Is this what Cancer man jealousy looks like? (Page 2)

Fucking is a bad intention when the other person has feelings and they don't and the fuck-er knows it.

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by Indigo1974

I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends to get to know each other, give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this. We do still kiss and make out, and we are incredibly over the top still sexually attracted to each other, but we took sex off the table because he didn’t want to make past mistakes or hurt me (it’s too emotionally intense). Anyway, because he’s acting pretty laid-back and we’re not dating or sleeping with each other in the traditional sense, a couple of incidents have really caught me off guard, and I’m curious if these are signs of the notorious cancer jealousy.

About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.

Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!

Based on this, he was joking with you both times and certainly not being rude.

To be honest, I think he's friend zoned you and he's given himself a get out clause of 'not being ready' so he can say "it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends..." and voila, that's exactly where you already are.

click to expand

I just posted an update a couple of days ago. I am definitely not in the friend zone, lol. And he actually just left my house a few minutes ago.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Indigo1974

UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 😢

it sounds more like you're offended he wasn't jealous

comedy is subjective and it was said in jest. why does someone have to apologize for your sensitivities?

drama stirring

click to expand

So from your point of you, it’s OK to just go around saying whatever you want to whoever you want without caring if it hurts them because you didn’t know? Don’t you want to know what hurts somebody so that you don’t do the same thing again?

Posted by Indigo1974

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by Indigo1974

I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends to get to know each other, give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this. We do still kiss and make out, and we are incredibly over the top still sexually attracted to each other, but we took sex off the table because he didn’t want to make past mistakes or hurt me (it’s too emotionally intense). Anyway, because he’s acting pretty laid-back and we’re not dating or sleeping with each other in the traditional sense, a couple of incidents have really caught me off guard, and I’m curious if these are signs of the notorious cancer jealousy.

About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.

Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!

Based on this, he was joking with you both times and certainly not being rude.

To be honest, I think he's friend zoned you and he's given himself a get out clause of 'not being ready' so he can say "it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends..." and voila, that's exactly where you already are.

I just posted an update a couple of days ago. I am definitely not in the friend zone, lol. And he actually just left my house a few minutes ago.

click to expand

Friend zone. Doesn't appear like you're fucking either. You're definitely not girlfriend or anything close to that. You can make all the excuses for him about him not being ready for commitment blah blah needing to heel blah blah working on being friends blah blah but if he's not asking you out, not asking you to be his girlfriend, not locking you into a relationship with him, and ensuring you're off the market by offering the girlfriend contract then you don't have anything but a bunch of hot and cold, mixed up passive aggressive, incompatible, fuck buddy potential on his terms bullshit. I read he had not initiated contact with you for two of the three months? No self respecting man worth having would leave you in any doubt about his intentions towards you.

Posted by Indigo1974

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Indigo1974

UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 😢

it sounds more like you're offended he wasn't jealous

comedy is subjective and it was said in jest. why does someone have to apologize for your sensitivities?

drama stirring

So from your point of you, it’s OK to just go around saying whatever you want to whoever you want without caring if it hurts them because you didn’t know? Don’t you want to know what hurts somebody so that you don’t do the same thing again?

click to expand

Errrr haven't you just answered your own question?

He obviously doesn't care his behaviour hurts you. Good luck chasing his dick.

Posted by Indigo1974

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Indigo1974

UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 😢

it sounds more like you're offended he wasn't jealous

comedy is subjective and it was said in jest. why does someone have to apologize for your sensitivities?

drama stirring

So from your point of you, it’s OK to just go around saying whatever you want to whoever you want without caring if it hurts them because you didn’t know? Don’t you want to know what hurts somebody so that you don’t do the same thing again?

click to expand

Don’t make this personal with a poster.

He isn’t responsible for your reaction. You are responsible for your reaction. The difference is intent. His intent isn’t malicious, but you’re choosing to make a big deal about it.

If someone having a different sense of humour, hurts you, you are free to move on. You’re expecting someone to change who they are because you’re choosing to see something that isn’t there.

Cancer usually have a dry sense of humour. But, you seem to want him to be jealous instead.