Question for Cansir! (Page 3)

My best friend is a leo and she keeps telling me to stop wasting my time...and that the guy obviously doesn't have a clue....

We get along famously and she is not afraid to say how she feels....I on the other hand think to much and keep my feelings to myself....but you can definately tell when I am pissed off....

I am working on it but it isn't easy....I guess I am afraid that they will use my feelings against me once they realize how soft I am...so in my mind it to is better to put on a tough front....

I guess I am a work in process lol

Thank you for your candor and for sharing....

no problem cheeky but i also failed to mention that i also fell in love with her because she was so opposite of me. she was outgoing, strong, and dedicated while i was shy and reserved. she brought a lot of things out of me that i never knew i possessed. yes some were bad..lol. but what i am finding out is we are true to who we are who cares what anyone else thinks. if someone can't appreciate you for who you are then screw them. you don't need them in your life anyway. funny how we want to be with someone so bad but God has other plans. ppl come and go from our lives everyday so that is why i say just go with the flow and enjoy the ride. we don't always get what we want and yes it does hurt sometime but God has our long term plan mapped out while we can only see the here and now. learn to trust that everything happens for a reason and so we shouldn't waste our time worrying about things or ppl we have no control over. we only have control over ourselves and our happiness. we owe it to ourselves to be happy cause our time here is very short...

Hi, Cheeky

I am a Leo and I must add, that sometimes it is good to let your guard down and just love unconditional. If you love life, you will no that love is unconditional and you have to just take risks even if it involves getting hurt. It is nothing wrong with getting hurt, time will heal a broken heart and time will take the pain away. You have to let your guard down and take risks. If he hurts you, hurt him back in the worst way LOL jk....No, just don't hold in your feelings and tell him how you feel. If you let a Cancer man know how you feel, he will respect your feelings, and he will use them against you if you make him mad. LOL! A word of advice....Move out of the way and enjoy your life while he is off sulking. He is a forgiving man and he will come around out of his shell, esp if he loves you.

Your both right....you can run but you can't hide from your feelings.....I think that I have learned that in this whole process and perhaps that is why he came into my life....and I have learned something about myself...there is nothing wrong with feeling something for someone....sometimes they feel the same way back sometimes they don't...

Its out of my hands now what happens happens.....

I think we have the same type background and he is shy at times and at other times very outgoing....he is very shy and quiet around me....I must scare him lol

Or maybe we are just to much alike and both afraid of being hurt....

Whatever the case may be I have taken the first step in moving forward....what direction that is who knows

CANSIR u said: we change from being moody to just down right mean..but we can also get mean when we are pressured to much..


oaky, so my cancer male started off tellin me nicley that he couldnt do it ne more and that he was sorry. he thougth it was bets we didnt talk, i asked if it was cuz of me, or sumthing else, he answered: it doesnt matter.

then i let it go for a ocuple days, then i started hounding him, and thats when he started syaing things like, i dont wnat anything to di with u anymore, etc, and started being mean.
so in my case. even though its probably obvious i just wnat to hera it fomr u.... will he come back, or is he gone for sure becuase i pressured him afterwards and didnt respect him?

well... maybe If this was the only time hes said this, it would mean something to me, but its kind of hard to take him seriously when this is liek the 4th time hes done that to me, and within a week or two comes back saying how he missed me ,wants me in his life, and doesnt wnat to fight ne more , etc etc....
AND, maybe if i didnt have a huge history with the guy, or care about him alot, it would be easier to let go.

I AM A TAURUS DAMMIT, MY MOTTO IS " I HAVE"
i define myself by wut i have, therefore i feel MOST defeated when i do not get something.
and this sumthing is him... so its takes me awhile to let go, AND i CANNOT let go of ANYTHING without fighting for it first.

🙂

well said, and i am aware of this already.

Cansir.....when you fell for your wife was it a gradual thing or was it like you fell off a cliff....and in either of those cases....did you pursue or did she pursue?

Did you test her and then move in for the kill or did you just go with the flow and let fate take you there...

Just curious want to know the cancer mans perspective on courtship 🙂

cheeky since i am a cautious person it was a gradual thing. i dropped subtle hints to her that let her know i was interested and then i can honestly say she took the reins after that. she was full on but i had to slow her down a bit. we were young so it was really exciting. it was a lot different chase than i would have now that i am older :-) one thing i will say out of experience and not sure if this is true with other cancer guys but once you hurt me good luck getting back in. that is why we take our time because when we are sure we will lay it out there..and if you take advantage of that you might as well just keep walking cause i guarantee things will never be the same. our walls and shells and whatever other defense mechanisms we have will come out and you will basically get no where..my exwife has always wanted to get back with me but since she hurt me really bad i never let her back in and i knew it was better we just stay apart for both of our sanity. sorry i went off on a different tangent..lol

Yeah, but you know I am going to add my two cents in Cansir,

Cancer men love to hurt other people but when the tables are turned back on them, it is like the ultimate sin has been made, and if you really sit down and look at it, alot of people make the mistakes of following their feelings instead of using their minds to evaluate a situation, that is why people get married and divorced everyday, some people just don't other peoples feelings into consideration because they are self centered and make everything about them.

I meant some people don't take other peoples feelings into consideration, they are self centered and make everything about them.

krobe exactly..take a look around we are all guilty of that..if we don't get what we want we all go off to the corner and pout. it is only when it happens to us that we feel our feelings were not taken into consideration. i read something one time that said not to take everything so personally..yes this is coming from a cancer but it does make a lot of sense. but since we live in a society of instant gratification our perception is we should have that in everything we do being fast food or love..hmm, funny how life doesn't work that way. hmm, i guess that is why we cancers get a bad rap since we are either to sensitive or have to hard of a shell..lol

I dont think Cancers specifically set out to hurt feelings, and this is after dealing with one, I just think that they do have a self protective trait that causes them to handle their feelings first. They aren't going to look at the options and pick one specifically to hurt you, they're going to look at the options and look at the one that protects them, oh well if it hurts you. I got hurt by something my Cancer interest said yesterday, then I realized he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was pinching because I had just hurt him. I quickly apologized ONLY because I have a good cancer confidant that quickly let me know that I had most likely hurt him. I think a lot of misunderstanding rest between Cancer and Taurus, who I'm coming to find are a lot alike but retreat too quickly to discuss and realize it...unless we're having sex, that's a convo we'll always come back to. smh

I know people communicate very differently, but we can do little else in the relationship if we cant communicate. What are the basics to communicating with a cancer...I mean simple things like tone and body language. My Cancer accuses me of "looking at him weird" or "looking at him crazy" but really in the back of my mind I'm looking at him thinking about how lovely and surreal he is.

oh and why do you say we love to hurt other ppl? we are the most sensitive sign of the zodiac..lol. sounds like the leo doesn't know how to handle the cancer and is getting frustrated..

sf do you tell him that you are looking at him cause he is lovely? we need to be reassured and the best way to communicate with a cancer is to come at us cool and calm. if you come at us when you are mad or frustrated then we can pick up on that and will feel the same way and quickly put up our defenses. we hate confrontation and that is why we avoid talking when we know it will lead to an argument. but sometimes that comes across as us not caring..

No....I just said I wasnt looking at him crazy...now really how many people are bold enough to just come out with "Oh no, I wasnt looking at you crazy, I was simply adoring you because you are the most gorgeous man my eyes have rested upon"....He wouldn't respond to that and I wouldn't know how he feels about me feeling like that about him but I would wonder and want to know and....why torture myself. I just said "no im not looking at you crazy" and stopped looking at him.

He also accuses me of being mad at him and I know it might be a lot of times he thinks I'm going to argue with him when I'm not but when I'm telling him there is something I need to say and it seems like he just isnt willing to listen...I get hurt, hesitant, and frustrated. I'm a lot more patient than he gives me credit for and I dont like confrontation either....I do like to state my feelings tho and get his response, in a cool, calm, collected, adult way...just cant seem to do that because he always runs when he thinks there is going to be an argument. And when I feel an argument coming on and I say "let's just drop it" he acts hurt...

sf i guess that goes back to krobes point..we as ppl stop communicating cause our feelings are hurt. you hurt me so i am not going to talk to you..or i will be an ass to show you how it feels. nothing is ever solved playing tit for tat. i have found that one person in a relationship usually has to be the strong one and needs to step out there and say what needs to be said..nothing gets accomplished holding on to fear..i will never be in a relationship where we are walking on eggshells. been there done that and never again.

Yes, Cansir, you are right...I suppose I will begin to work on getting rid of the fears of making a fool of myself and being rejected. And it's funny because I'm the most scared in the situation wherein these fears can cause the most harm.

"I just want him to like me". I feel like that girl in the high school movies, the geek uncool chic in love with the jock, captain of the football team. This is the weirdest relationship I have ever been in, because I feel like its the first time I'm really dealing with a person and not some made for relationship facade.

sf you are not going to make a fool of yourself if you stay true to who you are. and if you get rejected then he wasn't the guy for you in the first place. this is where i say sit back, don't worry, and just enjoy the ride..take your time and learn from everything that happens in your life..

si, Senor. That is what I'll do.

gracias :-)

Well,
The Cancer I know does things hurtful, I don't know if he intentionally, yes he does because after he is finished doing something stupid, he will try to get me to say, that I want to be in a relationship with him, and when I do something similiar, not in regards to hurting him intentionally. He acts as if the world just caved in and killed him. That is why, I do better telling him I just want to be single, and let him be single, and make HIM chase after a relationship with me.

Right now, I like being single, I don't want to rush into nothing, and I guess after being in a 10 year relationship, I have to realize that I don't want to be in another relationship right now.

Why can't my Cancer get that through his head and quit sulking because I don't want to rush into anything with him.

krobe i think that is a question you have to ask him...

Cansir.....

So when I had previously asked him out and he never got back to me....I didn't pursue it I just let it go....but I am sure he could sense I was upset....I just became cold....but really whats a girl to do

He had said "he causes his own problems".....that was his way of apologizing....and I never picked up the clue...duh....but anyway since he still says hello and stares.......I guess I am lucky and he hasn't cut me completely out of his life....

I still haven't heard from him in regards to the apples....and I know I am not expecting anything....do you think it is his way of getting back at me/punishing me for being cold or am I reading to much into it?

Will he ever forgive me or now that I hurt him (?) there isn't a hope in hell?

Wow this has become quite a thread!! I have several points to perhaps help ya'll understand.

First Cansir is so right on with everything he says, I'd like to buy you a beer dude, you think so much like I do? Where you from? I caught a few ?ya'lls? in there!

Next, we Cancers just don't take matters of the heart lightly. I've never had a ?casual? relationship. There ain't no ?flings? in my mind!! I just don't understand this. Lots of people do, but me = no intiendo? I'm in it for the long haul and I must feel that from any potential partner. Maybe not at first, but I have to feel the possibility exists?

I just don't care what other people think of me. My actions speak louder than my words, words are free and gossip is cheap. I've been with women lately that want to hang out later, but they don't want to be seen leaving the bar with me? Come on!! Maybe it damages their reputation in a small town, but as for me, I don't care. I find this thinking strange?

Cancers love peace. I just don't like confrontation and arguments. Often women think we are having a heated discussion but I often feel we are arguing and take my leave?

I have been real wound up over this Scorp girl lately, but man is she a pain in the rear? It has been tough, but we are understanding eo better. When she gets her forked tongue out and goes to town, I stand, nod and let her blow herself out. Funny, I've learned some interesting things about her ?standing in the fire?. My first instinct is to just leave, but I can overcome. I've stood straight up to her and wow? She won't back down, but yes I can man up, you betcha! Do not challenge my integrity or dignity!

A gay guy tied to come on to me the other night. I threw him off my boat all but forcibly, I just don't do gay shit. My sometimes Scorp girlfriend and I were discussing this and she was trying to stick up for him? She was going on and on about how guys just push and push and push? I don't? Anyway she goes on to say that sometimes girls just cave in. She admitted she has? She is getting really hot and a little emotional, and I stood up and quietly said, ?That is pathetic.? I don't push or hound women, I understand lots (most) guys do. But I would never compromise my integrity, values or dignity because someone is pushing me to? Bullbutter! I just don't understand this thinking? She is a good friend and adorable, but man I just lost all respect for her. I don't want to be with someone that

I don't want to be with someone that will sacrifice their most precious moments, dignity or integrity for a guy that is just pushing, but she don't want to sleep with? DUH!!

Matters of the heart are often so grey, however we cancers are pretty cautious and for good reason? I don't think it is a Cancer thing, just human reality? Happiness is an inside job, and don't let the world (or other people) get you down!!

If you read between the lines, this Crab is backing off that Scorpion? I'd like to find me another Scorp girl, they are fascinating.

Sorry to go off here, I'm way off subject, but I hope ya'll gain some insight from my experience and thoughts?

So aces....

what do you make of my situation?

Sorry I write too much, took two post to get it all in...

What could I have done differently.....or what can I do in the future with this male cancer.....

I get you about integrity....and I think I can hold my head up high....but maybe thats the problem....he might feel like he can't?

and yes relationships are very serious things....any animal can have sex but two caring people make love!

at least thats what I think....and when that happens you are totally exposed and your heart is wide open....in my book that is!

Cheeky-

You are fine, hold your head up high and get off the freakin' computer!! Go for a walk on the beach, clear your head, it will all work out!!

Never show weakness, it is your life and you plot your own course. It is a great adventure and YOU must make the best of it!!

Cancer men like a strong woman! You don't have to kick his booty or nothing...

Show your strength and stand by him... Let him know you might be into something for the long haul, tactfully?

I know it is hard to do, you just gotta dance the dance with a crab?

He may not be right there or chase you down the beach, but just hang in there. This will mean more to him than you can ever imagine!

Understand that if you feel this way, he knows it. Just go slow and hang in there sweetheart, it will all work out!

Cheeky-

"Never show weakness" Sorry that was perhaps incorrect, you will know when it is time to get vunerable. Use your instincts now and stay stong!

I can see in your words, you will be fine.

Easy to say....hard to do....

I think you are right....its time to go outside and clear my head and enjoy the beautiful fall weather...

Thanks aces....I appreciate the feedback and the pep talk!

Go with the flow....🙂