OKAY WTF— (Page 2)

🙂 OKAY, WILL DO!!!!!!!!!! im stronger now tha i was before, so i will be able to do this now.. thankyou for your advice!!!!!!

think he will call me?

i care for him alot, but no hes not givin me what he needs, theres a wall there, he let it down once uponn a time, but tis back up and i dont think its ever coming down.

sry, what i need

I can think of three possibilities:
1] like ILUVMECANCER said [which I was also going to say until I read her psot anyway] it could have been someone else like a girlfriend - and she said "I really feel it is someone else" when my cancer friend says she "feels" something she is ALWAYS right .

2] maybe he meant to send it to someone else
3] maybe he HAD a girlfriend and they got in a fight about him talking to you and he sent that just to make her happy - that may not have ended the fight and they may have decided to call it quits....that would explain why he all of a sudden called you....

just my thoughts....

I'm with 25thDecan let it go but if you must crash and burn then please do it with some dignity LOL!!

I know its hard but the very fact that he's WITHHOLDING love, affection, time etc etc makes your attraction level go up, this is what your chasing your chasing what you can't have, your chasing the love, the affection, you don't really want his ass LMAO! NO seriously, you want what you think HE CAN give you...the twist on it is this...he can't give you anything, you have to give those things to yourself first and then someone will mirror that back to you...

you want in and you will do anything to get in but at what price...at the price of your self esteem? Is it worth it...let this guy play with someone elses emotions...who cares if he calls, you should be saying hello..oh its you and hang up in his face, this will trigger him into CHASING YOU...you have to do something to turn the tables which takes strength and will power...if your jus going to fawn all over him every time he calls then your going to get broke down real quick.

If you don't know how to play his game and you jus want to be nice ALL THE TIME then your in for a ride LMAO!!

Jus play him at his own game, I say this b/c I know your not ready to let go so us telling you to drop him isn't effective...if he calls hang up in his face, be nice one day and mean the other...go along with what he says and you do what you want to do *giggling* be disinterested, ignore him, then give him a load full of great energy and PULL ALL THE WAY BACK...tell him he's not man enough for you and flick him off...the very game he's playing on you, you play it on him....if your going to be nice all the time then you have LOST already, jus go lay down and get slaughtered...you either challenge his BS or get ran over.

Your a dayum taurus...girl if you don't pull out those horns and start bucking his ass down....

My mother is a cancer! And I dated a cancer. Could possibly be the worst match for a scorpio EVER. Friendships, Dating, etc. I absolutely can't deal w/ them long!

Lil.ladie.taurus, move in w/ him. You will HATE him after a month and could care less if you ever talk to him ever again. Promise, it works.

oh and why are some of you analyzing this guys behavior, you can't measure or explain insanity, the very fact that someone is analyzing his BS means that your attracted to these types...don't analyze BS, there is no explanation for it. Who cares why he did what he did!

I'm starting to see a pattern of women who say or act like they don't like the games but they indulge in them anyway, picking the game apart, talking about it and making excuses for it...so is it really the guy thats the problem or is it us...hmmmmmm

quit trying to make sense out of non-sense

learn how to play the game if you like these type of men or leave it alone...your best bet is to leave it alone but if you must indulge then you gotsa learn how to play or get played.

Tiki33, you aparently have never dated or you are a virgo 🙂 lol.. If up and leaving someone were that easy, that would be great. But, sometimes, even if you know what you should do, it's not easy...

hmmmm I said that she's not ready to leave so she should play it out...read it again please lol!

I know its hard to let go and leave so I try to assist women with getting around BS

I will say leave to any woman that has issues that don't benefit her but if I feel a vibe that the woman isn't ready to let go or isn't strong enough then I try to assist her with getting around certain situations and building confidence and self esteem so she can gain strength whether she decides to stay or go.

i think that is the problem. people start playing games before they are even in the relationship. no wonder so many fail when one person is to busy trying to outsmart the other. wow that sounds like a good way to start things off. hey i have been guilty of it myself. so instead of letting things flow naturally we are to busy protecting ourselves. yes a cancer said it, we are to busy protecting ourselves. so whether we want to believe it or not a game is always being played. look around this board and actually read what is being written. game after game after game. it isn't until we finally decide to drop everything and be willling to put ourselves out there that the real relationship begins. until then yeah just keep playing. but in order to find out how a person operates yes you have to analyze them and situations.

in lilladie's situation it is more about being treated disrespectfully and her allowing it. he knows what he can get away with when it comes to her so it is up to her to stop it if not he will continue. put yourself in his shoes. wouldn't you?

we have to communicate our needs and wants clearly to the person we are in a relationship with. we can't expect everyone to be mind readers and give us what we expect when they don't know. so if you do that and the person isn't willing to do that then move on. it is as simple as that. why waste time begging someone for love you deserve. maybe this mind set comes as one gets older but i am not willing to be compromise my needs for anyone. if the person i am with can't give that to me then someone else will..

don't know why i went on a rant must be mercury in retrograde..lol. i am not going to have anything to blame anymore when that cycle ends 😢

then i guess we aren't getting the full story because i don't even see lilladie in a relationship with this guy since he has a girlfriend. so i am confused as to what she is trying to leave.. if it is a friendship i can certainly tell you that the friends that care about me will never disrespect me..so again what is the real issue here..

MANGINA.

i take it your not talking about the band, fingering mangina are you lady m..lol..

hey cansir..what's up?

gimme some of that tasty stuff? LOL!!

what's up tiki! no problem, i have plenty of tasty stuff 😉

u so nasty..me likes a lot lol!

glad you like...mmmmmm mmmmmm gooood!!

"i take it your not talking about the band, fingering mangina are you lady m..lol.."

nope never heard of them 🙂

didn't think so...

THANKYOU GUYS, im going to listen to you, im not gunna call him, and u kno what if he does call me, i should hang up on him. i told him off once, and for a week didnt even talk to him or contact him, and finally i decided to clal cuz i felt bad for syaing such things,a nd then he blew up at me, and i found myself begging for his forgiveness..... how pathetic of me. finally i decided it wasnt worth it... so i stopped, and thats when he came back to me, btu ofcourse the games continue.
what i am holding on to is a frinedship, once upon a time we were best friends, for maybe 7 years, up until we slept together, and ever since that theres been nothign but disrespect and games.
so u kno wut, id ont deserve this, i am a nice person, he has lost many firneds, and i guess he doenst care if he loses me too, so i should stand up for myself, so he knows that he cnat always gets what he wants, and like one of you said... I AM THE PRIZE, not him!
THANKYOU SO MUCH ALL OF YOU, there is no excuse for his behaviour, i tried time and time again to be his friend again, and he says unless we have sex, im busy. he also said, if we are not sexual then theres no point in having you aorund becuase i dont need a friend. ( sadly, i stayed around , cuz i wasnt ready to lose my closeness with him, so i gave in)
so it doenst seem liek he thinks im worth his time. so why the FUCK is he worth mine.
THANKYOU GUYS , SOOO MCUH, i think u finally got thru to me.

First let's get this straight. NEVER sleep with a man, if U R not going 2 enter a relationship with him. U have 2 let him know that up front. U have 2 B honest with men and find out exactly what they want from U. Don't guess or assume that he wants the same thing from U. U have 2 take initiative 2 respect yourself, NO matter how long U have known any man. U have 2 tell him that I will not B involved with U, unless we R in a relationship. This puts a HIGH value on U, simply because U classify yourself more 2 him as just a sexual contact. U have 2 tell him this. That U R not a sexual contact, and if he is not into meaning more than sex with U, then go ahead on. I don't let any and everybody inside my mind, body, heart, or soul who does not want 2 mean anything 2 me. SO, their U have it from the horses mouth. Get him 2 say relationship first and U lead the way. Oh and no blessing the man out. U will make him run farther than far.

"and he says unless we have sex, im busy. he also said, if we are not sexual then theres no point in having you aorund becuase i dont need a friend"

okay - that was an important detail......should have mentioned that in the begining...yeah - he's treating you like shit and you need to kick him to the curb....

lol, tis true

Y B bothered. He is manipulating U. Tell him 2 ditch it. And chalk him up as a loss. I wish a man would tell me that. Whew! I would just ignore him. Or tell him yeah, and lead him on until he got 2 a hotel and when he was expecting me, I would B a no show.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oaky fine, so i called him....
small talk. basically i was syaing how i wont have fun this weekend becuase and enemy is coming up to the cottage.
him: thas why u should have sex with me before you go
i said: yah thas what i was thinking
him: lol really?
me: yah
him: when?
me: tonite?
him: wut time u finish work?
me: 6
him: okay so u sure u wnat me to call u?
i said: do u want to clal me?
he siad: yah sure
me: oaky call
then....... during the dya at work i call him, he doesnt answer so i leave this emssage:
hey u,i been gettin txts form my firned shes upset bout her man, yah so ima go to my frineds place tonite and try n make her feel better.. sorry for cancellin, maybe another time, thnx bye
THEN I LOOK AT MY PHONE LATER... n theres 6 missed calls from him and a txt saying: u owe me now stiff
so i cal him back... and hes pratically beggin me.. hes like: how bout a quickie before u go, im liek no... dont worry ur bday is coming up i will make it up to u.. hes liek, well when r u going to ur friends, im liek iano 7, he slike.. wlel call me after then, im like iano i might be going out with sum firneds from work.. hes like.. cammon cammoon, u suck, u owe me.etc.. isaid.. i'll think bout it..
he said: k callme
SO BASICLALY ( im not gunna call him) and im not gunna call him for his bday.. becuase nowwww, hes thinking he will get sumthign from me for his bday, so when his bday rolls around he will be expecting me to call, and when i dont, HAHAHAHA
there, payback for wut hes done.
childish yes, a game yes, but a game ive never played before.

😢

THANKS LUCKYSTAR!!!!!!!!! i will definately update u, thankyouf or the support, it is hard for me to let go, but im improving... thats a good sign lol

Yeah,
U have 2 VALUE yourself before any man can. U R a prize. Value yourself and quit being easy. He will NEVER commit 2 U.

"he also said, if we are not sexual then theres no point in having you aorund becuase i dont need a friend."

-wow!!! he said that...you should have dropped him right then! you are better than that.

REDROVERTOO and mooonchild, thanx.
UPDATE!!!!!!
HE CALLED 2 MORE TIMES TODAY, I ANSWERED, i was at work, sia di was busy and couldnt talk, i was rude. i didnt nwat to be rude, i wnated to be polite, so ic alle dhim back. no answer, so i left him a message syaing: sorry i couldnt talk before i was relaly busy, anyway ttyl bye.
he then called me back another 2 times.... i answered finally, we tlkaed, he wnated me to hang out iwth him tonite, i sai di was bsuy tonite and am gong aaway for the weekend, he kept aksing me, and syaing: YOU OWE ME.
i said: haha i owe you? you still owe me, and i gave a list of things he promised hed do for me, if i did sumthign sexual for him,a nd he enevr did. and then i siad.. until i get all of that i dont owe you shit! he laughed, and tried ot get out of it, is iad, no , i dont owe u nothing, until i get what i deserve. he was again trying to comprimise, is ia di had a customer and had to go, he calls out: clal me back.... i hung up. didnt call back.. he called me back another 2 times, i finally answere,d he offered ot gimme a ride home form work, i said: no. i sia di had to go bakc to work again. he said.. fine u suck. and i hung up on him.
THATS THAT!

redrovertoo..... YOUR ADVICE I S GOLDEN, I WILL NOT INITIATE ANYTHING. i will not compliment. i will stop spekaing about us, and i will change the subject when things of sexual nature come up. it will be hard, but u are right, i will try. it will be the only way i could try to see some change.
LOVE YOU ALL
thnx

Do not call him, email or text unless there is something that really need to speak about. Do answer his calls. Do not pay personal compliments. Do not speak about your feelings or your relationship. EVER. NOT ANYTIME. NOT EVER. Be as a friend would be. When he brings things up, smile and change the subject. Be friendly, compliment him on non personal things. Be understanding and supportive. Let him know if you appreciate something small he may have done, and walk away strong and in control of yourself. Do not have sex with him, kiss him or touch him. It will drive him crazy, but it may take a LONG time so be patient and DO NOT GIVE IN. Go on with your life. Keep an eye out for other romantic opportunities.

I would not say completely 2 not share your feelings with a man. U have 2 share some feelings. This is just being honest when U share your feelings. If U say it straight from the heart, B firm and mean it. U could care less if it chases a man off. But, U cannot hide your feelings. U HAVE got 2 B honest and tell him what U want, and then tell him your expectations. If he wants it, OK, if not then he has got 2 step. NO, ifs ands or buts.. But, do not tell him full blast. Only in small increments so he can process it. And then come back 2 U, if he wants the same thing. Don't overwhelm him, just B honest and B yourself. U would B surprised how much men love the honesty in real women. Don't B afraid 2 B yourself and stand up and so NO! I value myself more than that.

redrover - like a REAL crab, a cancer sidesteps and never goes directly for what he wants - until it starts to get away - then he grabs on tight with his claws and never lets go.

ironically enough he would enjoy that

so everyone is syiang he has no feelings for me... how will i be able to tell if he starts to have some feleings again?

i dont know how to make it into a friendship, i cant ignore his phonecalls, but when i answer, he is always trying to comprimise with me, and i always get nothing and he gets everything he wnats...the one thing that may work, is if i do not give into the comprimse, and he drops the line.. then i guess theres no point in us talking... instead of me being all: ohhh okay maybe i can see u... i will jus have to be like: alrite, fine!
and take it from there....lol
if that still doenst work, which it probably wont for the long run, then i will ahve to say goodbye, becuase as of right now theres nothing he can offer me.
which is a dmna shame, cuz i know im a great catch and can offer him alot.

sadly, the only line i am holding onto is, when we first started tlkaing again this year, and we were together, and i asked him if he would ever wnat to be with me.. he said: my feelings for my gf are alot stronger.... ( pause) but that doenst mean i dont wnat to see where this takes us, but i dont see anything happening for a long long time.... is aid: ok
and then he said: u do understand no good can come form us being togetehr, it wouldnt be good for anyone.
i jus brushed it off.

k

hi lilladie. i should probably introduce myself cause i don't think i've ever responded to one of your posts before, although i have read some. so...i'm wheelhomies. and if it's ok with you, i wanna try to offer you some advice, even though i don't really know you. there is absolutely no bashing of EITHER of you in it and it's gonna be long but just try to read it because i think it might help you.

now let me be clear, i haven't followed the whole story with this cancer, so i apologize if you've already flat-out said this, but it sounds like you two have a HISTORY and this is not just some gorgeous guy you met one day and fell madly in love with. if i have that right, then those are the kind of bonds that are the absolute hardest to try to break. and along with that is the fact that this guy told you he wanted to see where it would go with you two, but doesn't think you being together would benefit anyone. now i can relate with this 100% . i have been in that situation. i knew a cancer (strangely enough) that i had history with. he was my brother's friend, and he had a girlfriend, but feelings started to grow between us very gradually because we spent time together at my house. and then all of a sudden it was like WOW. i really, really like them and maybe more (though it was hard to say "love" if we weren't together).

at first he always needed physical comfort, not necessarily sex but he needed to touch and cuddle and etc. and i was always really open to it (which i regret now, that was unfair on my part and i shouldn't have ever allowed it for his girlfriend's sake, even though it was never more than that and she never found out about it - still shady). anyway i ended up being direct and telling him how i felt like we really connected too. and this wasn't a line; it's impossible to describe a cancer's charm. it was so sincere, and it was what he was feeling without a doubt - at the time at least. but the situation was horrible, with him already being in a relationship with a person he cared about (even though she treated him like crap - i witnessed it firsthand more than once), him being my brother's friend (which would be awkward for my brother, and his best friend to know that we were "intimate"), and also, he was leaving for college in a couple months. starting a relationship with ALL those things facing you seems impractical, and of course we both knew that. but i still didn't want to let it go.

anyway he ended up being really distant and sometimes cruel after that point. the difference between your and my case is that i didn't allow it at all - it hurt SO MUCH to let him be that way, and to knowingly pass up what could have been the opportunity to really give each other what we need, because he didn't want to leave his current commitment, no matter how shitty that was. but i basically did what you said you were gonna do in the last post...i said "ok, if you're gonna treat me that way, then you can forget about whatever we had." and i basically let it go in that i didn't try to contact him or react to any games. it was hard, so i know where you're coming from with not wanting to break it off, i really think i can identify with the situation you're in. and the point i'm trying to make is that after i said forget about it, he did come around. he realized what he was giving up in losing me completely by being cruel and cold, and he apologized and he never acted that way again. we dated for a couple months after he broke up with his girlfriend but LIFE got in the way again and we had to end it. however we're still friends. i wouldn't call it a failure or a waste of time because what we had was something i'll never forget and even though i've moved on he'll always have a special place in my heart, and i'm ok with that...i think the key is in separating the romantic attraction from the pure feelings that are there. do you know what i mean? if you just take it for true care but not anything else and put him in his place i really think that you can be fine, lilladie. i think you will come out ok. at least i hope so, because it seems to me like you have a huge heart, and any cancer, even an immature one, will know that when all is said and done they don't want to give that up for anything - who would?

and listen, i know where everyone's coming from when they say just leave him and get some self-respect...but it's not really like that...it's like trying to extricate yourself from and intricate web and do as least damage as possible...

too easy to fall into the trap and to get caught up which is what i did and apparently what you did - but there's still hope lilladie, and deep down you're a strong person. before you thought holding on was right, and now you're starting to see that letting go might be better. you'll be able to do it if you put your mind to it - and it will get easier from there...

anyway i ended up being direct and telling him how i felt like we really connected too.

edit to - and he said he felt like we really connected to

redrovertoo - this was a different one. an earlier one. maybe i'm cursed?

as for the one i posted about on here before, we're not currently together because he's transferring to a different school than me in the fall. i don't have enough courage to try and face that again, especially because he acted the EXACT same way as the first one. i'm aiming to just call it friends with the last one as well.

clarification: the last cancer i was with, is now just a friend. haha. in case that was confusing.

hehehe...ain't that the truth.

"I am one of those who wanted this guy to be who I wanted him to be....it just does not happen that way."

I am glad you said this kate - I think this is the problem most women are having with their cancer men - it's not that they are lousy boyfriends - it's just that they are not the kind of boyfriend these women want them to be. Seems like everyone thinks that since they are perfect in every other way they should be the kind of boyfriend a woman imagines is the perfect partner....just doesn't work like that, men are not a buffet and you can't pick and choose what you want them to be.....

Good 4 U Kate, I am glad that I could really help U progress and I hope alot of my advice has helped U. Good 4 U. U now realize that love takes time and patience and by no means it cannot B rushed. I am proud of U.