@Indigo1974
4 Years
Is this what Cancer man jealousy looks like?
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First incident he was being protective.
Second incident he was being cheeky and sarcastic.
You’re looking for problems. Do you get off on provoking male jealousy?
It sounds like you’re trying to plant the drama seed.
never seen it, don't wanna see it. displays of jealousy both irritates and worries me. men will move for self-protection and ego even without concrete grounds. stupidity ensues.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
LOL - she's Libra. Surprise!
To be fair you brought up the other men in both scenarios. If I were dating a man and he constantly brought up other women I would wonder if he was trying to friend zone me. Especially given that he seems to have baggage and commitment issues.
I don't see it that way at all! And if I was the OP I'd step on his shit HARD. He's acting like an ass when it was him who called for this arrangement. My reaction? Not funny and not appreciated. And he's certainly not even acting like a FRIEND at this point.
You are being FAR too nice to this guy. Dickmatized..........smh..........
I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends...give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this....
And so it begins. Good luck.
No.....she complained about her lack of disability accommodations and was joking how they might send up "Larry the Cable Guy". That's hardly a reason for him to react like that. And she commented on the musician's age and he started in on her by asking if he had muscles. I mean, really..........? She cannot comment in any way on anything that has to do with a man because it's triggering this guy? That's not ok.
To me "brings up another man" is like.......ooooooohhh....lookie HIM! I mean this is just innocent conversation and the guy is acting like a douche.
Dxpers suggesting that a woman who mentions men (aka half of the population) working in her sight deserves to be subjected to abuse by a man she used to date are seriously deluded.
First incident he was being protective.
Second incident he was being cheeky and sarcastic.
You’re looking for problems. Do you get off on provoking male jealousy?
It sounds like you’re trying to plant the drama seed.
Goodness, no! The first time I was just joking around. The second time was totally legit. He is a bass player and occasionally plays with that band. I’m good friends with the lead singer. It seemed totally normal for me to comment on the person that he occasionally stands in for with the band. I never imagined I would provoke such a response in either case.
I think you're fabricating things that are not there. He just wants to work on the friendship, take his word for it.
If you're bringing up men as an incentive, that's not going to work and you'll only push him away further.
If his situation is a wonky offer to you, I'd suggest you move on and be really friends instead of this half-half stuff.
But I don’t understand how this is “bringing up other men.“. In the first case, it was not even a real person and just a joke. In the second case, it was literally just conversation about somebody he knows and commenting on their age.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
To be fair you brought up the other men in both scenarios. If I were dating a man and he constantly brought up other women I would wonder if he was trying to friend zone me. Especially given that he seems to have baggage and commitment issues.
I don't see it that way at all! And if I was the OP I'd step on his shit HARD. He's acting like an ass when it was him who called for this arrangement. My reaction? Not funny and not appreciated. And he's certainly not even acting like a FRIEND at this point.
You are being FAR too nice to this guy. Dickmatized..........smh..........
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Thank you! It wasn’t even a real person I was joking about the first time, and I was only commenting on someone’s age the second time. I don’t even understand how that’s “bringing up another man” when it’s literally somebody he knows and that he stands in for in a band where I’m friends with two of the players. I really don’t think that saying, wow, he’s pretty young for playing in that band is provocative or flirty.
Dxpers suggesting that a woman who mentions men (aka half of the population) working in her sight deserves to be subjected to abuse by a man she used to date are seriously deluded.
You said yourself it’s her attempting to flirt. So is she just casually chatting about her day or is she flirting by intentionally bringing up other men?
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So what...? Is she not allowed to do both? Talk about her day and use some humour/banter?
I think you're fabricating things that are not there. He just wants to work on the friendship, take his word for it.
If you're bringing up men as an incentive, that's not going to work and you'll only push him away further.
If his situation is a wonky offer to you, I'd suggest you move on and be really friends instead of this half-half stuff.
But I don’t understand how this is “bringing up other men.“. In the first case, it was not even a real person and just a joke. In the second case, it was literally just conversation about somebody he knows and commenting on their age.
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He was joking back
Dxpers suggesting that a woman who mentions men (aka half of the population) working in her sight deserves to be subjected to abuse by a man she used to date are seriously deluded.
You said yourself it’s her attempting to flirt. So is she just casually chatting about her day or is she flirting by intentionally bringing up other men?
So what...? Is she not allowed to do both? Talk about her day and use some humour/banter?
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And the first incident was just joking around, and the second was just commenting on a man’s AGE. How is that flirting or provocative? Can I no longer comment on anything objective without an opinion about a man? Like a silly pattern of a shirt, a crazy hair style , his shoes? Because apparently commenting on their age is off-limits.
I think you're fabricating things that are not there. He just wants to work on the friendship, take his word for it.
If you're bringing up men as an incentive, that's not going to work and you'll only push him away further.
If his situation is a wonky offer to you, I'd suggest you move on and be really friends instead of this half-half stuff.
But I don’t understand how this is “bringing up other men.“. In the first case, it was not even a real person and just a joke. In the second case, it was literally just conversation about somebody he knows and commenting on their age.
He was joking back
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So commenting on a man’s age is justification for Cancer rudely insinuating that I was checking this guy out and maybe I’d be interested in dating him when Cancer knows I’m only interested in him? And he’s the one who’s intentionally keeping me at friend’s length even though we’re both desperate to physically be with each other. This was his idea because he’s not ready to be a good boyfriend, not mine.
Dxpers suggesting that a woman who mentions men (aka half of the population) working in her sight deserves to be subjected to abuse by a man she used to date are seriously deluded.
You said yourself it’s her attempting to flirt. So is she just casually chatting about her day or is she flirting by intentionally bringing up other men?
So what...? Is she not allowed to do both? Talk about her day and use some humour/banter?
And the first incident was just joking around, and the second was just commenting on a man’s AGE. How is that flirting or provocative? Can I no longer comment on anything objective without an opinion about a man? Like a silly pattern of a shirt, a crazy hair style , his shoes? Because apparently commenting on their age is off-limits.
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When men start berating women about their behaviour
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
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Haha! that IS close.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
click to expand
If you’re a Libra with Aqua moon, save your time for an air or earth sign. Cancers can be pretty insecure. One of the cancer dudes I was interested in would get obnoxiously overprotective every time I spoke to another man, as if the next guy was ready to bite me. I wasn’t even dating him. We just liked each other. I called it off all together because I don’t even wanna see the big picture. Besides jealousy like theirs is all cute and nice in the beginning, for like one week. After that, it’s just plain intrusive.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
If you’re a Libra with Aqua moon, save your time for an air or earth sign. Cancers can be pretty insecure. One of the cancer dudes I was interested in would get obnoxiously overprotective every time I spoke to another man, as if the next guy was ready to bite me. I wasn’t even dating him. We just liked each other. I called it off all together because I don’t even wanna see the big picture. Besides jealousy like theirs is all cute and nice in the beginning, for like one week. After that, it’s just plain intrusive.
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Believe me, I’ve thought about all the different ways that this will not end well. We’re just so compatible in so many ways, and especially in the bedroom. It is really hard to walk away from sex that good, lol. Plus, at my age of 47 and being a wheelchair user, I really don’t have too many options here. I know that’s a crappy excuse for putting up with someone’s BS, but at my age in my situation, it’s just a reality. You put up with a lot more than you think you would in your 20s.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
If you’re a Libra with Aqua moon, save your time for an air or earth sign. Cancers can be pretty insecure. One of the cancer dudes I was interested in would get obnoxiously overprotective every time I spoke to another man, as if the next guy was ready to bite me. I wasn’t even dating him. We just liked each other. I called it off all together because I don’t even wanna see the big picture. Besides jealousy like theirs is all cute and nice in the beginning, for like one week. After that, it’s just plain intrusive.
Believe me, I’ve thought about all the different ways that this will not end well. We’re just so compatible in so many ways, and especially in the bedroom. It is really hard to walk away from sex that good, lol. Plus, at my age of 47 and being a wheelchair user, I really don’t have too many options here. I know that’s a crappy excuse for putting up with someone’s BS, but at my age in my situation, it’s just a reality. You put up with a lot more than you think you would in your 20s.
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You make a common mistake for women over 40, thinking that sex will always play a major role in your life. FAR FROM IT. Not only that sex takes only a small percentage of your life, but the female libido falls off a cliff after the menopause. You'll soon find it quite convenient that most men over 50 have ED! Maybe the reason your Cancer started to deny you sex, was that his Viagra stash temporarily run out. Or he's afraid he could not repeat his novelty-based "stellar" performance next time, and would do better with a woman who is less sexual than you are in the future...
What really matters is being with someone who allows you to be yourself. Who enjoys similar things in life. Has a similar sense of humour, so you could laugh at each others jokes. Doesn't stop you from doing things you enjoy. Doesn't get petty with you. Doesn't get offended easily, accuses or criticises you for things many would consider normal. Pulls his weight in the daily life. Gives and takes in the same measure.
^^^ THIS!!!
I had a similar (thankfully brief) experience with a Cancer guy and the sex was G-R-E-A-T. And I learned my lesson. Sex is not love. It was so passionate that I was literally blind to the fact that he was interested only in that. I gathered the little crumbs of time and affection that he tossed my way and thought if it was that good for me and I was feeling all these feels, then SURELY he must be, too. Wrong!
I put up with all sorts of his nonsense because I couldn't wait for our next romp. Dickmatized. Haha! He offered me an FWB and I just said sorry, no but I have more respect for myself and you for that. (I think I was lying about the "you" part to him but I did want him to feel like shit....so.....) And I left that gorgeous dick in the rear-view.
Maybe someone else would have been happy with that. Maybe you will be happy with what you get from him. You're gonna have to be because sister, he has all the "power" now. I see you repeating my mistakes and your ending won't be pretty. If you want the sex to continue, then by all means - do it! But it's gonna come at a price.
I had a similar (thankfully brief) experience with a Cancer guy and the sex was G-R-E-A-T. And I learned my lesson. Sex is not love. It was so passionate that I was literally blind to the fact that he was interested only in that. I gathered the little crumbs of time and affection that he tossed my way and thought if it was that good for me and I was feeling all these feels, then SURELY he must be, too. Wrong!
I put up with all sorts of his nonsense because I couldn't wait for our next romp. Dickmatized. Haha! He offered me an FWB and I just said sorry, no but I have more respect for myself and you for that. (I think I was lying about the "you" part to him but I did want him to feel like shit....so.....) And I left that gorgeous dick in the rear-view.
Maybe someone else would have been happy with that. Maybe you will be happy with what you get from him. You're gonna have to be because sister, he has all the "power" now. I see you repeating my mistakes and your ending won't be pretty. If you want the sex to continue, then by all means - do it! But it's gonna come at a price.
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
If you’re a Libra with Aqua moon, save your time for an air or earth sign. Cancers can be pretty insecure. One of the cancer dudes I was interested in would get obnoxiously overprotective every time I spoke to another man, as if the next guy was ready to bite me. I wasn’t even dating him. We just liked each other. I called it off all together because I don’t even wanna see the big picture. Besides jealousy like theirs is all cute and nice in the beginning, for like one week. After that, it’s just plain intrusive.
Believe me, I’ve thought about all the different ways that this will not end well. We’re just so compatible in so many ways, and especially in the bedroom. It is really hard to walk away from sex that good, lol. Plus, at my age of 47 and being a wheelchair user, I really don’t have too many options here. I know that’s a crappy excuse for putting up with someone’s BS, but at my age in my situation, it’s just a reality. You put up with a lot more than you think you would in your 20s.
You make a common mistake for women over 40, thinking that sex will always play a major role in your life. FAR FROM IT. Not only that sex takes only a small percentage of your life, but the female libido falls off a cliff after the menopause. You'll soon find it quite convenient that most men over 50 have ED! Maybe the reason your Cancer started to deny you sex, was that his Viagra stash temporarily run out. Or he's afraid he could not repeat his novelty-based "stellar" performance next time, and would do better with a woman who is less sexual than you are in the future...
What really matters is being with someone who allows you to be yourself. Who enjoys similar things in life. Has a similar sense of humour, so you could laugh at each others jokes. Doesn't stop you from doing things you enjoy. Doesn't get petty with you. Doesn't get offended easily, accuses or criticises you for things many would consider normal. Pulls his weight in the daily life. Gives and takes in the same measure.
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The first paragraph makes me sad if this is true 😭
@Indigo1974 - the last time we had sex, after his "offer" it was like the magic of it was gone. I didn't feel the same, the sex didn't feel the same. I'm a Cancer moon and I have to have you body and SOUL. At that point, it was easy to let him go.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
If you’re a Libra with Aqua moon, save your time for an air or earth sign. Cancers can be pretty insecure. One of the cancer dudes I was interested in would get obnoxiously overprotective every time I spoke to another man, as if the next guy was ready to bite me. I wasn’t even dating him. We just liked each other. I called it off all together because I don’t even wanna see the big picture. Besides jealousy like theirs is all cute and nice in the beginning, for like one week. After that, it’s just plain intrusive.
Believe me, I’ve thought about all the different ways that this will not end well. We’re just so compatible in so many ways, and especially in the bedroom. It is really hard to walk away from sex that good, lol. Plus, at my age of 47 and being a wheelchair user, I really don’t have too many options here. I know that’s a crappy excuse for putting up with someone’s BS, but at my age in my situation, it’s just a reality. You put up with a lot more than you think you would in your 20s.
You make a common mistake for women over 40, thinking that sex will always play a major role in your life. FAR FROM IT. Not only that sex takes only a small percentage of your life, but the female libido falls off a cliff after the menopause. You'll soon find it quite convenient that most men over 50 have ED! Maybe the reason your Cancer started to deny you sex, was that his Viagra stash temporarily run out. Or he's afraid he could not repeat his novelty-based "stellar" performance next time, and would do better with a woman who is less sexual than you are in the future...
What really matters is being with someone who allows you to be yourself. Who enjoys similar things in life. Has a similar sense of humour, so you could laugh at each others jokes. Doesn't stop you from doing things you enjoy. Doesn't get petty with you. Doesn't get offended easily, accuses or criticises you for things many would consider normal. Pulls his weight in the daily life. Gives and takes in the same measure.
The first paragraph makes me sad if this is true 😭
It'a well known fact, but mainly about the libido. The ability to have sex, masturbate or orgasm are largely unaffected (for women).
UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 😢
Good for you! That's taking control. Now - observe and see if his actions line up with his words from now on.
Good for you! That's taking control. Now - observe and see if his actions line up with his words from now on.
I’m breaking it off. All of it. He’s not putting in the effort and doesn’t seem to be interested in spending that much time with me, yet he pulls this jealous passive aggressive stuff. He says he wants me in his life, stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking, tells me how much he loves spending time with me, but I can’t be in his life at all if he doesn’t show interest or effort in being in mine. It’s confusing and unfair. I can’t do it anymore. I’m amazed I made it three months before hitting the breaking point.
His actions tell you everything there is to know. I was afraid it was going to go this route. So sorry this happened to you because I know how much this hurts. You were in it with your heart and he with his dick. If he REALLY wants you, he knows how to find you and how to get you. There is nothing more you can do here other than to learn and move on. You sound like a beautiful spirit and I know someone out there will appreciate you for who you are.
One of my favorite quotes from "Juno" - “In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.”
Look for THAT person!
Good for you! That's taking control. Now - observe and see if his actions line up with his words from now on.
I’m breaking it off. All of it. He’s not putting in the effort and doesn’t seem to be interested in spending that much time with me, yet he pulls this jealous passive aggressive stuff. He says he wants me in his life, stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking, tells me how much he loves spending time with me, but I can’t be in his life at all if he doesn’t show interest or effort in being in mine. It’s confusing and unfair. I can’t do it anymore. I’m amazed I made it three months before hitting the breaking point.
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Good for you! Being friendzoned with feelings still sucks. Maybe you can be friends again if the feelings subside.
And here is some unsolicited friendly advice- hopefully it doesn't get taken out of context- it is friendly-
When you are being triggered in new relationships, let the guy know how it makes you feel- " I don't like feeling belittled" "I don't being teased"
Try and leave what your ex did out of it- just make it about you instead and how it makes you feel with nothing attached.
Psychologically attaching your ex to some things can almost set a precedent for what a man is able to get away with, it ends up being like some weird sort of reverse psychology and can become a game to some men on pushing boundaries because the previous guy got away with it.
It's doesn't hold the same value of him disrespecting you- it's more of like a competitive value instead. Because it ends up being about the ex instead of you.
Hopefully you can understand what I'm saying, I'm not trying to attack you about letting the guy know of things that didn't work for you in the past. Just stating my opinion on the delivery of it.
Take it with a grain of salt if it doesn't make much sense to you 🙂
His actions tell you everything there is to know. I was afraid it was going to go this route. So sorry this happened to you because I know how much this hurts. You were in it with your heart and he with his dick. If he REALLY wants you, he knows how to find you and how to get you. There is nothing more you can do here other than to learn and move on. You sound like a beautiful spirit and I know someone out there will appreciate you for who you are.
Thank you. 🙂 ❤️
In hindsight, I think you were the insecure one and you initially tried to get a reaction to see if he’d get jealous.
Now that you know he teases women about younger guys, you don’t feel that special.
You want more and he isn’t giving it so you tried to make him jealous or see if it’s true about cancers.
You wanted him more than he wanted you, so now you’re running it off and ending it
Big ego
In hindsight, I think you were the insecure one and you initially tried to get a reaction to see if he’d get jealous.
Now that you know he teases women about younger guys, you don’t feel that special.
You want more and he isn’t giving it so you tried to make him jealous or see if it’s true about cancers.
You wanted him more than he wanted you, so now you’re running it off and ending it
Big ego
You clearly haven’t read anything I’ve written. If I really wanted to make him jealous, do you think I would do it simply by mentioning a man’s age? If I was trying to make him jealous on purpose, I have 100 different ways of doing that more effectively. And I’m ending it because he’s not doing his part to develop a friendship that he said he wanted
In hindsight, I think you were the insecure one and you initially tried to get a reaction to see if he’d get jealous.
Now that you know he teases women about younger guys, you don’t feel that special.
You want more and he isn’t giving it so you tried to make him jealous or see if it’s true about cancers.
You wanted him more than he wanted you, so now you’re running it off and ending it
Big ego
You clearly haven’t read anything I’ve written. If I really wanted to make him jealous, do you think I would do it simply by mentioning a man’s age? If I was trying to make him jealous on purpose, I have 100 different ways of doing that more effectively. And I’m ending it because he’s not doing his part to develop a friendship that he said he wanted
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Yep read your thread.
What you have is called denial.
The fact that you said “I have 100 different ways of doing that more effectively”, just outed your actual character.
Basically I’m not buying your “oh poor me he’s jealous” bs when you are looking for a reaction for the attention you see drifting away.
To grow as a person, you have to start looking at yourself authentically.
In hindsight, I think you were the insecure one and you initially tried to get a reaction to see if he’d get jealous.
Now that you know he teases women about younger guys, you don’t feel that special.
You want more and he isn’t giving it so you tried to make him jealous or see if it’s true about cancers.
You wanted him more than he wanted you, so now you’re running it off and ending it
Big ego
You clearly haven’t read anything I’ve written. If I really wanted to make him jealous, do you think I would do it simply by mentioning a man’s age? If I was trying to make him jealous on purpose, I have 100 different ways of doing that more effectively. And I’m ending it because he’s not doing his part to develop a friendship that he said he wanted
Yep read your thread.
What you have is called denial.
The fact that you said “I have 100 different ways of doing that more effectively”, just outed your actual character.
Basically I’m not buying your “oh poor me he’s jealous” bs when you are looking for a reaction for the attention you see drifting away.
To grow as a person, you have to start looking at yourself authentically.
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If you find out that someone knows 100 possible ways of killing someone.....will you be calling the cops on them? 😄
Learn the difference between knowledge and intention. Between knowledge and action. In your mind, there is no difference, is it? Maybe you have such poor self control, that you are attempting to do everything that crosses your mind, as soon as it does? How many times have you been jailed already?
@Indigo1974 - ok, I'm gonna ask it. I saw on the Gemini Forum you were with a Gem around the exact same time as this Cancer. What's going on??
@Indigo1974 - ok, I'm gonna ask it. I saw on the Gemini Forum you were with a Gem around the exact same time as this Cancer. What's going on??
@Indigo1974 - ok, I'm gonna ask it. I saw on the Gemini Forum you were with a Gem around the exact same time as this Cancer. What's going on??
I went out on a couple of dates with a Gemini right before I ran into cancer man, who like I said I’ve known for almost 5 years. The Gemini man ghosted me so I never heard back from him after I started dating cancer man.
I think the OP really liked the cancer man.
That’s all I’m saying
It was just eerily similar to how things went down with the Cancer. Sex was amazing but he was not giving you time or attention. You are getting used by these dudes and have to get a better system on vetting out who you are gonna sleep with and when. Guys are really good at acting like they have good intentions when they just wanna fuck. Make things a little difficult for them and see who falls away and who stays by you.
UPDATE: OK. So, 24 hours prior to my intent to break it off completely with cancer man Thursday night, I decided to call one of my closest friends who I remembered is also a Cancer. She and I spoke for hours. I told her everything, and she encouraged me to stick it out for a little bit longer and just see how the evening went with him before dropping the hammer. She recognized so many things about what was happening with us in her own relationships, so she was really able to understand what was going on.
So this past Thursday was four full days of no contact with him. We worked on a project together, so I sent him some files that morning and that was it. No personal note, no text message, nothing. That evening he sent me a text first, for the first time in probably two months, lol. It was pretty simple and I sent him a simple response, but then he continued the conversation. As I mentioned, he’s been stalking my Instagram stories and knew that I was going out to the bar where we often hang out that night after the museum I was at.
I arrived at the bar around 10 PM and he was already there. I was wearing a pretty sexy outfit in the Instagram story, and he about lost his shit when he saw me in it in person. All over me, very affectionate. The Whole night it was attention nonstop, and apparently the dirty talk moratorium was lifted without sending me a memo. All night was nothing but dirty talk, flirting, touching. No kissing, but everybody in that bar (filled with our mutual friends) knew that we were together, I promise you. He was also talking to me about work, about stuff he wants to do music wise, just all sorts of stuff. Total word vomit, lol.
We closed out the bar (we were both sober) and he went with me to my wheelchair van to say good night, where he proceeded to adore and worship me for an hour during the most intense make out session I think I’ve ever had. And he was verbally emotional, OMG. First time since we started dating. Like, he actually expressed feelings out loud. I still can’t believe it. We both finally left, and he wanted me to text him when I get home. Then we proceeded to sext for another half hour, dirty photos, you name it. Mind you, this is something he has not wanted to do for probably two months.
I told my cancer friend all about this, and we both agreed that he was probably going to back off and need time to process and I probably wouldn’t hear from him for a few days. Well, I got a text message from him at 10:30 AM the next morning even though we both went to bed probably around 4 AM the night before. I was floored. Started out innocent, then quickly moved to a sext conversation for another half hour, continued to text me throughout the day. I sent him a quick text this afternoon just to see how his workday was yesterday, and he continued the conversation, not me.
So, here I am. I’m going to continue to stay in the backseat and see what he does. I will not be making any plans and will let him take the initiative for when he wants to see me again. But I really think we’ve had a good (and unexpected) turning point. 🙂
UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 😢
it sounds more like you're offended he wasn't jealous
comedy is subjective and it was said in jest. why does someone have to apologize for your sensitivities?
drama stirring
UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 😢
it sounds more like you're offended he wasn't jealous
comedy is subjective and it was said in jest. why does someone have to apologize for your sensitivities?
drama stirring
click to expand
Finally someone saw what I saw.
Well that is an interesting turn of events! Is this the first time I'm hearing he is also a work colleague? So this is someone you can't get away from if things go bad again?
I hope things continue along this line or someone is going to have to dust off their resume.
Well that is an interesting turn of events! Is this the first time I'm hearing he is also a work colleague? So this is someone you can't get away from if things go bad again?
I hope things continue along this line or someone is going to have to dust off their resume.
No, I have a media production company and so does he. I’m a brand ambassador for the company that makes my wheelchair, and he took some video of me to help promote one of their chairs. They liked it so much that they’re going to offer him some work. We’re both independent contractors so it’s not like we work together in an office; we both work from home.
I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends to get to know each other, give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this. We do still kiss and make out, and we are incredibly over the top still sexually attracted to each other, but we took sex off the table because he didn’t want to make past mistakes or hurt me (it’s too emotionally intense). Anyway, because he’s acting pretty laid-back and we’re not dating or sleeping with each other in the traditional sense, a couple of incidents have really caught me off guard, and I’m curious if these are signs of the notorious cancer jealousy.
About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.
Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!
Based on this, he was joking with you both times and certainly not being rude.
To be honest, I think he's friend zoned you and he's given himself a get out clause of 'not being ready' so he can say "it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends..." and voila, that's exactly where you already are.
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I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends to get to know each other, give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this. We do still kiss and make out, and we are incredibly over the top still sexually attracted to each other, but we took sex off the table because he didn’t want to make past mistakes or hurt me (it’s too emotionally intense). Anyway, because he’s acting pretty laid-back and we’re not dating or sleeping with each other in the traditional sense, a couple of incidents have really caught me off guard, and I’m curious if these are signs of the notorious cancer jealousy.
About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.
Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!