Question for Cansir! (Page 2)

aces, good to see another cancer guy on the board since there aren't many of us..welcome to the show..lol.

I completely agree with everyone. It's when you expect something in return when you are able to get disappointed when you do not receive the repsonse that you want. Just make the offer and see what happens. Have fun with it! Enjoy yourself. The courting process with the Cancer CAN be fun, if you allow it to be! LOL. 🙂 Good luck!

Ooohh hi Krobie! I havent talked you in a long time!!! How have you been girrrlll!?!?!

*Krobe

What's up Mai,
You are having fun with your Cancer man huh? Well me too and hey, you know I have game so I told you to just be patient and everytime you throw something out there, let him come back to you. But, I gave so much false information. LOL! JK-the boards have been quit, I don't want to stir things up again.

Are you doing OK?

Ok here is my update......I called him today around 12:30....kept it casual and said I have apples and I remember you saying you would take them and to not throw them out and I was wondering if you wanted them....

So he said yes he did and that he would call tonight and drop by to pick them up!

Ok I have no expectations (lol) he probably won't call and then I will know he really doesn't want my apples (lol)

In the event that he does call and want to come by.....any suggestions....any ideas....

Thanks again.....nothing ventured nothing gained....

I mean if he wasn't interested would he just not have said no thanks I can get my apples elsewhere lol

good job but we are cancers and we are frugal so anything free is always nice..lol

Don't have sex right away. LOL! Fight those intense emotions off.

Trust me sex is the furthest thing from my mind.....I am just trying to establish if I am wasting my time here and if he is interested or not....

Ok I know you are frugal....and I had someone who is a cancer give some insight into how you think and how much of a emotional rollercoaster you are on....

Its just apples....so after he gets the apples should I invite him in for a drink....and I do mean just a drink...

Hey its already 10 to 7 so chances are he isn't going to phone....in a case of that should I bother calling him on it or just let it slide?

Cansir....I need your wonderful insight!!!! 🙂

If he doesn't call, don't call him back. It is another one of his feelers on how you would take it if he stood you up. Just don't act emotional over it, he may be holding a grudge you took so long to call him. Just the next time you see him, act if nothing happened and speak to him. If he asks could he come over and start intiating things back, stand his ass triple the times.

Why don't they just do what they say they are going to do....obviously they like to inflict pain and get off on pissing people off just to get a reaction....

I mean would it just not be easier for everyone involved to be honest.....isn't that what they want....honesty oh....my god like grow up.....its like a little child who wants attention....good bad or indifferent attention....

I mean he stares he says hi and its all just a ploy to suck you in I guess.....

So then my guess is he won't call or he will call tomorrow or never or just try to bump into me to see how emotional I am about getting screwed over once again....

God I am going to have to take some acting lessons.....thank god I wouldn't give him the satisfaction but its hard to not see it on my face....

Its now 10 after 8 and I am willing to put cold hard cash down on the table that he is not going to call....

So cansir....is this a test or is he just trying to tell me in a not so polite way to bug off?

Like he could have just said you know I don't need the apples....I already have plenty of apples....

Oh and if he calls like closer to 9 or even later.....what should I say....like its really late and I have a busy day tomorrow can we try this tomorrow after work?

Cansir....Krobe.....Help 🙂

He FEEDS off of this BS OK? I am telling you, just be polite to him next time you see him like it didn't even matter. You are not pressed he doesn't want your apples. Yes, he is testing you to see if you are an emotional mess. LOL! Just act as if it does not even bother you he didn't take your apples. The more you are not emotional with him, and you can anchor your feelings with maturity. The more he will come around you. You have to challenge him and let him know, hey, you don't phase me. If you are not emotional, he will pick up on this REALLY quick and want to give you ALL of his time. He will be kicking down your door to be with you OK? Just don't take this personal, he is not really testing you, just seeing if you jump off of the intensity of your emotions. Let him get away with it.

You will have your chance to call the shots. Just wait GOOD until he wants to be around you ALL the time, and reject the hell out of him, triple the times he did you. He will quit doing that BS once the tables are turned.

Ok Krobe.....

I know you are going to want to slap me.....but do you think he is interested and this test is just to perhaps see if I have gotten my stuff together emotionally....

Cause if he didn't care or wasn't interested why would he bother.....

Let me guess its for sport...lol

So given this cause its now 938 and he's not going to call what do you think his next move will be.....

25th decan....you really are a titty man aren't you

why does everyone think the worst when things don't work out the way THEY WANTED IT TO..not everything is a game and who knows maybe something came up. we don't know why he hasn't called you and he might have a very good reason. so i will go back to the statement earlier..don't have expectations but obviously cheeky you did that is why you are panicking..relax and do your thing.

25th i think that is a great idea..they really do need to show their tits..lol

CANSIR, WE WORRY BECAUSE THIS IS A NATURAL CANCER MAN TRAIT. LOL! THE STAND UP HAPPENS TO ALOT OF WOMEN ON THE BOARDS.

well krobe maybe we do it cause we know it bothers you..lol..

also, how do you know that is a natural cancer man trait? i am a cancer man and when i say i am going to do something i do it...but i guess one bad apple spoils the bunch..lol

lol naw I think the stand up is a Cancer man trait, but it doesn't seem like a stand up to them, it seems like "something important came up, but don't worry its something we can do whenever".

I've been looking back and I really might not be able to do this with this Cancer because Im probably not as emotionally stable as i need to be to deal with him. You said it Cansir, things dont go the way i want them and instead of staying calm I get frustrated. From time to time I stay very calm and just let it blow over but I'm quickly swayed many other times. He used to explain to me when things didn't go the way we planned, but since he stopped doing that it seems like I'm always just below the boiling point...do you think he knows it and he just wants to see what I'll do when he turns the heat up?

Your right they are just apples.....and why should I have expectations about someone whom I really don't know....I just want to get to know...

I am done with analysing it over and over and trying to figure it out....it is what it is...and have a lot going on at work so its best to concentrate on that and let things unfold as they will

Thanks for the advice cansir krobe and all it really does help to vent.....I have to remember life is not how I want it to be just because I want it to be a certain way....its an aries thing I guess and I have to let go of some pride and realize it doesn't hurt to be sweet and nice...and to do things from the heart and not expect anything in return...

Even if things go no where with this cancer at least I know that I am trying to develop and grow and change some of my ways of thinking!

sf and cheeky that is what life is all about. learning and growing and seeing how we can change and become better people. it is not about games and manuipulation but being kind considerate people. i have found the harder we press at something the worse the results. we make ourselves frustrated and upset. but i have alos found that less is more sometimes in life so the less we do in trying to make things the way we want them the more results and happiness we are going to have by letting nature take its course. cheeky i totally understand about the aries thing as i have an aries rising so most of the things i am trying to tell you i have learned the hard way. i know it isn't easy to have to change, learn, and grow but it is necessary..

soooooooo hard to learn to let nature take its course. worse part is when i finally learn to let go, and my cancer male frined decides to come back.
aahhwelll.... life lesson i guesss... i jus hope i can survive it this time, cuz each time he tells me he wnats me out of his life it gets harder n harder .

It was kind of like that with my scorp ex LLT, but one time he tripped and I just realized I was so done with him, it was the easiest breakup and walk away in my entire life and it was concrete. Like Cansir said it might take the make up/ break up to help you reach your full growth and sometimes thats whats most important.

I was thinking about things last night, and it dawned on me that this experience with this man is really teaching me a lot, so even if it doesn't go the way I want it to, its impossible for it to be a complete waste, I might as well make the most of it and let time do its thing, whether thats bring us closer (which my Cancer feels will happen) or pull us apart (which I'm scared will happen)

lil ladie what is your lesson here? take this experience as something you are suppose to learn from. it will come to you..

sf i am so glad you are seeing the positive in what is happening..we only live two ways in life and that is either by love or fear..so i say stop being scared and trust yourself and God that everything is happening the way it should..there are lessons in everything that happens whether it be good or bad :-)

Thank you Cansir, thinking of it that way is a good way to deal with it...God's got it and he knows what's best. I guess its because I've always been told you can work to acquire the things you really want in life and I've foolishly tried to apply it to love forgetting that somethings happen in their own time.

sf i totally understand what you are saying but i know the results first hand of trying to fit round pegs into square holes..so i just decided to step back and let things unfold as they may without anyone, a situation, or circumstance stealing my happiness. i am the only one who can decide if i am happy or not and it has nothing to do with anyone else. i read something one time and it said if you truly love something let it be :-)

or is it square blocks into round holes..lol..

lol square blocks into round holes. Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like that's what Im doing, then I actually talk to the guy instead of assuming what's going on and I just realize its that Cancer "why force to do today what we can do tomorrow".

lol i hate that syaing haha: if u truly love something let it be.
its the scariest thought.... im fixed on fear right about now... im afriad that once i let go.... he wont ever be coming back... and that would mean that no matter how hard i tried, it didnt even matter.
like SF said "I guess its because I've always been told you can work to acquire the things you really want in life and I've foolishly tried to apply it to love ." same thing for me.

if he comes back... i'll be shocked, and angry at the same time, becuase that would make this the 4th time he's donne this too me.
he laughs about it too.... last time he did this he put on a whole show about how he doesnt give a shit bout me, n never wnats to speak to me again, or see me, n doenst care to leave things on good terms becuase he jsut doesnt care. after i finallygave up, he stopped me on the street, put his arm around me and says: ohhh (ladie.taurus), do i piss u off? dont take wut i say seriously... etc.... and i was extatic to habve him back.

lol thinking back on this, if he does come back, i should tuffen myself up to NOT let him back in my life.
so everybody, today is day1 of my life without my cancer male friend. lol

good for you lil ladie..remember you teach people how to treat you..he does this to you cause he knows he can get away with it..so yeah toughen up and kick this punk to the curb..lol..i am holding you to this as being the first day but not with out your cancer friend. it is your first day of happiness and not the frustration that relationship was bringing you..

aaawwww *tear... lol that was really cute lol thanks cansir... honetsly, you are all my support system..... i alwyas feel mcuh better tlaking to all of u rather than my firneds and family. ( they dont understand my situation like you guys do)

Cansir thanks again for the understanding and the information.....its odd but I don't feel sad or mad that he never called.....ok a bit confused but thats because I had expectations and now I realize they were only stupid apples anyway.....I still think he is a nice guy and who knows what is in store....I know I can't force anything....it is what it is.....nothing more nothing less...

Its out of my hands and for some odd reason I am ok with it....I have no right to be emotional....I am sure I confuse him just as much as he confuses me....I think knowing him has made me a better person and it has made me grow and learn to accept my feelings instead of letting pride get in the way.....I know it won't be easy but hey its me putting that pressure on me anyway and unfortunately on him also (poor guy lol)

Cansir thanks again for the understanding and the information.....its odd but I don't feel sad or mad that he never called.....ok a bit confused but thats because I had expectations and now I realize they were only stupid apples anyway.....I still think he is a nice guy and who knows what is in store....I know I can't force anything....it is what it is.....nothing more nothing less...

Its out of my hands and for some odd reason I am ok with it....I have no right to be emotional....I am sure I confuse him just as much as he confuses me....I think knowing him has made me a better person and it has made me grow and learn to accept my feelings instead of letting pride get in the way.....I know it won't be easy but hey its me putting that pressure on me anyway and unfortunately on him also (poor guy lol)

I think this also gave me the opportunity to try to fix what I had broken with my pride.....even though I never showed him any emotion by being a typical woman and raggin on him....I did become cold and it was written on my face....who would want to live with someone who couldn't express themselves in a collected manner....I might not have said it but he knew it lol

So I know I did what I could to rectify the situation.....and have a clear slate as far as I am concerned and can now get past this and given the opportunity treat him like a friend.....

Cheeky, SF... Again, HEED CANSIR'S WORDS! Who cares about apples? I know it was very symbolic, I'm sure he knows it... Step back, be there you never know what can happen.

I been going round and round with an older Scorp lady. Hot and cold, but warming up. I had to step way back and pull the crab thing? Hide, dance around and not go straight after her. She is a pain in the, well you know where, but I'm attached?

She seems to really appreciate the non agressive guys. She likes that we can hang out, talk, be friends and it is not so sexually charged? She has told me that the more we talk and the more I am concerned about things she draws closer. Yes, I pull back hard sometimes, then she seems to warm up, go figure?

The dance?

The older I get, the more I realize, I KNOW NOTHING. I hope this helps and dosen't confuse Cheeky?

Thanks Aces......your a real card lol....couldn't resist...

Yup you never know.....I am just going to stop trying to figure it out and if nothing happens thats what was ment to be...

Thankfully I have a lot going on at work right now and will be traveling so I will have plenty to think about other then him and my apples lol

Oh and they are lovely apples!!!

So aces_high,

You MEN like the hot cold treatment huh? Well I am not really rude to my Cancer man LOL! But, I am a hot cold person towards him because he really lives to recieve and test alot. I am not perfect and NO, I will not give him everything that he wants, but if he really needs someone to be here for him, I will be here.

So, Cansir and aces
I want to know ONE thing?
Why in the hell do you men chase, chase, chase, when you don't recieve attention, but once someone gives you the attention you have been seeking, you back away from the situation. That butter is not cool. It is like when I don't pay you any attention, you chase me down like a dog in heat, once I show some care and concern, its like you walk away from it and ignore the love. Oh, well, you have got to love a Cancer man. LOL! Got to love you, I just know how to eliminate myself as well, and go back to not feeding or giving you any of my attention. You will miss me when I am gone.

They're like crabs Krobe, hard on the outside soft on the inside, coming at you when your attention is diverted and scuttling away when you persue them. I've finally gotten to the right mindset where I can back off of this guy and let whatever happens happen. I'm guessing from early signs that he isn't going to let me stay away long. I think part of his running when I persue is that he wants to see how long and even if I will continue the chase, in his mind when I stop then I dont want him, well he can think that...if he wants me then he will scurry his fine arse after me.

krobe it is because we got what we wanted...lol. everyone is different and all crabs are not the same. sometimes we just need that reassurance and when we get it we are good again, sometimes we just might need an ego boost, sometimes we might just need a friend. who knows our reasons and to tell you the truth we don't know half the time..lol. with my cap moon and aries rising it is hard to tell what i am feeling cause i control my emotions and have a very thick shell. yall think yall have it hard with your men, try dealing with me, lol..as for our shell i usually go into mine for two reasons. i want my space or i am trying to figure something out. God only knows how i love my alone time. mmmm, just me and my shell :-)

so this goes back to respecting me. let me deal with things my own way and don't push or pressure me. if i feel that believe me i will take my time coming out again. just cause you want something from me doesn't mean i am ready to give it. so this goes back to just letting things happen naturally. when you respect someone they will respect you back. this doesn't mean you can't check up on me but don't overdo it. if i sound cranky or crabby don't take it personally i am probably just dealing with something. i will come around again when i am ready. and when i do i will be charged and ready to go..

Cansir that last paragraph ....did my cancer tell you to type that? lol That's his attitude about things 100% . I can't hold him responsible to respond to anything I say or do unless he says he will. And he will when he's ready. So stubborn and strong willed...I hope yall realize that being like that could easily send someone the wrong message....

sf no i don't think we realize we are sending out the wrong message cause to be honest we are selfish and at those moments i don't care what you are feeling all i am concerned with is what i am feeling. that is why i say let him go for a while and you continue to live your life and not stress over him. he will be back i promise. one thing about a cancer is when we don't want to talk to you again you will get the hint. we change from being moody to just down right mean..but we can also get mean when we are pressured to much..

Well he hasnt been mean to me at all. He told someone the other day that we were friends and whereas most people would be like "just friends!!" I know to him that means a lot and Im relieved to hear him say that

so this goes back to respecting me. let me deal with things my own way and don't push or pressure me.

So, Cansir, can you answer this?

WHat if you hint around that you need something but really you don't REALLY want what you needed, you just asked, and if the other party did what you asked, but you really didn't want them to, does this mean that the other person disrespected you and did not let you deal with your own problems? Why ask if you really don't want the other person to do what you asked them to do? Help me out here. Is it a loyatly test?

"mmmm, just me and my shell :-)"

LOL!

krobe not sure what that means cause i don't ask ppl to do things for me unless i mean it. i don't test ppl's loyalty that way.

Cansir,

You sound like quite the challenge.....my cancer has a aries moon....and I get the feeling you are very alike.....

I know you do things in your own time and that we all should go with the flow....when you say you are going to do something do you eventually follow thru with in (in your own time).....or do you just not do it if you don't feel like doing it lol

I think I know the answer to this lol

cheeky yeah i am and i am sure my exwife would agree..lol. as for your question i will use the standard business school response which is depends..depends on what i am suppose to do and the circumstances..but i like to pride myself as being a man of my word so usually if i say i am going to do something i do it :-)

Good to know......so if you are a man of your word you will eventually step up to the plate.....all be it in your own good time lol

Cansir.....I know this is personal but out of curiosity what sign was your wife and what made you fall in love with her?

If its to personal I will understand 🙂

i don't mind you asking. my exwife is a leo. we were really young when we met and got married. the thing that attracted me to her was her independence, her fire, her zest for life. she wasn't scared to show her feelings and emotions and made me feel so comfortable. she was patient and gentle and just loving..i tried but hard to explain..hope that gives you an idea..