scorpio lady needs to know.....please help

i have been reading these posts for a while now, and i am sure that you will be able to understand what is going on with my cancer guy
i met him 3 years ago, he only wanted a sexual relationship, i said that was fine, for the first year we only met every 2 months or so, didn't make much of it...but then gradually we started to spend more time chatting to each other and on year later we ended up seeing each other twice a week, without realizing i fell in love....later he started talking about families(in general), told me about his mum, and his family and that he thought i would be able to get on with his mum......i am so confused, sometimes he tells me that he wants to meet my parents, and he says that i should be lucky as he will chose me to be his wife and sometimes he acts as if he doesn't care at all....i sometmes go and ignore him for almost 2 months-he never stops calling or texting though and then i give in, before x-mas he said that when i meet my prince he should treat me like a queen as i really deserve it, then i said that"what a shame that you don't want to be my prince", then he said that "it's not that he doesn't want to but he wouldn't do me justice", i was so upset and ignored him for 6 weeks, now since we are back together, he texts me every day(he never used to).
DO I MOVE ON OR DO I STAY———?
PLEASE HELP, I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS

i would like to thank you very much for taking the time to read my long message(above)

thank you crab23, you're right, even if i try to move on he never stops contacting me, why can't he just tell me what he feels......i feel a bit of a push/pull game

"he says that i should be lucky as he will chose me to be his wife"


———


Perhaps the day will never come that I can relate to any other female mind-set than as an American one. As much as I try ... just isn't happening.


Question to you: Would you consider yourself lucky if he chose you to be his wife?

well, dear P-Angel he meant that i should consider myself lucky as he will chose me to be his wife..........sorry for my mistyping..

the answer to your question is YES, and.......
i am confused because i thought that at his age(41,i am 29,) he would be more open about his feelings, but he says that he is not ready(he said that he needs to be financially secure and i should be patient which i can understand but... what is that got to do with what he feels—?)

dear Crab23, to be honest i sometimes do the push/pull game too, but sometimes i tell him that i cannot stay witout me and that he means a lot to me and then he just ignores me for the whole day-it really hurts when he does that, if he was open i would find it very easy to tell him how i feel, i am afraid that if i tell him just out of the blue........he would freak out, i can feel that he is very sensitive even though he doesn't show it
thanks again, your advice is much appreciated

I wasn't referring to your typing, or usage of your grammar.

Sorry for it sounds like it offended you .. truly, I try to understand this mind-set, but fall short.

Thank you for answering the question.

Can I ask another question:


Would he consider himself lucky if you chose him to be your husband?

leokitten, i had a real go at him for being big headed, i put him in his place for that and told him that there are guys out there that would do anything to get me........and then he was sulking(typical)
don't think i ever allow him to disrespect me, i will always be a scorpio!!!!
i think he is afraid of my strong character, if he is not interested he would go his way and leave me alone......

All i can say is from my experience the Cancer i'm seeing really opened up to me once he knew where he stood with me. When he knew how i felt and what I wanted from him and he felt secure in knowing that then the world opened up.

I think if you share with him how at first your relationship started off as a sexual relationship and then once you all really started spending more time together and got to know each other on a more personal level then you really started liking him as a person and some where down the line you fell in love with him. Share the story with him but don't expect the flood gates of emotions to come pouring out of him right then and there after you tell him. He may need to go off and ponder that for a while. But you shouldn't feel bad about sharing your feelings because i'm sure he will appreciate it. Then the rest is up to him. Give him some space and see what he does and how he responds.

It looks to me from what you've told us that he's sending signals but he is unsure of how you feel. Tell him how you feel. What do you have to lose?

dear P-Angel, that put a smile on my face, i think that if i ever asked him that he would not answer(he would be afraid to assume responsability for his answers), but i know he would be more than lucky, he always sees me on a pedestal

YaMamma, thank you, you are so right!!!and i am so afraid to tell him what i really feel(also too proud), i know i have nothing to loose, on the contrary we will both know where we are.
great advice, keep it coming......

Crab23, oh my god.......that is exactly the situation, we even tremble when we talk to each other(especially when we touch each other, even by mistake)....we brag about the usual stuff but if any of us makes a stronger statement than there will be silence for a few minutes......it's even funny
yes, i cannot comment about the sexual part(i cannot describe it in words)

oh, i forgot to add that he said that he cannot trust anyone(ladies), once he said that they are all hiding something and they are never honest, i guess i am the one paying for all the wrong done to him..... when i try to open up to him and tell him how i feel, he never says anything, he even ignores me for a couple of days, and that hurts very bad, as i expect him to back me up!!!!(is this a cancer thing—)

yes, crab23, i will, thanks again for yor advice, i really appreciate it.
if i tell him that i am there for him, call and text, should i stop when he ignores me(hidding in his shell)? or should i carry on letting him know that i am there regardless- to be honest i really do not want to be pushy....what do you think? please let me know...

hi KEL19,

so would you say that he is interested only in sex?
( i can never describe in words the connection that we have......he even said that the only way for me to stay faithful to my husband is only if i get married to him..........i guess he needed to boost his confidence by himself)

wow, crab23, i'm impressed, you seem to know what it takes, i didn't think of that and it seems very straight forward and logic, if you meet a scorpio guy or if you are with one.....be open with him(don't do what my cancer guy is doing to me)lol

dear crab23,

of course you do....to be honest i thought that cancers are very sensitive(more than scorpios), but i realize that they want to be more than 100% sure that there feelings are shared

thank you very much crab23, you have a great heart to......your words helped me a lot, i feel much better now.
thank you for taking the time to read my stuff and give me advice

Pretty solid advice on this thread. And I have to agree that the intensity between the Scorp Woman and Cancer Man is truly out of this world. Really. But that's also one of the biggest obstacles. My Cancer bf (at least I'm still calling him that but...) get along very well in every area of the relationship except the biggest and most important one, communication. You can't have a relationship without good communication. Everytime we have had a serious blow up (well me anyway) it's been because he didn't respond to a phone call/text. He's so afraid of drama, when ironically it's the avoidance of drama that causes the most drama between us.

The push/pull thing is something I suspect you'll always feel. Unless YaMama is right and once he's sure of your feelings he'll open up. However, there are sooooo many tests prior to that that really, you may begin to question if the relationship is worth it. It takes a lot for a Cancer man to let their guard down and before he does he's going to make sure the feelings are mutual.

I don't have any advice, there a lot of wiser ladies on this board that will be able to provide that. I just want to warn you, before you cross the line into "openess" with a cancer man there is going to be a lot of tests i.e. drama.

dear crab23,

"i wouldn't say only "interested in sex" but i would say its an immediate spark once these two see each other...and its lust that can take over feelings sometimes"

KEL19 IS ONLY 20 YEARS OLD, LET'S SEE IF HE STILL THINKS THE SAME IN 20 YEARS` TIME........LOL

DEAR SEXYSCORP19,

thank you very much for taking the time to go through all of these messages.
every piece of advice helps, and i appreciate everyone's opinion.

i hope that YaMamma is right too, but i am too proud to go through that, if he opens up first fine, if not it will be his loss.....i don't want to be vulnerable at all, i just feel a bit insecure, at the end of the day i shouldn't have allowed myself for someone like that, i really think that communication is important no matter how difficult it is.....he is too old to still play games like that(this is the scorpio in me, i keep all this emotion inside and when i let it out, oh my god.......lol)

Nobody wants to be vulnerable to anyone but it's that vulnerability that will bring you two closer together. Let's say for example you are married and you and your husband have a big disagreement where you two are not even talking to each other. Eventually one of you is going to have to let their ego, anger, and fear go in order to communicate and resolve the issue. So if neither one of you is willing to put your cards on the table then the result will be a stalemate and one or both of you will ALWAYS be wondering or trying to figure out what the other person's intentions, feelings and the "hidden" meaning behind each other's words and actions.

I'm finding that my Cancer is open to communicating about anything as long as I bring it up first. He even told me he doesn't really volunteer too much information it's just the way he is. It's not that he's intentionally hiding things from me but when I ask he answers forthright and without hesitation. I think he feels as though if I ask him questions it means that I care.

Cancer is an immature sign. They can be big babies. They need to be nurtured but to what extent depends on the individual. My Cancer (39 yrs old) is sick right now and all I needed to do was show some empathy and sympathy and he felt better. Men in general are big babies when they are sick...but i digress...LOL!

If you don't see yourself telling him how you feel than you can go the indirect route with asking him questions like...(1)Do you see yourself getting married in the future? (2)What kind of qualities are you looking for in a wife? (3)Do you think you're ready for a long term relationship? Then in casual conversation say something like..."I would like to settle down one day and have a family a house and some kids but it's hard trying to find the right man...a man that will be loyal and devoted to me and our kids...do you know any?". Spread these conversations out if need be so he won't feel like he's being interrogated unless the conversation is on a roll and he starts asking you the same type of questions. Talk about stability and security and see what kind of responses you get to gauge where his mind is.

I just really don't see you two moving forward without each of you knowing how the other feels and what each of you wants from the other. Ego, pride, and fear are some of the preventers of possible good relationships and destroyers of otherwise great relationships.

YaMamma, thanks for every thought, i guess i have a lot to go through as yet. everytime he speaks about having a family he refers to me as the oher half or the mother of his kids(beofre x-mas he told me i should ditch the pill as it is very dangerous especially that i have been taking it for a long time, he said that he ead about it and that can affect fertility, but he didn't say nohing more)....
you are right, i need to talk to him, but need to get some jack daniels first(lol), today he said that i am too sensitive(tough!i will not let him have his own way), to be honest i think he enjoys the fact that he chases me all the time too, as he loves it when he sees that i am always there
you are right again.he is such a big baby, i wouldn't want to put pressure on him...

crab23,

i think that kell19 should be made aware........lol, or maybe let him experience without warning, i hope he will not be in need for help

thanks leokitten23, he is also very manipulative, it drives me crazy, but if i throw a tantrum he backs off!!!
i'll let him open the subject and then i'll say something in a joking manner....after that we'll take it from there(i hope i will be doing that tonight, at least the beginning of it), as Yamama said, i will not expect him to react there and then, if he goes back in his shell he is more than welcomed

i made some lasagna, it tastes so good, i offered to bring him some and he said "no,thanks, already eaten".........never again(next time he will have to beg me)

If I were you I'd just bring the food to him. Don't offer to bring it to him just bring it, he might say "no thanks" just to avoid you going to all the trouble.

crab23,

i forgot to tell you at that time when i was cooking it was dinner time where we are......London!!!!!!
he is born on the 23rd of june....

leokitten23, don't worry, nobody in this world can make me do anything unless i want to, not even him, and i did consult a doctor, who advised me that i should take a brake, but thanks for our concearn

samsam, you're shrewd, thanks, he misunderstood what the dish was anyway and he regreted afterwards that i didn't bring it.......lol

ladies, please read this and tell me what you think......

i went over to his house and i got really upset(made a big deal out of nothing), then he said that he loves everything about me especially my attitude and anger, that is after jokingly said that i love him too much........(he is vain sometimes, but sweet).......

""and why are you cooking for him? he is a cancer...he should be cooking for you!!! i rarely cook...every now and then and then my cancer knows i am going out of my way to please him....he cooks for me all the time.""


ok, please don't listen to this new millenium, pump your feminist-fist bullsh!t ^. ladies, in general, if you want to cook for your man, do so. no, i'm not a proponent of the "barefoot and pregnant" life style . i'm simply suggesting that you do it if it makes you happy, as long as he appreciates your effort and returns the affection.

i prefaced my statements with "generally speaking", because i thought you were too.

that's y i said you're serving him should be contingent upon his appreciation and matching effort.

you're = your

CRAB23,

thanks again, i thought of him as a gemini but to be honest his cancer side is 98% . he loves my cooking and you are right, he appreciated the fact that i offered to get him some food(he didn't know it was cooked especially for him), he did say i should have brought it afterwards..lol, i guess the mood changed...lol

by the way, did you read this "i went over to his house and i got really upset(made a big deal out of nothing), then he said that he loves everything about me especially my attitude and anger, that is after jokingly said that i love him too much........(he is vain sometimes, but sweet)......."—?
what can i make of that—

He's being crabby that's all, if you marry him you will already know what you will be in for.

oh my god,
CRAB23, it is amazing how different people can be!!!!!!!if someone fusses at me i hit the road and don't want to know after i make a big argument i would make sure that i will not come near that person ever again!!!lol, the cancers are totally different, i guess i should look at him with more of a open mind to be honest.
crab23, don't get me wrong but it is impressive how well you know yourself!
thank you as always for your time and advice....

dear Joe Stickler, are you a crab?(if you don't mind me asking)
i guess i know now what it will be like, i love every single bit of it, my best friend always says that i have such a patience, i guess i know it is worth it....
i haven't seen the possessiveness part of him, though, even if i did it is rarely that he shows it, i feel as if he is trying to surpress it so he doesn't scare me off as he knows i am very independent....lol

i think every lady that wants to be loved and treated nicely should go for a crab, they challenge you, they admire you, they show you that they care in ways that you won't see it at other guys.
is there anything else that i should know or be aware of?

DEAR CRAB23,

thank you for your input, i really admire people when they are emotional that means that they know what is good and what is bad and that they know when and how to put you in your place....don't worry about my thread, please feel free to express exactly how you see things, you are appreciated for that.
i don't mind getting hurt even, to be honest, that is how we learn and get to know ourselves better, such is life, i really think we should take things as they come and do not block anything good or bad, if it is bad then a strong person will know how to deal with it.

there is something that i haven't said: after x-mas when my crab told me that if i find "my gold mine"(the one) he should treat me like a queen as i deserve it, and he said that if he marries me he wouldn't do me justice( it hink he is afraid that he is 10 years older than me and in time if he cannot perform then i would cheat on him), i just ignored him for nearly 2 months and told him that i am seeing someone else, that i am getting married and may have a baby with that person.......he didn't believe me and he didn't stop calling or texting at all. to be honest if someone tells me that i would be so upset and my heart would be broken, but he didn't show any emotion apart from the fact that he insisted that he is "my gold mine"(the one).....

what do you think, you know you give the best advice(sometimes i am speachless when i read your replies...lol), don't worry, i am a scorpio, i understand moodiness(i think it is sweet) but please do let me know what you think when less busy
many thanks again

dear crab23,

thanks again, you have definitely explained it to the T. that is exactly it, that is how he behaves now, i think is was/is afraid of loosing me now and he is trying to be more open, and i can see he puts me on a pedestal all the time,
if you meet a scorpio never be afraid that your love is too much, scorpios are very demanding when in love, and i think cancers know that(he dais that he likes it when i am difficult), he even feels intimidated by the effect i have on him and i can see from the conversations that we have that he is always trying to protect himself from me, very misleading but he cannot fool me!!!(lol)

crab23, i hope you don't mind me asking but is that your boyfriend in the pic?
thanks again for your help

"SOme people believe having a closed heart can stop evil. To me, a closed heart is evil. (Speaking in general) HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU BLOCKING EVIL, WHEN YOU DON'T ALLOW ANYthing TO COME IN.

...

Some may say they've been hurt many times, and they are afraid to get their hearts broken again. So that mean they're saying they will stay unlove until they die. We only get one life, right?!! So what the hell is the holding on so tight."

I understand what you mean and i agree with you to a certain extent. I don't think that people who close their hearts are evil, i just think they are sad, that they are missing out.

But, referring to what you said, have you ever really been in love? I mean, jeepers hell... sometimes it really hurts to be heart-broken, over and over again. I just don't understand how somebody can frivously 'bounce' back. You make it sound so easy. It's either that you haven't been in love (or experienced heart-break, cos not every love ends in heart-break), or you are careless in what you say.

I am curious. You seem so cheerful, yet, i don't think you really understand the darkeness that dwells within heart-ache.

Froggie 2,
we are all different, some people take a very long time to recover other people recover by offering that love to someone else, for instance i got hurt a few times, but as soon as i realize and come to terms with it(fairly quick) i am like Phoenix, and i become stronger, also it helps me move on if i see the hearbrake from a constructive point of view.....

scorpio978 said: "for instance i got hurt a few times, but as soon as i realize and come to terms with it(fairly quick) i am like Phoenix, and i become stronger, also it helps me move on if i see the hearbrake from a constructive point of view....."

I agree. I get hurt, I then learn lessons about what happened and then rise up and stonger and improved, ready to try again and not make the same mistakes. Rather than sitting around stinging those who caused the hurt. While that may momentarily feel good, it does nothing for you long term.

Crab 23,

Your advice has been great. I like reading each new insight you post.

crab23,

thanks for answering my question, the guy is so so sexy, so my type!!!!!lol

wow, i like your attitude, well done, go on, give it to them every time....you see i like to avoid confruntation with people that i do not know, i like to ignore them, i think they are not worthy of my energy(negative or positive)....if we have an opinion i think we can express it without attacking others, we should appreciate and learn from others not be nasty, this is addressed to everyone taht disrespects others........
carb23, you have my admiration(you earned that from your first piece of advice)

dear crab23,

thanks for the interesting offer but my heart is taken, it sounds very good and very interesting but my cancer keeps me on my toes, i can never get enough or bored!!!!
cancers rock!!!!

dear crab23,
yes options, thanks for the idea, i tend to go for certainty in life very rarely take the easy way out, but options are definitely there......lol
thank you for that advice again, sometimes i feel that happening and i am desperately heading for the door and unless the red carpet is laid out for me i do not want to come back in and then we're back to square one...lol
i promise you i will not let anyone get the best of me(i feel very hurt and empty, at the moment).......(my moon is in cancer, i guess that says a lot)...

thanks for that crab23,

i guess feeling emty is not such a bad thing after all, i see it as a positive thing, it will push me forward and make me stronger!!!
thanks for checking my advice i give other, yourself and other nice ladies have helped me a lot for a while so i figured that i can give some help to others that may be in my situation, i really think that everybody deserves to be loved and not played with.....
keep up the good work anyway, and don't change that sweet picture, it's so so sexy!!!