its the same with these questions, with someone I know, I've known I dont mind certain questions, but a stranger better watch the blade. Some people say that's a doubLE standard, the same with a n word in the African American community, but whatever it is, it just is.

thats the point I was trying to make MsPi, context and timing has everything to do with it. That's it in a nutshell. I just dont think CL agrees with that or sees it that way, not that she has to, but yanno.

The friends for 7 months doesn't matter. It starts with the first date. It seems to me that he was already trying to let you know what kind of relationship he wanted with you. Friends with benifits and the fact that you'll are not EXLCUSIVE yet after already knowing each other 7 months prior. Doesn't seem he has being exclusive in mind.

You set the tone for how a person treats you. No one is calling me something thats degrading wether it be homegirl or not. I don't play games like that. I'm adult and you treat me with the same respect I treat you period point blank. If someone hears someone refer to you in a certain way then someone else comes along and does it there's no reason to get mad if you don't want to be called something then no one should be calling you that. Forget a double standard its a standard period. What you will and won't do that involves me.

Join in merc

merc if you're talking to a chick and its early on in the relationship and you're talking to her about sex. Are you considering a serious relationship with her or more so F*** buddy/friends with benifits??

CL, we were friends that long without being exclusive because I was in an on and off relationship and he told me that I would get tired of my ex, he would be there and he would get his chance. Its not that he didnt want more than friendship, its that it just wasnt the time for it. And when I say friends I mean we were FRIENDS, we shared conversation, jokes, experiences, feelings, ect. What we didnt share was any conversation that was disrespectful to my relationship (i.e. sex). We werent acquaintances, we were friends. Yes we are intimate even now, but that is hardly the bulk of our relationship because we really did build a rapport,as friends. One that was strong enough for him to ask me to promise to always be his friend first no matter what happens between us.

Hmm seems like you might take yourself too seriously.

lol the first date came after the friendship, let me clarify that point.

Thats what I'm saying just because you'll weren't having sex during the 7 months and now you'll are doesn't mean the relationship is anymore than it was during the 7 months. You were friends then and you're still friends now you've just added sex in the mix. But you are not his girlfriend and he's not your man. Sex does not mean relationship it means sex. Until you are exclusive then you're friends with benifits, may not sound good but it is what it is.

"Hmm seems like you might take yourself too seriously"
I take anything serious that concerns me because I'm not a joke. Do I kid and play around sure but I don't degrade or disrespect anyone in the process. Respect is earned not given.

Neither of us are seeing other people but we havent put any official titles on anything.

I dont take lightly to disrespect, but honestly Im an easygoing person and when people take things over board I let them know that with a calm demeanor. The only thing I really dont like is practical jokes and a lot of horseplaying. Im very sarcastic and witty so I dont mind someone who will joke with me or on me cuz I throw it right back. I love to laugh and its hard to insult me. I dont get mad at people I just meet for coming at me wrong because they dont know me- unless its really really overboard, then I usually just throw out a "now what if someone said that to your mother?" and keep it moving. Once I know someone the only 2 things they can do to really set me off are practical jokes or too much horseplaying (cuz then it starts to feel like physical intimidation).

How do you know he isn't seeing anyone else when you'll are not in a exclusive relationship? and please don't say because he told you. If a man was only seeing you he would have no problem with putting a title on your relationship. I don't get mad either but I let them know what they can and can't do when refering to me and if they continue then we most def have a problem.

The same reason you know your man is only seeing you

He says he's mine I say Im his, he says Im his and I say he's mine....but those arent titles.

pretty much a matter of trust and how much the other person claims you and lets you claim them, especially in public and around the fam. Have we done those things, yes ma'am.

No its not the same reason. He hasn't made you his girlfriend you'll are not exclusive so he could very well be seeing someone else which is something you should be thinking about since you'll don't have a title. A man doesn't give titles when he wants to keep his options open.

Ok. Things are open ended on my side as well. I dont have a title either and Im still only seeing him, it works both ways. I guess since Im not really pushing him for a title that means that I want to keep things open ended too? Just because something isnt doesnt mean that it absolutely is. Even married people, with titles and rings and vows arent always exclusive. Taken into the context of my relationship and our interactions I feel that we are exclusive despite a lack of titles and even more so titles only give a sense of exclusivity but dont make it so. Personally Im more than satisfied with where things are and how they are going. We're moving forward slowly and steadily. If there was no positive obvious progression then I would be worried, but there is so Im satisfied.

You're making excuses when there isn't any. It is either one way or the other. Either you are exclusive or not and you're not. If you're not pushing a title you should be how long are you going to engage in a friends with benifits relationship. Don't you feel you or worthy of being a girlfriend (having a title.)Titles bring respect set boundaries why do you think men have such a hard time with them. They know the responsability that comes along with having a title so if they don't want the responsablity they don't have to have it and they can do as they please no questions asked. Just because you are not seeing anyone doesn't mean he's not. Thats what you're choosing to do which without you being his girlfriend I don't see why you are. There's no committment set in your relationship. but if you're content with being friends with benifits then go right ahead. Like they say why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

True if thats what you HONESTLY feel.

I'm the same way too but when you come to others for advice be ready to get it how they give it and don't change it up because you're not hearing what you want to hear. It is what it is. Say what you mean and mean what you say AT ALL TIMES not only when it suits you.

Like I said, you have your opinion of what a relationship should be and what titles should be set, but I also have my own. If I didnt trust him then I wouldnt deal with him titles or no titles. I dont think titles are imperative to what we have. And I trust that he is not seeing any one else. A title will not make anyone more or less faithful than they plan on being to begin with. Im worth enjoying the company of someone who cares for me and gives me the respect I deserve, someone who is affectionate and opens up to me. Someone who shares my interests and listens when I need a shoulder. Title or no title that is who and what he is for me. You might not be satisfied being in the position that Im in, but Im satisfied in that position and I know that its more than your "friends with benefits".

and like star said thats all that matter keep doing you

CL Ive always told you that I was okay how this relationship is going because there has always been a steady progression, you're the one trying to convince me that he is just in it for sex and he is stringing me along and I should let it go. Ive never insinuated that I was doubtful about what was going on between this guy and I. And even more recently I messaged you that things were picking up very quickly for us, so I dont see any reason for you to insinuate that I would have to pretend to be satisfied with how things are going for me.

Star when a person is privatly talking to you about their relationship its on a different level than it being discussed on the open board. You don't know whats really up so you're going off of what you're reading on here trust this is not the start of this. People ask for the truth but can't handle the truth. I'm real and going to be real and not going to cut any corners.

You have expressed to me doubt. Thats why you started pming me in the first place. If things were all good and you didn't care why did even involve me?

Asking questions to get another opinion and doubt are 2 different things. There are few times where I have been doubtful, there are more times when I have been confused or didnt understand something. Even when we were talking in PM I wasnt depending on you to tell me where or how my relationship was going, I was more or less asking you what things he was doing might have meant or in what context I should put them because you are a Cancer and you are straight forward. I've never actually looked up to you as an older women knowing more about relationships because I just dont think you're that much more mature or experienced than I am. I didnt even come to you asking for advice in a "what should I do" type manner.

Star dont believe the hype, there are more detail of my relationship that she doesnt know than ones that she does know. I hit her up a couple times asked a few questions got an opinion and moved on. I hadnt talked to her in little more than a month before yesterday.

Oh excuse me, it was about 3 weeks ago before i hit her up yesterday

Oh and CL you hit me up first asking about some birthdays and talking about other people on the board.

SF you were in doubt and you came to me for a better understanding and in a what should I do manner do we need to revisit some post you made. The first thing you said when I first joined the board was that I was mature. You wouldn't have had no idea I was 25 if it wasn't listed. Don't play yourself sweetie. If you wasn't taking heat or going to take heat why did you even bother. We were talking everyday on the regular what are you talking about. Do I need to count how many messages we have between the two of us? Don't act as if it was nothing because if it was truly nothing then you wouldn't have continued to hit me up after the first pm. I'm not into playing childish games. Tricks are for kids and I'm not one.

Yeah I thought you were mature right up the point where you started making a million excuses for your own behavior

"Oh and CL you hit me up first asking about some birthdays and talking about other people on the board."

Exactly did I not once empose anything about that guy to you. You came to me with it. And yes I asked you about people on the board because you had been on the board longer than I had and I wanted to get a feel for who they were.

If you go back and read a lot of those message you will see that many of them were sharing and only a couple of them were asking for advice, and in a lot of the ones you called yourself giving advice in I didnt agree anyway and I told you that.

I'm not about to play tit for tate with you thats a childish game and I'm not a child. Continue to be content with what you have going on and don't ask me since what I say holds no water anyway. I'm not in any beef with you personally don't know you to be so get the bitter taste out your mouth if there is one.

umm you asked me when my birthday was and when his birthday was....so how exactly did I come to you about him first?

Believe me there is NO bitter taste in my mouth. I have no reason to be bitter...Google is a mug.

Ok well good you seem a bit worked up and google is a mug what does that mean?

Im not worked up I just do a bit to speak for myself.

It means that the only way I'd be bitter is if I wanted what you claim to have.

Im off to work. Yall have a pleasant night.

You have some dumb ass men out here who has no game at all and so use to dealing with skank women that they deal and appraoch all women the same,,,,,

Yeap. I agree with this comment, it is up to the woman to put her foot down and say HELL NO!

Is This Normal For Who?